Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Spencer woke up to the sound of her phone beeping, and she rolled over to see what the commotion was, finding a series of emojis in a nonsensical order. She was too exhausted to make sense of it and turned her phone off, glancing over at her son, who had asked to spend the night with her. She smiled and cuddled up with him.
She was about to drift off to sleep when she realized the number that reached out to her was unknown. She slowly sat back up and looked over her shoulder at her blank screened cell phone, picking it up and turning it back on. Inputting the password and waiting for it to come to life, she tapped her nail against the back of the case until her phone screen was revealed. She went into her texts and found no new messages.
"What the fuck?" she whispered and shook her head. Sure, she was tired, but not this tired. She saw the emojis and the lack of words. She even knew which emojis were used, and it wasn't a PTSD dream. It was real. Her phone buzzed, and she… she saw it. It wasn't a spill over from her dream. It wasn't.
She pulled up Caleb's information and sent him a text asking him to meet her for lunch later. If anyone could trace a self-deleting text, it would be him. After sending the text and getting a very grouchy reply—it was four in the morning, so completely justified—she went back to cuddling her son and sleeping.
When she woke the second time, it was time to start the day. She woke Ben and told him to go brush his teeth and dressed. They would have breakfast and start their day out with some yoga or meditation or whatever Alicia did with him on Fridays that he loved.
She climbed down the stairs with Ben and headed to the kitchen to make some smoothies, finding him going to the living room to pull out his mediation CD. She smiled at how into this little schedule he was and pulled out fresh fruit, yogurt and granola. She plugged in the blender and prepared their strawberry kiwi granola smoothies while he stretched and did some "karate" he'd seen once in the original Karate Kid Aria had shown him when she was over here last month. Spencer was tempted to enroll him in some classes when he was bigger, because he wasn't half bad, and learning some self-defense wasn't the worst skill to have in the world.
"Here, baby, your breakfast." She ensured it was fully blended and added his favorite crazy straw, sitting down on the step between the kitchen and the living room. "Cheers."
He clinked his cup with hers. "Cheers."
They drank up, Spencer flipped the CD to the fourth song while Ben rolled out the meditation blanket, which doubled as a shared yoga mat, and they moved to their usual sides as the Cello Suite In G major seeped from the speakers and inside the space between them. They inhaled deeply to fill every inch of their lungs, holding it deep for five counts them releasing it and lowering themselves into a sitting position to mediate.
This helped with Spencer's PTSD. She could sit and focus on the music and her son's soft breathing and know everything was going to be all right. Nothing could penetrate them, and they were escaping from the world for twenty glorious minutes of music. They were free to float and think and debate, and nothing could touch them. They were two beings breathing as one, and it chased off the loneliness Spencer felt. Benjamin's breathing chased off the fear and the thought of eyes on her. His occasional whispers when his mind was too full brought a smile to her lips and grounded her. It was just the two of them, and no one was going to come in between them.
When their session was over, Spencer was sleepy, and Benji wanted to see Alicia. She checked the time to see it was nearly eleven, which was close to noon, so she decided to call Caleb and ask him to lunch early. Brunch was an important meal, too, and who didn't love French Toast? Honestly, she wasn't too hungry at the thought of a self-destructing text message, but she had to keep her energy up. She had a three-year-old who loved to play.
Alicia showed up thirty minutes later, having to walk and feed her dog and having to deal with some personal issues prior to babysitting. Spencer didn't mind. They watched some Paw Patrol and munched one some halved grapes. It was a good little snuggle session before she was off to see Caleb.
"I'll have him tucked him for his nap an hour after lunch, and then I can prepare dinner for you both, if you want," Alicia offered.
"That'd be great." Spencer slipped her foot into her ankle boot and adjusted the tassel on the zipper. "I really appreciate you being here for us right now. It means a lot."
"It's a transition," Alicia nodded, "and you both need time to process it. I'm fine with working a changing schedule."
"You're so sweet." She collected her purse and shouldered it. "I'll see you after lunch, okay?"
"Have fun."
The drive to Caleb's apartment was quick, and Spencer took the elevator instead of the stairs, patiently waiting for it to arrive on the fourth floor and stepping off. She looked for 4-C and found it at the end of the hall. There were only five rooms per floor, so she expected a spacious area once he'd let her inside, and she wasn't wrong.
The living room was wide and open with large windows to overlook the park just across the street, a fireplace rested with a huge flat screen overtop it, and there were already furnishings in the apartment. Lovely black leather couches and matching ottomans. A mahogany coffee table with vines engraved up the legs and twisting around the edges. An elegant rug lay across the marbled floor, and it really brought in the whole room with its warm red and gold design.
And to the left of the apartment was the kitchen and a staircase that lead to the upstairs bedrooms, bathroom and roof access. The apartment itself came with a laundry room downstairs across from the free gym, and a built-in Blackbush Java shop. There was an indoor pool and outdoor pool, and there was ample parking. It was a dream apartment, if such a one existed for Caleb. She'd have to ask, but this was a real winner. Ben was going to love it. He may never actually want to come home again. Hell, if the pool was heated, she may never want to go home again.
"Wow, Caleb, it's incredible." She minded the boxes lying around and turned to face him with a smile on her face. "There's so much space. You can put an office right here in the living room. It'd be so much easier to keep an eye on Benji that way. Trust me, you'll want to keep all eyes on him. I tried to give him space once, and he ended up caught in between fence bars."
"Oh, my God, Spence."
