A/N: Sorry it's been such a long while, guys! I've had a lot of real life stuff to take care of because I'm going for an exchange to the Netherlands in less than three weeks (yay!). And I've had terrible writer's block for Ghost, gah. I'm not quite back in the groove yet but I want to start posting again :) I've missed you guys so much.

Say hello to Kakashi's new ANBU team! :3

"He's late," the purple-haired girl grumbles, her elbows propped against the ANBU headquarters' canteen table and her chin in her hands. She kicks the shin guard of the man slumped opposite her but the Nara just continues to nap, his face buried in his arms. "He's been late for a whole day."

"Maybe he's dead," the third member of their team suggests, scrubbing a hand through his short brown hair with a sigh.

Sakumo doesn't even want to think about how close Kakashi had come to making that jest true, yesterday night. There's an ugly ball of anger simmering in Sakumo's stomach, but he tries to focus on the present. Kakashi is safe, now. He's here right beside Sakumo, though he can't see him or feel his chakra because of the chameleon jutsu Kakashi had layered over himself. Sakumo can imagine it though, how Kakashi would be sprawled along the railing with his novel dangling from his fingers, dozing off as he waits for his team to realise he's watching them from the second floor.

"Let's go ask for a new captain," the ANBU suggests.

The girl's hazel eyes flash as she sits up, her spine ramrod straight. "No way, Kou! Remember what Gazelle said? We don't get a team unless someone chooses us, so it means that Hound-taichou chose us!"

"But he just got promoted," Kou argues. "A captain can't be a captain without a team, so he has to choose someone. Or he'll be a captain of nothing."

"He's actually right," Sakumo thinks, remembering how Kakashi had picked out their files with hesitant fingers, as if they were scorpions instead of bundles of paper.

Still, she isn't disheartened— quite the opposite, in fact. "Don't you dare step one foot into the admin office, or I will personally replace all your kunai with rubber ducks!"

A startled bark of laughter escapes Sakumo. "How cute," Rin murmurs, hiding a laugh behind her hand at the murderous expression on the ANBU's still-chubby face.

Kou raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "Is that what the Academy is teaching you all nowadays, Yagao?"

"It's Yugao!" The girl narrows her eyes, clearly unhappy that she is the team's youngest at twelve. Kou is at least twenty by Sakumo's guess, and the Nara thirty-something. ANBU's manpower shortage must be quite severe if the age limit has been lowered to include children just out of the Academy. Sakumo doesn't mean to imply that Yugao was recruited just to make up the numbers, though. That would be the equivalent of sending her to her death, and there is no point in that. Even if it is only to avoid a waste of resources, Sakumo has that much faith left in Konoha, at least.

"That's it," Yugao declares, her hands bundling into fists as she glares at her new teammate. "I'll switch them out for centipedes, just for you."

"I'll squish them."

"I'll replace them."

"I'll chop them to bits."

"I'll stuff them in your mouth when you're asleep!"

"Great, extra protein!" Kou cackles, clearly enjoying the way Yugao is working herself up into a conniption. "You should give Hound-taichou some in his breakfast cereal too. He's still not here, that bastard."

"Don't you call Hound-taichou a bastard!" Yugao screeches, shooting out of her chair. "His parents were perfectly well married!" Sakumo snorts, both amused and bemused at the her defense of Kakashi.

The older ANBU dodges her lunges with a laugh, dancing backwards around their sleeping teammate. "What do you even know, kid." His amusement morphs into an exaggerated expression of worry when Yugao draws her katana, her brows stitched together angrily in a frown. "Don't run with sharp things, dear, they're dangerous!"

"You...!"

"Shut up," the Nara grumbles, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes. He tilts his head to side and groans at the loud 'pop' his neck makes. "You're embarrassing yourself in front of Hound-taichou."

"W-what?" Yugao stammers, fumbling as she sheathes her sword behind her back. A flush creeps up her face.

Kou scans his surroundings with wide eyes. "Where, Mitsuo?" There is no-one in the canteen; lunch was long over.

The Nara points with one hand, his other covering a large yawn. "There."

Kakashi drops his jutsu and waves cheerfully. If Sakumo hadn't known what Kakashi had suffered yesterday, he might have missed the faint stiffness in Kakashi's limbs as he leapt down to the ground floor and sauntered over to his new team.

Kakashi had spent the night in the underground burial place, sleeping fitfully in his damp clothes, before Inoue delivered him back up to the well near dawn. Still, it took some time for Hinoto to arrive with a medic and give Kakashi permission to get out of the freezing water. It didn't require much acting to convince Hinoto that Kakashi was half-dead, but Hinoto brushed it off once the medic concluded it was simply exhaustion.

Sakumo wonders how many of their shinobi have already died because of their cruel methods.

"I was waiting for you all to notice me," Kakashi says in lieu of a greeting. With his hands tucked in his pockets, one eye shut and the other halfway closed, he is a picture of indifference. That is, if only they are blind to the sharp disapproval in his chakra. "And here our dear Lynx had already realised." His gaze lands on the other two ANBU and they stiffen, expecting him to lay into them. However, Kakashi just sighs and turns back to Mitsuo. "Why did you not inform your teammates?"

The Nara is silent for a moment, his slumped posture belying his tension. "I figured that if there was anything that you wanted us to do, you'd show yourself. Otherwise, I might be ruining a test or—"

"Don't make excuses," Kakashi snaps, and Mitsou falls silent, his head lowering. It's vaguely amusing, seeing a grown man getting scolded by a boy barely half his age. "This isn't about me, but you. I can accept apathy but not when it disadvantages the team. Even if you weren't interested in commencing training, your teammates were clearly invested in finding my whereabouts."

