Hi! My name is Leigha Marie and this is my first fanfiction that I am putting out there for the world to read. I have most of it finished only need to divide it into chapters and edit it. I admit it might not be the best, but it is my story and I am proud of it. I hope to post regularly on the weekends until it is finished. I plan on alternating 'present day' and flashback chapters, but I am not sure. Thanks for even opening this story

Chapter 1: Sarah vs An Old Friend

July 31, 2020

Sarah wakes up a few minutes before the alarm starts blaring. She is glad because she feels like she might throw a knife at it like she has done a few times before. She has never been a morning person, but the pain medication that she took a few hours ago to take away the pain from her gunshot wound in her left shoulder has worn off and when she rolls to her one side, she up. She switches the clock off as she gets up and ready for the day. She doesn't have a mission as her last mission ended badly, but she has been working an advisory position as she heals.

Sarah checks her phone as she leaves her hotel room. She sighs when she sees the 3 texts and a missed call with a voice message from Chuck but doesn't open them. Instead, she opens and reads the one from Carina. It is plain and simple to the point.

In town for a few. Meet for lunch?

Love to. 12:30? The usual place? She texts back.

Before she even gets in the elevator, Carina texts back a simple Yep

At the office, she is in and out of meetings with different people giving her input on missions that she won't be going on. She hates to admit it, but she isn't in a rush to get back in the field. A few years ago, she was so ready to get back in the field after her medical leave, but now she is fine with being on the sidelines. Before she knows, it is noon and she heads out to meet Carina.

They meet at the usual diner they go to. Even though Sarah herself is 15 minutes early, Carina is already there in their booth looking at the menu. Her hair is cut in a bob and is a vibrant red instead of her natural darker red.

"Hey, Blondie," Carina says with her usually smile, "Long time no see."

Sarah smiles and sits down across from her. "I like the hair," she laughs.

Carina rolls her eyes, "It was for a mission. I have an appointment tomorrow to fix the mess."

Sarah continues laughing as a waitress comes over and they order their food. They talk about how things are going in the respective jobs leaving out the classified details. The food comes out and they continue talking like it hasn't been almost a year since they saw each other. Sarah is about halfway through with her meal when Carina decides to bring up the topic Sarah is dreading.

"How are they?" Carina says shoving a bite of a pork chop into her mouth.

Sarah just shrugs her shoulders and keeps eating her salad. She knows who she is talking about and hopes Carina can take a hint that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"I bet they miss you, Walker," Carina digs a little deeper. She understands Sarah doesn't want to talk about the topic, but she leans back in her seat and continues any way. "When's the last time you seen them?"

Sarah scowls back, but answers, "June 6th."

Carina looks at her and shakes her head. Carina knows she is pushing the right buttons now. She knows Sarah is going around the truth. She doesn't know whether to continue the interrogation or not. She looks into Sarah's eyes and sighs. She is only going to continue because she was asked.

"Of last year." Carina states. "Because I just was there, and I know what he told me. I also know that you were shot and in the hospital around then." She reaches over the table and shoves Sarah a little in the shoulder she was shot in to make a point. Sarah winces, but Carina doesn't stop. "Hell, you won't even text or call him back. You have been shot twice in the past year and he doesn't know that. They all are worried about. What the hell happened in the past year? What changed? You were making progress. I know that you weren't there all the time in the past, but at least you visited them and gave them updates in between. Honestly, I don't understand. If you are trying not to get close to them, you should have cut ties years ago."

Sarah won't look at Carina, but instead focuses on anything she can on the table. "That's not it." she says as she chokes back tears. Tears start rolling even though she is trying her hardest to stop them. She should have known this was going to be part of her meeting with Carina because of course Carina has talked to them. She is pissed that she didn't see the truth of the meeting before. They sit there in silence for what feels like a lifetime but is actually probably only a few minutes.

"Did you remember?" Carina whispers. "Because that is the only thing that makes sense to me."

Sarah wipes the tears and doesn't answer. She looks up at Carina and now, Carina knows. She knows one of her only friends remembers the five years that she lost. She is staying away not because she is afraid of getting close to them, but because she knows she has already hurt them. Carina wishes that she could do something anything to fix this mess that Sarah created for herself when she didn't know what she had. Carina may never want that life for herself, but it is obvious that Sarah to everyone would have been happy had those five years not disappeared.

"Do you know she is taller than his sister's girl? Cassidy?" Carina says trying to get her oldest friend to open up a little.

"Clara. And Chuck still sends me pictures," Sarah with a sour face.

"I really don't like kids, ya know, but I like being her honorary Aunt. She reminds me of you. She is your mini me. She always steals the attention of the room without ever meaning to, little miss Amelia Hope Bartowski. Isn't she almost 8?" Carina watches as Sarah's sour face turns into a one of longing with a sad smile. Sarah doesn't open up and they sit there again in a little bit of silence.

Carina changes the subject as they finish their food because she sees that Sarah isn't going to talk. They talk about their next assignment. Sarah admits she doesn't know what she is doing next as her shoulder is pretty messed up. They pay their bill and as Sarah gets up to leave, Carina grabs her arm and pulls her into a hug.

"I am pretty sure if you went back now, they would take you back the second you walked through the door." Carina says as she hugs her friend. As she pulls away, she continues, "if you need me, I am always here."

Sarah goes back to her hotel room which has become her home and opens her text messages from Chuck. It is three photos of her little girl in her ballet outfit with her blonde hair pulled into a tight bun. One is of her on stage, another is with her, her mother, and Molly, and last is of her and Chuck. She must have had a recital today Sarah thinks to herself. She texts Chuck that she is okay, doing well, and that she enjoys the pictures answering the questions that Chuck has asked her for months and she has just ignored. That might be half-truth, but she decides that is okay as she lays in bed because she is going home.