Happy Thoughts

Part Nine

Donna was feeling pretty good as she walked into her office that morning. She thought for sure that Josh would still be furious with her last night so she didn't plan on him coming over. But then he surprised her by coming over and not being mad.

There was something wrong last night, but at least he wasn't angry with her anymore. She wondered what was going on with him, but attributed it to something else having to do with work since he had to leave before she got up today.

Maybe there was actually hope for them to get through this mess still intact. Maybe she would call him later and see how he was doing.

She saw her boss waiting for her by the window when she entered the office. "Good morning."

Her smile faded when Ted turned around and had a scowl on his face. "What's going on?"

"Have you read the paper this morning?" Ted asked.

"No, not yet." She shook her head. "Why?"

He handed her the paper from his hand. "Your article came out."

She knew that Ted would be upset about her comments not being the same ones they had agreed she would issue. But she figured it would be alright because she was going to get the bill passed back to the floor. There was no way that Josh and the White House let this article come out without pushing the bill back out onto the floor.

"They pushed the bill back out of committee." Ted told her.

"Well that's good." She chuckled.

"You might want to sit down before reading it." Ted warned.

She didn't understand his advice and started reading it from where she stood. It seemed fine. Danny had printed her statements just like she knew he would. Then came the White Houses' statement. Her heart fell as she read the statement. She recognized the writing style as Josh's and knew that he was the one who crafted the words that were piercing her right now.

He knew exactly how to hurt her to get the most damage and every word felt like a knife stabbing her. She walked to the nearby couch and sat down as she re-read it. She was vaguely aware that Ted was still in the room so she knew she couldn't cry right now. But she wanted to.

She finally looked up at Ted, who looked mad.

"When I hired you, I wanted someone who could not only work on this project but other projects in this town. But after this article, I can see that you aren't who I thought you would be."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But you read the article. The bill is being placed on the floor. It's going to get passed."

"But you are done in this town." Ted informed her. "No one is going to take you seriously anymore. I'm sorry but you're fired."

"That's not fair." She objected. "I gave everything I had for this job. I got you want you wanted."

"And thank you for that." He sighed. "But the truth is that you aren't useful to me or this group anymore."

She watched him leave the room and released a heavy sigh. She didn't know what to do except to pack up her office and go home.

A part of her wanted to go to the White House and yell at Josh until she lost her voice. But what good would that do? She thought back to last night. She was an idiot, a naïve idiot to believe that he wasn't mad anymore when he showed up at her door. He probably had a good laugh this morning about being able to trick her.

She took a long swig of beer before going back to what she was doing. She held open the trash bag before throwing more of Josh's things inside. She had been going room to room trying to gather everything up that belonged to him. She had also been thinking all day about what to do.

This whole thing had gotten so far out of hand that it wasn't funny. All she had wanted to do was make a career for herself and have a good reputation in D.C. Now she was out of a job with no prospects for a different job.

She was furious with him. And it wasn't the fact that he used dirty tactics to try and win. She had long ago come to peace with the fact that they would be going up against each other. That she could live with. It was the fact that he didn't even have the curtesy to warn her last night. He tricked her into thinking things were good between then. While he was kissing her, he knew that she was going to read the article this morning. He had to have known what the article would do to her. Then he didn't call or try to contact her today. He knew that she would read the article this morning. But she heard nothing from him.

Maybe he thought she was going to be the first one to make contact. He was mistaken. She had spent most of the day laying on her bed with a pillow covering her head. She had never been fired from a job before and didn't like the feeling. Once she was done with her pity party, she opened up a beer and started gathering Josh's things.

She was finally done ridding her place of Josh when there was a knock on the door. She went over and opened it, finding Josh on the other side. He looked contrite and she glared at him.

"I know you are mad…"

"You don't know anything." She scoffed, interrupting him. "How could you?"

"Can I explain?" He asked.

She let him in and pointed to the trash bag. "When you leave you can take this with you."

"What's that?" He pointed to the bag.

"It's all of the stuff that you left here." When she said that, she saw on his face that he was realizing that she was breaking up with him. She hated seeing the look of hurt on his face, but she didn't see any other recourse.

"Donna…"

"You wanted to explain." She interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest. "So explain. Explain to me why you thought it was a good idea to humiliate me in the article. Explain to me why you thought getting me fired would be endearing. Explain to me why you thought that tricking me last night into thinking things between us were fine was a good idea instead of just a cruel joke. Explain to me why nothing I do professionally is ever good enough for you. Explain to me why it was so necessary to obliterate me both professionally and personally."

