Happy Thoughts

Chapter 12

Josh was disappointed when he reached Sam and realized Donna was long gone.

"You just missed Donna." Sam pointed out.

"Yeah, I know." He sighed.

"How's that going?"

"It's not." He shook his head. "I'm trying though."

"How so?"

He looked over at Sam. "Promise not to laugh?"

"I'll promise to do my best not to laugh." Sam chuckled.

He figured that was as good of a promise as he could get. "I've been leaving notes for her every day."

"Notes?" Sam asked. "You mean like love notes?"

"Kind of." He shrugged. "Just little notes to let her know what's on my mind and what I've realized about why our relationship didn't work."

"Do you think it is having any effect?"

"I honestly have no clue." He sighed. "I mean, you saw how fast she took off when she saw me coming. That can't be a good sign."

"But her eyes immediately found you as soon as you came in here." Sam pointed out. "She still cares about you."

"Hopefully."

"So about these notes…are they well written?"

He glared at Sam. "Of course they are! I may not be a speech writer but I know how to write."

"Just checking." Sam grinned. "You know, I could look them over for you if you want so that they pack more of a punch."

"No way. I'm not outsourcing this. It's too important." He shook his head. "Besides, don't you have a campaign speech to go write or something?"

"I'm taking the night off so my brain doesn't explode." Sam explained.

"I think it's too late for that, my friend." He slapped Sam on the back and then walked off. He wanted to go find Donna.

It took him four songs to find her. She was taking a moment to stare at the musicians on the stage so he walked up behind her. "So what do you think? Are these guys only allowed to play waltzes or is it the only type of music they know how to play?" He asked with a goofy grin on his face.

She turned and saw him, laughing at his comment. "I don't know. Maybe the First Lady loves waltzes and they have been commanded by the President not to deviate."

"Then I guess we should be glad the First Lady doesn't love movie musicals like Grease." He joked.

"I guess." She nodded. "But what's wrong with Grease?"

"Oh so many things." He joked before the grin left his face. "I think you've been avoiding me."

She just shrugged. "Maybe I'm just busy."

"Or you've been avoiding me." He persisted.

"Josh…"

"You know, you look absolutely incredible tonight." It was true. The red floor-length gown she was wearing made her look even more beautiful than normal.

"Thanks." She gave him a small smile. "You look nice too."

"Ah, any chimp can look good in a tux." He laughed.

"Here. Let me."

Before he knew what was happening, she was reaching over to fix his bowtie.

"You were a little crooked." She explained.

"Thanks." He grinned. That was something she had always done for him and it was nice to see that hadn't changed.

A new waltz started and he extended his hand to her. "Dance with me?"

She didn't immediately take his hand.

"Just one dance." He pleaded. "Please Donna? Then I'll leave you alone the rest of the night. I promise."

She nodded, taking his hand and letting him lead her to the dance floor. He put an arm around her waist and pulled her close as they danced to the song.

"I forgot how good you are at dancing." She commented.

"Well it has been awhile, hasn't it?" He chuckled. There was only one other time that he had danced with her, which was hard to believe.

"Yeah." She agreed. "It was the President's Inaugural Ball. It seems like a lifetime ago."

"Yes it does." He agreed. "Maybe we'll get to dance at his next one."

"Maybe." She nodded as they danced in silence for a moment.

"Donna…" He started to say something but changed his mind because he wasn't sure he had the courage to know the answer. "Never mind."

"What?" She asked. "Say what you were going to say."

He couldn't refuse her request and swallowed the nervousness he felt. "I was just going to ask if you had been reading the notes I've left you."

She didn't answer right away, making him even more nervous. What if she hadn't read them? What if she had and hated them? What if she was going to tell him to stop sending the notes?

"I have read them." She finally answered.

"And?" Now that he knew she read them, he had to know what her thoughts on them were.

"I'm not filing a restraining order." She grinned. "That's about all I can commit to right now."

His eyes lit up at her statement, his face replacing worry with hope. "I can live with that."

"Can I ask one thing though?" She asked quietly.

"You can ask me anything you want." He grinned.

"Did you really mean what you've written?"

There was hesitation in her voice, mixed with a tone of uncertainty. It was like she didn't know if she could trust him. He hated that she doubted him. "I do. I've meant every word I wrote." He promised. "If I could go back and change things I would. I'd do so many things differently. You were so right. I didn't treat you like an equal. But it wasn't because I thought less of you. I've been in awe of you for years. I'm just sorry that I didn't voice it before. And I am so proud of you, which is another thing I should have been telling you."

He was going to go on but the waltz ended. He had promised her that he would leave her alone after the dance was done. She looked confused when he let go of her.

"The deal was one song." He reminded her. It tore him up not to continue telling her everything that was in his heart, but a deal was a deal.

"Josh…"

Before she could go any further, Toby walked up to them.

"Oh hey Donna." Toby greeted before looking at him. "We need you for something about the campaign."

"Alright." He sighed, looking over at Donna. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Of course." She nodded.

He took one more look at her before leaving with Toby. If he didn't know any better, he would say that she looked disappointed he was leaving. Maybe there was some hope for them yet.

By the time they fixed the issue with the campaign, the party was winding down. He went back to the ballroom in hopes of finding Donna but she was nowhere to be found. So he went back to his office. He was going to get some work done but couldn't concentrate so he sat on his couch. He laid his head back and closed his eyes so that he could do the exercise Donna taught him.

His happy thought tonight was being able to dance with her tonight. Having her back in his arms, even if she wasn't his again, was magical and he loved it.

He tried to hold on to the feeling but was interrupted by a knock on the door. He groaned and kept his eyes closed. "What is it now?"

"Do you want me to come back another time?"

He immediately opened his eyes and stood up, looking over at Donna. "NO! No, stay."

"I didn't mean to interrupt you." She apologized. "What were you doing?"

"The visualization exercise you taught me."

She laughed. "You mean the one you called nonsense?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I've been doing it ever since you taught it to me."

"I never would have guessed that."

There was an awkward silence that filled the room. "So I tried to find you but I couldn't."

"Yeah." She nodded. "I left the party and went home. But I came back."

"Why did you come back?" He couldn't help but be curious.

"I forgot something important." She shrugged.

"Oh. Well it's easy to forget things."

"Yeah." She nodded. "The thing is though, that was a lie. I didn't forget anything."

He was confused now. "What are you talking about?" He took a good look at her and saw that she looked nervous. "What's going on? Donna, is everything alright?"

"No." She shook her head. "It's not and I'm getting tired of pretending it is. The truth is I should be on cloud nine right now. I have an amazing job that is fulfilling and actually matters. But it isn't enough for me. There's something missing and I know what it is. I reach out in the middle of the night and you aren't next to me. I come home at the end of the day and you aren't there. I pick up the phone to call you and then remember that I shouldn't. I miss you, Josh and I love you. I'm tired of pretending that I don't."

After hearing that admission, he closed the gap between them and immediately gathered her in his arms, placing soft kisses on her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck. They stayed there like that, kissing for a few minutes until she placed her head on his shoulder.

"I love you too." He whispered in her ear. "And I'm so sor…"

"If you say sorry one more time I'm going to hit you." She whispered, moving to look at him. "All I have really ever wanted was to know was where I stand with you. You've been really honest with those notes."

"I've meant every word." He promised.

"I know." She nodded. "I believe you and I don't want to be apart anymore."

He couldn't help but grin and start spinning her around in a circle. "You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that."

She giggled. "Probably not as happy as I am to be saying it."