Chapter 45AE
'ROTS: The Back to School Edition'
'Sith Confessions'
'Doctor-Sith Confidentiality'
Title Crawl: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Summer has ended.
The Coruscant weather is getting milder. It is back to work for the Dark Lord and back to school for the younger Skywalker children. New challenges are in store for the Galactic Republic. Turmoil is brewing in the Military. Tarkin has formed an alliance with disgruntled officers. Their plans to overthrow the Dark Lord are in the works but Anakin Skywalker is steps ahead of the officers. A showdown is imminent…
Alex is completing his last hear at university. Ana-Lena is back at convent school but academia is not on her mind. She is thinking about her 15th birthday party. Anakin and Isabel look into the idea of renting out the Galaxies Opera House reception room. The proposed guest list in long and requires a larger venue. The event promises to rival the Quinceanera for Leia when she turned 15.
Kris is back at the Jedi Academy. Kyp and Kyle continue as mentors. Anakin has little confidence in these two after all that has happened during the past year. Master Yoda promises Anakin that Kris will be closely supervised this time. The youngest Skywalker will have no time to get into any serious mischief.
Anakin heads back to the office. He is ready to confront Tarkin and the other senior brass. He was able to avoid any confrontations with the military for most of the summer.
It is also time for 'Soul Cleansing' for members of the Jedi Order. No one is ready for the Skywalker family at Our Lady of the Jedi Order...They had better get ready.
Parishioners visit the cathedral to make their confessions. The stream of parishioners waiting to make their penance is steady but manageable. It is 90 days before Befana Eve. The parish priest, Father Valentin Glorioso and the Monsignor Tomasso Giiett are in the Rectory office to discuss the appointments for confession.
The Monsignor is a jolly but pragmatic priest who has much wisdom when advising the new pastor. Father Valentin is full of hope for the New Year. Monsignor Giiett opens the Rectory data pad and reads off the list of their parishioners who have made the highest donations during the past decade.
"The Rieekan, Dodonna, and Darklighter families are all scheduled."
"Reserve a day when I can hear their Confessions."
"Yes, Father…Are you referring to the same Darklighter family from Tatooine?"
"Well, just part of the family is here. Apparently, Biggs Darklighter has opted out. He has joined a meditation group of Sullustan Chanters. "
"So we have lost a parishioner.
"Perhaps not; there is always hoping that he returns to the flock."
"Don't get your hopes up, Father. I was a seminary student during the time of the accident. Biggs was quite traumatized."
"Oh…I see."
"He claims that his near-death experience years ago have lead him to an awakening. I guess this is it."
"Oh, yes…I recall my conversation with him when I first arrived. He said he would never set foot in the pilot's seat again on an X-wing. His primary mode of transportation these days is a vintage Urban Navigator swoop bike. So, he has been on a spiritual journey all these years?"
"It appears so…" The monsignor pauses for a moment, then looks at the list on the data pad. "…And then I have the Skywalkers for you. The family is coming for confession on the same day?"
"I thought it best to have them here all at once."
Monsignor Giiett is surprised and somewhat concerned about this decision. He lifts his eyes above the frame of the data pad and looks at Father Valentin.
"You cannot be serious, Father Valentin. I would normally agree but when we are discussing the Skywalker family…They are not the typical family. Father, may I make a suggestion? You are still relatively new to the parish. Their reputation precedes them. I was thinking that perhaps it is best to hear their confessions over a series of days. Hearing their confessions in a single day could prove quite challenging…and exhausting."
"Well, Monsignor, it may be true that I am new to this parish, however, I am not new to suffering and sacrifice."
The monsignor pauses for a moment and then nods. There is a twinkle in his eye as he speaks.
"Suffering and sacrifice, indeed. Then I trust you are prepared for them."
"I believe that the baptism of the Solo twins was the test for me."
"True."
"In that case, I think we should bless more Holy water."
"I will make sure that all the fonts are flowing to capacity, Father." Monsignor Giiett sets the data pad on the desk for Father Valetine to review later and stands. He bows before turning to leave. Father Valentin decides to follow the Monsignor out of the office. They walk to the sacristy. The two men chat a bit about the evening supper menu that the parish chef is preparing for them and the rest of the staff and clergy participating in the pre-Befana Eve Confession. The meals are simple but flavorful and nutritious. Father Valentin prepares for the afternoon and evening confessions. He is about to head out into the church. The monsignor once again bows respectfully, "May the Force be with you, Father Valentin."
