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Part II: Chapter 7

Every person in the room froze as Kendall's whispered "Alex" rang throughout the room.

Every person except for Logan, that is.

"Alex, let's get your stuff, now," Logan said sharply, pointing up and to the side, motioning her to move.

Alex was startled. She just revealed the truth to Kendall Knight, and the ball was supposed to be in his court now. He was supposed to react. Instead, her dad was talking in a tone she had never everheard from him. Even when he was disciplining her, he was firm but never showed his anger. He never got worked up. In fact, he had always been relatively easygoing. Usually he could make her feel terrible just by showing his disappointment in her whenever she disobeyed him, which was why she rarely ever did it.

But the look on Dad's face, she didn't even know how to read it. All she knew was that it was new and it scared her a little. She was too flustered and confused to move. She also really wanted to hear what Kendall Knight had to say.

Kendall could barely breathe. He realized with horrifying clarity why the girl had looked so familiar to him since the first time he met her. She looked just like him! He felt one of his hands shaking and quickly swiped it through his hair. He coughed, trying to work his way through the shock. He tried to speak, "Wha-"

"Don't!" Logan, without bothering to look in Kendall's direction, still looking at Alex, moved his finger over, pointing at his ex-friend. "Don't speak to her. Don't even look at her. Alex! Get upstairs NOW!"

Alex teetered before spinning around and running up the stairs. Did she think she was a 'little scared'? No, she was very scared. She felt like she'd stepped into a parallel universe.

"Logan, what was that?" Sophie asked, bereft because she had hoped Alex and Kendall would finally have it out, hoping that this was the moment she had been waiting for. She wanted them to know each other sobadly.

"I don't know what's going on," Logan said, a little surprised at himself for how worked up he was getting, but he couldn't help it. "And I don't know why he's here. But I don't want him anywhere near my daughter, got it?" He stared hard at the woman. He knew from what little James had told him the day before that Carlos said Sophie was the one responsible for all of this. She enabled Alex. She butted into a family matter that she had no right to concern herself with.

Kendall involuntarily scoffed. It was a natural reaction to Logan acting like he was in control of the situation. The girl had disappeared up the stairs now, so his world was shifting into focus again. And he definitely didn't appreciate Logan thinking he had any say over what Kendall did or said.

"Don't," Logan warned, not liking the arrogant sound coming from his former best friend. "I don't care what you have to say, and I don't want to know if you can even come up with a plausible explanation for her, if you care enough to explain. Do you really think I'm going to give you the chance to hurt her?" He hated that his voice sounded a little too vulnerable toward the end of that question.

Kendall stared at Logan, actually meeting his eyes. He hated the man, but now, at least, he understood why Logan was acting the way he was.

"Stay away from her!" Logan snapped, tearing his eyes away, hoping that only his anger could be seen. He didn't want any of them to see how scared he really was, or how much it hurt him to act this way with Kendall. He didn't want to, but it was the only thing he could think of to protect Alex. Alex was his number one priority now. That's the way it had to be.

Logan couldn't handle being in the same room as Kendall any longer. He needed to get away. He would go upstairs and help Alex. Plus, he needed to make sure she was okay. He had seen the look on her face. He knew he had frightened her.

"James, come on," Logan said over his shoulder, wanting to get James out of the vicinity of Kendall too. If those two started to argue, the entire house would hear about it.

Logan didn't have anything to worry about because James wasn't paying any attention to Kendall. He was still focused on how livid he was over learning that Alex had only come here because of Gage. He knew that something big was happening, but he just couldn't get past the other issue.

As soon as Logan called to him, James was ready to bolt up the stairs.

Sophie grabbed his arm, recognizing the look on his face and noting how tense he was. She wasn't stupid. She knew James. Even though Logan had just put her in her place with his words, she knew him too. She knew Logan was scared, just like she knew James was furious for a very different reason. She whispered quickly, "I know what you're thinking, but I also know Alex. Whatever you're thinking, she didn't do. What's going on right now is bigger than that. Please see that?"

James tugged his arm away, not going to be dissuaded this time like he was the evening before, "Alex is my daughter. Just stop!"

Sophie knew he was just being unreasonable and not thinking about what he was saying, but it didn't stop her from feeling slightly wounded at his words. She stepped back and right into Carlos' arms, not realizing he had come up behind her.

"Hey," Carlos said, frowning. "She's just trying to help."

"I didn't ask for any help," James retorted. "She keeps trying though! This entire mess is her fault, all because she wanted to help! I think she's done enough."

Carlos' face turned red and he moved forward, ready to get in James' face, but Sophie put a hand on his shoulder. "Carlos, it's okay," she said softly…

"He's right, and I'm sorry," Sophie whispered, apologizing to James, knowing that it's true. As much as she loved the girl, Alex didn't belong to her. She had no say in what Alex's parents said to her. And she really had made a mess of everything.

James didn't even acknowledge it; he was too angry. He went for the stairs, not even bothering to glance at Kendall as he sprinted up.

The entire entryway was once again shrouded in silence.

Now that James and Logan had left the room, it was time to deal with Kendall, who had been completely blindsided by the entire situation. Jo knew she was the one who should approach him first, especially since Sophie was trying to soothe Carlos' ruffled feathers.

"Kendall…" she walked forward into the hall and went to touch him, offering tentative comfort. This was the one topic over the years that Kendall had always completely closed off with her over. No one knew Kendall's thoughts about Alex. It had frustrated her for years, but she had learned to live with it.

Kendall tensed at the touch. He turned around, away from the stairs where he'd been staring, fixated on the spot Alex had been standing not one minute prior.

"What is going on?" he started quietly. His face was expressionless, but his tension was evident in every word. "Why is she here? Why was she at Weston?"

"She… wanted to go," Jo answered.

"But why is she here, Jo?" Kendall asked. "And them?" He looked at Carlos, eyes cold. "Why are they here when my kids are?"

Carlos was already a little upset at James, but Kendall turning his anger on him wasn't helping. So instead of trying to calm things down, he crushed the figurative eggshells.

"Because they came to get her. Yeah, I didn't know she was at Weston. But once she got kicked out, she had to go somewhere, didn't she?" Carlos replied derisively.

Kendall's face remained impassive, silent as ever.

"Carlos, he didn't know, don't—" Sophie started to defend, but was interrupted.

"We're leaving," Kendall said to Jo.

"Okay…" Jo said hesitantly.

"Get the boys," he said before stalking off toward the front door.

"You really think that's a good idea?" Carlos interjected. "Won't they just have more questions if you make them leave early?"

Kendall froze with his hand on the door knob. He took a few deep breaths, trying to think. Carlos had a point. If they just yanked the boys out, Caleb especially would ask a million questions and not rest until he got the answers he wanted. From what Logan said before he went upstairs, they would be leaving soon anyway.

His shoulders slumped and he shook his head.

"I'll be at the school," he muttered before leaving, nearly slamming the door behind him.

He had to get out of there. He had to get as far away as possible.

So, he ran. He got into his vehicle and drove away, probably faster than he should have, but he couldn't help it. He had to get away before everything he'd left in the past caught up with him.

He ignored the tiny voice inside his head that pointed out that the past already had caught up.

"Are you sure that's everything?" Logan asked Alex gently.

He was correct. The way he acted downstairs disturbed her. When he got to her room, she was racing back and forth between her private bathroom and her suitcase laid open on her bed. Even when he came inside, she didn't show any outward reaction, just started fiddling with the stuff in her suitcase, folding things to make sure it all fit.

He had crossed the room and put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her movements, and then he apologized. She seemed to relax after that, but she wasn't in the mood to talk about it. He really couldn't blame her either considering what was going on downstairs at the moment. He was perfectly fine with waiting until after they left to talk all this out. So, instead, he helped her quietly. She hadn't really had a chance to unpack many things since she'd arrived the night before, but she'd obviously showered and changed that morning.

He'd just put the last of it away and was zipping up the suitcase for her, asking her to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, when the bedroom door opened suddenly.

Alex and Logan both jumped at the unexpected presence, and then a very angry looking James came into the room, closing the door swiftly behind him.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do, young lady!" James frowned.

Under different circumstances, Logan might have laughed at James' words because it sounded like something Brooke Diamond would say when they were growing up—and James would probably laugh about it later too (or cringe at the idea of sounding like his mother). But this was no laughing matter.

"James, calm down," Logan said. "We'll talk about everything later. Right now, let's just get out of this house." He picked up her suitcase and carryon, holding out the bag to James, hoping he'd get the message and just do what he said—fat chance of that happening though.

