Chapter 43AE
'501 Camp Inspection'
'Gar Tripper to the Rescue'
'Full Metal Jedi Robe'
'Poetry in Motion'
'Beach Boys Stunned'
'Jedi Selfie'
Anakin and Isabel take the early morning shuttle to Naboo.
Upon arrival, they rent a speeder limousine for the drive from the spaceport to camp facility. It is a beautiful summer this late morning. A soft breeze blows from the lake. It is a perfect day for an outdoor camp commencement.
Drill Sergeant Hartley Kveldulf Gunderson aka 'Hartless Wolf Gunderblast' (as the campers secretly call him) takes one last look at his young troops. The foursome from Cabin 'B''Gumfish' are no worse for wear. They have all, in fact, changed for the better. Vern has lost 10 pounds. His doughy body has transformed into a more toned one that his parents will hardly recognize. He still has some of the child-like chubbiness in the face but he is in much better shape than when he first arrived. His cabin mates appear fit and more confident as well since their arrival at Camp Perlote. Milo has more confidence and is eager to take more chances in the challenging daily activities. Brandon is much calmer and less aggressive. Vern is especially thankful for this since he is usually Brandon's 'punching bag'. They all look impressive in their camp attire. New shirts were ordered just for this occasion. Whoever designed the yellow polo shirts did an amazing job. The counselors have improved their communications skills and a few are humbled by the experience of managing and molding young minds.
Then reality sets in when a familiar voice yells for their attention.
"Listen up you little misfits! You've come a long way from the whiny, crying little nuisances your parents dropped off earlier this summer. They seem so love you so much, they were confident this experience was the best thing for you. Why? I have no idea. If it were up to me, I would have given up on you when you started talking. Well, today, you're in luck; your mommies and daddies, who have taken a liking to you, are returning to pick up your sorry asses. So let's see if you have learned anything that would impress them and make them feel it's been money well spent."
Kris calls out as he stands at attention with his cabin mates.
"Hey! Wait a minute! You can't call us misfits anymore. We're rehabilitated!"
Vern chimes in to agree.
"Yeah!"
Gunderson turns toward the Cabin 'B' 'Gumfish' and a maniacal crooked grin forms across his face.
"Ooh…it's a comment from one of my favorite cabin mutants. Okay, let's find out if you've learned anything…"
Brandon whispers to Kris.
"Oh boy, you've done it now, Skywalker. We're never gonna get out of this slimy mud hole."
Vern agrees.
"Yeah, we're doomed. Thanks for nothin', Kris."
Kris watches as his three cabin mates turn on him. He looks at Milo.
"Any last words, Milo?"
Milo sighs wistfully.
"I just wanna go home."
Gunderson yells out at them.
"Are you girls finished negotiating before I ask 'Gumfish' Skywalker a question that may or may not adversely affect the group?"
Kris lifts his chin in assured defiance. He is prepared for anything 'Hartless Wolf Gunderblast' has for him and his friends.
"I'm ready, sir."
"Yeah…I bet you are. Okay…Give me three tenets of the Jedi Order."
Gunderson listens as he paces in front of the campers from each cabin. Kris speaks clearly for all the campers to hear.
"The Jedi are the guardians of civilization, yet do not allow civilization to destroy needlessly.
"A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for aggression or personal gain."
"A Jedi must protect the weak and defenseless from evil."
The humorless drill sergeant stares down Milo, Brandon, and Vern. He walks pass the Cabin 'C' 'Grain Maggots' and then back to the 'Gumfish.' Milo nervously wipes beads of perspiration from his forehead and adjusts his round-framed eyeglasses. Milo's thick dark hair sticks to his face. Gunderson notices his physical condition.
"What's wrong with you, Pulkkinen?" Everyone is surprised that Gunderson remembers any of the camper's real names.
"I think I'm going to faint." Milo's knees begin to buckle.
Gunderson raises his right eyebrow. The eyebrow appears to have a mind of its own. If Milo was not so nervous right now, he would laugh…so would Vern. Fortunately, Vern cannot see this amusing feature from where he is standing or else he would be in big trouble. Gunderson leans in close to Milo, who can smell Gunderson's breath, which gives off a hint of Whyren's Reserve and peppermint.
"Don't you pass out on me, boy! I've got to hand you back to your parents intact. I don't need a lawsuit just because you bumped your egghead and broke those ice cubes you call eyeglasses!"
Vern cannot resist and giggles. He makes a joke under his breath while trying to keep his head down lest he incur the wrath of Gunderson's next outburst.
"He probably can't keep count of the lawsuits he has. Heh-heh…"
Brandon also giggles quietly before quickly slapping Vern in the back of the head. Vern scowls.
"Oww… You said you weren't gonna do that anymore."
"It's our last day at camp together. Consider it a farewell slap. Geez, I'm gonna miss you… All too easy."
Brandon whispers to himself.
"Please don't faint, Milo. Please don't."
The Specter of Master Qui-Gon Jinn places his hand against Milo's back to hold him up. Qui-Gon smiles at Kris and gives him a reassuring wink. Master Mace Windu sits on a nearby meditation bench under a tree. He watches Milo's facial expression change and calls out to Qui-Gon:
'Hey, looks like little 'Poindexter' is gonna hurl! 'Sergeant Carter's' getting on my last nerve and I'm tempted to do something non-Jedi in a minute if he doesn't get off this boy's case.'
