Chapter 32AE
'Do You Kiss Your Babies with those Names?'
'Camp Town Podraces Broadcast Delayed'
'I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing'
'Vader Knows Best-Problem-Solver 66'
'Executive Order-66 Mirrors'
As the weeks pass, Anakin finds himself enjoying the twins…especially now that the Naberrie family has returned to Naboo. He made a point to avoid them while they stayed with Leia and Han. He forbade Isabel to go to the house since he was on a self-imposed exile. It is the principle…family solidarity means everything.
Finally, he can now revel in his new role of which no one can utter the name. He is the best-looking grandfather ever. Yes, the pass several weeks have been good. Not a worry in the world…except for one piece of unfinished business…Kris.
Anakin plans a sit-down to discuss how his youngest will spend the summer. He invites Isabel in order to make his case.
Anakin wears his black cardigan with the elbow patches or, as Luke and Leia used to refer to it: 'the problem-solving sweater with more problems.'
The sweaters' effectiveness seemed to wane over the years. The Skywalker twins discovered, long ago, it was not only a fashion piece but also used to dispense punishment instead of 'helpful' fatherly advice. The 'wearing-of-the-cardigan' became a source of entertainment well into their late teens. They would enter their father's study to listen, in mock reverence, as he proceeded to lecture them on a litany of issues. Anakin would talk about their many transgressions such as damaging a new speeder, breaking curfew, dating, the Jedi Code and academic studies. He also gave frequent warnings about Leia dating Han, Leia calling Han, Luke taking joyrides with Han, hanging out with 'dopey' friends, warning them about hanging out with a bad element, i.e.: Han and similar activities involving scruffy nerfherder pirate 'types'. It made for fun conversation while breaking the very rules that their father had set for them. Han was always anxious to hear about the next rule about dating the teenage daughter of the Dark Lord and just as excited to break it. Han is impressed that the Dark Lord was obsessed with him.
Anakin caught on soon enough; and decided that the 'problem-solving sweater' would work better on the 'uncorrupted minds' of his younger children. The only problem with the 'problem-solving sweater' was that the problems were not theirs. The children admit, however, that the black cardigan is a good look for the Dark Lord.
Anakin checks his reflection in the mirror in the alcove leading to his study. He adjusts the sweater and checks his hair. It always helps to look good when dispensing advice or punishment.
He walks to the den and reaches for the doorknob. It is a beautiful afternoon for a sit-down. The clock on the desk flashes 1400 hours and one minute. Punctuality is crucial in the Skywalker home.
"Where is everyone? Get in here!"
Isabel arrives and stands in the doorway.
"You yelled, Master?"
"You're late. Sit there." pointing to one of guest chairs facing his desk. Isabel ignores him and sits on the velvet settee close to the door. She intends to make a quick getaway when the sparks fly. Anakin grumbles. Kris arrives.
The youngster knows that something is up when both parents are in the den. He knows that his mother never sets foot in the 'Den of Darkness' unless some 'sith' is going down. It smells like an intervention.
Anakin points again to the guest chairs. "Have a seat, son."
Kris sits. He is wearing a white Jedi robe over a vintage grav-ball jersey and cargo pants. His angelic face appears worried. He glances across the room at his mother. Anakin sits at the desk with one leg across the other. He is wearing a new pair of nuna leather slippers. Kris smiles nervously as he fidgets in the oversized chair.
"What up, Dad?"
"I'll tell you 'what up'. Sit still. So, Kris, your mother and I have been discussing how you will spend the summer."
"Okay, cool."
"Don't get excited, this is serious. We gave this issue a lot of thought and it was decided that you will spend the summer on Tatooine on Uncle Owen's farm."
"The complexion on the young boy's face turns three shades paler than when he first walked in the room. He looks horrified.
"What? Why am I being punished? That's a fate worse than death. Mum!"
Isabel starts to speak.
"Well…"
Anakin stays firm on his decision and immediately cuts her off before she can speak.
"It's been decided." He looks back at Kris then turns his head as Isabel attempts to speak. She is about to do something he had feared before this meeting began.
"Well, Anakin, it hasn't been totally set in stone…we can't let him suffer through an entire summer on that farm."
Anakin stares at his wife in disbelief. The silence in the room is palpable. Anakin is furious.
"What? Can I see you outside for a moment, please?"
Isabel calmly complies. The woman has no fear.
"Sure."
Isabel knows that she is about to get an earful from her husband. She stands and walks out of the den. Anakin storms out behind her and immediately starts yelling. Kris leans across his chair to listen in on the discussion.
"Isabel, we had an agreement…"
"Oh, please, Anakin! That's not true and you know it. What about the other option? It was still on the table the last time we discussed the matter."
"We were supposed to be a united front. I would do the talking and you would back me up."
