Not hers
Author's note: Soooo...anyone curious about how Rey's date went? Or how a certain someone handled it?
She is crossing the hotel lobby when she sees him.
He is surrounded by a small group of people many of which Rey remembers from yesterday. They are some of the acquaintances Ben had taken the time to introduce to her. He is standing by some exhibits of modern art that the hotel is hosting, in deep discussion as always with a man that Rey remembers as the head of Kuat's manufacturing shipyards. Ben is dressed casually in a white collar shirt, charcoal pants and matching overcoat and has a wide leather belt with a blaster strapped to it, from what Rey can tell. He looks as impressive and sharp as always despite the weapon hidden in his clothes and she can't help but feel a little unneeded at the thought that he can manage to protect himself without her. A little further away are two of his most trusted guards standing in rigid attention with their hands clasped in front of them and eyes scanning the lobby.
Rey halts a few paces from them and waves hello. They nod back in that crisp, stiff way that always makes her laugh and she wonders for a moment if she should walk up to Ben and do the same thing. But he is seemingly engrossed in his discussions and after last night's parting she isn't particularly inclined to do that. Rey believes she has tolerated his mood swings long enough. And besides, Jeff is already waiting for her by a shuttle outside the hotel.
Loud laughter circles Ben's company and Rey is surprised to see that he has joined in, even with something as simple as a light chuckle. A beautiful woman who stands next to him dressed in dashing white says something and he leans in to listen.
That's when Ben sees her.
Rey looks away when she feels his eyes on her. She straightens the folds on the simple green tunic that falls over her dark blue leggings and sets a wisp of hair behind her ear. She can feel her gestures are unsure and slightly clumsy, but she barely ever wears any other color besides beige and brown and she hasn't let her hair down in months. Perhaps this wasn't the day to start experimenting with her looks.
But she is going out to have fun. With Jeff. There's nothing wrong with trying to look like a normal human for once.
But Ben's eyes remain on her for a moment or ten and suddenly she's not feeling so sure anymore. Maybe these colors look awful on her. Maybe the green she picked doesn't match her eyes the way she had thought. And her hair… She should have pulled it up in her customary buns, instead of letting it down. It's so long and plain and always gets in her way. Especially if it gets windy.
Her heart sags. She looks nothing like the stylish and sophisticated women that are in his company. And Ben knows that as well. He is the one who ordered a closet full of clothes for her, after all.
Rey tries not to look at the man that stands out amongst his company, quiet but imposing, and seemingly indifferent to the attention he gathers. But it's just so damn hard.
"You look lovely."
Rey quickly tears her gaze away to look at Jeff. He's standing just a couple of paces away with that hear-warming smile spread wide on his face.
And he's offering her a small bouquet of lilies.
Rey's eyes widen.
How did he know I love flowers so much?
She's fairly certain she's barely talked about herself to him. She makes it a point never to let anyone know a thing about her.
"Thank you." Is all she can think to say, bringing the fragrant bouquet to her nose because damn does she love flowers…
She steals a quick glance at Ben who has averted his eyes and is listening to an older man say something about Fathier racing, as he frowns and chews on his lip.
"Are you ready to go?" Jeff asks pleasantly.
Rey nods.
Ben hasn't looked in her direction again.
Strolling around Canto Bight next to Jeff turns out to be great fun just like she expected it to be. It feels so relaxing not to have her guard up the whole time wondering if she'll bear some kind of an attack either from Ben or a potential assassin. The city is very picturesque with its buildings made of stone and its narrow roads. Jeff is sweet and pleasant and has taken her for frozen flavored milk and a delicious luncheon in one of the city's most known restaurants. She has talked and laughed and had an absolute marvelous time.
There is no reason for Rey to feel the way she does.
Jeff has even taken her on a small cruise at the city's waterfalls. Probably the one Ben had offered to take her, she can't help but think, and the sight had been absolutely breathtaking as the sun's last rays sparkled in the running waters. Rey had found herself closing her eyes and enjoying the mist settling lightly on her skin and lashes. Had felt the warmth of Jeff's hand on the small of her back and his soft voice mumbling in her ear.
Rey has enjoyed all this.
There is no reason whatsoever for her to feel the way she does.
It is late in the evening when they return to the hotel. The sky is a deep violet color and the planet's large moons are just beginning to rise. The bars and the casinos are full of life and Rey feels splendid exhaustion taking over her body. Jeff is standing very close to her and she feels something has shifted in the way they see each other. And Rey believes it should feel good after such a lovely day and doesn't understand why it weights her so.
"I hope you had a good time."
He looks at her almost affectionately and sets a wisp of hair behind her ear.
Rey smiles warmly at him. "I did."
"I don't want this day to end yet. Would you like to have a drink in a bar?"
"A drink? I don't think I could handle that after such a day." Rey believes she'll end up falling asleep at the bar and make an utter fool of herself.
