Chapter 38AE

'Raiders of the Lost Sith' - Part II

'ROTS: Return of the Tantrum Sith'

'Bad Dates'

'Game of Clones'

'The Notebook'

Revenge of the Sith: Rancors in Paradise

Several days pass. Han spends all the time with Sallah monitoring the dig. They are able to keep competing archeologists away from the area. Han's solution is to create several decoy dig sites using a rotating work crew. He and Anakin question the men they captured near the tent a few nights before. An old foe pays the men to ambush Han and Anakin. The would-be assassins have been tracking Anakin and Han for days. Han's old nemesis René Belloq is on their trail.

Han confesses that he was shortsighted for not suspecting Belloq when their problems began in the jungles of Massassi. Anakin quips that Belloq hires the same crew of trackers as Han and that is why they keep running into trouble. Han has a difficult time debunking Anakin's theory.

They return to the village to discuss the dig site after a meal of summer koshari and salad. Fayah leaves the men at the table to discuss the project. Han decides that the optimal time to resume the dig is morning and early afternoon when locals take their siesta. Sallah agrees but reminds them:

"The night is dark and full of terrors."

Han rolls his eyes and laughs.

"No kiddin', Sherlock!"

Anakin proclaims to be shocked by Han's remark.

"Hey! This is our host. Don't be rude!"

"Sallah knows I'm just kidding."

Anakin shouts.

"Well, I didn't!"

Sallah speaks up.

"Tell me more about this Sherlock fellow, Han. I am intrigued to know more about him since you imply we are of similar sophrosyne."

Anakin encourages Sallah to continue speaking. "Forget about the soap opera nonsense Han is talking about. What were you saying, Sallah?" Anakin gives a smug side-glance to Han. This will surely curry favor with his new host.

Sallah elaborates on his remark about the dangers they face. He leans across the table as if sharing a secret.

"There are rumors that secret mercenaries are headed to Lhaasi Desert. I have reliable contacts who tell me spies are afoot in search of the Lost Jedi Temple of Souls."

Han is curious as he takes a piece of fruit from a bowl nearby. He leans in and whispers.

"When?"

"The past days…possibly weeks."

"Do we have a specific date of their arrival, or do we know when they plan to attack?"

Sallah's tone is now serious as he attempts to answer Han's question.

"No one knows for sure, my friend. However, the informant says they may have landed as recently as three days ago."

Han rubs his chin as he ponders. An old oscillating fan offers little relief from the evening heat. Han loosens a blue and white bandana around his neck.

"Three days ago, eh? That would have been after we located the dig site."

"So, what does this mean, Indy? Will it affect the dig?"

"It means we had better speed up the excavation."

Anakin folds he arms across his chest and leans back in his chair.

"I'll tell you what it means; it means we had better get more reliable information…or better dates."

Sallah nods thoughtfully.

"That is a good point, my Lord."

Han pops a piece of dried fruit into his mouth.

There is a long silence. Anakin leans across the table.

"Why are we whispering?"

They each stare at one another, unable to give a logical answer.

Anakin decides he will take a break from all of this work. He did not travel all the way to Yavin 4 to dig sand in the scorching sun. He spends most of this week getting Fayah to do his laundry. Han is appalled that he would do such a thing and reminds Anakin that Fayah is not his personal cleaning service. Anakin sulks and refuses to join Han at the dig site. He thinks about Isabel and the children. There is no telephone signal for miles in this primitive area. Han explains that is the point of the trip: no communication devices. Anakin is supposed to spend the time 'bonding' with the scruffy nerfherder son-in-law.

Anakin sits in the tent looking at holographs of his family. He only does this for a few moments a day to conserve the remaining battery life on his phone. He listens to a message from a month earlier reminding him to write his speech for her brother's retirement ceremony with the Coruscant Police Department.

After three days of not communicating with Han or anyone else, Anakin is bored and is curious to find out what is going on at the site.

Late the next morning the two men set out to check on the progress at the dig sight. Sallah is supervising the work and sees Han approaching. He greets him with his usual cheerful 'Hello'.

"Indy, my friend! Good to see you this fine morning. As you can see, we are making progress." Sallah looks around. "Did you come alone? Where is the tall one who is feared by all?"

Han pulls the blue and white bandana from around his neck and wipes his face. He removes his hat then takes his water bottle and douses his head with water.