Gunderson thinks he hears someone talking but it is only a loose twig on a tree twisting in the breeze. The twig makes a crackling sound as it spins wildly. Gunderson looks up. He wonders where the sudden breeze is coming from since there was no mention of a storm in the weather forecast. Kris waves his hand and the wind stops. Obi-Wan taught him that trick a year ago but he never got it as perfect as he has right now. There is a smile of satisfaction on his face. Kris has saved his friends from a final tongue-lashing from Gunderson. He performs one more little mind trick.
"He needs water, Sergeant." All the campers, even the counselors are stunned when Kris addresses the sergeant.
Gunderson blinks a few times then shouts to the counselors.
"Hey, 'Jokeman' Tripper, get this boy some water!"
Gar Tripper hurries to a nearby refreshment table set up for the speakers on the stage. He grabs a bottle of Gallo Mountain Spring Water. He breaks the seal and splashes some of it on Milo's face.
"Here you go, kid. Now drink the rest. Feeling better?"
Milo nods 'yes'.
Gar pats Milo gently on his face.
"That's what I want to hear. You'll be fine. That bottle of water costs 10 credits. No pressure, just letting you know…" Gar returns to his fellow counselors in their seating area as they wait for the program to begin.
Gunderson gets back on track with his query for Kris.
"Does everyone agree with Skywalker's answers? I see many of you were hesitant to respond. Well, he was correct."
Vern and the others from Cabin 'B' applaud their 'leader'
"Yea! Good answer…good answer."
Gunderson responds.
"The third tenet makes me think of the three girls in his group…the weak and defenseless, and the stupid." He looks across the rows of all eight cabins represented at the ceremony. The members from Cabin 'H' giggle.
"I don't know what's so funny; Cabin 'H'…Out of the 8 cabins, Yours…is in last place! Hell! I didn't even have to change the order of your cabin from bad to worst. Yours…is obviously the worst. I have evidently failed you; but since you're here standing before me today, you're an improvement from the first day you set foot on these campgrounds. That doesn't mean much, you pitiful bag of worms! You bunch of bones failed every obstacle course, hiking mission, and tactical exercise since you got here. That's why you've been called 'Manticores'…a bunch of mixed up bones. Ol' 'chub-chub' Arfsten performed better than your whole cabin! But, leave it to their leader, the 'Gumfish' were a surprise to us all. So, listen up, you rejects in cabin 'A' and all of you space worms in cabins 'C' through 'H', This is an example of how well you can do when you're motivated, and your daddy is head of the Galactic Armed Forces. Thank you, Mr. Skywalker."
Vern counts on his fingers.
'Weak and defenseless', deranged', and 'stupid.' He counts four. There is a confused expression on his face.
Gunderson rolls his eyes.
"Looks like 'Gumfish' Skywalker saved the day...again! I bet cabins 'A' and all of you in 'C' through 'H' wish they had Skywalker as their team leader. He makes sure no one is left behind. A real savior he is. That's the kind of soldier we want in the Galactic military. Hell, he'd save my ass…he saved your counselor over there." Gunderson points in the direction of the counselors and then raises his voice. "Isn't that right, 'Counselor Surfer'?" He looks up at the sky. His sergeant's/campaign hat remains firmly on his head. He resembles a bird of prey listening for his dinner.
Johnny Cooha'ki responds even if he is a bit embarrassed.
"Sir, Yes sir!"
"That's right! He saved 'Counselor Surfer's sorry ass."
Gunderson walks away.
The 'Amazing Cabin 'B' Boys: 'Sea Hog', 'Whitefang', 'Goggles', and 'Fieldhopper' have made it to the end of their camp 'tour-of-duty'. Vern whispers to Kris who takes his position back in the line.
"Hey, weren't we supposed to get some sort of prize for giving the right answer?"
Brandon turns to him.
"Shut up, Vern!"
Parents and guests arrive. Ushers escort them to their seats. They have missed the fine supportive words from Sergeant Gunderson. The ceremony begins. Gunderson stands at attention and salutes. The counselors look around as a familiar tune fills the campgrounds. Remote marching is heard. The vibration of the marching is felt throughout the valley. It grows louder as the music builds.
Anakin Skywalker walks up the aisle flanked by two lines of his 501st Legion. He wears his old Jedi cloak over a navy suit, a light blue pinstripe shirt and red tie with the; New Republic emblem printed on it. Gunderson salutes him as they arrive at the front of the audience. Vern and the other boys in the camp are impressed. Vern whispers to Brandon.
"I wonder if he's gonna force choke Gunderson before the ceremony ends. That would be awesome." The other boys within earshot giggle as Vern grasps his own throat pretending to struggle.
Gunderson steps to the side as Anakin reviews the senior staff. He takes a deep breath. There is a slight smile of confidence as Gunderson whispers to Otto Hasse.
"Well, Corporal Hasse, this is it. I can finally look forward to getting off this kiddie detention detail and return to command my regular troops again."
"Good for you, sir. It's well-deserved, I must say."
"The Dark Lord should be pleased that his little brat got through this."
"If I may say so, Sergeant, you've done an excellent job."
"Thank you, Corporal."
All appears to go well so far. Gunderson salutes Anakin again as soon as the Dark Lord completes his inspection of the senior staff. The two men talk.
