Touch

Rey wakes because of a branch swaying in the wind outside her balcony door.

There's a hint of daylight falling inside, and she rubs her eyes, wondering how in the heavens she managed to allow herself to sleep when she was supposed to be guarding Ben's mind from Snoke. She is much better equipped to do that now then when she was nine years old. But truth is, she is exhausted herself. It has been nothing but tossing and turning for weeks now due to Ben's escalating restlessness robbing her of sleep.

Or - at least she'd like to make herself believe her lack of sleep has nothing to do with her own battling thoughts and emotions. Rey would very much like to blame Ben for the countless insignificant little moments between them that have been capsizing her life for weeks now.

But how can she?

She sighs.

When he's sleeping so peacefully draped over her body like a blanket tonight?

His head is resting on top of her beating heart, and his light breath fans on her exposed skin. It warms her. Comforts her. Makes her feel like he can almost belong to her. It makes her not want to get off this bed for the remainder of the night, actually. Or century.

Perhaps night can find a way to stretch into the day.

She touches his hair that's sprawled on her chest, runs her fingertips down the smooth skin of his back. There's so much of him on top of her. Rey decides she likes the weight of his heavy body, burying her into the soft mattress of their bed and making it hard for her to breathe. And his skin, too… All this skin at the disposal of her wandering fingers.

Ben stirs.

Her fingers still.

But he only shifts slightly, and Rey moves her leg from under him to get a little more comfortable. It's a bit of an odd position she finds herself in - but he's sleeping soundly, so she figures it's alright.

She wonders if he feels cold at all. His back is exposed to the cool temperature of the room, while Rey lies nicely tucked under him. The blanket barely covers the bottom half of his body, which she tries really hard not to stare at in mortifying curiosity.

There's just so much skin and muscle…

Rey shakes her head, trying to collect her wild thoughts.

Perhaps she should have brought him some night clothes from his room, along with the food. She should have figured there was no way he would wear those filthy clothes again.

Well, no point in contemplating about that now.

She shrugs to herself.

It's not as if she can do anything about it.

Her calloused fingertips continue their walk down the vertebrae of his back.

He smells much better now, she decides. A bit flowery, instead of his usual headier musk, but it's completely understandable since he bathed in her fresher. She's not picky.

His hair is still damp, though. Maybe he is cold.

She grasps the ends of the blanket with her other hand, trying to cover him up, but it's too damned tangled under him.

Rey huffs.

Ben stirs again.

She freezes. The branch outside brushes against the window a couple of more times and birds begin to chirp, before she relaxes under him. She really doesn't want to wake him. He needs his rest.

Rey looks over to the little table on the side of the bed. The little bowl of fruit she had brought in earlier in the night is right where she had left it. She stares at it, munching on her bottom lip. She knew she should have gotten some food inside her before she went to bed. She had barely had any dinner due to her incessant worrying about this crazy man laying on top of her.

She brushes the dark thoughts aside belong in the past, and she can only look forward now.

The bowl is not that far off, now that she thinks about it. Only at arm's length. Perhaps she could reach it.

Rey extends her arm and stretches her fingers, trying to reach the rim of the bowl without waking the sleeping man. It turns out to be quite a task.

She bites her bottom lip, holding her breath because her fingers are just a hair away from touching the bowl. In fact, if it were only just a bit closer… Just a tad really...

She'd almost…

Yeah, it definitely looks like she'll have to use the Force.

"What are you doing?"

Her eyes widen.

The deep voice makes her tip the bowl over, causing every single one of the delicious starfruit to spill on the floor.

"Force, you scared me!"

Ben chuckles, this sound that reverberates warmly inside her. "I've been listening to your heart patter, wondering what you were up to." He raises his head and rests his chin on her chest, looking at her playfully - but also a little guarded. She realizes with a pang it's because he expects her to turn him down in some way again. "Why didn't you wake me?"

