Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin.
A/N: Sorry for being late with this update. I got sick for two weeks and couldn't bring myself to write on the hospital bed lol...We've got one more chapter left till you-know-who gets officially introduced. Also, I've been getting notifications of new favs and follows so welcome on board! Thank you for the attention and as always, I hope you guys enjoy this update!
Act I
Chapter VI: Hope is a Dangerous Thing
"Keep on moving forward!" Jean's commanding voice was the only thing that kept everyone else running without looking back, even if the screams for help were resounding from all directions.
"Shit...!" I back-flipped in the air, barely dodging a Titan's arm by an inch. "There's too many of them!" I screamed, staggering off towards the left mid-air. Crashing onto the roof with a loud thud, I immediately scrambled back onto my feet, sprinting towards the headquarters.
"Fuc—" One of the cadets swore, their voice abruptly cut off as a large hand came crashing down onto their fragile figure, slamming them against the building in front of me.
With a click of my tongue, I jumped over the crippled body of my comrade, refusing to stall as I escaped from the havoc. The headquarter came into sight, and I shot out the grapple towards the nearest window. The sound of glass shattering filled the air as I felt myself soar off towards the window. Bracing for impact, I crossed my arms in front of my face and tucked my knees in.
Rainbow fragments of broken stained-glass spilled into the air. Gravity took hold and I tumbled down onto the ground, safely inside the building. With a groan, I unraveled myself from my curled-up position on the floor. As I rubbed the back of my head in an attempt to soothe the numbing pain, my eyes quickly fluttered about the room, taking in the number of survivors.
The ghastly look of regret on Jean's face said it all: we made it here alive at the expense of more than half our starting number. It took him only a mere second before he spotted the hiding cadets underneath the desks and the forlorn look of guilt was immediately replaced with one of scorching fury. With an animalistic growl, he twisted the collar of the cadet who was quivering in fear and slammed his fist into the guy's jaw.
"Stop it, Jean!" Marco came running over, his arms clutching Jean's shoulders in a desperate attempt to prevent Jean from lashing out in anger.
But nothing could bring Jean's rage to a halt. It had long overflowed past its breaking point. "These bastards abandoned us!" Jean snarled, thrashing violently in Marco's hold. "Do you even have any clue how many of us died because of you cowards?!"
"The Titans invaded the supply depot!" Another girl came crawling out under the table, face stained with tears. "What were we supposed to do?!" She wailed in emotional distress.
Her weak cries of anguish only vexed Jean further; his eyes twitched violently. "How the hell am I supposed to know?! It's your job to figure it out!"
"Jean, I know how you feel but now isn't the time for this," I strolled up casually towards him, placing my hand on his shoulder. Squeezing hard, I turned his attention towards me. "We have more pressing matters to turn to, like filling our gas."
Jean gritted his teeth, biting down the acerbic words piling up inside of him. He opened his mouth to reply—
"TAKE COVER!" Reiner's warning cry made all three of us flinch, Marco squealing as he dropped down to the ground.
The floor shook as something large came hauling over towards the headquarters, cracking open the wall on our left. I yelped, knees buckling as Jean pulled me down to the ground in a hurry. Pieces of gravel came hurtling towards us, the dust launching me into a coughing fit.
"...Oh, fuck—" Jean's shortened profanity alerted me to the Titan that was peering inside through the open crack in the wall.
The room descended into chaos, everyone fleeing for their lives, stumbling over each other as they made their way deeper inside the building.
"Where the fuck is Mikasa?!" A random cadet yelled out amidst the pandemonium.
"Who knows? She crashed a long time ago. Probably dead!" Someone answered after him.
"Jean, we need to get out of here—" I started yelling, standing up on my feet, and then froze as I caught sight of Jean's demeanor.
He was paralyzed with terror, staring at the incoming wave of Titans outside the gaping hole. His lips were quivering, face paling at rapid speed. My eyes twitched, noticing the symptoms immediately. Staggering over towards him, I grabbed his arm and pulled.
"Wha—" Jean squawked, stumbling backward.
"You can stand here wallowing in despair and die for all I care, but it doesn't sit well with me to leave a comrade to their death out here in the open," I snapped back, dragging him deeper inside the building.
"...That is the most contradictory thing I've ever heard in my whole life." Jean managed to snort back, though his breath was still shaking from the sudden surge of fear.
