Starless night
Two years later
The bartender slides her a drink.
The surface of the bar is sticky with spilled alcohol and remnants of sauce from the
previous dweller that had occupied her seat, so the ale Rey has ordered doesn't quite reach her spot. She stretches her arm over the Kabe next to her to grab it, completely avoiding the bat-like creature's struggle to get on the barstool.
A cantina in the 1325th level of Coruscant is not a place to show compassion, and a good deed would bring about more attention than a human being stabbed in the middle of the crowded space. Or so she's noticed in the few visits she's made in the last couple of years in the new capital of the Republic.
Although, she has to admit, entering the Lower Levels on her own without a fellow Jedi for company never seemed plausible a couple of years back. It used to be impossible to cross a street without an annoying attempt from some street rat to mug her, or snatch her for body trafficking. But now, thanks to the security patrols, things seem quieter.
Rey brings the glass to her lips to take a sip, grimacing at the stale taste. Getting a drink that's worth its credits is impossible these days.
Ben must be really trying to clean up the Lower Levels.
"All cities need a crime infested area," his voice echoes painfully clear, despite their years apart. His sharp profile looking broodily out the window of their shuttle still makes her chest cave in on itself. Rey will never forget the sun's last rays falling on his features, deepening his frown and darkening his already melancholy mood. "It's an outlet for personalities that cannot abide by rules. There's no point in trying to change them," he had sighed. "But there's a point in helping those who want better for themselves to escape the Lower Levels if they try."
Rey had not agreed at the time. But the more she has lurked in places like this since then, and interacted with its patrons, the more she's come to realize that no one can be saved unless they want to be saved.
She sets her drink down, a little louder than intended, staring at the fizz coating the glass with a bitter taste in her mouth. She wonders briefly if Ben ever wanted to be saved. Rey tries not to dwell on ghosts of the past, but they still creep up on her when she least expects them too. No one notices the sound, of course, despite the fact that the usual rowdy voices have suddenly died down.
She peeks over her glass curiously.
Most of the attention is directed at the holonet feed. There's a live report from Coruscant's Senate, from what she can tell through the fog of smoke hovering in the air. A Gamorrean growls for someone to raise the volume.
Rey takes another sip from her drink, wondering when the Mandalorian will appear with the rare kyber crystal he claims to have acquired for the Jedi. He is late, and it's not like him. Her ears are still trained on the holonet feed, half-listening to the reporter saying that there will be an announcement of great significance coming from the High Chancellor of the Republic. One that will set the galaxy, they say, on edge.
Rey considers ditching her rendezvous with the Mandalorian, paying for her drink and getting the hell out of there before Ben appears on screen. It gets harder and harder to watch him continue on with his life while she's stuck in the past.
When she hears his familiar clearing of throat and deep rumble of his voice fill the crowded room, she gets off her seat. His voice is steady, coated with his stern politician timbre that she used to swoon over by the time she pays for her drink.
She pushes her way through the crowd, the stench and smell of sweat almost making her gag as she nearly trips over a Hutt's tail. But it's not until her hand punches the rusted doorpanel and the doors woosh open, that she halts with the last words of the feed drifting through the suffocating air.
"...therefore I am resigning from my position as High Chancellor of the New Republic and calling on elections to…"
Rey turns around slowly, head over her shoulder, to stare at the face she's longed to see in a little over two standard years - but who's counting? A bone-chilling breeze drifts through the open doors.
"...and Minister of Foreign Affairs Amilyn Holdo will be temporarily taking over my position as…"
Rey blinks at the staticky feed. At the lines that run across his solemn face, disrupting his features and cracking his voice. She tries very hard to make sense of what is happening.
"...since I will not be participating in the upcoming elections or any other political campaign, henceforth."
He snaps his head in conclusion, saying that no questions will be allowed, and turns to leave. But he is swarmed by reporters and cameras, yelling questions at his back as they follow his swift exit from the Senate. His black cape is the last thing she sees as Ben's security detail cuts off the feed.
