Darkness rises and Light to meet it

Author's note:

"In the beginning there was only Chaos, Night (Nyx), Darkness (Erebus), and the Abyss (Tartarus). Earth, the Air and Heaven had no existence. Firstly, blackwinged Night laid a germless egg in the bosom of the infinite deeps of Darkness, and from this, after the revolution of long ages, sprang the graceful Love (Eros) with his glittering golden wings, swift as the whirlwinds of the tempest. He mated in the deep Abyss with dark Chaos, winged like himself, and thus hatched forth our race, which was the first to see the light."

Aristophanes (c. 400 BC) in "Birds"

My sources of inspiration for this story are archaic and very basic in their origin. And some of them very, very dark. They range from primordial gods, to the myth of Hades and Persephone and to Plato's "Symposium. They speak of Eros.

I have borrowed this ancient entity that has sprung from the Night and has been so debated upon since the beginning of time. I have used its carnal side and its divine, and molded it with the four legged being that was man before it was split in two by Zeus. It is a story of everything Eros has ever meant. Darkness, desire, passion, beauty, longing, divinity.

It's not Hannah.

That's the only thought Rey manages to put together. Because the woman is very much human. Tall. With jet, black hair, almond eyes and an olive-skin tone that she shamelessly flaunts under the expensive lace of her dress.

"How long have you been here?" Ben asks. He looks eerily calm, as he moves away from Rey. He circles the woman, robes heavy with rain that drip on the marble floor, studying her with a barely furrowed brow. Rey had expected a more dramatic reaction to the intruder from him.

They are obviously well acquainted it seems, she realizes bitterly.

"We had an appointment." The woman follows his gaze and chuckles, awkwardly.

He stops a few paces away. "You didn't answer my question."

"A while."

He clenches his jaw. In irritation from what she can tell.

The woman approaches him in a fluent gazelle-like walk that makes Rey's skin crawl. "I wasn't informed we'd have company." She smiles, this practiced coy curve of lips that makes her eyes glint. "It changes the arrangement."

"There will be no arrangement. Not tonight."

"Why waste the opportunity? I'm here. Your friend can join."

Ben removes his drenched robes in short, vexed movements. "Caylin, take your things and leave. I'll get in contact with you if I wish to find you."

The woman pouts. "But I've left the night open, just as you commanded."

And suddenly Rey starts to understand the type of arrangement the two of them have and what is taking place right before her eyes. From the way the woman comes to stand close to Ben. Way to close. And studies him under those thick lashes as if he's a meal to have.

Rey steps back feeling her insides churn with disgust.

"Is she the Jedi everyone speaks about?" The woman slides her dark eyes in her direction, seemingly amused. "She doesn't look like one," she chuckles.

Ben raises his hand and a heavy elegant coat flies across the room and into his grasp. "You don't want to aggravate a Jedi," he warns handing the woman the coat. "I believe your business for the night is complete. Don't make me repeat myself."

The woman's composure falters for a split moment at Ben's gesture, and she regards Rey with that practiced smile frozen on her lips. Rey stares back so coldly she barely recognizes herself.

"Don't be mad at me Governor." The woman's demeanor changes. Turns into complacence. She closes the small distance between her and Ben practically rubbing herself against him. Nearly purring. "I'll do as you command. I would be grateful to you if next time you inform me of your change in plans. I do not want to be an inconvenience to you. "

Rey feels like she is going to be sick. As in physically ill. Becayse she's bearing witness to something horrendous happening right before her, and she can't tear her eyes away. Her whole body will surely break into shakes any minute now.

"Who is this?" She turns to Ben. Her distress is obvious in her face, she knows it, but she is powerless to do anything to hide it.

Ben's already clutching the woman's shoulder, tugging her away from him. He seems oddly composed for such a situation. His fixes his dark eyes on Rey for only a split moment.

"She's not someone you should concern yourself about."

"She's in you apartment, Ben. And you were obviously not expecting her. Of course, she's my concern!"

"Rey, not now."

His dismissiveness stings. Rey clenches her fists trying not to allow her feelings slither out into the Force. They are the most erosive thing she has ever felt. And she does not want him to sense them.

