Location: Serpent Nebula, Widow System, Citadel, Upper Wards

Of all the boneheaded, self-destructive, selfish, ignominious, imbecilic, imperceptive and just downright stupid things the Council have said or done. Nothing has been as detrimental to their own survival as grounding my ship and not sending anyone to Ilos.

That idiot Udina is so concerned with kissing up the Council for his own reputation, that he doesn't realise we're all screwed if Saren manages to bring the Reapers back. If Sovereign is as tough as what I've seen in these visions, then we need to do everything possible to stop the rest of his kind from returning.

The Normandy was locked down and I was given explicit orders to not board the ship, and for added measure they had her clamped down. The crew were free to stay aboard, and the majority did since they didn't have places on the Citadel. That's good, since it means when I figure out a way off this station, we'll be ready to leave immediately.

The wards are louder than they usually are, even for the market place this is noisy. The commotion is coming from the floor above. Morlan tried to get me to buy more of his gear but I refused, instead taking an interest in what had people so incensed.

I reached to top of the steps, and a small crowd was dispersing from around the podium near the clinic where I saved Dr Michel. Everyone walking away looked furious, frustrated and flummoxed at what they had experienced.

Amid the crowd passing me by, I felt a hand grab my forearm. "Commander Anderson!" the man shouted.

There stood a slim, blonde human with a goatee struggling to get through the crowd, and he was using my arm as an anchor. "Commander Anderson!" he

I pulled myself and the man out of the crowd. "Who are you?"

He had this giddy, deranged look on his face ever since I acknowledged him and it was really creeping me out. "You're Commander Anderson, first Human SPECTRE and Hero of Eden Prime. I am so honoured to meet you!"

"You haven't answered my question," I scowled. Just what's his angle.

"My name is Conrad. Conrad Verner. They say you killed more than 100 geth on Eden Prime!" he exclaimed again. This is no ordinary man, he's hiding something.

"I didn't keep count. What do you want?" I said. He's still smiling even though I'm being intentionally rude to him. That's not normal, everyone else either would have insulted me or at least glared at me. But with him it's nothing.

"Hey, I know you're probably busy, but do you have time for a quick autograph."

Autograph? That can't be all this guy is after. No one just comes up to me and asks for an autograph. "What for?"

"You're a hero Anderson, decades from now people are going to remember you and I'm going to have your picture," he hummed.

Did the Council send him? No way they wouldn't send a human to do everything. Maybe he's one of Udina's cronies sent to make sure I'm still on the Citadel or his spy to check up on me. I've seen him before outside Rylee's apartment block. Or the Alliance keeping an eye on their SPECTRE.

Either way this guy is not what he appears to be. There's no way anyone could be this… creepy and drunkenly happy naturally. Maybe this is an act, trying to get me to drop my guard by acting like this. If I wasn't on guard then I might have fallen for it.

"No, I don't feel like it," I stood defiantly. Let's see what he does about that.

"Please Commander," he pleaded, tugging at my shirt sleeve "I need this. A picture of you would mean the world to me," he said on the verge of tears. I looked around me and I noticed that people were intentionally avoiding looking at the situation.

There's no way anyone would behave like this, whoever he works for must be paying a lot if he's willing to make a fool out of himself like this.

"Come on man, have some pride," I growled.

A small crowd started gathering around us to see the show. Some began snickering at the situation and a few even began reaching for their recorders.

"Fine I'll sign whatever, just stop making an ass out of yourself," I capitulated. He reached for a pen and offered a rolled-up piece of paper that had my face on it. I scribbled what I thought an autograph would look like on it and pushed it into his chest.

"Get out of here," I warned. I can't believe this idiot just managed to embarrass me as well as himself. At least he's going to leave me alone from now on.

"Having some trouble Nate?" Rylee chuckled.

"Glad you find this amusing."

"Your first fan, I'm almost jealous."

"You can have him."

"Naah I think I'll stick to being one of the little people. Just make sure the fame doesn't change you."

"Very funny Shepard. Where's Liara, I thought she was with you?"

"Whilst you were dealing with the Council, I helped her with organising a funeral for Benezia and things surrounding it."

"How could you help with that?"

