Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Spencer turned over in the mirror, looking over her outfit and adjusting the belt on her waist before turning back. She sighed softly, removing the belt and setting her hand on her stomach. She could almost feel a bump, or could imagine one. Her fingers twitched, and she removed her hand before collecting her purse and moving to head out the door.
"Hey."
Spencer stopped cold at the sound of her sister's voice from behind her, raising her hand and swiping hair behind her ear before she straightened up and faced her. "Hey."
"Don't "hey" me, preggo." Melissa smirked at her.
Spencer groaned. "Who blabbed?"
"Who do you think?" She entered the room with her hands on her hips. "Dad."
"Great." She tossed her purse down into the chair beside her and plopped down after it. "Well?"
"Hey, you'll get no slack from me. I've been there, done that, don't want it." She looked her over. "But seriously, how are you holding up? I mean, pregnant by your best friend's fiancé? That's gotta be rough…but true to Spencer form."
"Right, right. That's all there is to say about this whole situation." She folded her arms across her chest. "Spencer the whore finally got hers."
"Hey, Spence, nobody says that."
"You probably have thought it."
"Once or twice." She laughed lightly. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding! Lighten up. Jesus, this kid'll have a rough time if you don't."
"I don't know if I'll be a parent or not. I'm only twenty-five. I am not ready for this type of commitment. I couldn't even commit to Toby back in college when…." She cut off and shook her head. "Never mind."
"Oh, right, you had dinner with Toby last week, right? How is he gonna handle this news? Are you two back together or just friends?"
"Just…" she paused, "I don't know. Stop with the questioning. I can't take it right now. I have an appointment in thirty minutes about my…pregnancy, and I can't do this right now."
"All right." At the sight of her sister crumbling, Melissa closed the space between them and picked up her hand. "I'm here for you, all right? Whatever you need."
"Thank you." She stood up with her aid and embraced her. "Especially for coming all this way. It means a lot."
"Anything for my favorite sister."
"I'm your only sister."
"So, my options are limited." She rubbed her back and released. "Come on. Let's go see this baby."
"You're coming with us?"
"Of course. I wouldn't miss this for the world." She looped her arm through her little sister's and grabbed her purse, leading her out of her bedroom and into the new reality Spencer was adjusting to.
Spencer hated hospitals. She had been in so many so often in her young life it wasn't even funny. So, to be here now under these circumstances seemed like a punchline-less joke. Of course, where else would she find herself?
"All right, Ms. Hastings," Dr. Pen looked over the chart before looking over the patient, "how are we feeling today?"
"Honestly?" She nodded. "I've feel kinda bloated."
She laughed. "That doesn't go away, I'm afraid."
"I figured."
"Well, let's just have you sit back and relax."
She adjusted her feet in the stirrups and looked up at the ceiling, following through with the appointment and bracing herself when instructed, grabbing her mother's hand and trying not to shift uneasily. Veronica soothed her daughter, and Melissa's eyes were glued to the screen. There was a moment of silence before Dr. Pen began pointed a long, tanned finger to the screen and pointed out the baby on the screen. There was a little swirl on the screen, all white and black and blurry, and it was so, so tiny.
"That's your baby." She told the young mother, "These are its arms…legs. You can imagine those tiny toes, right?"
"Right." Her voice was whisper-thin, and she wasn't sure she felt anything at the sight of her baby on the screen.
"Yeah, it's amazing." Melissa rubbed her little sister's knee and smiled at her. "How does it feel?"
"Spence…." Veronica squeezed her hand. "It's okay."
"Huh?" Spencer didn't know what she meant until the tingle of wetness landed on her collarbone. She was crying, and she hadn't even realized. She was overcome with emotion, and she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She didn't expect it to become some real after this ultrasound. She thought it would remain the same. You know? The lack of attachment, the lack of affirmation, the lack of anything really, but it was the opposite. Quite the opposite. She was positively, downright happy, and she felt a twinge at her heartstrings. It was real, and it was beautiful and right in front of her. "Oh, my God."
