Heal me

He has forgotten his black leather gloves back in Coruscant and he is being impossible.

It doesn't seem like a big deal. People forget things the whole time. And a pair of forgotten gloves during a visit to Kuat's manufacturing yards is hardly considered significant in the galaxy's grand scheme of things. But this is the Governor of Coruscant we're talking about, Rey tries to remind herself. Having him aggravated this early in the day will probably cause some insignificant planet in the Outer Rim to go bankrupt, just because he refuses to sign a document without his beloved gloves.

Rey stands a few paces in back of him during the inspection of the battleships but can almost see the crease between his brows and the down curl of his lips.

The shipyards are endless and his temper short.

Nothing ever seems to satisfy him these days. Not even a fleet of latest technology battleships about to be released to the Republic

She would like to pretend it has all to do with the escalating pressure of the impending war, and nothing to do with her own presence having become an oppressive shadow to him. But she knows better than that by now.

The balance between them is so brittle, Rey feels like it could shatter with a sigh.

It's the reason, she believes, he has chosen for the two of them to reside in his vast estate, where corridors upon corridors, and countless rooms can be placed between them. And it has worked to a point. Rey barely gets to see him on a one to one bases anymore. There's always some guard, or keeper or even annoying maintenance droid around, preventing them from having any kind of closer contact than insignificant small talk. It's all very well staged and choreographed. A constant, vigilant dance around each other that does not allow any missteps.

It's endearing watching Ben try to keep her at arm's length.

Except for the mornings.

Those mornings when he comes in to wake her with the softest voice, it's when he allows all his emotions to lie bear for her to revel in, to savor. To keep. Little moments of what could have been if things were different. She tries not to show him what they mean to her.

Sometimes she feels like those mornings are all that will be left of them in the end.

He furls and unfurls those ungloved fingers with his mood as bleak as those perpetual blacks he likes to wear. He stands out amongst their small company, with that ridiculous height of his and that flare of his expensive heavy cloak at every heavy step he takes. Everyone is on edge around him. Skittish because of a power they cannot comprehend. But Rey now recognizes what lies behind this compelling power. What has intrigued her and drawn her in, from the moment she set eyes on him after all these years. What she has become so addicted to with just a few touches.

His Darkness.

It throbs invitingly around him. She really never stood a chance.

Their party is going down glass corridors overlooking the hauls of enormous ships at the last stage of construction, and mechanical units so technologically advanced that leave Rey marveling at the sight with barely contained wonder. The screeching and harsh industrial sounds of metal, pierces the enhanced duraglass of the corridor, making it particularly difficult to follow the conversation Ben is having with the Director of Kuat's shipyards. They speak of ion torpedoes and shield leech weapons, and other armaments that Rey can barely distinguish their names and capabilities over the insane noise.

She allows her mind to drift. As she often does these days. To revisit their kiss in the stormy night. To revel on the sensation of his large hands on her drenched body. The vulnerability in his gaze, under the stinging rain, as he set something valuable in her hands. More valuable than his own life.

Rey shuts her eyes. Her accelerating heart beating painfully inside her, as it does every time her thoughts stray to him. At what they could have had that night…

She misses him. Every day she misses him. Even if he stands just a few paces away.

Ben's voice booms over the commotion snapping her back to their harsh reality.

"Shield power will not be sacrificed for weaponry. I was specific about this when we ordered the battleships."

"Sir, it's impossible to have power enough to sustain the weapons you have demanded and hold shields at maximum capacity at the same time. No ship has ever been created that could…"

"No ship has gone against a Star Destroyer since the Empire, Director. What's the point of doing so if we cannot sustain shields?"

"The XF-20 power generators that have been installed in the ships will provide enough shield stability throughout the battle. They will not succumb easily to ion torpedoes that will be released by the Star Destroyers. You must understand that…"

Ben raises his hand to silence the Director, clearly very irritated.

"I have lifted the embargo off Cygnus Spaceworks. I'll make sure their latest design on Urgent need reactor component will be sent to you to manufacture and install on the ships. I am not discussing this any further."