He turns to Caylin. His outstretched arm still holds the coat to her, impatiently.

"I believe you have overstayed your welcome. Time for you to go."

She straightens her back and suddenly all the coyness slides away. "I've waited for you for nearly two hours. Surely, you must understand, Governor, that…"

"Enough credits will be wired to your account to cover your losses for the night."

Rey shuts her eyes. Because she can't look at them anymore.

"Thank you, sir. I'll be looking forward to providing my services to you, again." Rey feels the woman's eyes on her, a curiosity emanating from her.

"They won't be needed." He states coldly.

A pause. She can hear the woman's voice hesitate.

"I apologize for intruding, I truly wasn't aware…"

"Go home to your kids, Caylin. I'll make sure your next client is decent enough." He says a little softer.

"Of course, sir… As you wish."

The woman quickly complies. She glances at Rey once more before she exits in quick long strides, heels clicking against the marble floor.

The silence that follows is deafening.

Ben finally looks at her warily, after a few long moments drag. He waits. For the obvious question that has been clawing and eating at her from the second they stepped inside the apartment.

Her voice is quiet. Forebodingly so. "Why was she in your place when you know I am staying with you?"

"I had made plans with her a while back that I didn't cancel."

"How could you…?"

He closes the distance between them in two hasty strides. "Rey, I forgot."

"That's the stupidest excuse I have ever heard."

"I've had too many things on my mind lately. I wouldn't do something like this with you here."

How she wishes she could believe him. She arches a brow. "So, you didn't want me to join your little company?"

He stares at her, clearly at a loss of words. And that speaks a million.

"No, I did not!" He runs his hand through his hair. "What's gotten into you? That is just absurd."

"No! You are the one who is being absurd, thinking that I would comply with your twisted fantasies and your cruel games."

"I don't believe this…" he mutters to himself, letting his hand fall heavily to his side. "Rey, just minutes ago…"

"Minutes ago I would have made a mistake I would regret for the rest of my life!"

The words echo in the space between them. Ben looks stunned at her for a heartbeat before, he rubs his face and grunts in his palm.

"I did not want her anywhere near us. Why is this so hard for you to believe?"

"Because I don't know what to believe with you anymore! You lead me on with the most heartfelt words and then you make me wonder if they mean anything at all to you. That woman…"

"That woman is not important to me. She means nothing."

She snorts this contemptuous sound and crosses her arms in front of her chest. She can't look at him. She really can't.

"You really don't need to explain yourself to me, Governor. I doesn't seem like many women do."

He chuckles to himself and bites his lip obviously in frustration. Rey doesn't see why he should feel that way. He barely cares for anybody else except for himself.

"You misunderstand the kind of…"

"Believe me I don't."

He looks at her and his expression changes. Falls from affronted to thoroughly resolved and determined.

She can sense his gaze sharpen. But Rey can only stare at a painting on the wall, she had initially thought was some abstract art that made no sense. Now, she can very clearly see the two naked bodies mingled together in a whirl of colors and shadows.

She feels disgusted.

Ben approaches slowly, with almost measured steps, reaching to remove the hood of her drenched cloak but Rey takes another step back and raises her eyes to look at him.

It's almost funny watching the color drain from his already pale face. The only color that remains, is the pink healing flesh of his scar. Rey wonders if it could bleed again if she ran a nail down its length.

"Why don't you go inside and change into some dry clothes," he suggests calmly. Placidly. "And I'll get a kitchen droid to prepare us something to eat. We can just relax or watch something on the holonet."

"Eat?" Rey wants to laugh. She wants to laugh her heart out actually. What's the point of keeping it anyway when she's constantly trying to stitch it back together? She tilts her head at him. "You want us to eat after what just happened? You had a prostitute in your place Ben. A prostitute! What more am I to expect from you?"

"It's just a job, Rey. This is what she does for a living."

"Sell her body to satisfy the carnal instincts of men like you?"

"It's a business transaction!"

"We're not talking about surviving here, Ben! I'm sure she could find something else to do in your prestigious Coruscant. You're just empowering her."