"Shut up. For now, we need to do all we can to get out of here and last even a second longer," I spun my head back towards him. "We finally made our way here. It's way too late to give up now that we've come this far—"
I never got to finish my sentence. A large monstrous arm came swinging into view, slamming its fist against the two Titans that were previously stalking over towards the open hole. Jean openly gaped, struck dumbfounded as my eyes widened slowly.
"W-W-What in the hell was that?!" Jean's voice rose many pitches higher than usual in bewilderment at the insanity of the situation. "Did a Titan just punch another Titan?!"
There were no words to express the emotional roller coaster inside of me and I settled for repeating Jean's outburst. "...What the fuck?!"
The familiar sound of metal vibrating in the air echoed in our ears as four figures came lunging through the broken windows. Jean and I stared in awe, silently watching our comrades celebrate their arrival.
"Holy crap, that was close! The gas ran out, just as soon as we made it!" Connie tapped his gas tank, grinning widely from the adrenaline rush. "Your plan worked, Armin! Great job!" He slapped his hand onto Armin's back, causing Armin to wince.
"Y-You guys are alive...!" Jean uttered, stunned with disbelief.
"I told you. We're not going to die that easily!" Sasha proudly crossed her arms and grinned.
"What on earth is that Titan?" I couldn't hold myself from asking any longer.
"Oh, that titan's an abnormality that slaughters other Titans!" Connie pointed his finger towards the figure outside the gaping hole. "It's not even interested in attacking humans. If we play our cards right, we can get out of here alive!"
The idea was so absurd it wasn't surprising that Connie's proposal met retaliation immediately.
"Wha— you'd rely on a Titan?! That's nothing more than a delusional dream!" Jean protested, recovering from his stupified state.
"It's not a dream." Mikasa's stern voice and steely gaze silenced him. "I don't care if it's an aberrant or whatever. Just let it rampage here for as long as possible. Realistically, that's our best chance of survival."
Jean coughed once, shaking his head in disapproval. "I...I still think this is a crazy idea. It's ridiculous! What's there to back your claim that the Titan won't come attacking us eventually?!"
I glanced outside towards the so-called Titan, watching in scrutiny as it slammed its knee into another Titan's stomach. "You know what I think?" I found myself opening my mouth, turning everyone's attention towards me. "There's nothing crazier than our situation right now, so we might as well just go for it."
Jean groaned, rubbing his face with both hands in agony. It was as if he expected my reply. "...You guys are all insane."
Shrugging casually, I shot him a pained, strained smile. "What's new?"
Levi Ackermann felt unbearably restless.
So far, nothing out of expectation had occurred during their expedition: an aberrant being founded, black wisps of smoke being fired, a few to add to the death count. Such things were far from normalcy, but this was the Scouting Legion. They lived alongside danger and death.
Nevertheless, the cloud of anxiety permeating the air only grew darker. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something had gone dead wrong. Levi couldn't stop fidgeting with his gear, edgy as fuck and it was annoying him to no end.
A sudden cry from the left flank caught his attention. Brushing away all remnants of anxiety, he was off in the air before anyone could stop him; it was purely on instinct like the well-honed, experienced soldier he was.
His eyes locked onto the Titan's neck and he came slashing down with unbelievable accuracy. The Titan gave a final cry before it collapsed onto the ground. The poor soldier in its mouth landed onto the ground below with a thud.
The battle was over in the blink of an eye.
Levi swiftly landed onto a roof nearby. Scanning the premise with eyes of a predator's, he clicked his tongue in irritation. "Two on the left...and one on the right, huh?" He muttered to himself in displeasure.
Although slaughtering Titans was as natural as breathing for Humanity's Greatest Soldier, it didn't mean that he particularly enjoyed such brutal acts. No one sane would actually enjoy their time on the battlefield. Though his comrades liked to call him names behind his back, such as 'the devil' or 'the grim-reaper', he hadn't cast away all his humanity quite yet.
"Captain!" Petra Ral came landing beside him alongside Erd Gin and Gunther Schultz. "I've gathered reinforcements. What should we do next?"
Without even the bat of an eyelid, he barked out his orders. "Petra, take care of the soldier down there. The rest of you attack the one on the right." Levi turned his head around slightly to acknowledge her presence. "I'll take care of the left." His agitated tone left no room for argument and before she could protest, he was off again.