"And also with you, Monsignor."
The monsignor whispers, not expecting Father Valentin to hear him.
"You're going to need it."
Father Valentin turns with an innocent smile on his face.
"Did you say something, Monsignor?"
"Have fun storming the Space Station, Father!"
Father Valentin blinks with a confused expression on his face and then smiles.
"Ah! An Empire joke. I get it. Funny!"
The new priest can be heard laughing as he disappears down the corridor outside the sacristy door. Monsignor Giiett kneels at the Prie-Dieu. He glances across the room at the vessels near the sacrarium waiting to be filled with Holy Water. He says a brief prayer. He has a lot of vessels to fill before dinner.
Return to Headquarters
Anakin arrives at the office. He has a lengthy discussion with Isabel earlier that morning when she hands him the appointment schedule for confession. He finds the idea of a scheduled confession disturbing.
"Is this a joke? He sends us an appointment card? This isn't a doctor's appointment."
"I guess he wants to get to know his parishioners better."
"I thought confessions are supposed to be anonymous."
"Well, we are a big group. Anyway, I'm sure other priests in the parish will hear confessions and not just Father Valentin. What are you afraid of?"
"He wants a face-to-face confession.."
"What's the matter with that? You have a lot to confess. He probably wants to make sure what he is hearing is actually coming from your mouth. "
She smiles at him.
"Very funny…go ahead, laugh it up."
Anakin is wearing a new navy suit with a blue and white pinstripe shirt on his first day back at the office. His tie is ochre with a blue Jedi emblem. The necktie is a gift from Luke. Anakin concludes that his children prefer 'one-stop shopping' at the Jedi Temple Gift Shop. His children are either very lazy or very busy. At least the gifts are tasteful. The purchasing manager at the Jedi Temple adheres to strict guidelines when selecting merchandise for the store. Marta Nu believes that the Jedi Image must be preserved at all costs. She does, however bow to the demands of the younger clientele who wanted trendy and fun items, such as Jedi Temple Smashball headbands, Jedi emblem key chains, data pad covers, and t-shirts. These items were purposely on display in the rear of the shop. High-end items, such as fashion accessories are on prominent display near the entrance of the shop. Still, Anakin feels he is a walking advertisement for the Jedi Gift Shop. The Jedi Temple is pleased that the unwitting Dark Lord is generating money for the Jedi Temple, if not directly, by tourist credits. Tourists are fascinated by the idea that they are purchasing similar items worn by the infamous Anakin Skywalker. Anakin, however, wonders if his children keep providing him with Jedi-branded apparel in the hopes that he will once again be embraced by the Jedi Order. One thing baffles the Dark Lord, if all of the Jedi Store merchandise is increasing revenue, why then is the Jedi Order crying poor every year?
Anakin is the very image of the well-dressed executive from the dark side. Anakin questions himself as to why he is in such a hurry to return to the office. He could have taken a few more days off before returning to headquarters. Skippy accompanies his master to the Executive Suite. At least he has his loyal canine companion at his side for the day.
Miss DiPesto is busy making copies of a report in the data room. She hurries out to greet her boss.
"Good morning, Mr. Skywalker! Welcome back."
This is what he missed all summer. Someone who does not question his motives and who obeys his every command…with a smile.
"Good morning, Miss DiPesto."
"How was your vacation, sir?"
"Great. Thank you. I understand that you managed to keep the office in order while I was away."
"I did my best, sir." She looks down at Skippy who pants happily. "Hello, Skippy! Welcome back to the office. How're you doin'? How're you doin'? He's a happy pooch."
Skippy lifts his right front paw to greet her. Miss DiPesto leans over and shakes it. Luke spent his free time over the summer teaching the canine tricks and proper doggy behavior and Ana-Lena to a two-week dog training class, Skippy is after all a pedigree. Anakin rolls his eyes as he watches this shameless display of obedience. Skippy collapses onto his back, his short tail flaps wildly against the Sullustan rug. Anakin waits to get Miss DiPesto's attention.
"Ahem! Miss DiPesto, I will be busy this morning. Please take messages until I am ready."
