Burn this

Bleeding sunsets are rarely seen on Chandrila.

But nothing could be more fitting for a goodbye such as this.

Ben squints at the red sun and its palette of bruising colors in the sky, feeling the light breeze ruffle wisps of hair around his face. The lake ripples peacefully just a few feet away, and the forest is settling for the evening, a sight that once calmed him, liberated him, is now turning into one of the most haunting images he will ever carry.

That of his father's funeral.

He doesn't even realize his hand is in a tight fist until he feels cool, slender fingertips wrap around it, unclenching one finger at a time to thread between them.

He lifts them to set a kiss on their tips, not giving a flying fuck about what anybody might think, because he can feel Rey's radiant eyes on him, full of care and concern. They lift the weight from his chest - making it, somehow, less painful and constrictive.

She makes living with himself bearable...

Skywalker frowns during his hushed incantation, and his mother gives him a piercing stare, but that's all the attention Rey and he receive from the small company of close friends attending Han Solo's parting ceremony. Ben finds everything redundant. Useless almost.

What's the point of burying a pair of golden-colored dice in the ground when his father's remains are scattered amongst the stars?

He can almost see his father, wearing that infamous smirk and leaning his shoulder against the old bark of the tintolive tree by the back patio. He would have rolled his eyes at all this. And laughed.

"They need a goodbye," Rey whispers next to him, as if his thoughts were voiced aloud. "And so do you."

"I'd rather we stayed locked up in our room back at the estate in Coruscant."

She slides those bright eyes to his, and Ben wants to get lost inside them. Count their golden specks and explore the hidden treasures in their depths for the rest of his life.

"Is that all you ever think about?"

She's chiding him, and she looks so damn adorable that he barely restrains himself from wiping that little pout away with a searing kiss. She's fucked him up real good, this little minx.

"Hardly. I can think of a million better places in this galaxy I would like to lock you in."

"You're unbelievable!"

He untangles their hands and wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her in for a soft kiss on the crown of her head. No. He no longer cares what everyone thinks.

Ben has made up his mind.

"Relax," he whispers in her hair, feeling her tense under his arm. She smells of flowers and the frail scent of freedom. "My father would approve."

"That's not what I'm concerned about. You're not being very discreet."

She pulls away, levels him with that fiery stare. The one that does all sorts of things to him - while she's completely unaware.

"Perhaps I don't care to be anymore. Why don't you let me do the worrying for both of us," he says, and then leans in to whisper in her ear. "The only thing I ask of you is to let me touch you."

He pulls away and watches her. Waiting hungrily for that reaction.

Her lovely cheeks begin to heat. "You're going to get us into trouble," she whispers, incredulous, but he knows she doesn't mean it.

Ben chuckles softly in her hair.

Maker, he's so fucked…

The ceremony is humble and quiet, completely at odds with his father's character. Ben sits on simmering coals throughout it - knowing that if it weren't for Rey at his side he would have fled a while back.

When it ends, Skywalker approaches the two of them, while the rest of the company disperses in small conversations. Two of his Jedi are at his side, Nyxx and a younger woman that Ben has never met before. Sometimes he forgets how many years have passed since he was part of the Academy.

"Ben."

His uncle greets him sternly with those eerie blue eyes, searching to discern what's locked inside his mind. But Ben keep his walls raised and solid. It's a trick he has been forced to teach himself along the years, and it gives him immense satisfaction to know that it's as impermeable to a Master Jedi as it is to Snoke.

When he's awake, at least.

Ben nods back stiffly and Luke turns his attention to Rey, grasping her chin lightly and studying her under the setting rays of the sun. Ben can sense her escalating discomfort and is about to intervene, but Skywalker releases her soon enough with a hum.

"You're more ready than I thought, kid," he mutters and moves on ahead towards the house.

Nyxx winks at her fondly before sending Ben a glare.

"Gettin' your heart all warmed up there, Solo?"

"Get lost, Nyxx. I'm not in the mood."

"Aw...Is this how you treat an old friend? I thought you'd be all mushy and cuddly with me after all this time apart."

Ben narrows his eyes at him.

"Not now," Rey sets her hand on Ben's arm to placate him, but speaks to the Jedi.. "Let him be…This has been a hard day on him."

Nyxx regards her, green charcoaled eyes sparkling mischievously.

"You know I'd bust his balls for you if he misbehaved."

"I know…"

The Jedi nods in acceptance. "Well then, tell your man his days are about to get even harder, and he had better have his head screwed on in the right place. Too much depends on him," he warns.

"Are you done?" Ben snaps.

"For now…" he drawls.