His subordinates never mentioned it, but they knew that behind the self-control and stoic facade was a man of good heart. Although he tried to hide it, Levi was often perturbed by the deaths of his comrades — no matter how close they were. He despised pointless death and strived to reduce unnecessary casualties in all his battles.
Petra pressed a clean white cloth into the soldier's wound, hoping to stop the bleeding.
The crimson fluid seeped into the cloth and immediately turned it dark in color. It was hopeless. Too late. He was going to die.
She gritted her teeth, biting down the salty tears as Levi came strolling over towards her after clearing the left side. With one glance at the dying man, Levi's usually stony gaze softened uncharacteristically. He knelt down next to him and grabbed the soldier's hand, enveloping it in warmth.
No matter how many times they saw this vulnerable side of their leader, they couldn't get used to it. But that wasn't important. Seeing his caring and kind-hearted side only fueled their respect and love for him more.
"Your spirit will stay with me and give me strength."
There was no stopping the tears once they started to overflow. Petra sniffed loudly, roughly wiping her tear-stained face with the sleeves of her uniform. Years of experience under her belt, but there was nothing that could ever prepare her for the aching grief every time she was forced to watch a comrade bleed to death.
"I swear to you...I'll exterminate all the Titans..." Levi muttered, more out of hurt rather than any malice.
The wind snatched at his soft words, but Petra still heard his declaration. "He's...already gone, sir."
"...I see." Levi slowly stood back up on his feet, eyes never leaving the smiling figure on the ground, ingraining the image into his mind.
"Levi...!" The familiar sound of his name being called broke him out of a trance. He spun his head around to acknowledge Erwin's presence, his usual frown plastered on his face. No less than a second and his facade was back up, stronger than ever.
"We're going back," Erwin barked out a command.
Levi seldom argued against Erwin's decisions. He trusted Erwin completely and had absolute faith in whatever Erwin decided to do; he sold his soul to this man a long time ago, and it was way too late to take it all back.
But at times, he couldn't resist the urge to snap back at the man. It wouldn't be Levi if he didn't give a retort or two out of spite. His comrades recognized the deepening frown and the twitching brows immediately. They shifted their line of sight to anywhere but the brewing storm in front of them.
"Back...?" Levi turned to face Erwin completely, a blatant scowl hanging on his face. There was no hiding that animosity of his. All the soldiers in the area nervously took a large gulp of air. "We haven't reached our limit yet." His eyes narrowed further, turning into a glare. "Did my men die in vain?" His tone posed an underlying threat and Petra could only frantically glance back between the two of them in utter panic.
Erwin sighed, gathering his patience. He kneaded his forehead with his index finger and thumb, feeling the rising headache. "Don't give me that look. I understand what you're saying, but now isn't the time for an argument."
"Oh, really? Because I don't think anything takes precedence over my dead comrade over there—" Levi stomped forward, snarling at Erwin.
"The Titans have all started heading north towards the city."
That was all it took to extinguish the flames of anger surrounding Levi. He blinked once. Then twice. "...What?" Levi uttered, hoping that he had misheard things.
"You heard me, Levi." Erwin jerked his head towards the Wall's direction. "It's just like five years ago. Something has happened in the city." He paused, debating whether to speak his mind out.
"...You think they broke the Wall?" Levi seemed to realize the gist of the situation and stated it matter of factly.
"...We're going back." Erwin settled for repeating his command instead of providing further opinions. He didn't want to decrease the morale of their troops any further. They only had to focus on one thing: getting back as quickly as possible.
"If the Wall has seriously been broken, this isn't a joke anymore," Levi scoffed before he ran over towards his waiting horse and jumped on swiftly. With a quick snap of his wrists, the horse was galloping away with Erwin and the others right behind him.
"I hope we make it back in time," Petra spoke for the first time after being relayed the devastating news.
"There's no point in worrying about it now." Levi rolled his eyes. "If shit happens, let it happen."
"But Captain...!" Petra gasped at Levi's blunt and ruthless words. "Surely, you don't mean that for real—"
"I'm just saying the truth." Levi shot her a silencing look over his shoulders. "We can't be there for every single incident. No one knows what's going to happen. All we can do is perform our best at all times."
"You're right, but man don't you mince your words at all, Captain." Gunther grimaced. His light-hearted comment broke the tension in the area, causing Erd to sigh in exasperation.
