AN : This chapter covers the period 1 year before Yolanda's birth to a few months before her 9th birthday

12 months before Yolanda's birth

Rey fidgeted as she waited for dessert to be served. The restaurant's air conditioning was in full blast and she had worn a short dress that barely covered her thighs, but she could feel the beads of sweat running down her neck and between her legs. She rubbed her neck with a hand, pretending to be tucking away a strand of hair and smiled at her friends. With her were three of her close friends, catching up with one another on what had happened in their lives since they last met a few months ago, oblivious to her discomfort. She took a sip from her wine, praying that the dessert would be served soon. She did not want any of the restaurant staff to interrupt when she made her announcement, and the best way was for all the food to be served and the dirty dishes cleared so that none of them would appear at the table unannounced.

She looked at her friends. Poe was talking about a recent encounter he had with a moose.

"And it was looking at me as if I was something delicious. It dips its head – "

The waitress appeared then, and put down their desserts. Rose had ordered ice cream, while Poe and Finn had ordered cakes. Rey had not ordered anything. She never liked to talk when her mouth was filled with food.

"Thank you," the trio muttered their thanks to the waitress, who disappeared without a word.

Poe continued his story.

"- and it just started licking me as if it is a dog – "

"Guys – "

"- just dripping as if it was pouring – " Poe pretended to look up, his hands raised above him as if he was shielding himself from the invisible drool.

"Hey, guys – "

"And then it suddenly sneezed – "

"Guys, I'm going to have a baby!" She knew that they would be shocked when she announced the news, but still, she did not know what to say next when they looked back at her, their eyes wide. Poe was still at his protecting-himself-from-the-drool-of-a-moose posture, his hands poised above his head. She noticed that some of the guests at the other tables were staring at her as well. A man at another table clapped, and was stopped from continuing by his partner with a slap on his arm.

It was a full minute before anyone spoke.

Rose squinted her eyes at her friend.

"Rey, I think I misheard something just now. Did you say that you are going to buy a Beemer, or are you going to have a facial, or are you going to buy a baby?"

"I think she said she is going to be a lady," Finn offered, his jaws slack.

Rey nearly buried her face in her hands.

"A baby," Poe parroted, his hands still up in the air.

"You're pregnant?" Rose asked.

"No. Wait – " she raised a hand and reached for her handbag. She knew that there would be questions, and so she had written down the answers to all the questions that she could think of on a piece of paper. She dug into her handbag.

There were usually just a few items in her handbag – her purse (which contained many items), her keys, her lip gloss, her handphone and tissue. Five items. Six items, including the piece of paper. And now there were only five.

The paper was not there.

"Look… I … " she looked at her friends, who were still staring back at her. At least Poe's hands were no longer in the air.

"You mean you have been dating someone without telling us?" Finn asked.

"No, I don't. Guys. This is … I will never have a boyfriend." The trio erupted again, each of them trying to tell her what they thought of her statement, and to recap the contents of similar conversations that they had in the past.

"No, no, hear me out. Please." It took her another 2 minutes to get her friends to calm down.

"This is not a rash decision. I have been thinking about it for 2 years. I know what you are thinking. I should get a boyfriend, get a husband, get myself laid. I should date, cohabitate, getting married, or even have a one-night stand. Settle those prerequisites before I thought about having a baby. But … I don't want those things. All of my relationships didn't last. And I don't want to just have one-night stands with strangers hoping to get pregnant because it is not fair to the other party. So I've done my research, and I've made some phone calls and I've decided."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "I've gone to a clinic this morning and signed up."

"Why didn't you consult us in the first place? Poe asked.

"And you didn't think of asking us along?" Rose asked at the same time.

"Rey, we'll support you no matter what," Finn told her. Under the table, his two thumbs danced across the keyboard on the screen of his handphone.

Bro your in so deeep trble

11 months before Yolanda's birth

The phone rang when she was looking through the list of donors on her tablet.

"Hello?" she cradled her handphone between her cheek and shoulder and continued to swipe through the profiles.

"Hi, how's my Rey of Sunshine today?"

She swiped to the next profile, one of the few with a recent photo. A blue-eyed blond looked back at her, wearing a cocky grin as if he knew that most women's heart would miss a beat when they saw him.