"She lied to us," James exclaimed! "She manipulated us, and for what?! So she could spend her summer with some boy?! Sorry, but not sorry, I want to know what you thought you were doing," James glared at Alex, "And I want to know right now!"

"It wasn't like that!" Alex denied. "I mean, yeah, I only came for Gage, but it was so he could get in the program! But that's all it was, I swear!"

"Okay, okay, everybody just settle down—," Logan tried to stop the impending argument, but it had already begun.

"If that's all it was, then why would you lie to us about it!?" James pointed out.

"Because I knew you'd say no, and he needed my help!" Alex explained, completely frustrated.

"Of course, I'd say no," James retorted. "An entire summer off by yourself with this boy? Damn, right, I'd say no!"

"Why!? What do you think I would do!" Alex's voiced cracked at the end of that question. She was hit with a sudden realization, and suddenly everything clicked. Tears filled her eyes, and she hated that. She hated whenever she cried. She hated showing weakness. She probably got that from her uncle too. "Are you calling me a wh-whore?"

She was extremely worked up, but not enough to miss when James stiffened and froze. And she didn't miss Logan dropping the suitcase and carryon at her words either.

"Wh-Why would you even say that?" James asked, losing a large majority of his anger as a sick feeling filled his stomach. The last time he'd heard that word uttered was when…

"Because I am, right?" Alex was nearly hysterical now, sobbing through her words. Everything she'd been feeling for the past few months, heck, years, was hitting her all at once, and admitting her worst fear about herself to her parents was the most scary, most vulnerable feeling she'd ever felt and she couldn't handle it all at once, but she couldn't hold any of it back anymore. She'd been holding it back for too long. "I mean," she sputtered, "I must be if I'm just like my mother!"

Logan kicked the carryon he'd dropped on the floor out of his way and walked straight to her side, turned her to him and grabbed her shoulders. He stared right at her, in complete disbelief of what she'd said, and practically yelled in her face, "Don't you ever even think that! Why would you say that!?" He pulled her toward him into a tight hug. She was still crying, but now her face was buried against his shoulder. "No, Alex…no." He didn't understand any of this. Why would she ever think that about herself? Or about Katie? Where did he even begin?

He made eye contact with James, hoping for some answers from his best friend, and saw that the movie star looked devastated…and guilty.

Logan pressed his lips together before he all but spat his words out, "What did you do?"

James stared at his daughter, feeling much the same disbelief Logan was, and, with a lump in his throat, asked her, "It was Melanie, wasn't it?"

"Jesus, James!" Logan had hated everything that woman had done to their family, hated everything she had put Alex through, but it was the price Logan had to pay. It was the agreement he and James had reached years ago. He just wished James had shown better judgment in his choice. After the divorce, Logan had hoped he'd never have to hear about that woman ever again. And he hadn't had to…until now.

"That's when I asked for the divorce… It was the last straw…" James said, whether he was explaining things for Logan or just speaking aloud to himself was uncertain.

"Alex, did she say that to you? Or did you hear that fight? Or…?" James' heart was in his throat. His daughter was still crying, hysterically, more upset than he'd ever seen her before. Was he responsible for this? Did he invite this kind of pain into her life because he'd made the mistake of marrying someone he never should have? He got divorced when she was thirteen…had she believed this for the past three years? "Alex?"

But she was still crying, unable to reply. He swallowed the lump in his throat and went to her, wrapping an arm around her, wanting to pull her away from Logan at first, but decided he needed the shorter brunette for support too. His legs felt weak. So, he ended up in an awkward hug with Alex in the middle.

His heart nearly broke when Alex wouldn't turn to him even a little. She clutched Logan tighter instead.

Logan could see the desperation on James' face. He soothed Alex while he led her over to the foot of the bed, getting her to sit with him on her right side, James scrambling to sit on her left.

Alex still clung to Logan, but James just stroked her hair and back, hoping to help calm her as his brain rushed to try to fix what he'd done.

He took a deep breath and began…

"Your mother wasn't a…" he decided not to use that word ever again. "Katie was amazing. She was sassy and smart. She always got her way. Everyone thought she'd have a company listed on the Fortune 500 by the time she was twenty. She was never really into girly things…except for being a princess. But that was only because royalty meant lots of money and power," he smiled a little at that.

He always smiled when he thought about Katie. He missed her every day.

"She liked being a loner. She was beautiful enough to be a model, but she had no interest in frivolous, shallow things like that. She used to call me that. Frivolous and shallow. But that was when she was younger, before…she got older."

He coughed and struggled to figure out how to continue. Neither he nor Logan had ever explained this part to her in too much detail. It made them uncomfortable. But it had to be said. Alex's tears had subsided since he started, so he knew she was listening, even if she was still gripping Logan with all her might.

"Katie's biggest problem was that she wanted to grow up too fast. She always did everything ahead of girls her age…" James took a deep breath and just went for it. "When she was sixteen, she decided that she was ready for sex. And she wasn't. But Katie, being her usual stubborn self, wouldn't let it be… Maybe if I had been more brave or done a million things differently, things would be different now…but instead of giving her what she wanted, we broke up. That…was when she was with Logan." James knew that she was old enough to read between the lines now. She knew he was talking about sex. He'd already said it once, he didn't have to say it again.

Logan decided it was time for him to contribute, especially since James had just brought him into the story. "I think she realized right away that she jumped the gun. She hadn't been ready…at least not for me. I probably shouldn't have…" Logan cleared his throat. "But I loved her."

"And I loved her too," James came back in, needing to finish the story himself, "which is why I realized I was being stupid and decided to try to work things out. I didn't know about Logan. I…gave her what she wanted. I was willing to give her everything she wanted, even tell her brother about us. But she didn't want that anymore. And…everything just got so messed up and confusing."

"Alex?" James prodded her back a little, hoping to get her to finally, at least, look at him.

She hesitated, but she did eventually turn to him, not meeting his eyes though.

He reached out and gently lifted her chin, needing her to hear and feel and believe the words he was about to say. "Nothing about that story makes her a terrible person, or a-a-a-… I can't ever say it because it was never true. Your mother was an amazing person. She just tried to grow up too fast. But she was beautiful, inside and out. And when we say that you are like her, we mean it. And that will never ever be a bad thing. Do you understand?"

Alex slowly nodded, her green eyes meeting his brown ones unflinchingly.

He knew she was telling the truth. "Thank God," he breathed, then he pulled her into his arms, and held her way too tight, but he didn't care. He just needed to hold her, just for a little while.

Kendall pulled into his parking spot on campus and braked a little too sharply. He cursed as the seatbelt dug into his skin. He wasn't hurt, just jarred, both mentally and now physically.

He put the pickup truck into park and tossed off the offending seatbelt then rested his hands on the steering wheel, staring sightlessly out the windshield.

She finally opened her eyes, gaining focus. "Good!" he thought, hoping she didn't have a concussion. Kendall grew confused as he watched the pain in the girls' face fade away to... was that hatred?

His hands fisted on the wheel and he leaned down, resting his forehead against them. His mind replayed his first meeting with the strangely familiar blonde girl. He remembered figuring out her scheme. He remembered her making the bet in a desperate attempt to get her friend accepted into the program.

From the moment she stepped on the ice, he knew the hostility she had directed at him the previous evening hadn't been just his imagination. This girl really didn't like him.

He remembered toying with her, wanting to see if she actually had any real skill before he shut her down. He remembered being impressed as she held her own. He remembered seeing her eye his injured side before deciding not to play dirty. He remembered his chagrin when he flipped over her back. And he remembered being amazed that the girl had actually scored. Most of all, he remembered her anger as she left the ice, throwing her equipment around, tossing off her skates.

He had always been perplexed at her obvious dislike of him, and now he understood why.

"And apparently you wanted nothing to do with me either…"

Oh, God, he banged his head against his closed fists a couple times.

It all made sense now.

She looked so familiar to him because she was the spitting image of him. Everything about her appearance, her mannerisms, her attitude, even her impressive hockey skills—it was all him. She was exactly like him.

He felt like he was going to be sick.

He was long past his anger at being in the same vicinity as Logan and James for the first time in so long. At the back of his mind, he was still ticked at Carlos, Sophie, and Jo—because his wife had definitely been involved in this whole scheme. But he just couldn't think about all of that at the moment.

No, ironically all he could think about was the girl he'd been blocking from his mind for sixteen years.

His niece.

The girl who apparently hated him with every fiber of her being.

Not that he should be surprised.

What had he done?

"Well, he doesn't look like he's having a good day," Ashley said in her cheery voice, flouncing down next to Maggie in the grass.

Maggie cringed at the cheerfulness. It clashed with her mood.

"Who?" Maggie nearly snapped her reply, too focused on her inner turmoil to care if her attitude hurt the other girl's feelings.