"What? He's fine, isn't he?" After Uncle Toby and his tools came to the rescue, that was.
He nearly laughed at how coolly she'd said that. "Sure, he's fine." He scratched a hand through his hair and walked further into the living room. "So, what was so important you had to text me at four in the morning?" He sat against the back of the couch.
"I got a text." She pulled her phone out of her purse and tucked hair behind her ear, meeting his worried eyes.
"From who?" he swallowed, hoping he wasn't going to get the answer he knew he was going to get.
"An unknown number." She approached him and handed her phone over. "But it was full of animal emjios, and no signature."
He accepted the phone and looked over the messages on display. "I don't see anything like that in your history."
"I know. I turned my phone off to avoid it waking me up before my alarm, and when I went back to read it, it was gone."
"Spence—"
"No, don't take that tone with me. I am not crazy. I know what I saw, and yes, I was tired. It was an exhausting day, but I was conscious enough to know I did receive a text, and it was gone two or three minutes later."
He searched her eyes to find her pleading with him to believe her. After all they'd been through, of course he believed her. There was seldom anyone else in the world he would believe more than her. "Okay."
"Thank you." She weakly smiled at him and rubbed her arms. "Can you find out where it came from?"
"I can try." He pushed off the couch and caught her hand on her elbow. "I'll do everything I can, all right? Leave it to me."
She nodded. "Thank you, Caleb."
"And no one here think you're crazy."
"You're the only one here."
"Then I know what I'm talking about." He smirked at her, and she wearily laughed. "C'mere, I made some coffee. You look like you need a cup."
"That's sweet." She followed him into the kitchen. "How big are your coffee cups?"
"Pretty average, but we can make it work." He pulled down two white mugs and set them on the counter. "How hard was it to keep off caffeine when you were pregnant?"
"So hard." She leaned against the island. "I used to inhale my mother's coffee until she was too grossed out to drink it." She laughed at the memory. "I did the same thing to Melissa, and the bitch started drinking caffeinated teas in the morning."
"What, not the same buzz?" He laughed.
"Not even close." She tossed on leg up behind her, the tip of her boot pressing against the wood floor, and she exhaled deeply. "I'm not worried, by the way."
"Oh?" He poured coffee into each mug and set hers in front of her on the island. "You're not?"
"I'm jumpy and skittish, but not worried." She picked up the coffee cup and brought it to her lips. "That probably says something traumatic about me, but it wouldn't be the first time."
"Or the second," he grimly added then swallowed, the phone in his pocket not as lightweight as it should have been. "What if it is something to worry about?"
"Then…I have a panic attack in my office and scream into the night like a wild banshee." She sipped the coffee and lifted her brows. "Then we leave the country."
"We?"
"Well, yeah. The three of us could start over. Maybe go back to Madrid, or…Morocco. We can raise our son on the cultures of the people we encounter, and you can teach him all the tech while I home school him on everything else. You could build a laptop out of coconuts and clams shells, using hamster power to fuel it." She smiled at him and couldn't help but laugh. "It sounds like a dream, but I've considered it."
"What, traveling to the furthest corners of the world with only me and our son?"
"Scratch you, but yes."
"I'd say that's harsh, but you've had every reason to scratch me."
She continued to smile at him. "I did, but you're proving yourself. Little by little. It means a lot. This meteor shower trip? Ben's thrilled."
"You will be too. I've booked a surprise for you." He splayed his hands out on the island. "Well, for all of us, but it'll be great."
"Ooh, a surprise? Already?" She dropped her foot back to the floor and leaned over towards him. "Do I get any hints?"
"No, you'll just have to wait until the day of. Make sure you can get it off, please."
"Of course." She studied his face. "Is it a hotel room? So we can spend the whole night together? You know, as a family."
"Spence, stop with the guessing. I won't tell." Though that was alarmingly close. "Just drink your coffee."
"I can't do black coffee right now. Do you have any cream?"
"I have milk."
"That works." She slid by him and opened the refrigerator door, pulling out the milk and adding it to her coffee. "Do you want some?"
"No, black's fine for me."
"All right." She replaced the milk carton in the fridge and returned to her coffee. "When do you think you'll be done with my phone?"
"As soon as I unpack my computer and analyze it."
"Caleb, I am a mother. I need my phone. I can't wait around while you dig through box after box. If my son needs me, I need to be able to get into contact with him or his babysitter."
"I know. It's in my car. I'll run down and get it." He paused. "But if you want to help me unpack while I'm working on your phone, that'd be great."
"I'm sorry, but when did I become a moving service?" She lowered her cup of coffee with a smirk on her lips. "I'd rather just watch."
"The last time you wanted to watch, I could small cheeseburger on your breath. I doubt the coffee smells much better."
"Fine. I'll rearrange your living room and make some adjustments to this kitchen."
"What's wrong with my kitchen?"
"Oh, how adorable." She pinched his chin and laughed when he glared. "It's drab, Caleb. You need a splash of color."
"I have…no color, actually. Most of my decorations are gray and black." He did need to branch out, especially with a child who would be living here part-time. He would have to invest in some colorful artwork and some coloring pads. He needed more kids' toys, too. He only had was his computer, which he wouldn't sit his son down in front of for YouTube videos, so he needed to go shopping. "Do…you maybe want to go shopping with me? Once I finish with your phone, I mean."
"If you weren't going to ask, I was going to steal your credit card and go myself."
"You'd steal from me?"