"This is what she's chosen to do, Rey. She's had chances to walk away, in the past. They all have. I've made sure of that, but not many do because the credits are too damn good." He huffs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Why are we even discussing this? I want you to let it go. It's upsetting you."

She shakes her head. "I almost feel sorry for Hannah."

"Hannah knows."

She blinks stupidly at him for a split second before gritting her teeth. He is watching her carefully, somberly with those dark eyes inspecting meticulously her every emotion. She want to tell him she has wasted herself on him. Wasted herself in the most pitiful way.

"Well, then. I guess you two deserve each other."

"You don't mean that," he says softly. "You know the truth."

He takes another step towards her and Rey feels like she is suffocating in his presence. As if he is taking all that is wrong in this world and twisting it around, like the good politician he is, turning it into something acceptable. Forgivable.

"You still don't know me do you? I don't care what you do with your fiancée, Ben. If she is fine with all this, than it really doesn't matter what I think."

There is nothing to discuss between them anymore. Nothing to negotiate. He shakes his head, brushing her words aside as if they mean nothing. He looks at her. Eyes as consuming as ever.

"Hannah doesn't want to consummate the marriage, Rey. It's part of our arrangement."

"And that gives you the right to screw half the galaxy? It really means nothing to you, does it?"

"But it means everything to you." He reaches for her again hesitantly but she pulls back. "Rey, I'm not trying to justify myself. I won't be bringing any other…"

"There is nothing you can say to me that can justify what you do!"

His face blanches.

There' this fire catching on her insides. It started with a barely there simmer that Rey had not been aware of, only for her to realize that it is starting to grow into something beastly. And it's an odd fire. It doesn't warm her or fuel her with motivation. It's an icy thing, spreading like death inside her and howling like a winter's wind.

And it is taking control.

His gaze tries to reach for her when his touch is not allowed.

"Rey, you're shivering. Give me your cloak it's soaking wet…"

"Get away from me," she hisses back. She doesn't believe she has felt this cold before in her life. It's an uncanny sensation. Slithering around her heart and whispering in her ear. The susurrations are calling to her. Summoning her to a dark place.

She takes another step away from him and those despairing eyes.

"You're not yourself, Rey. I can tell you're not yourself. I know. Just... come to me, let me help you."

"I am not one of your whores. You don't get to tell me what to do!"

His brow furrows. "One of my whores?"

Something snaps in his expression.

"When did I make you feel like a whore, Rey?"

She grits her teeth and swivels around. No. She is not allowing him to do this to her. Turn her head around with his clever words. She hurries down his entrance hall, commanding the main doors to open wide for her to pass.

Her name falls from his lips merging with the thunder falling in the night. The torrent of rain greets her, cold and unforgiving and merciless. It welcomes her in its embrace.

A strong hand wraps around her arm. It swirls her around bringing her face to face with him. Ben is enraged and furious and there is something wrecked in his gaze. "When did I make you feel like a whore, Rey? Answer me!" He bellows at her over the pouring rain.

She narrows her eyes wishing she could drag him down to that cold place inside her. Make him feel the barren wastelands of her heart. He's their creator. "You did just minutes ago," she spits at him.

"You compare yourself to Caylin? To Hannah? You compare us and what has been happening between the two of us to them?"

"No. That's what you do," she grits under his livid expression. "Do you make Hannah play the same games, Ben? Command her to do things she doesn't want to do?"

"I have never forced you into anything you didn't want to do."

Rey wants to scream. She wants to slap him across the scar and ruin him. "Liar! Yesterday night…"

"Yesterday night you wanted me to touch you! Your whole body sang for me to touch you and you felt too embarrassed to admit it to your own self."

A lightning crackles in the sky behind him. It bathes their surroundings in electrifying light and makes him look wretchedly beautiful. She snarls at his pale face.

"No."

"There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed about how you feel about me, Rey…" his black hair is clinging to his face and neck and streaks of water are falling around his cheeks. And those burning eyes hold droplets of rain on their lashes. As if they could be tears.

As if this man could ever be capable of tears.

"You don't know how I feel!"

