Chapter 47AE

'Look Who's Talking Twi-Lek'

'True Confessions at the Table'

'Gungan-Free Diet'

'Whisky-A-Go-Go and the Wine Whiner'

'Tragedy at the TaggeMart - Part I'

The family gathers at the table. Anakin is about to take his place at the head of the table when he notices something different about the seating arrangements. There are two high chairs on either side of his chair. He points as he looks at Leia.

"Why are these high chairs here? Haven't these kids eaten?"

"They're old enough to join the family. Don't you want to see them?"

"Not while I'm eating."

"Oh, you're ridiculous! These are your grandchildren. You're supposed to enjoy them."

"Why?"

"You're the worst grandparent I know. Han's parents are thrilled to be around them."

"So I'm stuck with 'Chain Link' and 'Eight-cent' through dessert?"

"You know their names, don't play dumb. It's Jaina and Jacen."

Anakin stares at Leia then turns his attention to Li-An.

"Okay, Li-An, say grace and let's get this over with."

"Why me?"

"Why not you?"

You always give a critique each time I say grace."

"I promise I won't give you a critique."

"Okay, fine. Bless us Oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through the Force, Our Jedi Lord. Amen."

Anakin purses his lips as everyone around the table await some outrageous remark. He gives Li-An a 'thumbs-up' and then grabs his wine glass.

Anakin gulps down the wine. He knows better not to say anything or else his wife will scold him. Isabel smiles.

"That was lovely, Li-An. Everyone, this is a special dinner prepared by your father so thank him."

Kris and Alex give thanks in unison.

"Lub Nunb, thanks for the grub! Hah-hah…hah!"

Anakin scowls at Kris and Alex.

"You kids are so predictable. I'm disappointed yet again."

Leia feeds Jacen. Anakin wrinkles his nose in disgust. The infant has strained baby food on his face. Leia sees this.

"Dad, don't make that look. It'll age you by 20 years."

"Why don't you bring them back to the table when they're old enough to hold a spoon?"

"He can hold a spoon. Show Opa Ani that you can feed yourself, Jacen."

Jacen grabs the baby spoon with the Ewok handle and piles a glop of food into his mouth. He turns to Anakin and smiles."

"PaPo."

"Oh, he can feed himself…reminds me of his father. They have the same table manners. Okay, I've officially lost my appetite." He drops his fork onto his plate.

Ana-Lena speaks as her father refills his wine glass. She fills her plate with Dill Cucumber with roasted peppers and onion salad; she picks out the onions and sets them to the side of her plate. She tops the cucumbers with the grilled asparagus, and Tatooine sand potatoes

"Dad, I have to plan my Quinceañera next year so I need you to get out of your grumpy mood."

"Oh, that. Why do I have to do anything? Whatever you do, it's going to get charged to my account. You, your mother, and sister defy me at every turn."

"Well, you can at least support me. Pepper Ann's Dad is…"

Anakin holds up his hands as if deflecting an attack.

"Whoa…whoa…whoa! Don't tell me about what Pepper Ann's father is doing. You're not going to shame me! Leave the brochure on my desk." He points and taps his finger on the dining table.

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.

"Anyway, Leia said we should use the event planner that did her wedding."

"Oh, Franz and Klaus or whatever their names are? Good Lord! Like I said, leave me out of it."

"Well, Pep said…"

Anakin immediately interrupts his youngest daughter.

"I promise you'll have the best darn debutante ball in the galaxy. Just don't tell me about your dopey, vapid little friends."

Leia interrupts and immediately scolds her father.

"That's not nice! Pepper Ann and Soni are two of Ana-Lena's best friends. You could try to be a lot nicer and more supportive, Dad."

"That's all I do is support you kids. Leave me alone." He looks across the table at Ana-Lena's dinner plate. "Why aren't you eating the fish?"

"I refuse to eat anything with eyes. That fish had a family."

"Oh, my God! Are you joking me? Potatoes have eyes; are you going to stop eating those?"

"That's ridiculous! If potatoes have eyes then they're old potatoes."

Luke and Li-An are surprised and amused as Ana-Lena and their father bicker at the table.

Anakin lets out a frustrated sigh. He slams his fork onto his plate.

"You are the most ungrateful kids! You kids laugh it up, okay? Isabel, are you listening to this?"

