Whispers

Author's note: The trust that was shown to me in the previous chapter has completely floored me. Whoever has decided to stick around THANK YOU for your support!

Rey hates him.

She does not want to see him, and prays to every single god in this ruthless universe she doesn't come across him when she enters the living room an hour or so later after he has departed. Picking up the ruins of her clothes and the tatters of her pride has been one of the most degrading and painful experiences of her life. And the fact that he has been the one to cause it... Rey swears she will never forgive that man for as long as she lives.

Antoine, one of Ben's guards, stands up and regards her warily as she storms by him.

"The Governor wishes for me to escort you back to the estate."

"Tell him he can go fuck himself."

He's proven he can do that quite well, actually. There's no bloody hell Rey will ever do what that man dictates ever again.

Antoine gapes at her. A small part of her feels sorry for what this guy has to put up with. A very tiny little part of her -the biggest part just doesn't give a damn anymore.

"Please, don't make my job any harder than it already is, Rey." He pleads, falling in step behind her.

"I really don't care what the Governor wishes anymore, Antoine. And frankly, neither should you. Get yourself a decent job. A normal job that doesn't involve following the galaxy's biggest asshole around in his duties. In the meantime…" She calls her saberstaff to her hand. "I'm leaving!" She pulls her white cloak over her body, wishing she had kept her old Jedi clothes. Those worn out beige rags - as he so much loved to call them. Rey doesn't want to hold on to a single thing that man has gifted her in the weeks she has spent under his shadow.

But there's a kriffing blizzard raging outside. And her teeth are chattering already.

"Only desert rats wear clothes like these," he chuckles, holding her old shirt up in the air by two fingers. His face is scrunched in mock detest. She folds her hands across her chest and glares up at him. "Ben, it's mine. Give it back." They're not children anymore. His face falls into an impish, guilty smile. He approaches her, folding the disintegrating piece of cloth carefully and handing it to her. "I can provide you with anything you could ever need. Let me at least do that for you…" Their fingers touch when she reaches to take her shirt. Her heart nearly explodes because of the way he regards her. Rey snatches it and looks away, trying to contain a little smile from forming on her lips. "Fine."

Rey clasps the heavy cloak around her neck and tries to push back any traitorous memory of him that creeps into her mind. Her decision has been made. It's final. None of those memories matter anymore.

Antoine follows her, his concern and fear prickling in the Force. "Leaving? As in leaving him?"

"Yes."

The doors to the apartment swish open for her to go through, and she hurries down the private landing bay towards the Governor's black shuttle that waits diligently in its spot to take her back to his golden cage.

Only that won't be happening today. Because today is the day that she finally breaks free.

The frigid air bites at her exposed skin, gnaws its way down to her beating heart.

She feels a large hand on her shoulder, pleading for her to reconsider. "You can't leave him, Rey," he calls out over the wailing wind. "Not now. He'll fall apart."

Rey swivels to glower at the man. How mistaken he is. "I'm sure he'll find some woman to vent his frustration on. He'll be just fine. Trust me."

Antoine shakes his head. "He's not like that anymore."

Rey hates how certain the bodyguard sounds.

"And how the hell would you know that?"

He hesitates. "Don't think that we haven't noticed how he behaves around you, Rey. The Governor cares about you."

"Well, I don't!" She roars, raising her saberstaff and thrusting it against the bodyguard's broad chest. "Step back," she dictates. She will not waste a single thought on him again.

Antoine obeys easily under her compulsion.

Rey climbs up the shuttle swiftly and shuts the door, settling in the pilot's seat and checking the readings. Her cold fingers hesitate over the twinkling buttons and small levers of the cockpit.

"I didn't know you could fly so well," his low voice rumbles in the confinement of the shuttle. "Please. Flying comes as natural as breathing for me," she replies with a derisive snort as she glides the shuttle between two elegant skyscrapers, heading back to the estate on the mountains. It's well into the night, and Coruscant's large moon is bathing them in its silver light. She darts her eyes at Ben and catches a wide smile dimpling his cheeks. His eyes glimmer in the shadows of the cockpit and make her heart thump in response. "Well then, let's see what you've got, little bird."

Rey covers her face with her hands to muffle her raging scream. The ship's lights flicker and the metal walls begin to groan. She'll end up ripping the shuttle to shreds if she doesn't get her emotions under check. If she doesn't find a way to lock him out of her damn mind.

But it's just so…Hard.

Rey presses her lips together tightly and hits the ignition.

The shuttle lifts silently into the air and falls into an airlane over the sleepless city.

