HARRIET NEGOTIATES THE BUSHES

"Nellie, please don't make so much noise, dear." But Nellie's whining as she cowered behind the grape arbor showed some spirit, Harriet thought. Doc Baker hadn't flummoxed the procedure a bit. It often amused Harriet that most of the townsfolk in Walnut Grove didn't see the amazing resemblance between Hiram Baker and her Nellie.

Certainly, Nellie looked nothing like the absurdly dark haired (and sadly, homely) Nels or Willie, or even like her own brunette, fabulous self!

And could Hiram resist her plea three weeks ago "Darling, I know it was for the best now that we didn't have the procedure fifteen years ago, but I was at least MARRIED to NELS…but for your own little baby-love, you can imagine all the questions."

And her pretty, blond haired doctor gave their beautiful, golden haired daughter, what Harriet liked to call a COMPLETE or at least very thorough appendectomy. No nonsense. If only Nellie hadn't written that silly letter to the school.

Now Nellie spoke, her lilting voice—ah—"Motherrr I can't see Reckness. There's Mary over there, flirting with the fat boy with the specs. Why can't she marry HIM and give Reckness to ME?"

Harriet looked at her daughter. "I thought you wanted to settle your accounts with those two, dear. It's the only way I could get you out of bed after your—your appendectomy." \

Harriet hated to think that there was a vengeful bone in Nellie's otherwise perfect form. Certainly, though—the Ingalls family needed to be taken down a peg, Harriet had always thought. Caroline always looked almost tickled—anyway her face never fell as other farmer's wives did, when Harriet told her that she wouldn't pay full price for those vulgar brown eggs.

"You know what they look like, the color and where they're from, Mrs. Ingalls!" Her Willie, always the card! Why was everyone in Walnut Grove so jealous of her perfect, precocious children?

Now Nellie almost walked through the grape arbor. "Mother, I want to go in there and talk to Reckness. I can't imagine why he has only replied to three of my letters, and been so cruel."

Harriet smiled again. "Well, Nellie, you told me that you are almost sure that Mary and Reckness have left the school to visit this vulgar debutante party just so they can, as you put it, shack up, am I right?"

What would cool, quiet, insufferable Caroline Ingalls think of that?

"Yes, yes of course." Nellie pouted, but so adorably. Hiram had pretty curls, and pretty lips…thin but with a plump—and so did her baby girl!

"Well, we've come here, and we hired those reprobates—it was just ignoble having to interact with them, but they're hiding with the little surprise in the carriage house. This will, perhaps dirty the young fornicators outsides, and bump them a bit, but cleanse their souls. Caroline and Charles would thank me for this, if they knew, and of course no one will, because the blind school is miles from this hoyden, although this Mr. Cardew's cousins—"

"Oh, look, Mother" Nellie said excitedly. "Reckness has taken Mary's arm, and is—yes, they're tapping their canes away from the barbecue, and they're going towards where the-the maid told me Mary's uh, quarters are…right in the middle of the afternoon—when all the other girls are leaving the barbecue to nap for the ball!"

Harriet was amazed. The blind boy was arguing with Mary, but they were walking slowly, and wait—was that the fat cousin, he had Mary's other arm…well, if Harriet knew slutty young women (and she'd experienced so many of them, jealous, shrewish things) Mary would disabuse the fat boy.

The young tramps were waiting inside the carriage house. With clubs, in case young Cardew cut up, and of course the tar and feathers…for the both of them. And then Harriet could go home, unless young Reckness wanted to make terms with Nellie.

What was all that screaming coming from the carriage house?

"Mother, Mary is going back to the main house with the pudgy cousin!" Nellie shrieked, forgetting she was here on the Q.T. "Reckness is following them, but who is at the carriage house? Is that a broken window?"

A QUIET TRAIN RIDE

"So, I still don't understand what happened, Reckness. Are your brother and your Uncle Willoughby all right?"

Reckness coughed. This was a first class car, but he could swear when he took Mary through second class, he heard some piggy girl squeal his name…it sounded like that creature from Mary's hometown, but that was impossible.

"I'm not quite sure what happened, Mary dearest. Apparently, Uncle Will and C.R. were going to leave you a little present in the carriage house, just to welcome you—C.R. is like that—"

"That's so nice. I met your uncle, he seems to have some rough edges, but he's so thoughtful—"

"Yes, yes. Saints, both of 'em. Anyhow, they were set on by some ruffians, burglars of some sort—though why highwaymen would be traveling with a cauldron of tar and feathers is still a mystery."

"And Uncle Willoughby broke his NOSE?"

"Yes, and I'm afraid C.R. lost a few teeth, and of course it was damned embarrassing when they ran to the main house with the feathers and all. The thugs got away, and Uncle Oliphant has made inquiries. I'm just sorry you had to be exposed to this, and of course I'm glad we are gettin' back to the school. I've missed my lessons."

"You're right. And I'm so sorry I didn't want to go to the carriage house with you like that, I'm not that kind of girl—"

"And of course the ruffians would have been uncomfortable. I'd hated to have to fight them off."

"I hope you aren't angry about Devereaux pulling me away from you, Reckness."

"No, of course not, Mary. But it's interesting that he'd behave in such a way, as he asked me if you were—I'm afraid to tell you this—"

"You can tell me anything, Reckness. I feel very strongly about you—"

"And I you, Mary Ingalls. I'm afraid Dev wanted to know if you were an easy girl, and I was going to thrash him for it earlier, you know of course if I'd taken you to the carriage house, it was just to steal a kiss, but Dev, I'm afraid…"

"That's shocking, Reckness! I did think his attentions were cloying. I hear this ringing in my ears…it sounds like…like my old acquaintance Nellie Ollson crying."

"Oh, you're just tired."

"I feel so safe with you, Reckness."