"Good," Rey replied, smiling back at the image.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at the profiles," she told him matter-of-factly.

"Oh," Ben paused before continuing. "Are you sure you want to go ahead with it?"

"Why not?" she asked, though she was chewing her lower lip as she swiped to the next profile that did not have a photo. How could she decide which donor to choose when she got nothing (almost nothing) but a few words describing the donor's physical traits and a writeup that would drive an English teacher crazy?

"I mean.. you are a gorgeous girl. Interesting. Smart. Any guy will be blessed to have you as his girlfriend or wife so long as you give him a chance, so long as you give dating a chance."

"You are not supposed to discourage me, Ben. You promised that you will support me."

There was a pause over the line. "Yeah I guess I did," his reply was softer. His next sentence was louder, more cheerful.

"So, did any of the profiles catch your fancy?" he teased.

She huffed.

"Oh, I don't know. Blonde, blue-eyed babies are so adorable, but I don't know. I don't want my baby to look so different from me. I'm going to tell her when she is older that I have never met her father and he is just a sperm donor, but," she paused for a moment before continuing. "I know this sounds selfish, but I don't want people to say things like 'she looks like her father' or 'she has his eyes'. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I guess that will be hard because she will start thinking of her father and how he looks like."

She nodded, forgetting that he was unable to see her.

"Hey, you know what? Why don't I come over tomorrow? I'll get you your favourite fried rice from Chinatown and we'll look over the profiles together. Maybe I can provide some male insight and filter out the psychopaths."

Rey smiled. "None of them are psychopaths."

"Sociopaths then."

"I don't think there are any sociopaths either."

"Alright. I'll help to filter out the ones who leave the toilet seat up when they're done. I'm sure that's a deal-breaker. How about that?"

Rey pressed her hand to her lips, stifling the laughter that was threatening to spill out. "That'll be great."

"Bro, you should tell her," Finn said. The three friends were in a booth in a café, their voices almost drowned out by the loud music blasting through the speaker. It was their favourite haunt, the one place that they would go to if none of the girls was coming along, a simple place with cheap but good beer, lots of comfort food and it was opened daily till the early hours. Best of all, it had two jukeboxes.

"Tell her what?"

"Tell her that you will make a decent woman out of her." Poe filled in the blanks.

"Make a – " Ben raised his hands in the air. "What have you been reading? Some regency romance?"

"Sorry. Have been looking at some new scripts recently." Poe patted the briefcase that was by his side. A briefcase that, Ben did not fail to notice, had a pin and a padlock.

"What's inside? The script to the next blockbuster?"

Poe leaned back, looking smug, his hand making a zipping motion before his mouth.

"Anyway, Bro, you really should tell her that you are in love with her."

"She'll kill me," Ben responded without hesitation.

Both Finn and Poe laughed. "She won't."

"And I'm not in love with her."

"Sure. And I'm a drug smuggler," he patted the briefcase.

"I'm surprised that she didn't notice it all these years. It's so obvious that you have been crushing hard since University." Poe added after a while.

"Obviously it's not obvious enough, since Rey has never realised it." Finn nudged him at the side, and the two broke into laughter again.

"And you even lost your virginity to her!" Poe exclaimed, and Ben hushed him, looking around to see if anyone had overheard their conversation.

"No, I didn't," he replied when he was sure that no one in the café was eavesdropping. "I lost mine before I met her."

Poe leaned forward, folding his arms on the table, his eyes lighting up. "This is interesting. You have never told us this story before."

"For goodness' sake, Poe."

"But really – " Finn started again.

"We're just friends, two good friends."

Yolanda at two months.

"Why didn't you stop me?" Rey asked as she rested an arm on her forehead and closed her eyes, sounding miserable.

"I did," Rose reminded her as she patted the baby in her arms. She made some cooing noises at Yolanda. Ben stretched out his hands, and Rose handed over the baby. "In fact, we all tried to dissuade you."

"But we're so glad she's here," Ben said. The baby babbled something and he smiled at her. "What did you say? Yes?" he cocked his head to one side, as if the baby was whispering into his ear. "Oh, did you say a song?" he asked, and he kissed Yolanda on her forehead. "Stevie Wonder? Of course."