"Anakin, don't take it personally. Look, she's eating the salad and grilled asparagus."

"Anyone else opposed to eating my food?"

There is no response around the dinner table.

"All too easy."

There are confused looks around the table.

Mara chimes in with her own comment. She gets back to Ana-Lena's original topic of discussion.

"Ana-Lena, if you need any tips, call me. I had a great Quinceañera. You're going to get lots of cash and gifts."

Kris rolls his eyes and drops his fork on his plate.

"Ugh! Are we gonna talk about chick stuff and puffy dresses during dinner? 'Cause if we are, I might lose my appetite."

Ana-Lena snaps back at Kris.

"Oh, please, you devour food like a nexu. When did you ever lose your appetite?"

"I have now." He gulps down a forkful of fish. "Dad, may I be excused?"

Anakin pounds his fist on the table getting everyone's attention.

"No! No one leaves this table. This is a family gathering. Sit down, son!"

Alex mocks his father.

"This is a family gathering. No one leaves this table, damnit! You will stay at this table or die! Grrrr! Heeheehee!"

Li-An, Luke, and Han giggle quietly. Anakin squints in their direction.

"What's so funny at the other end of this table?"

Luke stops laughing and nervously clears his throat.

"Oh, nothing. Dinner is really great tonight, Dad."

"Is that why you're laughing? Does my cooking amuse you?"

"Uhm…it's…it's just that we never get food like this when we're traveling the galaxy. It's a relief to come home to a well-cooked meal. The family is all here…everyone's having a great time…"

Isabel smiles.

"Luke, it's so sweet of you to say that. For a moment, your father was feeling unappreciated."

"Home cooking is always the best."

Alex and Li-An nod in agreement. They are grateful that their mother has saved them from the wrath of the Dark Lord. Alex composes himself and agrees with Luke.

"Uhmmm….Dad, the grub is great!"

Anakin stares at Luke and the others with skepticism then takes another sip of wine.

"I did not prepare 'grub'. I cooked fish."

"Okay…calm down…just trying to make conversation, Dad."

After dinner, Leia, Mara, and Ana-Lena serve dessert. Anakin raises an eyebrow as he looks at the dessert dish set before him. It is grilled pineapple with gelato and fudge topping. He looks over at his young daughter.

"So…does this dessert conform to your dietary restrictions? Is it Gungan-free?"

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.

"Are you mocking me? I care about the galaxy and I'm on a mission to save the environment."

"Oh, don't act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren't on any mercy mission."

"So much you know. I'm fulfilling my duty of public service. I want it on my transcript when I apply to university."

Kris rolls his eyes.

"Oh, brother! Where is she going, University of Dumb Chicks?"

Anakin snaps his finger as he scolds his youngest child.

"Hey! Cut it out! You might learn a thing or two."

"What did I do?"

"Nothing yet, but I feel it coming."

Alex quietly breaks into song while his siblings sheepishly giggle as he mocks their father.

"Feelings…woo-o-o…feelings…oh-oh… feelings...for all my life."

Leia kicks him under the table. She mouths the words 'Stop it', but she can no longer hold her laughter. She pulls away from the table.

"I'll help clear the table."

The family leaves the dining table as the meal ends. Anakin quickly disappears to the sunroom. Something causes him to stand still. The Dark Lord remains quiet for a moment to evaluate his surroundings. He is not alone. A strange voice calls to him.

"Pabo!"

He sees the two grandchildren in the playpen. There is no sign of Han or Leia.. Anakin closes his eyes and whispers to himself.

"This can't be happening to me."

He cautiously leans over and looks at them as if peering down into the abyss of a Utapaun sinkhole.

"I see you've been banished to the quiet room. What are you two up to?"

The two diminutive 'creatures' stare up at Anakin.. He looks around the room again as if he expects someone to rescue him and then peeks inside the playpen again with one eye open. Jaina and Jacen Solo smile up at the towering figure of their grandfather. Two tiny white specks glistening from their pink drooling gums. The sight of them is almost hypnotizing. Anakin blinks and slowing steps backwards. As the distance between him and the playpen widens, he hears a whimper. The cherubic creatures continue to look at him. Jacen reaches to be picked up and Jaina follows. Jacen begins to cry. Anakin panics.

"Okay, okay…calm down. Uhm…You wanna be picked up? Ewww…okay but I'm not hanging around for long. Your parents should be here to look after you."

