A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful responses I received. I will be posting this today, earlier than I expected but I finished it and didn't want to make you wait. After this chapter I will be sticking with weekly updates. So keep your eyes peeled every Wednesday. As always, let me know what you think by leaving a review!
Changes by Langhorne Slim & The Law
"Things could be stranger but I don't know how
I'm going through changes now
I've spent a lifetime trying to figure it out
I'm going through changes now"
Defining Moments
Chapter 2: New and... Improved?
Steph's POV
A knock at my door startles me out of my self-inspection. I had been resting my hands on my sink, staring deeply into the mirror at my skin. I had little to no wrinkles, which I find to be somewhat of a miracle at the ripe age of 29. My eyes, still hold their startling blue color and continue to be one of my best features. My eyebrows need a wax and thankfully, my upper lip only contains small peach fuzz. All in all, not too shabby. The hang-over is pretty much gone after a shower and food. I step back and make sure I am decent before heading to the door. Looking out the peep-hole, I let out a big sigh.
"Joe," I state, swinging the door open wide. "How many times do I have to tell you?" He's standing there with flowers. The third bouquet he's given me in all the years he's known me—and all of them came after our break up.
"C'mon Cupcake, we're good together," he says lowering his voice, "we're meant to be, even my Grandma Bella agrees." I blow out a stream of air. Apparently, his Grandma Bella isn't psychic after all or she's having an off day.
"Joe it won't work! It's been almost six months already," I reply, trying to rein in my Italian temper. He shoots me a smirk and turns on his bedroom eyes. Thankfully, I invested in a new shower massager just so I wouldn't give in to temptation. The daily Boston Crème donut helps too and considering the crying and drinking I did last night, I'm in no mood.
"Cupcake, stop playing. The boys miss you," he states wiggling his eyebrows, "I miss you." I'm not sure how I ever found it attractive when he did this. I shake my head. Terri should be filling his "needs." I have heard she dumped his sorry ass when she found out he was trying to win me back.
"Joe, I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't miss you," I say keeping my voice level. I don't want to hurt him, but he doesn't seem to get it. He throws the flowers down. He makes a sound of disgust.
"I don't know why I keep bothering." He storms away angrily. I sigh, pick up the flowers and shut the door. A single tear rolls down my cheek. I am pushing away the only man who wants me and probably making a huge mistake. I rest my head against my door. It's the right thing to do. I should focus on myself and getting over Ranger since I don't have a chance with him. He's told me enough times that he's not marriage material and that while he loves me, it can never be more than sex. Seeing him with Jeanne Burrows just shows he's not interested in me at all. I sigh as I place the flowers in a vase. I look around my dismal apartment. It's time to grow up, Steph. I barely make enough money to pay rent and feed my pet hamster. Now that I won't be with Joe, I need to really think hard about what I want in life. After all, I never know what could happen.
I decide my first order of business is to finally make friends with my gun. I need it, and I've used it before. If Scrog has taught me anything, it's that I need to be more prepared. I sigh as I take it out of the cookie jar. I make sure it's loaded and stick it back in. I'm going to change into some athletic clothes, jog and stop by the bonds office. The thought of exercise does not excite me in the least. In fact, it makes my stomach clench and my feet feel like lead. I contemplate on if I really need to do it, and then I see Ranger coming through my front door and getting shot all over again. I straighten my shoulders, take a deep breath and exhale. I need to do this. With my new resolve, I head into my bedroom, find a pair of black Capri leggings and pull on a sports bra and a Ranger's tank-top. I put on some socks and lace up my Nikes. I pull my unruly hair back into a ponytail and swipe on a few layers of mascara for confidence. This is the new and improved Stephanie Plum!
I do some stretches, put my gun in the holster under my tank top, and put my keys in my pocket. I am ready to go. I also feel like I might end up regretting going for a jog and then having to walk home. I bite my lip before sucking it up and heading out the door. I opt for the stairs instead of the elevator. I need to break old habits. My eating may never change, but I do need to be more in shape if I want to get better at apprehending skips. I'm not overweight or anything, but I do have a few more rolls than I'd like. I slide my sunglasses on as I squint into the Spring sun. At least it's not sweltering out just yet. I take a deep breath and start on my jog. I take it slow. I decide to go through the park instead of staying on the street. I don't feel like dealing with all the honking. Ten minutes in and I have a stitch in my side, my face is beet red, and I'm panting like a dog. Thankfully, the bonds office is in sight. See, I tell myself, this isn't that bad. Faster than my car too! I don't have to sit in traffic. I decide to slow to a walk to cool down so I don't completely embarrass myself when I see the girls.