Ashley shrugged, used to Maggie's mood swings, and nodded toward the parking lot, "Coach Knight. He's been sitting in his truck like that for a while now."

Maggie glanced up, smoothing her hair down trying to act nonchalant, and immediately saw him hunched over his steering wheel, appearing lost in thought. "Is he…crying?"

Ashley shook her head. "No. He just keeps sitting there. I saw him bang his head against his fists a couple times."

"Well…" Maggie smirked. "Good. He deserves whatever's bothering him."

"Maggieeee," Ashley said in disapproval.

Maggie sighed, hating whenever Ashley tried to be as positive and upbeat as possible, especially when she was in the mood to gripe and sneer.

"I know, he didn't know who Alex was when he kicked her out," Maggie admitted. "BUT! That still doesn't excuse the fact that he's ignored her all her life! Can't I at least hate him for that?"

Ashley shook her head, short brown ringlets bouncing. "You don't know his reasons."

"Well, why don't we just go over there and ask him?" Maggie said in frustration.

"You're mad at yourself and you're taking it out on him, you know that, right?" Ashley asked pointedly.

Maggie sighed and flopped back in the grass, staring at the sky. She really hated when Ashley gauged her emotions correctly. She liked keeping everything she was feeling on the inside, only letting out bits and pieces when she had to.

Of course, given the recent chain of events, it'd be pretty easy to guess what she was thinking.

Maggie wanted to hate Kendall Knight. And she wanted to hate him for one reason and one reason alone—to try to forget about how much she hated herself.

She had messed up a lot of things in her short life. Alex was always there to help though—until she messed up her friendship with Alex, that is.

She once tried something new with her hair because she hated how frizzy her unruly red hair was and ended up having to cut off most of the length. Her brothers had gotten a laugh out of that, much to her embarrassment, and her parents had shrugged it off because it was her hair after all. They, of course, wouldn't give her the money to go to a hairdresser and get it fixed. Fortunately, Alex's birthday was that month and her best friend decided she wanted a spa/salon day to celebrate, and her best friends had to come along too. Alex's dads loved the idea, especially James who wasn't sure Alex, at age nine, would ever be interested in more girly things. Maggie always suspected that Alex asked for it because she wanted Maggie to get her hair fixed. But Alex never mentioned it, and Maggie had too much pride to bring it up.

When Maggie was younger she was chubby so she couldn't ever wear the clothes her best friends' outgrew or got tired of but would have gladly given to her because they knew that her parents didn't have the money for anything but the basics. She was the lone girl in her family so she, luckily, wasn't forced to wear hand-me-downs from her brothers, but she got tired of her parents giving her that look of disapproval whenever she told them her clothes didn't fit anymore. She tried to eat less so she wouldn't get frowns at the dinner table, but she, as always, messed that up too. No matter what she did, she kept outgrowing things. It had taken her years to realize that she was a growing girl who would grow anyway and it wasn't just because she was fat that the clothes didn't fit anymore. She never told her best friends about it, but Alex must have noticed that she always wore the same clothes until they were extra tight or that even a "new" outfit was something from the "gently used" clothing shop. Alex almost always gave her clothes or gift cards to the best girls' clothing places for birthdays and Christmas.

Luckily, when she hit puberty she had a growth spurt and was suddenly only a couple inches shorter than Alex. Plus, all the baby fat went away. Suddenly she actually could wear the clothes Alex and Ashley didn't want anymore. James was always buying Alex new clothes because he loved fashion—he was the gayest straight man all of them knew—so Alex's housekeeper was constantly making trips to the donation bin. Alex let Maggie go through the clothes before Mrs. Quincy got to them, and then she'd mix Alex's stuff with hers to create an individual style so no one recognized it on Maggie. Somehow, Alex had realized that she shouldn't offer to just take Maggie shopping and buy her things. Maggie knew that Alex had the money from her parents and probably would have if asked, but she would be forever grateful that the blonde never broached such an embarrassing topic.

Alex was probably one of the most generous people Maggie knew, and she always treated Maggie like gold, trying to make Maggie's life that much better. And Maggie was grateful for everything—the clothes, the laptops, the presents. But deep down it had always sort of wounded her pride. And it made her just a little bitter…

And she hated that about herself.

She hated that she was so insecure that she'd actually lashed out at the one person she had always been able to count on. With a few words, she had ruined one of the best friendships she'd ever had, and she regretted it every day since.

She had vowed that she would find a way to make things right, and she eventually had an epiphany. She realized that she spent so much time being resentful of all the things Alex could do for her, she never once realized that she actually could return the favor and do something for Alex.

That was when inspiration hit in the form of Kendall Knight. She was so happy to finally be able to do something for Alex that she'd swung her plan into action at full force. Everything had been going well until Alex showed up. Then the entire plan came to a screeching halt.

And now, here she was, lying in the grass as she absorbed the entirety of the new mess she'd just made.

She hadn't been able to control her anger when Alex kept taking shots at her on the ice. If she hadn't attacked Alex, then Alex wouldn't have attacked back, and they wouldn't have ended up in Coach Knight's office, and he wouldn't have kicked Alex out of the program.

The one thing she hated more than showing people what she was feeling was being rejected. And she still felt Alex's rejection in the pit of her stomach.

Coach Knight couldn't have any idea that he had just made his own niece feel like the biggest reject on the planet. He couldn't have any idea the level of humiliation Alex must have felt in that moment. But Maggie could. She'd felt nothing but rejection from her family her entire life. She knew her parents loved her in their own way, and she knew that her brothers cared…sort of (especially the ones who already moved out), but she'd never felt like they truly wanted her around.

That was why Maggie wanted to hate him.

And that wasn't really his fault. And she knew it. And Ashley knew it. And—

"He's finally getting out of the truck," Ashley announced, drawing her legs up to her chest and resting her head on her knees to peek at Maggie.

Maggie grumbled, but hoisted herself up onto her elbows, staring disgruntled at the approaching figure.

They both watched him taking his usual route across the campus to his office, which happened to be on the path by where they were sitting. He walked by them without a word.

Maggie tried to catch a glimpse of his face to assess his thoughts, but failed.

Ashley looked at her and they both shrugged.

The redhead started to sink back down to the ground, but was startled at a masculine voice.

"You two know, don't you," Kendall said, not even bother forming it into a question. He had turned back almost immediately after passing them.

The two girls raised their eyebrows in question with Maggie giving more attitude than she probably should.

"About…Alex," he continued, nearly stumbling over her name.

Maggie sat upright and Ashley snapped up straight, both caught off guard, instantly realizing he said "Alex" and not "Allie".

"Guess that's a yes. I take it you knew her before you three came here," his lips twitched in a humorless smile. "So, she hates me right?"

Ashley started stuttering, not wanting to tell the truth but not really seeing a way around it.

"Why wouldn't she?" Maggie asked, eyes flashing.

Kendall looked down at her, but Maggie didn't shift or back down. She continued to glare at him.

He nodded. Then he walked away without another word.

Ashley shook her head.

"I can't believe he knows. He knows…He knows… Kendall Knight knows!" At first she spoke with dread, but the excitement in her voice by the time she got to the end showed how great she thought the news was.

"What are you so excited for?" Maggie asked. "He certainly didn't seem excited about it."

"Because he actually knows! Mags, don't you get it?" Ashley was practically bouncing in her joy, scrambling awkwardly to her knees in the grass, facing her friend. "It didn't happen the way we planned it, but we still actually did what we set out to do! So everything we talked about is still possible! They're going to work this out!"

Maggie scoffed. "What makes you think that? Because I sure didn't get that impression."

"Think about it!" Ashley grabbed the redhead's shoulder and shook her. "He asked us if Alex hated him!"

"Yeah, and she does, so what does—"

"Maggie! He wouldn't have asked if he didn't care!" Ashley's smile was huge, completely bubbling with excitement.

Maggie paused. The brunette had a point.

Ashley nearly squealed. "Yeah, she hates him now, but if he actually cares that she hates him, then there is something we don't know. Something none of us know, especially not Alex! I may not have known him long, but Coach Knight doesn't seem like a bad guy. He has three kids of his own! Obviously he likes kids. He decided to run this place, for crying out loud, and all the teens here love him! You know we would too if we didn't already know so much."

The redhead slowly nodded, "You're right."

"I know!" Ashley actually did squeal. "Everything's going to be okay! You'll see!"

"So…what do we do now?" Maggie asked hesitantly, feeling strange that she was asking Ashley for direction. Usually she just decided on a game plan without much thought and began bossing people around—which might also be why she was constantly messing things up—and now she was actually looking to Ashley to lead the way. It felt weird.