"Umm… uh… Kaidan -uh… Kaidan and I helped out Consort Sha'ira with a problem. She owed a favour so this is how I chose to cash it in," she said. Talking about Kaidan is still tough for her, we need to have a long talk about that but now isn't the time.

"I left her with the Consort and spent some time with Garrus at his place, so I don't-"

"Nathan, Rylee" speak of an angel and she shall appear. Liara began her ascent up the stairs towards us.

But before we could talk to her we all heard a small group of people shouting as loud as they could.

"Aliens off Earth!", "No blood for aliens"

"Throw the appeasers out!", "Earth first!"

That immediately grabbed all our attention as another crowd had begun to form around a group of humans. They continued their chants of earth first and anti-alien rhetoric. This seems like the sort of thing some of the REDS might have been interested in back when I ran with them. Hell, I probably would have joined them a few months ago.

"I thought we dispersed them but it looks like we missed a few." A C-Sec officer noted. "OK folks nothing to see here. Go about your business as usual"

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

Location: Serpent Nebula, Widow System, Citadel, Flux

I hate clubs like this. They had their appeal when I was younger but now it's just annoying. The songs are the same and the alcohol just gives people an excuse to do what society would normally think is unacceptable. Rylee was talking to one of the waitresses and the bartender. They didn't seem close, more like she was checking up on them than anything else.

"I'm glad you came, Nathan. I heard what happened." David shouted over the music. Soon after I met Rylee and Liara I got a call from David to meet him in Flux.

"Fucking bureaucrats, more concerned about saving face than saving lives."

"I know, I'm sorry. I tried to warn you, but there was no way to get a message to you before you docked. I know your pissed off right now, but you can't give up. They all think this is over, but we both know it's not. You have to go to Ilos. You have to stop Saren from using the Conduit."

"The only way we'll pull that off is if we get to the Normandy. It's the only ship that gets us into the Terminus System undetected," I added.

"Citadel controls locked out all the Normandy's systems. But if we override the ambassador's orders we can get them to bring the Normandy back on-line. You can be in and out of the Terminus Systems before anyone even knows you're gone."

"But if the Normandy is stolen, then you will end up taking the blame," Liara argued.

"And if Saren finds the Conduit, life as we know it is over. The Reapers will destroy us. Humans, asari, everybody! You're the only one who can stop him Nathan. So, I'll do whatever it takes to get you on the Normandy and off this station."

"Stealing the Normandy is mutiny. What if the crew won't help me?"

"Nate, our entire crew will gladly follow any orders you give. You have our absolute trust and we'll follow you to the ends of the galaxy," Liara said passionately.

"She's right Nate. Especially if it's what we've been striving for since we started following you." Rylee added.

"So, what's the plan"

"I can unlock the Normandy from one of the consoles in the Citadel control centre. You'll have a few minutes before anyone realizes what happened."

"That is a restricted area patrolled by armed guards. How are you going to get in?"

"Leave that to me. Just make sure you're in the Normandy when the systems come back online" he stressed.

"I don't like it. You're going to be gunned down before we can leave the Citadel, there has to be a better way," I countered.

"Udina did issue the lockdown order. If I can hack into the computer in his office, maybe I can override it."

"He won't let it slide, Captain. You'll be charged with treason, a capital offense," Rylee warned.

"We don't have a lot of options. I break into the ambassador's computer, or I take my chances with the patrols in Citadel control."

"Nate, what about your Syndicate?" Rylee hoped.

"I tried to contact them. Udina had RED Security shutdown and Aldis is in custody on shit charges. Outside of them, I don't have any real presence on the Citadel," I explained. "Go to Udina's office, we'll be on the ship in 20."

"Good, he made this personal. Tell Joker and the crew to standby."

"Already done," Rylee said as she tapped away at her omni-tool.

"Be careful David."

I just hope that this goes off without a hitch. The last thing we need now are more problems.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

"Nate, there's a problem. Udina is having his things moved to another office, his terminal isn't here." David said alarmed at how events were unfolding.

"Shit there has to be another way off the Citadel."

"There is," David began. "It's too late for me to reach the controls, so one of your crew has to stay behind and release the docking clamps."

"Are you kidding, C-Sec would be on our asses and they'd be exposed to gunfire the entire time."

"We don't exactly have a lot of options at this point."