The Director presses his lips tightly, turning an impressive color of maroon. Rey knows Kuat won't be happy to work with Cygnus Spaceworks but Ben has a point. The battleships have been designed to be agile and fast but smaller in comparison to Star Destroyers. They have to be well armed to bring such a ship down and very well shielded to withstand its fire.

Their engine power will be enormous.

And that's when Rey senses it. Feels a thought brush the outskirts of her mind. One that she's felt before…

She swirls her head trying to pinpoint the origin. But it slips through her mind like running water through fingertips.

Damn it.

She fists her hands. Their party is relatively small. Kuat is represented by the Director of the planet's shipyards, the Chief Engineer, a couple of administrative escorts and guards. And from their side there's Ben, her, Jeff, a couple of their security men and Nylus Dover, Coruscant's Minister of Defense. Rey can't understand who would have this kind of…

Rey tilts her head and looks at the man standing quietly and attentively to the side. His thoughts are as calm and pleasant as always. Too much now that she thinks about it, in comparison to everybody else's constant jumble of thoughts and emotions permeating the Force. Rey knows the man does not like the Governor. His distaste slips through from time to time. And she knows he can become fearful of Ben when his fury is directed immediately at him. But there's something flat and abnormal about his mind now that she notices. As if he is capable of reigning it in.

Controlling it.

Jeff turns to look at her. And sends her a light smile.

How could she not have noticed this before?

Rey smiles back politely.

How could she have so foolishly fallen for that face of innocent charm?

She wants to beat herself up for her incompetence and crawl back to Luke to tell him she has failed him and betrayed his trust in the worst possible way. Because, of course, Rey hadn't noticed anything till now. She has been too preoccupied with Ben.

Fuck!

A loud curse breaks in the air and for a split moment Rey doesn't know if it came from her or him.

Ben is clutching the broken and splintered metal railing of the corridor in his right hand. Blood is already running down his hand and dripping down in red pools on the immaculate white floor.

She's on his side in an instant.

"What did you do?" She takes his hand as everyone crowds in nervously to see the extent of damage on the Governor's hand. She can hear someone call for a medical droid.

Ben grunts as she removes the crushed metal from his grip. The gash is deep, cutting all the way down to small muscles and tendons. He clenches his teeth.

"Ben. Really?"

"Now you know why I insist on wearing gloves," he grits out.

This must really hurt. Rey shakes her head. A piece of clean cloth is offered to her and she wraps it around his hand applying pressure to it, in order to stop the bleeding. Keeping this man in one piece is indeed a full time job. The iron scent of blood saturates the already heavy industrial air.

"Is there some place we can go for him to sit?"

"There is an office just around the corner," the Director informs them looking very concerned. Probably nothing to do with Ben's injury and all to do with the potential of the Governor's wrath upon him.

Ben presses the cloth to his hand and follows Rey. They enter a large room made of glass and metal just like everything else on this planet. There's a woman sitting at a desk, discussing the hologram of a ship hovering over its surface, with a couple of other mechanics. They all quickly scramble to their feet upon the Governor's entry. Rey has started getting used to this universal reaction at Ben's presence.

The commotion over his hand is almost funny, as staff and assistants surround him in a matter of instants. Rey doesn't believe it will be long before he snaps.

"Out!" he growls eventually. "All of you, out!"

"Governor, we need to assess the extent of damage…"

"No one touches my hand, I said! Clear the room. My Jedi is the only person who will remain."

Rey watches warily as one by one the personnel files out of the office and the whoosh of the shutting doors resonate behind them. He sits gloomily on the edge of the large desk pressing on his hand, his figure a stark contrast to the whites and pale grey's of the room. She realizes that she hasn't been alone with him in a while. In quite a while. He chews on his lip and lifts the cloth to check out his wound. It bleeds still.

"Heal me." He demands raising those dark eyes to look at her.

It's exactly what she feared he would ask of her.

"Why did you kick everyone out? They are much better qualified to heal you than I am."

"That's not true. I've seen what you're capable of."

She wraps her arms around her waist and looks away. She has to look away. She keeps forgotting how compelling those dark eyes are. "I think I should call the medics back in."