"It's a good day, sir. It's an excellent day! I trust that our staff meets with your approval, sir."
"It has. They seem quite capable."
"They are the finest team one could ever request on a detail such as this, sir. Moreover, may I say, sir, it has been a pleasure serving in your military. Your leadership is second to none, sir. I might add, sir, that your son, in particular, has demonstrated exemplary leadership since his arrival. He has formed a questionable group of boys into three outstanding youths who should go on to serve the galaxy well."
Vern watches as Gunderson speaks. He can hear some of what the Sergeant is saying. He begins to giggle.
"Hey, guys, we're 'yoots'! Heh…heh…heh!"
Brandon elbows Vern sharply in his side. Losing some weight during his camp stay has made him more sensitive to pain.
"Ow! Ma-aaan! That hurt!"
Brandon scolds him.
"Shhh! Cut it out or I'll do it again."
Gunderson continues to walk with Anakin, making sure he is a few steps behind the Dark Lord.
"Would you like to review the 'troops', sir?"
Anakin lets Gunderson take the lead. He slowly walks pass the campers from the 'A' to 'H' cabins. His pace slows as he approaches Kris and the rest of the crew from 'Gumfish'. Kris has indeed grown a bit and he definitely shows signs of being an excellent leader. Gunderson is right about this assessment. Anakin abruptly turns away from the campers but he does not look directly at Gunderson.
"Very good, Sergeant. You may begin the program."
"Yes, sir. Thank you." Gunderson stands with his hands laced at his back. He clears his throat. "Sir …first, I would like you to meet our amazing group of camp counselors. They have come from the finest universities across the galaxy and have given up their summer to help guide these impressionable young boys."
Anakin listens quietly and then looks across the crowd at the counselor staff.
"That would be good. I would like that."
Gunderson smiles proudly and leads the way. He introduces Anakin to the team of counselors. The young college students are dressed in their yellow team polo shirts, jackets, and cargo shorts. The Perlote navy blue camp logo is embroidered on the left breast pocket of their polo shirts as well as the jackets. Their attire is similar to that of the campers with one exception; the counselors have the words 'staff' and 'counselor' above the logo. Anakin walks by and nods to counselors as Gunderson boasts about them. The counselors remember to salute the Commander of the Galactic Forces. There is no mention about how a few of the counselors were forced to work at the camp because of academic probation, school infractions (i.e. fraternity parties and hazing), or just in need of financial aid. If a student requires financial aid and completes the camp assignment in good standing, the debt is considered paid in full.
The 501st marching theme has changed to soft background music. Even this musical interlude cannot prepare anyone for what happens next.
There is a sudden disturbance in the Force. Someone arrives late to the ceremony that gets the attention of every camp counselor. It is evident that the Dark Lord is not the focus right now. It is Ana-Lena Skywalker.
Ana-Lena Skywalker arrives wearing a pink pique cotton suit with a white silk chemise with capped sleeves. Her dark hair is pulled into a chignon ponytail. Her blue eyes are striking like her father's eyes. Her flawless beauty requires no make-up. She proceeds up the aisle and enters the first row, unescorted. One of the 501st Legion soldiers originally accompanies her but she quickly disposes of the annoying 'white shadow' by force hitting him prior to entering the commencement area. The unfortunate storm trooper, unable to get up, struggles on the ground. Ana-Lena promptly takes a seat beside her mother whose attire is equally as stunning as her daughter's is. Isabel pretends not to notice her lateness and continues to look straight ahead at the group of graduating campers.
The counselors nudge one another and begin preening themselves like varactyls during mating season. Some of them anticipate the chance of meeting this mysterious girl.
Johnny Cooha'ki flips his blond beach-boy hair, trying to get her attention. Ana-Lena pretends not to notice any of the besotted counselors. Luckily, Anakin has continued on his inspection of the remaining camp staff with Sergeant Gunderson. He knows what the 'disturbance' is and will deal with it later.
The counselors begin whispering amongst themselves. They elbow one another.
"Who is that? Who's the babe?"
"I don't know but she is gorgeous…with a capital 'G'."
"What's she doing here?"
"I don't know but she's hot as a Mustafar fire storm."
Gar Tripper whispers in response.
"You know, it would be hilarious if she's related to one of our little campers."
"What little misfit could she possibly be related to here?"
"Does Gunderson have any daughters?"
Adrian Pontmercy, one of the other counselors, quips.
"Right…any daughter of his would resemble a gundark."
They have a good laugh and then get back into position, standing at attention.
Anakin finishes his inspection.
Gunderson makes a suggestion.
"I was thinking, sir...It would be an honor if you would say a few words to our campers. I believe whatever you say will be highly inspirational."
"Actually, I have only come as a parent to support my son; but thank you."
"As you wish, sir."
Gunderson escorts him to his seat and immediately salutes before he makes his way to the stage.
Gunderson steps up to the podium and welcomes the parents and guests. He after a brief speech about the camp and its mission, the sergeant introduces each cabin team. A member from each cabin gives a report and speech about their assigned activities during their camp stay. Kris is elected by Cabin 'B' to present their report. He introduces Kris last as a ploy to impress the Dark Lord:
"And now, I present the leader for Cabin 'B', Kriztan Skywalker."
There is applause from the audience as Kris makes his way to the stage and stands at the podium.