The reporter comes back on, and the rowdy voices return a little louder.
Rey stands frozen in her spot, trying to wrap her mind around Ben's statement and what it could possibly mean. But she barely has any time to contemplate on it.
A Mandalorian pushes by her, his armor digging into her shoulder as he steps inside the cantina.
It isn't until way later, when Rey is curled in her bed in the dingy hostel room she has rented for the night, that she allows her thoughts to drift back to the holonet feed. She twists and turns on the worn out sheets endlessly, listening to the low hum of the venting system and the occasional brawl breaking out on the street below. She ponders, thinks and dreams until her mind is squeezed dry and the daycycle's harsh electric lights eventually switch on outside her window.
Rey gets out of bed with a wild beat in her heart and a flushed face.
Ben is walking away from politics, and she doesn't want to dare imagine the reasons behind it.
It was supposed to be like any other day. Like any other mission. Only a lot more boring.
Overseeing the discussions between the Gungans and the citizens of Moenia in Naboo about the trespassing of borders in the Lianorm swamps is not considered a particularly enthralling mission for Rey's standards - or any standards for any Jedi for that matter - if she was being completely honest with herself.
Yet here she is, in the entrance hall of the Royal Palace of Theed, trying to stifle a yawn as she counts the tiny pebbles of the mosaic on the wall across from her. The two delegations have literally turned their backs to each other, saving her the effort of keeping her guard up for any signs of aggression between them, while they all wait patiently for the Queen of Naboo to arrive to the Throne room to overhear the negotiations.
From her limited experience, Rey knows it will be a long day. Despite the fact that the discussion will be over swamps.
But it's a beautiful day outside. The sun is shining, and the birds are chirping - and all sorts of flowery aromas drift through the open windows of the palace. Rey itches to walk through the city's picturesque streets and bask in the lazy sunlight when the talks are over.
She believes she's earned it.
But serene moments in one's life only last for a heartbeat, and then they are gone. Rey senses a storm approach the palace, although the sun still shines brilliantly in the sky above.
She feels him way before she can actually see him, and she scrambles hastily to cloak her Force signature, mortified to find out what could have ever brought him here. Naboo is too peaceful for its own good, and the very last place in the galaxy Rey had ever imagined she would come across him. She hides behind one of the main columns of the hall, digging her nails into the cold marble and trying to make herself as inconspicuous in the Force as the stone in front of her.
A man stalks inside the palace in a whirlwind of blacks.
She watches him cross the hall, with his cloak rippling in accordance to his heavy gait, his usual entourage hurrying to remain at his side. One of Kaydel's buns is starting to fall from its position, and Mike wipes the sweat from his bald head in a quick, discrete swipe. The scene is so homey and familiar it nearly makes her smile.
And then the alarming changes in him begin to stand out. Changes that she had never noticed before on the holonet feeds.
He's lost weight.
It's the first thought she has when she sets eyes on his slim frame, dressed in one of his usual immaculate black suits. His hair is shorter, his eyes look almost hollowed in, and there is a certain dejection in his movements, as if life has become too cumbersome to bear.
Her concern for him hits her like a punch in the gut.
Dark eyes snap in her direction.
Rey barely has time to hide behind the column. She can almost feel his stare, trying to burn a hole through the marble, and Rey sets her forehead on the cold surface, hoping - no - praying that he doesn't sense her behind it.
She knows the progression has halted in the middle of the hall, and that she is holding her breath, counting the accelerated beats of her heart tick by, waiting for him to pass her by. Rey feels her lungs might burst by the time he resumes his pace, and he and his team disappear behind the ornate doors of the Throne room.
Rey lets out the longest exhale of her life.
After a very short dilemma, she decides to ditch the negotiations and head out to the city. It's not as if the galaxy's fate depends on the talks.
They're just about swamps. It's not her concern.
But when Rey enters the palace banquet hall later in the evening, dressed in the only formal dress she owns, her eyes fall anxiously on every black clad figure that moves or breathes in the large room. They dart from black lace gowns to shimmering tuxedos, to black feathered hats, searching and yearning to find that one single magnetic presence that she has gone through such great lengths to impress - despite her better judgement.