Anakin slowly walks up to the playpen and reaches for Jacen. The infant calms down.

"Hmmm…you look comfortable." Jacen immediately rests his head on Anakin's shoulder. "Don't drool on the shirt…it's new."

Just at this moment, Jaina cries out and reaches for Anakin to pick her up too. Anakin sighs heavily, then reaches inside the playpen, and scoops her up too. He gently bounces the twins in his arms. They immediately calm down; they coo and laugh.

"Ghee ga loo loo leh."

"What the hell?"

"Nerra numa…chee freetaa wackus."

He continues to entertain the children.

"You like that, eh? Well, don't get used to it. Your parents should be here soon."

Isabel happens to pass by on her way to the kitchen. She watches quietly when she sees Leia. Isabel waves her over and the two spy on Anakin and the twins. Anakin tosses the twins in the air. The room fills with laughter

Isabel whispers to Leia. "You think we should step in and make a rescue?"

"That depends on who is being rescued…I want to see him panic if he thinks no one is coming to get them."

Isabel leaves Leia at the doorway. Leia waits a few moments before she walks into the room. The twins are in midair when Anakin hears her.

"Are you three having fun?"

Anakin quickly catches the twins and thrusts them into her arms.

"Hey, it's about time you showed up. You shouldn't leave your kids unattended. You and Han are the worst parents in the galaxy."

"Yeah…I knew you were going to say that."

Jacen reaches for Anakin.

"Pabo!"

"You really want to be with this miserable man?" She hands the baby to Anakin. He cringes and backs away.

"Don't hand him to me!"

"For some unexplained reason, he's taken a liking to you."

"Hey, kids do like me."

"They don't know any better."

"I've got stuff to do anyway."

Anakin quickly leaves the room.

The house is eerily quiet as Anakin enters the living room. Where has everyone gone? Still, he senses a presence in the room. Over in the corner, someone sits alone in in a chestnut brown recliner. Soft music is playing on the stereo. Anakin approaches the dimly lit alcove and sees his old friend.

Obi-Wan looks up at him.

"If you're looking for the kids, they're long gone."

"I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. It has been awhile since we last spoke."

"What are you talking about, Anakin? We spoke during dinner."

"Barely! You sat at the table while my kids mocked me. I have some things to discuss with you."

"Oh yeah? What's on your mind, Anakin?"

"Years ago, after Master Qui-Gon died; you were entrusted with my care as I trained to become a Jedi."

"Yes, we all know how that turned out." Obi-Wan takes a sip of whisky from the crystal shot glass.

"Well, the circle is now complete. Back then, I was but a learner; now…"

"Is this a speech or are you going to get to the point, Anakin?"

"Why didn't you tell me about that place on Yavin 4 in the Massassi Jungle?"

"Oh, that! Has the old devil been confessing his sins to you?"

"He didn't have to. I knew the moment I saw the evidence in that pit."

"So, what do you want from me, Anakin?"

"Why didn't you tell me, Obi-Wan?"

"There was no need to make matters more complicated than they already were. You were a young man full of angst. You had a lot on your mind back then and you lost your mother after that. I didn't think you could take much more heartache."

"I trusted you. Why couldn't you trust me? You didn't think I could handle it?"

"Honestly? No. You almost made a mess of your life; and you still trusted that old bag of bones who claimed to care for you as his son."

"Why didn't you tell me what they did?"

"You were too angry and stubborn to believe anyone back then."

"Well if you didn't drink so much…"

"Oh, yes, you were about to corner me in here for an intervention. Your children made good their escape before you could pull them into it."

"Uhm…"

"Anakin, I could always read you."

"Everyone is worried about you, Master."

"No, Anakin, You are the one who is worried and everyone is worried about you. I know what you want. You want to get the full story on the holocron tablets and those blasted Midi-chlorian manipulations…whatever you call those things. Let it go! You have a good life…"

"Master Yoda said the same thing."

Obi-Wan looks around for the decanter of Whyrren's. He finds it on the end table. Anakin reaches for it but Obi-Wan is quicker. The aging Jedi master grabs it and scolds Anakin. There is a bit of laughter as he grabs onto the decanter.

"Oh-ho-ho! No…no…no." He refills his shot glass. There is a satisfied smile on his face. "Sit down, Anakin."

"I don't want to sit."