"Trustees, Perlote Camp staff, family, friends, and fellow graduates, today is a day to be thankful and to be inspired. This summer at Camp Perlote has been one filled with many learning experiences. My cabin mates and I have learned to work as a team to solve problems. A common goal has helped each of us. We didn't always understand one another and we didn't always agree…It's a lot like being in my family. We end up making each other stronger. We also learned that by using our combined talents, we could plan better and win tactical competitions. My Dad taught me that…I'm sure he thought I wasn't paying attention but I was, even when he's yelling. He does that a lot. All the counselors encouraged us to be better. We even saved a few of them, which was fun for us but it was a little humiliating for them. It taught us both something…The older guys know a lot but they should never underestimate us younger kids. I want to thank Sergeant Gunderson for the cool nicknames. I wonder if he sits up all night thinking up awful stuff to call us during roll call each morning. It must be one of those reverse psychology tactics; the kind they use in the military but modified for use on us kids to scare us. I feel a lot better about myself because I was not afraid and I knew what I had to do to complete this program. Thanks, Sergeant. From your favorite Cabin 'B' 'misfits': 'Sea Hog', 'White Fang', 'Goggles, 'and 'Fieldhopper.'
There is chatter in the audience, especially from the parents. Some can be heard reacting the reference to the, now infamous nicknames. Many of the parents immediately glance at the commencement programs. Several appear concerned and wonder if sending their child to this camp was the right decision. Gunderson takes a nervous gulp. There is silence, and then suddenly, thunderous applause. He pats his brow with his handkerchief. Vern blows a finger whistle. The applause is not for Gunderson. It is for Kris and all of the campers at Camp Perlote.
Ana-Lena digs in her purse and pulls out her phone. She looks at the display. It is her friend and schoolmate Pepper-Ann. Anakin glares at her. She promptly turns off the phone and puts it away then begins to applaud as if she had been listening the entire time. She was listening.
Anakin has never been prouder of his youngest child as he is today.
Someone is snoring on the stage in the seating area designated for the trustees, staff and guest speaker. It is Master Yoda. He gets a nudge, which eventually startles him out of his momentary slumber. It is the specter of Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn. Another specter, Master Mace Windu, accompanies him.
'Hey! Wake up, you old fool!'
Members of the audience wonder why the aged Jedi Master is talking to himself. They surmise that he is almost 1000 years old so his behavior is accepted.
Sergeant Gunderson returns to the podium and introduces the keynote speaker. He is not a true supporter of the Jedi Order but he has come to an understanding during his employ at the camp. He must work with the Jedi to redirect troubled adolescents and young adults who are in danger of joining the Dark Side.
"As I mentioned in my opening remarks, Camp Perlote is not just a facility to guide a young boys' focus in the right direction; Camp Perlote encourages excellence, physical wellbeing, and courage to do things they previously have been afraid to try. As I quote our esteemed guest speaker, 'the deepest commitment…the most serious mind'. This motto describes perfectly what Camp Perlote is all about, yes sir. These words are displayed at the entrance to this fine camp and are posted across the campgrounds as well as on the door of each cabin as these boys venture out every morning to their assignments. It does not matter if you are a young Jedi or a young man who needs some guidance. We want to help develop the most serious minds and the deepest commitment. Now, our guest speaker has agreed to say a few congratulatory words to our campers. It gives me great pleasure to introduce the great Jedi Master Yoda who has set the curriculum for this camp to guide these youths to constructive lives. Let us welcome him now. Master Yoda!"
Gunderson leads the audience with applause. No one approaches the podium. Force Ghost Mace Windu knocks the gimmer stick from under the diminutive Jedi Master. Master Yoda almost tumbles to the floor. He catches himself just in time, then turns and squints at Windu with mock disdain.
Yoda makes his way up to the podium. It takes a few minutes. The familiar clicking of the gimmer stick against the stage platform has everyone anticipating what words of wisdom he will give to the campers and parents.
As he approaches the podium, a member of the staff adjusts the microphone and riser on the podium. Yoda repeatedly whacks the young staffer with the gimmer stick.
"Back…back...back!"
Gunderson presents Yoda again.
"Jedi Master Yoda, everyone!"
The audience applauds.
The ceremony seems to end with this closing speech from Master Yoda:
"Tests in life are taken many times. If Jedi you are…finish your training you must. At Camp Perlote, many answers you will find. Take them with you to help you in the future. Now, ready for home you are…to family, friends, and good times before school. Let this summer experience make you strong…okay, done I am with this speech. Just stay out of trouble. Crazy kids…"
At this point, the elderly Jedi master abruptly ends his speech and walks away from the podium. His gimmer stick clicks loudly again on the outdoor stage. This makes for an awkward moment, as there is a gap in the commencement program. A few moments of laughter come from the campers. Gunderson glances at the 'graduates' but he knows that he is powerless to say anything on this last day of camp. He announces to the audience that the campers will sing the Perlote Camp song before certificates are issued.
The valley is filled with the angelic voices of the 32 Perlote camper graduates.
Camp Perlote
On the bend of theLake Country;
lies a haven rare.
It's a place where Jedi and friends comes together,
Fellowship to share.
Chorus:
Camp Perlote, Camp Perlote,
On your trails we have found,
Caves full of mystery, it must surely be
Jedi's own camping ground.
