Hephaestion walked into the mall with trepidation, anxiety coiling in the pit of their stomach, making sure to grab Alexander's hand as soon as they were both through the automatic doors, Roxana and Ptolemy a few steps ahead of the pair.
Roxana had wanted to get some new dresses, and so had enlisted her best friends to help her, but clothes shopping made Hephaestion nervous, knowing what they were all too often mistaken for and being very aware of their biological sex whenever they had to do this sort of thing.
"Phai?" Alexander's whisper pulled them from their thoughts, "Are you all right, Love?" They nodded, not saying anything and not meeting his eyes, but looking around instead, "Okay. If you're not, just tell me. And if you want anything, just let me know."
From the tone in his voice, Hephaestion knew Alexander really meant anything, but the thought of picking clothes made them wince. Instead, they followed Roxana into a shop and let her browse and explore until she had an armful of outfits and was satisfied enough to start trying them on.
While she was doing that with Ptolemy and Alexander's help, Hephaestion wondered around the store, going first to the men's section and trying to want those pants and shirts. But their eye kept wondering to the women's section, especially the skirts. There was a long, light gray draped skirt with turquoise accents in the pleats right across the aisle, but Hephaestion knew they couldn't have it. Not after what Cassander said. Wanting that would just prove him right.
Tears pricked their eyes, and they quickly pulled a pair of men's pants off the rack and went to find their boyfriend, who was patiently waiting for Roxana to emerge from the dressing room after she had vetoed a couple of outfits without anyone's help.
"Oh, there you are, Phai! Did you explore a little bit?" Hephaestion nodded tensely, and pushed the pants into Alexander's hands, knowing that if they spoke, they would start crying, "These? You want these? Love, they aren't your size, did you just grab the wrong pair? Here, let's go-" the tears started falling, hard and unwanted, "Phai, why are you crying? It's a simple mistake, that's all. I'll help you, come on. Show me where you found this."
Hephaestion shook their head, having now drawn Ptolemy's attention, "What's wrong? Phai?"
"I'm not sure. Phai, do you want to leave? We can go home," Hephaestion shook their head; they didn't want to leave, "How about we just take a break then? How about a walk? Just around the mall, and then we'll come back. Just a breather, okay?"
They left the pants with Ptolemy, starting to walk down the main aisle of the shop, past the section where Hephaestion had been before. Despite themselves, they stopped and looked at the skirt again, this time discreetly running their fingers over it. It was not discreet enough however, because Alexander stopped too, admiring the skirt, "Oh Phai, look how pretty! This would look beautiful on you."
Hephaestion shook their head, looking away forcefully. They couldn't. It would make them a liar. They were a liar.
Alexander noticed their behavior, and realized that this was probably what made them act so strangely before, "Phai, if you want this, I'll get it for you. We just need to find your size."
Hephaestion coughed around the lump in their throat, and when they did speak, their voice sounded rough even to their own ears, "I can't."
"You can't? Why can't you, Love? This would be perfect for you."
Hephaestion tried again with another tactic, "I don't want it."
A look that said "I can tell you're lying but I don't know why," came over Alexander's face and Hephaestion had to look away from his piercing gaze, "Does this have to do with what Cassander said?"
"He asked me if I was "fakin'it!" What do you think?!" Unbidden, tears pricked their eyes again.
"He what?! I'm gonna fuckin'-"
"It won't help. Besides, he's right…"
"He's-? Phai, would you be comfortable living as your assigned gender?" Hephaestion paled almost immediately and shook their head, not saying anything, "Are you more comfortable with your gender and body now? I know it's not perfect, and that it might never be, that you might always struggle, but are you?" They nodded, blushing lightly, "Then you aren't lying and never have been. And Cassander can eat toads for all I care. Okay? You are who you say you are, and no matter what other people say, that's all that matters."
"T-that's not true… It wouldn't hurt if it wasn't true… I wouldn't be s-struggling i-if it-"
"It is true, Love. It hurts because you are kind and a good person. He meant to hurt you, make you question yourself, but it's all lies, what he said. He knows you still struggle with who you are and who you think you should be to make others happy, and he preyed on those thoughts. It is nothing you did or said. You deserve to be happy, and if this skirt will make you happy right now, you deserve to have it, even if you did nothing to earn it. You don't have to earn everything, or everyone's approval. Just be yourself. Just be you, because that's what you deserve from life. Plus, it's who I fell in love with all those years ago. I don't want you to be anybody other than who you are, because who you are is amazing, and beautiful, and so unbelievably loving it leaves me stunned daily. I need you to believe that, because it is true. We can always buy the skirt and return it if you really don't like it, but I have a feeling you do. Am I right?"
Hephaestion nodded, tears streaming down their face now, "I-I'm s-sorry… I d-don't mean to be s-so difficult…"
"You're not difficult, Love, you're hurt. But it's okay. I swear. It's okay. Why don't we find your size so you can see how it feels on, hm?"
Hephaestion could only nod as their boyfriend took their hand and led them back towards the changing rooms with the skirt tucked safely over his arm, thanking every god they knew that this man loved them so much.