"That was before you were going to ship out child off to a summer of hard labor! The punishment does not fit the crime!"
"Fit the crime? Are you a lawyer now?"
"No, but I know people who are…"
"You turned against me in there!"
"No one turned against you."
Anakin shakes his finger at her.
"I find your lack of faith disturbing. We're supposed to be a team!"
"I think you'll do anything to make a point, including putting our son in harm's way. So, no, Anakin. I don't have faith in that."
Kris is listening and enjoying the battle going on outside. He pumps his fist victoriously and whispers.
"Yes! You go, Mum!"
Anakin overhears Kris cheering.
"Don't start your victory dance yet, young Skywalker. I'm not done with you." Anakin force-slams the door.
Anakin continues arguing with Isabel.
"Isabel, I am trying to save our son from a life of misery and pain."
"All I am saying is that we don't have to send him to Owen. They have a staff of farm hands and droids."
"Half the farm hands quit and two of the droids are barely functional."
"Who told you that?"
"Luke did."
"Oh that's just great! So, do you still want to send our son down to that sandpit to work? Owen is crazy. You are aware of that, aren't you? He has no qualms about putting children to work. Beru's not going to say much. You've seen how he pushes her around."
Anakin ponders for a moment then throws up his hands in defeat.
"Fine! We will do it your way. We're going to regret this."
He opens the door. Isabel returns to the sofa. Anakin grabs his desk chair and drops into the seat. He is not happy. He bites his bottom lip angrily thinking about what he is going to say. Kris is slouched in the chair with his feet propped up against the desk.
Anakin reaches across the desk and grabs a Kaiburr sphere paperweight. He rolls it between his fingers for a few moments. He is thinking. Kris watches as the ball weaves through his father's fingers. The boy can sense great stress in his father. Finally, Anakin releases the sphere and it repositions itself over the stack of papers. He folds his hands on the desk blotter as he stares at his young son.
"Put your feet down." The rubber soles of the Jedi Knight sport shoes squeak against the wood desk before dropping to the floor against the rug. Anakin is in no mood for nonsense right now. "Okay, here it is…You'll spend the summer away at camp on Naboo."
Isabel interrupts.
"I thought the camp on Endor was nice. Did you even read the brochure?"
Anakin holds up his hand for her to stop talking. Isabel rolls her eyes as he continues.
"Naboo. He's not going to that ridiculous Ewok camp where that idiot Kyle Katarn is working as camp counselor."
"Anakin, Kyle is not an idiot. Be nice."
Kris sits up in the chair.
"Camp?"
"Did I stutter? Yes, I said Camp, and don't start whining or I'll send you packing to Uncle Owen and I know how much you dread that."
"I guess I can do camp."
"It's supposed to be a teachable moment. I will get full reports on your progress so don't mess up."
Kris nods obediently.
"It's cool. It'll be my path to becoming an honorable Jedi."
"It'll be your path to a sore behind if you screw up. Don't forget…and don't make me regret this decision. Get out of here before I change my mind." He glances across the room at Isabel. "Any objections, 'Judge Lorteli?'"
Isabel tries not to laugh at his joke. Arabelle Lorteli was a former Judge of the Coruscant High court. Known for her acerbic wit and no-nonsense judicial decisions, though now retired, Lorteli has become somewhat of a media celebrity dispensing similar tough justice in civil court on broadcast holo-network. Anakin caught her show a few times when podracing was delayed due to sandstorms or torrential rains. It was a comic diversion while waiting for the weather conditions to improve. He would get a kick out of watching dysfunctional family members and couples air their dirty laundry for all the galactic public to see. The highlight of the program was watching the red-cloaked court guards stun unruly participants. It was sheer comedy.
Anakin is not laughing now, however. Isabel, on the other hand, smiles cheerfully.
"No objections, Mr. Skywalker."
Anakin waves his hand as Kris hesitates for a moment. The boy is not sure if his parents are done with him yet. Anakin straightens his desk then stares at his son.
"What are you waiting for? We're done."
"Okay, Dad." Kris gets up to leave. He kisses his mother before exiting the study and closes the door. Thanks, Mum."
"You're welcome, sweetie." She beams as she prepares to rise from the sofa. "That went well."
Anakin squints and scowls at Isabel. He mocks her.
"'That went well.' I'm not done with you. What happened to parental cooperation?"
Isabel smiles sweetly as she walks over to his desk. She leans over and kisses her husband on his forehead.
"It 'was' parental cooperation. You cooperated and took my advice."
"Fine! I hope you're happy."
"I am. You're a good man. I'll have dinner ready at 5 o'clock."
"Don't bother; I've lost my appetite. I'm going out for awhile."
"How long is 'awhile'?"
"Until I'm not ready to kill someone anymore."