"You're about ten weeks along," Dr. Pen informed her. "I'd day ten weeks and three days. The baby is a good size, healthy, likely strong as its mother."
"Yeah, we Hastings women are strong," Melissa whispered in Spencer's direction.
"Like Amazons." Veronica tucked hair behind Spencer's ear and smiled at her.
They finished up the appointment, Dr. Pen wrote out a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and they strolled out of the building. Spencer's eyes were glued to the sonogram she held in her hand, and she had managed to stop crying at the sight of it. Her mom rubbed her shoulder and encouraged her along, and Melissa teased her lightly about it.
"Hey, Spencer!"
Spencer froze at the mention of her name in the tone of one of her best friend's voices, and she instantly hide the sonogram behind her back, waving it slightly so Melissa would know to take it. She felt the picture leave her hands and being tucked into her back pocket; Melissa smacked her ass lightly to let her know it was safely hidden away.
"Emily, Aria, hey." She approached them with a huge smile. "How are you guys?"
"You're not seriously opening up the conversation with that after not speaking to us for almost two months, right?" Aria crossed her arms. "It's good to know you're alive, Spence."
"R—right. I'm sorry. I've been busy with work, and I… I haven't had time to socialize." She hated to lie to them, but she'd gotten so good at it over the years. "And you guys have probably been so busy with Hanna's wedding. I—I can't really be around all that just yet."
"That's understandable." Emily nudged Aria's ribs. "Right, Aria?"
"Right." She looked her over. "You look good. I'm glad. I was worried. We all were."
"I know."
"Why don't we go get some coffee?" Emily suggested. "Hmm? We can catch up. We have some time before we meet Hanna at the bridal shop."
"Coffee would be great."
"Tea," Melissa piped in. "She'll have tea."
Spencer had forgotten for a moment about the long list of foods and drinks she couldn't consume for the next thirty plus weeks. She smiled weakly and nodded. "Tea's good, too. Why don't we head there now?"
"I'll drive." Aria gestured to her car, and they headed over. Melissa reminded Spencer softly to not order caffeinated tea, and Aria eyed them as they had a hushed conversation. She didn't know what was up with Spencer, but she would get to the bottom of it. She had to, because she was her best friend, and if anything to do with A was happening, Aria wanted to know. She had a right to know. With Charlotte still with prison, it wasn't be totally surprising if another A popped up in her place and started harassing Spence. It didn't take much to weaken Spencer when she was already down.
At the coffee shop they placed their orders and found a table in their usual spot, Emily bought some cookies for them and smiled warmly at Spencer, asking her how she'd been while Aria lingered in line for their drinks. Spencer ensured the picture was tucked before she sat down, fingers loosely brushing over the surface, and she assured Emily she was all right, just overworked. It wasn't a total lie. She was overworked with the pregnancy and learning how to take care of herself in this new way. Herself and the life inside of her.
"Here." Aria handed over Spencer's drink and then Emily's before taking a seat with her own. "So, want to tell us why you've been avoiding us?"
"Aria," Emily softly chastised.
"What? I have a right to know what I did or didn't do to deserve this treatment from my best friend."
"It's not on you." Spencer spread her thumbs over the mouth of the coffee mug and blew gently on the green tea's surface. "It's me. I've been dealing with a lot since…Caleb and I broke up. You know me. I threw myself headfirst into work, and I haven't found my way out of the rabbit hole since."
"You could have talked to us," Emily reminded her. "You're our best friend. We're always here for you."
"Especially when it's complicated," Aria chimed in, leaning over and grasping her hand. "We are family, after everything we've gone through, you should know that. There's nothing you should have to hide from us."
"I know. It's just been…challenging lately." Tears prickled up in her eyes, and she pressed her lips together. "You can't imagine." She leaned over to set the coffee mug down on the table by the untouched cookies and helped herself to one, picking off a bite and munching on it.
"Talk to us. We have time."