Erwin smiled imperceptibly underneath the cloak, but it was only for a brief moment. "Focus. We only just left the city a while ago. It won't take long before we're thrown back in the battlefield."
"Yes, sir!" The troop bellowed out, following after their commander's lead.
"But it's tragic, really. Aren't there cadets fresh out of training guarding the city today too?" Auruo frowned.
His comrade's words immediately made Levi think back to the morning when they were riding through the crowds. He caught a glimpse of a few cadets along the way. One idiot was jumping up and down among the masses, and Levi remembered the guy's stupidly wide and innocent green eyes.
Surely, that guy would be the first to go. If that was all the 104th group of graduates had to offer, then Humanity was officially screwed.
Then again, there were a few ones he spotted that stood out among the crowd: the short black hair and steely grey eyes uninterested in the world and that tinier brat with the crimson red hair and round golden orbs. It might have been his imagination, but he met the red head's line of sight once, though it was abruptly cut off with the shift of her eyes.
Levi roughly shook his head and erased any unnecessary thoughts from his mind. Erwin raised an eyebrow, shooting Levi a confused look, in which Levi promptly ignored. It didn't matter how many promising cadets there were. Real combat was different and judging by the dire situation the city was supposedly in, not even the best would come back out alive.
The harsh reality would hit them hard soon enough, but there was a part of him that wished the brilliance he saw in those eyes would not be extinguished by the time the battle was over.
It would be too much of a waste for such raw talents to be depleted in just one battle. Humanity needed all the help it could.
"We have only one shot at this," Armin reminded, looking at every cadet in the eye.
The suspense and tension inside the room were suffocating. Everyone quietly listened to Armin's directions with their full attention. The plan was simple enough, but it was far from perfect. There was so much room for error. No one knew if the rifles would even be enough to blind the Titans in the first place. Everything was based on pure conjecture, and if Armin was wrong, we were all thoroughly screwed.
But it was the only option we had.
"I'll repeat again. The plan is to blind the seven Titans down there by using these guns we have. Then, our seven most agile fighters will come swooping down from the ceiling, killing them all with one blow. We'll lower as many people as we can down the lift to commence this plan," Armin's voice was alarmingly calm and collected for the situation we were in, but it was what we needed to reassure everyone of the plan's success.
"I have to say, the seven of you will be carrying our lives in your hands. I'm sorry for that burden..." Armin cast his sight downwards, frowning in guilt.
"No problem." Reiner smiled at Armin. "If this is what we have to do, then so be it."
"Whoever fails, all of us will die anyway. The risk is the same," Annie sternly added as she walked over to her station. It was most likely an attempt at consoling Armin, who was wallowing in regret. Despite her awkwardness, everyone understood the sentiment.
"But...I'm just a nobody. Is my plan really the best option?" Armin couldn't help but second think himself. He was entrusted with all of our lives, so it wasn't surprising at all that he was nervous.
I patted him gently on the shoulder and flashed him a heartening grin. "If it's you, it'll definitely be fine. Have more faith in yourself."
"She's right." Mikasa came kneeling in front of Armin. She grabbed Armin's face with warm hands and forced him to look into her unwavering eyes. "Be confident. You've got a talent for reasoning out the best solution. That brain of yours has saved Eren and me many times before."
Armin blinked, confused. "H-Huh? When did I...do that?" He appeared to be genuinely confused.
Mikasa gave him a warm smile in return before she stood up. "It's time. Let's start the plan."
"O-Okay..." Armin mumbled after her, still in a daze from her words.
"Guess I'll be going now. Don't forget to take the safety off your gun before you shoot it," I teased him, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.
"Uh, yeah, I'm not that much of a klutz." Armin chuckled dryly at my comment. Then, he suddenly frowned, eyes flickering down towards my ribs. "Are you sure you can do this? Your injuries—"
"I'll be fine, don't worry." I waved his concerns off with my hand. "Besides, I'm just a back-up in case one of them fail. I know you're trying to protect me from more harm, which is why you shelved me on the sidelines in this plan."
"Ah, so you realized, after all?" Armin sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I just wanted you to rest a bit. Wilhelm told me that you got crushed in a Titan's grasp and hurt your sides, so I figured it'd be nice to let you sit out on this one."