"Fine. Walk it off, mister. Don't forget, we need to buy a baptism gift for the babies."
Isabel closes the door as she leaves.
Meanwhile, across town, Leia deals with an endless stream of visitors. Just as she finally has some peace and quiet, an unwanted guest arrives.
The creature reaches inside the bassinet to tickle the babies. Leia folds her arms across her chest waiting for the visitor to leave. She is losing her patience.
"Okay, you've seen enough."
"But Leia, I hardly ever get to see the twins."
"Don't make me kill you."
"There is no need for violence, Leia. I am an old man wishing to see his great-grandchildren in his twilight years. I see the demureness of motherhood has not seeped in yet."
"Shut up!"
"I am the great-grandfather. You let that pompous Ruwee Naberrie spend more time with the babies than me. It's not right."
"Oh, yes, and the galaxy has been so unfair to you...'wah-wha-wah."
"Don't mock me, young lady. It's unbecoming. I thought you would have mellowed by now but it is obvious you haven't a maternal bone in your body…pity."
Old Palps looks inside the bassinet again and breaks into a smile.
"Coochie-coo! What beautiful younglings. Coochie-coo!"
Leia is still standing close by.
"Don't you have to be at your senior citizen job? Isn't your teenage floor manager wondering where you are?"
"For your information, I am on the late shift. One of the workers had to go in for some medical tests and he asked me to switch shifts with him. See, I can work with others. You could learn a thing or two instead of screaming at people. I recite daily affirmations in the mirror each morning."
"How many mirrors do you go through each morning doing that?"
"It cleanses the spirit. I am a member of the Order 66 Club. Their teachings are therapeutic and insightful. People like me. I like myself. I have been grossly misunderstood over the years."
"Shocking!"
"If you join my group, you too can set an example for little China and Mason."
"Their names are Jaina and Jacen."
"Teena and T'ai Chien."
"You senile old fool! Move away from my babies."
Leia scoops up Jacen when the doorbell rings. The door opens before she has a chance to do it herself. She shouts at the intruder.
"Can't you wait until someone answers the door? Must you let yourself in all the time?"
Threepio speaks to the person behind him in the doorway.
"See? I told you we should have waited until she answered the door, Master."
Anakin responds to Leia's question.
"Hey, I was trying to be helpful. I even waited until the Naboo contingent left town. I thought they would never leave. Anakin tilts his head upward as if sniffing the air. He zeros in on the sitting room and sees old man Palpatine. Leia rolls her eyes.
"Great! Just what I need, one more pain in the ass in my house."
Threepio interjects with an air of relief.
"For once she's not pointing at me!" Anakin shoves Threepio aside causing the droid to stumble against the foyer table. The lamp rattles and a fresh pack of sabacc cards fall onto the floor. Anakin turns to Leia.
"Hey, I'm trying to be helpful." Anakin tilts his head towards the old man without speaking his name. He walks into the sitting room and takes tiny Jaina out of the bassinet. Palpatine is annoyed by this.
"Anakin, I was here first."
Anakin ignores him and speaks to the baby, bouncing her gently in his arms.
"Hello, Jacy."
Leia corrects him.
"It's Jaina. What's wrong with you people?"
Threepio walks over to Anakin and whispers. "See? I told you, Master."
Anakin peeks inside the diaper.
"Ohhh…hey, little girl!" He continues to bounce the infant in his arms then turns to Leia. "What's her name again?"
"Jaina! Jeez, Dad, you're worse than that one over there. She rolls her eyes at Palpatine.
"Well, it's not my fault you gave these kids dumb names. You know they're going to get picked on in school. You're telling me you couldn't think of better names? Poor little Chicklets and A-cents are going to suffer."
"Their names are perfectly fine."
Palpatine interjects.
"You know…'Dantius' is a perfectly fine name for the boy."
Anakin ridicules the old man.
"Are you out of your mind? No one in their right mind is going to name a baby after someone who almost destroyed the Galactic Republic and took innocent people down with him."
"Anakin, you wound me. Have you no compassion?"
"Oh, shut up."
Leia stares at both men.
"Okay, it's time for both of you to go."
Anakin places the baby back inside the bassinet.
"What? No, 'Thanks for visiting, Dad'?"
"Thanks for visiting, Dad…Goodbye."
Anakin ushers Palpatine out of the room.
"Come on, old man, You've outstayed your welcome."
"But, Anakin, I just got here."
Anakin continues to push Palpatine towards the front door.
"Let's not make a scene. You have to leave. Hey, Leia, little Jango needs a diaper change."
"Thanks for that, Daddy. Goodbye."
"Let me know when they're potty-trained so I can plan my next visit."
Goodbye, Daddy."
"Hey, Threepio! Let's go! Chop-chop!"