As if this man could ever be capable to feel…

"You are jealous! Your feelings are so naked in front of me it drives me nearly mad watching you repress them. I wanted you to see them yesterday, Rey. Maker, I wanted you to see how beautiful they are…'

She grunts at him. This choked sound that struggles to be released.

But he only goes on. "Don't' take away what last night meant…"

Something inside her roars.

"Stop it!"

Her Force shove hits him on his chest. It sends him crashing across the slippery pavement and almost to the edge of the landing bay. She is in the air in a split second. And straddling his body in the next with the blade of her ignited saberstaff to his throat.

His hand flies to her upper chest. As if he could ever stop her from cutting him down.

The night comes alive under the crackle of another lightning.

Ben blinks at her in the stinging rain. Pants under her blade. She can see the rain sizzle on the blue stream of light and reflect on his widened eyes.

"Don't be afraid," he dares to speak. This powerful man spread completely at her mercy on the ground beneath her, a strike away from dying. "I feel it too."

She clenches her jaw.

The press of his hand on her chest falls away. And then suddenly thick fingers weave into her hair and the palm of his hand cups her cheek. It is so large and strong and yet so gentle, it splits her right in the middle. His fingers snake into the back of her head and then he lifts himself carefully on his forearm, eyes fixed solely on hers.

"Don't." She grinds at him

The beam of her saberstaff cinches a little of his skin, as Ben inches closer. Her eyes sting and throat clenches. Her hold on him loosens.

"Ben, don't…"

"Hush."

It's only when his head tilts to the side and his lips part that Rey realizes with a jolt of her heart what he is about to do.

But then he is kissing her and it is too late.

Her universe falls apart. Cracks right down to its core.

His kiss is not tender. It's not sweet. Despite the softness of his lips, it is demanding just like everything else about him. It seeks entry to her very soul as the flesh of his tongue runs along the sim of her lips. Ben tastes like mint and forgotten memories. Of man and a sleeping boy. The familiarity of his scent is overwhelming.

It feels like homecoming…

"Ben," she whispers to his lips, trying to pull away. It tears at her how much her senses remember. How much she's missed him.

But he won't let her. No, he groans into her mouth. His fingers weave to the back of her head securing his hold on her. She is still straddling him but he raises himself easily to a seating position, lips not leaving hers for a single breath and snatches her forgotten weapon away. The hum of it disappears and so does its blue glow.

She thinks she hears it clank somewhere it the distance. But Rey can't think of that now.

Ben is here, kissing her. Chipping at her rage. Melting the years away.

His lips move expertly over hers, fluently, working a path that leaves her wide open for him to take. To conquer. She moans when his tongue delves inside and brushes against her own. It's so soft. Yet so hard. And it awakens a crave for this man that she must have had for lifetimes. But he is almost tender in his explorations, tasting her, savoring her. She can feel his hunger build and his restraint become taught. Something mystical on the verge of losing control. Her chest feels like it will burst from the fluttering of wings.

Because Ben is finally here, where he belongs. Solid and real in her arms. And it feels so right it hurts.

She runs her hands up his chest, shy fingers exploring the plains of his chest and the muscled curve of his shoulders. They wrap around his neck. Dig possessively into his skin. He groans.

He pulls away abruptly, with dark eyes and a heaving chest to look at her. The loss is devastating and Rey nearly sobs into the space between them.

"Don't stop," she nearly begs.

But he angles her face so and then he's back to kissing her neck. A bruising, desperate thing that leaves her staring openly at the weeping sky. The rain falls on her face, blends with her own tears.

The grunt of his voice reverberates on her skin.

"Don't ever leave me…" It commands.

Buries itself in every dark corner of her body. She whimpers when he bites her soft flesh.

He is so careful when he wipes her hair with one of his soft, clean towels in the dim light of his room. Pads it on her face and on the painful mark he left on the curve of her neck. Rey knows her eyes are red and her lips are swollen. And her limbs feel so heavy she can barely move. But she stands before him as he peals away her dripping cloak and unfastens her shirt. She should feel embarrassed despite what he had seen of her the previous night, but the truth is she only feels a bone deep exhaustion, and an ache that she fears will remain inside her for the rest of her days.