"For the benefit of our son?" She drank her coffee to think it over and nodded. "Unquestionably."
"Spicy today." He shook his head and took another drink of coffee. "Ok, I'm going to run down to my car and get my laptop. Make yourself at home."
"So…I can snoop?" She pressed her lips together in an attempt for an innocent smile.
"Yes, there's very little here but be my guest."
"Yes." She took off like a shot towards the staircase to see the second level. It was as impressive as the first, with its glass railing and ledge that overlooked the living room. There were four doors and a built-in supply closet with glass French doors. It was small but useful. The other rooms starting from the door on the right at the top were a guest bedroom, which was completely empty, a full bath, solo access to the roof, and the master bedroom, which was fully furnished in different hues of silver. How…bleak.
"Wow." She ran her fingers over the silk sheets and clicked her tongue. The sheets were impressive, as was the desk in the corner with what had to the latest and greatest in desktop computer technology. Or it would be once Caleb built it. It was still currently in pieces, but she knew a computer when she saw one. It would be perfect for him.
The front door closed loudly, she looked over her shoulder and stepped back into the hall, approaching the doors that lead to the roof. She padded up the staircase and opened the last door to be standing on the pebble-covered roof. She was nearly knocked back by a gust of wind, it gathered up her hair and blew it and her clothes back. She laughed at how warm it felt against her skin and closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the city and the park around her. They were distant and calming oddly enough. She loved it.
She stepped out onto the path free of pebbles and imagined a lovely garden up here. It'd be perfect. There was so much space for a garden and lawn chairs and maybe a tiny pond. It'd be a lot of work—a lot of money—but it'd be lovely. Maybe a project for her. She was into design. She did the entire loft. She could redo this entire space, if Caleb wanted her to. He might enjoy his rock paradise, though she wouldn't until she asked—and she would be asking, because holy crap, how gorgeous could this area be!
She ambled over to the edge of the building and saw Caleb reentering, and she leaned back, surveying the city at its afternoon hours and finding herself falling a bit more in love with it. She had come here with the intentions of building herself up and away from Hastings and Hastings, to grow out from the shadow of her parents and become an individual who would be remembered as Spencer Jill Hastings, not Veronica and Peter's daughter, not Melissa's little sister. She came here to do so with her son, and maybe it wasn't going as planned exactly as she had planned, but it was going. She had to remember that.
She inhaled the afternoon air and lowered herself onto the ground, sitting down on the cool cement. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped an arm around them. She had plenty to consider about remaining in or departing from Blackbush and Hart, but she would go over every piece of evidence before she came to a decision. It was the least she could do for the company that had treated her so well over the past three years. She would give it time and decide accordingly, although she had more than one reason to remain, and one of them was shuffling about downstairs trying to figure out what happened to the text she'd received.
Spencer lingered outside for about ten more minutes then joined Caleb in the kitchen, sitting beside him with a Well? look on her face. "Any news?"
"Yeah, the text was sent through an app using self-destruction software." He showed her his screen. "It was on a timer from the minute you opened it."
"Why? Who would do that?" She already knew the answer, but she had hope he found more out from the sender. "Do you know who send it? Or where it came from?"
"No, there's nothing to trace it back to. I've been trying, but they knew what they were doing." He glanced over at her. "Like a certain figure we both know."
"She's not a figure anymore. Her name is Charlotte, and she's in prison for what she did to us. She can't have possibly have done this."
"I don't know, Spence… If it smells like A and acts like A, it's probably A." He searched her eyes. "Or one of her lackies."
"No, no, I am not reliving this." She snatched her phone from the table. "It's not her. It's not A. It's just…a mistake."
"Spencer, this wasn't a mistake. Someone is trying to harass you, and they're doing a damn good job. I can't retrieve the text data, and I can't locate where it came from. All I know are the basics, because I've lived with this for years, just like you."
"No, not just like me." Her voice broke, and she stomped a foot down heel first. "You—you weren't targeted as much as me and the girls were. You weren't constantly under watch. You weren't kidnapped and betrayed and tortured beyond worry for your girlfriend."
"Which was torture—both times." He stood up. "Spencer, you can't do this? I can't do this. We have a child who A could come after. Attack or—or worse, kill. A is dangerous, and if they are connected to Charlotte, they could want revenge for your statements keeping her in prison. Charlotte was well-connected, and she might still be. People like her don't reform themselves. They only pretend to, to benefit their situation. It only backfired, and I bet she's pretty pissed. They're pretty pissed."
"It's been three years, why do this now? Why start this game up again now?"
"Why not?"
She shook her head no. "Caleb, don't do this."
"What? Be honest? Be realistic? Our lives have never been our own. They've always belonged to some asshole who sees herself as a higher power; and yes, we did reclaim most of that power, but maybe someone else is trying to come in and take it back."
"Caleb… I really can't relive my teenage years. I can't finally be free of her just for her to come back into our lives again and again. I can't live like this. My son cannot live like we have lived! With lies an—and secrets and danger and on the edge at all times because there is no way out!" She was screaming at him with tears in her eyes and a quiver in her words, and she couldn't stand it. She couldn't do this again. She had too much to lose, and she would not do this again. "Caleb, I—"
He pulled her into his arms and hushed her thoughtfully, burying her face in his shoulder and assuring her she wasn't going to do this alone. They would handle this as best they could, and when they had proof, they would contact the police. The same one who handle the Charlotte case, and it would be dealt with. They wouldn't make the same mistakes of the past. They couldn't, not with their son in their lives.