"Nope, I know another way. It'll take another 15 minutes and it's safer than being out there exposed to potential gunfire. I can get access to traffic control, from there I can unclamp the Normandy but C-Sec is going to notice straight away."

"Isn't that a bad thing Rylee," Joker interjected

"They won't know immediately that the Normandy is unclamped, but they will know where I am and when they see it's me… well even C-Sec is smart enough to put 2 and 2 together." Rylee said.

"No, Rylee we need you on Ilos." I argued.

"What you need is to get to Ilos by any means necessary. If I have to stay behind then so be it, but you need to stop Saren."

Dammit she's right. Any other solution would require time we don't have and increases the chances that someone could stop us.

"Hurry and get these clamps off. I promise you I'll make this up to you," I promised.

"Just make sure you stop the bastard. For Kaidan," she offered her hand out to me.

"For Kaidan," I agreed, taking her hand into mine.

The rest of the combat crew nodded in agreement, and Rylee replied by waving them goodbye. Then she ran from the Normandy and turned right to the elevator.

I sighed knowing that this could be the last time we ever see each other. Ilos is going to be crawling with Geth, and now we don't have the Salarians to provide numbers so it's going to be even worse than Virmire.

"Get to your stations. Garrus, I want that MAKO perfectly calibrated. Wrex, Ashley make sure every one of our weapons are working and functional. Tali, report to Adams and make sure the stealth drive is operational. Joker, ready the PA."

"Aye, aye," the pilot replied.

I approached the mic nervously. It's not often I let my nerves reach the surface, but there's an air of finality about this moment. I know this is the last battle with Saren and one of us is going to be dead in the next few hours, yet that unsettles me. I've never particularly worried about dying before my missions. I never put much thought into it, if I die, I die. But now, I feel my stomach churn at the thought of my death. It's pissing me off.

I looked over to Liara, she stayed behind while everyone went to their stations. Just looking at her makes me feel easier about the situation. She offered me a meek smile of acknowledgement, telling me that she is here.

Thinking of my death makes me sick, thinking of Liara's… anyone who hurts her will feel pain that you couldn't even conjure up in your worst nightmares. Death will be a mercy that I'm too kind to give them.

"Listen up everyone, in the next 20 minutes this bird is going to fly and we're headed to Ilos and the Conduit. Everything we've done since I became a SPECTRE has built up to this and I can honestly say that if even one of you was missing, we wouldn't be where we are at this moment. It's been an honour serving with every one of you. And when we send Saren and his geth to the void, the last thing he'll hear is our cheers and Sovereigns scream!" I declared to a rousing applause and cheer.

"Very nice Commander, you know you really have a knack for public speaking. Maybe once we've kicked Saren's ass, you could do politics and show them how to make real change," Joker japed.

"Bit of a step down, going from kicking ass to kissing it don't you think," I smiled. "Besides if I had Udina's job I would have killed the Turian Councillor a long time ago."

"Yeah, I'm not entirely sure where they'd fall on that, but my gut says not too good."

"Good instincts."

"Hey just say the word and I'll slap him for you."

"Won't that break your hand?"

"Yeah but then I could sue him Commander. Being an ace Alliance Pilot doesn't exactly pay much."

"Get us through this and I'll pay for you to go anywhere in the Galaxy. You've earned it."

"Awesome, now I can add paid vacation to galactic survival and avenging Kaidan on the list of reasons I want to stop Saren."

I spent the next 15 minutes in the cockpit with Joker, speaking and monitoring all the systems to make sure we were ready, and the entire time my fears remained. I managed to table them to make that speech, but they just won't go away. What's wrong with me?

My train of thought was interrupted by the light suddenly flashing green, Rylee did it.

Location: SSV Normandy SR-1, en-route to Ilos

I made my usual rounds of the crew. Pressly was excited to do this, same applied to Tanaka and Adams. We all knew this was a Court Marshall offense but we didn't care. It was for the sake of the galaxy.

The Combat crew all opted to ready themselves in private. There's nothing I can say to them now that I haven't said before. And we all have ample reason to fight Saren. Best for me to spend this time readying myself in my quarters.

Unsurprisingly when I went to Liara's space she wasn't there, meaning she's in my quarters. My guess was right, since I found her sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Nathan? May I speak with you?"

"I was just thinking about you."