His eyes are a bit swollen, but the dark circles underneath are not as prominent. It makes her wish she had stayed completely still for him to rest a bit more

"I didn't want to. You seemed so peaceful sleeping the way you did, and I know how hard it is for you to get a little rest. How long have you been up?""

Something in his gaze changes. Turns a little darker. "The moment you started tracing my spine."

Oh.

Rey feels her cheeks start to heat.

"But it's fine," he rushes to say. "I don't mind..."

He crosses his forearms over her chest and rests his chin on them, continuing to regard her cryptically in this semi-darkness that's being chased away by dawn.

"I made you something to eat earlier, but by the time I returned, you had already fallen asleep. How do you feel?"

"Better… Much, much better…You?"

"Alright, I guess. Any nightmares?"

Ben shakes his head lightly.

"I'm glad," she smiles.

He hums lazily, continuing to watch her with that gaze that stirrs the rhythm of her heart.

"Are you hungry at all?" She asks, lowering her voice, as if some intimate meaning hides behind her words.

He curls the side of his lips a little too mischievously. "Will you feed me?"

"If you're good to me."

She can feel her heart beating wildly under his hands, and she knows that he's aware. And he's basking in her boldness. His smile widens and he crinkles his eyes.

"Oh, I'll be good, baby girl…"

They regard each other quietly, this moment too fragile, too thin and delicate to touch. Rey holds her breath, feeling her pulse throb in her ears.

Ben shifts slowly. Carefully. Raising himself on his forearms and sliding between her legs to look down at her. His heavy gaze never leaves her face. She feels like he's studying every little movement, every blink and every breath. Searching…

Verifying.

Her chest starts to throb.

Stars, she can't hide from him.

He leans in slowly. Painfully so, letting her realize what his intention is. His breath fans her slightly parted lips, lingering for a heartbeat. And then he kisses her.

Softly. Just once.

Ben pulls back to discern her reaction. His eyes shimmer in the darkness, and he must see something that emboldens him because he brushes his lips on hers before he captures them again. The sound of their kiss is so sweet in the silence of the room it makes her whole body tingle. She timidly wraps her arms around his neck, and it seems that Ben must like it because she feels his tongue caress the inside of her bottom lip. It's a very, very sensitive spot, she realizes with a shiver, and he takes advantage of her response to mold his mouth to hers with a tenderness that makes her chest hurt.

But it doesn't last. Rey has barely tasted the faint remains of alcohol when he pulls away with the strangest expression on his face. Rey can't help herself when she reaches for just one more chaste kiss.

Or two…

His lips are so incredibly soft, and she really, really likes the feel of them.

But he's looking at her now with that unwavering gaze.

"I meant it," he says solemnly. "What I said to you last night. I haven't forgotten."

Her breath hitches. His confession, as he had branded it last night, had hit her hard. Rey had found herself clinging to every last thread of reason, only to discover that she had already fallen.

She had believed him.

But today is different. The drunken haze has lifted. For all she knows, Ben might have regretted saying those words to her, and she doesn't want him to feel obliged to repeat them.

"You were drunk. I didn't give much gravity to what you said."

Rey is so aware of the weight of him pressing down on her and her body caged between his strong arms. And that gaze...Making her feel more naked than the man on top of her.

"You don't believe me," he states.

"No, it's not that."

"You're afraid I'll try to hurt you again."

"It's… No."

"Then, tell me."

There is no going back.

If she tells him, there is no going...

He shuts his eyes and sighs. "I'm sorry. I don't want to pressure you. I…" He tries to shift. To get off her. But her hands grasp his shoulders, preventing him from moving away.

He looks at her, confused for a split second before his eyes soften. Hope. "You have to tell me what's on your mind, Rey. What I did to you the other night is something I will never forgive myself for, and you don't have to pretend like everything is forgiven and forgotten between us. I'll take anything you throw my way, but please don't take us back to how we were before, barely exchanging five words to each other during the day. I can't do that anymore."

"Ben, what you're asking…"

"What I'm asking is for you to tell me what you want from me."

"It doesn't matter."

"That's not good enough anymore."

