They never recovered the the body from Vormir, so they didn't have a proper funeral, but they held a memorial service in the empty field behind the tractor shed. Afterwards, they all gathered around a blazing fire, sharing stories into the early hours of the morning, and Laura freed up the barn so that the attendees could spend the night.
It wasn't until after lunch the next day that all the guest had left. Laura let the kids toast the leftover marshmallows on a revived fire, and handed out the letters.
"What's this?" Clint asked, his voice a little hoarse. He wasn't sure if it was from all the talking last night, or all the crying this morning.
Laura gently touched his cheek. "Nat left these in my drawers with a note to deliver them if she didn't come back. She must have written them before she went to Japan."
Clint's eyes widened in a mix of surprise and confusion. "But how'd she get in-" he began to ask out loud, but soon answered his own question. "Picked the lock. Right."
Laura pressed a kiss to his forehead and moved towards the kids, four envelopes in her hand.
Feeling rather numb, Clint looked down at the envelope. 'Hawkeye' was written on the front in Natasha's distinctive cursive. His heart beginning to race, Clint broke the seal and began to read.
Hey partner,
Guess I'm not so invincible after all, right? I hope with all my heart that this means you're at home with Laura and the kids. That's all I've ever wanted for you. It's everything I've spent the last five years fighting for.
It doesn't really matter how it ended. What matters is that it happened. That you rescued me and brought me over to fight for what is right. You gave me a life, Clint. What I had before - that was just survival. You gave me purpose, and hope, and most of all, a family.
You know, it's actually kind of nice to be writing a deathbed note, if that's what this turns out to be. I get to say all the things I've always wanted to say, and you don't get to make fun of me. It's a win-win situation.
But all jokes aside, Clint, you gotta let me go. Don't forget me, please, that wouldn't be nice. But don't dwell on it. Don't dwell on the past. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's what you do from hereon that counts. You taught me that, remember? Let me go, Clint. It's okay. I'm at peace.
You're the best partner, the best friend I could ever have asked for.
You're a hero, Clint, and don't you forget it.
With love,
Natasha
Clint looked up, his eyes wet again. But he was smiling. He read through the letter once more, and tucked it away in his pocket.
Over on the other side of the fire, Laura was helping Nathaniel with his letter.
Dear Nathaniel,
You must be such a big boy now! I'm so sorry that I'm not there to watch you grow up.
It is my privilege to have inspired your name, but that's not important. A rose by any other name will smell as sweet. You're going to be your own person, and you will be brilliant. You are brilliant.
The big world out there is a dangerous place, but you can thrive. You're stronger than you know, and you're just as brave as you need to be.
Be a good boy for your mum and dad. They're going to need your help.
With love,
Auntie Nat
"What does it mean, Mummy?" Nathaniel asked when Laura had stopped reading. "What about a rose?"
"It's Shakespeare," Cooper cut in.
"What's Shakie-spee-rie?" Nathaniel was thoroughly confused.
Laura gave the boy and hugged and said, "You're understand when you're older."
Clint came over and kissed his younger son's cheek.
"What does it mean, Daddy?" Nathaniel persisted. "I'm older now. Auntie Nat said I'm a big boy."
Clint smiled. "It means Auntie Nat loves you."
A ray of understanding seemed to glisten in the little boy's eyes and he smiled, content with this explanation.
Lila chose this moment to interrupt. "I'm going to read my letter in my room."
"Me too," Cooper chimed in.
Clint nodded, and the teenagers raced off. He turned to his wife and extracted Nathaniel from her grip. "Laura, why don't I put Nate to bed?"
Laura nodded gratefully. She hadn't read her letter yet either.
And so, while Clint told Nathaniel a bedtime story about the time he and Auntie Nat defeated the space monsters in New York, Lila, Cooper and Laura were laughing and crying in their respective bedrooms as they read what Natasha had written for them.
Dear Lila,
My dearest Lila, all grown up now. I wish I was there to watch you grow into the beautiful, intelligent, brave woman that you are. But even if I'm not, that's okay.
There's so much I never told you, so much that I wanted you to understand. But it isn't important now. Your father will fill you in on the bits you need to know - the way the world works, the way the universe works.
He'll tell you that it's big and scary out there, but that he'll keep you safe. It's true - he'd do anything for you, kiddo. And he's a real powerful one, your father. But more importantly, Lila, you're powerful too. You've always been brave, and wise beyond your years. Not every little girls has to watch her father disappear for weeks at a time, occasionally appearing on television at the forefront of the worst wars in history. But all of this - it's made you strong.
I have to admit, Lila, I see myself in you. I've always tried extra hard to remind you that you're special, to enjoy your childhood. It's because I never had that childhood innocence, and I wanted to protect yours. I hope I did a decent job.
But you're not a child anymore. You're a young woman, and you are spectacular. So now, Lila, I'm telling you - it's okay to grow up. It's okay to try new things and get into trouble and learn from your mistakes. But there's another thing that I have to say to you, and it's really important. It took me decades to learn, so I'm giving you a headstart.
Don't be afraid to trust. Don't be like me, who never let anyone get close, not until I met you father. It's a big, scary universe, an everyone needs friends and family that they trust.
So be brave and bold, Lila, and conquer the world. But don't forget to be kind - to others and to yourself. We are human, after all, and surprisingly enough, it's easy to forget.
I love you, Lila. Never forget that you are precious.
Yours,
Auntie Nat
/-/
Dear Cooper,
I won't lie - it took me several attempts to figure out how to open this letter. You were always the strong one - Dad's little soldier, Mum's right-hand man. Brave, steadfast and resilient. So it didn't feel right to say 'Hey kid' or 'Howdy junior'. You're a young man now, and I wish I were there to watch you grow up. But that's okay. Because the truth is - you don't need me.
Your father needs you though. He's always had, and he's going to need you to be strong and brave now, more than ever. Listen to him, Cooper, but remember that he's human too. Did I ever tell you that he once mistook a squirrel for a piece of alien tech and chased it up an down half a dozen trees before I found the real thing and stopped him? The poor squirrel ended up under an upturned bird's nest.
I know you never had it easy as a kid, Cooper. The eldest, having to look after your mother and your sister, and eventually your little brother, while Dad was away. You're strong, Cooper, more than you know.
Look after your dad for me, Cooper. I give you a final salute.
With love,
Auntie Nat
/-/
Laura, my dear sister,
Here we are now, the last page. Well, it's the last page for me because I left your letter until last. Not because I didn't know what to say, but because there's so much to say. There aren't enough words in existence for me to describe how grateful I am for your friendship, and how much I admire your strength.
You and Cooper - you're family to me, which you well know. You see me for who I am, not who I was and not even who I pretend to be. In some ways, you know me better than Clint. He's my partner, but he is plagued by that terrible curse of masculinity. Sometimes he can really be such a boy.
I'm at peace now, Laura, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that you're going to take good care of Clint. He can hold his own in a fight, but sometimes he needs some help seeing the big picture.
I don't know how it ended, Laura, but I hope it was good. I hope I went down fighting for what is right. I hope I took good care of Clint.
Don't be sad, Laura. Your friendship was more than I ever deserved. It was a bonus, something extra that became so very precious.
You've got the most beautiful family, Laura. All of you - you deserve each other. And it was my privilege to have known you all.
Take care. Be amazing.
Sending all the love in the world,
Natasha