"I don't know that I want to talk around Hanna's wedding schedule," Spencer admitted. "My mom and sister are here for me, and I need to lean on them more right now."
"What's going on?" Emily shifted to be closer to Spencer on the chaise.
"I need to talk to Hanna before I disclose anything to anybody else." She bit into the cookie and exhaled through her nose. "I trust you guys. I really do, but it's important that I tell Hanna first."
"All right." Emily nodded. "How's work going? You're at Hastings and Hastings?"
"Yeah." She nodded around her next bit of cookie, finishing it off. "It's been interesting. A lot of cases have passed my desk that spark memories I thought I'd forgotten about."
"Good ones?" Emily hoped, but she knew better. "Or at least not, you know, ones."
"Sadly, it's the latter." She laughed, though. "But it's good. I remember how we became so close, and I miss it. I miss you guys."
"We miss you, too, Spence." Aria rested her knuckles under her chin, using them as a prop. "Hanna misses you, too."
She won't after we talk, Spencer thought to herself. "She does?"
"Of course she does."
"Why don't you come with us to the bridal store?" Emily offered. "We can watch Han try on dresses and drink champagne. It'll be so much fun. We can even get you to try on the bride's maid dress Han picked out for you."
"She wants me as one of her bride's maids?" She couldn't help but smile. "After everything, I thought Hanna wouldn't want me anywhere near their wedding."
"She's moved on. She's had time to, and she considers you still one of her best friends."
"I'd love to go with you and see Hanna, but I don't think today is a good day. Especially with what I need to talk to her about." She scratched her nose and picked up her mug of tea, sipping on it.
"Can it wait? Can't we all just hang out and get buzz at two o' clock in the afternoon?" Aria mused, looking at Emily.
"Like best times," Emily added.
"I can't…." She paused and corrected herself. "I don't feel like drinking for starters, and I have business to tend to with Melissa."
"Since when are you and Melissa in business together?" Aria studied her then apologized. "It's none of my business."
"No, it's fine." Spencer smiled and made a decision that would offer her either total support or utter abandonment. "What I need to tell Hanna, why I've been avoiding you all…is because I'm ten weeks pregnant." She dug the sonogram out of her back pocket and showed it to Emily who sat beside her.
"Oh, my God, Spence." Emily accepted the sonogram and started to widely grin at the sight of the newest member of their group. "That is amazing."
"Yeah, amazing." Aria tried to smile but had done the math. "It's Caleb's, isn't it?"
She nodded silently.
Emily handed the sonogram over to Aria, who attempted a smile once more and managed, and Emily tried to be supportive, but this was a tricky situation. "How are you going to tell Hanna?"
"I have no clue where to even begin with telling Hanna." Spencer admitted, "Mom wants me to tell her soon. She's been pressuring me to tell her and Caleb both, because they both have a right to know. I just…pale at the thought of telling Hanna I'm carrying her soon-to-be husband's child."
"Yeah, that's a hard slice to swallow." Aria moistened her lips. "You're keeping the baby?"
"I don't know yet," she confessed. "Mom believes I will. Melissa and I haven't discussed it. And Dad refuses to acknowledge the pregnancy until I make a decision. He's trying to protect his heart or some shit."
Aria laughed. "What the hell does that mean?"
"He's stalling," Emily replied with a laugh.
"He has no clue how to react to his "little girl" getting pregnant," Spencer nodded. "He spoils me at breakfast, helps me with my work, and he's been overly solicitous. There's nothing he won't give me. Except for space."
"That sounds about right." Aria laughed. "When I thought I was pregnant, my parents wouldn't get off my back. I think it's a parent thing."
"Wait, when you thought you were pregnant?" Spencer frowned. "When was this?"
Emily lowered her eyes to the floor and turned her head away as if she could shield herself from the news yet again.
"It was a month ago. I was late, and I thought I was pregnant, but…I um, wasn't." She expelled a breath and made a confession of her own. "I won't ever be pregnant."
