Have you ever seen Band of Brothers?

No what's it about?

Hayes stared at his PADD waiting for Reed to reply, trying to quash the hope that it was a movie, and that Reed was going to ask him to watch it with him. He'd asked him to watch one last week, and Hayes had ended up staying two hours after it the credits rolled, just talking with Reed. He kept making Hayes laugh, and he'd smiled more than Hayes had ever seen him. He hadn't wanted to leave but he had to when he realised that it was past midnight and he had to run PT in the morning. For all of his aloofness when on duty, Reed was pretty sweet when you got to know him. He'd been all business when they'd first met, and seemed totally unflappable and hypercompetent, having memorised MACO protocols and had made Hayes feel insecure for only skimming Starfleet's. He'd thought that the mission was mainly going to be the Armoury Officer showing, or trying to show up the intellectually inferior MACO Major; until after they'd launched and preparations had calmed down and the Starfleet folks looked like they were actually getting enough sleep, and Reed had awkwardly offered him a biscuit and a cup of coffee and told him that he normally took breaks around ten thirty and fifteen thirty if possible, and would the major like to join him?

He'd looked so self-conscious that Hayes hadn't had the heart to say no; he'd quickly realised that Reed wasn't too confident socially. In the armoury? Sure. On the bridge? Unstoppable. Being sent down to a strange planet to negotiate for supplies with Hoshi? Those two could haggle like nobody's business. But trying to get to know Hayes's team and Hayes himself? He'd been a little awkwardly friendly for the first few days, but it seemed like he was making the effort to connect; but then he'd been dragged out of the closet by his hair, and the Twinkie incident happened, and Reed had clammed up. He'd turned cold, aloof, and a complete hardass, and tolerated nothing but shop talk in the armoury after that. He still insisted that everyone make sure they take breaks but he'd stopped inviting Hayes specifically, and was a lot less tolerant of them in his space. Hayes's heart skipped a beat at the reply a moment later.

TV series from the twenty-first century about the American 101st airborne division in WW2. It's my favourite series I was going to rewatch the first episode do you want to come to my quarters and watch it with me?

Hayes counted to five minutes before replying Sure. What time? Looking at his watch, he saw that it was nineteen forty-five.

Fifteen minutes? I need to polish off some paperwork

Hayes messaged back immediately. I'll bring the popcorn

He quickly changed into a clean T-shirt and then just stood in his underwear trying to decide between pajama bottoms, or his dark grey sweatpants. Maybe his jeans? It had been a surprise to find out that all of the Fleeters had civilian clothes with them in the Expanse, and they sometimes wore them when off duty. He remembered that Reed had that one grey jacket that went so nice with his eyes…

Just decide on something Hayes. This was ridiculous; he was not a teenager getting ready for a date, he was a forty-six year old man who was about to watch a movie with his boss/friend/pain-in-the-ass. Who was fifteen years younger than him. And was not interested in him that way. And was going to start wondering where he was, if he didn't decide on a God damn pair of pants and go get the stupid popcorn.

He'd decided against the jeans, they weren't comfortable enough to just lounge on Reed's bed in. You could take them off when you get there… Hayes told that voice to stuff it. Last time Reed had asked him to watch a movie with him he'd worn his uniform, only to turn up and see Reed was in his pajamas. He could wear his own pajamas. But then he'd have to walk back through the ship in his pajamas, and while the Fleeters had no problem with doing that – Hoshi had a lot of Hello Kitty stuff; Cohen was a very proud Hufflepuff; Archer had a thing for cotton plaid and fluffy slippers – Hayes wasn't quite comfortable wandering around in his PJs. Sweat pants it was, he could pretend he was on his way back from the gym. But should he really wear this T-shirt? It was plain white, it didn't really do anything for him. Not that he needed to be focused on how he looked right now; why did he need to impress Reed? He was still a fucking pain in the ass, constantly sniping at him and arguing. Well, it was more good natured teasing now, but still. There was nothing between him, Reed did not see him like that, he did not need to change into his maroon Under Armour because it brought out his green eyes and accentuated his biceps, he was changing because it would look like he was coming back from the gym. That was it.

Should he wear the pull over, or zip up hoodie? He really needed to talk to his sisters, Piper or Harper. The bizarre image of him showing up at Mac's quarters to get her to help him to decide what to wear for a not-date with Reed entered his mind and he had to chuckle at it; and immediately became a little sad, when he realised that he didn't really have anyone onboard to bounce outfit ideas off of.