He looked at Rose's amused look and cleared his throat before he started.

"No New Year's Day… to celebrate. No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away… No first of spring, no song to sing. In fact, here's just another ordinary day."

He launched into the chorus, rocking the girl in his arms.

"I just called to say I love you. I just called to say how much I care. I just called to say I love you.
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart… of my heart… of my heartttttttt. Dum dum dum."

He repeated the song again, humming this time, and after a while, his rocking slowed down and Ben touched the baby's soft cheek. "She's asleep," he told Rey. "She's such an angel."

Rey opened an eye. "She's faking it. She knows that there are visitors in the house and so she's putting on an act. You should have seen her last night. She started off fussing, and then she wailed, and then she cried down the house."

"Your apartment is still intact." Rose was decidedly unhelpful.

"I only have fifteen minutes of sleep last night."

"So why don't you take a nap now. Rose and I will take care of Yolanda," Ben offered.

"Thank you, Ben. You're the angel," Rey muttered. He beamed.

"I wish that I could put her back into my stomach," Rey confessed as her eyes fluttered closed.

"She didn't come from your stomach, Rey," Rose was still unhelpful. "She came from your womb. And you can't put her back anymore."

Yolanda at five months

Ben was woken by an incessant ringing that sounded like the fire alarm in his apartment had gone off. He sat up, still groggy from sleep and was about to bolt out of his bed when he realised that it was not the fire alarm. It was his phone. Rey's name glowed eerily dark on the screen of his handphone in the dark.

"Rey?" He could hear Yolanda crying as if she was a distance away. "Rey? Is everything OK?"

There was no reply. Was Yolanda colicky again?

"Rey?" Ben shouted louder into the phone. He hoped that he would not wake his neighbours up.

He heard her then. Her voice was soft, muffled, as if the phone was not next to her mouth but a distance away. Perhaps she had the phone on her table or on her bed. But that would not explain how she had managed to call his number.

It took him a few seconds to realise it, and Ben chuckled to himself when he realised that she must have butt-dialled him.

He could not hear the words that she said, but he could hear from Rey's tone that she was speaking to Yolanda, trying to calm her down. There was a pause, and then Rey's voice turned rhythmic, and it took him a while before he recognized the rhythm – it was an oldie, and he had sung the same song to the baby before. He joined in when Rey started on the chorus, even though he knew that neither mommy nor baby could hear him.

"I just called to say… I love you. I just called to say how much I care… I just called to say I love you… And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

Yolanda, seven years old

"You're spoiling her," Rey told Ben when she saw the shopping bags that he had with him when she picked him up.

"How did you know that these are not for me? Or for you?" he asked as he got into the passenger seat. Rey snorted. The pink, princessy pictures on the paper bags were a dead giveaway.

"And it's great seeing you again," he added. He had been working on a project for the past six months which had taken him overseas and had not seen both Rey and Yolanda for that long too.

Ben leaned in, wanting to give Rey a kiss on her cheek when she turned to her right and looked out for the traffic as she manoeuvred her car out of the parking lot and he stopped short. He had forgotten that she did not have that habit, unlike most women he knew. He turned to his other side, pretending to be engrossed in searching for the seat belt.

"So how's work?" she asked as they got into the highway.

"Busy. We're slightly behind schedule, but we're trying hard to catch up, which means that we'll still implement it on time. And then it's home sweet home." He looked at her with a smile, but Rey was totally concentrating on the traffic.

"So how's everything?" it was his turn to ask.

"Work or Yolanda?"

"Both."

"Not bad. I just finished a project."

"Yolanda? How's her new school?"

"She's getting used to it…" Ben could almost hear the but at the end.

"But?" he prompted.

Rey shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. She has been a bit quiet these two weeks. I tried to talk to her but she said that everything is alright and she is enjoying school. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm just being paranoid."

"Maybe I can talk to her?" Ben offered as Rey drove into the school's driveway.

It was dismissal time, and many of the kids were at the playground, waiting for their parents or caregiver to pick them up.

Ben looked around. He had not seen Yolanda for more than six months but he was pretty sure that he would be able to recognize her. He scanned the playground, looking for a petite brunette with plaits but finding none.