Rey swallows thickly.

"I have the galaxy - and you don't want a single particle of it," he continues. "I offer to take care of you, protect you from the dangers of a Jedi's life, have you by my side, but you reject it all. Is there anything I could ever give you that you would want?"

She tries to look away, but he curls his fingers under her chin, turning her head so that he can see her.

"Rey?"

Gods, this stupid, stupid man.

"You."

Ben stares at her with those maddening eyes. His breathing starts to pick up. There's a tension in the Force already coiling up. His eyes dart anxiously between hers.

"All I have ever wanted is you, Ben. But I'm not willing to share you with another woman. Least of all Hannah."

"You ask for a life that does not belong to us. That we have no right to hope for. Maybe if life had been different for both of us, simpler, with less responsibilities. But too much is at stake."

She's selfish. Rey knows she's being selfish.

"This is what I want."

He clenches his jaw and shakes his head. He is battling with himself again, in a war they both know he can never win.

"You're breaking my heart…" he whispers. "I love you so much, and you're breaking my fucking heart."

Rey has known for a while that they couldn't come out of this in one piece. Ben had known that from the very beginning. It's the reason he had once tried to push her away.

"Let me figure things out. Let me find a way… There must be a way," he mumbles.

But Rey knows there is no way out of this situation.

Ben tries to pull away again, but she stops him. Stars, she wishes she could keep him. He lifts his eyes to look at her, and it's the most heartbroken gaze she has ever seen him wear. Perhaps what he said to her last night was true.

She has ruined him.

"Let's not talk about this now." She threads her fingers through his hair, the sensation of being able to freely touch him completely new and intoxicating to her. "The Force is so quiet, and the world is still asleep, and I like the way we are right this moment. How about we try to keep this moment for us, Ben. I don't know how many more we will have together."

She tries not to let her emotions get the better of her again. She plays with the damp tips of his hair at the nape of his neck, hoping those embarrassing tears won't start forming in her eyes. Rey does not remember crying so much in her life.

"I don't want you to go…" he says softly.

And that is exactly the kind of push they needed, because she knows they're falling down her cheeks. She nods and her lip trembles. The one he had traced so gently earlier.

"I know." She whispers, because she senses her voice will betray her. "But I can't stay."

He sets his forehead on hers and swipes her tears with the pad of his thumbs over and over, in those small little circles that she's barely gotten to know, and yet has already missed.

"Don't cry," he says, but his voice is hoarse. "You know I don't like seeing you cry."

Rey sniffs and tries to give him a bright smile. But she's pretty sure it looks kind of pathetic. Ben mirrors it, and his eyes glisten a little as he leans in to kiss the salty trail of her tears.

Rey loves the soft sensation of his lips and the way he cradles her face in his large hands. It makes her feel wanted. Cherished...

"Let me show you how I feel," his breath fans on the shell of her ear. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that…"

He pulls away to look at her, and all Rey can do is stare back at him in awe. Because she sees it. She sees the love he carries for her that has broken him so. It has changed and evolved, and certainly lost its innocence. And just like the man, it has its flaws and imperfections, bearing down on her and overwhelming her with its brutal intensity. But there's a depth to this love now, a throbbing potential energy, that can lift her to the heavens and give her the power to rearrange the stars.

And now Rey can't live without it.

She's the one who pulls him down for a kiss this time, with a ferocity and hunger that are frightening. If he's surprised he doesn't show it, but complies easily to her desperate fumblings. One of his arms wraps around her waist, the other holds his weight as Rey searches for a way to come closer to him, to mold their bodies together. It's a frustrating sensation, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin on her.

Ben chuckles in her mouth as she wraps her legs around his hips, her body craving for friction against this part of him that she can already feel is hard against her center.

"Easy there, kitten… No need to show your claws."

"Ben, you have to…"

He hushes her, kissing the tip of her nose before he looks at her tenderly. "I know what you need, and you'll have it."