"What do you mean, you're barren?" Spencer felt a lump forming in her throat, and Aria nodded. "Why didn't you call me?"
"Because you weren't around, Spence! You were off in your own little world of work, and I couldn't penetrate the barrier! Believe me, I tried. I showed up at your office. I tried to intercept you at lunches, but you were just gone from the world, and I know why now. It's not okay simply because I know, but don't act like I didn't try and reach out. You were just gone." She set her phone vibrating in her pocket and didn't bother to check it. "We should go and meet Hanna. It's about that time."
"Aria, wait." Spencer caught her as she rose. "You can always talk to me. You know that. I'm sorry I was unreachable, but it won't happen again."
"I know it won't, but sometimes being in the moment is just as important as the conversations and events that follow." She offered only a weak smile and collected her to-go cup, heading for the exit before stopping to ask, "Do you need a ride home?"
Spencer shook her head. "I'll walk."
"Is that wise?" Emily swiped her cup and hopped up. "In your condition, I mean."
"I can exercise a bit, and I'll walk slow." She assured them, "I'll be fine. I could use some fresh air to think."
"Call me if you need me," Emily gripped her arm before following after Aria.
Spencer finished her tea and the cookies Emily had left, wandering out of the café and vaguely towards her home. She had ordered a ginger tea to go for her upset stomach and was letting it cool as she was crossed walkways and greeted familiar face, soaking in the sunlight and fresh air. It felt nice to be outside, the spring breeze tugging at her blouse, and she caught herself smiling in light of everything. She was happy. It felt so good to talk to her friends and more conversations would be happening. She would make sure of it.
"Spencer?"
She looked over at the familiar and warm smile, and she felt her stomach stir at the sight of him. A natural smile bloomed across her lips, and she hurried over to greet him with a hug. "Toby, hi."
"Hey, you." He patted her back and released her. "How are you? It's been a while."
"It has. How are you?" She ran her eyes over his handsome face and slipped her free hand into her back pocket.
"I'm well. I'm well." He chuckled lightly. "How about you? I haven't seen you since our dinner."
"I'm…great." She returned his laughter. "I'm going through some changes, but who isn't?"
"Right?" He nodded his head in agreement. "Why don't we have dinner again sometime? I'll even cook."
"Aw, that's so nice, but I can't. I'm busy with work and life. I don't know that I have time."
"For dinner?" He arched a brow at her. "C'mon, Spence, we both know that isn't true. Everyone has time for dinner."
"Don't back me into a corner, Toby. I said no, and I mean it. I'm going through a lot right now, and I need to be with my family. We can have dinner another night, and I'll cook. It just has to be on my terms."
"Always has to be that way, doesn't it?" He scoffed lightly.
"Thought you like that about me," she jested before removing her hand from her pocket and grasped his forearm. "You're an important person to me, Toby. You always will be. Don't forget that."
His smile returned. "So, just call me for dinner then."
"I will."
"Soon."
"No promises."
He chuckled once more. "Just take care of yourself, all right?"
"That I can promise."
"Want a ride home?" He motioned to his truck. "I know it's not far, but I could use some company."
She smiled. "Me, too. Let's go."
They talked the entire ride home, about nothing and everything, and it felt amazing. She laughed deeply from the pits of her stomach, the sound of his laughter calming her to her core, and she felt like a teenager again. Those rare happy moments with him. She loved them and him, but time had changed the circumstances between them. Their love was a first and faded love. It was friendly now and much needed, she supposed. She couldn't ask for a better relationship with him.
"Thanks for the ride, Toby." She hopped out of the truck and turned back to face him.
"Anytime."
Spencer braided her long, chestnut hair and let it rest over her shoulder, looking at her reflection in the mirror. At one time she would have painted her thin lips with lipstick, swept eyeshadow across the lids of her almond-shaped eyes and brought out her beauty, but today wasn't that kind of day. Today was going to be problematic. There was no avoiding it, and she wasn't one to avoid. She faced everything in life head-on, even when it wasn't good for her. Like this wasn't going to be good for her, but it had to be done.
