Chapter 51AE
'Ding Dong, the Sith Is Still Dead!' Part II
'Don't Cry for This Palpatina'
'M&M's: 'More Mourners'
'Son of Anarchy'
He Ain't Heavy…He's Just A Lot Older'
'Closure'
'A-Mourning we will go...Hi-ho, the derry-o…'
Screen Crawl: First, it was Jedi weddings and now a Sith funeral. Unsuspected mourners abound at the Buonamorte Funeral Home. Even the dark lord is shocked. The Skywalker family tries to keep their spirits high. The Force spirits make their contribution as well; unfortunately, Buonamorte loses control of the service and his funeral home as unscheduled eulogies take over...
Threepio and R2D2 arrive early and take aisle seats on the second row. Threepio turns to the astromech droid after scanning the room at the other mourners.
"Remember, Artoo, I only followed you here to make sure you don't do anything reckless. I am not here to participate in this charade of a funeral. Master Ani is too forgiving. He should have dumped old 'lizard skin' in that sand pit on Tatooine. It would have been a more fitting send-off. He could have wiped his hands clean of the whole episode."
Artoo beeps and whistles as he makes a comment about the funeral display. Threepio responds.
"Yes. It is quite an elegant display. Pity they couldn't burn him alive on Mustafar, but then we wouldn't be here to comment about it. There is always a down side to this sort of thing. Surprising…there appears to be a steady stream of mourners. He's getting quite a send-off, indeed. I didn't know he still had any friends."
Artoo chuckles and attempts to enlighten the protocol droid. Threepio looks around the room again.
"Oh! Well, that's not right…what a bunch of hypocrites!"
The Old Empire Slumber Chapel at the Buonamorte Funeral home is filled to capacity. A somber funeral dirge can be heard through the PA system. Lorian Nod arrives in a grief-stricken state as he is led to his seat by one of the ushers. He is accompanied on the arm by a tall, curvaceous blonde in her thirties. She towers over the aging and disgraced former Jedi. Her name is Delilah Coco DeMilo. She walks with Lorian to the black lacquered coffin with gold finials. Lorian gingerly touches the lid of the coffin takes a deep, sorrowful breath. Delilah pats him on the back of the head as they turn away. The couple sits in the second row across the aisle from the section reserved for the Skywalker family. Lorian has not mourned for anyone so much since his old friend Count Dooku met his demise. He has lost his last friend from the Old Empire.
Buonamorte nervously stands in the entrance as the guests arrive. He pulls out a fresh handkerchief and pats the sweat from his forehead. Alex chuckles and whispers to Luke that the endless supply of handkerchiefs remind him of the masked acrobatic performers at the Mon Calamari Circus.
Obi-Wan arrives with Aunt Bunny. As usual, she is dressed for a party and not for mourning. The turquoise spandex cocktail dress is adorned with kyber crystal fringe with matching stilettos. Everyone can hear the fringe rustling as she makes her way up the aisle with her husband. Mara giggles and whispers to Luke, "Sounds like a thousand lightsabers crashing to the floor!"
"Shhh!" Luke tries not to laugh but Mara's facial expressions make him break his composure. Li-An and Alex are seated with them. Mara looks up at the ceiling.
"The music is so sad!" She giggles. Luke listens to the background music. It is from an unfinished Mon Calamari requiem. A smile creeps across his face. Luke whispers to Mara.
"Mara, were you smoking a death stick?"
"Just a little bitty one." She measures with her thumb and index finger then smiles. Luke shakes his head in disbelief.
"Oh, Geez, you're high."
Anakin arrives with the rest of the Skywalker family. He sits in the front row with Obi-Wan. Bunny reaches across the seats to give Anakin a warm hug. He notices her cocktail dress. Leia and Han finally arrive. They sit in the front row to the far left of Anakin. Leia wears an ivory chiffon pantsuit with gold swirl flocking. Han wears a brown suit and his favorite fedora. Anakin looks to his left down the row of seats. He notices Han and remembers the hat from their trip to Yavin 4. He gives Han an icy stare. Han winks but Anakin does not respond. Leia leans over and whispers to Han.