"Why me?" Spencer whimpered against his shoulder, shuddering. "What did I do to deserve this?"
"We don't know that it's just you. We can contact the girls, see if they've gotten similar messages, and if they have then we'll deal with it accordingly." He stroked her hair. "It'll be okay. I promise I won't let anything happen to you or Ben. Not like before."
"I'm scared."
"I know, but you're not alone, remember that." He pulled back to view her face and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "You're not alone, and I'm here for you."
She nodded and snuffled.
They took a moment to calm her down, her PTSD flaring up and causing unwanted memories to flutter through her mind, and Caleb made her some tea while she practiced the breathing exercising her therapist had encouraged her to use to manage through an attack. She curled up on the couch and trembled now and again but had regained her composure. She wasn't one hundred percent back, but she would manage.
"Here." He set the cup down on the coffee table. "It's some herbal tea Toby left behind. I guess the movers packed everything."
She laughed weakly. "It's actually an herbal infusion tea. I was on a tea kick when I was pregnant, and Toby was there for me, so we drank them all together."
"God, then you probably shouldn't drink that."
She laughed naturally now. "It's fine. I still have some canisters of it at home. It doesn't expire until 2020. We're not quite there yet." She glimpsed at him. "What are we going to do if we contact the others, and they've gotten the same messages?"
"I told you, we'll deal with it." He reached over and grasped her hand. "If it's a copycat, we'll get the proof, turn it over the police and continue to raise our son."
"And if it's not that simple? If there's more than one?"
"We'll deal with them, too, because we're not raising our son around the same violence and lies and deaths that we were raised around." He laced his fingers through hers and attempted a smile. "We will rise above, okay? We always do."
"Do you know how much we lost rising above?"
"We aren't kids anymore."
"All that means is these aren't kiddy games." She met his eyes. "If this escalates…I don't want to see the results."
"We won't. For all we know, you're right, and this was a mistakenly sent text. For all we know it isn't a copycat A. We'll figure it out."
"I'll call Aria if you call Emily."
"Why do I have to call Emily?"
"Because." She challenged, "Sparia."
"That isn't an answer, and that's a terrible name."
"See, you don't get it." She pulled her hand from his and collected her phone from off the table. "Call Emily but be discrete. We don't know if this person has messaged them or not." She dialed the familiar number of her best friend, and she was answered by the second ring.
"Hey, Spence, what's up?"
"Not much. I just thought I'd call and tell you Caleb is back in town."
That sparked an entire conversation in itself, Spencer had to take it into the kitchen to keep Caleb from hearing her honest opinion about him, and Aria was ready to give him a piece of her mind. She had an entire speech at the ready, and she wanted to hear Caleb apologize to her, too, because him bailing affected her and Emily and Toby. She had words for his vagabond ass, and she was going to come down there and give them to him. She had a trip planned before the beginning of the school year to come down and see Benji Bear.
So, by the time Spencer got around to asking if Aria had gotten any strange text messages lately, Aria was fully focused on the conversation and missed nothing.
"How do you mean, weird? Like A weird, or spam weird?" She paused. "Is there more to why you called me than Caleb?"
"What? No, of course not." She twisted hair around her finger and cleared her throat, dropping the strands. "I'm just wondering if you got that weird four am text this morning. It was totally spam, but it woke me up. I wanted to know if you got it, too, because Caleb did."
"Oh." A beat. "No. I slept through the night. No messages."
"It must have been a Blackbush area only then. We work through the same company, and they might have sent it to us as…a joke or an offer. I didn't really catch a glimpse of it. I was too exhausted."
"Oh, God, you two work together too?" She sounded disgusted, like there was a hair in her veggie burger, and Spencer wanted to hug her.
"Not in the same building, but through the same company. Blackbush and Hart and Blackbush Technology are owned by the same group of people." She tapped her fingernails on the counter. "And don't be so hard on Caleb. He is trying."
"Good. It's only three years too late."
"It's not too late, not for Ben."
"For me it is. If he wants to apologize to you, he needs to apologize to all of us. Don't get me wrong; I adore Benji Bear with all my heart. He's like my own, but Caleb has a ton of making up to do."
"I concur. I never said he didn't."
"Good, because if he's making googly eyes at you and you fall for it, I am going to kick your ass, Hastings."
"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody is making eyes at anybody." She looked at the kitchen door to ensure Caleb was still on the phone with Emily. "We're just…parents."
"And stay parents with pants on and in place," she huffed. "Seriously, Spencer, he's already hurt you once. I can't let him live if he does it again."
"Jesus, Aria, you are tiny but mighty."
"Damn straight. Nobody does to you what he did and lives to tell the tale. Were it not for Benji, I'd drive down and give him a piece of my mind. And trust me, I wouldn't stop there."
"I know, and I love you for it, but please, just…try and make peace with him. I believe he's here for good now, and I don't want anything or anyone to chase him off."
"If he truly is there for good, a little bit of me wouldn't chase him off."
That was true, and she couldn't fight that. "I have to go, Aria. Benji's with Alicia, and I'm trying to not use up her entire day off."
"All right. Let me know how this works out, okay?"
"You have my word."
"I love you, Spence. Give Benji a million kisses from me."
"Oh, just a million?"
"Yeah, you're right. Make it a million and one."
She laughed and shook her head. "Goodbye, Aria."
"Bye."