She doesn't really have a plan. She knows she needs an actual ship to fly out of Coruscant. She's caught between stealing one, or simply just getting in contact with Nyxx to come and pick her up. She's certain he would do that for her without too many questions being asked.

Rey decides that she will comm him when she's higher up in the air.

It's been a terrible night, and she needs to clear her head. Rey can't resist stretching the shuttle's engine in the highlanes at the very top of the city. Coruscant is covered in a thin sheet of white snow under a charcoal sky. It practically glows into the night, under the moon's rays that slip through the clouds. The view is mesmerizing, and Rey finds herself falling smoothly into another airlane - and then another and another.

She decides to postpone comming her friend for just a little while longer. She's got time. No one can touch her up here.

"Don't be in a hurry to finish your forms." She calls to him on a dawn, as she catches him performing old Jedi forms in the back garden . He wipes the sweat from his brow and tosses his wet strands back. He's surprised to see her. "What are you doing up so early?" She doesn't tell him she's barely slept all night. "Put your right foot further back. Follow my lead." His body feels so solid under her touch. So inviting. Her extended hands tremble slightly when she reaches to correct his stance. They betray her fluttering heart. The man notices, but doesn't say a word.

"Damn him…"

There are tears streaming down her cheeks that she almost didn't notice. They've been brimming so easily these days. Rey wipes at them furiously with her sleeve. She really needs to get in contact with Nyxx soon. As beautiful as a snowed in Coruscant may be, there's no reason for her to drag this out any longer. She's made up her mind.

It's done.

Winter sun breaks in the horizon, illuminating the shuttle with the color of hope.

"We should head back to the estate," she says, squinting at the bright dawning sun ahead. It's so peaceful and serene up here. Such a rare, private moment for the two of them. "They'll be concerned about us." His eyes are closed, and his head is leaning back against the metal wall of the shuttle. He seems asleep. "Just a little bit more," he says in a hoarse voice. He doesn't open his eyes. "Me and you. Like this. Give me just a few more moments…"

Rey breaks into sobs.

The Manarai mountains stretch before her like a sleeping giant. She finds herself weaving the shuttle between their snow white slopes instinctively. The blizzard has subsided, and she drinks in the stillness of the early morning and the serenity of the Force. The city of Coruscant can barely be seen behind her anymore. She flies over the canyon and its rushing river. Follows its trail. The estate appears suddenly, dug into the wilderness of the mountain like an eagle's nest. Rey circles over it.

Spirals down and lands.

She shuts down the engine and leans back in her seat. Her long exhale fills the silence of the shuttle.

"My lady, we thought you wouldn't return," the keeper, a middle-aged woman named Alliana, tries to keep up with Rey's swift pace. She crosses the foyer in light silent steps and heads for the main staircase as personnel and droids bow and move out of her way.

"Has the Governor returned?" She asks.

"No, my lady. We haven't heard from him yet."

Rey halts with her fingers digging into the wood of the railing. No. She won't allow herself to be worried over him. "Inform me when he does."

"Of course." She hurries up the steps, but she barely counts five of them when the woman adds. "I'm glad you're back, Rey. I don't know what he would do if he were to come home and find you gone."

She doesn't answer. She simply rushes to her room without looking back and crawls into her bed, too exhausted to wonder about his whereabouts. He's bound to return.

Just the way she did.

But he doesn't come back the next day. Nor the day after.

She roams the house and its verandas. Performs forms on the back patio - that drowns in pine trees and heavy snow. Eats. Drinks. Sleeps.

And waits.

She's startled from her slumber by a dip of the mattress. Her eyes fly open in the darkness of the room. The pale light of the planet's large moon reflects on the snowy landscape outside the windows and lands in patches inside her room. It sheds light on the shadow crouching on the side of her bed. On the tousled black hair that spills on the white sheets, and on the pale forearm which hides the face of the man.

She lifts her hand, runs her fingers through the tangled black waves. The man reeks of smoke and alcohol and sweat.

"Ben?"

She tugs on his hair to make him lift his head. He obliges without a sliver of resistance. He darts his eyes at her and looks away immediately. They are swollen and blood-shot, and his jaw is covered in rough stubble.

"Gods, Ben, are you Ok? What happened to you?" Her voice is scratchy from sleep.

He grasps her hand, buries his face in it. His skin feels wet and sticky with sweat, and she raises herself on her elbow to look at him with wide eyes. He's a complete mess.

"Forgive me," he mutters, kisses her wrist. Tears slide between her fingertips. "Please forgive me…"

Rey stares at him dumbfounded, trying to pull her hand away.

