ZA: After 42 reviews in a little over 24 hours, I feel compelled to update – feel so warm and fuzzy. Not that this is a direct result of your reviews. You must also take into account the fact that I am riding this high on a rare day off from school with no homework and an excess of sugar in my system. Oh look! Rock sugar! If all the pieces are stuck together, does that mean it counts as just one piece?

Crispy: No, that only works with cookies. Get a hammer.

ZA: OOH! Green apple hard candies!

Crispy: NO! Don't eat Kon! *sigh* The two weeks after Halloween are always the most difficult.

ZA: OOH! Mars bars!

Crispy: Zsugami Alba does not own Bleach or Harry Potter. Let's hope she doesn't come down from her sugar high until this chapter is complete. NO! Not the Pixie Stix!

"English"

"Japanese"

'Thoughts'

Parseltongue

Chapter 24: A Volley of Valentines

"What's with the box, Haru?" Ron asked as they exited the common room on their way to breakfast. He pointed to a rather large, cumbersome box covered in tin foil, red and pink construction paper hearts, doilies, and glittery lightning bolts that Haru was attempting to tuck under one arm.

"Oh, it's my card box," Haru explained. "Where's yours?"

"What are you talking about?" Ron was perplexed.

"Well, it's not as if we have assigned lockers for girls to place their valentines and chocolates into like they do in muggle schools," Haru pointed out - not so helpfully as Ron still didn't know what was going on.

Hermione gave the box a skeptical look. "Really, Haru? I don't remember you being so excited about Valentine's Day last year, and isn't that box a bit presumptious?"

Haru looked offended. "For your information, I wasn't too keen on girls last year, and I chose a big box this year based on the volume of gifts I've received in past years. I'm quite popular, you know. In fact, if you wouldn't mind casting an expansion charm on the inside, I'd really appreciate it."

Ron still looked confused. "Valentine's Day?"

"It's a muggle holiday that celebrates romance and encourages new love and friendship," Hermione explained. "People give their friends and loved ones gifts of cards, chocolates, flowers, and all sorts of things."

"I used to hate it," Haru told them. "Back in Japan, only the girls gave out chocolates, but accepting them required one to reciprocate and implied feelings of mutual attraction. But here it's just a big free-for-all with no strings attached! I can keep any and all of the chocolates I receive without leading anyone on. Poor Ichigo always pretends to be ill on this day so he can hide in his room. We Kurosakis are very appealing to the fairer sex. After an alarming number of intentional self-injuries by lonely housewives in our neighborhood a few years ago, even Dad closes the clinic on Valentine's Day."

Ron stared at Haru in wonder before turning his gaze again to the gaudy carton and looking pensive. "If it's a muggle holiday, how do you know you'll get any gifts? This is a wizarding school."

"There's plenty of muggle borns here," Haru pointed out, "and I overheard Lockhart discussing plans with Dumbledore to kickstart the celebration. It's about to get crazy. Hermione, will you please do that expansion charm?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed. "Oh, very well, but don't blame me if your one or two valentines get lost in the abyss."

No sooner had Hermione completed the charm than Draco arrived to greet them at the doors to the Great Hall. He took one look at Haru's box and exclaimed, "What in Merlin's name is that monstrosity?"

"It's my card box, Malfoy," Haru grinned. "I would've thought you'd have one as well, considering how you're always boasting about how popular you are."

The three Gryffindors proceeded into the Great Hall, leaving Draco to stare after them in confusion.

"If I never see another pink heart again, it'll be too soon," moaned Ron. "I think I'm getting a glitter-induced headache."

"Pink hearts would be a welcome change, Weasley," Draco snapped. "My bag is stuffed with green hearts with silver snakes all over them. I'm so sick of green and silver, I'm half tempted to trade neckties with you. It's only my fear of polyester that stays my hand."

Hermione laughed at the two boys and declared, "I'm just surprised that Haru wasn't wrong about the volume of valentines he'd be receiving today. I've had to place a weightless charm on that box three times already."

The group turned then as a commotion down the hall drew their attention. It was one of the dwarves Lockhart had hired to deliver singing valentines, looking rather surly in his diaper and wings. As he pushed his way through the crowd of students, he called out, "Potter! Harry Potter! I've got a message for Harry Potter!" Suddenly, Haru didn't look so pleased with himself.

"Hey, you! Are you Harry Potter?" the dwarf demanded as he reached Haru's position.

Haru looked around nervously. "Well, I…uh…I mean…"

Suddenly, two pairs of hands grabbed the dwarf from behind and lifted him up in the air.

"Sorry!"

"All tokens of affection"

"Must be placed'

"Inside the proper"

"Receptacle!" shouted the Weasley twins. They then proceeded to stuff a very alarmed and panicky dwarf into the magically expanding slot at the top of Haru's valentine box.

"Let me go, you miserable kids! I didn't sign up for this! I'm going to kill that Lockhart!"

Haru stood there staring at his box, not knowing what to say. He turned to look at the twins who were rocking back on their heels and beaming at him with delight.

"You're welcome, Haru," said George.

"Yes," Fred agreed, "but remember that he's bound to be a bit difficult when he finally gets out, so do take care when and where you release him."

"Right!" said George. "Now you'd best be getting to DADA. Don't want to be late." The twins winked at Haru and then headed off toward the dungeons for Potions class.

Ron grinned. "You have to admit that was pretty brilliant."

"I suppose," said Haru, "but I do hope the little fella doesn't eat all of my chocolate."

Hermione smiled serenely. "Then we had best hurry to class before that happens."

Dear Ichigo,

How was your Valentine's Day? I had a great one. So many chocolates and, without the threat of White Day, I got to keep them all. Well, except for the ones the dwarf ate. I suppose I shouldn't begrudge him a few truffles, though, considering how long he'd been stuffed inside my card box. If I'd anticipated that development, I'd have made a few air holes to ensure better oxygen levels. It took a few moments for him to catch his breath after I released him in the middle of DADA class. Luckily, the first thing he saw after that was Lockhart. The poor professor was beaten silly over the head by a concertina as the dwarf growled the words to the singing valentine he'd been charged with delivering. Today's test was abandoned, and no homework was assigned, so it was a win all around.

Your handsome, popular, younger brother,

Haru Kurosaki

ZA: For anyone who wants to know, a concertina is sort of like a mini accordion. I originally wanted him to have a sousaphone, but that would have taxed the limits of even the most advanced expansion charm.