Chapter 50AE

'Ding Dong, The Sith Is Still Dead!'

'A-wake'

'Don't Cry for This Palpatina'

'Self Help Sith'

Screen Crawl: Nearly 24-hours pass. A hastily organized funeral is arranged in theBuonamorte Funeral Home Family members make a fuss about rescheduling their activities to attend the service for the departed Palpatine. Alex reluctantly cancels a pre-Befana Eve concert on Kashyyyk. Li-An and Luke were planning to help Farmworkers on Tatooine. Anakin has made his decision and does not wish to hear any excuses. Leia and Han leave the twins with Gladys on the day of the service.

Kris is not happy about wearing a blazer and long trousers. He complains.

"A tie? Do I have to?"

Isabel adjusts his tie and straightens his collar.

"Your father wants everyone to attend."

"Maaan…I thought we would be excused since Old Palps caused so much trouble and tried to kidnap us…except Ana-Lena. He probably thought she wasn't worth the grief."

"I heard that, pipsqueak!"

Isabel combs his hair as Ana-Lena walks in the room. Isabel checks her daughter's attire. Ana-Lena knows this and turns to her mother.

"What?"

"I'm just checking before your father walks in and says something."

"But I don't understand why we have to be there. Why should anyone care what I wear? Old Palps was a creepy old man and only thought of himself."

"I guess your father has his reasons."

"Well, I won't be in the mourning mode. You won't see me crying."

Kris chimes in as his mother examines his hair for the last time.

"Me neither!"

Isabel smiles and gives Kris a kiss on his forehead.

"Okay, my rebellious children. Go sit quietly while I see what's going on with your father."

"You mean do nothing until we have to leave for the funeral?"

"Just stay out of trouble. Can you do that for me?"

Ana-Lena looks at her brother and nods.

"Sure. We can manage. Right, Kris?"

"I will, but I won't like it."

Neither child gets a response from their mother. Isabel leaves the room in search of her husband.

There is a meeting in Anakin's study.

"But Dad…I simply don't see the point. Everyone's got busy schedules. Why are we doing this? It's not as if he's done us any favors."

A voice in the corner of the room chimes into the conversation.

'He dropped dead….that was favor enough.'

'Damn, right about that. I'm wondering what took him so long!'

'Took a school kid to do him in. Incredible! Hah!'

'Finally! Someone executed an Order 66 on his wrinkled old ass.'

'I hope they pay for that kids' college education.'

'Yeah, so he doesn't have to work at that sithhouse TaggeMart anymore.'

The specters of Qui-Gon Jinn and Mace Windu break into raucous laughter and fist bump one another.

Anakin is a bit irritated by the two Force Ghosts.

"Excuse me; I am having a discussion with my son. Could you keep your comments to a minimum?"

Luke shrugs. Anakin notices this. He does not appreciate anyone encouraging the opinionated force spirits. Luke tries to be serious for a moment.

"They do have a point, Dad."

"What?"

"If it weren't for that student at the TaggeMart, we wouldn't be here discussing the old devil."

"Luke, you disappoint me once more."

"But, Dad…"

"A funeral is a funeral, Luke."

"Dad, the two of you have hardly spoken or been on good terms for a long time. If it's guilt, then you have no worries. Get on with your life."

"I want a clear conscience."

Qui-Gon rolls his eyes.

'Clear conscience! Great!'

Mace Windu shakes his head in dismay.

'Anakin, you have really lost your marbles now. You still having PTSD from that time on Mustafar?'

Qui-Gon smiles.

'So, 'Hot Foot,' how much is this funeral dirge costing you?'

Mace chuckles as Qui-Gon mocks Anakin.

'Yeah, what's in your wallet, Anakin?'

"None of your business. Will all of you please leave?"

'What's your problem? We only stopped by to help. Don't you want our advice?'

"Did I ask for your advice?"

Qui-Gon scratches his head.

'You can be ungrateful sometimes, Anakin.'

Mace Windu agrees.

'After all these years, you're still an ungrateful mofo**'

Anakin resents the accusation.

"You bust in here and you tell me I'm ungrateful?"

'Well, we're dead…but did we harp on that? We forgave you.'

Qui-Gon is distracted. He looks up at the bookshelf and smiles sardonically as he glances at the self-help book titles, all the while murmuring to himself : 'Walking the Boga', 'Anatomy of the Force Spirit: The Ten Stages of Healing the Sith Within', 'Many Lives, Many Masters,' 'Do or Do Not. There is No Try.'Anakin's former master, however, is still involved in the pulls the last book off the shelf and blows the, months of accumulated dust off the top then winks.

'Do or Do Not. There is No Try.' He points to the book. 'Did you really read this?'