"I think he wants you to remove your hat."
"I had it cleaned! It's not as if we were in the theatre or anything. Who's he? 'The Dark Lord of the Dress Code' today?"
"Just do it. He's in a mood. Don't aggravate him. I don't want to attend two funerals this week."
"Why two? Oh."
Han utters an audible sigh and places his hat under the chair. This is not his first choice to spend the day. Lando had invited him for a game of Sabacc with a few of their associates from the days on Cloud City. Now he is sitting a few seats away from a father-in-law who would encase in in carbonite at a wave of a hand.
Han's frustration does not last long however. He points to the coffin in the front of the room and laughs at the portrait next to the coffin. In the portrait the former emperor is wearing his TaggeMart vest and nametag. It looks as if someone photo-shopped a hologram of him from the Old Republic days and added the vest. The portrait was provided by the TaggeMart Corporation along with a memorial wreath of red Felucia roses and lilies. The inscription on wreath sash reads:
'A Loyal TaggeMart Employee: Truly, Madly, Deeply Dead'
There is also a floral spray on the closed coffin with a black satin banner across the bottom: "Rocky, stay down!" Han points to himself as he smiles proudly. Leia shakes her head in disbelief and rolls her eyes.
General Cassio Tagge arrives accompanied by siblings Orman and Domina. They walk up to inspect the wreath and then pass by the coffin. On his way back to his seat, he stops in front of Anakin and bows slightly. He whispers to the Dark Lord.
"He was one of TaggeMart's most enthusiastic senior workers. After your period of mourning, perhaps we can sit down with the rest of the top military brass and settle our differences."
Anakin looks at Tagge with a puzzled expression.
"Why would I want to do that?"
"Well…I uhm…"
"Tagge, I don't have time for this. Go sit down and pretend you're sorry the old man is dead."
Tagge awkwardly nods then proceeds back down the aisle with his entourage and takes his seat. Obi-wan turns and raises his flask as Tagge makes eye contact with him.
As the room fills, Anakin notices a guest he has never seen before. It is an older gentleman with reddish hair. The guest discreetly takes a seat near the last few rows across the aisle. There is quiet demeanor about him. Anakin and Obi-Wan appear to be the only ones who notice is arrival. Obi-Wan leans over and whispers in Anakin's ear.
"More mourners…this is unusual. I've got a bad feeling about this. We must be cautious."
Anakin does not respond, instead, he looks down and reads the program. There is a typographical error at the top of the page above a holograph of the former emperor:
'Palpatine's Funeral Mess'
In Memory of Dantius S. Palpatine - former Chancellor, Emperor, Sith, and TaggeMart Active Senior Store Greeter
Born: 82 BBY Died: 10-11 ABY Reborn? Really Dead: 22 ABY
The recorded music stops. Suddenly the doors close with an eerie screech and a dull thud. Two red cloaked guards position themselves at the doors. Several stormtroopers are stationed outside to fend off protestors. Li-An whispers to Luke.
"I guess we're not getting out any time soon."
Mara is startled by the sudden noise. Luke stares at her as she shrieks then giggles uncontrollably. Li-An covers his mouth and pretends to cough. His face turns red. Mara sees his face and lowers her head. Kris turns to watch what is going on behind him. Isabel gently but firmly turns his head towards the front. Ana-Lena quickly moves to a seat in the second row with her older siblings.
The funeral director approaches the podium three steps above the coffin. He pulls out his handkerchief, pats his sweaty brow, and then nervously speaks into the microphone.
"Greetings to family, friends, and guests to the memorial service for Signore Dantius Palpatine. He lived a very long life…longer than anyone expected or wanted. Now he has left us for good. Some people happy…some…not so much, but we welcome everybody to celebrate his death. Right now, I welcome Lord Skywalker to say a few words about this old soul who lies in this little black coffin before us. It's a nice coffin…one of my best sellers, it comes in five colors: Mustafar red, Kashyyyk blue, Tatooine Sand, silver, and black. Catalogs and business cards are available in the lobby. They're very nice."