"There she is," Rey said as she pointed to a child sitting on a bench with her school bag. As she spoke, the child looked up, and even from the distance, Ben could see her eyes lighting up when she saw them.

Yolanda gave a squeal of delight and she jumped to her feet before she flew across the playground, narrowly missing a schoolmate. Instead of going to Rey, she went for Ben, who knelt and caught her before tossing her into the air, catching her as she came down.

"How's my princess?" Ben asked as Yolanda wrapped her tiny arms around his neck and kissed him noisily.

"Are you going to my house?" she whispered into his ear.

"Yes."

She squealed again, squeezing Ben's temples with both hands before she turned to the playground and waved goodbye to almost everyone.

Back at Rey's home, Rey prepared dinner while Ben showed Yolanda the presents that he had gotten for her. He had the weekend off, followed by a meeting on Monday before he had to fly off again, and he planned to spend as little time as possible in his apartment, where there was no one for him to talk to.

He had gotten new dresses and toys for Yolanda, and a drawing book with a new set of colour pencils. The floor was filled with torn wrapping paper by the time she had finished unwrapping the presents. Ben helped her to dispose of the trash as the girl started to do her homework. As he dug into her schoolbag for her workbook, he found a piece of drawing paper that was crushed into a ball. He took out the paper and smoothed it on the table. It was a drawing titled "My family". Yolanda had drawn herself in the middle of the paper, with Rey on her right, holding her hand. The left side of the paper was left empty.

"Yolanda," he turned to the girl who was still doing her homework. She looked up, and her eyes widened when she saw the drawing in Ben's hand. Without another word, she plucked the paper from Ben's hand and dashed into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Yody? Ben?" Rey called out. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything's fine," Ben replied as he stood up and went in search of Yolanda.

He knocked on her pink door.

"Princess? Can I come in?"

Ben let himself in when there was no response.

Yolanda was seated on the floor, her knees drawn her chest, her head in her arms. Her drawing was crushed into a ball again, thrown to a corner of the room.

"Hey Princess. What's up?" Ben asked as he sat next to her, his hand reaching out for the drawing. "This is a nice drawing. I like the way you draw Mommy and the flowers on the hem of your skirt." Yolanda shook her head.

"You don't like it?" She shook her head again. "Why?" Though Ben had a brief idea as to why.

"You know. I think when I was young, my family portrait was just me and my mommy too." He thought of Han, who was never around. Yolanda slowly raised her head.

"You don't have a daddy too?"

Ben shrugged. "I have one … " and Yolanda's face fell again. "But I hardly see him. He's never around. It's just me and my mommy."

Yolanda remained quiet.

"Did your friends laugh at your family portrait? Because it is only you and your mommy inside? That's a big school. I'm sure there are some children who do not have both parents."

Yolanda shook her head sadly.

"Really?" He was surprised that there were so many intact families. When he was growing up, there were so many families with at least one parent missing, or off to fight the war, that a single-parent family was the norm.

"Carly has no daddy, but she has two mommies," the girl shared the information after a while.

Ben pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "And you have a mommy who gives you enough love for two mommies, or a daddy and a mommy."

Yolanda shook her head again. "I want a daddy, Uncle Ben. Can you get me a daddy for my birthday?"

Ben pulled her blanket off her bed and wrapped it around himself. "Wrapped up like this?"

The little girl giggled at the sight before her, but shook her head after "You're not my daddy."

Smart girl.

"I'm not your daddy-daddy, but I am your godfather. When you were born, I carried you and sang to you. When you fell and scraped your knee, I carried you home. Do you remember? I'm just like your daddy. Or maybe I'm your secret daddy, like the daddy version of a secret Santa." That got her attention.

"Next time, when you draw a family portrait, you can put me inside. You can put Auntie Rose inside. Or even Uncle Poe and Uncle Finn. We are your family. When your friends talk about their daddy, you can talk about me." He thought of the way Yolanda acted earlier in the day, the way she was so keen to show her friends that he was there to pick her up from school. "And how would you like it if I pick you up from school the next time I am back?"

"Really?" Yolanda asked, her eyes wide with wonder. "Promise?"

"Promise," Ben said, hooking her pinky with his.

He took a deep breath before continuing. "And you can call me daddy when no one is around."

