author's note: oh man, this is a personal favorite of mine. levi's always my favorite but i live for soft mikasa, and this left me feeling all soft by the time i finished writing it. this is another that appeared on ao3, and i feel like i have to publish this here simply because it's dear to me, as are those who read this (that's you!).
if you want a lovely soundtrack while you read, i encourage you to listen to hozier's song of the same name, like real people do. there's some beautiful acoustic versions on spotify and youtube as well.
spoiler warning! i will also note - there are some details about levi's appearance that are anime only details right now, as well as a character/location mentioned in the first half. nothing insane (in my opinion) but either way, you're warned!
like real people do
She doesn't recognize herself.
When Kiyomi insisted on treating Mikasa to a traditional celebration for her birthday, she didn't anticipate being dressed like a doll. She feels uncomfortable in the soft fabric of her dress—what did Kiyomi call it?—and even more so with her face adorned with makeup. There's a sash around her waist that's tied a little too tight, and she wonders if she'll be able to eat without untying it. She yearns for her tattered scarf that's tucked away in her room at HQ, but she knows that she must at least make it through dinner before running off.
Since the Fall, she always hated her birthday; it meant another year passed under the reality of the titans. She thought that once they won the war that maybe she can learn to enjoy it again, but when she's seated at the head of the table, she feels reduced down to her family name and heritage for the umpteenth time in her life.
Kiyomi talks to her eagerly, having only been on the island for political business, but had been determined to do something for her just for the night. The effort held good intentions, but the longer they talked, Mikasa just wanted dessert to be finished. Eren manages to pull Mikasa into his conversation with Armin; she's thankful that they're both in good spirits for her birthday, their laughter carrying across the table. Kiyomi's voice cuts in, directed at Mikasa.
"So, Mikasa, when do you plan on marrying and starting a family?"
Mikasa just stares at Kiyomi with wide eyes, completely caught off guard.
She continues, trying to recover from the awkward pause. "There's many men in Hizuru that would make fine suitors. Queen Historia has shared that you're quite fond of her child, so I just thought—"
"Mikasa hasn't really had time to find someone since the war ended," Eren interjects defensively, despite his friendly tone. "People tend to look at her for where she comes from rather than who she is," he says pointedly, making Kiyomi stiffen.
"I meant no ill will. I'm simply curious, considering her lineage," Kiyomi turns her nose up at Eren as she sips her tea.
"We still do a lot of exploring outside the Walls," Armin tries to justify Mikasa's avoidance of Hizuru's number of suitors, and she's appreciative for him as well.
"Well, with no war, she is able to settle down if she likes," Kiyomi points out.
Mikasa hates being spoken of as if she's not in the room, but she's too polite to say otherwise to Kiyomi. She's thankful for Eren and Armin's words, so she gives them a look of gratitude. Eren's emerald eyes focus on her, softening as he nods in return. Armin's expression is fond as he glances between the two. It has taken a lot of time for them to recover from Eren's harsh actions in the war, but she'll always love her adopted brother and best friend more than anything else in this world, and thus she's already forgiven Eren's cruelty long ago.
"Maybe one day I'll find someone," is all Mikasa says to Kiyomi, who seems pleased with the simple answer.
"Maybe you've already found them, but you just don't know it."
hr
Once they finish, she heads back to HQ, eager to get to the washroom to remove any traces of Hizuru from her. She isn't ashamed of her heritage, but she doesn't identify with the country as her home in any way.
This old castle is far more familiar than a culture her mother deliberately kept her away from. She pulls the sleeve of her dress further over her tattoo on her wrist, wishing to just hide for the remainder of the night. This proves impossible when she passes by the mess hall on her way to the stairs and is stopped by a voice she isn't surprised to hear.
"Oi, brat."
Mikasa braces herself for ridicule as she enters the hall, Levi sitting alone at a table with a pot of tea and two cups, one of them unused, the other held in his odd grasp. Despite missing two fingers, he manages the task with ease. She avoids his gaze as she approaches the table. "Captain."
"Care for some tea?"