Buonamorte's shameless plug for his funeral home falls on deaf ears. He gestures for Anakin to step up the podium.
Anakin stands and makes his way to the podium. He reaches into the inside pocket of his black suit jacket and puts on his new eyeglasses. He unfolds a sheet of paper. Mara buries her face in Luke's shoulder. Aunt Bunny turns and grabs Mara's hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.
"It's alright, honey. Cry it out if you have to. No one is here to judge."
Alex, Li-An, and Luke try not to make eye contact. They are all trying to suppress their laughter. Anakin can hear the muffled giggles as he glances in their direction. He begins to speak.
"I know what many of you must be thinking. Why? Why a funeral for this man? Yes, we have had a dysfunctional relationship. It has not been easy but he was the only father I have ever known. Unfortunately, he made bad choices about my future, and I took a path I would soon regret. Over the past couple of decades, I have tried to make him turn away from the dark side. He was on the right track when he began working for TaggeMart. I believe the career change humbled him and made him rethink his life. He felt a sense of satisfaction in his new job. His life away from the spotlight made him appreciate the love of family. He was even making friends in the Shady Acres Retirement community. It was a big adjustment from what he was accustomed and it took some time. We even went on a spiritual retreat to help him to turn away from the dark side. He was making progress…and yes, there were a few missteps along the way."
Force ghost Mace Windu interrupts.
'A few missteps, Anakin? Hell, what's a few murders and mysterious injuries at the retirement home? They were about to croak anyway. Missteps my ass…Being a sith is like being a hopeless alcoholic…no offense, Master Kenobi.'
"I beg your pardon! I am a social drinker."
'Yeah…about that. We're going to meet with you later.'
Anakin hears this but raises his voice over the two Jedi.
"Even the worst of us deserves a funeral…"
Another spectral outburst interrupts his speech.
'B-sith!'
Leia giggles as she sees Qui-Gon checking out the funeral wreath and leans on the coffin. Anakin glances over at the specter of his former master, clears his throat, and continues.
"So, here we are: family, friends, and those who knew him. I must admit that I am thankful for knowing him because my life has changed. All the hardships, the losses of family and friends through the years, good things have happened. I believe that if it were not for those hardships and friends who were tough on me, I would have never become a good husband, father, and gra...graf…gran-."
There are hushed voices in the room as the guests cannot understand the last word he said.
"Did he say 'grifter'?"
Obi-Wan holds his flask and turns in his seat to address the guests. He shouts.
"He said 'grandfather.' Pay attention!"
Anakin repeats it.
"Grandfather! Okay? I said it!"
The guests respond in unison.
"Oh! Congratulations!"
"So, life with Dantius Palpatine was a hard but valuable learning experience. I am a better man for it. Thank you, old man."
Buonamorte steps up to the altar. He turns to Anakin and then addresses the mourners.
"Thank you, my friend. Now, someone else would like to remember the departed Palpatine and give the eulogy."
Anakin removes his eyeglasses and places them back in his inside lapel pocket. Han leans over and whispers to Leia.
"He's really working those new glasses…the nutty professor! Hehehe."
Leia gives him a stern look.
"Shhh! Stop it!"
Anakin steps down from the podium. As he returns to his seat, someone lumbers up to the podium. He finally recognizes the next speaker and expresses his outrage.
"Oh, Hell no!"
Isabel gently rubs his back and reassures her husband.
"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. How bad can it be?"
"We'll see in a moment. Who's responsible for this?"
"Anakin, relax. I'm sure it will be okay."
The eulogy begins.