"Hey." Caleb entered from the living room and set his phone down on the counter beside Spencer's. "Em didn't get any suspicious texts, but she definitely wants to talk about how we're doing."
"How are we doing?" She peeked up at him.
"We're just finding our footing, Spence. What else can we ask for but ground?"
She nodded. "That's true. You're very wordy today." She straightened up and leaned against the counter. "I like it."
He smiled. "It's all my education paying off." She laughed. "Hey, don't knock it. I'm being serious."
"Of course you are." She turned to lean her back against the counter and hummed. "Why don't we do dinner over here? I'll help you unpack, and Ben can get to know you by the stuff you keep."
"That sounds great, but how do we keep him entertained?"
"Empty out a box, and he'll make a kingdom." She swiped her phone off the counter. "I'll have Alicia drop him off once he's had his after lunch nap, and in the meantime we can unpack."
"In those boots?"
"I've walked marathons in more," she mused, and he chuckled. "I'll be barefoot. Is that a problem?"
"Not at all, just don't drop anything. I don't have a first aid kit."
"I carry one in my purse—and you'll want to get one. You have a child now. They are walking accidents waiting to happen."
He nodded. "Why don't we run to the store first? Grab some crayons and markers for Ben. And a first aid kit."
"Pick up some groceries for dinner," she chimed in with a smile.
"Yeah, let's go. I'll drive." He collected his phone and moved for the front door. "I need to buy a car seat, too."
"Don't bother. I have a spare." She caught up to him on the way out the door.
"Why?"
"I was in a relationship with a guy, and we were pretty serious. He bought one for his car, and when we broke up, he gave it to me." She noted how quiet he became at the news and worried he might have feelings for her. She cleared her throat and asked, "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No, of course not. I… I just wonder how many men and have in and out of his life before I stepped into the picture."
"Don't worry. I kept my slut status to a minimum."
"No, I didn't mean it like that."
"I know." She pressed the down arrow on the elevator. "And there were never any men in his life that he'll remember. Save for Toby."
"Uncle Toby," he corrected with a grin, "or so I hear."
"He might as well be Aunt Toby," she mused. "He fusses like one."
Caleb laughed. "That makes me happy."
"Yeah, makes me happy, too." She smiled with him.
"So, were you two…?"
"No, not since high school." She shook her head. "We're just friends. Very good friends."
He nodded. "I owe him…everything. All he's done for you and for our son, I can't repay that debt."
"You can by being actively present in our son's lives."
"Is it that easy?"
"Trust me, it won't be easy, but…yes, that all it'll take. Toby is easy to please when it comes to Ben." She crossed her arms. "You'll just have to own it."
"I intend to."
The elevator dinged as the doors parted, Spencer and he shared a smile before entering, and she pressed the parking garage option. They spoke more on the way down, Spencer felt comfortable with him and wondered if that meant her angry was gone or simply suppressed for the sake of their son. She couldn't be sure of the answer, and the elevator stopped before she could linger on it. They had a long day ahead of them, so why not question it later? Like when she was in bed and couldn't sleep due to the mystery message she'd been sent.
They piled into his car, Spencer suggested a local store to buy the crayons and markers in, and Caleb inquired how many people she knew in this little town. It wasn't unlike Rosewood, only more city in certain areas, and there were similar shops and bistros and such. It was cozy, and Spencer had enjoyed living here and raising her son here. There was little she questioned here. It all made sense to her in its own way. Although the Yakk Shack didn't go on that list.
"What the hell is the Yakk Shack?"
"Not to be confused with Yak Shack with one K," Spencer stated. "It looks like a mom and pop type store, but I've never been inside."
"Okay, we're definitely going in."
"Caleb, no. I don't want to."
"We're going in, and you'll just have to deal with it." He found a parking space outside the arts and crafts store. "C'mon, be brave, Spence."
"I got in the car with you, didn't I?" she grumbled and released her seat belt, slipping out of the car.
They crossed the street to Yakk Shack—yes, it was a wooden sign with engraved hay barrels and birds living in the A's, the K's and the C—and entered the store. It instantly smelled of old books but was warm and felt like coming in from the rain. Before them were rows of shelves filled with glass ombred ornaments to the left, shelves of tin cartons and little figurines to the right, and smack in the middle were homemade wooden products. Likely the cause of the old book smell.
"This is…"
"Retro?" Spencer offered in a whisper.
"Yes."
"Ben would love it." Spencer pointed out the baseball knick-knacks. "He loves baseball. He wants to join a little league team. I haven't thought about it in a long while, but I should look into it when he's older."
"Yeah, he's too small right now." Caleb looked over the wooden rocking chair and wondering how it would look in his living room. He always wanted a handcrafted rocking hair. He checked the price tag and laughed aloud.
"What?" She walked over him to him and looked over the price tag. "For a chair? What is it made it? Golden wood with a cashmere cushion?"
"The cushion is cashmere," a voice said from behind the counter and both of them jumped. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you kids."
"It's okay." Spencer rubbed the back of her neck to try and rub off the embarrassment of being caught saying such a thing. "It's a lovely chair, but too rich for our blood."
He nodded. "You'll find nothing better around here. You have my word on that."
"I'm sure."
Caleb remarked, "We're really just looking around. I just moved into town, and I wanted to get to know some of the local shops."
"That's nice of you." He smiled at the young man. "Your girlfriend showing you the ropes, eh?"
Spencer blushed. "Oh, it's not like that."
"Not like that, eh?" He shook his head with a disbelieving look in his eye. "I've seen you and that boy. He looks just like his father here."