"Oh! You have meetings this morning."
"As I said…until I am ready."
"Yes, sir."
Anakin disappears in his office. He snaps his fingers. Skippy follows.
Shortly after he settles in, Miss DiPesto returns to the copy room. Someone enters the reception area. It is Grand Moff Tarkin. Tarkin arrives with an entourage, which includes officers Tagge, Motti, Veers, Officer Siward Cass, and a few lesser ranking officers. Miss DiPesto returns from the copy room. She carries a stack of data pads and sets them on her desk. She sees the officers.
"Good morning, officers."
Tarkin speaks. True to his character, his reply is not a pleasant one. He barely makes eye contact with her.
"Good morning, Miss DiPesto. We are here to see Mr. Skywalker."
"Do you have an appointment?"
Tarkin snorts back indignantly.
"Of course! It should not matter. I have waited all summer long to speak with him."
Agnes scans the appointment calendar.
"Oh, yes. Mr. Skywalker is on a conference call right now. He will see you as soon as he is ready. May I offer you and your men some coffee?"
The aroma of freshly brewed Corellian Roast fills the air. One of the officers raises his hand in response to the offer of coffee. Admiral Motti and Tarkin glare at the officer who quickly lowers his hand.
Tarkin is becoming agitated again. He is not used to Miss DiPesto's newly acquired empowerment.
"No, we do not want any coffee! How long must we wait for your boss? The appointment is for now."
"As soon as he is ready to see you. Are you going to give me a problem, Governor Tarkin?"
Motti interrupts.
"This waiting game is unacceptable. We know of your boss and his sorcerer's ways. We have been more than patient and have tolerated the delay in seeing us long enough." He self-consciously places his right hand against his throat. Nothing happens. He is relieved.
Almost immediately after Admiral relaxes and removes his hand from his throat the telephone console on Miss DiPesto's desk lights up. She looks at the phone and then looks across the desk at the impatient officers. She smiles.
"Mr. Skywalker will see you now."
Tarkin shouts rudely at her.
"It's about time!"
The 'League of Empirical Officers' files into the office. Skippy charges through the door, startling the officers who quickly leap out of his way. The men are afraid of being bitten.
The officers stand, huddles together as the door closes behind them. They do not see the Dark Lord at first. Tarkin expect him to be at his desk. The gaunt, harsh-looking senior officer turns to the others. "Where is he?"
"I'm right here, Gentlemen." The officers turn and see Anakin standing at the window and looking out at the Jedi Temple in the distance. He turns towards the men, then, just as quickly, he appears at his desk. His sudden appearance in front of them startles everyone in the room. The officers find such Force-Power trickery is disturbing. Anakin knows what they are thinking but this does not concern him. "Tell me, what is it that I can do for you?"
Tarkin speaks.
"Ahem...We wish to discuss matters of great urgency. I will get right to the point. You have made changes in policy that deeply concerns us."
"Could you be more specific?" Anakin holds his hand above two Kyber crystal spheres. The ancient Sullustan balls glow a vivid cerulean blue as they hover over the desk. He spins them using the Force. The officers are mesmerized until Anakin stops. The men begin to focus on the issue they came to speak about with him.
Tagge blurts out a comment before Tarkin can elaborate.
"You cut the troops in half on Geonosis; you have depleted our presence on Hoth. And then there is the space station…"
Anakin notices a face in the group that he has not seen for some time.
"This sounds more like an accusation than a meeting of the minds. General Veers, this is a surprise. Have you come here about the Hoth issue?"
Veers is tentative in his response.
"Well, Yes, my Lord... Governor Tarkin and the Admirals Motti and Tagge requested my presence. They want you to hear my expert advice."
Anakin sees through the General's remarks. There is a faint smirk on the Dark Lord's face.
"Expert advice, eh? I see that they felt the need to drag you into this gripe-fest. Are you not happy with your new position on Byss? Please be honest, General."
"Well, yes, my Lord…but…"
Anakin nods his head knowingly. He flips through some papers on his desk as he speaks.
"I see. You have decided to join ranks with Tarkin and his crew." He turns to Tarkin. "Tell me, Governor, whom are we fighting on Hoth?" He turns to Admiral Motti. "Motti? You always have something to say. Do you have a convincing argument for keeping troops on Hoth? Where is the threat?"
