Location: Attican Beta, Theseus System, SSV Normandy SR-1

We waited until the colonists awoke from their consciousness before heading back to the Normandy, they were incredibly thankful, particularly to Nate and I for restoring their water supply and clearing the geth from the tunnels.

Upon returning to the Normandy the Commander ordered everyone to get scanned and tested by Doctor Chakwas in order to see if the Thorian had any long term effects on us. As I hoped, none of us had any trace of Thorian spores in our blood or on our armour.

Feros showed me that there was another side to Nathan Anderson. From when I met him through every encounter I have had with him since he has shown he is a callous man. He lets nothing get in the way of his goal. He seemed more like a thug with a badge, than a protector of the galaxy. That was really the case when he allowed one of his former gang affiliates free on murder and armed robbery charges. I felt that humanity's first SPECTRE was the wrong person for the job. I thought he was going to perpetuate the stereotype of the angry, aggressive, human bully who the rest of the galaxy wishes would just go away.

However, what I witnessed on Feros was something completely different. He was so much more compassionate. He spoke to each individual colonist and he heard their stories. He sympathised with their situation, and by some miracle he managed to make them feel better about themselves.

He made sure that everyone was taken care of, he extended every kindness imaginable and he risked his life to help get Zhu's Hope functional again. I was even surprised that he let Shiala live. I doubt that he is one for second chances so I thought for sure he would kill her, but then he made the stipulation that her life depended on her willingness to help the colonists rebuild.

I could be more subtle about the fact that he was in my thoughts if I could stop staring at him. But I cannot, the juxtaposition of compassion and ruthless aggression had me intrigued. My interest in the Commander was also drawing the penetrating stare from Ashley.

"Commander? You look… pale. Are you suffering any ill effects from the Cipher?" I asked

"My brain's been scrambled like an egg! How do you think I feel?" he snapped.

"I might be able to help you. I am an expert on the Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours. Maybe we can make some sense of it"

"Nobody's messing with my head anymore! I'm sick of dealing with these visions!"

"I understand your reluctance, Commander. But the visions are already there. I only want to help you make sense of them. It may be the only way to stop Saren" I explained.

His nose and eye twitched at the thought of melding with me, he did not like the prospect and neither did I to be honest. The only people I have ever melded with were my mother and my cousins. My first melding with someone outside my family and even more so outside my species is going to be for something so… professional.

It will not be because it is with someone that I care about, but because it was necessary to complete a mission. All of those childhood fantasies about bonding with someone you truly love will come to nothing.

"Fine… let's just get this over with," he dismissed. And who said that romance is dead.

I could see the apprehension in his face when we stood from our respective seats and approached one another. He placed his hands on his stomach to prevent the rest of the room from seeing that they were trembling. I was the only one able to get a good look.

I saw the fear in his eyes a few hours ago when Shiala melded with him. Why does he fear it so? And an even better question, how did he know about the melding if he doesn't associate with other aliens?

"Relax Commander" I said before touching foreheads "Embrace eternity!"

~o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~

I have almost no idea what I am doing right now. Whenever I did this with my mother or my cousins, they would guide me about where to go to see certain memories or parts of the mind. But now I am going in blind and hoping to find the beacon.

This should not be as difficult as it was with them. They were hundreds of years old and they had many poignant memories so it was difficult to find what I needed. According to military records, Commander Anderson is only 29 years old so there should not be as many to navigate.

Now if my memory serves me right there is normally a part of the mind where the brain supresses certain memories. It would make sense that the Commander would repress the vision, it caused him quite a lot of stress and I doubt he likes the fact it is even in his mind.

I noticed that there were quite a few memories here. A lot of them involving either the Alliance or his gang the REDS. However, those are not my concern. I need to find his repressed memories. They should be near the bottom of this collection.

Repressed areas tend to be harder to gain access to, unless you are either experienced, or you are as strong willed as the person you are melding with. So I must be remarkably determined to stop Saren and my mother otherwise I should not be in this part of his mind.