"It's a complicated situation, I assure you." Spencer said this flatly and urged Caleb to follow her. "We ought to be going. I have to pick up some crafts from next door." She headed out the door.
"What a shame. Young people don't stay together anymore these days."
Caleb hovered by the doorway. "Guess not." He met Spencer in the arts and crafts shop, helping her pick out the crayons and markers and some notebook paper for him to draw in.
"Aww, crazy cats two," Spencer fingered the coloring book. "Better if it were dogs, but I'll take it."
"You want a dog?"
"God, no, but Ben does." She lifted a finger at him. "Do not buy him a dog for brownie points."
"I won't. Do I look like I have time for a dog?" He picked up the coloring book. "I'm buying."
"No, I can pay for it."
"He's our son, and you've bought him how many coloring books in the last year alone?" She thought it over to give him an actual answer, and he laughed. "I was joking, Spencer."
"I know, but it was only like twenty or so."
"My God, you are a freak, but it's cute." He headed over to the register and paid for the items in his basket.
She smiled to herself at his comment and thought back to one Aria had similarly made about her. She shook her head and waited for him by the door, seeing the cashier checking him out. She frowned and thought about him dating while he was. Bringing women into Ben's life, exposing him to potentially unsavory characters. At least with Hanna, Spencer knew what she was going to get. This new situation? Random chicks checking him out, asking him out, and if he said yes and got serious about someone, they would be the stepmother to her child.
She shivered and slipped outside to the warm August air and tried to wash away those thoughts. She didn't want to share her son, not with anybody else, but she was just learning to accept Caleb into the sharing circle. She couldn't include a girlfriend or fiancée or wife. She couldn't imagine trying to deal with a second mother to her baby boy. God, that made her sick to her stomach. Having to share motherhood? Absolutely fucking not.
"All right, I have the goods, now we need food." He brushed by her and caught her wrist gently on the way to tug her towards the car. "What sounds good? Thai food, like I mentioned? Or something homemade?"
"Mmm."
He frowned. "Spence?"
"Huh?" She lifted her eyes. "Yeah, that sounds good."
"What does?"
"I'm sorry. What were you saying?" She stepped off the curb and into his personal space, smelling the perfume of the saleswoman on him. It was cheap and powerful. Gross.
"Dinner: do you want take out, or do you want to cook something?"
"Um, let's cook something healthy. It's been junk-ish foods for the past couple of nights, so why not some grilled chicken with sautéed bell peppers over brown rice?"
"That sounds delicious to a three-year-old."
"He actually loves chicken in all its forms, so yeah." She bobbed her head with a smartass smirk on her lips. "Stop act like you know my son better than I do."
He leaned down. "Our son."
She inhaled. "You know what I mean."
"I do, lucky for you."
"Lucky for me?"
"Or I'd be insulted." He leaned back and opened the driver's side door. "C'mon, let's go to Whole Foods or wherever you shop."
"Don't make it sound so pretentious."
"You shop at Whole Foods? Seriously?"
"Shut up and get in the car, Caleb."
They swung by the store on the way home, picking up the rather pricy meal Spencer picked out, and this time he didn't offer to pay. She didn't mind paying, so there was no fight, and they drove back to the apartment. Spencer called Alicia to have her drop Ben off and lock up the house, and Caleb unloaded the grocery bags.
"Open that bottle of wine, please." Spencer waited for Alicia to pick up the phone. "Let it breathe."
"Are you sure that's wise? I thought drinking alone was sad."
"I've grown up since then." She heard Alicia pick up. "Hey, Alicia, it's Spencer."
Caleb found the corkscrew and opened the bottle of wine she'd purchased, helping himself to a sip and finding it wasn't too bad. He wasn't a big wine drinker. He preferred beer, but maybe some wine now and then wouldn't hurt.
"Thank you so much. I'll see you in what? Twenty minutes? Thirty?" She nodded. "Okay. Bye."
"When do you want to eat? It's only three."
"We normally eat at six, so why don't we make some lunch? I am starving." She set her phone on the counter. "Do you have any food here?"
"Some basics. I went shopping the other day when I realized I had nothing for breakfast." He pointed her to the fridge and the walk-in pantry beside him. "Help yourself."
"Don't say that. I might get too comfortable."
"And the problem there is?"
There it was again. She wasn't sure if he was flirting, or if he was just easygoing about the topics. She wasn't sure how she felt if he was flirting, because it would make everything so must simpler. Honestly, it would be easier if they were a couple. They would be together and raise their son without any outside influences, without stepparents, without girlfriends or boyfriends. Without people coming and going from their lives and confounding Ben. It'd be just the three of them, happily together (until Ben was old enough to potentially push them away then it'd be the two of them).
However easier wasn't what she wanted. She was still mad with him over his decision to not reach out during her pregnancy or the years that followed. Caleb was a bright individual with access to a world of knowledge at his fingertips—and legs, if he tried to speak to Aria, Allison, or Emily—but he chose to do nothing for three years until a random encounter put him back into their lives. Who knew if he would have ever tried to reach out and make a desperate plea to her parents to tell him where she and his child were? She couldn't speak on it, but she wouldn't ask on it either, not anymore. She had already pushed his boundaries in that regard, and she didn't want to piss him off. He was proving himself, and she'd allow him to continue to prove himself until his debt was repaid, and there was nothing to worry about.
Until then she had to ask, "Are you okay with that?"