Yolanda, eight years old

Ben had to admit that he was enjoying himself with his date. She was ten minutes late for their dinner date, but it was definitely worth it. She had let her hair down, the golden curls falling over a shoulder and wore a little black number that showed off her shapely figure. He had met her at the conference that morning. She was seated at the next table, but he managed to find an excuse and joined her. By the time the half-day conference ended, she had given him her name card, her personal number scribbled at the back.

They talked and laughed over dinner, sharing anecdotes about their jobs and the people that they had met in the course of their work. She was witty, gorgeous, and smart.

And most important of all, she was currently single.

"I broke up with my boyfriend almost a year ago," she admitted somewhere between her third and fourth glass of wine. "I flew back earlier from a business trip without telling him, wanting to surprise him. Instead, I caught him with a woman in our bed."

"He's an idiot," Ben told her as he raised his glass for a toast. She took a sip from her wine, looking dazzling in the dim light.

"And you?"

"Single. No pets either."

She laughed, showing a set of perfect teeth.

Ben's phone rang at that moment. It was Rey's home line.

"I got to answer this call," Ben told his date as he stepped away from the table.

"Daddy!" Yolanda wailed from the other end of the phone, loud enough to burst his eardrum.

"Princess? What is it?"

"Mommy hates me!"

"What? Mommy doesn't hate you. What makes you say that?" The door to the restaurant opened, emitting noises from the outside traffic and Ben pressed a finger to his other ear to hear better, just in time to hear the girl sniffed on the other side of the line.

"She cooked peas for dinner!" Yolanda hated peas.

Ben chuckled. She could be so dramatic sometimes.

"Yody, Mommy does not hate you."

"She hates me! She hates me! I hate peas!" Ben had to cover his mouth to prevent himself from laughing out loud.

"So what else did Mommy cook? I'm sure it's not just peas alone." He hoped not.

"Mac and cheese." The answer came in a whisper.

"Isn't mac and cheese your favourite?" Ben knew all about her favourite food.

"Mmmph," came the reply.

Just then, there were some hollow noises, and then Rey's voice was on the line.

"Hello? Yodi, are you using the phone?" The girl quickly hung up the phone.

"Hello? Hello?"

"Hey Rey, it's me."

"Ben?" he could hear the question in her voice. "I'm sorry I didn't hear the phone ring."

"No, no, it didn't ring. I didn't call." Ben explained what had just happened.

"I'm going to spank her after this," Rey growled.

He laughed.

"No, please don't spank her. Children are not meant to be spank. They are meant to be loved. She just hates peas."

"But she still has to eat them."

"I know."

"So how are you?"

"Ben, you sound as if we have not caught up for a long time. Didn't we just talk on the phone two days ago?"

"Yes, we did." He chuckled.

There was a pause.

"Are you outside? It's kind of noisy."

"Oh," Ben suddenly remembered his date. He turned around and she was still there, looking back at him. He waved to her. She didn't wave back.

"I'm having dinner with a friend." Well, he was not exactly lying. She was kind of a friend, wasn't she? A newly acquainted friend.

"I won't disturb you then. Enjoy your dinner."

"I see you when I come back, Rey. And don't spank her." She laughed. Ben closed his eyes momentarily. He could imagine her at the other end of the line, her head thrown back slightly as she gave the throaty laugh that he loved.

"I can't promise that," she told him, but he could hear that she was smiling, and he knew that there would be no spanking that night. "Goodnight, Ben."

"Goodnight."

He made his way back to his table, a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry," he apologized to his date as he was about to sit down. "That was my friend – "

Ben did not manage to finish his sentence. He stared at his date as she stared back at him in fury, her hand still clutching the glass that was empty now that she had splashed its icy contents at his face.

"Your friend?" she hissed. "The whole restaurant could hear your daughter calling you daddy. Or are you going to say that you are now single but you used to be married."

"Wait, I can – "

She raised a hand to stop him. "Don't bother," she said as she picked up her clutch bag and stomped out of the restaurant, leaving Ben the centre of everyone's attention.

Ben picked up his napkin and slowly wiped the water away. But he was unable to wipe away the grin on his face.

AN: Yolanda will be grown up in the next chapter.