I could not have been more wrong in my assumptions about his youth resulting in fewer memories. There are far more memories here than I could fathom. The only one I could recognise was the one of him, a few years younger than he is now.

He looked more or less the same, the only noticeable difference being that he had a shaved head then and he has a human military hair cut now.

He was sat outside, staring at the stars in his fatigues and not a weapon in sight. He was outside his tent by a camp fire set up by his Commanding officer. He has fond memories of him, Major Manual Rivera. He was from Eden Prime and popular with his troops and he often spoke of his children. He even confided in Nate about a daughter he had lost years earlier due to prenatal Eezo exposure.

Nathan was at ease with his place in life. He grew tired and eventually he fell asleep on the floor outside his tent. His last sight before sleep being the stars in the clear night sky. He felt far more at ease back in California and London than he did there.

He was woken up mere minutes later with the screams of Alliance personnel running away and the roar of an unknown creature. He jumped to his feet and to his horror there was a Thresher Maw in his midst. It was humungous, and its mouth was sizzling.

His horror was put on pause for a second we he felt the ground shaking and he saw some swells. Those swells turned out to be 2 other Thresher Maws, both slightly smaller than the one he had first seen.

The monsters began to massacre every Alliance soldier in the vicinity. Their acid spit and ability to get underneath people and eat them was proving to be an unfair advantage, allowing them to dispatch dozens of soldiers at a time.

The fear running through his body was palpable, however he was not petrified. He was thankful that he was a biotic so he could move better than everyone else. But he did not want to run away, he wanted to help out his fellow soldiers.

He picked up arms and started shooting at the Thresher Maws. Those bullets probably did little other than annoy the beasts. They turned their attention to anyone who shot at them and spat.

Nate's desire to live was astonishing. He was displaying exceptional physical ability in his strength and speed, attributes which I do not think most Asari ever achieve even after centuries of training and he was only in his early 20s. But his movement was awkward and unrefined, he obviously wasn't trained at all.

Nate began to panic. He was wearing no armour, he was tiring and there were only a few people left alive. Every tent was destroyed and corroded by the acid so he had nowhere to hide. All who remained were himself, Toombs, Rivera and Johnson.

"Everyone get out of here. There's no point in dying to them!" Rivera bellowed.

Even though Rivera wasn't a biotic, he could move even better than Nate due to experience and superior physical conditioning. They all ran into the wilderness hoping that the Thresher Maws would lose their trail. Unfortunately for Johnson, he was the slowest of the group so one of the Thresher Maws managed to catch him and eat him. His dying screams were shrill, loud and deeply disturbing.

"Holy shit. 48 top Alliance marines. All dead because of those bastards," Toombs muttered

"It's gonna be 51 if we don't get the fuck outta here" Anderson urged

"There was nothing we could do. There was no way of knowing that there were Thresher Maws here. This is the first time this planet has had any activity from those monsters," Rivera assured.

They were interrupted by the vibrations indicating that the Thresher Maw's were in pursuit and they were close.

"RUN!" Nathan yells.

After a few minutes of running they realised that they could not outrun the Thresher Maws. Nathan looks back to see that Toombs had broken away from us and he distracted 2 of the Thresher Maws. Whilst running he took a glimpse backward just in time to see Toombs get pulled underground by a Thresher Maw.

Nate's heart just drops upon seeing another one of his compatriots die. But the difference is that this one sacrificed himself to save him. But despite that, Nate continued to run forward. However, his run was disrupted by the final Thresher Maw appearing in front of him

"Listen to me Nate. You are only 19 and you're turning 20 in the next few weeks. Run"

"Fine but you're coming with me Major" Nate grabbed Rivera and ran before the Major could try and distract the beast.

The two of them ran into the forest to try and confuse the Thresher Maw. Nate stops to look back to see if they have lost the Thresher Maw. But Manuel kept going forward.

"Anderson, how's your amp fairing"

"I'm fine. I haven't used my biotics in a while so it's doing good," Nate responded.