"Yeah, my place is your place." He shrugged a shoulder. "I don't mind sharing when I have all this space, and it doesn't feel like home yet."
"No?"
"No." He lifted his eyes to hers. "But you feel like home."
She tried not to blush at that statement. It was said so coolly, nothing romantic was implied, and of course he added, "Well, you and Ben together. You alone feels like high school." And she had to laugh, because she had to.
"And with that mysterious message you received, it really feels like high school."
"Yeah, let's not relive high school." She drew closer to the fridge. "How about sandwiches for lunch? Do you have any chips?"
"Yeah." He closed out of his phone and helped her prepare lunch for the two of them. He made a shared plate of chips—paper plate, because he hadn't unpacked the ceramic ones yet—and Spencer made the sandwiches, cutting them in half and nearly removing the crust out of habit. She laughed when she told him what she'd just about done and reminded him to do so for Ben should he ever want a sandwich. He nodded and carried the chips and his sandwich over to the dining table, Spencer poured them two glasses of wine and brought them over with her sandwich.
"So," Spencer tucked her legs in under herself and helped herself to a chip, "where do we even start with unpacking?"
"I'd say the living room since Ben will be in there the most."
"What do you own in living room décor?"
"Not much. It was mostly going to be my furniture, but they supplied that. So now I have a guestroom with spare couches and no bed." He gestured down the hall to where the guest bedroom was. "I plan to make it Ben's room since it's on the first floor."
"That's smart." She nodded and met his eyes. "Are you and Toby still friends? I know you said you lived with him after the split with Hanna, but I have to wonder how you never found out about Benji. I mean, he's Uncle Toby."
"He made the same promise as the you and the girls made with Hanna—no words on you and yours. He wanted it to be my choice, and he didn't want me to be absent and live vicariously through him either." He bit his bottom lip and met her eyes. "I really wish I would have tried harder to get back to Benji. I can never be sorry enough."
She searched his eyes and slowly nodded. "I managed."
"You did, and that makes me insanely proud of you. I don't know that I could handle being a single parent to a newborn."
"You would have crumbled like wet tissue paper." He couldn't tell if she was joking or not, and she offered no hints, sipping her wine. "He had colic, and he is highly susceptible to earaches. He has allergies to shellfish, peanuts, tree nuts, and he just doesn't like the blues."
He smiled at that last one. "Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah." She fingered the stem to her wineglass. "I honestly can't imagine you being in our lives when Ben was first born. If that sounds harsh, I'm sorry. I just…needed that time to bond with him, I suppose."
"Did that take long then? Bonding?"
She nodded. "I loved him at first sight, but…I felt distance between us for months. It was awful. I couldn't…connect with my child, and I honestly considered adoption for about a week."
"Wait, what?" His lips formed a deep frown, and he stared. "Why?"
"Because I would pick him up, and he'd cry. I'd look at him, and he'd cry. I'd hand him over to anyone else—and I mean, even Melissa—and he'd calm. He'd look at them , and he'd smile, and everything was all right. Hand him back to me, either his bowels or his mouth would open. It was a nightmare." The hospital had been idyllic, but the moment they were home, everything turned on its heel and shook up. It was terrible. She cried every day, and she relied on her parents so much so that Dad had to take time off just to help keep her sane. She and he bonded for the first time over something that wasn't shared cases or landing a client or the like. "I… I had really deep postpartum depression, and I sank, Caleb."
"I—I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. I became a stronger person because of it—a stronger mother. I wouldn't trade most of it for the world." She smiled at him. "And I clearly didn't go with adoption."
"How far into adoption did it look?"
"Never tell Aria this, but Mom and I interviewed a couple parents. I just… I never connected with them too, so I went to my doctor. She suggested it might just be me, and for the most part, it was. I got medicated, and Mom helped me. She… She's a rock, Caleb, and I don't know how I would have survived without her."
"Remind me to send her flower's on Mother's Day," he mused, somewhat bitterly, ironically.
"Ditto." She drank from her cup and placed her feet back on the ground. "It only took me three months to connect with Benji. Once I was medicated and my body regulated itself, we found our rhythm."
"I noticed that, too. You two are very close."
"It's only been us." She hesitated. "Well, there was Mark."
"The serious boyfriend." He nodded his head. "I remember."
"We…dated for my first year here, and then we broke up. It was messy, but Benji was too young to remember him. I…still have some pictures, and I'll explain how good Mark was to us to him one day, but that's all."
He nodded again and bit into his sandwich. "Mmm."
"What do we do if we get involved with other people?" she whispered.
"What do you mean if?"
"Fine. When we get involved with other people, what do we do?"
"We'll be sure first if we want them in our lives and introduce them to him." He shrugged a shoulder. "Isn't that what other adults do?"
"I suppose." She tucked hair anxiously behind her ear. "How do we know what sure is?"
"Sure like you were sure about Toby," he suggested.
"I used to think Toby was A and a murderer. I don't think my sure meter is accurate." He snorted a laugh. "And why aren't you more concerned? I might marry someone one day, and you might be out ranked by a stepdad."
"As someone who's had several "dads", I'm sure I can handle whoever you throw at me."
"Okay, see, I don't want "handle". I want us to be a team. The two of us until it's the four of us."
"Spence, I'm not even interested in dating. Why are we discussing this?"
"I like to be prepared, and when you're not looking, romance happens." She shrugged a shoulder, and he outright laughed at her. "Shut up." She flicked a piece of lettuce at his face.