By the time I reach the bonds office door, I've stopped sweating and my face is only flushed. I walk into the smell of donuts. Mmm. I grab a Boston Creme and consume it like it's the best thing on earth. I guess I need it after that awful attempt at a run. Connie barely looks up from painting her nails fire engine red. Connie Rossolli is the office manager for my cousin. God bless her for continuing to work for that weasel. She's about 5'2'' with curves on curves. Her boobs triple mine. I'd say she looks similar to Betty Boop but she sometimes has a fine, thin black mustache. Connie is Italian through and through. She was a few years older than me in school and always bustier. She's got connections to the mob and has put up with my cousin Vinnie for years. She's probably the only woman besides Vinnie's wife Lucille that puts up with him on a day to day basis. When I call Vinnie a weasel or sleazeball, I'm not exaggerating. Vinnie is a thin guy with oily skin and slicked back black hair. He spends most of his days locked behind his office door, but occasionally we can hear the calls of different barnyard animals…Shudder. He has a penchant for kinky stuff in the bedroom which his wife knows nothing about. That's actually how I blackmailed him for the job. For the most part, I try staying clear of him.
"Hey Steph," Connie calls, "I have a couple of files for you, one is pretty big. It's a $250,00 bond with a $25,000 payout. RangeMan isn't doing bonds lower than 500,000 anymore." My mouth drops. This could be the perfect skip for my last go-round as a bounty hunter.
"Whoa! Sounds exciting but who is it? The bond must be high for a reason," I reply feeling excitement hum through my body.
"His name is Ian Bianchi. He's known in Trenton for his drug dealings. I mean none of it can be directly associated, but everybody knows…if you know what I mean. Anyways, because of his associations and the crime, the judge set his bond really high. I'd say he's pretty dangerous, and Vinnie is acting cagey since he skipped," Connie says after a cursory glance over the file again. I feel like she's leaving something out.
"What did he do?" I question, knowing he wasn't brought in on drug charges. She looks me in the eyes, and I know whatever it is cannot be good. Jeez, I hope I'm up for this.
"He beat a DEA agent into a coma. He's currently in critical condition at St. Helen's," Connie says, "He's also suspected for the murder of a girl named Sarah Shupp. Apparently, they were an item but something happened, he blew up and went apeshit. The thing is she disappeared and hasn't been found." I gulp. My Spidey-Sense is going crazy hearing all of this information. I get these feelings sometimes, and they usually help me to figure out the mystery and get my guy. I have a penchant for superheroes and I always wanted to be Wonder Woman. Spidey-Sense is just a logical name for my gut feelings and intuitions.
I take the file from her and open it. The picture of an olive-skinned man in his thirties looks up at me. I notice he has warm brown eyes, buzzed hair and square black-rimmed glasses. He's not bad looking, but he's no model. I skim through the file. Someone posted bail for him, but the name sounds phony. Interesting.
"Steph, listen, I've been hearing things. This guy could be the start of a turf war between the Ramos and Bianchi's. While the Ramos' deal with guns, word on the street is they're not happy about the drug business on their turf. It could get ugly. The Bianchi's are old world Sicilians and have a big reach here in Trenton. The Ramos' are also well known, and something is going to go down." I nod, digesting the information. I think being able to use RangeMan programs would definitely help me with this case, but there is no way I'll be approaching Ranger any time soon. What a case to go out on.
"'Bout time you got yo' ass in here white girl," Lula hollers from the suede couch, "We wanna hear all the juicy gossip!"
Lula is the file clerk here at the office. She's a short voluptuous black woman who likes to fit her 3x body into size M spandex in varying colors. I admire her spunk. She also changes the color of her hair almost every week. I met her in my first year of bounty hunting when I was looking for Joe Morelli. She was a ho at the time but helped me out when I asked her questions. A whacko named Benito Ramirez got ahold of her and left her to die on my fire escape. I got her to the hospital, stayed by her side, and when it was all over she stopped working on the street. She's been working at the Bonds Office since then, and she works as my sometimes partner.
She never fails to disappoint with her clothing and today is no different. She's wearing lime green spandex leggings with a white and lime green leopard print V-neck stretchy top which only leaves a little of her cleavage to the imagination. She's wearing at least 3-inch white shiny heels, has huge white hoop earrings in and a most likely counterfeit Louis Vuitton white purse beside her. Her hair is also dyed lime green, but it's not as blinding as her pants. Sometimes I wish I had her confidence.