"Sit! You're making me dizzy."

"That's because you're drunk."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Anakin utters a heavy sigh then plops down into a red leather armchair facing Obi-Wan. He rests his chin in his palm as he listens to Obi-Wan recollect what he knows about the secret room under the Lhaasi Desert. After telling Anakin all he knows, Obi-Wan looks at his former apprentice. Anakin sits silently. Obi-Wan hands Anakin a shot glass filled to the brim.

"Have a drink."

"I don't want a drink."

Obi-Wan waves his had in front of Anakin's face.

"Yes you do."

"I guess I do."

Anakin accepts the drink. He gulps down the clear amber liquid. Obi-Wan watches with amazement. He then checks the carafe to see how much of the pricey and potent alcohol remains. Anakin blinks a few times as the liquid flows down his throat. He is a wine drinker and this glass of whisky has a strange effect on him. He begins to cry. Obi-Wan sits back in his chair and waits.

"Are you okay, Anakin?"

Anakin is still holding the shot glass. In a soft, almost woeful tone, he responds.

"Why did you tell me?"

"You asked me to."

"When did you ever do what I asked you?"

"Uhm…never?"

"Oh, God!" Anakin sighs and then slumps over. His head falls between his knees. His arms hang towards the floor like a ragdoll. Obi-Wan leans over to get a better look at the depressed Dark Lord.

"Anakin? Anakin? Oh, we've lost him."

Threepio happens by and looks at his master. He stares over at Obi-Wan.

"Oh dear! My master is dead!" The shocked protocol droid begins to bawl. Obi-Wan rolls his eyes as he dispels the droid's dreaded fear.

"No, not yet…just dead drunk." He giggles.

"That is not funny, General Kenobi!"

"Oh, it will be when he wakes up in the morning."

"Poor Master Ani."

"Well, my golden friend, I believe I will be heading home now."

"What? What am I supposed to do with him? What if he stops breathing?"

A strange guttural sound erupts from the unconscious Dark Lord…he is snoring.

"Let him stay where he is. He'll be fine. I'm going to take my leave."

"Alone? Miss Bunny has left already…and you've been drinking... "

"Yes, and it was wonderful. Dinner was splendid as usual."

"Why do you drink so much, Master Kenobi?"

"It's not fattening, and it tastes great. How many things can you say that about? …and it's none of your bloody business."

"Well! Humph!" The insulted protocol droid walks away in a huff. Obi-Wan leaves the house. Anakin is still passed out in the chair.

It is morning. Anakin has not moved from the leather chair all night. He is in the same droopy position where Obi-Wan left him the night before. Artoo rolls by and sees the shot glass in Anakin's hand. The droid extends his metallic arm and releases the glass from Anakin's hand.

Anakin winces at the sound of something being placed on the end table beside him. He opens one eye and manages to turn his head. He sees a glass filled with a green viscous liquid.

"What the 'eff' is this?"

"Hangover juice. Good morning to you too, Mr. Grumpy."

"You let me sleep here all night?" He looks up at Isabel.

"You were passed out. Bon Appétit." She walks away. Threepio is standing close by.

"Master Ani, you were dead to the world."

"Well, if someone had woken me, I would be fine! This is the worst family in the galaxy. No one cares!"

He gulps down the green juice and promptly belches. He stands and then makes his way upstairs to shower and change. He is still annoyed by all the things that Obi-Wan Kenobi had revealed to him the night before. His hangover quickly subsides but he is still in a foul mood but manages appear grateful to Isabel for getting him through the morning.

He stops by the sunroom where Isabel is pruning a Sullustan bonsai tree that Li-An had given her.

"Uhm…that crap you gave me hit the spot. I feel much better…thanks, honey."

"You're welcome." She continues to work on the tree.

"Sorry for being a blockhead this morning…and yesterday."

"Apology accepted."

"Okay…I'm heading to the office. I'll be home for dinner."

"See you then."

Anakin leans over and kisses his wife.

The parking bay is empty except for his speeder and cruiser. He walks over to his speeder and looks down. A scowl appears on his face.

"How many times have I told Kris to put his hover board away? I could have fallen and broken my neck."

He grabs the board, places it on the charging rack, then gets into his speeder and drives off to Coruscant City.