In the mountains, on the trail, and through the valley,
Force Ghosts roam.
Scent of wood smoke, the taste of eopie sausages,
This is a camper's home.
We, the Campers, the Explorers, and the leaders,
Sing our praise to thee
For the fun, and the friends and the adventure
We derive from thee.
Suns so bright, and at night the star filled heavens,
Gives light tothe skies above.
Shelt'ring pines, gently whisp'ring in the breezes,
Bless this camp we love.
Chorus :
Camp Perlote, Camp Perlote,
On your trails we have found,
Caves full of mystery, it must surely be,
Jedi's own camping ground.
Anakin notices that Master Yoda is heading to a seat in the first row where he is sitting. Anakin leans over and whispers to him.
"Where do you think you're going? Don't you think you should hand out the certificates? These kids have been waiting all summer and you say five disjointed words and then wobble off the stage."
Yoda looks up at Anakin and makes one of his characteristic grimaces.
"Why, wish to do it yourself do you?"
"Nooo…I just think it would be an honor for them to receive their certificates from a seasoned Jedi master such as yourself."
Master Yoda lets out a heavy sigh.
"Walk back to the podium you think I should?"
"Listen, you old coot! Get back up there!" Anakin points in the direction of the stage. Yoda glances back at the stage, and then turns to Anakin. He rests his chin on the handle of his gimmer stick.
Master Yoda tries to flatter Anakin.
"Sure you don't want to do it? Speech from former sith could be an inspirational deterrent from the Dark Side and juvenile delinquency."
Yoda waits for a response from the Dark Lord. Anakin stares down at the aged Jedi master. Master Yoda grumbles. "Humph! Alright! Almost 1,000 years old I am and long walk up to podium for 'crazy kids' camp."
"These boys are not crazy. You're one of the founders of this camp. Get your wrinkled old ass back up there."
"Ask is all you had to do."
Yoda makes his way back to the stage waving his gimmer stick. He yells to Gunderson.
"Hold on! Hold on! Got to give out certificates." He approaches the podium again and a staffer readjusts the platform. "How many of these things must I give out today?"
The staffer is a former graduate of the program. He is barely 20 years old. The staffer wears a Padawan Jedi robe over his polo shirt and cargo shorts.
"We have 32 campers, Master Yoda."
"What? Oy! Okay, get this over, we must…32 campers…sheesh!"
Gunderson happy announces that Master Yoda will issue the camp certificates.
"Welcome back to the stage, Master Yoda. Thank you." He leans into the microphone. "This is a special treat, ladies and gentlemen. Let's give Master Yoda a round of applause."
The audience gives the Jedi master a standing ovation. Yoda soaks in the moment and smiles. He suddenly decides that he has enough admiration and gets onto the business of issuing certificates and awards.
"Okay…okay…sit down! Want to get out of here I do."
This comment draws laughter from the audience. A member of the staff assists handing out the awards. Yoda starts handing out the ribbons and etched kyber crystal plaques. He begins alphabetically. When he gets to the end of the 'A's' Vern approaches the podium.
"Arfsten!"
Vern gives an enthusiastic salute.
"Reporting for duty, sir, Master Yoda, sir!"
Yoda stares at the boy for a moment then speaks.
"Okay, tubby; congratulations…stay focused…don't get into trouble. Run around the HyperDrive a few times a week."
"Isn't that dangerous? That's the autobahn."
"Oh…okay, forget about that…eat less you should. Okay, here's your plaque. Here's your ribbon."
"Thank you! Wow, this is cool! You know, I lost weight. The ribbon is for physical fitness." Vern grins then waves out into the audience to his parents and points to his certificate and ribbon. He remembers that he has a camera in his pocket and quickly takes a selfie with Master Yoda. The Jedi Master is taken by surprise and the final image proves it. Obi-Wan Kenobi will eventually see the hologram and confess that it is the funniest thing he has ever seen. One of the trustees gestures for Vern to leave the stage. Vern nods. He is so excited about this moment that he fails to watch where he is going.
He almost stumbles as he nears the steps leaving the stage. There are gasps of horror from the audience as Vern actually trips down the steps. He lands facedown in the grass. Gar Tripper hurries over to make sure he is all right. Val Cowey follows him. Suddenly Vern's hand goes up like an arm rising from a grave. He is still holding on to his certificate and ribbon. Both items are intact. "Look! It didn't crack! This is good stuff!"
Yoda rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Hopeless." Vern returns to the seating area for the graduates. Yoda continues issuing certificates. He finishes calling names from 'B' to 'G' and is now at the 'H's'.
"Brandon Hexum!" There is no response. Yoda calls out the name again. "Brandon Hexum!" He yells louder the third time. "Brandon Hexum!"
Brandon hears Yoda calling his name. His fellow campers whisper to him to go up to the stage to receive his award. Brandon hesitates for a reason but no one is certain why.
Brandon is looking out into the audience for his father. His mother is in the audience. She regretfully shrugs her shoulders. She warned her son upon receipt of the invitation that his father may not make it. Mr. Hexum has been away from home several times a week during the summer. The seat next to Mrs. Hexum is empty. Brandon looks sad as he finally approaches the stage. He is thinking that a sullen, drunken father is better than no father at all. Brandon decides it does not matter anymore. He quickens his pace as he arrives at the podium to receive his award.
"Here!"