"I'm sorry."

"Apologise to your teammates, not me."

Visibly downtrodden, Mitsuo shifts to face the other two. "I'm sorry."

"Oh it's okay...!" Yugao hurries to assure him and Kou nods, his face blank.

"You two," Kakashi declares sharply, making Yugao freeze and Kou pale. Mitsuo sags further into his chair, glad that Kakashi's attention is no longer on him. "I never expected the two of you to sense me since neither of you are sensors. This isn't a criticism," he adds when Yugao seems torn between relief and disappointment in herself. "However, both of you should have asked Mitsuo. It is crucial that each team member understand the skill sets of every other person. Otherwise, the team will never function at an optimum."

Raising his left arm, he pretends to check the time. His team stares at his bare wrist in confusion. "Well, isn't it late?" Kakashi says, cheery once more. "We've wasted a whole day." He tucks his hands back into his pockets. "I'll see you all at Training Ground 5 at seven tomorrow morning. I'll bring some food, so don't eat breakfast." His team relaxes a fraction as he turns to leave, only to snap back to attention when he whirls back around, fixing them with a dangerous smile. "Oh, and since there was some confusion earlier on, I'd better clarify. My parents were, as Yugao said, "perfectly well married"."

With a dramatic mini-tornado of leaves, Kakashi disappears, leaving Kou mortified and Yugao nearly bouncing with glee.

"Aha, you stupid Puma! Our captain is so cool!" the purple-haired ANBU squeals. "Did you hear that? He's treating us to breakfast!"

Mitsuo collapses back onto the table, face-first, and Kou buries his face in his hands. Yugao pats both of them on the head, her eyes still sparkling. "Don't worry, I'm sure he doesn't hate any of us."

"I smell something fishy," Rin says suspiciously, bumping her shoulder against Sakumo's and lifting an eyebrow.

Sakumo bumps her back, chuckling. "Can't Kakashi be nice?"

"Have you seen him at the grocery store?" the med-nin gasps.

"He gets the best deals!" Sakumo protests. "It doesn't mean he's cheap!"

"Uh-huh," Rin says skeptically. She dissolves into angry squeaks when Sakumo ruffles her hair.

"You have a stalker," Genma whispers to Kakashi, senbon clinking between his teeth, as they wait outside Ichiraku for their takeaway.

Kakashi turns around and peers into the pre-dawn gloom, opening his Sharingan a fraction. "Hmm. I know that little kitty."

The older boy grins crookedly. "Should we order another portion?"

Shrugging, Kakashi turns back to the stall, his Sharingan slipping shut. "Sure, why not. Don't touch this one though."

Rin elbows Sakumo with a teasing "I told you so" and the older Hatake raises his hands sheepishly in defeat.

"So this "little kitty" is important, eh, Kakashi?"

Ignoring the smirking toukubetsu-jounin, Kakashi grabs one of the laminated menus and raises it above the other patrons' heads. "Teuchi-san," he calls, pressing his finger to the picture of a rice bowl set. "One unagi set as well, please. Takeaway."

The shopowner glances over and smiles. "Alright, coming right up!"

Stomach growling, Sakumo watches mournfully as Teuchi prepares all those delicious rice bowls. Rin looks at him and shakes her head in pity and exasperation. "Those puppy-eyes aren't going to work, you know..."

Closing his eyes, Sakumo leans further over the counter. His mouth waters as he inhales the savoury smell of some random chuunin's miso ramen. "Rin, do you have one of those ration bars?"

"I have an infinite number of them," she sighs, summoning one into her hand with a snap of her fingers. "They're not going to help though."

Sakumo just gives her a narrow-eyed smirk as he unwraps the ration bar, like he knows something she doesn't. "They say half the taste is in the smell. And a good visual helps too." He takes a bite of the ration bar and hums happily. "See? I can already taste the miso."

"Uh-huh," Rin says, ducking out of Sakumo's reach when he tries to ruffle her hair again.

"Why are you so sarcastic," Sakumo bemoans.

She crosses her arms with a helpless smile. "Because you just decided to eat crunchy miso-flavoured cardboard."

"It's the very best," he declares solemnly.

Several minutes later, the containers of food are all wrapped up in a paper bag which Teuchi places on the counter. "Thanks," Kakashi says, squeezing through the crowd as he produces several bills from his kunai pouch. "Looks like the new breakfast menu is going to bring you a fortune." He nods at the long queue stretching out into the street with a crinkle-eyed smile.

Teuchi adjusts his chef's hat with a rumbling laugh. "Only thanks to everyone's support, Kakashi-san. Have a good day!"

The silver-haired jounin gives him a wave before pushing back out of the restaurant. He hands Genma the plastic bag with a smirk and the other shinobi gives a low whistle. "You sure about this? Your team is going to absolutely hate you."

Kakashi just shrugs, amusement dancing in his eye. "It'll teach them not to ask me to pay for things."

Rin elbows Sakumo again and the older Hatake sighs.

A/N: Haha Kakashi. Treating his ANBU team like kindergartners. "Say sorry to the other kids, Mitsuo!" Btw, I've made Yugao a bit older than she is in canon. She's still young though, so she's a bit OOC because she hasn't gotten over her Kakashi-super-fan stage yet :P