No, he told himself sternly. You have friends onboard, you could probably broach the topic with them over lunch or something; for fuck sake Reed just asked you to spend a couple of hours with him to watch his favourite movie; they want you here; calm the fuck down, Hayes.

There; he'd done his CBT for the day.

He eventually decided on his olive green hoodie, because he looked damn good in green and it matched his Under Armour; and he was dressing for his own self esteem right now, not because Reed would appreciate how he looked in it. And realistically, with Reed's sense of fashion he probably wouldn't. He had two nice jackets that Hayes had seen, but none of his jeans fit him properly and most of the colours he wore just washed out his very pale face. Maybe he'd want to go shopping with Hayes when they got back to Earth…

He checked the clock on his desk – a green Lego brick that Reed had gotten him for his birthday last month – and with a start realised that it was almost twenty hundred. The popcorn. He grabbed his zip up hoodie and ran out the door and to the empty galley, made a bag of microwave popcorn and grabbed a bar of chocolate from the pantry, and practically ran to Reed's quarters.

"You're very tardy, major," Reed said as he took the candy from Hayes and stepped back to let him in. He was dressed in his PJs as Hayes had predicted, and was barefoot. He had a lot more decoration in his quarters than Hayes did; the shelf above his bunk was full of books, mainly classic eighteenth century literature, and a few history books. There was a stack of YA novels on his desk that Hayes knew he passed around with Hoshi, Cutler and a couple of others on board; on one end of his shelf was his chess board, while on the other was a picture frame that alternated between a picture of the entire bridge crew; Reed and Archer; Reed and Tucker; Travis and Hoshi; Reed, T'Pol, and Phlox; and Reed's armoury team; and there was the pencil sketch of Porthos on his closet door, and a couple more of tall ships dotted around. The Captain actually had a watercolour of Enterprise in his ready room – he'd found out a few months ago that the Captain had seen Reed working on it in the rec room, and had asked for it. Oh, yeah, the Captain didn't have favourites. Nope.

Reed's laptop and PADD were on his desk, with the show set up to play on the laptop. Reed lifted it off his desk with one hand and sat down on his bed lengthways; he patted the space beside him. "I thought we'd be more comfortable sitting this way, I didn't really like dangling my legs over the side last time."

Hayes sat beside him on the single bed, pressed right up against him, and stretched out his legs. Reed played the movie and the two of them passed the food back and forth as they watched. A couple of times, Hayes could see Reed looking at him out of corner of his eye, waiting to see his reaction at certain parts of the show. Hayes just mock gasped and turned to Reed, who grumbled that he wasn't paying attention to one of the best pieces of cinema of all time.

"Then why doesn't Tucker play it for movie night?"

"Because I'm the one asking for it, and he likes to be mean to me."

But honestly it was difficult to pay attention to the movie with Reed so close; their arms and legs were touching their entire length, and he found himself wishing he'd put on cologne, or at least showered. His heart jumped into his throat when Reed cocked his head to the side and Hayes actually thought that he was going to put his head on his shoulder. When he straightened his neck, Hayes contemplated throwing an arm around his shoulders, or just stretching his arm back to make space for Reed to lie against him. He could pull that off, he wouldn't make it too obvious; he could be subtle. But then where did he go? Did he kiss him? Did he just hold him? He was ninety percent sure that Reed had never been with a man before, from comments he'd made about being in the closet for only a year and being in a river in Egypt before that; he'd mentioned past girlfriends once or twice before he was outed, so he probably had experience there, but with men? Hayes doubted it. How far would he want to go? It was completely up to him, obviously, Hayes would be happy to just make out a little bit. With as little clothes as he could get away with.

This was ridiculous; there was no point in trying to make out with a man who had no romantic interest in him. And furthermore, he still hadn't confronted him about what he'd said to the Captain about his drinking. He didn't even know how to bring it up, did he just do it? Say it out right? He wasn't even sure what to say, and things were so good between them at the minute, did he really want to risk messing it up? But it was honestly eating him up inside; why hadn't he just told him the Captain knew? Just do it Hayes. Was there really going to be a good time? So, when Reed was about to play the next episode, he told him to hold off on playing it for a second.

Reed looked at him quizzically. "You going to the loo?"

"I'm not going anywhere, I need to speak with you about something." Hayes got up off the bed and settled himself in Reed's desk chair. Reed swung his legs over the edge of the bed and leaned on his elbows. He looked pretty confused, and a little worried.