She stares at him, at those dark eyes boring into her soul, as she digs her nails in the thick muscles of his shoulders. He rocks against her, slowly, his hardness rubbing against that sweet throbbing between her legs as he holds on to her - because Rey believes she'll fall if he lets go.

But she trusts him.

"I've got you," he whispers as her body bucks at the wondrous sensation. "I won't let go…I'll make you feel so good when I'm inside you. When you're all spread and wet and clenching for me." She shivers at the sensation of his tongue caressing the sensitive spot under her ear, and his voice is sugary and wicked. "Will you touch yourself, my angel, and think of me on those cold, lonely nights away from my love?""

It stings. What he just said to her stings, reminding her of the thin line she constantly walks when she's around him. But she understands where his bitterness stems from.

She parts her lips to answer, but he's grasping her chin and kissing her senseless before she's able to say a word.

Rey gets lost.

Lost in the whispered words of sinful affection he says to her, on his assured wandering hands, on the rhythm he's working on her body. And she revels on it.

He slides his large hand up her thigh, all the way to her hip bone, and grasps the hem of her night pants. His gesture is urgent and a little rough as he pulls on them, and their seams stretch.

He immediately freezes.

Ben snaps his eyes to hers, petrified, and he pulls away.

It takes a heartbeat or two for the dreadful realization to settle over her, and for Rey to see the true impact and damage that awful night has had on him.

"Hey, it's alright… I want this," she says, reaching for his hands."I would have told you to stop if I didn't."

He rakes his hand through his hair and runs it down his face. This beautiful man - tangled in the sheets before her.

"You never told me to stop that night."

"You weren't yourself…"

He can barely look her in the eye.

"Would you have forgiven me, if I had gone on ahead?" His deep voice is barely recognizable.

The question hangs in the silence of the room, and Rey can't help but battle with the possibilities for a few endless moments.

Would she have been able to forgive him?

She is relieved to know that she never has to find out.

But still…

The answer feels like a revelation.

"Eventually…" she whispers to him. "Yes."

He rubs his eyes with his fingers.

"Maker, Rey, I will never do something like that to you again. You won't even need to tell me to stop if something makes you feel uncomfortable. I'll know."

Stars, this man…

She shuffles towards him and cups his cheek. She searches his eyes. "Ben, I trust you… No, don't look away.. Please don't… Look at me. I mean it."

He lifts his eyes.

He is so broken and ashamed, and Rey wants so desperately to fix him. To put together all these broken pieces and shards and make him the man he was always meant to be.

Hers.

"You're the most important thing to me in this whole stupid universe," she says, trying to comfort him, to reassure him. "I want you to know that."

He looks away, taking her hand in his gently to set a soft kiss on the inside of her wrist. "That's not true…" he says, trailing his soft lips on her pulse. "Don't lie to me. We both know what is most important to you," he whispers a little bitterly, and her heart clenches. Gods she can't see him like this.

She can't leave him.

"I'll stay," she blurts out, and his dark eyes snap to hers, startled. She caresses his face. "I'll stay. I can't be away from you. And besides, someone needs to get you out of those messes you get yourself into."

He stares at her, surprised and heartsick and all consuming, and Rey believes he must have stopped breathing because he's as still as a marble statue for an endless moment.

"Breathe, sweetheart," she giggles, but it comes out a little choked. "Just breathe…"

And then his hands are all over her, grasping the hem of her little shirt and lifting it off her body. Her hair spills from its loosened holds, and her skin prickles against the coldness of the room - but his body is so warm and solid, and he envelopes her so perfectly.

Ben kisses her neck and the jut of her collar bone, trailing a scorching path with his lips as he sets her back down on the cool sheets.

She buries her hands in his hair just as he takes the nipple of her left breast in his hot mouth. Her eyes fly open at the sensation, because it shoots down to her throbbing core and she definitely did not see that coming.

She squirms under him, but he's latched on and all she can do is pant his name and try not to lose her mind at the way he suckles on her nipple.

"Ben?"