"I don't want the medics."

"Well, you can't always have what you want now, can you?"

"Is that so?"

"Ben…" She rubs at her forehead. Trying to reason with this crazy man is beyond impossible at times. "You need the medics to fix your hand."

There's a light pause before he speaks again softer. So much softer. "That's not what I need."

He watches her somberly for a few moments. Waiting for her to say something. But she doesn't.

"You're just as good and much more pleasant to watch," he continues. The side of his mouth quirks into a little awkward smile. He's attempting to be funny but it doesn't reach his eyes. It's too weak to drive their melancholy away.

He lifts his undamaged hand. "Come here. You don't have to stand so far away from me."

Rey looks at him rooted stubbornly in her place. What he's asking her to do is not fair. He gets off the desk, approaches her in a steady, slow pace. Comes to stand before her.

The way her heart beats when he's so close is not fair.

"Rey." And the way he says her name. As if it's something precious.

"Ben, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't. You have to tell me."

She shakes her head and looks away again. Her chest is starting to throb.

"Ben, let me bring in the medics…"

"No."

He doesn't understand what it is that he's asking her to do. He offers her his hand, the one with the blood stained cloth wrapped around it. It's trembling lightly.

"Heal me, Rey."

She looks at him. Wonders if he's asking for her to heal more than just a gash on his hand. His face blurs behind a shin of tears but she thinks his eyes look just as molten.

Only he doesn't understand.

"I can't."

The Force is not the same anymore.

"You saved me weeks ago. And that wound was deadly. Surely, this is nothing in comparison to…"

"I can't do it, Ben!"

He flinches with something akin to shame in his eyes, and it only makes her feel worse.

It tears at her how much she's changed. How her wants swivel into that pond of cool serenity that has always been the Light, muddling its waters and sullying their clearness. She rubs at her forehead feeling frustration bubble in her chest.

"I don't know how anymore. The Light side just doesn't feel the same. It's not as bright and clear, and my hold on it is not as strong. Believe me, I wish I could but…"

"Rey, it's alright." He tries to comfort her but it sounds so futile. "You probably just need to calm down."

"But it will never be alright! Not for me. This is who I am. The Light side is who I am, and if I can't access it then…"

She grunts, pressing the heel of her palms in her eyes. This is all so wrong. So terribly and unacceptably wrong. And what drives her absolutely furious with herself is that she would do everything all over again.

Every. Single. Moment of it.

Just to have him in my arms.

There's a ruffle of thick fabric and his large hands wrap around her wrists, tugging them carefully away from her stinging eyes. He holds them to his chest. Looks at her with that unwavering way of his.

"You're not supposed to touch me." She states weakly. Her voice is quivering and her throat feels tight. And she knows that he can't break that rule. Not now. Not when she's a step away from falling apart.

"I don't care… It was a stupid rule to begin with," he offers softly as if he's read her mind. "How can I stay away when you're like this?"

She feels a tear spill down the curve of her cheek.

Ben takes that final step keeping them from one another. His hands come to wrap around her gently and she finds herself pressed against him. He holds her. He just holds her in his arms and solid body, naturally, as if it's always meant to be this way and Rey melts. Her head nestles in the crook of his neck and his fingers get buried in her strands. She wraps her own arms tightly around him. Inhales his musk.

Too long…

It has been too long since she last felt his touch.

"It's alright," he whispers in her hair again, kisses her strands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you. I'm so sorry…" He caresses her face, patiently, tenderly waiting for her to calm down. Not letting his hold on her slip. Not even a little.

When Rey lifts her head to look at him there's something about his expression that makes her whole body ache down to the tip of her fingers. He holds her gaze for the span of a breath. And then he's leaning in, setting a kiss on her forehead. And then lower, on the tip of her nose and the salt on her cheek. His warm breath fans on her sensitive skin, making her whole body break into a light shiver. He marks her with his soft lips all the way to her treacherous heart.

He's kissing the side of her mouth now. Once. Twice. Not daring to venture any further.

And Rey can't. She just can't…

She tilts her head.

And reaches for his kiss.