Nyxx shoves his shoulder against him as he moves on, and Ben digs his heels into the ground with the Force to keep himself from staggering.

Piece of shit.

He's lucky Rey likes him so much, otherwise he would have had him exiled to Dathomir to rot with the Nightsisters a long time ago.

"You want to get out of here?" Rey beams at him, and Ben couldn't feel more relieved.

"Absolutely."

Junari Point has always been one of his favorite places to visit at home, with its quiet narrow streets and low built homes. Ben had never imagined he would ever be graced to walk its cobbled alleys with the woman he loves on his side. Its citizens are used to his stark presence and barely pay any attention to him, but they seem to be utterly charmed by Rey.

Which was to be expected.

He watches her order a solid meal from the young waiter, who is smiling politely but seems to be completely smitten by her, at their table overlooking the Silver Sea. Her voice rings pleasantly in the small, family-owned restaurant which serves the best seafood Ben has ever tasted in the galaxy. He can't seem to be able to get his eyes off her tonight.

She is bewitching.

"I've never felt at home on a planet before," she says, sounding a bit melancholy as she stares out at the sea. "Yavin IV was great, and I was never alone at the Academy. But there was always something not quite right about it, despite the years I've spent there." Ben feels her eyes on him as he twirls his glass on the cotton tablecloth.

"Why is that?"

Rey shrugs. "Perhaps because I grew up on a sand planet."

"Growing up at a certain location does not make it your home."

"That's interesting, coming from you. You've always had a home and family that loved you. Unlike me."

"That's not true."

"Your family cares for you. Skywalker as well, although I know you don't want to believe it."

"That's not what I mean."

She raises her brow at him and takes a sip of her wine. Ben continues to twirl his glass as she looks at him expectedly.

"You've always had a home. Perhaps neither of those planets were meant to be your real home but..."

"And where would my real home be?" She asks innocently, but Ben knows her better by now.

He lifts his eyes to look at her.

"With me."

She laughs wholeheartedly, snorting between giggles while he smirks back. She tosses him a piece of bread.

"I'm serious. There's no point in searching the galaxy to find a place to belong," he continues, seemingly self-assured. "You've always belonged to me."

Rey's smile fades slightly, and her beautiful eyes begin to shine. It must be the soft glow of the candle lights and the sound of lapping sea waves on the shore that, somehow, make this moment hovering between them more precious than a promise.

More irrevocable than fate.

The twin moons sparkling in the sea are really doing a number on him tonight.

She clears her throat, pointing to the last pieces of ostracods marinated in a wine sauce that are left on his plate. "Are you going to eat that?"

Ben shakes his head. "It's all yours, sweetheart."

That and so much more.

Rey gives him a radiant smile, and it wraps around his withered heart like a string of neon lights. The damp,salty breeze ruffles their hair as Rey goes on to tell him a story from the Academy. Ben rubs his face and chuckles, allowing the night to carry them back to the past as if it were a dream.

Maker, he wishes he had been there with her so much it hurts.

He watches her carefully, barely eating a bite. Drinking in her presence as if it's the only sustenance he needs.

Her cheeks are sun-kissed from today's sun, and her hair is up in a mess of wild, chestnut strands. Wisps of it fall around the angles of her face and touch her slender neck. Ben wants to twirl their ends around his fingers and lick a trail down that delicious skin.

Feast on her body like the hungry creature that he is.

"You are such a messy eater for someone who is so picky about their food," she comments at some point when the ripples of the sea have turned into a glassy surface and the old fashioned candles on their table are half gone.

She reaches with her thumb to wipe the side of his mouth and Ben instinctively wraps his lips around it. Suckles on the calloused skin and licks it with his tongue.

Rey's gaze darkens.

It's all the invitation he needs to demand the bill to their dinner immediately.

He kisses her fervently up against a stone wall in the back alley of the restaurant, two shadows wrapped in wild panting and an intimate embrace. Far too intimate for any innocent bystander.

"Here?" she breaths onto his heated skin. His fingers are knuckle deep inside her and she's so slick and ready for him, it makes his head spin and his erection ache.

"Yes, here... It'll be quick."

He paws down her pants and unfastens his own. He needs to take the edge off, or he won't be able to walk back to their shuttle.

This is what his beautiful girl has reduced him to.

"Turn around. Put your hands on the wall."

She does as he says without a second word and he nearly growls in satisfaction.

He thrusts inside her eagerly, brutally, with his hand covering her moans and his teeth marking the slender slope of her neck. And his girl takes him all. Every inch and every drop of him. Ben nearly falls to his knees when she milks him dry and then demands more.

He is careless. He knows he's being careless with her, but he will give her the moons and the stars and every broken piece of him to stitch back together, if he can only taste her lips and cum between her legs for the rest of his life.