"Hmm…?" He sounds a little breathless, lapping at the tight bud. And is that his stubble scratching against her skin? Rey has forgotten what she was about to say. She tugs on his hair instead. But he only switches breasts, and Rey thinks she will die.

"Take my clothes off," she whispers to him. "Take them all off, please…"

He moans on her breast, and Rey knows she's muttering crazy things to him as he pulls away and grasps the hem of her night pants for a second time.

Ben peels them off.

Her mind is clouded, and her body aroused and her heart is thudding in her chest like a jackhammer, because he looks so beautiful - tall and straight before her. She reaches her hand out to touch the muscles of his abdomen, to trace her fingers down the line of hair that lead to his manhood, standing erect and proud.

She is so curious.

She trails her fingertips along the velvet skin of his shaft, and over the silkiness of the round tip while he watches intensely with a quickening breath. It's a little wet there at its end, and Rey collects the little moisture on her index finger.

Then brings her finger to her mouth to taste it.

His gaze grows wild.

He's between her legs in the blink of an eye, pushing them apart and hurrying to devour her.

"Wait!"

She feels horrible at how pained and desperate his expression is when he looks at her from between her legs.

"I want to look at you," she breathes out. "I want to see you and kiss you and…"

"I don't want you to hurt when I push inside you. This will help."

She shakes her head vehemently. "I don't care if it hurts. I want to see you."

And yes, that's a definite growl that he lets out.

"You're just as crazy," he chuckles, crawling up her body to set one of his bruising kisses on her lips. And maybe he's right. She hasn't been functioning right for some time now. She wraps her arms around him, pulling him over her and opens wide for him to claim.

Her body molds instinctively against his as yearning and longing and desperate want take over. This is what Rey has been missing. And suddenly everything aligns perfectly - like some kind of bizarre astronomical phenomenon. Her heart and body and mind and soul, together for this one moment she has been waiting for all her life.

His fingers slip between her swollen, wet folds instead, and Rey stops him with another shake of her head. Ben gulps, on the verge of coming undone.

"Not your fingers," she whispers on his full lips. "You.."

The look he gives her is so adorable it makes any trepidation she might have had melt away. He shakes his head lightly, unable to form a single word. Rey feels him settle between her parted legs, feels him demand entrance to the only part of her he hasn't claimed. The tip of him easily finds its way between her folds.

His brown eyes lock with her hazel ones.

Dawning light breaks into the room just as Ben pushes inside her.

"Ben? Why is it not allowed for the Jedi to love?" The dawning light simmers on his ebony hair as the teenage boy cranks a sleepy eye open for her. "Is that what kept you up all night?" he grumbles. Rey shrugs. "I just don't think I'll become a very good Jedi is all…" The boy rubs his sleepy face and studies her in the dawning light for a few moments before he smirks playfully at her. "And why's that?" Rey shrugs again, pouting her lips. "What if you get to protect the ones you love," he says tweaking her nose. "Will that be alright?" "I don't think I'll ever need to protect you," she answers in a small voice. The teenage boy laughs…

He remains terrifyingly still, sheathed inside her as her body is stretched to its limits to engulf him. The ripping sensation was short, and easily bearable for her, but he still looks down at her carefully, taking in the smallest change in her expression with an affection that makes him glow under the sun's rays.

"Are you alright? Let me take the pain for you. Open up for me, my love."

Rey finds his comment a little silly, to be honest with herself, because he should have noticed.

"I already have…" she whispers to him.

He shuts his eyes for a brief second, reveling in her essence, and then leans in to kiss her softly just as he starts to move. Pulling out carefully and pushing in a little deeper. And, true to his word, the pain is gone and only he is left. Filling her body and heart and giving himself to her without a sliver of hesitation.

It humbles her.

Makes her ache in the most beautiful way.

Ben wraps one of her legs around his hips, holding it there with a splayed palm as he continues to move inside her, coaxing her body to move along to a rhythm that Rey swears follows the cadence of the universe. And as each thrust goes a little deeper and every tender whisper he says digs a little closer to her heart, Rey knows that she will never be the same again.