She doesn't say anything, choosing to just sit beside him wordlessly. She pours herself a cup, the long sleeves of her dress nearly getting in the way as she does so. She suddenly remembers the word for the fabric: silk. It's soft, like her hair that's grown out again over the years, reaching her breasts when it's not tied up like it is now.
"What's with the new look?" Levi asks, not an ounce of teasing in his voice.
When she raises her eyes to meet his, she is curious about the look of wonder in his stormy eyes. "Kiyomi wanted to treat me for my birthday."
His response is a curt "Hm." He sips his tea, so she does the same, hiding a small smile behind the rim of her cup. She doesn't care for tea, but there's a comfort to the consistency of Levi's favorite nighttime brew. Dark, rich, and a hint of a sweet aftertaste.
Much like him.
"It's different," he comments. When she begins to look away, he huffs, "Don't pout. It's childish." She rolls her eyes at him, which only helps his point, but he doesn't chide her further. His knee bumps hers, prompting her to look him over.
Despite his many scars and healed wounds, he still carries himself strongly, a soldier of war in a post-war military. Mikasa understands all too well the need to still be ready for any threat, her lethal body concealed under the colorful silk and impractical makeup. And yet, she finds herself most at ease with Levi of all people, feeling peaceful with another who's painfully unfamiliar with such a concept.
"Kiyomi asked when I would get married," she confesses, surprising herself. Levi blinks at her, trying so hard to look completely bored.
She sees through him.
"She should mind her own damn business," he grunts. "Marriage isn't a luxury we're familiar with."
Mikasa isn't totally sure he's speaking of them, or the military, so she hums in response. Levi pours her more tea when she finishes her cup, and she notices her red lip stain is rubbing off on the teacup. "I'll wash it once I'm finished," she assures him quietly.
"Don't worry about it," he waves his hand dismissively. His eyes linger on her painted lips, making her cheeks burn at the attention; she's oddly thankful for the makeup to hide her blush.
Plenty of men have ogled her from afar and up close, always fawning over her exotic look. She's a prize for collectors and perverts alike, the last of her kind in the walls. One of the few who didn't gave her a second glance is her hardened Captain beside her, who only gave her a chance when she proved herself a worthy soldier. He opened up more once he learned her family name. He became a mentor once Eren left for Marley, shaping her to take his place should he ever fall. He proved to be a friend long before she could remember, always loyal and putting his faith in her and her comrades even when he shouldn't.
Someone along the line, the way she looked at him shifted into something tender that feels beyond simple words.
She knows the same can be said for Levi, but they've never spoken of it. She pours him another cup of tea when he finishes his, and when she hands him the cup, their fingers touch. He takes her hand in his good one, rough calluses brushing those on her palm. He admires her slender fingers, his thumb rubbing over each knuckle. She thinks of Kiyomi's words, and she imagines a ring on one of her fingers, only to blink and shake her head as Levi flips her hand over to trace the lines of her palm.
"Maybe you've already found them, but you just don't know it."
She hums again, this time thoughtfully. Levi cocks an eyebrow at her, but continues his affection. The long scar on his face doesn't put her off, only adding to his rough exterior that she's long since worked past. She reaches out to cup his cheek, running her thumb along the bottom half of his scar. His bangs are long, reaching her fingers, and she can't hide her small smile when she realizes his hair is soft like her dress, too. He sets down his cup of tea to gently take hold of her hand on his face, pressing a kiss to the inside of her wrist.
These quiet moments with Levi are all she'll ever want.
"I'm going to go to bed," Mikasa tells him, making him let go of her hands. "Will you come to me?"
"Later," he promises.
"Okay." She stands, pushing in her chair and turning to leave. She's nearly through the door when she pauses in the threshold at his voice, reeling her back in once more.
"Hey. Look at me." She does, and his expression is more relaxed as he tilts his head back to meet her eyes. "You look lovely."
It's the closest to 'Happy Birthday' that she'll get from Captain Levi, and she accepts it gratefully. She returns to her room, savoring his praise and gentle caresses the rest of the night.