15
Jax Is Really Alive
Chapter 14 Recap
Jax finds out that Unser fathered a baby with Gemma and that she killed her immediately after giving birth. He also finds out that Gemma kept a journal. Tara collapses after she and Jax practice fighting with the robots. She's weak from stopping time, giving blood to save Donna's life and fighting robots. Jax contacts Ryland and he instructs Jax on medical procedures to help Tara recover more quickly.
Chapter 15 Tara's Hell
While Tara was unconscious, Jax returned to the gym to use the fitness equipment and to fight with the robots. He was tired of being cooped up inside, but he wanted to watch over Tara, so he had to stay inside to keep an eye on the monitor Cas set up showing Tara in his room.
Being active felt good and the alien upgrade gave him not only increased strength but better endurance. Despite the pounding he'd taken at the hands of the robots, he only had a minor amount of discomfort. The robots were excellent teachers and he had picked up a lot of fighting techniques he wished he'd learned years ago.
Finally, when he was exhausted, he returned to his room. Two of Tara's bags needed changing. He replaced them being careful not to dislodge the two that were still attached to her wrists.
He was soaked in sweat so he took a quick shower, pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and got into bed. Cas lit the room with soft light, low enough for sleep, but light enough for him to be able to check Tara's condition. He also had Cas increase the bed's size. Normally, he would have slept close with at least an arm or leg draped over Tara, but he didn't want to disturb her as long as the bags of fluid were still attached to her.
After a deep, dreamless sleep, Jax woke six hours later feeling rested with no stiffness and the perfect amount of pain—enough to make him feel like he had accomplished something but not enough to keep him from continuing the robot fighting and his grueling workouts. He decided to return to the gym. Tara was still sleeping.
He dressed quickly, not bothering with a shirt. It would just get soaked in sweat and he'd ended up taking it off.
When he returned from his two hour session with the gym equipment and the robots, he stripped and got into the shower. He dried himself off and went into the bedroom to pull on his boxers, followed by jeans and a light blue T-shirt. He sat on the bed to pull on his socks.
"Oh, shit! How the hell did that scorpion get here on the bed?" he paused for a moment. "Shit! It's on Tara now. I hope she doesn't move because it will sting her for sure. What the hell am I going to do? I've got to get it off her. It's a little scorpion. Shit! That's the worst. They are more toxic than the big ones. No, not toxic. I mean venomous. That's right. That's the word I was searching for.
"I remember when I got stung by one at an Arizona bike show. It hurt like a mother. If that stings her, it's going to cause excruciating pain. Should I try to knock it off her with my hand or use something to knock it off her? Oh, shit! It's on her head now. Jesus! What the hell am I going to do? It's going to get tangled in her hair. It's going to sting the hell out of her head. Maybe I should ask Cas if they have any bug spray that could kill scorpions. I wonder if I could spray it before it stung her. I don't think that would work. The second I spray it, it's going to sting. Tara's just going to get stung.
"Maybe I could wait it out. Maybe it will just decide to leave. It should be OK as long as Tara doesn't move. Shit! It's making a nest. In her hair! That can't be good. I have to knock it off her before it makes its nest."
Jax snapped his towel at Tara's head. She immediately jumped to her feet and began swatting at her hair.
"Did you get it? Is it still in my hair?"
Jax's body shook with laughter.
"That will teach you not to pretend to be asleep and then watch me shower. You want to watch me, darlin', do it with your eyes fully open cause you don't want to miss the show."
"No scorpion?"
He shook his head and began laughing again.
The bed was between them. Tara got up and walked around the bed until she was standing in front of Jax who was still sitting on the bed. She shoved him playfully by the shoulders.
"Bastard!"
"Remember the time you shoved me at CaraCara?" he asked her as he got to his feet. "We ended up having sex in the bathroom." (SOA Season 2)
"Of course. It was another stellar Teller performance."
"I like that Stellar Teller. Of course, you come up with that now that my name is no longer Teller."