Motti stammers as he searches for an answer.
"Well…no one specific threat at this time… but…"
Tagge interjects to help Admiral Motti elaborate.
"We must remain vigilant, Lord…"
Anakin cuts Tagge off mid-sentence when the argument for sending troops to Hoth falters.
"There is no threat on Hoth. It is a neutral planet. We are wasting valuable time and resources sending troops there. As for the Space Station, it is no longer on the table as a defense weapon. It is outdated and no longer meets our needs. You would agree then that I have made the right decision. Yes?" There is silence among the group. Anakin lifts his palms at his sides as he looks around for a response. Is there anything else, men?"
Officer Cass whispers something in Tarkin's ear.
Tarkin clears his throat before speaking with some hesitancy.
"Yes. There is another issue…It concerns Sergeant Gunderson. He is on an indefinite assignment on Naboo at a boys' camp."
"So?"
"Well, Gunderson is a talented officer. It would be a waste to have him floundering at a kiddie camp instead of preparing new recruits. It is a bloody insult sending him to Naboo as a glorified babysitter. Officer Cass has been in direct contact with the sergeant. Is that correct, Officer Cass?" Tarkin turns to Officer Siward Cass, his long-time communications aide.
Officer Cass gives an adroit response.
"It is, Governor Tarkin. We are conducting an extensive search of the surrounding systems to see where he would be of service."
Tarkin continues.
"Gunderson is responsible for providing the military with land troops fit for fighting the enemy. We need his leadership for these recruits. "
Anakin stares at Tarkin. There is almost a sarcastic smirk on his face as he listens to Tarkin's feeble excuse for Gunderson's re-installment. He finds Tarkin's use of the other officers to make a case for increasing troop size and reassigning Sergeant Gunderson an insult. Anakin responds in a firm but even-tempered manner.
"Gunderson will remain where he is until I see fit to reassign him. I know more about Gunderson's 'talent' in training recruits, so you would be well-advised to save your breath."
Tarkin refuses to back down and risks pushing the Dark Lord's patience.
"With all due respect, my Lord, you have been absent and out of touch all summer. Perhaps it is time for new and dedicated leadership. You have left us with no choice."
"Oh really?"
"We don't think you are attentive to the needs of the military or for the security of the galaxy which is in jeopardy of being destroyed."
"Let me tell you something, Governor. I know more about what is going on in the galaxy whether I am here or not. Your comment concerning my absence is tantamount to calling me a slacker. Only my wife is allowed to call me a slacker."
"But surely you know how serious this is."
"Trust me, I know what I am doing. Well, thank you for stopping by, gentlemen. You are certainly on top of things. You're wrong about all of it but I appreciate your concern." He ushers then out the door. "Have a great day. You may return to your stations. General, Veers, it is a shame that your week was wasted travelling here for this meeting."
Motti tries to get a word in as Anakin holds open the door.
"But…But."
"Good day, gentlemen."
The men file out into the reception area. Miss DiPesto smiles her trademark toothy grin.
"Good day, Gentlemen."
Tarkin and the other offices seem to move swiftly out of the office suite by the force of the Dark Lord. They are locked out and appear stunned that they have not achieved what they came to discuss. They are mumbling amongst themselves in the hallway. Admiral Motti is perplexed.
"What happened? He did it again! That meeting barely lasted ten minutes!"
Tarkin walks ahead of them.
"We will find another way of getting his attention and cooperation."
Admiral Motti expresses his disappointment.
"His sad devotion to that ancient Jedi religion has clouded his judgment. He has given them more power than they deserve…"
Motti grabs his throat and turns pale. The other officers watch in silence while Motti gasps for air. Just as he is about to collapse, the pressure around his throat relaxes. Tarkin snaps his fingers to the lower ranking officers who eventually help Motti walk to the elevator.
Meanwhile, back in the executive office, Anakin opens the door and walks into the reception area. He stares at the door where Tarkin and the other officers have just left. He turns to Miss DiPesto.
"Well, that was all too easy. What else is on my agenda today, Miss DiPesto?"
"You have a meeting with Mr. Binks."
"Who?"
"The manager of Employee Benefits."
"Ohhh…Jar Jar! Yes. Send that brain surgeon up here. I need to speak to him."