"No." His grasp tightens on the soft flesh of her hand. "I'll let you go. I promise I'll let you go… Just…."

Rey barely recognizes the man engulfed in shadows.. "Do you know how concerned everyone has been? Your mother must have called a thousand times these past couple of days, and Amilyn nearly threw a fit yesterday night. Where have you been?"

He can't meet her gaze. He laces his fingers with hers carefully and sighs in the darkness. "Does it matter, where I've been or what I've done?" He mumbles. "Will it change anything between us at this point?"

Rey sits up on the 's something off about the way he speaks, about the way he threads his fingers with hers.

"You're drunk."

"No. Not drunk. No… Just tired.."

She roams her eyes over the sharp angles of his face. "You look like shit, Ben."

He chuckles the tips of her fingers with his other hand. The tenderness of his gesture is so at odds with the bitterness in his voice, that for an instant Rey forgets all that has lead them to the present state. She barely catches herself from reaching out and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Tell me what happened."

He lays his head on the mattress again, holds on to her hand.

"I shouldn't have woken you," he slurs. "I don't know why I always need to wake you. What time is it?"

Stars, he's wasted.

She rubs her eyes, wondering briefly if the man speaking in a hushed voice crouched next to her bed is actually Ben, or a figment of her imagination. A bad dream. Or just wishful thinking.

"It's late. This is definitely not the right time for a conversation."

"A conversation…" He sighs. This long, soulful exhale that must come from the blackness of the Abyss itself. It seeps into the Force and makes its web quiver. "Perhaps it's more of a confession."

The susurrations that surround him make the hair of her skin stand on end.

"Ben, you're in no condition to say anything to me right now."

"On the contrary. This is very, very important." he whispers. "And I need to say it right now because if I don't, I'll never find the courage to do so again."

She shakes her head. "You're drunk. Nothing you say will have any value tomorrow morning..."

"I love you…"

Rey's heart stops. It just ceases to beat altogether..

She must have not heard right.

"I know you don't believe me but I do…I truly do." He looks at her with those glistening eyes. "You've ruined me."

"Ben, why are you saying these things?" Rey feels her chest is starting to cave in on itself.

He fiddles with her fingers. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are? I must have told you at some point. I think I have…"

Rey knows he has. She remembers it as clear as day. The way she'd hung from his lips, wearing the midnight outfit he had dressed her in and starving for his approval.

"You're crazy. I hope you know you're absolutely insane coming to my room in the middle of the night, drunk out of your mind to say these things to me and…" Gods, Rey wants to slap him and kiss him at the same time. Look at what he's done now, making her eyes fill with tears once again. "You're a complete idiot."

He chuckles again. This sound that reverberates down to her very bones.

"And you are my sun," he conterfetes easily, despite his drunken haze. "All bright and golden and warm - and I don't deserve you. You shouldn't have come back…" He sighs in the darkness.

Rey knows she shouldn't have come back. And yet here she is.

"I came back because I'm supposed to protect you," she whispers to him, wishing she could believe that herself.

"And who will protect you from me?"

His dark eyes are on her, consuming every last drop of resistance.

Damn him.

Rey feels a tear hurrying down her cheek.

His gaze follows its trail, and he brings a finger up to collect it. Stares at it as if it's something rare sparkling in the night. But Rey knows it's not true. More of them are already falling down its path. It takes him a moment or two before he's able to continue in a voice barely above a whisper. There's something about the shadows and the secrets they can keep that makes Rey wonder if any of this will follow them out into the light of day.

"I killed him."

"Killed who?"

"My father," he mutters, almost to himself..

His declaration stuns her. Rey doesn't know what to say back. "Ben, you were in Coruscant, your father was on Starkiller Base - how could you have possibly…"

"I sent him there..."

He squeezes her fingers. His grasp hurts, but she doesn't complain. She simply waits for him to continue with a burning chest.

"I sent him to Starkiller Base because he's the best smuggler in the galaxy. But the truth is, I could have sent anyone else to do that same mission, and they probably would have pulled it through just as well. I chose to send my father instead. I…"

He stops. Tries to assemble himself.

"Are you sure he's dead?" Her voice comes out just as low. "I mean, I know there hasn't been any news about the Falcon, but he could have found some other way to escape."

She feels his intense eyes on her in the darkness.

He raises his hand, unlaces her fingers one by one from his. Cradles her small hand in his own for a heartbeat before he lets it go. Ben rises and stumbles a step back.