A life.

With her.

A family...

The traitorous thought flickers inside him. It threatens to consume him whole when she caresses his cheek at the end of their reckless love-making.

"What's wrong?" She asks, studying him with those soul-searching eyes. Their clothes are bunched around their ankles, and she's still caged between his arms when she turns to look at him. Ben lifts his head from her shoulder. He can never hide from her. He sees the melancholy in her gaze and it reflects his own.

"Nothing." Everything will be wrong if she's not by his side. "It's late and I want you in my bed rather than up against a wall."

Laughter breaks from her chest. "You're insatiable."

Yes. Yes, he is.

"I know there's something you wish to tell me." His mother says.

He finds her standing at the patio late that night and staring at the glassy surface of the lake. The moons have risen, yet it's hard to distinguish her figure in the darkness. Those mourning greys she wears now are harder to accept than he thought. But Ben could always sense her, even from across a planet. The power of the Force inside her, although raw and untamed, had been his beacon all his life. When his uncle denied him the training he deserved, it came as no surprise to anyone that Ben chose to follow in her footsteps.

Power is what it is. In one form or another.

He approaches slowly, not wishing to seem urgent or careless in her eyes. His heavy footsteps mingle with the sounds of the sleeping forest, as he comes to stand next to her, setting one hand in his pocket of his trousers and the other on the patio railing. He glances at her, knowing that she's trying desperately to reign in the pain of their loss. She doesn't want to burden him.

If she only knew…

"I'm thinking of not going through with the wedding," he announces.

But she doesn't seem surprised. He waits for a moment, expecting some kind of answer, but she gives him none. Ben frowns. That's the oldest trick in the book she's using on him, one he's used too many times on others himself.

And it always works. Every damn time.

He clears his throat.

"I don't believe it will make a difference if I marry Hannah or not. The Chiss wish to join the Republic on their own terms, and this is the best chance they'll ever get since we need this alliance so much. Hannah is just sealing the deal for us all."

His mother shakes her head, which makes Ben bristle.

"Hannah won't care, mother. Yes, we might get along and work well together, but you know as well as I do that there are no emotions involved between us."

"This isn't just about you and Hannah anymore, Ben."

"Political engagements have been broken before, it hardly means anything if the two parties are still willing to…"

"Not with the Chiss." His mother's eyes are as sharp as daggers on him.

Ben takes a sharp inhale, allowing his gaze to roam over the shadows of the forest line and the midnight sky, so that he can gather his thoughts and put them in some kind of logical order if he wants to have any chance of winning an argument with his mother. He moves his weight from one leg to the other.

"You have been against this marriage from the very beginning, and have talked my ears off too many times in the past. What made you change your mind now?" he concedes.

"Everything changed the moment that damn weapon blew up the Hosnian system, and more than half of the Republic's starfleet along with it! Your deal with the Chiss is more crucial now than it has ever been. We need all the help we can get. I hate to admit it, because I never wanted this for you, but looking ahead and trying to foresee everything that could go wrong is what's making you the Republic's last hope. You must be extremely careful if you choose to back down now."

"I told you Hannah doesn't care…"

"But the Chiss might. Especially if there's a proposition towards them from the First Order. We both know that's a possibility."

Ben huffs, feeling the beginnings of anger stir his insides.

"They will not support the First Order."

"There is no guarantee, especially when it's unclear who the winning side will be."

"Have you such little faith in the Republic, mother?"

He is the worst type of skeptic, but she definitely wins the prize. She knows exactly what to say to crush his hard work to the ground.

"It's a matter of survival in a time of war, Ben," she grinds on. "The new fleet in Kuat is not enough to protect the Republic. Starkiller base has done too much damage!"

Ben clenches his teeth. "So, I've noticed. We are here paying respects to a pair of dice, aren't we?"

His mother flinches as if stung, and Ben knows his venom has hit a vein. Part of him wants to take the words right back but, frankly, he is just too pissed.

"This is about Rey, isn't it?" she asks.

He stares at her, blinking like an idiot.

"What? No!" Fuck. "Of course not."

"Don't think I haven't noticed. Your uncle is even aware."

There's a ruffling of fabric, and she comes to stand directly in front of him, placing her hand on his arm. Her gaze sparkles in the night, and reads him like an open book. He's twice her height, but somehow she still makes him feel like a toddler.

"I know what she means to you, my boy. I can sense what you want, but this is not the right time…"

Ben looks away, chewing the inside of his cheek. He shouldn't have come to her. Deep down he knew she wouldn't support his decision.