Ashley paused in her burst of excitement as well, shocked because she wasn't used to making the decisions. Unfortunately, she couldn't think of anything else for them to do. "Well, I…I guess there's nothing else we can do." Ashley deflated a little, but she still felt a lot of hope that she couldn't squelch.

"I just want my best friend back," Maggie said softly, brushing angrily at a stray tear in her eye. Damn feelings.

The brunette sank down a little and sighed. "I know. I guess it's up to Alex now. We've said everything we could say, we've done everything we could do. She needs to decide…but I don't think she's just going to throw ten years of friendship away forever."

The other girl sank down a little too, not liking that answer but knowing it was right.

"But, hey, you and me?" Ashley said softly, remembering how she'd let her own sadness and anger toward Maggie over the Alex situation injure their friendship. "We're okay…okay?"

Some of Maggie's mood finally lightened at that, knowing that Ashley had finally forgiven her completely, and she gave a small smile. The first real one she'd used for a while.

"Okay."

Logan ran his hand up and down Alex's back even though she'd long since settled down. They'd all been sitting there so long, they just didn't want to let go yet. Also, he was in a daze, partly because Alex had believed something so horrible about herself for so many years, and also…he was beginning to wonder what else she was holding back.

He and James spent so much time protecting her, telling her parts of the truth without explaining the difficult parts, that she drew her own conclusions.

He'd spent all her life trying to protect her, but there are some things that always get through. At some point, she needed to start making decisions for herself. She needed to figure out things on her own. He couldn't protect her from every single little thing, no matter how hard he tried.

"Alex," he murmured, leaning forward to plant a kiss in her hair. "I need to fix something before we leave. Stay with James. I'll be back soon," he whispered, knowing that James would stay with Alex the entire time without him needing to tell him to.

James' furrowed his brow a little, clearly silently asking, "Why?"

"Later," Logan mouthed, rising to his feet.

And then he left quickly.

He was about to do something he dreaded more than anything in this world, but he'd do it anyway.

For her.

"Daddy, I like Gage," Alex admitted softly. "Like…really like him."

James took a deep breath, suddenly wishing to call Logan back before he got too far. But Logan didn't have a problem with Gage or Alex's interest in him. James did. And now was not the time to make a hypocrite out of himself by forbidding her from seeing the boy ever again. Yes, she lied, but there was something much bigger going on here that he couldn't ignore.

"Explain to me how you ended up at Weston. I need to know everything. Then we can talk about Gage, okay?" he finally allowed.

So she explained. She talked about helping Gage with hockey, wanting to be there for him to support him. She revealed how Gage had epically failed on the ice. She went through her entire scheme to add Gage to the list, in which James couldn't help but smile fondly remembering all the times he'd been involved in such hair-brained schemes. Her first meeting with Kendall, how Kendall challenged her, how she played him on the ice and won. James snickered, but only on the inside. He was proud of his girl and would've loved to see Kendall flip over her back. He only nodded when she mentioned Jo calling, Jo having heard from Sophie, and that the blonde contacted some people in New York City to arrange for James to be conveniently out of town so that Alex, Jo, and Sophie's plan could fall into place.

"And that's the story of how I ended up at Weston," Alex finished, glad to finally have everything off her chest. She was feeling pretty good, amazingly. The past two days had been a train wreck of emotion, but she'd managed to come to terms with her mother's death and come to the realization that what she'd believed about her mother and herself for years was all false. Telling Daddy the truth about everything was the easy part compared to what she'd just admitted an hour ago.

"And what about this whole getting kicked out thing?" James asked. "Sophie said Kendall asked you to leave?"

Alex looked heavenward. "Maggie and Ashley ended up enrolling in the girls program there. Maggie and I sorta had a small…fight. And he wanted us to talk to him to fix the problem, and I wouldn't. I told him I didn't even want to be there. So he said if I didn't want to be there, I could just go. That Gage could still stay."

"What was the problem with Maggie and Ashley?" James asked. "I mean, since we're laying all our cards on the table here, so to speak."

"You know…" Alex said softly. "I think the problem may have just…fixed itself. Sort of. Some things you just don't need to know, you know, girl stuff." She figured if he got so mad at Melanie he divorced her, he probably shouldn't know what her best friend had said to her. Besides, some things he really didn't need to know.

"Riiight," James still wanted to know, but figured there was always time for that later. "So, Kendall…" he started, about to change the direction of the conversation.

Alex shook her head, "Gage. You said we'd talk about Gage once I told you everything."

James shifted and sighed. "Okay, you're sure you've told me absolutely everything?"

Alex nodded, "Yes!"

"Because you never mentioned anything with Gage. I'm not assuming anything, but I want to know exactly what liking Gage….has, er…" He really should just spit it out, shouldn't he?

"Just spit it out, Daddy," Alex said.

James flushed uncomfortably, "Exactly what have you and Gage…" he coughed. He really should get better at asking her things like this.

Luckily, Alex was a smart girl and figured it out on her own. She flushed too and was quick to reply, "No! I just like Gage. Him and I haven't talked about going out, or kissed, or anything! I only just realized it might be okay to like him and…maybe go out?" She ended in a hopeful question.

Resisting the urge to sigh with great relief, James made a decision.

"Well…you should have a date to your Sweet Sixteen party…" He decided that would be okay.

"That long?" Alex nearly whined. "That's so far away!"

"Baby steps, okay?" James shrugged. "This is not easy for me…and besides, from now til the end of summer sounds like a good grounding period for what you did and put me and Logan through."

Alex agreed. She was lucky her sweet sixteen wasn't cancelled altogether.

Logan hesitated before knocking on the office door. He would never be ready for this, but it was now or never. So, he knocked.

"Come in!"

He gulped, opened the door, and went inside, shakily closing the door behind him.

Kendall looked up, saw the last person in the world he expected to see, and glared.

Logan cleared his throat, tried to make eye contact with Kendall and failed miserably.

The years had not made Kendall any more sympathetic to Logan's plight. The ache of betrayal had dulled, the millions of memories they'd made as best friends had been suppressed to the point that Kendall only rarely had one pop out before he buried it again. Kendall had done a fantastic job of pushing every trace of Logan Mitchell from his mind. Having him stand in front of him brought everything back at once—the good memories but also the bad. The sting of betrayal sprung up and made him want to lash out just as badly as he'd wanted to years ago.

There was also a new kind of hurt too based on the new information he now had about Alex.

Silence reigned.

Logan kept trying to say what he needed to say. He kept trying to look Kendall in the eye. None of it worked. He couldn't do this. He didn't know why he thought he could.

He gave up, and turned to leave.

"She hates me."

He stopped. Well, at least Kendall was addressing the topic Logan wanted to discuss. He just wished Kendall didn't have that tone of voice while doing it.

He turned back around, still silent, still looking everywhere except at Kendall.

"I repeat," Kendall grounded out the words in anger, "she hates me."

"Yeah, I guess she does," Logan spoke for the first time.

"Why?"

Logan shrugged.

"Damn it, Logan," Kendall stood up from his chair, pushing it away from him so hard that it rolled and slammed against the wall behind him. "I want to know why!"

"I don't know," Logan said truthfully.

"Right. I'm sure you and James had nothing to do with it," Kendall said sarcastically.

Logan looked up immediately and finally made eye contact with Kendall, "Absolutely not."

Kendall opened his mouth to argue, but Logan interrupted him.

"She's known exactly who you are all of her life. We never lied to her. And up until a few years ago she idolized you. So, no, James and I didn't do anything to make her hate you. We never hated you," Logan said, getting his gumption back finally. "Maybe it had something to do with you ignoring her all her life. Maybe that's why she does. But honestly, I have no idea."

Kendall was reeling inside. "What do you mean, idolized?" And if that's true, then why…

"As in, she learned to skate almost before she could walk. As in she's been playing hockey since she was old enough to hold a stick and keep upright on her skates. As in, she spent years studying you on the ice. As in, you were always her favorite player. She told anyone and everyone that she was going to be a professional hockey player someday, just like her Uncle Kendall," Logan stared him down, his own anger showing at the way Kendall had basically forgotten Alex existed.

"Then… what happened?" Kendall asked, pretty much astonished. And his guilt was on the rise. She was just like him. He knew she looked like him, and knew hockey was in her blood, but to hear all of this? She was basically the daughter he'd never had but secretly wanted. The universe must have a sense of humor.

"To be honest, we were sort of relieved to not have to talk about you anymore, so we never pressed her on the issue," Logan shrugged again. "You'd have to ask her."