Yoda appears annoyed at first.
"Come on, all day we don't have. Congratulations…Here is your certificate…Good job…award ribbon for self-discipline…be good…don't stab anyone."
Brandon does not mind the stabbing remark from Yoda. He has been working on his anger issues and physical violence. He does not want to be like his father. Still, it would be nice to share this moment with his father. Perhaps this experience would change things between them. He will never know.
"Thank you, Master Yoda." Brandon tries to appear happy but he feels like crying. He manages to maintain his composure after releasing a heavy sigh as he focuses on receiving his certificate and award.
Yoda looks into the boy's eyes. He senses the boy's sadness. His next remark is heartfelt as he speaks to him away from the microphone.
"Good luck, Brandon. Let no one say you are not good enough. Good enough you are. People like you and care about you."
Brandon nods, acknowledging Mater Yoda's reassuring words. The boy is shaken as Yoda continues to calm him so no one sees that he is upset.
Brandon leaves the stage. The seat next to Mrs. Hexum is still empty. Brandon returns to his seat. Vern whispers to him.
"Your Dad didn't show, huh?"
Brandon is quiet, almost reflective. Vern braces himself for a slap on the head or a stinging elbow to the ribs. It does not happen. Brandon keeps his eyes on his certificate. If he looks up, he is afraid he will cry.
"It doesn't matter anymore." He glides his hand gently across the kyber crystal certificate. This is the best thing he has ever received. He is proud of this. He usually receives letters from the headmaster's office at school for fighting or not doing his homework. After-school detention became a weekly ritual. Vern looks at him.
"But you got a cool certificate and it was handed to you by one of the greats. You know, your dad has bigger issues than you ever will. He has a drinking problem. You're a choir boy compared to him." Vern wipes the grass and soil from his own certificate.
Brandon is barely listening because out in the audience he sees his father who has just taken the empty seat next to Mrs. Hexum. Mr. Hexum and Brandon make eye contact. Brandon smiles when his father gives his son a 'thumbs-up' sign. Brandon blinks. His eyes well up but he is not sad. Vern looks at him.
"Gee, Bran, I didn't mean to bum you out about your dad…sorry."
"It's cool, Vern…really. I'm okay." His voice is suddenly upbeat as he nods. Vern has no idea what has happened.
During the summer when Kris had not heard from his own father, he sends a letter telling Anakin about his cabin mates and Brandon's father, in particular. Anakin pays a visit to Lars Hexum. The two men have a long conversation. Anakin does most of the talking and suggests that the elder Hexum get his life together, if not for himself, for the sake of his son. Today, Lars Hexum arrives at his son's camp commencement sober, non-combative, humble, and dressed in a new suit. He is a sharp contrast from the father that Brandon described earlier during the Cabin 'B'confession chat.
Master Yoda is soon issuing certificates for the campers with names beginning with the letter 'P'.
"Milo Pulkkinen-!"
Milo arrives on stage before Yoda finishes pronouncing his name. It startles the old Jedi Master.
"Whoa! Fast one you are. Okay, here is your ribbon. Here is your certificate I see great strength and courage in you. Don't let fear gain power over you. Good job."
"Thank you, Master Yoda."
"Okay, you can go. Other campers waiting. Scoot!"
"Okay….wow…" Milo happily accepts his awards. He holds it up in awe. This is better than all of the academic awards he has ever won in school. He is the smartest boy in his school be he was afraid of everything. This summer camp experience has been good for him. Master Yoda gently nudges him off the stage with the gimmer stick. Milo finally leaves the stage. He and his cabin mates show off their certificates to one another.
Master Yoda is relieved to reach the last several names on the list. He only has a few 'S's and Kris is the last of them. Yoda announces his name with pride.
"Kriztan Skywalker!"
Kriztan Skywalker approaches the stage with the gravitas of a true Jedi. He is serious and respectful as he greets Master Yoda with a Jedi bow. Yoda is pleased with what he sees.
"Mind what you have learned. Save you it can. Excellent work, young Skywalker. True leader you are. New friends you have with strong bond…always. Award in Leadership, Award in Loyalty, Award in Friendship, Award in Bravery, Award in Strategic Planning. Congratulations."
"Thank you, Master Yoda."
"May the Force be with you, young Skywalker."
"And also with you, Master."
"Carry all these awards can you?"
"I believe I can manage, Master Yoda." Kris leaves the stage with his arms full of his awards.
Anakin is proud of his son today. He was always proud of him, especially for wanting to stand up for Miss DiPesto. He applauds as Kris receives his certificate and his honors award for leadership.
Anakin greets the other parents and staff at the conclusion of the ceremony. He introduces them to his wife and Ana-Lena. Ana-Lena is aware that the camp counselors are gawking at her. She pretends not to notice.
There is a reception immediately afterwards in a white tent. Waiters mingle through the crowd carrying trays of hors 'oeuvres. This is when Johnny Cooha'ki decides to make his move to speak to Ana-Lena. She is standing at the refreshment buffet across from the reception tent.
Johnny runs his fingers through his hair one last time and fluffs it. The other counselors are close by.
"Guys, prepare to be impressed. This is how you get the girls."
Gar Tripper watches Johnny. He has doubts.
"What makes you so special, Ha'ki?"
"Charm, gentlemen, charm. Something you'll never have, Tripper."
"I've always accepted my limitations."