"I understand your concern. Thank you for worrying about me." I flashed him a thankful grin. "I won't strain myself, but know that I'll be there to save you all when things go wrong."
Armin nodded, returning my grin. "Mhm! I know you will."
With a quick goodbye, I jogged over towards the rest of the group, waiting near the staircase. "Alright, let's get this plan cracking." I slammed my fists together and nodded in enthusiasm.
Jean raised a brow at my optimistic attitude. "Wow, what happened to that depressed girl from before?"
"She's long gone now, horse-head." I brushed past his shoulder, heading down the stairs with the others following closely behind.
"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that ridiculous name?!" Jean's face was red with humiliation and anger as he stormed after me.
"But can we really kill the Titans without our gears?" Connie suddenly voiced out, eyes quivering from fear and anxiety. "Without the arrow, it'll be harder to aim at their weak point mid-air, right?"
"Oh, quit worrying about the details already." I spun my head around to meet his paling face and scowled. "Be a man and do what you have to do, Connie."
"It'll be fine. Our enemies are just three to four-meter ones," Reiner added from beside me. "It'll be easier to target their necks."
"Yeah, who cares how big they are? It's always their goddamn napes..." Jean drawled lazily from the back of the line.
"Vertical length, one meter. Width, ten centimeters!" Sasha recited from the front, counting off her fingers.
"No, seriously, why the hell did you remember that of all things?" I sweatdropped at her bizarre remark.
"If all fails, just shove these things up their assholes," Reiner snorted at his comment as he raised his blades into the air. "That's their only other weak spot."
I couldn't resist the urge to facepalm this time. The sound of me slapping my face echoed throughout the narrow passageway, causing Mikasa to glance at me with sympathy in her eyes. "This is who we're leaving our hopes with? I want a re-pick for our unit, please," I groaned in exasperation.
"What?! I've never heard of that move!" Connie gaped, spinning around to face Reiner with awe in his eyes.
"This is the first time I've ever heard about it too!" Sasha nodded in agreement, crossing her arms in a comically serious manner. "Why'd the instructors forget to teach us that?!"
Jean sighed loudly from the back. I could tell that he was rolling his eyes without even having to look back. The situation was just that ridiculous. "Oi, are you sure you want those to be your last words?"
"Shh!" Bertholdt harshly whispered out from the very front of the line. "We're close now. Out this staircase, we can jump onto the ceiling beams and aim at them from above." Bertholdt was the only one focusing on the matter at hand. With a dramatic pause, he slowly turned his head around to meet us. "...Are you guys ready?"
It was more like a rhetorical question than anything, but we all knew the answer immediately.
There was no more fooling around. We all glanced at each other with conviction and trust in our eyes. Turning towards Bertholdt, we nodded in unison, resolved to come back alive. Seeing our confidence and determination, Bertholdt nodded back.
"Then let's go." With a quick wave of his hands, we all filed in, treading in carefully onto the ceiling beams.
I kneeled down, crawling on top of the wooden plank towards the center of the room. The others were mirroring my movements but from different angles. It didn't take long for me to reach my designated spot. I positioned myself in the middle, where all the ceiling beams met. Just in case anything out of plan occurred, I would be able to reach them all within the shortest distance.
The silence was deafening. No one took a breath. Everyone focused on the Titans roaming freely below them. The sound of chains clanking against the wood caught my attention as I whipped my gaze up above me. The lift slowly came down towards the middle of the room. Armin and I shared a trusting look as I caught his line of sight on the lowering lift.
With a glance towards the others, I waved my hand once, signaling that the plan would now be commenced. They all gritted their teeth in response, eyes boring down below onto our prey.
One of the Titans suddenly stopped roaming around. With a monstrous, predatory grin, it whirled its head towards the center. One of the cadets accidentally let loose a squeak from the surging fear. His hand shook violently on the rifle.
Don't do it yet...! Hold it in, guys!
There was nothing I could do but cheer them on from above. We couldn't miss the timing. We had only one chance, and if we failed, it was all over for us.
Time seemed to stop as the Titans reacted to the sudden movement on the lift. They crept closer, the thundering footsteps reverberating in our ears. It felt like a century had passed by as we waited impatiently, sweat rolling down our features, for the plan to officially start.