"Nate… I have to warn you. There's a waterfall right behind this hedge"

"Why are you-?"

Manuel had pushed Nate through the hedge. It took Nate a few seconds to register exactly what had just happened to him. He looked back at Rivera and reached for him, even though he knew it was pointless the hope was still there. The sheer amount of dread and frustration Nate was feeling at the time is palpable. It was at that moment he realised that he was going to be the Sole Survivor.

All Nate could do was regain control of his descent and use his own biotics to land on the far end on the forest. He was fortunate enough to find that there were no thresher maws present on the other side.

He spent the next week or so in the wilderness, waiting for the Alliance to pick him up. They sent an inspection team to find out why they'd gone dark a few hours after the incident but they missed Nate, since he wasn't at the base camp.

Days later they sent another search team and it was by dumb luck that they had managed to find Nate as opposed to pronouncing his KIA along with the rest of his unit. Before they found him, they discovered that everyone was dead and they could not get an accurate body count because the Thresher Maws either ate or disintegrated a lot of the soldiers. But it was assumed that Major Rivera and Corporal Toombs were dead.

Nate underwent months of psychiatric evaluation and they found that he was perfectly fine after the incident. He had to push everything to the bottom, no matter what. Everything he could learn from he kept, anything that brought about pain with no purpose was pushed to the recesses of his damaged mind. But you cannot force everything to the bottom. Something always seeps through the cracks, something always gets away to keep the pain on your mind. But he had to show everyone he was fine, still himself and ready for action.

He had to get back to work, time off meant time to think, to reflect and he did not want that. He wanted to forget. He put serious consideration into re-joining the REDS just to make sure that he was always busy.

Then there was a voice recording Manuel had sent him in his last moments alive.

So that was the infamous Akuze incident which first put Nathan Anderson on the map. He managed to survive in a forest where there were not only indigenous predators lurking and an abundance of poisonous food he somehow managed to stomach; but there were also Thresher Maws in the mix.

That sort of determination cannot be taught, you have to be born with it. You are an incredible man Nathan Anderson.

No more getting side tracked I need to find this repressed beacon memory.

I continued to search for the beacon but I was painfully lost. I need to focus, mother always said that you could find what you wish to find most if you concentrated hard enough. I carried on swimming through his subconscious, hoping to find what I was looking for.

However, I was side tracked when I saw a cage filled with corpses and one little boy sitting in the middle of with human meat on his face and vomit beside him. There were tears falling down his face and desperately wishing for everything to go away.

Such horrors and atrocities at this scale should never occur. The memories I am witnessing are… disconcerting. I see a group of Batarians in smart clothing all sitting in a dining room which is lined with caged people. It was a slave auction. They were bidding on children as though they were antiques, possessions that have no say and they require an owner.

It's sickening to see them joking and laughing whilst this. There are people in cages, most damaged and beaten, covered in scars and barely nourished. Whereas these slavers are eaten a well cooked meal and discussing which of the imprisoned they wish to buy.

Nate is removed from his cage and thrown onto the table. They whip his back and tell him to stand up straight. They list his attributes and the bids began to fly. Laughter rang through the hall as though it was a happy occasion and all who weren't in cages were as merry as can be.

Nate gets dragged off by a Batarian family and he is soon followed by a host of children and adults. Each of whom had been purchased by them. A young girl is in tears whilst being dragged away in chains. They stopped her and shot her in the head. Which in turn prompts another young boy to scream and he too is then shot. After he's killed the others all get the message.

Nate's chest feels empty and he feels like throwing up. But he keeps his fear on the inside for fear of his own life. He knows that his life is no longer in his own hands and he dreads what's to come.

A chill ran down my spine after witnessing that. Why was Nate in that predicament to begin with? There are no records indicating that he was ever a slave, and I used my mother's information network. The torment he experienced must have been horrific, I know that Batarians have an especially strong cruel streak whenever it came to humans.