Johnny winks then proceeds to walk over towards the buffet table. The image is similar to a slow motion scene. Johnny flashes his gleaming white teeth. His confidence swells. He is almost within reaching distance of his target. He begins to speak.
"Welcome to Camp Perlote. What brings you here today?"
Just like the horrific sound of a scratched record, a 'dragon-bird' appears and destroys the moment.
Kris walks over and stands between his sister and Johnny.
"Gee, Ana-Le, you actually came to see me at camp? You're wearing a suit and everything."
"Well, I have to make you look good little Bro. I have an image to keep up."
"Well…Dad wants to see you 'image' right now."
"Really?"
"Really."
Johnny is dumbfounded. He recovers and tries again.
"I don't believe it…you're…oh, wow…I had no idea. Your little brother is a sweet kid. Everyone likes him."
Johnny reaches over and touches Kris on the head. Kris cringes and steps away. Ana-Lena can immediately tell that Johnny has been less than kind to her brother. She smiles knowingly.
"He is a sweet kid. Excuse me, we have to go; our father is calling us."
"Ohh…then you're…Well, your dad is a super amazing man. I can't wait to meet him…personally, that is."
"I'm sure you will. Well, I've got to go."
Ana-Lena leaves with her brother. Johnny finds himself in an awkward position. He is alone at the buffet table.
Gar folds his arms across his chest as Johnny slowly returns to the group. Johnny looks dejected. Gar smiles.
"Well?"
"Who knew? The little monster has a hot sister."
"Did you at least get her phone number?"
"Hey! That's a good idea, Trip. You're not as dumb as you look."
Johnny looks for another opportunity to speak to Ana-Lena. He finds her standing off to the side reading her phone messages. She is giggling as she responds to a text message from Pepper-Ann MacAhoney who is inquiring about the camp ceremony. Ana-Lena responds to the text:
"I've got company…" Ana-Lena looks up from her phone. It is Johnny. "Oh, it's you again." She does not seem impressed.
Johnny clears his throat and begins to speak. He is not as relaxed this time as he searches for the right words to say to her.
"Yeah…so…uhm…I know that this is your brother's day and all but I just wanted to know if I could call you some time."
"Really?"
"Sure."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"No? See, I was hoping I could ask you out… when I'm on Coruscant of course. Are you seeing anyone…you can tell me."
"Ohhh…you're so sweet."
Meanwhile, Gar and the rest of the guys are looking at their E-Pads to get information on Ana-Lena Skywalker. They locate some general news information. Suddenly they each shut off their E-pads. There is no longer interest in pursuing the 'Princess Skywalker.' Gar finds the situation humorous but then he decides that he and the others must save Johnny from himself.
"Guys, we have to tell him."
Val Qel-Droma, another counselor, has a different opinion.
"Can't we just watch? He's been such a tool all summer. I'm actually waiting for the big 'Force-choke' of the millennia."
"It's not right….I mean, as much as we'd love to see him suffer a bit, and he may well deserve it…we have to put a stop to it."
Gar waves to Johnny to get his attention. Johnny intentionally ignores him and continues his conversation with Ana-Lena. He believes that the other counselors are envious of him for making contact with the daughter of the Dark Lord. Meanwhile, Anakin and Isabel are speaking to Sergeant Gunderson, a few board members from the committee on Jedi Temple Youth Activities and Intervention. Master Yoda joins them. Anakin is distracted by what he sees in the distance. Yoda senses something and then decides to intervene. He assures Anakin.
"Worry not. Got this I have."
Johnny is still obsessed with his hair. He runs his fingers through it and then flips it while he continues his conversation with Ana-Lena. She listens to him but finds his narcissistic behavior annoying. He is trying to get a date with her.
"So, I was thinking that we could get together during semester break. What school do you attend? Tell me; what will it take? I'll even spend quality time with your little brother…"
Suddenly, a voice comes out of nowhere. Johnny feels the sting of a gimmer stick.
"Back away! No need to know school she attends. Jailbait! Live a long life you wish?"
"Owh!" Johnny flinches. Hey! She never told me!"
"Stay away beach bum!"
"But I...I…"
"Back away! Back away! Has this summer taught you nothing? College boys…still too dumb to learn."
Ana-Lena has since walked away from the fray. She is on her phone again
"Hey, Pep…yeah! Hah…hah…hah! It's absolutely awesome out here. Yes! This place is crawling with college guys…from where? All over, of course! It's ridiculous! I know. My father would kill them. Are you kidding? One just asked me out…on a date! Do you believe it? What do you mean what did I say?...I mean, I thought it was cool to be asked but I wasn't going to say 'Yes.' Actually, they're all kind of cute…in a nerfy sort of way. All I can say is this is a great place to meet boys…and you know what? Getting into trouble this year was the best thing my brother has ever done….for anyone!...Yeah…he gave a speech today…do you believe that? I never knew he could talk! …You know what I mean. Next year? Pep! He can't get into trouble again…well, maybe he could but my father would be pissed. I think this camp is a one-time deal. If you don't make it through the first time, it's reform school after that. He got an extra achievement award and some other stuff…I don't remember…'honorable bravery in the face of the Dark Side' or something…anyway, it's a pretty impressive award. He received a ton of awards. My Dad almost cried. A project? Sure…we'll have to think of something good…like a charity event. That's the only way my father will support it. He's all about giving back and helping the downtrodden. He reminds us that he used to be poor and so we need to be mindful of the misfortunes of others. That's why I do all that charity work at the old age home…Oops! I gotta go…He's giving me the 'Look' from across the way. I hate it when he does that…I just wish he wasn't so sneaky about it. It's like…he always knows what I'm talking about, Pep. It's an invasion of privacy, that's what it is! Listen, we'll talk later. I've got to go see what he's eyeballing me about now. Okay…bye."