A split second later and the world exploded into blinding flashes of light as gunfire erupted, jetting splinters of wood and flesh everywhere. The sound of bullets ramming against their skin pricked my ears, making them internally bleed, but the pain only reassured me that I was alive and that I still had a job to do—
"Hah!" Jean came slashing down with accurate precision down at the Titan in front of him, barrel-rolling smoothly off onto the ground.
My eyes whipped furiously around the area, searching for the others. Mikasa was calmly wiping her face with the sleeves of her uniform. Reiner hustled backward as the Titan in front of him fell indecorously onto the ground in front of him. Annie leaped graciously onto the ground, knocking the Titan out in front of her. Bertholdt was frantically looking around for signs of errors—
From the corner of my eye, I caught movement towards the right and on instinct glided across the top of the beams, blades raised in my hands.
Connie and Sasha were twitching on the ground, staring eye to eye with their impending doom as the Titans swerved their head around, unfazed by their poorly-aimed attack. A fatal blunder — Connie and Sasha both knew it and prepared for the worst-case scenario as they scrambled back, screaming from the bottom of their lungs for help.
Closing in on my targets from above, I heard Bertholdt gasping loudly from below. "IT'S SASHA AND CONNIE!" Bertholdt alerted everyone to their mistake.
"Hurry and help them!" Jean barked out an order, face distorted into one of pure panic.
"ON IT!" I yelled back a response as I reached my targets. I lifted my blades up high and prepared to attack—
I froze stiff, realizing a fatal flaw in our plan.
There was no time to hesitate, but I had to gauge the situation as quickly as possible. Two titans had escaped us. I was the only soldier available to help them. By the time the others made their way up the beams again, it would be far too late.
I have to do it by myself...two in one blow...but how am I supposed to do that without my gear...?!
"Fuck— there are two Titans! Someone needs to go up there and get the other one!" Jean caught up to my worries and spatted out an order.
"No, we won't make it!" Reiner screamed back a response, gripping his blades tightly. "It'll be too late—"
"WELL, WE HAVE TO TRY SOMETHING!" Jean snarled back, words bitter and acerbic. "DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!"
"...Tch." Annie clicked her tongue loudly before she sprinted up the stairs again with Mikasa right behind her.
If I couldn't do this, there was no way Sasha and Connie were going to survive— hell, we were all going to die if I failed here.
No. I can't wait for back-up. I have to do it somehow, all by myself. But...if I jump down there and kill only one of them...I'll be prey for the other remaining Titan and who knows if Annie and Mikasa will make it on time...!
"Rose! Help!" Sasha's and Connie's plea for help broke me out of a trance. I stared in horror, watching them bawling on the floor in terror and fear. Wilhelm's tear-stained face flashed in the back of my mind. Deja-vu overwhelmed me, and before I could reason with myself, I was already off the ledge, growling in a fury.
"Wha— ROSE, WAIT!" Jean's protesting screams fell on deaf ears as I locked my eyes onto the neck of the Titan.
Two in one jump...there's only one way I can do this, not that I've ever tried it before. But, you know what?
Fuck all.
Before the Titan could turn around, I slammed my blades into its neck and twisted violently, feeling the flesh loosening under my wrath. The Titan let loose a beastly wail of pain, knees buckling as it hurtled forward—
It was in that fateful moment that something unknown came over me. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but for a split second, it felt like I was unconscious, losing my grip on reality. Not a thought entered my head. Not a sound entered my ear, despite my comrades obviously yelling out my name. My vision blackened, fingers twitching, muscles contracting.
What...is happening—
Kill.
An order. A command. To fight. To survive. To protect.
To kill.
Do it.
I flashed a wolfish grin from ear to ear, eyes sparkling with adrenaline. As inappropriate as it was, the bubbly laughter spilled from my lips. I swung my blades up into the air with a sudden surge of vitality; the vile liquid sprayed onto my uniform, but I paid it no attention. I crouched lower, twisting my ankles towards the right. Eyes glinting with a sliver of danger and insanity, I slammed my feet against the crippling Titan and launched myself into the air.
One, two, three, four meters off into the air and a gigantic arm flew into my line of sight— with another jolly outburst, I dipped my head down, letting gravity take over. Forward-rolling mid-air, I cuddled myself up into a ball, barely ducking underneath the would-have-been fatal punch.