Kendall remembered the way Logan acted earlier, fiercely protecting Alex before Kendall could say anything to her. "And you'd let me. Ask her." It wasn't a question.

"That's why I'm here," Logan explained. "I've made a lot of choices for Alex all her life that I've made in her best interest. But this time I can't do that. I can try to protect her for the rest of her life, but at some point she has to make these choices herself. I'm not going to keep her from you. It's up to her, though, if she wants to have anything to do with you. And, I swear to God, Kendall, if you're just going to hurt her, then I'd rather you stay away. She didn't do anything to deserve any of this. She's an innocent in all of this."

"I know," Kendall said quietly.

"Contact Carlos once you've made a decision. He'll talk to Alex, and Alex will decide what she wants to do," Logan instructed. "You won't have to deal with me or James. And neither of us will stand in your way. That's all I had to say."

He turned to leave again, but, once again, was stopped with words.

"I hate you..."

Logan nodded.

"..That's never going to change."

Logan opened the door and almost left without saying anything else, the words like a blow to his stomach even though he already knew them to be true, but whispered loud enough for Kendall to hear anyway, "Not as much as I hate myself."

And he left.

Kendall shakily grabbed his runaway chair, and pulled it back up to the desk, nearly collapsing in it as a side effect to the adrenaline coursing through him.

He glanced at the clock. 11:00 am. The day wasn't even half over, and yet it felt like a week had passed. He wondered what other surprises the day would hold.

His wrist phone jingled, and he clicked his ear piece, answering quickly seeing that it was Jo.

"Jo?"

"How are you?"

"Figuring things out," he answered truthfully.

"I'm sorry for my part in all of this, I know how much it bothers you, I just—"

"It's okay," he interrupted gently. "I'm not mad at you." And he wasn't anymore, amazingly.

"Good," the relief in her tone was evident.

"There's actually another reason why I'm calling…" she trailed off.

"What's up?" he asked, sure he wasn't going to like whatever she had to say considering she was dragging it out.

"The boys," she began. "I was hoping they wouldn't, but you know them. They know something's going on. They haven't had a chance to ask yet, but I know they're going to ask me a million questions. You know they don't miss anything. And I don't know what to tell them."

Kendall rubbed his eyes. Of course the boys would have questions. And it was up to him to give them some sort of answer.

"Bring them all here; pack some of their stuff too. I don't want them there as long as James and Logan are," Kendall said. He had this irrational need to get them as far away from the two people he hated most in this world. He knew the two would never do anything to hurt his kids, of course. But he still didn't want them around each other.

"Noah's with Sophie, she took the younger three to a birthday party for one of Leo's friends. I'll do as you ask, and just have her drop off Noah later," Jo wasn't about to argue over any of this. This was completely Kendall's situation to maneuver now.

"Even better," Kendall said. He'd rather talk to the older two without the little one running around. "See you soon."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Caleb sat upright on the cheesy floral couch in his father's coach's quarters. His hands clutched at his knees. He was reeling from everything he'd just learned about the pretty girl named Alex he had met for the first time yesterday, who it turned out was his cousin. He now knew his Aunt Katie had actually died from her pulmonary embolism after having a baby, and having the baby caused the blood clot thing to happen. He also now knew the real reason he and Carter had never met the other guys in Dad's old band, and it had nothing to do with "drifting apart". Of course, he'd never really cared about meeting the other guys because it wasn't like they were people Dad or Mom ever talked about. Caleb thought of them as Dad's co-workers, and both Dad and Mom had a lot of co-workers they'd never introduced to their sons, so why would it matter to Caleb if he'd never met the other Big Time Rush guys.

"I want to go back," Caleb announced, determined.

Carter, Jo, and Kendall looked at Caleb, eyebrows raised all around.

"I want to go back to Uncle Carlos'," Caleb explained further. "I want to go right now." He stared at his father, daring him to disagree.

"No," Kendall did, in fact, disagree, and the tone of his voice suggested there was no room for argument.

Caleb was growing very angry. He knew better than to get this angry anymore, especially since the last time he did he'd nearly gotten kicked out of school for defending his brother. Plus he was raised never to disrespect his parents, but everything he'd believed for the past twelve years of his life was suddenly being called into question.

Caleb glared, his fingers digging deep into his knees. "I want to meet my cousin."

"Caleb, honey, not right now," Jo said soothingly.

"She's family, Mom!" Caleb argued, looking to his brother to back him up, but Carter sat quietly.

"I know, it's just—" Jo tried to explain again what Kendall had already told them. They had to wait until Alex decided if she wanted to talk to Kendall, and Kendall had to actually talk to Alex first before the boys could officially meet her.

"She's family!" He practically yelled. "I don't understand. We don't turn our backs on family. It's the one thing you both always say! We never turn our back on family!" He glared at his father. "How could you not tell us about her, Dad? You turned your back on family! How could you do that?! "

"Don't talk to Dad like that," Carter finally spoke.

"Are you serious?" Caleb turned on his twin brother in astonishment. "We find out we have a cousin we've never even met, one that he's kept from us, and you're going to take his side!?"

"He's our Dad!" Carter pointed out. "I'm sure he has a good reason for everything. And I'm sure as soon as he talks to Alex, everything will be fine."

"Boys, please," Jo didn't like that they were arguing. This entire situation was spinning out of control again.

"Why would she talk to him?!" Caleb argued. "If my family had turned their backs on me my whole life, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with us either! I wanna go back!"

"You're not going back. That's final," Kendall said stoically and tight lipped, then he left the room. This was a topic he'd never been able to talk with to anyone until today. It had been one of the hardest things to do, explaining the past to his boys. And now having his oldest son—who was acting the way a young Kendall Knight would—spell out the entire truth of the situation, it was a little too much for him to take. So, he had to leave.

Caleb stared at his father's back in disbelief.

Carter called out and started to follow, "Dad!" He looked at his brother, "I can't believe you said that!"

Jo grabbed Carter's hand before he could get far and tugged him down to sit by her right side on the other couch. "Let him be."

"But—"

"Carter…Caleb, your father has a lot of things to work through right now, and he needs to do it on his own."

Caleb scoffed, "He's had all her life to do that, why's it gonna be any different now?"

"Because all the things you just yelled at him? He's been telling himself already," Jo explained.

"Good!" Caleb said. "I still want to go back to Uncle Carlos' right now!" He stood up. "I'll walk if I have to, but I'm going! Before she decides she doesn't want anything to do with any of us!"

"Caleb, she knows you didn't do this on purpose, she knows you didn't know and she's not going to judge you for it," Jo reached out for his hand to tug him down on her left side. "That's what this is about, isn't it?"

"Mom, I gotta go," Caleb's eyes looked so sad, and Jo should've realized sooner how this would affect her oldest.

"You're upset because you've never been there for her, aren't you?" Jo asked softly. Her oldest 'knight' was always fiercely protective of those he cared about—and family had always been his number one priority.

"I don't know anything about her, Mom. She's family, and I didn't know," Caleb asked, kicking the air a little.

"I promise you that she's been okay," Jo wrapped her arm around both of her boys, and they willingly laid their heads against her shoulders. "She has two amazing dads who have done everything they could to make sure she's happy and loved. If anything really bad happened, Sophie and Carlos would've told me. And nothing bad has happened." She wasn't going to tell them about that time Alex ran away, or the time she fell while skiing. That was over and done with anyway. "And she's old enough to know that you had nothing to do with your father's actions. I'll talk to your dad about this, and I'm sure he'll agree, that I should talk to your aunt and uncle, okay? The same way Alex has to decide if she wants to talk to your dad, I'll have them ask her if she wants to talk to you guys. I'll point out that she can meet you guys even if she doesn't want to meet Dad. Does that sound good?"

When both boys nodded, Jo realized that even Carter was upset about the situation. He was just trying to keep his faith in Kendall, trusting that his father had done the right thing, and hoping that the entire situation could be explained logically. Carter had always been the more logical, analyzing an entire situation before drawing a conclusion. It was Caleb who acted on instinct. Both boys had put Kendall on a pedestal all their lives. Carter was trying his best to keep him there, and Caleb was scared because he'd let him fall a little.

She prayed to God that Kendall did have a plausible explanation. No child should find out their parent is human and not perfect…at least not at their age.

She also prayed that Kendall didn't shut down again the way he had all those years ago. She wouldn't let her boys know that she was worried, but she hadn't liked the way Kendall just left in the middle of their discussion. Would he be able to talk to Alex if she agreed? But, most of all, why did Kendall ignore Alex all her life? That was the million dollar question. And only one person knew that answer. But that answer could make or break her entire family.

This was officially the longest day of Kendall Knight's life.