"Oh Jeesa golly wow! Never thought mesa see dissa day. King of the Sith dead as a rancor. Both practically died the same way, ironic, hey? Jar-Jar wonder how his crumpled body fit in dat coffin." He points to the black coffin in front of the podium. "Mesa know what many of yousa tink… 'Why Jar-Jar give eulogy?' Mesa tink, 'Why not?' Jar-Jar and Ol' Palps come from the same homeworld Naboo. Ol' Jar-Jar knows every crazy scheme Ol 'Sith Palpatine stir up when he was living and breathing. Jar-Jar remembers when crazy Palps tried to kidnap baby Li-An Skywalker during Jedi baptism. Almost got away with it but Master Ani caught him just in time. Palps hired Jar-Jar to do dirty work at Old Empire Headquarters but Jar-Jar smarter dan he look. Mesa work mesa way to employee relations for military staff! And where did Palps wind up? Shady Acres Retirement home and then in this giant shiny shoe box. Boo-yah, poopi Palpi!"
As Jar-Jar chats on about his dealings with the deceased former emperor, Ana-Lena is on her phone with her friend Pepper-Ann. She is recording the service.
"Yeah, Jar-Jar's giving the eulogy. Can you believe it? It's hilarious, Pep. I wish you could be here. Wait! Send it to Soni…"
Suddenly, a black-gloved hand reaches towards her from the front row. It is Anakin waiting to confiscate her phone. Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.
"Uhm…gotta go…the dark hand of fate is taking my phone...bye-."
Kris giggles as he watches a video from the rally. It is the chaos on the plaza where someone tosses a Rodian orange soda on the coffin a day earlier.
"Hah! You did that? You are one awesome girl, Sieg! Cool!"
Once again, the long arm of the dark lord reaches his next victim. Anakin moves his arm around Isabel's back and flicks Kris on the head. Kris surrenders his E-pad.
"Owww!"
Jar-Jar finishes is eulogy.
"So, dissa be the first and last time so many people in one place to say fair-the-well to old crazy sith master Palps. So long you old buzzard! Yousa sandworm food now!"
Armadiglio Buonamorte waits for Jar-Jar to leave the podium. He pulls out his handkerchief and pats his brow.
"Grazie, Signore Binks."
"Grassy, Singalong Bondimole!"
"Now, a member of the family would like to perform a musical tribute to the departed."
Alex stands and makes his way to the grand piano next to the coffin. One of the girls from his band 'The Krayt Dragons,' joins him. It is Liana. She is wearing a silver and black mini skirt and matching midriff top with sleeves. Her exposed midriff reveals a Jedi emblem tattoo on her right side on her fair skin. She holds a tambourine in her left hand. A third guest singer appears. A weary Anakin rubs his forehead as Master Qui-Gon Jinn stands against the coffin. Alex begins to play the piano. The force ghost begins to sing.
The valley is hushed
The flowers are all rotting
The Naboo meadow is a-washed
With a winter's snow
(Alex joins in on the second verse)
'Lone as I stand
At the place Dani's lying
I say a Jedi prayer
Somehow I know
He hears me there
So loud I tread above him
For he will never sleep in peace
We hear Dani's sith voice no more
'Oh, Dani boy
The palps, the palps are calling
From friends to foe you threw them down the mountain side
The Siths are gone
And all your family's fallen
Tis you, tis you must go and die'
But don't come ye back when Jedi roam the Naboo meadow
Or when the Hoth valley is at peace and white with snow
Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh, Dani boy, oh, Dani boy I loathe you so
But don't come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the Hoth valley's hushed and white with snow
Tis I'll be here to kick your headstone over
Oh, Dani boy, oh, Dani boy I loathe you so
Oh, Dani boy, oh, Dani boy I loathe you so
Oh, Dani boy, oh, Dani boy I loathe you so
Kris blows a series of finger whistles.
"Awesome!"
Anakin squints at Kris.
Buonamorte returns to the podium and applauds before speaking into the microphone.
"Let us have a moment of silence."
The funeral director promptly bows his head when someone in the room shouts.
"What?"
Buonamorte cautiously glances into the audience.
"Cosa?"
Someone shouts again.
"He killed my father!"