"I killed my father, and I nearly forced myself on you. I didn't come to your room for consolation, Rey, I don't deserve it. I came because…" he stops again. Takes another step back. A creature hiding in the dark. "I …"

Something inside her comes undone. She slides out of bed, rushes to him before he disappears on her again. She grasps his face in her hands. Ben closes his eyes and tries to pull away, but his movements are slow and sluggish.

"Look at me!"

He darts his eyes to hers, but quickly looks away. Stars, he is a wreck.

"It's not your fault. This whole galaxy falling apart is not your fault. Your father's death as a consequence of you asking him for his help is not your fault. And my decision to stay so that you could force yourself on me, or whatever it is you want to call it, does not belong to you. Everyone makes their own choices. I made mine, just the way you had made yours."

"I tied you to my bed so you couldn't leave."

"You did."

"I ripped your clothes off and treated you worse than a whore."

"You did."

"I was going to fuck you. Hard. Make you bleed."

"You had told me you would. I agreed to stay."

"Why?" He breaths.

"You needed me..."

He licks his lip. It trembles lightly, and his eyes sparkle in the darkness. "You didn't want me."

"Not like that." She caresses his face and runs her fingers through his tangled strands, soothing his fears away. "Not like that..."

"I'm a monster." He bows his head. Hides his face from her. "How can you love a monster?"

Rey pulls his face back to her. She looks at the shame in his eyes. "Because I see the man…"

Ben rubs his hand down his face. Tries to stifle his beautiful emotions.

"I can't sleep," he rasps.

"I know. I'll help you. You can stay with me."

"I don't deserve you…"

"That's not true."

He shuts his eyes again. Rey feels the war raging inside him. This constant battle of desires, needs and responsibilities. She takes his hands in hers and back steps towards the bed.

"Rey…"

"Hush. You look horrible. You need to rest."

"Will we go back to the way we were tomorrow?" He breathes. "I don't think I can go back to that anymore..."

Rey wishes he hadn't asked that question. She wishes she had no answer. "Let's not talk about this tonight, ok?" She mutters. "Sit."

He easily slumps on the bed and looks up at her as if she's something divine. And maybe it's because of that look he gives her that Rey feels as if she wields a power that comes from another world.

She steps between his legs and runs her hand through his hair. Removes the tangles that are caught in their ends. What could she ever say to him to ease his fears and self-loathing that he could possibly believe? All she's done till now is reject him.

A thought shadows his gaze, followed by a frown. She touches his brow, trying to ease the creases away. He licks his lips, hesitantly, and Rey braces herself for what comes next.

"Who's betraying the Republic, Rey?" He whispers. The question behind who is trying to kill him is left unspoken. "Did Jeff tell you?"

"He didn't, but I found out," she simply admits. She still tries to push away the memory of ripping through the depths of Jeff's mind in search of information. She had gone too deep. Too quickly. And the way that Jeff had screamed still haunts her.

No.

It's done. There's no use going back to that now.

She caresses the scar running down his face. Ben would have died the night of the shuttle accident if she hadn't been at his side. He would have died, and Rey would have never been able to walk this galaxy with a sane mind again. But Ben is alive and breathing, and looking at her right now as if she owns his very soul. Rey would rip through a thousand minds and take a thousand lives to make sure no harm would ever come to him.

Her fingers run across the stubble of his jaw.

"Jeff wasn't certain, because communication was always encrypted. But he suspected it was the High Ruler of Arkanis working for the First Order. I've brought back the hard drives from Jeff's place. There's a General Hux in the First Order that's from Arkanis, and there's evidence in the archives that he and the High Ruler were somehow connected."

Ben shuts his eyes and drops his head, hiding his face behind his hand again. Yes, she knows his lust has made him blind and reckless in his choices. That it nearly lead him to his own demise. And that one more person in his close surroundings has ended up betraying him.

"Let me go, Rey… Please let me go."

Her heart twists painfully inside her. At the muffled sob that breaks him. But it's too late now to let go.

"I can't..."

She wraps her arms around him, cradles his drowned grunts against her body. She always knew that when the time came, she would never be able to let him go. He's always been a part of her.

His hands cling desperately around her waist. Around her heart and mind and very soul.

The moon glows outside, and the snow falls, and the world goes round. Unaware and oblivious to the two creatures coming undone in the shadows of a room.

But Time knows. It stills and waits for them..

"You need a bath," Rey mumbles eventually.

She sets her hands on his shoulders, runs her fingers delicately down the plains of his chest. She grasps the rim of his shirt to tug it off. He smells of sweat and the stench of the Lower levels but Rey is determined to peel all the filth of the underworld from him layer by layer.