Ben doesn't speak. Doesn't say a single word, as he kneels in front of her to remove her boots and socks. Rey should do these things on her own. But she is afraid she would collapse right there and then if he lets her go. He tugs on her leggings, his own cold fingers brushing against the goosebumps of her skin. His touch is almost fragile, reverent as it lingers on her skin. She doesn't know how she will live without it. He removes them one leg at a time. Slowly. Torturously.

He slides his fingertips up the length of her calves. Rests them on the soft spot in the back of her knees. He tugs her legs apart. Just enough for him to…

"Ben, no. Please don't…"

She can feel the stubble of his jaw scratch her sensitive skin on the inside of her thigh. And then his lips are trailing a path up at a place he really shouldn't…

"What are you doing…?"

Cupping her mound through the fabric of her underclothes.

Rey bucks, but he holds her in place, large hands grasping the back of her thighs. His mouth feels so hot on her it makes her head spin. Wetness seeps through the cloth and she doesn't know if it is her or him who's at fault. He feels him inhale her scent.

"Ben, you need to stop…"

She puts her hands on his thick hair tugs for him to let go. He stares up at her brokenly.

"I know Rey. I know you can't do this," he whispers. "I just wanted a moment before I let you go."

Rey feels a sob rise to her throat as new tears pool in her eyes. She brings the back of her hand to wipe at her face. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Ben…"

He sets his forehead on the apex of her thighs and tightens his grasp on her. Just a little. For a few moments. She can't be with him. In any way. It will break them beyond repair. He sees that too.

He lifts his gaze.

"Rey?" The teenage boy entreats. "No, don't you cry, little angel. There's nothing for you to be sorry about. You were only protecting yourself." He shows the scorched lightsaber mark on his shoulder. "See? It's nothing. It'll heal." Rey knows it looks gruesome and will leave a horrible scar.

Ben is in pain. She did this to him.

"Don't be sorry, my angel. Never be sorry for doing what is right by you."

She stares at him. At her own fallen angel on his knees.

"You need to change into something dry," she says. That gaze is tearing her apart.

He lifts himself up. He's soaking wet, droplets of water falling on his broad shoulders and shirt clinging on his body. They must have been out in the rain for eons. He cups her face with cold hands and sets a kiss on her forehead. Those dark eyes are blood-shot.

"I will… Once you're in bed."

"I can't be sleeping in your bed every night," she implores.

"Just for tonight. We'll figure something out tomorrow."

He takes her by the hand, lacing his fingers with her own. Leads her to his bed and sets her in once more. Rey doesn't believe his scent will ever leave her body again.

He covers her, strokes her wet hair and sets a press of his lips on hers again. It's chaste and soft with just a hint of his taste and Rey savors it like it's her last breath.

When Ben leaves the room, door hissing lightly behind him, Rey stares at it unblinking. It takes her a while to realize that new streaks of tears are running down her face and soaking his pillow.

And that he won't be coming back.

End of part I

Author's note: I have been contemplating dividing this story in two parts for a little while now. Mostly to emphasize the shift in their emotions and draw a line as to where they now stand. But also because this has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me as well, sucking my attention and time away from my everyday responsibilities. There are things I need to tend to that have piled up, so we'll be taking a small break. I'll be writing the next few chapters in the meantime but at a pace that I can control.

Forgive my immaturity as a writer and the mistakes I make towards you. I build this story as we go along, integrating a lot of your thoughts and suggestions along the way. I hadn't planned on dividing the story in the beginning. I felt the need to do so along the way.

When we come back, a little time will have gone by where Rey and Ben try to coexist without trespassing any lines. You know how well that will turn out. Especially when they try to repress those powerful emotions and growing need to be with one another in every possible way. Starkiller base destruction will happen in the next part. The Chiss will appear and inevitably so will Hannah.

Song for this chapter "Running up that Hill" by Placebo.

Thank you all so so much for your support and love for this story! I don't know how I will do without it for the next few weeks… I will be very happy to receive comments from you either here or on twitter.

Take good care of yourselves!