He pulls away lightly to look at her. Verify that this is what she wants. She doesn't let him stay away for long. She bunches the fabric of his cloak in her fists, tightens her grasp on him and captures his lips.

Gods, she has missed him.

His touch is reverent. And his kiss fervent. But when his teeth graze her bottom lip something between them crumples to dust.

His hold on her tightens. He molds her to his body and leans in to take what he can. Her back arches.

The Force unravels, becomes unhinged.

The room starts to spin. Or maybe it's the whole galaxy. Because his step falters, and there's a loud clatter of objects that must have come crashing down but neither of them pay attention.

She thinks she's being lain against a smooth surface. But it's hard to tell. All she's aware of, is his mouth wet and obscene against hers. And tongue and teeth and heated breath. The raw strength of his muscles under thick clothes and a delicious, heavenly friction between her thighs.

Her legs are wrapped around him and Rey doesn't quite remember how that happened.

She weaves her fingertips in thick, silky hair and he groans, this primal shameless sound, which reverberates inside her and makes her core throb. The one he is so eagerly grinding against, stealing any reason from her.

Rey wants to stay tangled with his body forever.

There's a haze in her mind clouding her thinking, and all she knows is that this isn't enough. She wants him to be even closer. To become part of her.

Run in her very veins.

I'm losing my mind.

She chuckles in his mouth. His hands on her thighs tighten possessively in response. She'll have bruises forming she is certain. Little violet and blue marks reminding her of this cherished transgression.

Rey wants her whole body covered with them.

She is losing her mind. Her very own self.

Rey suddenly pulls away. It's the most painful thing she has ever done, tearing herself from him. Writhing for a moment in his clutch and watching his eyes widen in surprise. He steps away in alarm and heaves these painful deep breaths with flared nostrils and wild eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" he pants out.

She scrambles to her feet. A desk. She had been laying on a desk. "No, no, you did nothing wrong."

"Then why…" he steps closer to her, boot crunching on metal and broken glass, and she mirrors him by stepping back. He looks at her completely crestfallen. "Why did you pull away? I thought you…"

"It was a slip up."

"A slip up? What?" He frowns in complete confusion, reaching for her again.

She takes another step back. "Ben, please…"

He halts as the painful realization starts to settle in his face. He clenches his fists and Rey watches mortified, blood seep through the cloth once again and drip on the floor.

"You don't want me to touch you," he says.

"No, that's not it."

"Well, then what the hell is it, Rey? Because you're not making any sense right now."

"We got caught up in the moment," she tries to explain, tries to find some kind of reason behind what just happened. "A very powerful and intimate moment and it's something that we shouldn't…"'

"… have done. Of course," he drawls with a bitter chuckle. He looks to the side chewing the inside of his cheek. "Maker forbid, we do something that we both want."

Rey presses her lips. He's being petty and unfair and he should know better. He should know how hard it is to keep this distance between them.

"We have both agreed that it would be best if we didn't …pursue any further what has been happening between us and…"

"No. That was what you chose," he snaps. "I simply respected your wishes, Rey."

"Don't blame this on me! You know we can't be anything more than… than friends."

The choice of words sounds horrible even to her own ears. And judging from the darkening expression on his face and the cold tilt of his head as he looks at her, they sound even more horrid to Ben.

"Friends?" He challenges. "You consider us as being friends?"

"I…" Shit.

His eyes narrow. "Perhaps you should have clarified our relationship status a bit better, my darling friend, before you kissed the living breath out of me. A few more moments and my cock would have slipped inside you."

Rey's eyes widen. And for a second, for a split moment, every instinct tells her to revolt against his indecency. She once had, after all, by slapping him across his face. But things have changed between them since then. She's seen the monster within, and knows his growl.

But his bite, especially in defense, can still very much hurt.

She closes the space between them, stares at him long and hard.

"And under different circumstances perhaps I would have enjoyed your cock, Governor, if you weren't such an ass the whole time and making me regret all the things that we have shared together."

Her heart is beating frantically in her chest and she can barely believe those words came out of her mouth. But he deserved them. Every single one of them.

"Don't mess with me, little girl," he warns darkly.