"Wow, real mature, Hastings."
"Just eat your food."
They finished up their lunch and cleaned up the dishes, folding them carefully and placing them into the trash. Caleb offered her a refill, which she accepted, and they headed to the living room with a box cutter and no idea where to start.
"How about with some music?" Caleb held his phone up.
"Yes." She grinned around a drink of wine. "That's the perfect place to start."
He turned on some tunes, Spencer abandoned her glass for a box marked living room, and Caleb tried to figure out where in hell his belongings were going to hang and/rest. There were built-in shelves along the diving wall between the living room and the kitchen, and he started to see how certain items would look where, and he smiled to himself—then realized he had to find them, dust them off if needed and put them where he'd pictured. He groaned inwardly.
Spencer discarded her shoes and unpacked throw pillows that reeked of ex-girlfriend. Toby's, not Caleb's. Hanna had better taste than tassels and plaid. She couldn't help but smirk at the sight of them, feeling Toby's energy on them and just knowing Benji would claim them the minute he saw them. He loved him some Uncle Toby. He was the only father Benji had known for three years, so Caleb did have shoes to fill, even if he didn't know it.
They had unpacked about four boxes—Spencer was working on décor while Caleb filled the bookshelves—when a knock on the door and a photo text to Spencer's phone of Alicia and Ben smiling outside the door. She laughed and jogged over to answer it. Caleb leaned back to see who this babysitter was and narrowed his eyes at her hair.
She wasn't at all who he thought Spencer would have picked out to babysit their kid, but there she was. All 5'6 of her with bleach blonde hair, bright purple contacts over blue eyes, tights with shorts and a sleeveless vest. Sun-kissed and bubbly from her grin and hand motions. There were a couple piercings and tattoos he saw, and he was stunned now that Mr. or Mrs. Hastings hadn't come chasing her off.
"Thank you so much for bringing him over." Spencer let him into the apartment to roam, calling in to let Caleb know Benji was in the apartment and to keep an eye on him and the stairs.
"Could I meet Caleb?" Alicia inquired. "I'd like to know the new man in Benji's life."
She chuckled. "Come on in."
Caleb placed his C plus plus book down and offered a welcoming smile to the woman entering his apartment. "Hello."
"Hey." Alicia walked right up to him and grabbed his hand. "Alicia Downs, Benny's babysitter."
"Benny?" He shook her hand.
"Benny, Benji, Ben—aren't they all nickname?" She showed a perfect smile. "And you're the illusive father. It's nice to finally meet you, Caleb…right?"
"Yeah, it's Caleb."
Spencer crossed her arms and stood between them. "Where's Ben?"
"Right here." He popped up from the couch. "Mommy, this is so cool! C'mere!"
"Hold on, baby." She turned to Alicia. "I will write you out a check. Give me just a second." She went to retrieve her purse.
Alicia released Caleb's hand and tilted her head at him. "So, you're a computer man?"
He glanced at the C plus plus book. "I was practically born with a mouse in my head. What can I say?"
"Benji has your love of computers. He's always trying to get my phone and tinker with it. He'll be a handful when he's old enough to use tools."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yep." She smacked her lips. "Are you staying this time? Because if you have any intentions of hurting that boy or Spencer, I will personally castrate you."
He laughed dryly. "H—how old are you?"
"I'm twenty-one and training to be a nurse, so believe me, I know how to hurt you without leaving a mark." She smiled sweetly. "Are we clear?"
"Here I thought Emily would be the only one to threaten me."
"Nope. You should know, I am all about single mother's, having come from one myself, so I know how to pick up broken pieces, just don't make me." She glanced over as Spencer entered the room. "And we had a great time today. We went to the park with Bastian after lunch, and Benny helped me with some advanced math."
"Math?" Spencer handed over the check. "Wow. First, you're teaching him Latin and now math? I should pay you more."
"I wouldn't say no." She laughed lightly and waved. "I have to pick up Bastian, but I'll see you guys later. Bye, Benny!"
"Bye, Cia!" He waved back.
She left the apartment and glanced back at the door number, checking her phone at the picture she'd taken with Benji to ensure the number was in the picture. She wanted to be sure she could find if she needed to. Say, if he hurt Spencer or Benji emotionally by bailing or simply bowing out rudely. No one hurt her family and lived with both kneecaps in place.
"Why do I feel like I've been targeted by a member of the Italian mob?" Caleb muttered to Spencer.
"And that's different from the Irish mob?" She laughed at him. "Calm down. She's just a kid."
"She threatened to kick my ass if I hurt you."
"Aww, think she meant it?"
"Spencer."
"What? I was joking." She pointed to the couch. "Our son wants us to check something out, so c'mon, you spaz."
"He just asked for you."
"Me means us now, c'mon." She grasped his hand and hauled him over to the couch, plopping down carefully and feeling it had a temperature to it. "Whoa, what is that?"
"Right?" Ben grinned.
"Does it vibrate?" She took the small remote from him and found a vibration setting. "I may be in love."
"Hey, hold my hand, too." Benji grasped her hand at the remove and sat closer to her, eyeing Caleb for a moment.
"What is it, baby?" Spencer caught the eyeing and decided to intervene. "Is something wrong?"
"I farted," he whispered.
Spencer busted out laughing, not having expected that answer, and Caleb caught a whiff of the mentioned fart. He shook his head and realized this was his life now. At the sight of Spencer laughing and Ben looking away like he hadn't done anything, he was fine with it.