He gets Mace Windu's attention and points to the collection of books. Master Windu grins and smirks.

'Who's the editor? Whoever he was, he must have jumped out the window after reading the transcript.'

The dark lord does not respond to their facetious comments. He is annoyed that Hobson, the butler, did not dust his bookshelves. He then remembers that his off-limits to the housekeeping staff. Qui-Gon continues to speak.

'Well, Anakin had nothing to do with my death. Darth Maul killed me….just saying. But I am pissed off that the old coot had the gall to attend my funeral.'

Anakin finally responds.

"Ohhh…here we go! I apologized for that, Master Qui-Gon. How many times do I have to say, 'I'm Sorry? Aw, come on! I was just a child when that happened. I had no say in the matter."

Anakin sees Aayla Secura sitting in the window. She is flipping through pages of one of his men's fashion magazines and appears disinterested in the conversation.

"So, Madame, do you have something to add?"

The beautiful Twi'lek force ghost is calm but philosophical in her response.

'No…no…you've suffered enough, Anakin. Besides, I find it exhausting to hold grudges.'

Master Windu interjects.

'I have no problem holding a grudge! It's too late for the Jedi code for me to worry about repercussions from emotions. Dark side my ass! Ain't nobody got time for that!'

Luke giggles. Anakin scowls at him. Luke stops laughing then shrugs. There is a goofy smile on his face.

Another voice joins the conversation.

'Well, I wasn't too pleased to be taken from the world of the living.'

Anakin throws up his arms.

"Ah! And here he is; a day late and two parsecs short! Welcome to the 'bitch and moan' club, Master Ki-Adi-Mundi. Anyone else have any grievances?"

'I hear you're giving that old geezer a funeral he doesn't deserve. Again, we are betrayed. I had my whole life ahead of me. I made plans!'

"Fine! You're invited to make your eulogy."

Ki-Adi responds with almost childlike surprise.

'You mean…we can do that?'

"Weren't you going to do it anyway? Well, here's your chance to trash the old man. Enjoy the show. I'm done!" Anakin throws up his hands once more in defeat.

Ki-Adi Mundi furrows his fluffy white eyebrows and points to Anakin.

'What's his problem?'

Aayla continues looking through the pages of the magazine as she responds.

'Ohhh…he's upset that no one else is crying their eyes out over the old man.'

Ki-Adi Mundi snorts a sarcastic laugh.

'What does he expect? The old buzzard was a murderous maniacal dictator!'

Qui-Gon chuckles and breaks into a few bars of 'Dani Boy'. The other Force Ghosts laugh.

'Oh, Dani boy
The palps, the palps are calling
From friends to foe you threw them down the mountain side
The Siths are gone
And all your family has fallen
Tis you, tis you must go and die'

Isabel knocks and enters the room. She finds Anakin and Luke in a heated discussion.

"Anakin, we should be leaving. The children are getting restless. Is everything alright?"

"Everything is just dandy. I was just about to leave. Luke, will you be joining the family at the funeral home?"

"Sure! Why not? I can't wait to see this floor show."

Aayla sings sweetly as she flips through the last pages of the magazine.

'Don't cry for this Palpatin-a…the truth is we never liked you…not for one bit…All through your vile days…your evil existence…Now keep you promise…stay six-feet under…'

Ki-Adi-Mundi stands and listens.

'Wow…Aayla, you have a beautiful voice; I never really listened to it before.'

'You never listen to anyone until it's too late…jerk.' Aayla has read enough of the men's' fashion magazine and tosses it in the window seat. She follows the others out the room.

Mace and Qui-Gon sing a more upbeat tune with a few choice expletives thrown in as they exit the room. Ki-Adi Mundi tries to join in as the others march through the door. Typical of the former Jedi master, he is out of step and barely knows the lyrics. Mace and Qui-Gon continue singing. Aayla performs a Twil-lek cha-cha as she follows them.

Ding Dong! The Sith is dead. Which old Sith? The Sidious Sith!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Sith is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Sith is dead. He's gone where the gundarks go,
Below - below - below. # *!#F*You## *!#F*You#

Master Windu snaps his fingers and smiles.

'I got to admit, that's a catchy–ass tune! Those little Jawas can write a song! Man! Come on, Anakin; sing along, you know you want to.'

Anakin rolls his eyes and walks out of the room. He ushers his family to the waiting speeder limousine. The chauffeur holds the door as Isabel steps in wearing a garnet-colored velvet and satin knee length cloak. The children, tastefully attired…just not for a funeral, follow. Anakin gets in last.

"Well, don't you all look festive. Celebrating something?"

Anakin is the only one dressed in black He does not speak again until they arrive at the funeral home. The limo heads into town.

'A-Mourning we will go...'Hi-ho, the derry-o…'