Rey touches nervously the carefully set waves of her hair, and wipes sweaty palms on the red silk fabric of her gown, hoping no one notices the mended rip on the side of her waist. There is an electrifying anticipation coursing through her body that just won't let her sit still for a single moment.
It is the most torturous sensation she has ever felt.
She weaves through the elegant crowd, grabbing a flute of champagne along the way to help her ease the pounding of her heart. Her social skills are not all that great, and truth is she barely knows anybody else besides the delegations she is tasked to keep an eye on. But she nods her acknowledgment to the Gungans - knowing how easily they can be offended if she doesn't - and makes her way to the throne to greet the Queen.
The evening drags on, and Ben is nowhere to be seen.
Rey feels her stomach is twisted into a million knots. She pretends not to be bothered by it, as she swipes her third glass of champagne from the tray of a passing droid. Her head is starting to swim, her skin feels on fire - and she has devoured the matching red gloss she had put on her lips. She knew that attending this silly banquet would be the most uncomfortable experience of her life.
The Mayor of Theed invites her to his company with a polished smile plastered on his handsome face. He seems to be very interested in her. Or, rather, the type of interested someone pretends to be when they have an ulterior motive. She has felt his sleazy thoughts brush against her all night.
She smiles politely at him as he animatedly describes his unfortunate encounter with a Crolute a few years back, and the obscene amount of credits he was forced to pay in order to repair his ship. The small circle of participants chuckle along.
Rey snorts, taking another sip of champagne.
She has wasted her time. She has gotten all dressed up to go to an event she never wanted to go to to begin with. Hoping that she would come across a man whom she has no right to think about. And all this for what? So that she would stand like a silly girl in the middle of this room, half drunk out of her mind and barely able to hold herself on the heels of her swaying feet, listening to the most tedious and meaningless conversations that have ever existed in this galaxy.
She's so pathetic.
"And what would you say, my lady?"
Rey suddenly feels all eyes trained on her in expectation.
"Hmmm?" Rey hurries to gather her scattered mind. The Mayor must have asked her a question while she was lost in her thoughts, and she has no idea what it is. Shit. She feels her already heated face burn like the sun. "Well...um...I would have to say that…"
"The Jedi don't do business transactions," a deep voice cuts her off.
Rey's heart stops. She turns her head slowly to look at the man standing behind her.
"They barely carry any more credits than needed. Not to mention that it's impossible to deceive them," the man says, while Rey stares at him stupefied.
His glossy hair looks slightly disheveled, and there is a small cut on his chin on an otherwise freshly shaved face. They are just minor distortions in an otherwise impeccable image. Insignificant really. There is no reason for this pang of nostalgia to hurt so much.
The familiar musk of his aftershave drifts to her nose.
Rey wants to close her eyes.
He licks his lips before he continues, and her fingers tighten around the stem of her glass. Her heart begins to pound. There's a piece of lint on the right lapel of his perfectly tailored suit - her favorite shade of deep blue - that thankfully grabs her attention, and Rey stares at it as if it's the center of the universe.
"The Jedi use the Force to read thoughts and intentions, so it would be wise not to make them think they are being fooled. Chances are you'll end up stripping naked in the middle of a busy street because they have compelled you to do so. Just to prove a point."
His dark gaze finally falls on her.
"Isn't that right, Miss Jakku?"
Rey blinks at him.
"Sort of..." she stutters. The small company eyes them curiously, while the mayor of Theed turns a bright red. "That's not exactly how it..."
"But then on the other hand, they can be the fiercest protectors if you call on them for help."
His eyes remain trained on her, and Rey is unable to look away.
"I…" Gods, this is not how she had envisioned a reunion with him. She was supposed to be cool headed and collected. A seasoned Jedi. Not this befuddled version of herself. "We...provide our services where we are needed, but…"
"...you don't stay any longer than you deem necessary," he concludes for her, with a curl of his lips. "Yes... I'm aware."