She stood up and headed over to her closet to pull out an outfit, noticing, with a glance to her full-length mirror, there was a small bulge on her belly. She stopped reaching and set a hand on it, knowing she wouldn't really be showing this early, certainly not with this being her first pregnancy and all, but there it was. A little hint at the life she was growing. Ten weeks, four days.
She dressed and slipped her feet into boots, marching out the front door with her head held high and half a bagel in her mouth. She unlocked her car and finished eating before starting the ignition and driving over to the household of Ashley Marin. She'd gotten from Emily that they'd be over there preparing for some party or another. Spencer knew it wasn't the best timing, but there was no best timing for this news, so fuck it.
She parked and soothed her stomach, softly hushing the baby inside and slipping out of the car. She strolled up to the front door and prepared to knock when the door ripped open to reveal the beautiful round face of Hanna Marin.
"Spencer, you ass, get in here." She laughed and hugged her tightly. "You know how to make a girl wait."
"I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around her. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too." She tripped back intentionally and laughed with Spencer. "Get in here. Come and check out my dress. It's to die for. Obviously."
"Obviously." Spencer closed the door behind her and was escorted into the kitchen where a rack of dresses was on display—the wedding gown, the bride's maid dresses, and the flower girls' dresses—and a wedding planner was opened on the counter with Ashley behind it. "Hey."
"Hey back, stranger." She grinned widely at her daughter's best friend and tried not to look suspiciously at the slight weight increase she noticed, as well as that all-too-familiar morning glow on her cheeks. "I'll get you something to drink. Tea? Juice? Wine?"
"Oh, no thank you. I'm all right." Spencer pointed to the gowns. "Aren't you worried about someone ruining the dresses? Or a certain someone seeing it?"
"Oh, Caleb knows to stay away from the house," Hanna assured her. "And they'll be bagged in a few hours anyway and taken to the proper houses. I just wanted to see everything altogether."
"They're lovely." She chuckled under her breath and fingered the silken fabric. "I'm so happy for you, Han."
"Is that why you vanished from my life for the past eleven weeks?" Hanna had kept good track of time since the wedding was coming so soon, and she knew from the moment Spencer Hastings was out of her life to the moment she came back. She was well aware of Spencer's disappearance and even tried to contact her parents a couple times, but nothing came of it. They said she was busy with work or out to lunch. She even tried to get where for lunch, but nope. They were really private about Spencer's affairs. It was odd. Almost like Spencer had asked them to fend off her friends' questions odd. She hoped not, because here Spencer was, but who knew?
"I'm so sorry. I've been—"
"Busy," they said together, and Hanna nodded her head, turning to her mom. "Could you go get Spencer's dress from my closet? It's in the back."
"Of course, honey." She dismissed herself.
"Han, look, the reason I've been so distant is because of Caleb and mine's relationship. It caused—"
"Hey, hey, hey," Hanna cut her off. "Don't use that as an excuse. I'm okay with it. I mean, on some level it still bugs me, but that's to be expected. He was my first love and now he'll be my last, and I just… dunno. It is what it is, and we're getting married, and now I have one of my best friends back. There's no one around to correct my bad grammar and pronunciations, and I've had to do it all on my own. You owe me, Hastings."
She laughed. "Is that all I'm good for? Grammar corrections?"
"Sometimes." She grinned, that cute dimple shining through, and she chuckled. "I've missed you, Spence, more than you can know."
"I've missed you, too, but we need to discuss what happened between me and Caleb."
"No, we don't. It's all good."
"No, Hanna, it's not all good, if it were, I wouldn't pressing the issue. Now, please, sit down and listen to me."
"All right." Seeing this was serious, Hanna sat down on a stool and turned to face her, hands in her lap. "I am all ears. Better than being all toes? Could you imagine?" Spencer didn't laugh, so Hanna stopped chuckling. "All right. Go ahead."
"Hanna, know that I love you and am here for you no matter what, all right?"