"He's on his way up. His 'worship' will join us shortly." Han looks down the hill behind him. It is a sultry day. This is the hottest it has been since their arrival. Sallah and Han listen to the labored breathing.

"He looks in perfect shape but I worry about him, Indy. It is a breathing problem he has, yes?"

"It's psychosomatic."

"Ah...a childhood trauma."

"Yeah, his mother probably tried to smother him in his sleep. Poor woman."

"Oh, how horrible."

"I'm joking. Fortunately for him she loved him, but he does have some issues."

Anakin casts a big shadow as he nears the top of the hill. He is wearing a bucket hat and sunglasses. His rucksack is slung across his shoulder. He wastes no time making his dissatisfaction with this expedition known.

"What the 'eff' is up here that I need to climb so high?" He almost loses his footing as he reaches the landing. He looks around at the workers who cower in his presence. "I've got 'effing' sand in my shoes, my shirt is already sweaty, and the tent is swarming with tanc mites!"

Han stares at Anakin and waits for him to stop his tirade.

"Are you done?"

"No, I am not done! It's 'effing' hot! You brought me here to kill me, I'm sure of it! You told me this was just a fun getaway…well, it is NOT fun! This stuff wasn't planted here to humor me! You brought me along to locate some lost Jedi relic! You lied to me!"

Sallah is concerned and interrupts.

"Indy! He does not look well. Maybe we should take him to the village. I will have Fayah prepare some mint tea; it should bring the color back to his face."

A few brave workers step forward to offer refreshment from a metal ladle. Han warns Sallah.

"Don't indulge him, Sallah."

Anakin shoves one of the workers out of the way, as he moves in closer to Han.

"That's right, don't indulge me. I might want something that makes sense like air conditioning or a clean bed to sleep in before I climb this suffocating sand dune!"

Han yells back at him.

"You're out of breath? I see you have enough hot air left in your lungs to complain."

"Well, I'm not happy! I was promised 'Happy'!"

"You're never happy! All you've done since we got here was bitch and moan."

"Oh yeah? I saved your life! You ingrate!"

"Oh please! Cut me a break!"

"Really? How many times have I saved your life?"

"Oh right…Here we go! You saved my life…when it was in your best interest!"

The crew is transfixed as they turn from Anakin to Han while the two men exchange barbs with one another. Han wants to punch Anakin but holds back. He instead points an accusing finger at him. Anakin is ready to fight if necessary.

"Don't point that arrogant finger at me!"

"Whenever you want to look like the hero, you decide, 'Oh, this is a good time to save Han's ass. Leia would love me for it. Isabel would tell everyone what a super nice guy I am.' Sound familiar?"

"I have never once used the term, 'super-nice.'"

"I stand corrected. You're not nice."

"You're still ungrateful."

"You're ungrateful! I'm the one who organized this trip for you! Happy 'effing' Father's Day!"

Anakin goes into another tantrum. This time, it is worse.

"What? Let me tell you, it's the worst 'effing' Father's Day gift ever! I was content to stay home, sleeping in my soft, clean bed! But, no! I listened to my wife and daughter who begged me to take this trip. 'It'll be therapeutic!' Screw therapeutic!' Arrrrgghh!"

He throws his bucket hat in the sand and kicks it. The display is almost comical as he clenches his fists and raises them towards the sky.

Anakin's rant dissolves into an incoherent string of profanity-laden words. He is stomping around and kicking equipment and tools. He tosses his flashlight across the sand mound near the dig site. Han waits for the tantrum to subside but it is too late. The workers run for cover as tools begin flying. A funnel of sand twirls towards the sky like a tornado. The winds created by Anakin's fury of the Force sweep a foot of sand from beneath his feet revealing a large bronze slab. He looks down. The slab is as thick as a manhole cover and sounds a lot like one too as he his feet move across it.

Han walks over and taps his foot on the slab. He summons the workers to resume digging. Sallah and Han run their fingers along the edges, using an archeologist's brush to sweep away the excess sand. They determine that the slab is indeed a cover and the opening has to be hollow, not filled with sand.

Sallah looks around and finds an overturned tool bag. He reaches inside for a crowbar. The slab is extraordinarily heavy. He summons the frightened workers back to the site. Several refuse to return. Han turns to Anakin who innocently watches the mad exodus down the hill. Han is furious. He throws up his hands in disgust.

"Oh, great! We just lost half the crew! Look what you did! This is your fault!"