"I was just thinking about you too. And what we are about to face. I do not know what is going to happen on Ilos. I hope we will stop Saren, of course, but part of me fears we are already too late. There is something I must tell you, in case we fail."

"I don't plan on failing."

"Please… I am not looking for comfort. Saren might already have the Conduit. It is time to be completely honest with each other."

"Okay,"

"These could be our last moments together. Our last chance to show each other how we feel. I want this to be special."

A chill ran down my spine when she said those words. I know exactly what she means, I know what she wants to do but… can I actually go through with it. I know she's a virgin who's scared to die, so this could be her last chance to have sex but…

"Um…" I stuttered. The few times I've done so in the past has led to me hurting my partner. I've never killed anyone, but I've badly bruised them, in one case I fractured her shoulder, but Liara doesn't know that.

"I also know that your experience with sex has been horrific, so I want you to know that's not what I'm looking for," she countered before I could deflect the question.

"Then what do you mean by special?" I wondered.

"I want us to meld. But not in the way we've done so in the past. I want us to truly become 1."

"What does that mean? I thought our melding was the only way to do it."

"No this is different. When I melded with you in the past I looked into your mind. A true union is one where our minds are one. Like when two rivers flowing separately converge and become one stream. Our nervous systems become intertwined and we lose ourselves in another. Memories and emotions weave themselves together, becoming a single, rapturous whole. It is unlike any other experience. In some cases, it can be a truly life-changing event," she explained.

"Wow, that does sound special," I replied leaving it open ended, desperately trying to find a way out of this. That's what the woman posing as Samara told me.

"It is a connection that transcends the physical universe," she declared and for a split second I could remember what the woman posing as Samara said with perfect clarity

#######

I was dressed by some weird ceremonial garb, my face and chest marred with red body paint. The colony leader had bought my life outright, meaning they didn't care if she killed me or not. An asari monster was perched on a thrown wearing golden dress and jewellery alike. She smiled at me predatorily, lusting to have her newest meal. The sea of dead bodies leading up to her was haunting, especially since they had the same clothing and markings as me. I don't know whether it's because of the conditions I was raised in, but the smell of dead bodies didn't bother me in the least, in fact it made it feel more familiar.

"Uma thr'ais t'rala Ardat-Yakshi," the other asari chanted as I approached their ruler.

The closer I got to the fake Samara the quicker my stride, something about her presence made me want to be with her, but I resisted, her very being was like the drugs the salarian flooded into my system, pulling me in but as with the scientist I resisted with every fibre of my being.

Why am I fighting this? Is it because I fear my death? But why should I live?

Every day I awake to the screams and tears of my fellow slaves. I am abused, raped, beaten, shocked, poked and experimented daily or I get worked to exhaustion. Why would I fight to keep that existence?

Death is my only true liberation from this cursed life. I should embrace it with both arms and finally find peace.

I took my place besides the ruler before she lead an asari prayer.

"I am going to introduce you to a world of pleasure beyond anything you could ever experience," she said before kissing me.

"We are going to form a bond so great that it transcends even the physical universe. Embrace Eternity!"

Those were the last words I heard before our foreheads touched. The pain she caused me was indescribable. An electrical pulse was sent through my body, frying everything to its core. At first it felt amazing, euphoria and ecstasy at a level I couldn't fathom. But then my skin felt like it was on fire, my lungs felt like they were filled with acid, my heart was on the verge of exploding out of my chest, then the cold set in.

My fingers and toes felt numb but pricked. My ribs were bitten by a tundra like cold, my heart shrank, my thighs shattered, my nails rippled.

Then my senses were in a state of disarray. I could no longer see things as they were, colours were in the wrong place, I could taste threw my skin, I could smell through my tongue.

My brain was beginning to shut down. Memories were fading.

But unfortunately, I was still alive…. And I had to endure another two times.

#######

I shook my head violently, in a pathetic attempt to shake the memory off. No never again. I can't do that to myself ever again.

"I… I can't Liara," I panted. I backed myself against the wall and slid to the ground biting my own fist. Pain…. Yes, this pain is real… I'm not back there anymore.

"I'm sorry Nathan, I shouldn't have brought this up," she apologised, slowly approaching me.

"Stay back!" I hollered. "I don't want to hurt you," I warned.