Before falling any further, my arms trailed like a comet in their wake and jammed into the Titan's fist. The blades entered with no effort as if mocking the Titan's strength that despaired humankind. The Titan was nothing, just meat, blood bones as I blasted a cavity in its hands, bursting crimson into the fading day.
It released its monstrous grip, roaring as it waved its hand vigorously from the surging pain that was nothing compared to the years of fear that humanity had endured. Hanging mid-air limply, I back-flipped on top of its hand while yanking the blades out. Leaping across its arm, I rounded past its head and rotated my grip on my sword. With a swing of my arms, the sound of flesh being ripped apart filled the air.
Bracing for the impact, I crouched down near its flesh-wound. The Titan dropped down to the ground, lifeless, head jerking in an awkward direction, limbs jutting out. Standing back up, I grabbed my blades and stomped one foot on its head, pulling out my weapon.
With a huff of air, I wiped my forehead with the sleeves of my jacket then lifted my head towards the lift, flashing a victorious grin. "Hey, Armin! I did it!" I was waving my blades around in the air erratically, the adrenaline still pumping, heart thundering.
I was met with deafening silence.
My grin slowly died out, face ashen as I met Armin's apprehensive gaze. My heart skipped a beat; my expression morphed awkwardly into one of confusion. "Uh, guys? I saved your lives here. Can't I get even a small thanks?"
Again, no one uttered a word. A wave of anxiety washed over me and I felt myself stuttering out. "S-Say something, guys..." I whirled my head around, looking for Jean and the others. "Hey, we're safe now, right—"
"H-Huh?" Jean's voice was jumpy, alerted, panicky. He clamped his mouth shut, taking a giant gulp. He opened his mouth to try again. "I...I...uh...yeah, you did it...?" He trailed off, lips trembling as if he was hesitating to say something.
Sweat was pouring down my face as I stared blankly at him, taking in his reaction. It took me another second to force my legs to unlock, walking stiffly towards him.
He slid his foot back.
I froze mid-step. Heart in my mouth, ice in my veins, I stared horror-stricken at Jean. His expression tightened, eyes quivering. My heart sank as the freezing cold crept inside of me. That was his guarded expression, whenever he was standing face to face with a Titan.
And it was directed at me.
But why?
I shook my head lightly, unconsciously taking a step back. "Why...are you looking at me like that?" My voice was reeling from the sudden realization that I was causing the discomfort in the premise. "J-Jean?" My voice was reduced to a mere quiet whimper as the alienation unhinged me.
It's the same gaze...just like when I was a nobody on the streets. Why? WHY?
"Why are you—"
My skin went as pale as my eyes and I knew I was clocking out. But nothing could stop the sudden fatigue that devoured me. Legs buckling, I felt myself swaying, gravity taking hold of my fragile limbs.
Nausea crept from my abdomen to my head and the world went black.
The last thing I saw was Jean's figure, sprinting towards me, eyes filled to the brim with neverending guilt.
The cadets were rushing back and forth: a raucous fray of chattering. Gas pumps turned on full-blast, tanks being filled to the brim, laughter broke out underground as the cadets hugged each other, crying tears of joy at their survival.
Sasha and Connie were teasing each other on the other end of the room, wiping their tears of weakness. Mikasa and Armin quietly minded their own business, filling their tanks while conversing small-talk. Reiner and the others were huddled in a secluded corner, stone-faced as they debated over something.
Jean sat silently in the corner of the room, cradling his head in his own hands, unable to celebrate their victory from the bottom of his heart. The guilt was gnawing at him from the inside, tearing him apart. It was under his command that many of their comrades had died meaningless deaths. Although he knew he couldn't possibly take responsibility for all those lives, it still destroyed him that he wasn't able to save them.
But more importantly...
His damp and wistful eyes slid over to the red-head that was lying down on the bench next to him, breath uneven and ragged. Rose's face was distorted, forehead glistening with sweat. The bandages that covered her ribs were seeping with red, her wounds reopened.
He reached his hand out and gently wiped the feverish drops on her forehead with the sleeve of his shirt.
"Jean...!" Marco plopped himself down next to Jean. "Here's your tank. It's all refilled!" He beamed at Jean, innocently smiling like no tomorrow.
"...Thanks," Jean uttered, voice empty and soulless. His eyes didn't leave from the girl who was now whimpering loudly. Her hands jerked violently as if she was stuck in a nightmare.