I never even saw her on the couch when I walked in which is a miracle when she's practically wearing a neon sign. As Ranger would say, I need to be more aware of my surroundings. Gah, everything reminds me of him. Shaking the man in black from my mind, I wonder if Lula heard everything Connie said to me. Judging by her question, I assume not. I try raising an eyebrow, fail and end up raising both.
"What gossip?" I question, truly surprised seeing as how nothing was different with me from last week other than my heart being shattered after stupidly following Ranger to his meeting with Jeanne.
"Word has it Super Cop is still coming around," Lula states in a matter of fact tone. I shrug.
"Yeah, we heard he was just at your apartment this morning," Connie puts in, looking up to study me for the first time since I walked in. A tingle on my neck tells me Ranger is close. My heartbeat picks up speed and suddenly my hands feel sweaty. Oh god, I didn't imagine having to see him so soon after what I witnessed last night.
"What? No..." I reply my brain fogging up at the thought of facing Ranger. I then realize that Joe did stop by this morning. "Oh wait yeah he was there…" None of us hear the tinkle of bells signaling Ranger's arrival.
"So what, he just stopped by for a quickie?" Lula questions as I look behind me. My hand goes to my neck at the tingle, and my eyes are drawn into the dark chocolate brown ones. His eyes are almost black, his mouth in a tight line. Uh-oh, he's not happy.
"Ladies," he says the one word. Lula and Connie start fanning themselves.
"Batman," Lula whispers in awe as though she's never seen him here before. She snaps out of it, suddenly remembering our conversation. Damn, I wish she were less immune to his charm.
"Look, white girl, you gotta spill the beans," Lula says sternly. I snap out of my Ranger induced stare and look back at Lula.
"I told you guys already, Joe and I are uh… finished," I say with the acute feeling that Ranger is staring a hole in my back. My heartbeat picks up again. Connie and Lula don't seem satisfied.
"Then why is the Burg saying you two have made up?" Connie asks, back to painting her nails. I swallow hard. I didn't want to have this conversation in front of Ranger. It only makes me feel even more pathetic. Knowing I broke up with a semi-stable guy for a man I will never have the way I want. Wait a second, why do I keep forgetting Joe had Terri Gilman in his bed? I guess it was true that we had been on a break, but I have a totally good reason to end it with him. I wish I was anywhere but here right now. Why isn't Ranger saying anything to change the subject?
"I don't know! Maybe because he keeps coming by with flowers in hopes of changing my mind," I reply, exasperated. I'm cranky from Joe stopping by. I'm cranky after going on a fucking run. I'm cranky because I'm standing in the room with the man I do love, and I can't even admit it.
"Can I just have my files so I can go?" I ask pinching the bridge of my nose. I have had more than enough for today. Maybe I'll just slink back into bed.
"Here ya go. Call me with any questions," Connie says quickly, placing them in my hand, obviously noting my desire to leave. I nod quickly, before trying to scoot past Ranger. He places a hand on my arm and a zing shoots through my body. I still, willing my body not to betray me. I don't want him to know how easily he affects me and how much he can still hurt me. I struggle to meet his eyes. His are warm again, probing, trying to understand what is going through my head. I channel my inner Ranger to come up with a blank façade.
"Babe," he utters the one word, and it's as though he's said a sentence. My heart clenches. I do a jerky nod. If he wants something, he's going have to say a few more words.
"Wait for me outside." I press my lips together and swallow hard before giving him a single nod. I head outside before Connie and Lula can comment.
I'm waiting outside, close to the wall, trying to figure out what he wants. Of course, this behavior is normal Ranger. How do I tell him that for me everything has changed? That I can hardly continue to be so close to him when this is all I will ever have of him? I sigh back into the wall, closing my eyes behind my sunglasses. How did I get into this mess? A tingle hums through my body, a sure sign that Ranger has emerged. I don't react. Stay calm Stephanie, you can do this. I feel his heat when he nears me. I finally allow my eyes to open. He's so close I can feel his breath. He moves and pushes my sunglasses up. I squint up at him. His eyes seem a little sad, they study me quickly, and I'm close enough to see the golden flecks scattered through the chocolate brown. He reaches his hand up to brush back an unruly curl that broke free from my ponytail. In a flash, he's pushed me into the alley, and his body is pressed firmly against mine. I hear the almost inaudible groan he makes.