"Coming, Master. It was a lovely visit, Princess Leia even for the uninvited. "
"Get out!"
Anakin drops Palps off at the TaggeMart for the nightshift. He and Threepio return home. Anakin heads straight for the kitchen. He can smell the residual aroma of shaak roast in wine and mushroom sauce and freshly sautéed watercress with lemon and garlic. There is a plate for him in the refrigerator. He sneaks a few bites then shoves it back in the refrigerator when he hears someone coming down the stairs. He grabs a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. He wants to prove a point that he is protesting. He pops a spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth as he stands against the kitchen counter. Isabel walks in and sees him.
"I made a plate for you."
"I'm not hungry." He continues eating out of the jar.
"Anakin, will you please not do that?"
"Do what?"
"Don't eat out of the jar. Scoop out what you want onto a dish."
"I don't want a dish."
"Other people in this house use that jar. It's rude to double-dip."
"Is that the term for it now? Listen, I paid for these groceries! I'll double-dip all I want!"
"Well, then you keep that jar."
Anakin opens the cabinet and takes a new jar of peanut butter. He unscrews the lid, rips off the vacuum seal, and then plunges the same spoon into the new jar. He knows that this infuriates Isabel and proceeds to eat out of the new jar. Isabel turns and walks away. Anakin continues to taunt her even though she has left the room.
"There she goes. Miss 'team player' runs away. Thanks for your support earlier. You were great! I know now that you have my back…oh, wait…that's the lightsaber stuck in my back…it went straight through my heart. I'll use some of this peanut butter to seal up the gaping hole it left!"
Anakin laughs. He suddenly goes into a coughing spasm when the peanut butter is caught in his throat. Kris walks in and sees his father gagging. He immediately takes action and slaps Anakin on the back a few times. The obstruction dislodges from his throat. Anakin leans over the sink and spits out the glob of peanut butter then rinses his mouth.
"Gee, Dad, don't eat so fast. If something happens to you, who will yell at me non-stop when I'm doing something dumb?"
"Don't be a smartass." He grabs a tea towel and wipes his face. Kris is relieved that his father is okay and pokes fun at him.
"Man, you should have seen your face! I thought you were gonna bust a gut or something. Why are you eating peanut butter? You're not having dinner?"
"I'm not hungry. Are you through questioning me?"
Kris searches the refrigerator. He pulls out the platter of food that Isabel had prepared for Anakin. Kris removes the lid and places the platter in the microwave. The aroma is intoxicating. Anakin turns to see what Kris is heating up.
"What are you eating?"
"Leftovers"
The timer stops and a computer-generated voice announces that the meal is ready. Kris sits at the counter and prepares to eat. He pushes the sleeves of the grav-ball jersey above his elbows. The name 'Zapalo' and a number '16' are stenciled across the back. Anakin watches him.
"Hey, didn't you have supper?"
"Yeah, but I went out to play grav-ball with my friends and then I got hungry again."
Anakin points to the note on the lid.
"Hey, that was my dinner."
"I thought you were on a hunger strike."
"Where did you hear that?"
"I saw mum on the way in and she told me you were on a hunger strike."
Anakin grabs a fork from the utensil drawer and helps himself to the meal.
"You don't need this food."
"But, Dad, I'm still hungry."
"You're a bottomless pit, you know that? Step aside."
"I saved your life a few minutes ago. Does that count for anything?"
"You get free room and board as it is. Leave me alone."
"I'm a child; it's the law."
"Sue me."
Anakin takes a forkful of the pan seared shaak steak and closes his eyes as he savors it. The meat is tender and bursting with flavor. He is reminded what an excellent cook his wife is. The succulent mushrooms, the handmade Corellian papardelle pasta with fresh herb sauce is warm on his tongue. He closes his eyes to enjoy this moment. Just as he is about to swallow, Kris interrupts his moment of euphoria.
"I hear mum coming."
Anakin drops the fork on the platter and shoves it in front of Kris. He grabs the jar of peanut butter and resumes eating it. This is not nearly as satisfying as the steak. Isabel walks in the kitchen. Anakin pretends to ignore her but she ignores him and focuses her attention on Kris.
"Kris, I want you to clean your room this weekend…and why are you eating again?"
"I'm a growing boy, Mum. My metabolism is wreaking havoc on my body…I'm wasting away." He continues to eat while Anakin watches the food on the plate gradually disappear.
"Well, waste some time this weekend cleaning your room; it's a mess. Oh, and how many times have I told you not to leave your hover boots in the driveway? They belong in the mudroom. You're not supposed to have any company after dinner. You're still on punishment."
"Gee, Mum, why are you whaling all over me for? You're gonna miss me when I go away to camp. Who are you gonna nag all summer when I'm not around?" He looks at his father and nods knowingly. "Ohh