Everyone's attention is now focused on the back of the room. A male Cerean, several years younger than Anakin, stands in the aisle. Obi-Wan holds onto his flask as he turns to look at the man. The Cerean sports a platinum ponytail neatly tied with a leather cord. He is dressed in attire similar to another famous Cerean Jedi.
Buonamorte almost stammers as he speaks to the man standing in the aisle.
"Con che ha il piacere di parlare, Signore?"
"Hello, my name is Adigo Montoya Mundi. He killed my father. Prepare to die."
The stranger unsheathes a lightsaber. The ominous hum sends mourners crouching in their seats.
"Who killed my father?"
Everyone turns and looks at Anakin.
Luke looks at is father.
"Oh no, Dad, really?"
"Stop looking at me! We didn't have the best relationship but I didn't kill him." Anakin reaches for his lightsaber. Han unclips his shoulder holster and holds his blaster beneath his seat.
Adigo shouts above the commotion twirling and waving his lightsaber.
"There will be blood tonight!"
Obi-Wan yells at him.
"Put that away before someone gets hurt!"
"My name is Adigo Montoya Mundi. I'm looking for the man with the red lightsaber. He killed my father."
Han murmurs to no one in particular.
"We heard you the first time, pal."
The voice of Force ghost Ki-Adi Mundi gasps in embarrassment
'No…no…he's in the box, my son!'
The son of Ki-Adi Mundi looks around until the specter of his father gradually appears before him.
"Father, is that you?"
Ki-Adi makes himself visible.
'Yes, my son. Palpatine is responsible for my death. He's dead now. '
Adigo feels awkward at this moment. He retreats a few steps.
"Oh…Sorry"
Adi beams.
'See that? My son has come to avenge my death. I'm so proud.'
Mace rolls his eyes.
'Should have known…chip off the old block…an hour late and two parsecs short. just as Anakin said. Father and son sharing two brains. So much for the Jedi code about kids and marriage. Looks like every Jedi in this room has broken that rule!'
Adigo looks at the coffin. He points at it with his lightsaber.
"Can I stab the coffin?"
Mace grins.
'That would be funny. Go on, give it a shot!'
Obi-Wan raises his hand.
"There will be no desecration of the dead…not yet."
The Red-Cloaked guards surround Adigo. Three stormtroopers make a commotion as they scuttle around the guards.
Anakin waits for Adigo to power off his lightsaber before he puts away is own. Leia elbows Han who reluctantly takes his finger off the trigger of his blaster. He places it back into the holster.
"I had a good shot at him."
Leia slaps him on the head.
"You were aiming at my father!"
Obi-Wan calms everyone as he stands before the crowd.
Alright, everyone, the matter has been resolved. Let's finish watching the show…uhm the memorial service.
The Stormtroopers return to their positions at the door. One mutters to the others.
"I never get to shoot anybody."
Another stormtrooper replies.
"I've tried but I never hit anything."
Buonamorte pokes his head from behind the podium. He is sweating profusely. He pauses as he tries to catch his breath.
Mara giggles uncontrollably. Anakin glances at his daughter-in-law. Buonamorte, visibly shaken, begins to speak.
"Okay, We have another musical tribute to the departed…Aayla Secura and…uhm… Alex Skywalker on piano.
Aayla speaks into a hand microphone. She sits on Palpatine's black lacquered coffin as if she is a lounge singer performing on the top of a piano. She looks at the coffin and then rolls her eyes.
'This is an ode to you, you wrinkled, dried up old murdering bastard…the history of you if you could hear me…this is what you would say if you had the chance to be honest with yourself…here it goes…'
You might feel queasy; you'll think I'm strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I've done - (aside) 'Really?'
You won't believe me
All you will see is a chancellor you once knew
Although he's dressed up in designer robes
In brocade and velvet in blue - (aside) 'If anyone deserved to die under your hands, it should have been your wardrobe stylist.' [This remark elicits nervous giggles from the guests. Mara's laughter is the loudest. Aayla continues her sultry performance, caressing the coffin.]