He figured when Logan said he'd tell Alex she could arrange to meet Kendall through Carlos that it would take the girl a little while to decide, a day at the very least.

Nope. Alex wanted to talk to him that evening.

As Carlos explained it on the phone, she just wanted to "get it over with."

It was decided he'd meet Alex at Carlos' house. Her dads would go out with Carlos and his family for dinner and a movie. Sophie had dropped Noah at Kendall's place after the kid party like Jo had instructed her.

Kendall was relieved to be meeting Alex without Logan and James around, but he really wasn't sure he was ready for this. However, it was her choice, so he either had to deal with everything now, or she'd probably never give him the chance again.

It was with great trepidation that he pulled his pickup truck into Carlos' roundabout entryway. He pulled to the side, parked, and turned the engine off.

He patted his jacket to make sure the item he'd grabbed from his office safe was where he'd put it. It was.

He took a deep breath and headed for the front door, vaguely noticing that Sophie's mini-van was a little ways up in the roundabout, lights on. He knocked and waited patiently for Carlos to answer. At least he hoped it would be Carlos, not Alex just yet.

The door opened and he breathed a sigh of relief when Carlos came out to greet him.

"Hey, buddy," Carlos said softly with a gentle smile.

"Hey," Kendall said, albeit a bit nervously.

"Everyone's already in the car, figured it'd be better that way," Carlos nodded toward the vehicle Kendall had noticed.

Kendall nodded, appreciating that he was given a reprieve from seeing Logan and James again.

"She's in the den," Carlos said. "And…I guess I'll see you later…"

Kendall nodded again, looking at the door now, mentally preparing himself.

"So… later…"

"Wait," Kendall reached out for Carlos' arm, stopping him momentarily.

"Yeah?" Carlos asked.

"I…thank you," Kendall said, chest tight because this was really hard for him. At least he'd have a test run on the hard stuff with his friend before he went into the unknown.

"You're welcome," Carlos said, nodding at the house, glad to have helped set up the meeting.

"No, not for this…" Kendall nodded at the house too, "I mean for everything you did for her…back then."

Carlos' mouth dropped open. Emotions hit him. "Of…course." His best friend had never once spoken to him about anything regarding Alex. As far as Carlos knew, Kendall barely knew anything about what Carlos had done the first year of Alex's life.

Kendall clasped his oldest friend's shoulder tightly. "You were the only one who thought of her first. Who knows what…if you hadn't done… I… so, thank you."

Carlos was struggling to swallow, he felt like his heart was in his throat. His emotions felt insanely raw.

"You're welcome," he managed.

Then he reached out to grasp Kendall's shoulder.

"Everything's going to be okay." He had to say it because suddenly he realized that the blonde needed to hear it. Whatever happened all those years ago, Kendall wasn't here now to tell Alex he didn't want anything to do with her. He was there because he wanted to make amends somehow. Kendall was going to have to explain everything to Alex and was hoping that Alex somehow wouldn't turn him away. Kendall was scared, and Carlos could see it on his face even if the hockey player was trying to hide it.

Kendall nodded, braced himself, and went inside.

Carlos walked to the car, breathing deeply, and praying to God that somehow everything really would be okay.

She looked about as tired as he felt. Apparently it'd been a long day for both of them.

He entered the living room where she was sitting quietly in an oversized recliner. She tensed slightly, his only indication that she knew he was there. She wouldn't look at him. He figured she was mentally preparing herself the same way he had. She was, after all, just like him. The irony was not lost on him.

He decided it was up to him to get things started. He settled on the couch closest to her, knowing she took the recliner because it was a single seat and she didn't want him to sit next to her.

He cleared his throat, "Alex, I know you have a lot of questions and I—"

"You blamed me for her death," Alex blurted, getting straight to the point. "I'm not an idiot. I figured it out years ago. I believed it too. That I killed my mom. I believed it all the way up until yesterday. I know it wasn't my fault now. But I also know you don't see it that way."

She finally looked at him, her green eyes piercing, daring him to deny her words. "I just want you to say it. To own it. So I can have a valid excuse for ignoring you for the rest of your life."

Kendall swallowed, shaking slightly, and hesitantly nodded.

Alex felt a pit form in her stomach. For all her bravado, she was still adjusting to not blaming herself for her mother's death. There was still a tiny part of her that whispered, "Murderer!" She knew it would take time to make that voice go away completely. There was also this other part of her that really truly hoped her Uncle didn't blame her, that if he didn't think it was her fault it would help that voice go away faster.

All her hopes were for naught now. But she knew, deep down, that her mother's death wasn't her fault. And it angered her to think that Kendall Knight thought it was.

She glared at him.

"I…blamed you," Kendall said softly, trying to talk around the lump in his throat. "I blamed Logan, I blamed James, I blamed my Dad…I blamed my Mom, Carlos, Jo…," he scoffed at himself. "I blamed the nurses, the doctors…I blamed every single person around me. For months, I was…"

Kendall looked down. He hated remembering that time. He had lost all love for life. He was grieving. He never really stopped. He just learned to live with it.

"…lost." His eyes grew damp and he quickly swiped at them.

"Katie was my baby sister. I called her that, you know?" he smiled slightly through the tears glistening in his eyes again. "Baby sister. And she called me 'big brother'."

He saw Alex turn her head to swipe at her eyes too.

"And I was the best big brother. I always protected her, even though most of the time she didn't need it," he gave another small smile remembering his sister's antics. "We'd always been really close. And losing her…was the worst thing that ever happened to me," he nearly choked on the words. "I didn't see it coming. I didn't have time to say goodbye. She was already in a coma by the time I arrived at the hospital. She was just lying there, pale. Hooked up to all the machines, the only things keeping her alive. And for the first time I was completely helpless. There was nothing I could do to protect her, to save her."

He forced himself to take a deep breath. His emotions strangling him.

Alex was in much the same situation. Hearing her uncle reveal his inner most thoughts to her was not what she anticipated during this meeting. He was being completely open and real. And she was seeing for the first time the tragedy that her mother's death was. It was always something that happened in the past because she was only days old back then. Her parents had already gotten through the dark parts by the time she was old enough to understand. They had only focused on the good parts, where they'd been given the gift of a daughter to raise and love and to love them. She'd never felt the death of her mother as harshly as another might because she never had her to begin with. But Uncle Kendall had her. For sixteen years Katie Knight had been in his life. He watched her grow up and he loved her, and he lost all of that in an instant.

"When I first realized she was gone, it was like…everything shut down. All I could feel was anger. I just wanted to hurt James and Logan as much as I was hurting. I wanted to hurt everyone," Kendall admitted. "I trusted no one. Not Carlos, not Jo, not even my Mom. The fact that James and Logan, two people who I trusted completely, especially Logan, betrayed my trust? That had me doubting everything in my life."

"I shut down. I stayed at Jo's place. I spoke to no one, barely even her. I didn't think about you at all. And it wasn't a conscious decision on my part. I just shut out everyone and everything. I blamed everyone and everything for Katie's death, and yes, even you," he continued. "I didn't do anything, just slept, ate, watched tv but barely focused on it, played some video games, then repeated it all every day for months."

"Then one day Jo forced me out of the apartment. I don't remember why or how, I just remember that we were outside, and we passed a playground. And this boy was pushing his little sister on a swing. And she called him 'Big Brother'…" the lump in his throat grew again, remembering, "and that was when the truth finally hit me.

"I wasn't just angry at everyone else and blaming everyone else. I was also angry at her. Why didn't she tell me? She was going through the biggest thing in her life and she hid it from me. So yes, I was mad at her and that was the real reason I shut down. The very thought that I was angry at her became too much for me to take. I couldn't be angry at her when she was dead. It wasn't right. Everyone else was to blame, not her! It wasn't her fault this happened to her. So, yeah, I shut down. That day by the playground woke me up, made me realize what I needed to do to help myself get past it, and I finally forgave her. I needed that. I needed to forgive her for keeping all of this from me. And when I forgave her...that was when I began to blame myself. And yes, I still blame Logan and James. But the real truth was…it was my fault.

"I was her big brother. I was supposed to protect her, to be there for her. Once I was seeing things clearer, at first I asked myself, 'Why didn't I know? How come I didn't pay more attention to her?' I failed her. I was too busy with my career to stop and wonder why she was really going to stay with our father," he scoffed, forever angered at himself, "Neither of us cared for him that much, I should've realized something bigger was going on.