"You got fired?" He asked.

"That's the take-away you get from what I said?" She scoffed. "Yes Josh, I got fired. Your article has made it so that I don't have any political clout anymore. Everything I've done since I left the White House has been in vain now."

"I'm sorry."

"About which part?" She questioned. "Are you sorry you got me fired? Because I doubt that. You never wanted me to take the job. You're probably thrilled that I got fired."

"That's not true."

"Don't lie to me." She rolled her eyes. "Don't insult me like that."

"I'm not trying to." He assured her. "I am truly sorry you got fired. I know you wanted that job."

"But you just had to write that statement, didn't you?" She scoffed.

"You were the one who started it with the article." He pointed out.

"The article wouldn't have hurt anything in your life except your ego." She corrected him. "But you were bloodthirsty and went for my jugular." She grabbed a copy of the paper and started to quote. "Miss Moss is unfortunately misinformed about the power the White House and its' staff has on Congress concerning how or when they send a bill to the floor. Maybe she was absent on the day it was taught in high school, or maybe they just didn't teach that in the small town she was raised in. But you would have thought that she would have also learned that lesson during her many years working at the White House as an assistant. In fact, she worked for Joshua Lyman, the same man she claims is playing God with Congress. Maybe she should have stuck with being an assistant so that she could learn the basics of how the U.S. government works."

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

"You know I only had a couple of goals with this job and I didn't think that I was asking for too much." She scoffed. "I wanted to succeed and I wanted to be able to say that I was worth something more than being an assistant. And I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted you to look at me and see me for something more than just the woman who has been by your side doing every crappy, humiliating job you threw at her for so many years. But this whole time, ever since I quit the White House, you've acted like you're surprised I can string two sentences together coherently yet alone do anything spectacular."

She shook her head. "You always seemed surprised by things like me being put in charge of the project, or even getting a different job in the first place. I don't know why you can't see me for who I really am, but all you seem to see is 'Donna, the pathetic assistant that you have to somehow always save'. And that's not who I am."

"I know that." He objected. "Come on, of course I know that!"

"No you don't." She shook her head. "If you did, you wouldn't have made that statement. You couldn't have made that statement. But you shot me down and you've been doing it pretty much the entire time we've known each other. I can't be with someone who doesn't see who I really am."

"Donna, c'mon. Don't do this. We can move past this."

"I don't think we can. I don't see how when you don't see me as an equal." She shook her head and walked over to her keys. A key to his place had been on her keychain for years now, but it didn't seem right to keep it there anymore. She carefully removed it and walked back over to him, holding the key out.

"I love you." He pleaded. "Please don't do this. I don't want to break up."

She looked at his face and saw that he was being sincere. She didn't doubt that he loved her. She needed more than his love though. "I love you too. I've loved you for a long time and I'll always continue to love you. And for what it's worth I believe you when you say you love me. But I can't be with someone who doesn't respect me or see me as an equal and you definitely don't."

"Donna…"

"You know I've been your number one fan and your biggest critic all of these years. I've done everything I can think of to elevate you and make sure that you are the best you could be. But this whole time, you've never once acted like you were excited or happy about what I was achieving. I know we had opposing goals, but did you ever stop to think about what I was accomplishing? The first time I tried, I was able to whip enough votes and I did it by all by myself. I'm immensely proud of that but you don't seem to care."

"I do care." He assured her. "Donna, tell me what I can do to prove it. Please."

"I'm sorry but there isn't anything to do." She apologized. "Please don't make this harder than it already is."

He sighed and took a few steps towards her, placing a kiss on her forehead.

She looked at him and thought about changing her mind. She thought about wrapping her arms around him and never letting go. But as much as she loved him, she needed to be treated as an equal and he wasn't able to do that right now.

He didn't say anything else before grabbing the bag of his stuff and leaving.

She closed the door and leaned up against it, willing herself not to cry. Ending things with him was harder than she thought it would be, but it needed to be done. She had to focus on herself right now.

Her phone started to ring and she debated just ignoring it but ultimately decided to answer it. "Hello?"

"Donna? It's Abbey Bartlett. Can you come to the residence tonight? I'd like to talk to you."