"Aye Aye, Sir!" Miss DiPesto salutes her boss. Anakin sounds annoyed..
"What?"
"It's a salute." She makes the saluting gesture with her right hand again. Anakin stares at her for a moment.
"Oh…okay." He heads back into his office. "You're a funny one, Miss. DiPesto."
"You're funny, too!"
Anakin steps back from the doorway of his office. There is a puzzled expression on his face.
"What do you mean by 'funny'?"
"You know…you say funny things."
"Like what?" Anakin is intrigued. This is not the way Agnes DiPesto sees him. She is a bit afraid right now.
Miss DiPesto pauses, and then nervously thinks of an example.
"Uhm…the way you say things to Admiral Motti and Moff Tarkin. You have a way of getting them out of your office that is really funny."
He nods in agreement.
"Oh yeah…I do…hah-hah. Thank you, Miss DiPesto."
"You're welcome, Mr. Skywalker." She breathes a sigh of relief. She is not going to be fired.
He heads back inside his office. He pokes his head out the door.
"You know I'm just joking with you, Miss. DiPesto. You're okay."
"Oh, well, thank you, Mr. Skywalker."
"What's next on my calendar?"
"Let's see…your weekly Sabacc 'conference call' with General Calrissian, Boba Fett, the young officer from 'L' Sector. Oh, you have confession with Father Valentin tomorrow…"
"Oh yes…cancel that call until after confession. I don't want to hear a *sith-load* of grief about what I should and should not be doing."
Miss DiPesto adjusts the keyboard and begins typing. She stops and then looks up at her boss.
"Sabacc meeting cancelled. When shall I reschedule you?"
"That new priest will keep me forever, I can feel it. Put me down for 3p.m. If that Lando starts whining about altering the game, tell him he should be grateful. He has been losing for the past year.
She types the new information on her computer.
"Sabacc rescheduled."
"Excellent. Where's my dog?"
"Oh, he went to the deck with General Solo while you were in your meeting. He stopped by to get some coffee and donuts."
"You gave my dog coffee and donuts?"
"No, sir. General Solo had the coffee and donuts before he took the dog."
"How did he get so friendly with my dog?"
"General Solo said he used to have a dog named Indy."
"He can be an embarrassment."
Meanwhile, on the deck, Han watches as Skippy has three officers cornered at the landing bay control tower. The officers cower under the console waiting for Han to call off the hound from Hell. Han stands calmly against the rail while Skippy barks and growls.
"He can do this for hours. Tenacious little guy…just like his master."
One of the officers holds onto his hat as he tries to look for a way out from under the console.
"But we don't have the code to release the ship."
"Okay…better get comfy, guys."
One officer rethinks his predicament and blurts out the 'secret' information.
"It's 44 dash 22 dash 7 and turn the data key 45 degrees to the right."
The other officers glare at him as a traitor. Han smiles before he calls off the barking pup.
"Okay, Skip, 'Cut!' Good dog." Han sees a half-eaten sandwich on the control console. "Here you go…a reward." He leans over and looks under the console. "You guys don't mind, do you? No? Great! Just so you know, there's no eating permitted in the control tower."
Skippy grabs the sandwich and gulps it down, licking the gravy off the waxed paper.
"Okay, fella, let's go before your master discovers you're gone."
Suddenly, the control tower is eerily quiet. The ship traffic controllers stop giving landing and takeoff clearance. The officers and controllers stand at attention. Han laughs.
"Gee, you guys act as if the boss is here…calm down…it ain't that serious. I won't rat you out about a sandwich." Suddenly Han turns. It is too quiet for his comfort. He sees why. Anakin is standing on the bridge tapping his foot.
"Why is my dog on the deck?"
"Oh…uhm…he's just getting some exercise. He loves meeting the officers."
"I bet. Can I see you for a moment?" He gestures for Han to follow him.
"Sure!" Han gives Anakin a hearty slap on the back as they leave the control deck. Anakin pulls away as soon as they are out of sight of the crew. Anakin immediately grabs Han by the throat and lifts him off the floor.
Han feels the wrath of the Dark Lord.
"Ow…ow…ow…"
"So you think it's funny, eh?" I should have embarrassed you right there on the deck."
Han gasps for air.