"Not something serious, I hope?"

"Depends." Reed furrowed his brow at that. "You led me to believe that the Captain had no idea that I had a drinking problem; in fact you swore to me that you hadn't told him –"

"I did no such thing," Reed cut him off. "I told you that I hadn't reported you for disciplinary action –"

"Same implication –"

"Which was true," Reed finished, slightly forcefully. He glanced down, before looking back up Hayes, his face stern. "I defended you, I had Phlox speak to him on your behalf, he's happily giving you whatever you need, I don't know what the problem is."

The problem was he didn't entirely trust the Captain. Because why would Captain Archer be so happy to give someone so much support? Hayes knew that the Captain was okay with what he was letting him get away with right now, but how long was that going to last? He had a ship to run, he was going to get fed up of a sub-par officer pretty fucking fast. "But why didn't you tell me that he knew?" Hayes pressed the issue.

"Because he ordered me not to," Reed responded, very clearly annoyed now. "He wanted you to speak to Phlox first; he wanted to get an idea of how much support you needed before confronting you. And since there was no reprimand, I don't see what the problem is."

Hayes sat back, and ran a hand over his jaw. "I was just confused; I thought…" he trailed off. He didn't think it was a good idea to let on just how suspicious he'd been of Reed's intentions in the days after. "I just wanted some clarification, that's all."

"What did you think?" Reed asked, suspiciously. It was something that Hayes had realised right off the bat: Reed would notice even the slightest hesitation. "You thought I was going to blackmail you, didn't you?" He continued accusingly. "I remember, you said that I was lording it over you, or something like that." He stood up abruptly, and walked a few paces before whirling around and facing Hayes. "Did you honestly think I'm that devious? That I'm that cold and awful?"

Hayes stood up but Reed took a step back. He was more unguarded than Hayes had ever seen him, with his arms crossed defensively and a hurt look on his face. "Do you really think that poorly of me?"

"No, no, of course not," Hayes said quickly. He took another step towards Reed. "I just – I just haven't been thinking straight lately."

"You accused me of 'loving this'," Reed retorted. "I thought we had an understanding, I thought we were on friendly terms at the very least."

Hayes raised his arms slightly. "I can only say I'm sorry. And we are on friendly terms. We are."

When they'd had their talk after the Fisticuffs Incident, when Reed confided in him about the aftermath of the Aurora and how it made the PTSD he had from childhood worse, he also confessed that he'd started having panic attacks when thinking about having to spend any length of time in the armoury when it was full of MACOs; he'd experienced so much crap for being labelled as gay growing up that the thought of being in that room with people who he wasn't sure would want to hurt him for actually being gay had been making him physically ill. He hadn't meant to make them feel unwelcome, but retreating into work and being more disciplined than ever was the only way he could manage it. Hayes hadn't quiet been as understanding as he'd led Reed to believe, but had decided to pretend so as to bury the hatchet. Really, though, homophobia was ancient history; Hayes himself had certainly never experience it and he'd been sure he was gay since he was eleven. Although, come to think of it, it did explain why the Captain had let Reed pretty much pawn off his duties in the armoury on Chief Kipchoge, if he had been having panic attacks over it.

"We are now, you mean." Reed crossed his arms tighter over his chest. "I suppose it's only natural that there's some left over hostility."

"I wouldn't say there was hostility –"

"Then what would you call it?"

Hayes huffed. "I seem to remember it was you who was convinced that I was trying to replace you, you know." It had been pretty upsetting for Hayes to realise that that's what Reed's problem had been; of all the unprofessional bullcrap he could have thrown at him, that fact that his attitude had been driven by childish jealousy had actually pissed Hayes off. He'd held his tongue at the time, but very nearly hadn't; it was only when Reed mentioned the Aurora, the name of a ship even all the MACOs knew, that he kept quiet to let Reed finish. It had been his first posting out of the Academy; a small science vessel, with a crew complement of thirty, most of whom had been civilian scientists, and the rest Starfleet engineers. Reed had been one of them, having wanted to specialize in engineering when he first graduated. They'd been attacked by Nausican pirates, and though they'd fended them off, there had been power surge and radiation leak in Engineering. It had been contained, but not before it spread to the adjacent compartments. Twenty-two people had died, slowly, of radiation poisoning. After that, Reed had transferred to Starfleet Security, and took the bridge exam. He wasn't watching his crewmates die again.