He shakes his head because there is no more fight left in him. But it's ok, Rey thinks. She will do all the fighting that's needed for both of them tonight.

"Lift your arms, Ben," she says softly.

The way he gazes at her when their eyes meet makes her insides crumple. But Ben complies and does as he's told. His skin is as pale as the moon when she removes his dirty shirt.

She drops to her knees between his legs. Unlaces his muddy shoes.

He tries to move his foot away and get off the bed. "I don't want you to do that. I can…"

She looks at him, setting her hands on his thighs. Stills him.

"You have been taking care of a galaxy," she says in that hushed way that has settled between them. "Let me take care of you for one night."

The rawness in his gaze nearly takes her breath away.

She removes his shoe and then the other. Then sets her hands on the fastenings of his pants. His hands fly to stop her. "Rey... Don't."

She lifts her gaze at him.

Even in the darkness of the room she can see the crimson red that has spread to his cheeks. She can feel him half aroused underneath his fastenings, warm and throbbing. It fills her with power. Her hands linger for a moment too long before she finally decides to release him.

"Alright," she relents. She sets her hands on his thighs, relishing on the muscle underneath the thick fabric. Her fingers dig in slightly, refusing to let go.

Ben stares at her with that unfathomable way of his. His large hands caress her shoulders and his fingertips drop to her collarbones. They remain there, indecisive for a moment too long.

Rey wants him to lean in. To touch his lips to hers. She wants to taste the bitter cigar and sharp alcohol on his breath. The desire is so potent it makes her head spin.

But Ben pulls away.

"I need to bathe...And rest." He envelopes her hands, removing them from his body. He looks at her as if there is no forgiveness left for him in the universe.

It springs tears back into her eyes. Rey nods.

"Are you hungry? I can get you something to eat while you're in the fresher."

"Yes," he nods boyishly at her behind his wisps of black hair.

"Ok."

"Sounds good."

She leans in to catch his sad eyes and smiles timidly up at him.

"Rey, please don't look at me like that..."

Yes, yes, she knows. She's got to give him some space. She gets up and takes a step back. It turns out to be harder than she thought.

"I'll make you something simple, like a sandwich," she blabbers. "I don't want any kitchen droids mingling. They'll end up waking up the whole estate."

"That's fine. I don't mind…" he mumbles, rubbing his hands down his thighs.

He lifts his dark gaze to hers.

It takes every ounce of will to tear herself from him. "I'll be right back."

The doors hiss lightly behind her, and her footsteps are silent across the long, dark corridors of his estate. It's snowing again, from what Rey can see, as she passes by tall windows and balcony doors - but the cold is locked outside and she has all the warmth she needs within these endless walls.

Rey decides to make him a large ham and cheese sandwich with lettuce and tomatoes and a light vinaigrette sauce, a freshly squeezed fruit juice and a serving of buttered scrambled eggs with herbs and cheese. She hopes it will be enough for him for tonight. He looks as if he hasn't eaten in days.

Rey shakes her head in agitation, wondering how he's made it this far in life.

When she returns with the meal and an added bowl of fruit for herself, she finds him laying on her bed. His upper body is perched on a couple of pillows, and his lower half sprawled with a blanket covering him. The bedlight is on, and it's warm glow falls on Ben's bare chest and a datapad that's been forgotten on him.

"Ben?" She calls softly.

She approaches, setting the tray on a coffee table. He doesn't answer back. Rey climbs on the empty side of the large four poster bed, crawling up to him carefully.

"Ben," she whispers. But his eyes are closed. The dark circles under them are so prominent under the soft lighting that her chest clenches painfully at the sight. He looks exhausted.

She takes the datapad and shuts off the light, darkness taking over her room once more. But Rey doesn't mind as she slips under the covers next to him with her body turned towards the sleeping man. She buries her head in a soft pillow, staring at his sharp profile in the shadows. Counting the rise and fall of his chest.

It's been years since she last slept next to him, calming his nightmares and guarding his dreams. She never thought she'd get the chance to do it again. So, Rey watches him, eyes wide open in the stillness of the night, brushing the shadows away from his mind. Fighting to give him just one night of peaceful, restful sleep.

It's the least that she can do for the boy, she decides.

For the man she will love until the end of time.

Author's note: ; ) It will be interesting to read your theories about what Ben did. I will not be answering that in the story but perhaps we could try to see beyond that now. Just the way Rey does. And for the record, the author believes that he might have TRIED to hook up. But it's a topic open for interpretation.