Happy Thoughts

Chapter 11

Donna walked down the hallway, passing all the familiar faces with a friendly smile as she walked to Josh's office. Honestly, she was conflicted about going there. A part of her did want to see him and talk to him. They hadn't spoken since he came to her office on her first day. That was three days ago. There was no denying she missed him. But seeing him that day only made her heartache worse.

Still, she needed to act like a professional. So she would go see him. She approached his office and didn't see Dakota anywhere in sight. She briefly wondered where Dakota was so that she could see what kind of mood Josh was in today before she went in. But since she didn't want to delay the inevitable any longer, she decided to go in anyway and take her chances that he was in a good mood.

She stood in the doorway for a moment, watching as Josh was hunkered down at his desk. His head was buried in some papers and he was alternating between reading and scribbling on a pad of paper. He was in his own little world and hadn't noticed her yet so she took a second to look at him closely.

He looked tired, which wasn't abnormal. He also looked stressed, which definitely wasn't abnormal. She was getting ready to knock on his doorframe when he looked up.

"Hey." He looked at her and smiled.

"Hi." She greeted back. "Do you have a minute?"

"For you?" He chuckled. "Always."

She couldn't tell if he was intentionally trying to be charming or if it was just second nature to him at this point.

"What's up?" He asked, putting down his pen.

"I have already put the wheels in motion through the proper channels and you should be hearing about it soon. But I wanted to give you a heads up on something. The First Lady is looking to start a new initiative."

"But it's an election year." He objected.

"We are well aware of that."

"She can't just be launching new initiatives in an election year. We need to do extensive polling first. It's crazy and she's crazy for trying it."

She grinned. "Would you like to be the one to tell her that? Because I'm not going to. But if you are going to tell her, can you let me know in advance? I'd like to be there to watch with some popcorn. I have a feeling it would be entertaining."

He laughed, showing his dimples. "Alright. I'll give you warning if I do it. So what's the initiative?"

"Vaccinations."

"Are you serious?" He groaned.

"I'm as serious as I can be." She explained. "The First Lady wants to help provide access to vaccinations to low income and uninsured families around the country."

He released a deep sigh. "Why now? Why does she want to do this now?"

"I don't question her timing and you shouldn't either if you know what's good for you." She pointed out.

"This may or may not poll well." He stated to himself. "We have to do a poll to find out."

"You think America won't like the First Lady trying to help keep children healthy?" She chuckled. "Go ahead and knock yourself out. Do as much polling as you need to, but just know that this initiative is going to go through. I'm going to make sure of it."

"How much does she want?"

She could see the wheels turning in his head. "$20 million."

He chuckled. "Well at least it isn't $100 million."

"I can't promise the next initiative will be that cheap." She teased.

"Next? Are there more?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "We're just getting started. I have a whole list of things the First Lady wants to accomplish."

"Any chance I could see what else is on that list?" He asked.

"Nope." She shook her head and chuckled. "I'm not telling. I only came to warn you about this one."

He moved from behind his desk to the front, leaning up against it. "You know, you didn't have to come and tell me. If you went through the proper processes, I would find out about it from others."

"I know."

"I think you just wanted to come see me."

She scoffed and shook her head at his statement. It was only partially true but there was no way she would admit that to him. "I came because it is professional to give a heads up about things like this. We have to find a way to work together and co-exist peacefully here. I know you didn't have a good working relationship with the previous Chief of Staff. I thought coming by would be a good way to make sure our working relationship starts off on the right foot."

"It is." He nodded.

Things were quiet between them for a moment. "Thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful, but it was unnecessary."

"I have to disagree." He said, taking a step closer to her. "They were very necessary. I had to do something to mark your first day."

He was being too charming. She could feel her defenses starting to lower as he got closer. He took another step, closing the gap between them.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

"I miss you, Donna." He admitted. "Can we just talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about." She told him. "I've said what I needed to about the First Lady's agenda."

"I'm not talking about work stuff."

"I know." She was fully aware of what he wanted to talk about, but didn't really want to do it right now. "But I have to get back to work. And you do too. Don't you have to call Joey and put together some kind of emergency poll to let you know that American's do in fact want to have access to vaccinations for all kids, regardless of their family income level?"

"Yeah, I guess I do." He sighed.

She took a step back from him. "Bye Josh."

"Bye."

A week later

Donna walked over to behind her desk, finding it weird to be in her office at night wearing an evening dress. But she wanted to make sure she had the numbers on the vaccination initiative firmly planted in her mind for tonight.

Tonight was a ball to celebrate the First Lady's birthday. While she didn't particularly want to go, she couldn't exactly bow out. She was expected to be there. Besides, there would likely be people there she needed to talk to about furthering the First Lady's agenda so maybe she could pretend it was a work thing instead of a fancy party she had to go alone to.

Although she knew she could have probably asked Josh to be her date. All she would have had to do was ask.

Ever since she went to his office a week ago, he was sending her notes. Every day when she got into her office there would be another sealed envelope with her name on it waiting on her desk. The first time it happened she immediately recognized his chicken scratch handwriting but shoved the note in her drawer because she wasn't sure she wanted to read it. It took her two hours of not being able to fully concentrate on anything because of the distraction before she opened it.

She opened the middle drawer of her desk and pulled out the notes she had received. He was certainly trying, but was it enough? She opened the first one again.