Anakin shrugs and looks over at Han.

"What?"

Sallah locates a second crowbar and issues it to one of the returning workers. He instructs the returning laborers to find the opposite end of the slab. After several attempts, the slab opens releasing an otherworldly gasp of air. The workers move away quickly as dust swirls in their immediate direction. Han watches as the dust settles.

"Well, it's vacuum-packed, which means it's never been opened."

Anakin quips.

"Yeah, like coffee. I could use some right now."

Han is not laughing.

"It figures you'd think about food at a time like this."

"Well, yeah, since I haven't had a decent cup of coffee since I left home."

"Tragic."

Han ignores Anakin. He grabs his flashlight and lies face down at the opening. He moves the flashlight around to get a good look inside.

"Something's moving around down there. Someone hand me a torch."

One of the frightened workers hands a torch to Han. Han drops the torch into the dark opening. Anakin and Sallah join Han and look inside the pit. Han watches as the torch lands. He points the beam of the flashlight at the torch. There is an unsettling 'hissing' sound as the flame comes into contact with something. The flame makes crackling noises. Han's heart sinks. He turns over and looks up at the sky.

"Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?"

Sallah cringes.

"Asps! You go first." He gives Han a gentle nudge.

Han stares at his friend in disbelief.

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"Oh brother!" He takes a deep breath then leaps inside. He lands gracefully but firmly on his feet. No one has time to stop him; No one wants to. Sallah tosses a rope through the opening. Han gulps before he gingerly shimmies down the rope. He can imagine the serpents lying in wait to coil around his feet and devour him. Anakin stands in the middle of the pit. With the wave of his hand, the snakes magically move the perimeter of the dark room. A ring of fire creates a barrier between Anakin and the snakes leaving the center of the room clear. Han lands on the floor of the strange room. He turns to Anakin.

"Oh, now you turn on the hocus pocus! Where happened to your voodoo powers when I was in that skiff surrounded by snakes?"

Anakin responds in a calm but firm voice.

"It was one snake. Hey, Jock said it was a pet! That's good enough for me. Who was I to judge? Besides, it would have been a vulgar display of my powers."

"Oh, so there are standards? Han makes quotation marks with his fingers. Some sort of 'code of ethics' in the Sith world?"

"What are you doing…finger quotes? I could send the slithering beasts back to the center of the room…would you prefer that?"

"Fine! Have it your way."

"You know, you hurt my feelings. I did you a favor and you insult me."

"Okay…I apologize for calling you a Sith. I'm sorry."

"You don't sound sorry."

"How sorry do you want me to be? What will you accept?"

"I want you to radio Jock and have him bring that rickety hydra-skiff here to pick me up."

"He can't."

"What do you mean he can't?"

"There's no communication here. A sandstorm is coming so we have to hunker down for the rest of the trip until the spaceport can send a craft out to get us out of here."

"We're stranded in this desert? This snake-infested, tanc-mite sandpit? I have no clean clothes, I haven't showered in days, I've run out of hair gel…and I miss my wife! God, I hate this place! Oooh!" Anakin collapses to his knees almost in tears. The fire barrier is dying out.

Han is bemused at first then does something he has never dared to do when Anakin has one of his infamous meltdowns. He slaps him.

"Snap out of it! We've got a few hours of daylight left to explore this room and return to the campsite. Do something before the snakes start crawling back here! Now!"

Anakin is back on his feet. He waves his hand to re-ignite the ring of fire around the snakes. He stands quietly as Han opens the notebook and examines the room. The sunlight from the top of the room reveals a pattern on the floor. It resembles several star systems and the replica of the lost Jedi Temple. There is a granite tile showing the twin suns of Tatooine. The next tile shows a hologram of a refugee and slave exodus. Han takes several paces backwards until the heel of his boot is caught in a cavity in the floor. He steps aside then takes his archeologist's brush and sweeps aside a layer of sand and debris.

"Found something!"

Anakin walks over. There is a holocron tablet in the granite tile but it appears to be inactive. The empty space beside it is the same size as the holocron tablet to the left. Han crouches to the floor and examines the space.

"My notes mention a tablet that was in this space. Too bad we don't know what was on the missing tablet."

There is a long silence. Suddenly, Anakin speaks.

"I know."

Han is barely listening.

"Right."

"I do."

Han slowly turns and looks up at Anakin.