"Okay…okay...okay!"
"Don't sneak away with my dog again….you dog thief!"
"Okay…I…can't…breathe…I'm turning blue."
Anakin releases Han who immediately drops to the black granite floor of the hallway. Skippy barks then lifts his hind leg. Anakin shakes his finger at the pooch.
"Don't try to get back into my good graces now. Where were you when I needed you? Anyway, I don't want his wife calling me. Once Leia gets started, she doesn't shut up. Get up, Han! Come on…walk it off, you big baby!"
"You tried to kill me!"
"If I wanted to kill you, you'd already be dead. Come on, Skip. Let him think about what he's done."
Han yells down the corridor as Anakin and Skippy disappear around the corner.
"You're still a psychopath! You have grandkids! Have you forgotten about that?" He rubs his neck.
Anakin returns to his office to another form of chaos. Jar Jar is walking around the reception area touching things. Miss DiPesto trails behind him replacing the items on her desk.
"Whatsa dis? Ooh… a snowy globe from Hoth! Bery Bery awesomely bootifool! Oopala! And slippery!"
Miss DiPesto nervously tries to catch it as it slips through Jar Jar's clumsy Gungan digits. Anakin arrives just in time and catches it with just two fingers. He gives the Gungan a stern look and points at him in a threatening manner.
"Sit! And don't say a word!"
Skippy barks as if to reiterate his master's command. The loyal canine follows Anakin into the office.
Miss DiPesto sets the snow globe back on her desk, reorganizes her papers and data pads.
Jar Jar sits in one of the chairs and averts eye contact in typical childlike fashion. After a few minutes, Anakin opens the door and calls Jar Jar.
"You! Come in here and don't touch anything or else I will kill you."
Jar Jar stands and walks towards Anakin's office.
"Oooh…master Ani mad big time with Jar Jar. Ani! Whata meesa do?"
"Hurry up!"
"Okeeday! Meesa coming! Issa little dog gonna eat Jar Jar?"
"If you don't hop to, I'll have him tear you to shreds."
"Okeeday!" He hurries into the office. Anakin slams the door.
"Sit!"
Jar Jar throws his arms in the air out of frustration with his boss.
"'Jar Jar sit! Jar Jar stand! Hurry!' Whatsa Jar Jar to do? Berri confusing, Ani!"
"Shut up! What did you tell Tarkin and Motti while I was away?"
Jar Jar presses his finger to his chin as he tries to recollect the list of tasks assigned to him during the summer.
"Uhm…meesa do work…write benefits manual for uptight officers…Oh! Meesa hand out goody benefits bags at healthcare orientation…toothy brushes, toothy paste, sunscreen for pasty complexion of officers...Theysa shocked to get anyting!" Anakin folds his arms across his chest as he waits for Jar Jar to finish speaking. Jar Jar thinks for a moment. "Uhm…Meesa say benefits book complete without dodo officers. Master Ani, why yousa so mad? Jar Jar do everyting yousa ask and more. Meesa thought summer holiday supposed to make crazy Dark Lord mellow. Yousa ready for confession?"
Anakin snarls at the Gungan.
"Who told you that?"
"Master Yoda say yousa need to get the stress out of you. Yousa eat breakfast, Ani? A heart healthy breakfast cereal can't hurt."
"Neither one of you can talk worth a damn but low and behold, somehow you manage to tell everything to everyone!"
"Meesa fired, Ani?"
"I would but for some reason you're an idiot savant when it comes to putting together a benefits package for the military. Go figure."
"So meesa not gonna die?"
Anakin has been listening to Jar Jar for the past several minutes and starts to speak like him. He catches himself mid-sentence.
"No, yousa not…You're not going to die!…not yet….unless you trip over your tongue or you get caught in the crossfire between the 501 and guerillas."
Jar Jar appears horrified.
"Gorillas? Theysa real?"
"What?"
"Gorillas…theysa use blasters?"
"I assure you, they would be too stunned to shoot at you."
"Oh…" Jar Jar thinks for a minute. His eyes widen. "Then who would shoot at me, Ani?'
"I will if you don't get the hell out of my office…and leave my secretary alone or I will strangle you with that flappy tongue of yours!"