You don't seem to want to talk to me. I get it. I wasn't fair to you, and not just during our relationship. I wasn't fair to you when you worked for me either. I didn't give you the credit you deserve for everything that you have done and everything you are. I see it now and I want to fix it. I just hope you will let me.

It was nice to have him acknowledge that he wasn't being fair but she didn't know what to do about all of the attention he was putting on her. She wouldn't have pegged Josh for a romantic, but he was acting like one and it was certainly surprising her. She put the first note away and opened the second one.

I never congratulated you when you got the job with Children's Literacy Group. Instead, I made the whole thing about me. I could have and should have been more supportive about it. I see now that it hurt you. I didn't want to repeat my mistake when you got the job with the First Lady, which is one of the reasons I sent you the flowers. I'm glad you enjoyed them.

The third note was along the same lines as the others.

I also never congratulated you on all of the hard work that you did getting the amendment to the Veteran's Affairs bill passed. You worked hard and that hard work paid off. Although I didn't like the amendment, I was proud of you. I should have made sure you knew that.

The fourth note made her pause.

If I had to count all the times you were there for me with an encouraging smile, wink, touch, word or just overall look I would lose count somewhere around 1 million. Yet I didn't give you the same kind of support. I'm sorry about that. It wasn't fair.

The more notes she got, the harder it was not to go running back into his arms.

You haven't said anything about these notes. Hopefully you are reading them and not throwing them away.

The one she got yesterday made her mad when she read the beginning. It wasn't until halfway through that she melted.

Here's the truth. You aren't my equal. You never have been my equal and you never will be because the truth is you are so much better than I. I'm not trying to be self-deprecating. It is the truth. You are an amazing woman and a much better person than I am. I should have told you that more often. Maybe if I had told you or shown you that, we would still be together.

The one she got today stopped her in her tracks when she read it.

I'm so sorry. I get it. I really do. I see why you felt you had to break up with me. I wish I could be mad about it. I wish I could be angry with you. I wish I could hate you. But I can't. I love you too much. So I'm going to keep sending these notes until you either give me another chance or threaten me with a restraining order. I hope the former comes first.

She wanted to believe him, wanted to believe in him. She loved him too and she wanted to be with him. And he should know there was no circumstance conceivable to her where she would threaten him with a restraining order. A part of her was curious about how long he could keep up with this daily note thing. He was really trying and it was nice to hear him acknowledge that she wasn't crazy about some of the things she tried to tell him before they broke up.

She had thought about going to him and confronting him about the notes to see if he meant everything he was writing but was too afraid. She missed him and wanted to be with him. Could they make it work?

Everything was a mess but she didn't have time to think about it right now. She shoved the notes into her purse and then took one last look at the vaccination numbers before leaving her office.

Donna walked around the grand ballroom, smiling at the random politicians she saw. She had been at the party for over an hour. After checking in with the First Lady and the President, she made her rounds to the key players. It was important to make sure that they had support for not only the vaccination initiative but also the other initiatives the First Lady wanted to launch.

It was an impressive list that she compiled with the First Lady and very ambitious. It was going to be tough to get some of them passed in an election year. Still, she appreciated the First Lady having trust in her. It was nice to be a part of doing something good that she believed in and that she earned on her own.

Once she got past the initial shock of being offered the job, she realized that Josh didn't play any role in it. The First Lady had made that clear. So this was a job she got by herself. It made her more confident and was making it easier to do this job.

She grabbed a glass of champagne and smiled when she saw Sam walking towards her.

"Donna, you look wonderful." He smiled.

"Thanks." She smiled back. "You always look nice in your tux."

"It's one of my superpowers." He joked. "So how are you doing with the First Lady?"

"I'm doing well I think." She chuckled.

"Don't worry. I've only heard good things about what you are doing."

"That's good." She was relieved. "How are things going on that side of the office?"

"Well it's getting crazy with the campaign. But things are going well so far."

"Good." She couldn't help but notice Josh walking into the ballroom. Her eyes automatically found him and refused to let go, locking in on his location immediately. She couldn't help but be amused by his bowtie. He never could get it just right. It always seemed to be crooked on the left side.

It wasn't long until he looked over and their eyes met. She saw him smile and before she could stop herself she smiled back. Then she looked back at Sam, who had seen the whole thing.

"How is that going?" Sam asked.

"It's not." She shook her head.

"It could though." He pointed out. "It would take too much for the two of you to get back together."

"Is this an ad sponsored by the 'Get Josh and Donna back together campaign'?" She joked.

"No." Sam chuckled. "But I should go find CJ and get that started. I'm sure we could raise a bunch of money for a targeted ad campaign."

She looked and saw Josh was trying to make his way through the crowd to where she was. It made her start to panic. Sam looked and saw Josh on his way too. "If you will excuse me, I have to go…be anywhere other than here for a moment."

Sam just laughed and motioned for her to go.

She got away just in time before Josh was able to stop her. She felt bad about rushing off, but she wasn't sure what to say to him. He clearly wanted to get back together. She did too, but was it really a good idea? They didn't work out last time, barely lasting three months. What if they were just better at being friends and loving each other that way? What if a grand love story wasn't in the cards for them?

The ballroom was large. There were tons of people here. She mentally calculated a guess of how long she could keep dodging him tonight. Maybe if she kept moving, just like a shark. Maybe that would help. She downed the rest of her drink and kept moving.