"What do you mean, you know? What are you talking about?"

Anakin opens the leather rucksack removes something wrapped in a dusty canvas cloth. He opens the cloth. Han is astonished, but his expression quickly turns to anger.

"Wait. This is the tablet that Satipo was screaming about back in the jungle?"

"So?"

"You almost got us killed and you had this tablet the entire time?"

"Yeah."

"I don't 'effing' believe this!" Han holds the notebook open to the page about the tablet. He points angrily at a hand-drawn diagram. "This is what we came for and you didn't say one word in the past week?"

"You never asked."

Han mocks him.

"'You never asked'. What are you, five? Put the tablet in the empty slot."

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's personal. You wouldn't understand."

"Personal? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I can't tell you."

"You can't tell me?"

"Will you stop repeating everything I say?"

"You know what you are?"

"Yes."

"You're crazy!"

Anakin growls back.

"That's not the word I had in mind."

The two men get into a scuffle again. Han punches him. Anakin is about to return the punch when he slips on the torch that was thrown into the pit to fend off the snakes. Han has him in a headlock. It is the first time he has the upper hand.

"What will happen if we insert the tablet? Start talking!"

"The planets will collide and the rivers will turn to ice. "

"Really?"

"No! Get off of me!"

"You know, the least you could do is share this mystery with me so I can understand you."

"It's better that you didn't know." He pulls away from Han. Han clenches his fists. He has had his fill of Dark Lord tantrums.

"Then explain why!"

"It's too dangerous." He stuffs the tablet back inside the rucksack. They are both too exhausted from fighting. "Hey, do you realize no one has looked for us?"

"That's because you either killed them or frightened them away."

"I didn't kill anyone here."

Han reminds him.

"The marketplace? You forgot that one."

"Keeping score, are we?"

"Sallah probably went to bring the workers back. He would never abandon us. That's what happened…no thanks to you."

"He's sure taking his sweet time."

"Who threw the tantrum?"

"I was just expressing my disappointment with this trip. You said it was going to be fun and an adventure. It's been neither."

"You've been in serious battles all across the galaxy and you whine over a torn shirt and your missing hair gel?"

"This is a very stressful time for me."

"You still seeing that shrink?"

"That's none of your business. Leia talks too much."

"She worries about you. Your wife worries about you. Why do you think we're on this trip?"

"To make me miserable."

"You need to start trusting people. Not everyone is out to get you. Well, maybe the Admiral who's suing you and the HoloNet News Team."

They sit on the floor against the model of the Lost Jedi Temple drinking the last of their water. Han takes out a flask. They share the whisky inside. Anakin begins to tell Han about his harsh childhood and his life on Tatooine with his mother. Anakin rambles on forgetting about the tablet.

"Do you really like me, Han?"

"Sure…when you're not trying to kill me. You're okay."

"Doctor "mouthy" says I need to start trusting people."

"You mean 'Melfi', right?"

They giggle.

"Yeah. She thinks she has ALL the answers. The problem is… the more I trust people, the more they disappoint me and then I become disillus…disillus…"

"Disillusioned."

Anakin points at Han.

"Yes, that's the word."

"God, you're a piece of work! People need a lot of patience to deal with you." Han notices that Anakin removes something else from the rucksack. Anakin is busy writing. Han leans over to see what he is writing.

"What are you doing?"

Anakin ignores him but begins to speak the words he is writing.

"Let's see…boarded skiff with Luke…saved Han's life…Massassi Jungle…saved Han's life…"

Han is almost amused.

"What the hell? What is that? A captain's log? Heh-heh."

"Well, Han, I have a notebook too; and I am using it to keep track of all the times I've saved your dusty, nerfherding ass…" Anakin continues to write as he proves his case. "Mad, knife wielding killer in marketplace…S-A-V-E-D Han's life."

Han slides closer to Anakin to get a better look. Anakin also has some hand drawn diagrams, albeit, crude stick figures, the images depicts Han in various life-threatening situations.

"Cute…pink with a little Ewok eraser topper on the pencil. Where did you get that, the Dark Lord Stationery Store?"

"Keep mouthing off…I have all the time in the world." He glances over at the barbequed snake ring then continues to write. Han decides to let Anakin have his moment to gloat, but Anakin has a short attention span and is only motivated when Han challenges him. Anakin yawns. He is tired and drunk.