Sadness seeps between them for a moment, making her heart flutter to life, but it dissipates as quickly as it appeared. No further thoughts or emotions come from him. He has his mind under lock and key.
There is a clearing of a throat. "You seem well acquainted with our guest, Mr. Solo."
Ηis attention returns to the Mayor. "Indeed. Enough to know that she is not interested in providing her services to you," he points out.
Frustration suddenly bubbles up inside her. He has no right to speak on her behalf, and he most certainly has no right to assume anything about her interests. He is not part of her life anymore.
"Really? And how would you know I'm not interested?" She asks.
"I know about your code's ridiculously strict ethics," he concedes.
"It's been a long time, my ethics might have changed."
"Have they?" He asks tersely, dark eyes roaming over her face. "Changed?"
His gaze is loaded with words left unspoken that Rey simply cannot ignore. She feels her face burn a crimson red that probably already matches her dress, and her glass trembles slightly between her fingers.
She has completely forgotten what it feels like to be in his presence.
Alarms go off in her head.
There's really only one choice she is left with at the moment, and it's not one she's particularly proud of making. Especially since it has never worked well for her in the past. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
She picks up the hem of her dress. "If you'll excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I prefer to leave debates in the hands of politicians. My ethics dictate for me to remain indifferent."
She spins around on her heels, swatting away the surprise and rejection that spike from his side of their connection, and squeezes between two delegates from Geonosis to get away. She thinks she hears him call out her name, but Rey doesn't look back. She has fought so damn hard not to look back. She slips effortlessly through the thick crowd with her heart pounding in her throat.
When she stumbles out on the wide terrace overlooking the city's waterfalls, she pauses for a quick gulp of air.
Her decision to come was a colossal mistake. She thought she was ready to face him. That she would even be ready to exorcise his ghost by simply seeing him as a simple man - like any other man that has entered her life in the past couple of years. How gloriously mistaken she has been.
"Rey!"
His voice reaches her over the rushing sounds of water. But Rey doesn't stop. She hears his pace quicken, his shoes clicking hurriedly against the stone as he chases after her. Rey wishes she could run in her stupid gown, or just sprout wings on her back and fly away into the night, because he is most certainly catching up to her and she doesn't know what she will do.
"Rey, wait!"
She feels him right behind her, and then he's reaching out and grasping her arm.
"Please…"
She swirls to glare at him.
"What!?"
He freezes for a split moment, probably feeling the intensity of her fury burn through their bond. Which is good. Serves him right.
"I apologize about what I said to you in there. I was being as much of an ass as the Mayor."
"You underestimate yourself. You were much worse."
"Oh come on! We both know what kind of thoughts he's been having about you all evening, you didn't seriously expect me to just…" he halts under the intensity of her gaze, and runs his hand through his hair in frustration.
Rey narrows her eyes at the guilty expression on his face.
"Have you been watching me? Spying on me? How long have you been here?" She can't believe he's been able to cloak his presence from her so well. That damn champagne was absolutely lethal.
"A while. But that's not the point..."
"It is when you appear out of nowhere and start voicing unvalidated opinions about what I want in front of people I happen to be interacting with because of a mission!"
Her rant manages to make him clamp his mouth shut with a sharp clack of teeth. He tears his gaze away to look at the waterfalls.
"I simply stepped in in your defense. It didn't cross my mind that you would be offended," he mumbles, setting his hand on the stone ledge of the terrace and picking on a crack with his thumbnail. His nervousness is so palpable it chips at her frustration, and Rey can't fathom what will happen if her walls crumple to the ground. If the door that is shut between them opens wide.
"Ben, why are you here?"
The question that has been looping in her mind all day - burning in circles - tumbles out before she can stop it.
His eyes snap to hers. "What do you mean? I followed you out because you were upset. I simply…"
"No, that's not what I mean." Of course, he's good at evading. It comes as easily as breathing to him. She fixes a solid stare at him. "Why are you on Naboo?"