Ana-Lena walks over to her brother before she rejoins her father.
"So, how does it feel to be the cool kid for once?"
"I think I liked it before when everyone was worried about me and didn't know what to do with me. All of a sudden people think I have the answers to the galaxy."
"Grownups are a pain in the ass."
"I know. What's with them?"
"Well, promise me you'll always stay my little brother. I can't handle it if you grow up…dispensing words of wisdom to everyone."
"I'll see what I can do."
"Anyway, you have no answers to what is happening in the galaxy. That's Dad's area of expertise."
"Why are you spending so much time talking to me? Are you avoiding, Dad?"
"Can't you take a compliment without questioning my motives?"
"Somehow, the way you say it, it doesn't sound like a compliment. Dad's waiting for you."
Meanwhile, Sergeant Gunderson has a one-to-one chat with the Dark Lord.
"Sir, I just want to say it has been a pleasure and an honor working here at this fine facility and guiding your son and these other boys to the path of righteousness. Your son is going to develop into a fine young man."
"I'm glad to hear your words of confidence, Sergeant."
"Working at this camp has been a great learning experience, sir. I will take what I have learned back to the ranks at my battalion. I know my men need me there."
"Oh, well, Sergeant, I'm impressed with your work here. I know that you were expecting to return to your enlistees, but I am so impressed with your work here at the camp that I think this is the right fit for you. Therefore, I'm renewing your contract. You'll be with Camp Perlote another year."
Gunderson blinks and clears his throat. He is speechless.
"Uhm…"
Anakin pats the Sergeant on the shoulder.
"Great work, Sergeant." He leans in close to Gunderson's right ear. "Oh, and Sergeant, remember that this is a camp for children. Whyren's Reserve is forbidden on the premises. If I were you, I would dispose of any 'reserves' you may have immediately if you wish to remain employed here. Pray I don't alter our little arrangement. Camp Perlote is heaven compared to where you could be right now." Anakin turns away, smiles, and greets more parents in the reception tent.
Few knew that the assignment at Camp Perlote was punishment for an incident involving one of the draftees. Gunderson apparently pushed the soldier to the point of a meltdown.
In the dead of night, Private First Class Rick Poppel steals an N-412 Heavy Repeating Saboteur heavy blaster pistol and obliterates 15 stormtroopers who were guarding the barracks. The troopers were unprepared for the assault as they were only issued standard blaster pistols. Poppel, who Gunderson nicknamed 'Private Popover' because of his weight, is sent to the psychiatric division of Belsavis prison. Gunderson was scheduled for an unceremonious demotion unless he accepted the position on Naboo at Camp Perlote.
Anakin has another motive to keep Gunderson on Naboo; He wants Gunderson as far away from Tarkin and the top brass until military changes are in full effect across the galaxy. Gunderson is one of Tarkin and Tagge's stalwart supporters and would do anything they wanted done…including sabotage of the new military reforms.
From Gunderson's point of view, being stationed at Camp Perlote is a fate worse than death. Anakin likes the idea that Gunderson can scare a group of adolescents away from the 'dark side' of delinquency. He also knows that he can scare Gunderson and this is where he has control over the veteran drill sergeant.
Brandon shows his father his certificate and ribbons. Mr. Hexum beams as he glides his hand across the kyber crystal certificate. He is proud of his son. Suddenly, he looks up and sees Anakin among the other parents gathered in the reception tent. The two men make eye contact. Lars Hexum smiles and raises the certificate. Anakin acknowledges him. Lars then affectionately puts his arm around his son as Mrs. Hexum takes a hologram of them.
Kris and his new friends from Cabin 'B' promise to keep in touch. This has been an amazing summer for each of them. Anakin enjoys the opportunity of meeting the members of Cabin 'B'. Vern is especially thrilled when he asks to take a selfie with the Dark Lord. Vern's parents are mortified that their son would dare to make such a request. Anakin decides a group hologram with all the parents and campers would be even better. Everyone is relieved. Vern, Brandon, Milo, and Kris take their own group hologram; and to coin a popular word from Kris…Vern cheers, 'This is Awesome!'
Anakin gathers his family to prepare for the trip home. He has a surprise in store for Kris but the also has some matters to discuss with Master Yoda.
Corporal Hasse quickly follows Gunderson out of the reception tent. Gunderson blows off a few parents who want to thank him for his work with their children. He is not interested in conversing with them.
"So, is it true, sir? You'll be here next year?"
"Dagnabit dark sith SOB thinks he's going to keep me here! Hasse!"
"Right here, sir."
"Get Tarkin on the phone! I need to speak to him A-SAP!"
"Yes, sir!"
"Meet me in the mess hall and bring the flask."
"Oh, sir, you just told me to get rid of it."
"What?!"
"I poured it down the drain, sir."
"God, how I hate the New Republic!" He angrily walks away.