I had to let sith happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life on Naboo
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun - (aside) 'You could have used some vitamin D.'
So I chose sithdom
Running around killing someone new everyday
But nothing fulfilled me at all
But Executive Order 66 helped me through
Don't cry for this Palpatina
The truth is I love the power
All through my vile days
My dual existence
Three Sith Apprentices…alas, all disappointments
Have I said too much? There's nothing more as a sith I can think of to relay to you
But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true!
A crescendo of music fills the room.
Aayla drops the microphone. It bounces off the top of the coffin and onto the floor. The guests respond with thunderous applause. The other Force ghosts cheer. Mace gives her a high-five.
'You bring it, girl! You've got talent!'
Anakin rolls his eyes. Things cannot possibly get out of control any more than this.
A typically worried Buonamorte is suddenly soothed by Aayla's beautiful voice. He calmly returns to the podium.
"Senti, senti… E ora, cerchiamo di avere un momento di silenzio per pregare per questo condannato anima che sta dinanzi a noi."
Most of the guests bow their heads. Mara lowers her head, but it is mostly to muffle her giggles. Luke covers his mouth; pretending to be in deep contemplation. Alex and Li-An try to avoid making eye contact with Luke and the other Skywalker siblings.
Suddenly there is another interruption.
"Ahem…I have a few words to say if you please."
Anakin is visibly annoyed. He is ready to force choke the next person who has a song to sing or unplanned eulogy to give.
"Really? This a funeral not a wedding. Who is that?"
Everyone turns in their seats towards the back of the room. The tall man with the reddish hair and dark eyes that Anakin and Obi-Wan noticed earlier rises from his seat. Obi-Wan stares at the stranger and then takes a swig from his flask.
"Oh, boy! This is going to be interesting."
The funeral director is not sure what to do. He looks into the first row at Anakin for some sort of guidance.. The dark lord gestures with his hand to let the man speak.
Buonamorte welcomes the guest to the podium. There is a long silence in the room as the guest tentatively makes his way up the aisle and steps up to the podium. Buonamorte shakes the man's hand.
"How long have you known the departed?"
"Oh, I don't know him at all."
Buonamorte adjusts the microphone so the guest may speak.
"Thank you, Mr. Buonamorte. Well, I cannot tell you all how deeply moved I am that you have allowed me to speak at this funeral service. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be the presence of great Jedi masters, and of course our host, the infamous Lord Anakin Skywalker. It makes it all the more difficult for me to say what I'm now going to say. I have no eulogy. I have no fond memories of the deceased or funny stories to tell as Mr. Binks so eloquently did. Yes, I do feel it's time to set the record straight. You see, I didn't come here just as a curiosity seeker or a member of the protestor on the plaza across the street. I came to this place to settle an old score. It is well known across the galaxy that Dantius Palpatine was a powerful man. He did horrible things to his colleagues, family members, and those he called his friends. He will be called to judgment for all those he has wronged and chaos he created across the galaxy. One young woman who trusted him was betrayed by him. He threatened her life and the life of the child she would soon bear. One of his most despicable actions was the murder of two of her best friends. While the remaining friends were seriously injured, they survived and went into hiding. The young woman changed her name and found refuge on Corellia, then onto Dantooine, moving from time to time to avoid detection. She was part of the rebellion as Palpatine climbed up the ladder of power. She spoke out whenever she saw injustice and inhumanity at the hand of the evil Empire. It was only later, as I prepared to go off to university, that I learned the truth. You understand, don't you, Mr. Nod?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Yes, you do."
Nod turns to the guests as he holds the hand of his lovely escort.
"He's crazy. Dantius was just a misunderstood man."
During this speech, half the audience has dosed off from boredom. Anakin becomes restless as he shifts from side to side in his chair. Obi-Wan drifts off to sleep and is snoring. The flask of Whyren's dangles from his fingertips. The stranger continues speaking.