"Okeeday! Okeeday! Yousa tough boss to please." Jar Jar finally leaves the office. Before the door closes, Jar Jar pokes his head inside. "Hey, where gorillas come from? Meesa no see them anywhere."
Anakin is losing patience again. He looks up from his desk.
"Out!"
Jar Jar stops at Miss DiPesto's desk. He looks around cautiously before whispering to her.
"Where gorillas in the galaxy?"
Agnes is typing something on the computer. It appears as if she is reading an email. Her eyebrows rise. She finally responds to Jar Jar's query in a discreet whisper.
"Planet of the Apes…in the Mytaranor sector."
"Ohhh…Thank you! Meesa thought Ani yanking Jar Jar's chain."
He sees Skippy who is resting on the sofa near the door. Jar Jar leans over to pet the dog. Skippy lifts his head and begins barking maniacally. Jar Jar recoils and screams.
"Ahhh! Mad dog!"
Anakin calls on the intercom. The door opens slightly. Skippy trots back into his master's office. The door closes. Anakin yells at Jar Jar over the intercom.
Anakin calls on the intercom.
"I'm giving you five seconds to get out of here, Jar Jar, and then I'm sending Skippy after you."
Jar Jar's eyes bulge when he hears muffled canine growling and paws scratching from the other side of the door.
"Okeeday! Meesa going!"
The terrified Gungan hurries out of the office.
Agnes picks up the telephone handset. She tries not to laugh.
"I feel terrible playing such a cruel joke."
Anakin speaks over the intercom.
"He had it coming." He disconnects the speaker.
Anakin leaves his desk and goes into the private washroom. He checks himself in the large mirror. He smoothes his hair and adjusts his suit. He looks perfect. The first day back to work has been tough for the Dark Lord. He is ready for another vacation. The next day has to be better than today.
The Next Day –
Anakin spends the morning at Dr. Melfi's office. The doctor is shocked that her most challenging patient has made an appointment to see her instead of his usual unscheduled 'stopover'.
"So, Mr. Skywalker, this is incredible. You actually have a legitimate appointment. What's the occasion?"
"What's the big deal? Can't I draw within the lines for once?" He adjusts the rocking motion dial before getting comfortable on the white leather hammock. It sways slowly from left to right. Dr. Melfi stares incredulously at his comment.
"Draw within the lines? Mr. Skywalker, you've done everything but draw within the lines. You're like a solar flare…a quasar when you burst in here unannounced."
She becomes uncharacteristically animated as if describing a rare, otherworldly phenomenon. Anakin dismisses her remarks. He mocks her hand gestures.
"Okay, enough with the wacky galactic analogies. "Let's get on with my session. Your rates aren't exactly bargains; I'm sure you're aware of that."
"Fine, I apologize."
"For the rates?"
"No. That, I will not apologize for. I offer superior services and treatment for a fair price. Anyway, you can surely afford my fee. You do have insurance, don't you?"
Anakin appears offended. He quickly sits up and points at the doctor.
"That's irrelevant!" The hammock sways to the left almost tipping him onto the floor. He quickly steadies it. Dr. Melfi purses her lips. She does not want him to notice her amusement and immediately shields her face with the data pad.
"So, how was your summer?"
Anakin rolls his eyes and then props himself up on his elbows. He lifts his right hand and points at her.
"That cooking class was the dumbest idea ever! All of those dopey couples! Are they patients of yours? What a bunch of kiss-asses! I spent a lot of money just to make a stupid loaf of bread with fruit taught by some wacky celebrity chef."
"That wasn't the point of the class, Anakin."
"Well then, what was the point? And where do you get off calling me by my first name?"
"The point was to improve your communications with your wife by participating in activities with her."
"We communicate just fine! She helped raise over $9500 credits for charity."
"That's great!"
"I know! She said we could have raised more if my communications...hey, never mind! What else do you want to know?"
"Your son Kris. I hear he did quite well at that camp on Naboo but you didn't write to him during the first few weeks."
"I eventually wrote to him. Oh, now you're saying I'm a bad father!"
"No…I think that you could have boosted his morale since all of the other boys were getting letters from home."
"There's no pleasing you! Okay, what else did I do wrong?"
"I'm not here to judge."
He mocks her then immediately changes the subject.
"But you do. Hey, did you ever see that other couple? You know…my referral?"