"No, you don't know what she means to me," he snaps icily, pulling his arm away. "You never did. Because if either of you knew, you wouldn't have brought her to me."

"She was the only one who could help you!"

"The only one who could fix me, you mean to say. Whose idea was it?"

"Ben, that is not why…"

"Whose idea was it, mother? Yours? Skywalker's? Did my Darkness frighten the two of you so much again that you had to sacrifice Rey to fix me?"

"Ben…"

"Tell me!"

"It was your father's!"

Ben stares at her, dumbfounded for a second time in one night. She's staring at him with tears in her eyes, and Ben does not remember seeing his mother cry in years. Not since his father walked out on her once and for all.

"He never gave a damn about the Force, but he always believed in the connection you shared with Rey. He didn't want you to marry Hannah," she breathes out.

His mother watches him anxiously, her usual collected mask chipping along its edges. Years of sorrow and loneliness threatening to seep through the cracks.

"He didn't want you to live without knowing love, my boy. No matter what pain it may bring… And I agreed."

"What...connection?" Is all he can stammer.

But his mother never answers his questions. She never did. Only plied him with more. Yes, everyone knew how strangely close he was to Rey. How dependent he was on her soothing Light. Ben had forgotten what her presence felt like until he saw a filthy, sand covered Jedi bathe in sunlight in the middle of the Senate's corridor.

And he knew he was fucked.

Because his little girl had grown up to become a stunning woman that could harbor more than just his body. She could harbor his heart.

"What do I do?" He whispers brokenly. "How do I get out of this situation?"

Surely his mother must know. She's always known what to do. And she must help him figure out a way.

But she only caresses his face and wipes his tears away gently, with her own eyes glistening in the moonlight.

"My sweet, precious boy… There is no way out, now. You have no choice."

Rey's half asleep when he slips under the covers of his old bed, her body warm and relaxed and so inviting. But he's too messed up to think of anything else other than wrapping his body around hers and basking in her comfort. He puts his arm around her waist and pulls her close to him.

"What took you so long?" she asks over her shoulder. Her voice is hoarse and drowsy.

Ben buries his nose in her hair, that smells like burned candle and the salt of the sea, refusing to give her an immediate answer.

He has received a communication from Connix. One that he has been dreading for weeks. And he wishes he could hide the news from Rey and find someway to keep her away from his cruel reality. Shield her. Protect her like he always did.

But she's not a little girl anymore. And he's grown so very tired of carrying the world on his shoulders all on his own.

"The Chiss delegation has arrived and is in orbit around Coruscant. They are waiting for me," he mumbles in her hair, tightens his hold around her waist.

He can't let her go. He must figure out a way.

She nods on the pillow, shuffles around to look at him. Her breath feels so wistful on his face, and their closeness in this small bedroom of his childhood years carries a nostalgia that has dug so deep inside him, Ben knows he has never fully recovered from its loss. He has carried Rey throughout the years. Searched for her in every face that showed a spark of interest in him.

Tried to replace her.

How foolish of him to think that he could.

Ben can't meet her gaze.

"You're not alone in this. I promised you I'd stay," she speaks softly, searching his eyes.

"I don't want to put you through this pain…"

"I"ve been through worse pain before, Ben. I don't want to be away from you anymore."

She runs her fingers through his hair and it feels so damn good, but he thinks it must be something else that has made his chest clench so hard. Perhaps it was the way she said his name, or the softness of her voice, or...

It's so hard to tell.

"Ben, are you alright?"

Something inside him bursts. Like a dam or volcano. It floods and incinerates him, threatening to level and destroy everything he's ever built. It makes his heart thump in a painful tempo and fills him with resolve.

He snaps his gaze to hers.

"I'm calling off the wedding," he says suddenly.

Rey's eyes open wide.

"What?" she stammers.

But Ben has made up his mind.

"I'm not marrying Hannah."

He no longer gives a damn.

Her fingertips touch the high bone of his cheek and it feels as if they shake a little. She looks surprised. Frightened almost.

"Can you really do that?" The hope igniting in her eyes is the most beautiful emotion he has ever seen. Ben knows he will walk to the pits of hell itself and back if he can get to keep Rey at his side.

He captures her lips hungrily before she's able to voice a single objection, laying down on his back and pulling her over him. She straddles his hips and pushes herself up to look at him.

"I don't care what it takes," is all he can say.

He cups her face in his large hands, runs his thumbs along the bow of her lips and gazes up at her. At his little girl. His mighty Jedi.

His devastating woman.

"I want you."

And the whole galaxy can burn down with him.

Author's note: Only a handful of days till the wedding and our babies are getting desperate. A choice between duty and love is not as simple as it may seem. There are some hard decisions coming up!