The inebriated Dark Lord falls asleep. Han notices the rucksack. The notebook discovery was an amusing diversion from their current predicament. They will not be in this pit much longer. Sallah would surely come for them before nightfall.

A couple of hours pass. Han slides his hand into the rucksack and removes the tablet. The tablets are now aligned. A bright blue light illuminates the room. The floor rumbles. Anakin wakes up.

"What's happening?" He looks at Han "What did you do?"

The tablet displays a dizzying series of holograms covering 4,000 years of historical events. A swirling wind blows Han's fedora off his head. He shields his eyes.

"Whatever you do, don't look at it!"

Anakin laughs.

"Why not?"

"You'll melt."

Anakin looks at Han. Suddenly he grins.

"We'll melt?" He bursts into laughter. "Baahahahaha!"

"That's right; laugh it up! I've seen things, and I'm not looking at what's going on now!"

The holograms slow to a stop and the images fade away. The strange winds that came out of nowhere subside. Han opens his eyes and looks around. Anakin dusts himself off. His clothes are caked with some type of dried clay.

"You may be some hotshot archeologist but I have special powers that afford me the ability to see things that no one should ever know about. What just happened is nothing…except for the fact that my clothes are filthy. God, I hate this place!"

Anakin hears a dull but ominous thud from above the room. He stares up through the opening where they first entered. Han turns quickly to figure out what is happening.

"Oh-oh…"

"What?" Suddenly the room goes dark. They look up. Han does not respond at first.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

Anakin looks up. He sniffs at the air. "What is that smell?"

"Oh, sorry."

"No…it's a smoky smell…like barbeque."

Han looks around. He sees the glowing ring of smoldering embers and Anakin's silhouette.

"Smoked snake."

"Hmmm…I wonder what that tastes like. I'm starving."

"Smoked snake."

"I think we had better find a way out of here before we suffocate from the fumes."

"That's the smartest thing you've said since we entered this hell hole. How do we get pass the snakes? It's dark in here! What are we going to do?" Han crouches and feels around for something.

Anakin dismisses his comment and waves his hand at him.

"They're all dead by now."

A snake slithers over a holocron statue and drops to the floor in front of them. Han leaps back as he manages to switch on his flashlight.

"Not all of them!" He raises the flashlight to make a point. "See? A flashlight."

"Hey, I did what I could. I'm not a miracle worker you know."

"Well, if you hadn't gone into your umpteenth tantrum, we could have avoided this fiasco and had two flashlights instead of one."

"Well let's hurry and find a way out. There has to be some back entrance or secret passageway. Whoever built this also designed a way out. I'm sure of it."

"Try knocking on the walls."

"How many times?"

"I don't know…three."

"You think someone will answer?" Han grins.

"Smartass. I can't believe all of these walls are solid rock. If you want to get out of here alive, start working."

They use some broken pieces of rock and tap the walls. They tap every panel until Anakin approaches a static hologram image of an ancient Jedi profit. There is an Old Basic scripture engraved below the figure:

'A capite ad calcem - From head to heel

'Exeunt omnes - All go out. Lux mundi - The light of the world'

Han walks up behind him and repeats the words.

" 'A capite ad calcem Exeunt omnes.' It means to go out…but where?"

"Hah! I bet that's not in your dusty little notebook."

Anakin examines the stone wall around the hologram. He runs his fingers over the surface. He reaches into his rucksack and takes out his lightsaber. He bores a hole above the head of the Jedi profit and another at the feet. The wall opens. Han and Anakin hurry through.

"Where's the tablet? Grab the tablet!

Han runs back and grabs both tablets then hurries through the wall before it closes. They skid halfway down the sand dune and into Belloq and his gang.

"Hello, Solo! I suspect you have something for me."

"I knew all along it had to be you, Belloq." Han has no time to reach for his blaster. He places his hands behind his head as if to surrender.

"You're getting better at keeping ahead of me, Solo. Fortunately for me, I am still better at finding you."

Han whispers to Anakin.

"You had that whole night to kill somebody and you decide to tie them up and throw them in a ditch instead?"

"You told me not to kill anyone."

Belloq stands in front of his band of heavily armed crew and holds out his hand.

"Boy, boys, you can play the blame game later after my men and I am gone. Now, if you would be so kind as to hand over the tablets."

"You'll have to shoot me first."