A red tinge had appeared on Reed's cheeks and he uncrossed his arms, clasping his hands behind his back, at ease. "I seem to recall apologising for that, after offering an explanation. And you accepted it, if memory serves." Hayes could see him shutting down; gone was the man who'd been openly giggling at certain parts of the show.

"I didn't mean –" Hayes started

"If I failed to offer a satisfactory explanation, I do apologise again, major," Lt. Reed interrupted him.

"It's not that –"

"If it isn't, then you wouldn't have been convinced I was going to stab you in the back."

"I've just never had anyone go to bat for me like this," Hayes confessed. He flopped back down on the desk chair. "Every time I get caught relapsing, no one wants anything to do with me. You're honestly the first person who hasn't thrown me under a train."

Reed was quiet for a long time, just contemplating Hayes as he ran his hands through his hair. "I didn't know what to do, at first," he eventually said softly. "I don't even know why I left the bottle out in the open and didn't put it back. I wish I hadn't. Maybe you wouldn't have –"

"That wasn't your fault," Hayes said quickly, looking up at him. He shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't have to drink nearly an entire bottle of bourbon."

"In forty-five minutes."

Hayes resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He just had to point that out. "Is that really how long it was?"

Reed nodded. "I came back to your quarters as soon as I finished the search; only had a few left. I certainly wasn't expecting you to be semi-conscious."

"Where you trying to make me sweat?" Hayes asked. "I just want to know out of curiosity, I know full well you could just had Kipchoge and Cohen throw me in the brig," he continued quickly.

Reed slowly came over to the desk and leant against it. His leg was nearly touching Hayes. "I just wasn't expecting to find it in your quarters," he said. "I thought I'd find it in one of the younger enlisted quarters; I thought someone was having a party. I, um…" He shrugged, crossing his arms again. "I guess I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt… I didn't really have a plan for afterwards."

Hayes nudged Reed's leg with his knee. "You didn't want to get me in trouble."

"It was just so unlike you, I wanted an explanation," Reed countered, shifting slightly. "And you'd been so quiet the couple of months beforehand…" He cleared his throat. "I just wanted an explanation."

Okay; so that was that. Hayes still wasn't entirely sure how long the Captain's patience was going to last, but he was sure that Reed wasn't about to kick him when he was down. In fact, if and when the Captain's patience did run out he might be able to count on Reed for help. It was a comforting thought.

"Trust me, it's just like me. It's not the first time I relapsed," he clarified. He stared down at the floor. "Kind of put my family through hell."

"It was ten years, wasn't it?" Reed asked softly. Hayes nodded still staring at the floor. "I think that's impressive."

Hayes laughed bitterly. "According to my grandparents I shouldn't have started drinking in the first place."

"According to my parents I shouldn't be afraid of water, should have joined the Royal Navy, and most importantly shouldn't be gay."

Hayes sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I honestly didn't know there was still people like that in the world."

A couple of weeks into the mission into the Expanse Reed had left his PADD down in the armoury – unlocked. Unfortunately Pfc. Jones, pissed off from the admittedly extensive ordinance training Reed was making him do, had found it, gone through it, and came across an email chain from Reed's parents. First, they'd asked him to reassure them that what his sister Madeline had told them wasn't true – he hadn't come out to her; that he wasn't gay. Reed insisted it was true and the email he received after that was pretty unpleasant reading. Jones printed off the emails and scattered them throughout the ship; everyone knew Reed was gay by breakfast and he wasn't seen in the armoury for two days. Hayes had seen him walking through the mess a couple of times, ashen faced with his head down, but he had taken all of his meals with Archer. No one dared asked any of the senior staff where he was; the only one who didn't look homicidal had been T'Pol. Apparently, Reed hadn't even told Tucker that he was gay.

Once Jones had been caught Captain Archer had him thrown in the brig for seven days for homophobic bullying and harassment of a superior officer. After that he'd been assigned to engineering for another week, where apparently Tucker had made his life hell. Hayes had wanted to make sure that Jones wasn't going to be mistreated, but the Captain had just threatened to have Hayes join him. That was the moment that the MACOs had figured out that for all his friendliness and approachability, the Captain was not someone you wanted to make angry. Hayes had already written him off as a soft touch, but his mind had quickly been changed. It had been T'Pol that had actually gone to the trouble to assure Hayes that Jones would just be running errands and carrying equipment from A to B. There had been a rumour that the engineering team had been calling him Messenger Pigeon for the week.