"I'm not a little girl anymore."

The man chuckles politely. But it's not the hearty laughter that used to bubble in the boy's chest. "I have known her since she was a little girl," he says to a guest at their table. Then turns to regard her behind the rim of his glass, bottomless eyes roaming over her body. "She has changed quite a lot, needless to say."

The expression on his face is simply priceless and a small part of her revels in it. She can almost see his breath leave his body, evaporate into thin air.

Along with his restraint.

He crowds her in and grasps her chin, those dark eyes simmering dangerously. Rey finds herself electrified from the anticipation of not knowing what to expect from him. A crippling kiss or another stinging backlash.

And then a voice spills in the air like a bucket of ice.

"Sir? I presume your hand is better?"

His body against her freezes and the Force goes numb.

The split apart faster than the speed of light. Ben runs his hand through his hair while Rey tries to smooth away the creases of her clothes.

It's Nylus Dover, his Minister who's currently regarding them with a very sullen face. Rey feels heat spread to her face. They must be quite a sight. A very indecent and completely inexcusable sight.

Ben collects himself rather quickly. Steps in front of her as if trying to shield her.

"I don't believe I allowed anyone to enter."

"There was a clatter. We were concerned. I took the liberty to check if you needed any help."

"We're fine."

"So it seems."

Ben takes a step in his direction. A very menacing step.

"Are you mocking us?"

"This situation is hardly one to be laughed about, sir. It's actually very grave." The older man pauses, and all semblance of formality slips away. "Ben, you must be more careful. If someone else had walked in… "

Ben runs his good hand through his hair, his own rigid stance disappearing as well. "Yes, yes. I know…"

"Not in public. There are enough rumors spreading as it is."

"I said I know."

The man's blue eyes turn to Rey. Almost as if he's speaking only to her. Imploring her. "You must not continue this. The Chiss are not to be toyed with. For all we know they might switch sides just because they have felt insulted. The wedding has already been postponed long enough."

Rey doesn't know where to hide.

"It won't happen again, I promise you. It was a mistake," she says stiffly. "Send in medical personnel to stitch his wound in the meantime." She feels Ben's burning eyes on her but Rey doesn't look back. What's done, is done. She can't allow them to lose control like this again.

"And I'll get you a cloak, my lady. The two of you have made quite a mess."

Rey glances down at her clothes. The blood in his hand that has seeped through the cloth has left imprints on them, little telltale signs of where it has been and what it has done. She had barely been aware of half of them. She nods trying to hide the red smudge running along her left breast.

The Minister disappears behind the hissing of doors. Leaving them to regard each other in heavy silence. Rey looks away just as the doors of the office part again to allow the rolling of droids and a medic to stride in. They crowd around Ben immediately.

It takes him a while before he takes his heavy gaze off her.

They barely exchange a word on their return trip to Coruscant. He remains locked in his quarters and she chooses to stay in the cockpit watching the endless blue swirl of hyperspace with a mind too numb to process the complicated situation they're in.

Two weeks of teetering on the edge, only for everything to go up in flames in the heat of a moment. Literally.

He barely bids her a goodnight when they reach his estate sometime late at night. He crosses the dimly lit foyer in long strides, not even bothering to remove his heavy cloak, and goes up the stairs swiftly. Rey watches his tall form blend into the shadows of the upper level and the echo of his heavy steps disappear down the long, marble corridor.

She blinks lightly under the soft lighting of a table lamp, and catches her reflection in an ornate mirror. Only then does she realize how much she has been affected. The young woman with the sad eyes looking back at her seems almost a stranger.

The next morning Rey wakes on her own, feeling as drained and heavy as the moment she lay to sleep. Weak sunrays stream through her window and the rich scents of wet earth and damp forest fill the room. It's late. Much later than the time she's used to waking up and a droid is already whirring about, straightening the room. She stares at it with a sinking heart.

Because Ben, she realizes, never came into the room to wake her.

Author's note: No, he's not being spiteful. Well, maybe a little... We'll get a better idea in the next chapter. And also Starkiller Base is coming up. Can't wait for your thoughts!