"That can be arranged. You see, I can obtain clones too. Your magical friend knows." Belloq glances up at Anakin.

Suddenly additional gunmen appear and surround them. The men are clones of the original bandits who attacked Han several nights before. Sallah appears. He is shoved onto the ground with his hands behind his head. The clones aim their blasters to his head. Sallah is visibly frightened as he looks up the mound at Han. Han's heart sinks as he watches helplessly at his good friend. Sallah speaks then closes his eyes, expecting the inevitable.

"Sorry, Indy."

"It's okay, Sallah. It's not your fault. You're very resourceful, René."

Belloq shouts back.

"I know!"

"Let him go, Rene. It's me you want..."

"Dead…yes. The tablets…please."

Anakin falls to his knees and begins crying.

"Why me? This has been the worst moment in my life! Threepio was right. I'm going to die out here!"

Han stares at Anakin. He rolls his eyes.

"Here he goes again! This is not a good time for a meltdown!"

"I hate you! This is all your fault! I never wanted to come here in the first place! I miss my dog! Ahhhhhh!"

He turns to Han and lunges. Belloq smiles at first, pleased that the two 'travel buddies' have turned on one another. Belloq grabs the rucksack and flees. The wind picks up and sweeps the band of gunmen into the air. One by one, they disappear into a sandy sinkhole. Anakin wields his lightsaber and cuts down the clones. Belloq abandons his men and escapes on foot. He does not intend to save anyone but himself. The prize is all he cares about now. He makes his way to a waiting skiff and takes off.

Anakin grabs Han and plunges down a sand dune. He pulls Sallah out of the sinkhole as one of the gunmen tries to grab onto his leg. Anakin separates the two men. Sallah watches in horror as two disembodied hands grasp his calf. The rest of the would-be assassins have disappeared beneath the sand.

Anakin shoves Sallah to urge him onward.

"Run!" Anakin is laughing.

They reach the campsite and their gear. Han screams at him.

"Are you out of your 'effing' mind? You were faking the whole time?"

"Yeah!"

"You're crazier than a nexu!"

"I know! Isn't it great?" Anakin is like a giddy child on Befana Eve as he rambles on about his caper. "What an idiot that Belloq is…calling me a 'magical' friend! I had half a mind to kick his arrogant ass…but I maintained my composure. I could have killed him but I took a deep breath and got in touch with my inner peace…just as Dr. Melfi suggested.

Han rolls his eyes.

"Oh, brother! I'm sure she'll be proud. Let's get out of here!"

Just then another skiff lands. It is Jock. He appears confused. Han pats him on the shoulder.

"Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes!"

"I don't know how I got here. It was weird, you know? Some voice was in my head telling me to change route…It's the strangest thing. But I'm glad I could help."

They land at a spaceport near Sallah's village. Sallah bids them farewell.

"Indy, my friend. Good luck to you."

"Same here, Sallah. Give my best to Fayah."

Anakin walks up to Sallah. Sallah takes a tentative step back. He is not sure what to expect.

"Sallah, it has been an honor to meet you. I was shocked to find that Han had at least one sensible friend. This has been a unique experience and I thank you. Please tell Fayah thank you for putting up with me. As a token of my appreciation, I want to give you this."

He hands Sallah a velvet bag containing several cut holocron crystals. The rare pieces are worth 1 million credits each. Sallah falls to his knees.

"Anakin Skywalker, you have saved my life more than once and you have made me a wealthy man. I am indebted to you."

"No, you saved me. Thank you, Sallah. May the Force be with you….always."

"Indy, he's a good guy. You were wrong about him."

"I guess he's alright."

As Han and Anakin board the skiff, Han turns to the Dark Lord.

"That was a nice thing you did back there."

"Well, I had a little time to meditate while we were stuck in that tomb. I developed a little hobby years ago during the Clone Wars when I lost my way. I kept it a secret."

"Why are you telling me?"

"Who are you going to tell?"

"No one I guess."

Anakin did have time to contemplate his life after his encounter with Asajj Ventress and his subsequent descent to the dark side. His life was in ruins after Mustafar and Padme's death. There was plenty of time for solitude. Palpatine was fully confident that the former Jedi knight was under his control. Anakin would bide his time while devoting his life as the obedient right-hand of the Emperor.