There had also been a rumour that Reed had spent two hours in Archer's ready room, sobbing. When she heard it, Hoshi had rather aggressively told – ordered – people to shut their damn mouths – and none of the Fleeters dared say it out loud again. When she overheard a few of the MACOs still spreading it around… that was the moment the MACOs figured out that Hoshi was pretty scary too. It had honestly been a pretty tough situation for everyone to navigate, with the Fleeters obviously taking Reed's side, and the MACOs, while they didn't condone what Jones did, had thought that the Captain had overreacted. Hayes had been in two minds: he didn't appreciate that the Captain was disciplining someone on his team; on the other hand, as a gay man, he was appalled at Jones outing someone and kind of agreed with throwing Jones in the brig. But Jones hadn't understood the severity of what he'd did; homophobia was largely gone on Earth, he honestly understood that what he was doing was worse than just embarrassing a superior.

"Until I went to uni I didn't know there were people who accepted it. At least not that many," Reed said. "I can't even begin to describe the culture shock that it was."

"Really?"

Reed nodded, a memory of something flashing behind his eyes. "My uncle had all of our media very tightly controlled." Whatever that memory was, it wasn't good. "He kicked me out, you know." It was so quiet that Hayes nearly missed it. "When I was in my second last year of secondary school – high school to you – I was at a party with my cousin; there was drink, and I had a bit too much, and.. Callum saw me kissing a boy, told his father, and…" He took a deep breath. "Monday after school I came home to find my things on the pavement outside."

"I'm sorry," Hayes said. Even after he did The Thing, his family never kicked him to the curb. "That really sucks."

"I kept insisting I wasn't gay, though," Reed told him, laughing sullenly. "I was drunk, it was just something stupid I did because of the drink. I used to go drinking with my younger sister sometimes and the same thing would happen. She'd told me so many times that I really should stop doing that, or else people will think that I'm gay." He took another deep breath. "I don't know why I thought I could come out to her. It was idiotic. I was so stupid."

"The other day in therapy Phlox shot me with Nerf darts."

"I beg your pardon?" Reed just stared at Hayes, surprised at the abrupt change in subject.

"You've done CBT, right?"

"I have been treated for PTSD since I was nineteen, of course I've done CBT. And DBT, and psychotherapy, and umpteen others." He paused, brow furrowed. "Never have I ever been shot with Nerf darts."

"Well, every time I expressed a negative thought pattern Phlox shot me with a Nerf dart to get me to change my thinking." Reed just gave him a look. "You weren't stupid; it's not stupid to try and trust your family." He waved his hands to try and get Reed to say it. "Come on."

"It doesn't seem very smart."

"You're the smartest person I know." Hayes hadn't meant to say that.

Reed raised his eyebrows. "But you know Cmdr. T'Pol. You have met her, yes? First Officer and Science Officer? Has claimed Vulcan children have toys more sophisticated than Enterprise's systems? Short brown hair, pointy ears?"

"Oh is that who that is?" Hayes asked. "I was confused. Look lieutenant –"

"Just call me Malcolm."

Hayes tried to ignore the flutter in his chest. "Okay: Malcolm. You going to give it a go?"

"You're not going to let up until I do, are you?"

"Nope."

Malcolm rolled his eyes. "It was not an idiotic idea, I should be able to rely on my family, but in hindsight it was not my best plan. There. How was that?"

"Very good," Hayes said, grinning. "Top-notch redirection. Well done."

"If you're going to be condescending about it, I'm going to borrow Phlox's Nerf gun."

"I think it can only be used by a trained medical professional."

That got a laugh. Hayes loved his laugh; the fact that it was so rare made it all the better when he got one. They just looked at each other for a moment; Hayes didn't miss the way Malcolm's eyes kept flicking to his lips. Hayes stood up, causing Malcolm to jump at the sudden movement.

"What are –"

But he was cut off by Hayes pressing his lips to his. Hayes braced himself on the desk either side of Malcolm, while Malcolm wrapped his arms around Hayes's shoulders and sat properly on the desk; Hayes moved his hands to Malcolm's waist as they broke apart, resting their foreheads together.

"Jackson…" Malcolm was breathless.

"Matthew," Hayes corrected. He tenderly kissed him again. "I use my middle name."

"Matthew then."

They didn't end up watching another episode of Band of Brothers.