The memory flashed forward to an underground lair. There are 3 Batarian guards standing outside and they are raping on of the asari children. Her shrieks fell on deft ears and they even motivate the guards to thrust harder. That child must not be a day over 20 and she is being brutalised by these monsters.

"Remember we can't damage the merchandise. This is our last night with this one so we should enjoy while we can but we can't break anything"

One of them catches a glimpse of Nate and they spit at him. "Don't worry kid, we didn't forget about you. Once we're done with her. We're coming for you next. We'll leave you something to remember us by" he leered.

Nate looks at his biotic neutralising collar and wishing desperately for a way to remove it. The three guards approach Nate's cell with lecherous smiles and I pull away from that memory immediately.

There doesn't seem to be any memories before this point. But even amongst asari, there are weak memories of childhood. In his mind there are no traces of life before slavery.

The Batarian who… purchase Nate would… loan him out to others for… rent. The fact that these words were what he was thinking in regards to himself is appalling.

There were a multitude of houses he was sent to. The Turian in charge was running experiments on humans to test which torture method was the most effective. A Salarian scientist was performing experiments on humans to see how certain chemicals react with the human body on behalf of the Salarian Union, the Krogan who entered him in an illegal fight ring, the asari who used him as a sex slave, and they are only a very small fraction of what he has experienced. The sheer amount of memories he holds from his time in captivity makes me wonder how he ever functions.

However, there is one memory in this bunch which terrifies me more than anything else. In one of the asari homes he was sent to was a village on an unknown planet. Its inhabitants were all asari. For most men this would be their dream scenario. But I believe at that stage of his suffering, he must have been deathly afraid of aliens.

He was dressed with red, tribal markings on his…. By the goddess, they were going to sacrifice him. But for what purpose. He looked to the top of the steps to see an asari adorned in a golden dress, magnificent jewellery and she sat on a throne.

He stood in front of this asari. There was a stream of bodies on the floor leading to her. Nate looked down at them hopelessly. Each of them was wearing the same thing he was, and he aimlessly walked over the series of corpses. He had become completely desensitised to death.

She introduced herself as Samara and she said that she would introduce him to a world of pleasure beyond anything he had ever experienced before kissing him. She took pleasure in act of seducing him, however Nate was just empty and he didn't seem to care what she was doing to him.

Looking at the sea of corpses he realises that he's about to die.

That's an Ardat Yakshi. Goddess! Anderson must have been very lucky to have survived such an encounter. Someone had to have rescued him from this predicament.

Samara and Nate touched foreheads and she said an ancient asari mating prayer. During the melding, Nate felt a pain so disturbing that words can barely describe it. His nervous system was being overloaded and dominated by hers, and as a result he shook violently and fell dead at her lap.

That's impossible. He cannot be dead, otherwise how is he here today. It also gives reason as to why he was so fearful of melding.

Seconds later Nathan Anderson was getting up from Samara's lap and he looked at her expectantly. In reaction to his survival every asari bowed to the two on the throne.

Nate did not survive the encounter unscathed. He couldn't remember certain things afterwards. My guess would be the neural overload causes some neural pathways to be blocked or even removed completely. That would explain why he can't remember past a certain point in his life.

They melded twice more and each time he lost a little bit more of himself to the Ardat Yakshi. The third time they were interrupted by a Justicar interfering with the proceedings. The Ardat Yakshi ordered all of the villagers to attack the Justicar and hide her escape.

At the end of it only Nathan and a few other children escaped. The Justicar also introduced herself as Samara and she said that Ardat Yakshi uses different aliases to try and throw the real Samara off. The Justicar waited until the authorities had arrived to help the children before continuing her chase.

There is a blank in his memory. It's dark, nothing there. I don't understand what could possibly cause this to happen.

Next thing I can see in the sequence is him being picked up by a batarian ship. Within days Nate was back at his masters house and the abuse continued as though he had never left.