"Ah. That," he answers flatly, but there's a shade of amusement in his deep voice that reminds her nothing ever happens by coincidence when it comes to him. This has been deliberately planned.
"I am here on a lifelong investment that has been on my mind for some time now," he states vaguely, running his long fingers along the corner of the stone ledge. His eyes follow their movement.
She scrunches her brow at him. "You don't seriously expect me to believe that!" She knows he's lying. "Naboo has no banks."
He laughs at that, a short rumbled sound that leaves him smiling impishly at her with dimpled cheeks and crinkled eyes.
"What must I say to convince you?"
"I don't want you to convince me. I want you to be honest with me."
"I've always been honest with you."
He regards her strangely from the shadows. Soft light falls from the tall palace windows and stretches on the stone pavement, but the night is so dark and thick that he almost becomes one with its black expense. Only the cascading waters sparkle below the terrace, and the light reflecting in his black eyes.
The image is otherworldly. Taken from a fairytale.
Mist rises in the air, mixing with the sweet and heavy scent of flowers drifting from the palace's gardens. It settles on her bare skin.
She wraps her arms around herself, trying to withhold a shiver. The urge to reach for him is overwhelming, but she knows it will not end well. His presence is temporary. A small respite in a life they are meant to spend apart. She mustn't allow this night to work its magic on her. She mustn't allow the fantasy to play out. Rey is so very tired of dreaming about him.
Her nails dig into the silk of her dress.
"How's Hannah?"
She senses his light mood dissipate.
"Why are you asking?"
"Why not? She's your wife. Isn't she accompanying you on your business travels?"
"She's not with me, if that's what you want to know."
"Apparently not, since you're chasing after me. So stupid of me to ask."
Ben shakes his head lightly to himself. A pained, cryptic smile graces his features before he turns to stare at the cascading waters.
"You have every right to feel bitter," he says softly. "And I don't mean to impose. But it feels good to see you again after all this time. Even under circumstances such as these."
He watches the waterfalls for a long moment, seemingly lost in his thoughts. All fight slowly drains from her and gets washed away by the rushing waters.
"You've lost weight. Haven't you been eating? Taking care of yourself?" Rey doesn't want to ask about the woman who is supposed to be looking out for him. "The galaxy is mostly at peace. I don't see why you would be so stressed that…"
"Rey."
"...that you wouldn't be able to eat. You should at least try to…"
"Rey."
She pauses. Feeling, rather than seeing, that dark, heavy gaze boring down on her.
"Please don't... You know why."
She swallows thickly and watches him shift his gaze back to the falls. Rey blinks away the unbidden tears of her eyes. A few heartbeats pass before he speaks again.
"I always found the waterfalls of Canto Bight impressive due to their exceptional size and beauty of the planet's terrain. I regretted not taking you to see them when we had the chance," he says softly. "But somehow, I don't mind now. It turns out that Naboo's are just as breathtaking. Maybe even more."
Rey stares at his sharp profile. There's an unease emanating from him, a hesitation. As if he's testing waters, trying to figure out their depth.
"Ben, there's no point in digging out the past now…" she sighs.
"I'm not interested in the past," he states firmly, returning those sparkling, black eyes to her. He pushes himself away from the ledge and begins to step closer. "I'm only interested in the present. In this moment now. Here. With you standing across from me in that lovely red dress. I'm interested in the future and the possibilities it holds for a dreamer like me."
"You're not making any sense…"
"I am making perfect sense," he objects with a passion that startles her. It's been so long since she last felt the gravity of his power, and she is caught in it so easily it's embarrassing. "You of all people should know that we have the right to ask for more than what life hands us. That we must never give up fighting against all odds to save our dreams and..."
"You sound like your father."
He pauses at that, seemingly caught off guard. "Perhaps I am more like him than I thought."
A couple bursts into the terrace, startling them both and causing them to step back and avert their eyes. But the couple is laughing to their heart's content and stumbling over drunken feet, blissfully oblivious to their presence. The man wraps his arm around the woman's shoulders, pulling her into his warm embrace and setting a kiss on her temple. Rey tries to drown the envy that suddenly flickers inside her.