Meanwhile, it is a busy day at the TaggeMart. Tyler Spingol, the Junior Stock manager for the Senior Citizen Greeters, walks into the employee lounge. He is instituting some policy changes. Tyler tacks a tablet on the holocron dry erase board.

"Okay guys, listen up. Today, we need to bump up sales. TaggeMart management wants to make sure you are all pulling your weight. I need everyone to do 20 percent more power greeting. Customer service is the key. Don't forget about those employee incentives. Also, I need a couple of you old folks to work on a special project. There's overtime if you're interested."

There is some discussion and whispering amongst the senior workers. Some of the seniors mutter to themselves about getting back to the retirement home in time for dinner and bridge night. Lorian and Palpatine are interested in the overtime and possible promotion to team captain. This will be their chance to take over and tell the other seniors what to do.

Old Palps is in scheming mode this morning. He whispers to Lorian Nod.

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the old farts. At last we will have revenge."

"Dano, I don't care about revenge. I just want the overtime pay. That will be a sweet chunk of change when the gig is done. I have a date this week with widow Henne."

"But Jack Dodonna is looking at the assignment posting. What if he gets it?"

"Let's find out if he's going to compete for it."

They walk over to Jack Dodonna who is sipping on his favorite beverage, a Muja Fizz pop. Lorian is coy as he walks over and speaks to his TaggeMart colleague.

"Sooo…Jacko, are you going to try for some overtime?"

"That depends. Who wants to know?" He holds onto the top of the blue straw as it bobs in the carbonated liquid.

"Well, my friend Mr. Palpatine and I have been here longer than you so we should get preference for any special assignment."

"Is that so? What makes you so sure you'll get it?" Jack takes another sip from his pop bottle. Nod shouts back at him.

"We're entitled!"

Jack looks towards the door. A wry smile creeps across his face.

"Well, here he comes now." Jack meets Tyler halfway across the room.

"Hey, Ty. What's the deal with this special project?"

"Actually, I've got two. Stock relay team and customer service escort."

Lorian Nod interrupts as he steps between Tyler and Jack.

"Tyler, Dani, and I have been here longer so we should have dibs on the assignments."

Jack eyes Lorian with doubt.

"Is that so? As I recall, you two clowns came on board two years after I started. You haven't done anything but bicker and scheme the whole time."

Lorian Nod yells back at Jack.

"Scheme? You're accusing us of scheming? We see you chatting with the rest of the staff, rolling your eyes and mocking me and Dani."

"Oh, hush!"

Tyler watches as the two old men argue. Tyler believes the TaggeMart regional office has set him up to fail. TaggeMart hires teen managers and pairs them with older staff as part of the Coruscant High School Business Achievement Program. TaggeMart figures that, eventually, the teens would quit and the company would not be required to hire teen management. Tyler is determined to come out victorious.

"Uhm…guys…I did say we have two assignments. Stock relay is double overtime…lots of heavy lifting…I need someone who is agile and not afraid of heights."

Jack ponders for a moment.

"I'm in pretty good shape. I hike the Manarai Mountains a few times a year."

Palpatine protests.

"But Nod and I are up for consideration. You've already done a special project. Dani and I have the stamina to do this job. We are superior beings."

"You're right…you go for it."

"I am glad that you can be reasonable."

"Well, it's better than arguing with a has-been megalomaniac."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"You'll rue the day you dared to insult me."

"Pathetic sith!"

There is a sudden gasp from the other workers in the room. They are waiting for retaliation but nothing happens. Tyler appears to be clueless to the name-calling. He looks around then speaks.

"Well, it looks like we have our volunteers. There it is! Palps and Nod, I'll see you upstairs on the inventory deck. We need to get to work immediately."

Palpatine walks pass Jack Dodonna and whispers to him.

"Your feeble insults are no match for the power of the Dark Side. You will pay the price for your lack of vision!"

"Ooh shut up you old coot! Go take a flying leap into a reactor shaft."

There is a standoff. Jack is ready to take a swing at the former emperor but Lorian Nod pulls the old sith lord just in time.

Tyler heads out of the break room and calls Lorian and old Palps.

"Come on, guys, I've got work to do and my mom is picking me up this afternoon. I can't be late."

Tyler secretly would love to watch the arguing geriatrics get into fisticuffs with one another but he does not want to have to call the mall medical technicians in case one of the scrappy old men breaks a hip or collapses from cardiac arrest. What a day this is turning out to be!