She was confused about why the First Lady would be calling her. All she really wanted to do was put on pajamas, crawl into bed and cry. But that would apparently have to wait.

"Um, sure."

"Great. So I'll see you in about an hour?"

"Sure." She agreed. "I'll be there in an hour."

She stood in the living area of the residence, waiting on the First Lady and wondering for the millionth time why she was here. It didn't make sense. If the White House was angry about her remarks in Danny's story, they wouldn't have sent the First Lady to chastise her. She would have been called straight into Leo's office.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long." Abbey greeted her with a warm smile.

"No." She shook her head. "I've only been here a couple of minutes."

"Please, sit." The First lady motioned for her to sit on the couch. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"No thank you." She refused politely, sitting on the couch and facing the woman.

"You're probably wondering why I called you here." Abbey chuckled.

"Yeah." She nodded. "That thought did cross my mind."

"Well I won't keep you in suspense. I brought you here because I've been watching you for quite some time. I've been interested in how your career has progressed."

"To be honest, I've only had a real career for a couple of months."

"That's not true." Abbey corrected her. "Even when you were Josh's assistant, you were more than that. Let's be honest. You were the one who kept his office running when he was recovering from Rosslyn. You were the behind the scenes player. You're very impressive, Donna."

She thought it was both funny and sad that the First Lady seemed to realize this but Josh didn't. "I don't know about that."

"I do." Abbey asserted. "Trust me, I've seen my fair share of idiots in politics and you are not an idiot. Look at what you did for the Children's Literacy Group. I don't want to use the word miracle but you definitely worked some magic."

"And got fired too." She laughed.

"Yes, I heard about that. I'm sorry. That must have been rough."

"It was. It is." She nodded.

"How would you like a new job?" Abbey questioned.

"Depends what job it is."

"I have an opening for a new Chief of Staff. What do you think?"

"I think you should ask someone with more experience." She was starting to think that this was some kind of prank. Why else would the First Lady be trying to offer her a job as her Chief of Staff? She couldn't be serious.

"I don't need someone with experience." Abbey replied. "I need someone I can trust, who will work hard and do everything they can to achieve my goals." I believe you are that person. You have watched Josh be deputy chief of staff for years. You have the abilities. You have the loyalty. You could use some more self-confidence but that will work itself out."

"I appreciate that you have such faith in me. I really do. But I'm not sure I can accept this job."

"What's this I'm hearing?" A voice asked from the doorway.

She looked over to see the President walking in and stood up.

"You don't want the job?" He asked.

"Mr. President, I am so sorry if any of my actions on the Veteran's Affairs bill brought trouble for you or your campaign…"

"Ah sit down Donna." He chuckled, going to stand next to his wife. "The whole thing isn't a big deal and I'm not worried about it. You shouldn't be either."

"But still…"

"It's fine. It's done and over with. " He assured her with a kind smile. "Now when my lovely wife here came to me last week and asked what I thought about making you her new chief of staff, I will admit I was surprised. Then I found out what you have been doing since you left us. You've certainly been busy."

"Yes I have." She agreed.

"You seemed to have learned a lot while you were here." He pointed out.

"Yes I did." Between the lessons Josh meant to teach her and the lessons she picked up along the way, she had learned a lot of skills while working at the White House.

Josh…that was another thing to consider. They just broke up tonight. Did she really want to take a job where she would see him on a regular basis?

Yes. The answer was always going to be yes. Even if they weren't together, she still wanted to be around him. Even though it would be awkward.

She shook those thoughts from her head. She was crazy to even consider this job.

"So what are the barriers to getting you to say yes to this job?" He asked.

She looked at the First Lady and then the President. It wasn't fair that they were double-teaming her on this issue.

Something popped into her mind and before she could stop herself, she heard her voicing her question. "Did anyone prompt you to offer this job to me?"

The two of them looked at each other and then at her. "What do you mean?" Abbey asked.

"Was this your idea or did someone plant the seed about it?" She clarified.

"No one suggested you." Abbey explained. "Why?"

"I thought maybe Josh had…never mind." She chuckled.

"Well Josh doesn't know anything about this." Abbey informed her.

She thought about it for a moment and realized she didn't have anything to lose at this point, but everything to gain. She looked at the First Lady and smiled. "Ok I'll do it."

"Wonderful! The president clapped his hands.

"I agree." Abbey smiled. "Can you start on Monday?"

"Absolutely." She replied with a small smile.