The couple looks so happy.
She watches them walk away, heels clicking in a matching stride down the winding steps of the terrace.
When Ben's eyes return to hers, there's a renewed fire alight inside them. He approaches her, coming to stand a hair's breadth away from crowding her in, as if he knows what her boundaries are and choses to respect them. A yearning seeps into the Force between them. A bone deep adoration that makes her heart throb in response.
"You've watched the holonet feeds. Perhaps heard the rumors. Surely, you must know why I'm here..."
Her insides break into a flutter at the shade of his deep voice. At the plea hidden behind it. Yes, her heart whispers like the traitor that it is, she knows exactly why he's here.
Ben takes that one crucial last step, the one that brings him a breath away from her, and her heart begins to hammer. She is already captivated. Enslaved. And he's not even touching her. Rey tilts her head back to look at him while her whole body thrums in expectation. She can sense him leaning in. Craving. Aching to have a taste of her. His want is so tangent, so intense that Rey knows, in this very instance, he would give his very life to own something so simple as a kiss. To pretend for a fraction of a second that she belongs to him.
"You're shivering," he mutters inches from her lips. "Are you cold?"
"No," Her lip quivers and her body trembles, but she has never felt so warm before in her life. It's as if she has been lost in a blizzard, and he is the hearth she has been waiting to find.
She wants him to kiss her.
She is dying for him to kiss her.
But Ben is taking off his suit jacket and placing it over her bare shoulders in one fluid motion, before she can object
His scent envelopes her.
"I don't want you catching a cold," he declares valiantly. "I wouldn't dare take you to see a waterfall again."
He tugs her closer by the lapels of his jacket, pretending to be absorbed in placing it just right over her shoulders and wiping the creases away. Rey watches his eyes shy away from hers. She watches the light flare of his nostrils and the quickening of his breath.
"Is it true?" she whispers, searching desperately for his eyes.
"Is what true, baby girl?"
"That you're breaking away," her voice cracks. "That you're…"
His large hands slide gently down her arms, finding her hands and threading his fingers carefully with hers. He lifts his eyes.
And looks at her.
Oh, when he looks at her…
He gives her all the answers she needs to know without saying a single word.
His eyes melt in the night, and Rey breaks into a smile, this wide, silly, cheeky grin that she hasn't given him since they were children, and she brings fingertips up hesitantly to touch his cheek. They tremble but he doesn't notice. All he sees is her.
And Rey can no longer hold back. She pulls him in for a kiss.
His lips were always soft, but they had never been gentle. A despair always clung to them when he molded them to hers, an eagerness and a hunger for things he could not have. But not tonight.
Tonight they give out his heart.
It lasts a moment, but it is enough to last them a lifetime. And when it ends, he shuts his eyes and he smiles.
"I want you to wait for me," he whispers in the small space between them. "I'll come back for you, I want you to wait for me…"
Rey knows that they were never good with their promises. That somehow it always hurt too much to see them through. But there's always a hope that comes along with a promise, and she had never been wise enough to turn it down.
"Spend the night with me," she says, caressing the dimples on his cheek. His smile widens at the softness of her touch. "Be mine, just for tonight..."
Rey fears that the magic of this night will disappear with the first light of day. And when she wakes in the morning alone in her bed, with his scent and sweat lingering on her skin and his spend sticky between her legs, she will have one more stinging, cherished memory to add to the ones she has kept.
"It won't be just for tonight..." he says, with those eyes that sparkle so strangely this night.
And right then, in that tiny little instance, is when Rey finally realizes why the stars have gone missing from the sky.
Who has stolen them. And who is the one that wields them.
"...You'll see."
Author's note: My small tribute to our Dark Prince whose smile now lives amongst the stars.
I wish I could fix for you, my friends, what has been broken. Music selection for this chapter "Kingdom Fall" by Claire Wyndham