Come on what the fuck. I made so much fucking progress ever since Liara found out. Why am I acting like a rabid animal now? If there was anyone in this galaxy I could trust with anything it's her. She deserves an explanation. We only have an hour until we reach Ilos, if we're going to do this it's now. But can I handle it.

"Back when I was a slave… I was sent to an asari colony. They tried to kill me. They used a knife to carve a symbol into my arm, then they marked my face and body with the blood they extracted from the symbol. Then they sent me to this woman… she was surrounded by dead bodies… I melded with her and um… it was horrible, it damn near killed me," I confessed.

"That's the most pain I've ever been in and the thought of voluntarily doing it makes me sick," I continued. I wanted to die, but instead I was tortured. Torture resistance training in N7 was nothing compared to what that thing did to me.

"Nathan… I saw that memory. That thing you melded with is an Ardat-Yakshi. She suffers from a genetic disorder which means whenever she melds with anyone, her nervous system overpowers theirs. It normally kills the person with whom they meld whether it's a true union or not. And the fact that I never did that when we melded is proof that I'm not one of them."

"Well…" I sighed

"I'm sorry that I suggested it. I shouldn't be upsetting you so close to the most important mission of your life," she said regretfully. I looked at her eyes and try as she might, the disappointment was clear as day. She really wants to do this.

This means everything to her.

She's been through a lot in just the past day let alone the last few months. She's had to battle the idea of killing her mother and she barely brought it up. She's been dealing with that herself and me being so self-absorbed with my own problems I never asked her until moments before we fought her.

And she's listened to my confessions and problems ever since Talitha. She has always tried to help me deal with whatever I was feeling, always trying to ease my nerves, my anger, my feelings about my past. All while battling the thought of killing her own mother.

I was such an asshole to her when she joined and remembering how I treated her makes me wince. I treated her like scum, rubbish that needed to be disposed of. But she's proved to be so much more. She's become the best thing in my life, and she's never asked me for anything. Yet all I ever do is ignore her pain. I always put it off and decide the mission is too important.

Well it's time for that to change.

If there is one person I can trust in this universe with my mind and body it's Liara.

I'll table my apprehension for her. I'll let her in my mind. But maybe we shouldn't get physical. I'm afraid I could hurt her like I did the others.

"No, Liara I trust you. Let's do this. Let's meld," I declared.

She didn't question it. I don't think she wanted to give me a way out. She offered me a smile that told me, thank you I need this. I kissed her gently and brought her down to the bed. When we broke she had the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen on her face.

"As long as I live, I will always try to make you smile the way you do now," I whispered.

"And as long as I live, I will make you feel loved," she whispered.

She scooted up so our foreheads were touching. "Are you ready?" she asked, to which I nodded.

"Embrace Eternity!" she proclaimed, her eyes became a familiar black, but I fought my instincts.

~x~x~x~x~x~

The next thing I knew I was in the middle of space, holding Liara in my arms in front of a blue sun.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Our shared conscious. Our space."

There wasn't much here beyond the blue sun. But the atmosphere was serene and calm. It smelt like freshly cut grass and morning dew. I could feel a cold breeze wash over my face, gently caressing my skin. The air was cold but it wasn't bitingly so, yet it was refreshing.

In the distance, I could see the outline of a man in front of a swing set, his arms leaning against the upper frame. The image was slowly getting clearer and it became clear that the man was well built. What also became evident was how at peace and happy he was, portrayed by his bright grin.

Then two children ran cheering in excitement towards the swing. They began to argue about who could go on the swing set even though there were two. Maybe they were arguing over who the man would push, I couldn't make out what they were saying. The boy was clearly older than the girl, and I'm guessing that's a father taking his son and daughter to the park.

Unsurprisingly the father began pushing the daughter, causing the son to cross his arms in a tantrum. The children's faces began to come into focus the more I looked at them. The similarities between the father and son were uncanny, but those with the daughter were less so. The girl looked very familiar to me.

The son looked eerily familiar. His complexion, his eyes, his cheeks, his nose… that's me.

But I don't ever remember that. No matter how hard I try, I don't remember anything for my capture. I don't remember ever going to a park and playing on swings with my family…

My family...

I had a family…

A sister… a father…

I don't want to see this anymore and in the blink of an eye the picture disappeared.

