Just a note: this chapter begins after the bar scene in 2x17 Breakdown
Melendez wasn't quite sure whether he and Lim had decided to go public with their relationship or not. She still seemed hesitant about it and he understood why completely. Her divorce had been hard on her and he knew that's why she had never committed to a relationship ever since then. Melendez finished the last of his wine and they both ordered another glass, Lim talking about how great it was to see Laura again, "She's been so busy with Everly and I've been so busy with work, we haven't had time to see each other," said Lim.
"I know. With our work schedules, we've barely had time to see each other, especially because we have to do it in secret," said Melendez, "Ever since we got back from that weekend at Sequoia, we've been together, what, once?"
"If you have to think about it, it's been too long," commented Lim.
"Yeah, you're right," Melendez sighed as he took a swig of his wine. After they finished their glasses, they went out to his Tesla to drive back to Melendez's house. When they arrived at his house, they changed into their pajamas and Melendez turned on a basketball game, though Lim had other plans for that night. As the hour wore on, Lim scooted closer and closer to Melendez until she was practically lying on top of him. He finally looked over at her and asked, "Is there a reason why you suddenly want to be a cuddle bunny?"
"Come on, Neil. You already admitted it's been a while since we've had sex," Lim began to kiss him, "And we both have had a rough couple of weeks."
Melendez did have to admit, ever since Dr. Jackson Han had taken over as Chief of Surgery at St. Bonaventure, work hadn't been pleasant. They both were almost wishing Andrews had remained Chief of Surgery. Melendez quickly turned off the TV and kissed her some more, running his fingers through her long brown locks. Lim started to take over, but he was already getting used to her dominance in the bedroom. And of course, with Lim being Lim, she had quickly discovered all of the ways to tease him and drive him nuts until she was ready for the real thing, so she was already running her forefinger along his collar bone and sucking at his neck. As they continued to kiss and caresses each other, they both couldn't help but think about their conversation from earlier that evening. Melendez was ready to go public with their relationship and commit to it. He honestly didn't give a damn what anyone at work thought about him and Lim as a couple because he loved this woman so much! Whenever they were together, there was a special spark between them unlike anything he had felt before in his lifetime. But if Lim wasn't ready, they couldn't go public. He didn't want to lose her by forcing her to step out of her comfort zone too quickly and if she was content with keeping their relationship a secret for now, then he was satisfied, "I love you so much," he whispered against her lips.
"I love you too," she whispered back. Lim was also having a conversation with herself in her head as she did her usual in regard to the sex. Why was she so scared to go public with their relationship? She had nearly had a panic attack when she had thought Shaun had seen them until it finally occurred to her that it probably wouldn't have registered for him. Her relationship with Melendez was more than just pure sex at this point; they did genuinely love each other. She wasn't planning on leaving him. And if it hadn't been for this stupid investigation, they probably would have started out public. So why was she so uncomfortable with the idea now? Was she really that terrified that everything she felt for Melendez was all fake like it had been with Kashal? They had known each other for years; she knew the type of person he was. Or did she? It's not like she had ever been this close to him, sharing every single detail about her personal life and allowing herself to be somewhat vulnerable around him. What if she committed to the relationship and completely opened up to him only to find out that Neil wasn't the man she thought he was? No way was she going to allow herself to get hurt again!
They were finished in no time; they were starting to learn what pleasured the other person, so the sex was quickly becoming more efficient. Lim was quiet, which wasn't unusual for her after doing the deed, but Melendez noticed it was more of an uncomfortable silence between them, so he asked, "Hey, are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just thinking about our conversation earlier," Lim answered, "About going public with our relationship."
"Oh," Melendez acknowledged.
"Listen, I know you really want to go public with our relationship, and I understand that. I do too, just not right yet," said Lim leaning up on her elbow. Melendez did the same so he could see her face to face, "I know we're at a good place right now, but the honeymoon phase will end and we need to know if we're good together outside of…you know…sex and make-out sessions," she whispered.
Melendez grabbed her hand and said, "I mean, I think we're good at communicating, we have fun together, and we're good friends. If those aren't good foundations for a relationship, then I don't know what is."
Lim gave Melendez a look of skepticism and said, "Neil, relationships involve a lot more than being friends and being good in bed together. We don't really even know what went wrong in our last relationships. We should probably discuss that before we even think about going public so we can avoid the same mistakes again."
"Alright then, you can go first," said Melendez, lying back down next to her.
Lim took a deep breath and said, "Well, I worked long hours and Kashal and I didn't really get to see each other a lot. He told me to stop working so much and commit to the marriage and since he refused to realize how important my job is to me, we couldn't make it work. We drifted apart due to the distance, so we divorced. You?"
"Jessica didn't want kids. I tried to agree not to have children, but she could tell how much I want them, so she dumped me," said Melendez bluntly.
"Oh," said Lim in surprise. She thought work would've also been the downfall of Melendez's relationship, not children, "I'm surprised you both didn't discuss that topic before you got engaged."
"We did once, shortly before I proposed. She said she'd think about it. I guess when she thought about it, her decision became no kids ever," said Melendez.
Lim braced herself for the question she assumed Melendez was going to ask next, but she was surprised when he stayed silent, "You're not going to ask me about wanting kids?"
"Do you want me to?" Melendez half-questioned and half-chuckled.
"I just assumed you would," she admitted.
"Alright, well, do you want kids?" asked Melendez curiously.
Lim had to think about her response for a few moments before she said, "I never really thought about it before. I wanted to be settled into my career before I considered starting a family. Then, when Kashal and I divorced, I toyed with whether or not I really wanted kids. But seeing Laura with Everly these past few days and these past few weeks…" Lim trailed off before she continued, "It makes me want to be a mom someday. Not right now, but maybe in the next few years. I mean, I was never in a committed relationship before now and I was never with a man whom I could see being a good father to my future child. Not until I started dating you."
Melendez was surprised, but kissed her, "Well, I don't think it would be a good idea to add a baby to the mix right now, especially with us still being in the closet," said Melendez and Lim nodded in understanding, "But it does give us something to think about in the future."
Lim's heart skipped a beat when Melendez said 'the future.' She could never imagine a future with any other man she had been with before, not even Kashal. But Neil was a different story. She rolled over to go to sleep before she said, "Maybe we should talk to Andrews about us tomorrow. What do you think?"
Melendez sighed and said, "Maybe."