And now, a sort of important message from a fellow fanfiction author:

"Hello, I'm Saotome Haruna from the Unequally Rational and Emotional story!" waved a busty, cheery girl with long black hair and glasses.

"And I'm Fujiyoshi Harumi, also from OverMaster-san's Unequally Rational and Emotional universe!" another busty, cheery girl with not so long black hair and glasses waved.

"We're here to explain a few details on the crossover setting for Anything that Burns!" Haruna said. "We've noticed your reviews are expressing doubts and questions about some of the crossover characters included, so we're throwing this mini guide in for you! Also, I'm not the Paru-chan who appears through the rest of this fanfic! She's my slightly younger, non-martial arts trained alternate fanfiction universe counterpart!"

Harumi nodded. "And that Paru-chan has serious issues but realizes them, while this Paru-chan doesn't ever realize hers!"

"Hey," Haruna said. "What issues are you talking about, I'm perfectly normal and healthy?"

"Anyway, let's start with the first and foremost series included in this gripping tale, Akamatsu Ken's Mahou Sensei Negima! That's from where Negi-kun and all but two of his 2-A students come. Those students are Hino Rei-chan from Sailor Moon and Yuuki Karin from Negima's sequel UQ Holder, on which I'd love to elaborate but my author doesn't want me to. And speaking of people with major issues! But you obviously knew about that one already, didn't you? I mean, otherwise why were you in a Negima section to begin with?"

Haruna shrugged. "Maybe they got in through Darkenning-sama's profile instead? Anyway, Negima is the moving story of Negi Springfield, adorable young wizard from Wales who was sent to teach hormonal sexy schoolgirls like Yours Truly in Japan! Usually, he looks for his long missing father while having wacky harem hijinks and training to defeat ever stronger enemies, but this time around, as you've seen, things are a bit different; Negi-kun grew up with his mommy and dady, his sexy harem hijinks actually have intercourse, and he doesn't like being called a wizard…"

"Right! Next comes MY origin series, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei! So far it's only gotten a brief allusion when Headmaster Konoe mentioned Itoshiki-sensei and his sisters - which is sort of odd because as far as I know he only has one - but I'm SO sure we'll get a much bigger role later on -" At this point Haruna silently rolled her eyes. "- and I'll be the most important beautiful Yaoi expert meganeko in this series!" Harumi excitedly said while Haruna gave her an evil stink eye. "My series is a manga by satirist Kumeta Koji, then adapted to anime by SHAFT Studios, telling the heartwarming tale of an actually adult teacher and his devoted students who are not pedo at all, unlike some other people! We cheer our Itoshiki-sensei through the absurd hardships of life, which often push him to the brink of suicide!"

"You're making it sound way deeper and more dramatic than it actually is," Haruna hummed, tapping her fingers down. "Your Sensei is just a poser! Who knows in this setting, though."

Harumi made a point of ignoring her. "It's all very deep and meaningful stuff, with social commentary and everything, you know, not just an ill plotted battle shounen power fantasy with nothing but commercial interests and random plot twists that make no—"

Haruna clenched a very wide and forced grin on. "Aaaaaaand next we have Kill La Kill, an anime by Studio Trigger, mostly made of former Gainax employees back from when Gainax was not shit! You must know this one too, it's memetic as hell, but here we go anyway: it's the story of Matoi Ryuko, a young, rebellious drifter looking for the killer of her father in a deranged world marred by the survival of the fittest and continuous states of partial or total nudity. It seems to be a huge influence on the plot, so keep an eye out for it!"

"Man, what's about young heroes and fathers? I've always wondered about that. After that, there's Urusei Yatsura, an oldie from that archaic period known as The Eighties, by Ranma and Inu Yasha creator Takahashi Rumiko!" Harumi took back over. "It's the madcap story, mostly made of self contained gag episodes, of Moroboshi Ataru, the most lecherous and unlucky boy in the world, a loser and utter creep suddenly engaged to gorgeous but violent alien princess Lum! But look, in this continuity he didn't even get the girl! Let us all take a moment to point at him and laugh!"

Haruna hummed. "I guess there's a chance he still got married to his childhood friend instead, though? And he's sterile, so he won't have to spawn and put up with that hideous dumb child of his from that chapter where he glimpsed into his own future. Anyway, Urusei Yatsura invented like 75% of all routines you see today in both anime comedies and harem tales, so go check it out if you haven't yet! Next we look at Takeuchi Naoko's Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon…"

Harumi winced. "Really?! We've gotta explain freaking Sailor Moon to people now? Who are reading this, the mole men?"