Palpatine was so thrilled that he had turned such a powerful Jedi to the dark side that he allowed him freedoms to control the military and command posts across the galaxy. He had also given Darth Vader free access to his private collection of the Holocron crystals. The young Sith Lord taught himself to manipulate the crystals into precious gemstones and hid them where Palpatine could not detect them.

In the following years, rumors of the Skywalker wealth were attributed to pod racing and Sabacc winnings. This was only partially true. Anakin was able to sell the gems through a series of clandestine intermediaries on Kamino, Geonosis, and Coruscant. Anakin regained his freedom and his twin children. Palpatine was blindsided by this his apprentice. Anakin would eventually overthrow the old man after seizing the assets of the Empire.

Somewhere over the Sea of Vornez, Belloq unwraps his prize. His eyes widen and his face goes white. He stares at two stone bricks from the Lost Jedi Temple. His angry screams can be heard throughout the skiff.

"Solo!"

Beads of sweat pour down his face as he contemplates what to tell the Sith that he has brought them worthless stones.

Next stop: Felucia – 'The Rancor-infested Swampland of the Outer-Rim'

This is Anakin's impression of the planet. However, there are Atolls that few know about unless one is an experienced traveler. It is a beautiful surprise.

Jock joins Han and Anakin on one of the pristine beaches of Felucia. Anakin uses his credit cards to purchase swim gear and windsurfing gear for the three of them. The beach is the perfect respite from the harrowing misadventures on Yavin 4. Jock lathers his already sunburnt face with sunscreen. He lies in his beach chair. This is the best rip he has ever had.

"Yes, sir, that's the ticket! This is glorious! I couldn't have imagined a better place for a few days of R and R. I heard there are girls on the other side of the island that would turn a guy's head."

Han responds without looking over at his friend.

"If you're talking about 'Jailbait Beach', I would steer clear if I were you, pal."

"I should have known this place was called 'Fantasy Island' for a reason.

A refreshing swim in the ocean and relaxing on a beach chair is the way Anakin prefers to relax. He takes out his notebook and begins writing.

Han lies in his beach chair with his fedora over his face. He briefly lifts it and turns to watch Anakin write.

"Tallying up the number of people you killed so far? Don't forget to add Belloq's 24 clones at the sand pit."

Han smiles then slides the fedora over his face. He is snoring loudly. Anakin does not seem to be bothered by this. He decides to relax as the cool sea air touches his face. There are not many people on this beach, which suits him just fine.

Anakin notices a young man, possibly a college student, exiting a cabana with a bright blue beach towel. There is an image of a giant cartoon rodent wearing sunglasses and flowery beach shorts and festive lei around its furry neck. The creature holds a bright yellow surfboard. The caption on the towel reads: 'José el conejillo de indias ama el surf en Felucia.'

Anakin breaks into a smile when he sees the whimsical character. It takes several moments to process the information. Suddenly the smile turns into a frown. He remembers the breakfast menu in Massassi:

'Empanadas Cuy de Huacho/Empanadas conejillo de Huacho'

Anakin clenches his fist then looks over at his son-in-law.

A waiter walks over to Han.

"Your beverage, Monsieur."

Han wakes up.

"Thanks. Aw, man, this is true paradise." Han reaches for the hollowed-out pineapple filled with tropical rum-infused drink. Without lifting his hat, he brings the straw to his lips and sips. Anakin watches a surfer return from the ocean. His surfboard is tucked under his arm. Anakin gets out of his chair and grabs the board.

"I need this."

The surfer has no time to protest. The pineapple flies out of Han's hand and across the beach. Han is now face-down in the sand. Anakin hands the board back to the surfer.

"Thank-you."

The stunned surfer takes the board.

"Uhm…you're...welcome…Sir"

During the flight back to Coruscant, the retaliation continues. Anakin slugs Han in the jaw. Han feels the painful punch and rubs his face.

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, did that hurt?"

"What is your problem?"

"Nothing."

"I said I was sorry about the scurrier. I was wrong to trick you but you were enjoying it so much, I didn't have the heart to tell you. You were so happy that morning."

"Apology accepted."

"Are we good? No more retaliation?"

"I'm fine now. Relax."

Things seem to calm down after the next several hours.

Presses the recline button on his seat. The tablets are secured beneath his seat. He has some serious questions for several contacts back on Coruscant. For now, however, he sleeps peacefully during the flight home.

Han is sleeping too, but not for long. A small Felucia trop boa constrictor is slithering up his chair and rests on his inflight pillow.