"Oh…that is none of your business."
"Aha! So, you did see them! Do I get a 'Thank-you'? No, that would be beneath you. You should be able to rake in several thousand credits with them. You're welcome!"
"Mr. Skywalker, I will not discuss any patient with you. Let's stay on topic, shall we? What is going on with you?"
"I took an adventure vacation with my son-in-law."
"Really? Where?"
"Yavin 4 at the Massassi Temple."
"I'm impressed. That's quite an adventure."
"You're telling me!"
"That's amazing. It's so good that you and your son-in-law get on so well."
"Who said that? I was about to kill him!"
"Why?"
"Let's just say, exotic food is not something I was looking forward to."
"Well, it's good to keep an open mind when exploring different cultures, Anakin."
"Have you ever tried 'Empanadas Cuy de Huacho'?"
"No, I cannot say that I have."
"Don't."
Dr. Melfi is slightly amused as she jots down some notes on her patient data pad.
"Well, did you enjoy the trip other than the exotic cuisine?"
"I almost got killed while I was there!"
"Killed?"
"Yes. Killed. K-I-L-L-E-D! Ever have a 2-ton boulder almost mow you down?"
"I can't say I have. No." She looks down at her data pad and smiles. Anakin continues to speak. He rubs his forehead.
"Then I discovered something about my past. It was devastating."
"Could you elaborate?"
"It was traumatic. I may be in therapy for the next decade! All the crap you suggested did nothing but stress me out all summer."
"Oh…Master Yoda paid me a visit a few weeks ago."
"He told you?"
"It was out of concern for your wellbeing."
"What happened to privacy? Don't you believe in Doctor-Patient Confidentiality? Do you need me to cite the Coruscant Medical Association Code of Ethics?"
"You signed a waiver to disclose any traumatic situations that would affect your therapy. Master Yoda and I have no secrets."
"So, you knew? Why did you make me tell you all this crap if you already knew?"
"Relax, Anakin. It's only between you, me…and Master Yoda."
"Is that why you were laughing? You knew about the scurrier already!" He wags an accusatory finger at the doctor. She does not flinch. She reviews her notes then looks back at him.
"Oh, I'm not here to…"
"'Judge'… right…"
"So, have you learned anything from your adventure?"
"I learned never to go on vacation with my rat bastard son-in-law, and if you want to keep something secret, never confide in Master Yoda again."
"Oh, Anakin, it's not so bad. This is all part of your recovery."
"Recovery? What? From my nightmare vacation?"
"I'm sure there were good moments during your vacation."
Anakin is thoroughly humiliated now.
"I bet the two of you were having a laugh-fest at my expense."
Even though he is embarrassed about these revelations, Anakin tells Dr. Melfi about his short vacation on Kashyyyk with Isabel, Ana-Lena, and Kris. He mentions all the news friends Kris made while away at camp including mentor and camp counselor Gar Tripper.
"Well, Anakin, it sounds as if you had an amazing summer after all. You met some nice people and you spent quality time with your family. You shouldn't feel embarrassed."
"Humph!"
"So, is there anything else you would like to tell me?"
"Nothing. You seem to be entertained enough already."
"I am only here to help."
There is a long silence. Anakin is angry, but this soon subsides. The leather hammock sways gently. He relaxes a bit and his inhibitions disappear.
"I have confession this afternoon."
"Ah…yes…it's that time of year."
"When are you going?"
"That's none of your business."
"Don't you docs have to submit your certification with the Jedi Order every decade?"
"What does one thing have to do with the other?"
"Oh! A-hah! I can imagine the stuff you must tell your priest."
"I have nothing that would shock my priest but I am certain your priest is in for a surprise."
"He knows what he's getting from me."
"I bet. Well, it looks like our session is over."
"What? Don't I have another 15 minutes?"
"No. Besides, I wouldn't want to keep you from your appointment."
He shakes his finger at the doctor.
"I should report you to the Coruscant Board of Psychiatric Medicine."
"Really? Are you sure you want to file such a grievance?"
"Sure! Why not?"
"Do what you must, Mr. Skywalker."
Anakin hops off the hammock and straightens his clothes. He heads out the door.
"You're a quack!"
"Have a nice day. See you next week."
Anakin has the last word.
"Bye, Jen."
The door closes.