Hanna's heart stopped cold and ice ran down her back. "You're still in love with him...aren't you?"
"I wish it were the simple."
"Simple? To be in love with your best friend's husband?" Hanna narrowed her eyes and swallowed around the lump in her throat. She knew it had to be worse—much worse—and it wasn't in love with. It was more. It was…. "Spencer?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you pregnant?" It came out in such a low, light tone Hanna didn't recognize as her own voice. She tried to keep calm and ignore the alarms going off inside of her, but she couldn't. She could barely stay seated. She wanted to rip off the stool and grab Spencer up and rattle her to demand her answer. She wanted to go back in time and stop herself from ever opening the front door. She wanted time to simply stop so she could catch her breath. "Are you pregnant…with Caleb's kid?"
She nodded. "I am."
"Oh, my God, Spencer."
"I know. It's…huge, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want this."
"Oh, yeah, right, you didn't want this."
"Excuse me?" Spencer's eyes burned with tears of anger, and she looked at her with narrow, glaring eyes.
"You always have to be on top. You can't just let everyone else shine. It has to be the Spencer Show, and nobody else."
"Are you kidding me? You—you seriously think I would let myself get pregnant this young simply because I want everything to be about me? What the hell, Hanna?!" She spat, "And even if that were true, I'd have to assume you two were getting back together and assume you'd get married and—"
"Okay, so maybe that's not it, but it's pretty funny you're telling me this just before my wedding!" She shot off the stool, and it clattered to the floor. "How far along are you? Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"I only just found a few days ago! I was preoccupied with my job, Hanna, with my life. I didn't want this to happen to me. I didn't want this to happen to Caleb. I just wanted to start over after the breakup. I just wanted to forget." Her voice broke. "I loved him, too!"
She shook her head. "God, Spencer, don't. Just don't."
"What? Be human? I'm sorry I can't do that for you. Or for anybody! And I shouldn't have to. You're my friend. You're supposed to have my back."
"Yeah, and you're not supposed to get pregnant by my husband!"
"Fiancé!"
"Whatever!" she shouted. "I can't believe this."
"Neither can I, Hanna. This wasn't supposed to happen."
"But it did happen, and it happened to you." She shook her head. "This's gonna ruin everything."
"No, it won't. Caleb loves you. He'll always love you."
"If he loved me so much, he wouldn't have gotten with you," Hanna informed her. "And that's not me being harsh. It's just the truth."
"Han…I'm really scared here. I need you."
"Well, I don't know how I feel about this, Spencer." She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "And I don't know how to tell Caleb about this." God, given how his past, he'll want to be involved. He wouldn't do this his child what his parents did to him. He was a good man, and he'd make an excellent father. She had only hoped it'd be to their children, not the lovechild he'd have with her best friend. They were meant to be married, and now it was all up in the air. God, if he chosen Spencer and their baby over her…she'd be devastated. If he chose Hanna and the baby, the baby would always come first and by extension Spencer. It was a horrible line of thought, really, and she knew that, but she couldn't stop it. "Fuck."
"Hanna, please—"
"I can't do this. I don't like this. I don't want anything to do with this." She trembled and headed out of the room. "Please, just leave."
"Hanna, wait." She jogged to catch up to her. "Please, I need your support right now."
"This is too much, Spencer. I can't. I just can't." She grabbed the doorknob, tears in her eyes as she did so, and she gestured out the door. "Go, please, now."
"Hanna." She was in tears now, too, and she felt isolated. "Talk to me."
"I can't even look at you right now." She averted her eyes and wiped at the tears that fell. "God, Spencer…."
Spencer bowed her head and slipped out the front. The way home was a blur, all of her emotions rushed in her ear, burning them and sending red coursing over her cheeks and neck. The tears were unstoppable, and Spencer herself was inconsolable. She spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, sobbing into her pillows at the loss she felt. Like some hand of fate had come and sniped away Hanna's string from her heart, and the rest was blurred.