"Or perhaps we could hang out in my room if you feel too tired. I would like to spend some more time with you." His gaze in inviting and maybe a little emboldened and Rey doesn't want to let him down. But she really is feeling tired and she's afraid she won't' have the strength to walk to her own room later on.
"Maybe tomorrow night we could have that drink at a bar like you said. I have to make sure the Governor is safe and has no need of my presence before I promise you anything."
"Of course." He looks away and Rey senses he seems slightly put off.
She reaches for his hand. "I can't get too distracted. I'm sorry…"
"No, you're right. His security comes first."
Jeff squeezes her hand and reaches for her cheek. And steps closer.
"May I?" He asks as his eyes fall to her lips.
She allows Jeff to lean in and set a warm kiss there. It tingles and tastes good and Rey likes the feel of it. But somehow, it doesn't seep any deeper than that. Her heart beats its regular steady rhythm and her breath doesn't accelerate and there is no sinking sensation in her stomach.
Everything feels pleasant.
Everything feels as it should.
But for some reason they are not enough.
Rey can't help comparing him to another presence that seems to always consume the air around her.
Her chest clenches at the thought of him. And suddenly Rey wants to be alone now. She bids Jeff goodnight and strides down the lobby.
But she doesn't feel like going to her room either. So she strays from her path and heads towards the hotel's bar. Thankfully, not too many people are around since the casino and racetrack are the main attractions in the city.
Rey sits on a barstool and orders a drink despite her better judgement. The kind with a fruity sweet taste and a hint of liquor in it. She hasn't had one in ages. Not since that mission she had gone with Nyxx and Meekel in Cantonica when Nyxx thought it'd be funny to see how many drinks Meekel could hold without passing out. Rey had never laughed so much in her life.
She swirls the thin glass in her hand.
"Do you mind if I sit?"
Rey closes her eyes and feels her stomach flutter at the sound of the voice.
Stars…
It's not fair.
"Yeah, sure."
And regrets the words coming out of her mouth the moment she says them. She feels him settle on the barstool next to her, feels the heat of his body and weight in the Force. The remains of his aftershave drift in the air mingled with scents from his day, and the rumble of his voice resonates inside her as he orders his own drink.
Correlian whiskey.
She wants to remember that.
"Did you have a good time with Jeff?"
"Yes. It was nice." She picks at the little piece of cloth under her glass.
"Is that all?"
Rey takes a sip from her drink. She still hasn't looked at him. Because how can she? That dark gaze of his peels away every protective layer that she has, and leaves her vulnerable for him to do as he pleases.
"It's none of your business. I don't need to answer to you."
She hears him chuckle at that. A deep throaty sound that only seems to anger her. He's become really, really good at angering her.
"Did you enjoy the kiss?"
Rey nearly chokes at the question. There is no way he had witnessed that. What are the damn odds? She coughs a little and sets her glass down. Out of the corner of her eye she sees him bring his own glass to his lips with a small smirk.
"Were you watching us?" She asks feeling a bit outraged.
"You were standing at the entrance of the hotel. It was hard to miss. Was it your first?" He says around the rim of his glass before he takes a sip.
"I'm not answering that!" She clutches her drink but is too afraid to bring it to her lips. He will probably notice her shaking hands.
"Ah, so it was…" He drawls and she can hear the amusement in his voice. "A pity. He should have done better than that."
He swirls his glass playfully in his hand and Rey just stares at hers with a heated face. She can't believe she is allowing him to rip apart the day she just had and toss its pieces in the trashcan.
"He's not good for you," he says nonchalantly after a few heartbeats pound in her chest. "He isn't what you need."
"And what exactly is it that I need?" She swivels in her seat to look at him before she can stop herself and she feels that anger blister and burn inside her. Ben looks a little drawn she notices, with his late in the day stubble and messy black hair. He must have run his hand through those thick strands a million times today. At least she hopes it was him and not some…
Rey clenches her jaw. "What makes you think you know what I need? You barely know me. You haven't seen me in, what? Ten, Fifteen years? I am nothing like the little girl you remember. You're not the only one who has changed around here."
"Oh, believe me. I've noticed." He fixes her with that gaze. The kind he uses in his exchanges with some of the posh women that surround him. Rey hates how it feels on her.
"Then what do you want from me? Who gives you the right to voice any kind of opinion about what I do or who I see?"
"You work for me."
"That's bullshit."
He's looking directly at her, twirling that tumbler with his long fingers and curling his lips as if he owns her. Rey barely ever feels rage. She barely ever allows it to take over her judgment. But this man has pushed her beyond her limits.
"Don't think that a couple of games of dice and a half-ass apology can patch things up between us," she narrows her eyes at him and watches that curl fall away. "We have nothing in common you and me. And just because I spent a year of my life worshiping you as a little girl doesn't give you the right to order me around. I suggest you take a good look at your own personal life and the mess you are making of it and quit mingling with mine."