"But I never realized, and then it was too late. But it was all on me. I was the one who became friends with Logan and James. I was the one who brought them into her life. I was the one who moved us all to Los Angeles to follow some crazy dream—that wasn't even my dream. I should've been there for my baby sister and I wasn't…and sometimes I wonder if she had that same thought in those months she was at our father's house. Did she ever think 'Why didn't Kendall realize something was wrong? Why isn't he here making everything okay?' And I wasn't there, I wasn't. And no matter how many times I say that to myself, it doesn't change anything, I can't go back in time and do anything differently."

Kendall nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a tentative touch on his shoulder, snapping back to reality after getting lost in a world he'd long since buried to find that Alex had moved. She was standing next to him, the couch's arm still in between them as a small barrier, but she was touching his shoulder, extending a small ounce of comfort, breaking him free of the memories that were so hard for him.

"It wasn't your fault," Alex said softly. "I said that I believed it was mine too. But I don't now…someone explained to me that everything happens for a reason. He said that whether we understand it or not, it was her time to go. You can play the blame game all you want, but it doesn't change anything. She made her choices and you're not responsible for them. You forgave her, now you need to forgive yourself."

Kendall started to shake his head because that was easiersaid than done.

She saw that she still hadn't reached him, and she remembered what Gage said the day before to convince her and turned those words around on her uncle.

"Do you really think she wants you to beat yourself up for the rest of your life for this?"

He stopped shaking his head and thought about what Katie'd say if she could hear him now. Alex was right. He'd spent so much time blaming himself he never once realized how much Katie'd hate that he was doing that. She'd always been one to make her own choices, being extra stubborn. If she had the chance she'd probably pull on his ear and tell him how stupid he was being.

"No," he allowed.

Alex removed her hand and walked back to sit in the recliner, done with offering comfort. She understood his plight more and she could see that his thoughts were a lot like hers. It didn't explain why he'd ignored her all her life, but at least she knew where his head was at before he tried to explain the past sixteen years.

Kendall felt her withdrawal straight down to his core. She had offered comfort to him, knowing and understanding exactly what he felt more than anyone else ever had. Now he was even more impressed with the young woman before him. She'd clearly suffered a world of hurt at his hand, but she'd still shown him compassion even though he probably didn't deserve it. His feelings for Logan and James aside, they'd certainly raised her right.

"Whether I am to blame or not," he needed more time to reflect internally on that, "I still owe you an explanation for the past sixteen years…"

"Yes," she said simply. "You do."

Kendall bowed his head to gather his thoughts and figure out the best way to explain.

"I told you how lost I was back then….that it took me a while to…." he didn't even know how to finish that sentence. He felt rather than saw her nod, so he felt it was okay to continue. "By the time I started thinking about anything else, Carlos had you and was planning to give you to Logan and James. And, I didn't really know what to do…and, well, this…" he reached into his jacket and withdrew the item he brought for her. "I found it in Katie's stuff from the hospital. My Dad bailed like he always did—guess he couldn't handle it," he shrugged, "so they gave me a box of her belongings after she… I didn't go through the box until after I forgave her. But I found this…"

He passed the small book to her. "It was her diary."

Alex silently took the item, gingerly as if it was holy and she feared she would destroy it just by touching it.

"You read it." Alex said with some trepidation. She was sort of scared to read it herself. She had only ever heard about her mother from other people. This book, it was her mother's words on paper.

"Only the last entry…" Kendall explained. "It was written the day she died. She hadn't seen you since you were born, just pictures. You were too tiny and there were complications." Alex nodded, she knew about that. "She was excited because the doctors said she was finally well enough to go see you. But she also wrote…she had decided to keep you, Alex."

Tears gathered in her eyes when he began to tell her about the entry, but she gasped and the tears spilled over at his words now. Her mother wanted to keep her?

"She knew that it would get complicated and difficult, and she was afraid to tell me, but she was going to anyway. She didn't know who your father was, but she was going to find out. She decided that you needed your father in your life. There would be no more hiding or lying. She could no more deny you your father than she could deny him his daughter…"

"My sister's last wish was for you to be raised by her, and your father," Kendall said ironically, smiling almost bitterly at the sting of referring to Logan and James. "Any inkling I may have had to try to fight those two for you went away when I read that."

Alex was stunned to say the least, but now the second theory of why Kendall had ignored her was starting to look more likely.

"So you ignored me because you hated them," Alex said, not spitting the words out in anger as she might have earlier, but in disappointment. At least he didn't blame her for her mother's death, but ignoring her because he couldn't stomach her dads enough to try to contact her was still pretty crappy of him.

"No." Kendall shook his head.

"No? You've got to admit, it looks that way. You still could have seen me even though you didn't raise me. I see Uncle Carlos all the time, go visit him without my parents even. I could've come to visit you like that. But, nope. You didn't want to have anything to do with my parents, so you didn't want anything to do with me either." She ended with the exact same words she'd first said to him that morning when she revealed who she was. She did it on purpose. He never answered her that morning and she still wanted a response.

"I hate them," he said. "I don't think it's possible for me to ever feel anything for them again besides hate. They betrayed me. We were best friends, and…" He stopped. He needed to calm the rising anger. There was no place for that here and now. This was about Alex. He had to make her understand. She probably would never forgive him, but at least he could make her understand. "All that doesn't matter..."

"I didn't stay away from you because of them. I stayed away from you because of me."

"…" Alex waited.

"When I was finally able to see past my grief, I wanted to come get you. I wanted to tell James and Logan to go to hell and take you away and raise you myself," Kendall explained.

Alex, perplexed, just stared in disbelief.

Kendall nodded at her look, "Yes, I did. You were the only thing left of my sister. I wanted to raise you and protect you, just like I'd always promised myself I'd do for her. But then I read that last diary entry. She wanted you with your father. I knew that if I saw you at all, I wouldn't be able to honor her wishes. I'd need to know what was happening with you twenty-four/seven. I'd need to be in complete control of your life to make sure nothing bad could ever happen to you. I also knew that James and Logan would probably fight me for custody. It would turn into a huge, long, nasty custody battle. I didn't want to put you through that, especially when I already knew what Katie truly wanted. So…I let you go." He breathed deeply, amazed at how stupid and cold the words sounded now that he was saying them aloud.

He took a deep breath, and struggled to meet her eyes.

"I ignored you, as you said, because I thought it was the best thing I could possibly do for you," he explained. "I couldn't stand to hear anything about you over the years because I'd have doubts about whether I'd made the right choice. And…I've always felt I'd failed you. I just couldn't shake the belief that being in your life would fail you even more, especially since I'd already failed Katie so badly.

"I honestly had no idea that all of this was hurting you. I didn't mean to make you think I'd rejected you. I was…trying to protect you the only way I knew how to…"

Alex was shocked. She'd never once thought in all of this that her uncle really cared about her at all. It hadn't seemed possible, how could you ignore someone you cared about? But everything he said made sense. She wasn't happy with his choices, but she understood them. For the first time she didn't feel like this big huge problem that ruined all of their lives, for the first time she felt like she'd been wanted by everyone in her life.

Except for one thing…

"A few years ago when I was ten," Alex began, "I was in a really bad skiing accident. Dad tried to get in contact with you, he thought you would want to know…even though you hadn't ever been involved before. He thought I was going to die, it was that bad. If you really cared about me, why didn't you act like it at all?"

Alex needed to know the answer to this question more than anything. Up until the accident, she loved the elusive Uncle Kendall she'd never met. She idolized him; he was her favorite hockey player. But that all changed the night Uncle Carlos came to her hospital room while she was 'sleeping' and told Dad that he tried to reach Kendall, that he had reached Kendall, but Kendall didn't want to know anything. He'd hung up. She'd never seen Logan cry before, but he'd cried that night. She got so angry at her uncle then. How could he make Dad cry? Anyone who would hurt him that much must not be such a great person after all. She felt like Kendall had betrayed her trust, she saw her idol for what he really was for the first time, and he wasn't someone to idolize at all.

"It was five years ago next week. It was July eighteenth, two thousand twenty-five, to be exact," Kendall sighed. "That was Noah's birthdate. He came early and Jo had a difficult time giving birth. I was a mess, worried about losing both of them. I was already having flashbacks to the night Katie died when Carlos managed to reach me. Hearing about your accident was pretty much the last straw. I couldn't take one more piece of bad news at that point. There was no way I could leave my wife and child's side though. I didn't hang up on Carlos because I didn't care, I just…couldn't take anymore. I'm sorry. And, for what it's worth, I am glad you were okay."

"You made him cry," Alex said softly, understanding him more than she thought she would, and needing to give her own explanation for turning against him.

"Carlos?" Kendall asked, confused.