"Babe," he says through clenched teeth as though it's taking all of his control not to snap. "Are you wearing your gun?" His hand skims my side and he pulls up my shirt to reveal my .38 tucked into my side holster. His pupils have dilated and his eyes are now a dark brown practically black. My breathing picks up and suddenly there's an ache between my legs. His muscular thigh is nestled in between mine, and I resist the urge to rub myself against him like a cat in heat. His hand skims my rib cage and I make a small noise. He looks down at me and captures my mouth with his. Our tongues duel for dominance as I let myself get lost in his touch. He pulls away slowly, not giving much space and rests his forehead against mine. His eyes close, and I study his face. He seems stressed like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Involuntarily, my hand goes to his face and caresses his jaw. I see it tighten almost imperceptibly. I want to tell him how I feel; I want to tell him everything, but the thought of his rejection keeps me from admitting it. Also, a certain blond keeps popping into my mind. He opens his eyes, and they meet mine with a curious glance before his blank face slides into place.
"Are you free tonight?" I nod mutely, my heart suddenly thundering in my chest.
"I'll pick you up at seven. Dress is professional but alluring," he informs me. Oh, a distraction. A laugh bubbles out before I can stop it. For a moment, I thought he was going to ask me on a date. I don't know why he doesn't ask Jeanne for help with these. He quirks an eyebrow at me. I really am going loony. I need time with my shower massager when I get home.
"Why doesn't Jeanne help you?" I reply, feeling used, slightly jealous and mostly hurt. I hated these feelings. I had never been good at expressing them. Hell, Joe and I were in an unhealthy relationship pattern for almost two years, and I could never even say I love you. His finger plays with my loose curl.
"She's not good at them," he replies intently, studying my face, "Besides, I try to avoid her." I scoff in my head. Avoid her? Hell, then I wonder what he was doing with her last night. He seems oblivious about me trailing him last night which is good. He changes the subject abruptly.
"Careful Babe," he says his eyes looking into mine. "I won't be able to stay away if Morelli's gone too long." I feel a stab in my chest at his words. I keep a blank face before curving my lips into a smirk. I don't want him to know how much it bothers me that he only wants me to fill his needs especially when he has Jeanne Ellen on the side.
"Careful Ranger," I reply, finding a boost of confidence out of nowhere, "If Joe's gone long enough, I might find someone who does mind poaching." His eyes widen perceptibly, and I know he is shocked by my words.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do," I say, creating some distance between us. If only I could make my heart realize that Ranger will never be more than a friend.
"Do you need a ride? I noticed your car wasn't in the lot," he asks, his tone unreadable. I shake my head with all of these emotions, maybe the run back will numb me. I slide my sunglasses down as we step into the alley. I want to wait for Ranger to leave first, but it's obvious he's waiting for me. I sigh. Now he'll know I went jogging. I don't know why the thought of him knowing bothers me so much. He always wanted me to train more in the past. With my swirling emotions, I take off at a faster pace than I had coming here. I can tell I won't be able to keep it long, but the feel of Ranger's eyes on me keeps me going. By the time I make it to the park, out of his view, I'm sweating more than I did the entire run to the office. The files in my hand are crumpled and slightly damp. I bend over at the waist and place a hand on the tree. Jesus. My heart is thundering and the sweat is rolling off me in streams. I can feel the heat coming off of my overly flushed cheeks. I felt like I was running from someone… I guess I was.
After calming down, I decide to jog the rest of the way back. I actually feel pretty good now, but I'm sure tomorrow I'll be dying. As soon as I get inside my apartment, I strip off my tank top and head straight to the A/C. I stand there for a few moments, cooling down. Then I decide to stretch. I undo my holster and stick my gun back in the cookie jar. I wobble to the bathroom where I finish stripping down. I turn the water on and wait for it to warm up. I look at myself in the mirror. My face is red, not just flushed but my eyes are sparkling. For the first time today, I feel like everything will work out. I step into the water and the warm water helps relax my muscles. I moan into the spray. I think back to Ranger's glittering eyes and my nipples harden instantly. My fingers slip down between my legs and my other hand grabs the shower head.
After my shower, I set an alarm and flop down into my thinking position. I really don't know how I will continue working with Ranger. I can't seem to stamp down these feelings, not after watching him come so close to death right in front of my eyes. I drift to sleep with him weighing heavily on my mind.
I jolt awake, my heart pounding and I feel the sweat soaking through the back of my shirt. Tears fall from my eyes. My chest is aching. The dream, I should say nightmare, was so real. Scrog got lucky and Ranger didn't make it. I roll into a ball, grasping my knees to my chest. I take some shaky breaths and try to remind myself that Ranger is alive and well. Thinking of Ranger, I check my phone. It's almost 4:30. I turn off my alarm, lay back for a second to calm myself even more. It's been difficult the past eight months. Ever since the incident, I've been having nightmares on and off. It's been difficult especially knowing that I can't show Ranger how I feel. I sigh before getting out of bed. I decide to take a lukewarm shower to rinse off after waking up sweaty.