"I know that you, Mr. Skywalker remembered the deceased as a father figure since your boyhood. Although I did not know him personally, I must admit that my blood ties go further for better or worst. The woman he wronged decades ago was Fern Dor. She had a quirky sense of humor and loved Bimmisaari tea. She had friends who adored her. She was happy. Then 'he' came into their happy circle and destroyed their lives. Boone Antilles who was his loyal friend and Sigrid Horn, the woman he loved but the feelings were not mutual. He murdered them in the same day. I wish I had known them. Fern Dor was my mother and I was the child that he threatened to murder before I drew a breath of Hoth air. My name is Magnus Boone Dor. Dantius Palpatine was my father."
Obi-Wan wakes up from his nap. His flask tumbles to the floor.
"Oh no!"
He scrambles to retrieve it the flask, barely a drop has spilt. He takes a sip.
Anakin sits up and lurches forward in his chair when he hears the end of Magnus Dor's speech.
"What?!"
Magnus Dor continues, and realizes that he has caused a disruption among the guests.
"I did not come to disrupt this service and your period of mourning. But I have not come here to mourn. I cannot mourn someone I have never known. I heard about the death and owed it to my mother's memory to see that this is the end of a terrible chapter for all those affected. And with that, I will leave and bother you no more."
Magnus Dor quietly makes his way to the exit door.
Mara stops giggling but in a soft euphoric voice, she rests her head on Luke's shoulder.
"Oh, that is so sad…and so warped. Papa Palps was a ladies man. A cad, but a ladies man….hmmm…who woulda thought?"
Han chimes in with a comment.
"At least he's not here to avenge someone's death like 'Dork-a Mundi Junior' over there."
Anakin is visibly stunned by the revelations. He angrily snaps at the guests.
"So, anyone else have any announcements? Any more long lost relatives in the room we should know about? Come on, don't be shy, people. It's been an open mic day at the funeral home." He gives a disappointed stare at the Force ghosts who hijacked the service with their musical antics. Mace Windu smiles, almost taunting Anakin.
'Awww, he's mad. We messed up his little tribute for that wrinkled old goat in the body box.'
Isabel gently nudges her husband.
"Anakin, go talk to him. Invite him back for the reception."
Anakin looks at her then leaves his seat.
"Fine!"
He follows Magnus to the door. A few moments later, the two men return and Anakin offers him a seat with the Skywalker family in the front row.
Kris whispers to his mother.
"So, is that old guy our uncle?"
Isabel is embarrassed because Magnus is sitting in the seat next to Kris and can hear the boy. She signals for Kris to stop talking.
"Shhh."
Kris turns and looks up at Magnus and flashes a goofy smile.
Buonamorte speaks at the podium again.
Allora, Signore e signori, Thank for coming today. There will be a reception next door at the Salvatore Buonamorte Trattoria a family-owned business for three generations. It is a Buonamorte family tradition to feed those in mourning. You are welcome to partake in light refreshment courtesy of the Skywalker family.
The red cloaked guards open the front doors of the funeral home. The sound of an angry mob fills the plaza. Several stormtroopers aim their blasters at the crowd. Someone from the crowd fires a paintball blaster and hits two of the troopers. The blue and yellow liquid flows down the white plastoid armor. The troopers run back inside and close the doors. The crowd laughs as they watch three kids reload their paintball blasters.
As the mourners file out of the funeral home, Buonamorte hands Anakin the guest book.
"I hope everything was too your satisfaction, My Lord."
"Thank-you. Is the coffin going to be safe here?"
"Ma, Si, signore. It will be secure here. We have sealed the lid closed with fast-setting carbonite."
"Just as well, I will keep several guards here until the burial. There are hundreds of protestors stationed outside across the plaza waiting for the opportunity to steal the body."
"As you wish. They would be crazy to try."
"That's what I'm afraid of. Come join us at the reception."
Buonamorte bows and wipes the sweat from his forehead.
"Sono molto commosso, Signore."
"You know, I could recommend a good doctor for your hyperhidrosis problem."