"No, Dad…I mean, Logan," Alex explained, knowing he needed clarification. "Uncle Carlos told Dad you hung up. Dad was at my bedside. I don't remember where Daddy—James—was at the time, but he was around somewhere. Anyway, I was groggy from the pain meds and they thought I was asleep, but I heard. Dad figured that meant you really didn't care. After Uncle Carlos left the room for some reason—Maybe to give him some privacy?—I could tell Dad was crying. Not like…crazy tears," she didn't want to make him sound like a crybaby, because it wasn't like that. There were sniffles and tears, but Dad kept it quiet. It was just enough to scare her ten year old self because, really, what was more terrifying than your Dad crying? "Just…you know…manly tears," she finished lamely, shrugging, and rolling her eyes on the inside.

"I…" Kendall didn't know whether to apologize or not. He honestly didn't care that he'd made Logan cry, but telling her that probably wasn't the best thing.

"No, you don't have to…" Alex started. "I'm just…trying to explain why. Why I started to hate you so much. Up until then, you could do no wrong. And then you made my Dad cry. I was ten, remember? And all I knew was that you'd hurt him. I could never like anyone who hurt him."

"I understand," he said truthfully. Growing up, he would've hated anyone who made his mother cry too.

"After that, that's when I realized you weren't like all the other family I had who lived far away and I never saw, like Dad's parents. You were different. You were deliberately ignoring us. And… so that's why…"

"That's why you hate me so much," he breathed.

"Yep, "Alex confirmed.

They sat in silence for a few moments.

"So…what now?" she asked.

"Well…" he didn't know the answer to that one, but just went with his gut. "I guess it's up to you."

They sat in silence for long moments.

"I don't want to hate you anymore…" Alex finally said softly, glancing at him.

He nodded, breathing out, a little relieved.

"And I would like to…maybe…spend time with…or get to know you…if that's somehow possible…but," she looked up sharply.

"But, what?" he asked, barely believing she was going to give him a chance.

"You can't take me away from my dads. They're my parents, and I'm almost sixteen, old enough to be able to say in a court of law that THEY are my parents and I'm not going to—"

Kendall held up his hands, immediately interrupting, "No, no, no, I wouldn't do that, not now, I swear."

"Really? Because that's why you didn't want to see me before and I need my dads and I know you can never forgive them, but they're always going to be my dads," she went on, wishing she could stop running at the mouth.

"I know, I know," Kendall nodded, "Time changes all things apparently. Not…my relationship with your dads, that's gone forever. But now that the grief isn't so sharp, and maybe the blame I've put on myself has dulled, the concept of seeing you without wanting to take you away isn't something that bothers me now. What bothers me is that my blaming myself ended up hurting you, when I was trying to do the complete opposite. I am truly sorry for all the pain that I've caused you. I want to make it up to you, any way you'll allow me to." He knew the apology was long overdue.

"Okay," Alex said. "I can accept that."

"Oh, thank God," he breathed in relief, smiling brightly at her.

She cleared her throat, "Um, sorry for lying about my name before…"

"That's okay," he laughed. "Allie Bishop definitely kept me on my toes."

She nodded sheepishly, "Sorry for being so…difficult."

"You had every right to be," he accepted the apology. "I just hope whatever happened with those girls can be worked out…," he hesitated but realized this is something an uncle might ask, "Is there anything I can do to help? Talk to those girls? What was the problem? Because I can kick them out too," he blanched when he realized he kicked his own niece out. "You can come back!"

Alex blushed. She was never telling her dads what the argument with Maggie and Ashley had been about, and she definitely was never telling Kendall Knight either. That was way too awkward.

"It'll be fine, it kinda worked itself out over the past couple days," she insisted. "I just have to talk to them."

"If you're sure…," he said.

"Yes, we'll be fine. We grew up together. Those two have always been my best friends. The three of us did everything together. We hit a…bumpy patch, but we'll always be best friends," she smiled softly. "It's great having lifelong friends."

Kendall tried not to flinch, he really did, but it got away from him. He cleared his throat and resisted the urge to warn her about having friends like that.

He nodded instead, "Okay."

She noticed his reaction and felt a little sad. Four important men in her life, torn apart, and never put back together again. Maybe, given some time, she could help them. The task seemed incredibly daunting, but she could try.

"Thanks for letting me come back," she said. "I'm not sure if I can because I was lying to my dads about going and they probably won't let me come back. I'm actually kind of…grounded because of it."

Kendall shrugged off his disappointment, knowing it would've been the perfect opportunity to get to spend more time with her.

"I really only stayed because you made me," Alex explained. "I didn't want to beat you on the ice because I really didn't want to stay, but you got me so mad it kinda happened before I thought about it."

Kendall grinned proudly, "That was awesome! You tricked me, and I couldn't be more proud to know I was playing a Knight—not a Bishop." He winked at her.

"I can ask my dads if they'll let me stay, but I doubt Daddy will because of Gage," she rolled her eyes.

Kendall frowned. "Why would James—" he paused, eyes widening as he remembered every time Gage talked or confided to him about Allie, also known as Alex, his niece. Crap.

Alex noted his face turn an interesting shade of red.

"Grounded, yeah, you should really just go home. That's a great idea," he backpedalled as he tried to remember if Gage had ever said anything inappropriate to him about Alex. He breathed easier when he realized one of the things he liked best about the kid was his honesty. Gage was a good kid. But he really didn't want to think about Alex dating anyone. She shouldn't be allowed to date until she's thirty, and James and Logan better agree!

Alex sighed, glanced heavenward, and mumbled, "You may hate him, but you sure do sound just like Daddy."

Good! He cleared his throat, "I just mean…"

"Let's just work on our stuff, okay?" Alex cut him off. "The rest isn't really up to you…" She trailed off. She didn't want to offend him, but it really wasn't any of his business. He may be her uncle, but it had been in name only until twenty minutes ago.

Kendall nodded stiffly. He deserved that, and he would try not to overstep any boundaries. "You're right, don't worry," he raised his hands indicating he surrendered to her logic. "Not up to me."

She nodded and gave a small smile, "I'll let you know what my parents decide."

"Okay," he smiled too.

"So…" she looked around, not knowing what to talk about now.

"So…" he scrambled for a conversation topic, not wanting to leave yet. He only just met her. Now that he could finally be in her life, he wanted to know everything about her. Of course, the best thing to talk about to start was probably the one thing they had most in common.

"Hockey."

She glanced over at him, "Hockey? What about it?"

"What's your favorite team? How long have you played? Who're your favorite players? What position is your favorite? How serious are you about playing? You're really good, of course you're a Knight so not surprised! Ever think about the WNHL? Maybe the Whitecaps?"

Alex laughed a little and started answering his questions. She was hesitant about opening up to him, but she could talk about hockey. It was, after all, in her blood.

She walked into her room at Uncle Carlos', clutching the small book to her chest. She hadn't let go of the book since it was given to her, too afraid this tiny precarious link to her mother would disappear before she got the chance to read it.

She'd wanted to run to her room and read it ever since Kendall gave it to her, but circumstances forced her to be patient. She had to spend time with him—if only to reassure him that she was truthful about wanting to give him a chance; and, then she still couldn't go after he left because her parents came home and wanted to know everything that happened.

But now she was in her room, door shut, scrambling to get in bed so she could finally read it.

Her Mother's Diary.

She felt she'd been waiting her entire life for this.

Dear Snake Eyes,

I get to see you today!

You came a couple months early and there were some complications so I haven't been allowed to leave my bed and you aren't allowed to leave your room either. Dad showed me pictures of you on his phone though. You are so beautiful and tiny, Snake Eyes! There's beautiful little blonde fuzz on your head that I'm kinda obsessed with! I can't wait to touch it!

I have some news.

I can't do it. I can't give you up. It's probably why I could never find a family good enough to adopt you. I just couldn't admit to myself that I couldn't give you away.

I didn't write on your birthday because I was really out of it, I haven't been feeling too well. Giving birth takes a lot out of you apparently, who knew?

I did message James and Logan on your birthday though. No, they don't know about you yet, but they will after tour. I need to find out who your father is. It's going to be difficult to tell them both the truth, but I can't keep running from it. Who knows, if I hadn't ran in the first place so many things could be different now. I told them both that we need to talk. So, hopefully we'll know soon and then you can get down to the business of being raised.

I grew up barely knowing my father, and I don't want that for you, Snake Eyes. I can't keep you from your dad, any more than I could keep you from him. You will know your dad. You will be raised by him, and me of course.

The next few months are going to be complicated. I'm really scared of what all this will do to Kendall. But I'm going to do it.

I have to do it. I have to do it for you.

All my love,

Your Mom

Stay Tuned for the Epilogue…

(The epilogue is already written, just being beta'd. No worries of another 8 year stretch. It'll be posted next week.)