She will never be alone again.

And it feels so, so good…

"That's it, my love, let me in," he croons sinfully in her ear. "Take all of me in. This is where I belong. Buried deep inside you."

Rey nods in her haze as his hot breath caresses her neck. Because she would do anything and everything he asked of her right now.

Their joined bodies move faster now, breaths panting and skin glistening in sweat as his thrusts get a little harder, a little more erratic, and he grinds against that sacred little spot with every push. Her nails dig in his back.

"Say it to me," she beseeches. "Tell me how you feel. I want to know how you…"

He silences her with a tender kiss.

"Hush now, my love," he says as one more thrust fills her. "I'm here to show you."

Rey can barely hear anything else he says through her own moans of pleasure. She knows he's lifting her, guiding her to a precipice with him, showing her the fall that awaits them. And he is right there with her, inside her, every thrust of the way.

"Are you ready?"

He's looking at her now, a shadow surrounded in a halo of light. The monster, the man, the boy...

"Yes."

Their breaths mingle.

Cum with me…

The universe convulses. Shatters into myriads of suns.

They lay tangled in each other's limbs, and with his spend still sticky between her legs. The sunlight is blinding her eyes, but she buries her face in his neck, savoring his scent and feeling his strong, steady pulse ground the flutter of her own. His hair is matted on his temple, and his chest is glistening with sweat, and Rey feels a blessed tiredness taking over her body.

She falls asleep with his fingers rubbing little circles on her back.

They slumber in and out of sleep for the remainder of the morning. She wakes to his lips tracing lazy paths down the curve of her neck, and his cock already hard against her behind. She feels a little sore when he spreads the lips of her cunt with his thick fingers and rocks himself slowly inside her. But his whispered words of love in her ear, and the affection of his embrace have her soon forgetting all about it.

They are hiding, Rey thinks, as his fingers play deftly with the swollen nub between her legs. They are hiding from the world and its responsibilities. Locked in a room and its four poster bed, and wishing that this could become all the world they need.

Her release creeps up on her, drawn out and intense as she moans his name and clenches around him. He soon follows through in a few powerful thrusts and groans.

They are a mess of sweat, semen, blood and panting breaths. It's all the reality she wants.

They have a kitchen droid bring them food, and they shower together in the fresher. He holds her in his arms, shushing her sobs as the water runs cold around them. His heart thuds in his chest as painfully as hers - because they both know that reality will soon catch up with them.

They eat, they talk, they even laugh…

And they make love.

"Tell me about your dreams, Ben," she whispers later in the night. The room is dark and the night sky heavy outside with the promise of more snow. The lay facing each other, with their legs and arms draped over one another because they have to make up for so many lost touches.

He sighs. "What do you want to know?"

"Why does he want you dead?" She whispers, as if the creature could hear them from across the galaxy.

He looks at her, with those dark, intense eyes simmering in the darkness. He caresses her hair with his large palm, and there's a reverence in his touch, as if she holds all the secrets of the universe.

"He doesn't. He never did," he confesses. "He's always wanted me to join him."

Rey gapes at him. "Why didn't Luke train you, then? You might have been able to fight him off."

Ben shrugs in the shadows. "I always wondered the same thing," he mumbles bitterly.

Who knows how things would have turned out if Ben had remained in the academy? Rey can't help but wonder. Righteous anger fills her at the thought that perhaps Ben would have never been tormented so by his Darkness.

"Tell me more…" she whispers to him. And he does. Recalling the emptiness of his years and his cruel methods of survival in the heartless, greedy world of politics.

"Did you think of me?" She asks at some point.

"You were my sanctuary. How could I not?' He says softly, and kisses her lips.

The birds begin to chirp, and the first light of dawn illuminates the room by the time they fall asleep with the remainders of their lovemaking still fresh on their bodies.

And Rey promises him she will never leave his side again.

Author' note: Chasing cars? Yeah, I think so...Chasing cars. Snow Patrol.