Haruna shrugged. "It's better if we cover all bases, right? Regardless, dumb but adorable schoolgirl Tsukino Usagi runs into a talking cat named Luna, the talking cat turns the girl into a miniskirted warrior for Great Justice, she teams up with other girls named after celestial bodies, they and a guy in evening wear throwing roses around fight garish flamboyant baddies mostly named after jewelry and set up a multi-billion global franchise, the end!"

"I love a happy ending, as long as it's not in my Yaoi!" Harumi sniffed. "Yaoi is all about dark, tragic twists at the end, further remarking the tortured existence of all Bishounen taking it up the ass!"

Haruna cringed. "That… That kinda sounded just wrong, yanno? I like a happy vanilla end in my Yaoi every once in a while, poor hotties deserve it too! Speaking of happy endings in smut, and sorry if I've just spoiled anything, we move onto Juan Gotoh's Boys Empire, a short and scandalous shotacon manga about Tamura Makoto, a kid who does it with his next door neighbor, his Tsundere classmate, his big sister, his mother, his Tsundere classmate's mother, his teacher and two other classmates no one ever gives two shits about. Dude only missed a grandmother and one aunt or two, a wasted chance if you ask me. Really explicit stuff, the kind that will get you kicked out of TV Tropes faster than you can say 'Fighteer!', folks, but rather vanilla once you get past all the kid and incestuous stuff…"

Harumi blinked. "… isn't that all there is to it? A-Anyway, Empire still looks like a Nickelodeon cartoon about a kid and his ten wacky sisters compared to our next entry, Milky Software's Bible Black! This is a series of adult games and anime (no manga, don't bother looking for it, you aren't going to find any, we speak from experience, don't ask) about schoolteachers and students alike flirting with the forces of Hell through sadistic rituals of group sex, brutal domination and rape."

Haruna frowned. "When you put it like that it doesn't sound too wholesome, huh? But yep, it's a nasty little saga definitely not for everyone, not even for those of legal age, you're warned, never say Oneechan didn't tell you. This fanfiction picks up at the third main entry of the anime, Bible Black New Testament, where former schoolgirl and victim of Big Bad Kitami Reika, Imari Kurumi, works as a security enforcer for secret agency Tokken (not a fighting videogame starring a guy with a leopard head, a mean grandpa and a bear) before things get rapey again. Hopefully the scene with the bank bathroom and the shotgun won't be included here, although those two poor clerks were really cute and hot, hint hint hint. We follow in with Takahashi's Ranma ½…"

"Do we have to explain Ranma too?!" Harumi groaned. "That's just plain wrong! Naruto and Dragon Ball Z aren't in this thing too, are they?"

Haruna sighed stoically. "Handsome boy fanon likes to relate to gorgeous sexy mangaka from Negima has martial arts crazy father, they fall into cursed springs while in China and turn into a hot girl and a panda respectively when splashed with cold water. Boy is engaged to girl, lots of crazy martial arts suitors get in their way, nothing ever gets resolved, not even as clumsily as the way Akamatsu sent us packing, ta-daaa!" She looked at her fingernails. "Next?"

Harumi scowled at her cue card. "The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi."

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

"Yeah," Harumi rasped. "Okay, I won't blame you guys and girls if you deleted the concept of Haruhi from your minds after Endless Eight, or if Haruhi herself did it out of shame. But, for real?! Google it! I don't know, put the Unshaved Mouse Haruhi review in that searcher or something, you can't get wrong with Mouse!"

Haruna blinked. "I… I'm not sure Mouse-sama would appreciate being sent to his site from an erotic fanfiction starring Negi-kun, Harumi-sempai…"

"Then just google Haruhi in general! Sheesh, if you could do it with Crazy Quilt after The LEGO Batman Movie told you to, you can do it for this as well! As if you didn't have your files full with Nagato Yuki porn already!"

"Alright, now the next one's fairly obscure, so we'll play fair and not throw any tantrums over it," Haruna explained. "We close for now with Shanna the She-Devil, replacing Minamoto Shizuna-sensei in this continuity. Don't ask me what happened to the actual Shizuna-sensei, who knows, maybe a crocodile ate her? Are you actually expecting for any spoilers coming from this corner, buds? This version of Shanna is a based on Marvel Comics and Frank Cho's interpretation of the bride of Ka-Zar, a blond Tarzan, friend to you and me watch out for that tree, who ran around a prehistoric jungle in the Antarctica, most often fighting a pterodactyl man with the X-Men. Since OverMaster hasn't read the reboot yet, we can't tell you more about it for now. Well, that's all for today! See you around next time, but only as long as there's one!"

"But we still haven't covered To Love Ru or Mai HiME!"

"Sempai, we've gotta leave something for that next installment! If they can't wait that long, you said it yourself, Google!"

"Code Geass?"

"Google!"

"Neon Genesis Evangelion?"

"Oh, now you're just trolling me! Just wait for 2020 and see if Rebuild IV actually comes out by then!"