~x~x~x~x~x~

"Nathan, you control this space too, I can't see anything you don't want me to see. And you don't have to see what you don't want to remember," she explained, before pointing into the distance.

Then we spent a long time looking at Liara's memories. She showed me her family gatherings, her graduation from Serrice University, her nieces birthday parties, some of her most intimate moments with Benezia and more.

~x~x~x~x~x~

A young, toddler Liara wearing a hardhat flak jacket and omni-tool toy running through across the grass in a park. The hardhat and jacket was slightly oversized, which tells me it wasn't hers. She had a plastic spade in her hand. She was struggling to run with all on her hands, and the hardhat occasionally going over her eyes.

She settled on a spot in the park and started digging. There were kids in the park running around playing with each other but none approached Liara, some of the parents looked at her with untrusting eyes.

The instant she started digging they scoffed and turned away from her, and Liara could tell they didn't like her. It hurt her but she wouldn't let that stop her from having fun.

She continued digging and made some good progress. She stopped then she hit a rock. She picked it up and grabbed her omni-tool toy.

"This is Dr Professor Liara T'Soni. I've found something huge. The protheans left this artefact for me to find. There are going to be more. A Doctor Professors work is never done," she said in a news anchor voice.

Before she could continue, she was yanked by her arm onto her feet painfully.

"What do you think you're doing? This park is for everyone and you think you can just do whatever you like," the woman seethed. She was a parent. The other asari adults looked at her approvingly.

"I am playing archaeologist."

"Well just play normal games like the rest of the kids here. Goddess!" she said in an exasperated tone.

"B-but, this game is fun. And the other kids don't-"

Before Liara could finish her sentence, another asari grabbed the parent by the arm. "Unhand my daughter this instant," Benezia snarled.

"Matriarch Benezia, control your brat. She's such a bother."

"Firstly, T'Suzsa if my daughter is causing trouble, you tell me about it and I'll handle it," Benezia countered.

"We wouldn't have to deal with her ourselves if you're parenting skills matched your ability as a leader," T'Suzsa rebuffed.

"And if you ever lay your hands on my daughter again, or if she ever comes to me crying because of something you said to her. Then no goddess will ever forgive me for the pain and punishment I inflict on you," Benezia threatened. "The same applies to any of the other banshees you call friends," she spat.

T'Suzsa was so gripped with fear that all she could do was nod. Benezia was an unusually powerful biotic so she wasn't to be trifled with.

Then she turned to Liara, concern evident in her eyes. "Are you alright?"

Liara nodded. "We need to have a talk about you playing archaeologist in the park when we get home. But as soon as the stores open tomorrow, I am going to buy you some history books. Let's see if we can transfer some of that enthusiasm into something productive."

~x~x~x~x~x~

The images disappeared and again it was just us and the blue sun. Everything in this space really is shared. Including our emotions, because I could feel everything as Liara had felt it. I could feel her love and admiration for Benezia, her fear of T'Suzsa and the pain of being neglected by other children. There was also the pain of Benezia's loss. I didn't know she felt this much pain.

"Liara, thank you for showing me this. Can I show you something?"

"What is it?"

I brought my lips close to hers but I didn't let them touch. "Can you feel that?" I whispered. I really hope emotions here work the way I think.

She nodded, and soon I was enveloped by a warm, comfortable feeling. Soon after I felt a sense of pleasure spreading through my body. It was intense but not disconcerting, almost like a when I used to take vidilicet, but without the sting. It was amazing, like nothing I had ever felt before and it was ours.

Whilst we were in our space, away from the troubles and problems of the galaxy. Freed from the stress and responsibility of this arduous, thankless mission we share only a few words. Words that captured the essence of that moment and this warm feeling.

"I love you."

AN/

Sorry for the sporadic updates.

I'm 99% sure that the next chapter is going to be the last one and it's told from mostly Rylees POV. I'd rather focus on elements not covered in the game, I'm more motivated to do that than just rehash things we all already know happened. It's going to be filled with cameos of characters introduced in future mass effect games and the good thing is I've already written a good portion of it.

There's also going to be a sequel that covers parts of the two year interval between ME1 and ME2 and I've also written some of the 1st chapter.

Thanks for reading this far. Tell me what you think so far.