Marco took in Jean's demeanor and frowned. "Hey, there's something that I want to tell you. Don't get mad, okay?" Marco took Jean's silence as a sign to continue. "You're not strong. I think that's why you can understand the feelings of the weak. You're also good at judging the situation correctly. You always clearly know what you're supposed to do, don't you?"
Jean's fingers twitched. He gritted his teeth, blood seeping from the corner of his lips as he trembled.
"Your orders were right. That's why I could run. That's why we're alive!" Marco smiled, warmly at Jean. He reached his hand out and patted Jean's shoulder. "So don't feel bad. You did a great job as our leader, Jean."
"...Yeah. Thanks, Marco." He flashed Marco a shaky grin, hoping that his best friend wouldn't see past his facade to his true feelings that were screaming inside of him.
Marco seemed to be satisfied with Jean's attempt at a reassuring smile and stood up, leaving his friend alone, going back towards the other cadets to help them fill up their tanks.
Jean's grin immediately dissipated into thin air. He clenched his fists hard, his nails digging into his skin, bruising them. "You're wrong...Marco..." Jean muttered bitterly to himself. The regret and guilt were too much. It was breaking his soul. He hung his head low, gnawing at his lips, biting down nausea. "It wasn't me..." He trailed off, the memories flickering in his mind.
Her vibrant colored hair fluttered gracefully in the wind as she stood behind him. "Well, you heard the man." She strode confidently across the aisle of cadets, flashing a mischievous grin. "If we're going to die anyway, we might as well choose the way we die, yeah?"
He grew aware of the stinging sensation crawling up into his eyes.
The warm golden rays of sunshine were reflected in those round orbs of hers. "Just be our temporary leader for now, Jean." Her eyes shone with brilliance, no longer filled with an intent to mock or tease him for his flaws. "I have your back."
He bit his lips hard, choking down the tears that threatened to spill.
Beads of sweat were glacial on her temples and he itched to wipe them off, but his muscles were locked. "What we need in our situation isn't someone who can take responsibility for all of us. We need someone mentally and emotionally strong enough to push everyone forward, no matter what happens." Her lips contorted into a shaky smile. "I can't do it. But I believe you can."
Jean snorted out loud, laughing dryly and bitterly to himself at the memory. "How wrong you were..." He shook his head violently as if he were chasing the demons away. The other cadets seemed to notice his peculiar behavior but chose to ignore them promptly.
The pain in his heart spilled from his lips as he sputtered, choking on the tears that had broken past his facade. It was a concoction of dark, heavy disappointment and regret. "Marco...I couldn't have made those so-called right decisions on my own..." He mumbled to himself, despite his friend being nowhere in sight.
Jean buried his head deeper inside his hands and knees. "It was because Rose was there." His voice was hoarse as he spoke out the bitter truth.
And he betrayed her.
That look of horror in her eyes when he unconsciously took a step back against his will. It made him fervently wish that he could turn back time and repent for his sins. He should have been there for her. Despite their clashes, he enjoyed their bantering sessions. He considered her one of his best friends in the 104th group. Jean knew he had an unlikeable personality, too strong and prideful for his own good.
But she still stood by him when he was distraught and helpless.
So much for repaying her kindness. He fucking stabbed her in the back— no, screw that. He literally stabbed her in the front while she was watching.
"...Fuck." He swore to himself, now calming himself down from his impromptu meltdown session. "Just what...what were those moves?" His mind flashed back to her violent movements as she parried that blow from the Titan. Was it even humanly possible to jump four meters across without a running start? How did she gather the strength to backflip mid-air with hardly any grip?
What was that unsettling, dark grin of hers...?
Nevertheless, it was no reason to look at her as if she was a monster. She wasn't a Titan, for god sake. She was his comrade— their comrade. Perhaps she was only trying her best to save them all and if so, that was, of course, something to praise.
And yet everyone, including himself, was scared shitless by that inhuman fighting ability of hers.
He let out a shaky sigh. Glancing at the shivering girl, he took off his jacket and covered her wounds up with it. Lightly brushing the hair away from her forehead, he took in the pained, strained whimpers that escaped from her lips.
"Just who are you?" He found himself asking in disbelief.
But that was a story for much later. Right now, his priority was to get her and his comrades all back out alive.
And of course, an apology for all the shit he pulled.