He scowls at that and Rey knows, she just knows she's hit home. "You're engaged for Force's sake! Don't think I don't know what you do behind your fiancée's back just because I have spent my life training to be a Jedi. I'm not stupid."
"Leave Hannah out of this."
"Oh so you do care! I never thought you had an actual heart beating inside you. Does she know?"
"Rey…"
"Does she, Ben? Or is she some kind of a prize you like to flaunt around the way you do with me?"
"That's enough!"
His outburst rattles the glasses on the surface of the bar and a few heads turn to look at them curiously.
Rey straightens her back and shifts in her seat under his relentless gaze. "You are a hypocrite," she almost spits at him
"I am not discussing Hannah with you or the practicalities of my relationship," he snaps. "You can might as well get that out of your pretty little mind, sweetheart."
Rey grits her teeth. "I am not your sweetheart."
His eyes have turned dark and stormy and he rakes his hand through those black waves. She watches him under the dimmed lights of the luxurious bar the way she would watch any impending threat or armed opponent. It doesn't matter if he is just a man sitting for a drink, dressed in his ridiculously expensive white collar shirt and casual charcoal pants. Nor does it matter if she has had those brown eyes haunt her dreams ever since she was a little girl. The revelations that have been brought forth about him have been nothing but disappointing.
"Come here."
His voice is low and commanding and Rey wants to shake off the hold it has on her. But she finds herself obeying his order nonetheless.
"Closer," he demands.
Rey clenches her jaw and holds her ground.
And suddenly his fingers are clasping her chin and lifting her head. She looks at him and prays to every star in the galaxy that he doesn't feel her pulse spike and breath quicken. Because she can't give him this.
She can see his eyes roam her face. And something inside her wants to break under that gaze.
"You are no longer an infatuated silly girl," he says in a surprisingly soft voice. "You're a Jedi. And you have to be aware of the power you hold over the people that surround you. You have to know their emotions and intentions as if they are your own. Jeff is not worthy of you. I suggest you find one that is…"
"And who would that be?'
His eyes drop, and suddenly the pad of his thumb is caressing her bottom lip. Rey stiffens at the sensation and feels it shooting down to every last particle of her body.
"These lips should be worshiped," he says hoarsely and Rey finds herself melting under that touch.
Don't stop.
She wants to whisper to him.
Please don't stop...
She looks down at his own lips that seem so full and impossibly soft under this light. And Rey wants to know. She wants to know how they taste and how warm they can feel and that very thought, that treacherous little thought that has slipped into her conscious, is the most terrifying thing she has ever felt.
"There's no one here good enough for you," he drags his gaze back up. "Look elsewhere."
His hand drops and whatever spell he has on her is broken. Ben shifts to get his tumbler of whiskey and takes a long drag from it, scowling as the alcohol no doubt burns a path down his throat.
"I don't want to look elsewhere," she says softly as she stares at his sharp profile half hidden behind his disheveled mane of hair. "There's no one out there for me."
Except you. It's always been you.
But Rey doesn't voice that little thought that has taken over her reason. Instead, she tries to bury it deep inside her. Right where she has kept it all these years.
"It's late," he says not lifting his gaze from the amber liquid swirling in his tumbler. "Shouldn't you be heading to bed by now?"
His forearms are set on the surface of the bar and Rey sees the bulge of muscle under his white shirt. The urge to rest her head on his shoulder is almost overwhelming.
But she can't do that now. Ben's not hers anymore.
"Shouldn't you be in bed by now?" Rey stares up at the teenage boy hunched over a heavy book on his desk. There's a pen in his hand with a drop of ink on its tip and Rey drags a stool to climb up and look at what the boy is writing. "I wanna stay with you," she says in a small voice. "I'm not tired." She sets her head on his arm and studies the boy scribbling under the warm candlelight.
"Will I see you in the morning?" She asks.
It's so hard to tear herself from that memory.
"No. Not in the morning. I'll be…resting. Perhaps later in the day."
She hesitates and bites her lip because he still has his gaze trained on his drink. And Rey can't help wonder for just a split moment if he sees her as anything more than that little girl he'd saved. If he sees her as more than the protector he demands from her to be. But Ben can be heedless like that. Touching her lips as if it means nothing and screwing women without a hint of guilt.
She slides off the barstool and just as she's about to walk away, she catches his eyes on the mirror of the bar across from them. And pauses.
They simmer under the soft light of the bar and look almost wistful. But he quickly averts his gaze to take another sip.
"Goodnight, Rey," he turns to say over his shoulder.
Rey nods, pushing and shoving those painful memories back in the forgotten corners of her mind. There's no point in digging up the past. Nothing good will come from it. Things are what they are and Ben's right. She's not a silly girl anymore.
"Goodnight, Ben."
She simply says and heads for her room.
Author's note: Who would have ever thought Rey could be so posessive? Next chapter Rey stumbles across Ben in a rather curious situation. I think a lot of you have noticed how naughty he is.