That's what else is so unsettling about all of this. These are vivid memories. I can see what he saw in perfect detail. This means he remembers this constantly, it must be almost impossible to get any sleep with these demons in your mind. Every detail, every word, every emotion felt is so raw that he can never forget this.

Eventually I managed to find the Prothean vision and I was able to see what it was that Nate had seen. The vision appeared incomplete. There was something missing. There must be a second part to this vision, another beacon which the Commander must get to if he's going to stop Saren and my mother.

Although the images and feeling of experiencing the vision were bad, the feeling was softened considerably by what I had just seen of Commander Andersons childhood.

~o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~ o~

Liara broke away from me and she stared at me. She looked disgusted and shocked by what she saw. The beacons vision can be pretty intense, I don't really blame her for being in the state which she's in. Witnessing death on such a scale can be incredibly disconcerting for a lot people.

"That was… unsettling. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so… intense. You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you've been though, what you've seen, would have destroyed a lesser mind," she praised. I got the feeling that she was talking about more than just the Prothean beacon.

"Come on. Get to the point. What did you see?" Williams snapped.

"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the vision are missing. The data transferred into the Commanders mind is incomplete"

I turned around and put my hands on my head and growled "Back to square fucking one again."

"Quite the opposite, Commander, I think my knowledge of the Protheans will prove useful before this is over," Liara defended.

"It had better be."

"I was able to interpret the data relayed through your vision. What was there, at least? But something was missing. Saren must seek the missing information. Maybe he's searching for another beacon, if we can find the missing data from your vision I can… Whoa!"

"Are you alright, Liara?" Rylee asked.

"I'm sorry. The joining is… exhausting. I should go to the medical bay and lie down for a moment"

"Are you sure it was the joining? I feel fine" I added

"Your role in our communion is passive. I am the one who must submerge myself in your mind. Drown myself in your thoughts. It's more difficult than it looks. The human subconscious instinctively resists the joining, Commander. A strong personality like yours makes it even harder"

"Everyone, dismissed"

"I've sent off the Feros report, Commander. You want me to patch you through to the Council?" Joker inquired

"Sure, maybe this time they might have something useful to say other than 'why couldn't you have done this differently'."

"50 creds says you're wrong," he bet. Maybe this is one of those opportunities for me to bond with my crew"

"You're on Flight Lieutenant. And if you lose, I'll take your cap"

"Not my favourite hat. It cost me 10 creds at the Alliance warehouse in Paris" he chuckled.

The Council holograms appeared before me. None of them looked impressed. Maybe I shouldn't have taken Jokers bet.

"Commander. Is this some kind of game? Are you calling in a report just so you can cut us off again," Tevos tested.

"It's quite simple. Don't piss me off and I won't disconnect you."

"You don't make demands on us Anderson. SPECTRE's answer to the Council. Not the other way around", Sparatus counted.

"You need to back off and let me do my job" I asserted. I hate micromanagement.

"Of course Commander. We received your files on Feros, things would have been much easier if ExoGeni had told you about the Thorian." Tevos said.

"You might have been able to capture it for study," Valern complained.

"Yes!" Joker cheered over the intercom, which caused me to face palm.

"Ignore that. And with all due respect Councillor Valern. I've seen how far Salarians have gone for science. There's no way I'd trust anything that dangerous with anyone. Not even the Council."

"Yes, short sighted as always. That's how you humans usually act. Why should we expect any different," Sparatus spewed more of his racist rhetoric.

"The Thorian enslaved and killed innocent civilians. Or does that not matter to you because their human. Well, Councillor" I challenged. I'm sick of aliens thinking they can walk all over humanity and treat us any type of way.

"Perhaps it's for the best then. At least the colony was saved," Tevos smiled.

"Of course it was saved. Anderson would go to any lengths to help a human colony" Sparatus interjected.

"Go FU-" I was about to finish the sentence before Joker cut the line.

"Whoops, lost the connection sir, sorry. But on the bright side, I'm fifty credits richer"

David and Udina aren't going to be happy about this one.