"It would have just made your ego even bigger. I didn't want you to explode."
"Yeah, right. I can't believe you fell for the scorpion story. You got so stiff and still."
"Your acting was really bad and so was what you were saying. Very cheesy. I only fell for it because once you said scorpion, my fear just drove out everything including logic. There probably aren't even scorpions here. Wrong climate. I should have realized that if there had been a scorpion, you would have just knocked it to the floor and killed it. I freaked out when you told me it was making a nest in my hair. That was mean."
"Payback, baby. You faked being asleep. I could tell by the way you moved when I got back from another round of working out and robot fighting that you were awake. You had your eyes open just enough to see me."
"Now, why would I do that? It doesn't make any sense."
"Sure it does. You wanted to check me out again when I was in the shower."
"I only wanted to check you out to make sure that you didn't need any medical assistance after the robots kicked your ass and threw you to the ground so many times. It was professional. I wanted to make sure you didn't need any medical attention."
"You have my permission to ogle me all you want."
"I should have known you knew I was watching. You were doing shower poses."
"Shower poses?"
"You do shower poses when you think I'm watching."
"Or that's just the way I take a shower."
"You flex your muscles when I'm not watching?"
"OK, you got me there," Jax admitted, flashing her that Jax Turner (formerly Teller) grin. "I don't mind at all that you look at me. If you quit looking, then I'll know I'm in trouble. "You know," he said, slipping an arm around her waist, "you could help save water and join me in the shower. You are always welcome."
"Are you trying to seduce me?"
"You wish. All the Stellar Teller loving is just going to be a memory until you come to your senses and end things with Ryland."
"You're playing hardball, huh?"
"You're a doctor. You know that's not the part that gets hard."
"That's not what I . . ."
Jax didn't need to hear anymore. He kissed her long and hard, losing himself in the sexy way she smelled, the softness of her skin and the sweetness of her lips. No woman had ever compared to her.
She wrapped her arms around him and pulled herself closer to him as though she were trying to fuse her body to his.
"Umm . . . ," she said with a satisfied sigh as he released her. She sat down on the bed suddenly.
"Feeling a little dizzy?"
"Yeah, it's been awhile since you kissed me like that." (Tara's Still Perfectly Imperfect Christmas)
"Too long. You need to eat. Ryland told me you don't have much of an appetite after you collapse, but you need to eat to regain your strength and you have a packet of pills to take after you've eaten."
"Are you going to flip me on the floor and pin me down like you threatened to do back in high school when I didn't want to eat?" (Tara's Story)
"And pinch your nose closed so you have to open your mouth. Don't forget that part."
"Could we just eat in here?"
"Are you feeling OK?"
"Yeah, I just want to eat in here. It feels like a luxury, eating in bed."
"What do you feel like eating?"
Jax thought there was more to Tara's sudden desire to eat in bed. Whenever she wanted to talk to him about something important, she liked to do it in bed. He suspected that was behind her request. It was exactly what he didn't want—another relationship conversation.
"I'd like some indigo to calm me down a bit. I'm feeling a little jittery."
"There is something wrong. You just don't look right."
"Thanks a lot."
"I mean I think there's still something wrong with you. I think you should put that monitor belt around you and then have Ryland look at the results."
"No, I don't want to do that. I'm fine."
"Won't you do it for me?"
"No."
Tara grinned. She was the naughty child testing her caregiver's patience. Jax got that. He just needed a way to outsmart her.
"You want me to pin you down on the bed and put the monitor on you?"
"Yes or you could just pin me down on the bed. We've got this wonderful romantic lighting and when you pin a girl to a bed sometimes things just . . . happen."
Jax caught his breath and shut his eyes for a second to regain control. She was tormenting him using sex. She was diabolical and ruthless and he had never wanted her more.
"OK, this is payback for the scorpion."
"Maybe or you are simply irresistible to me and most of the female population."
Jax pointed his finger at her.
"Remember this Tara, there will be consequences for your behavior."
She burst into laughter.
"Oh, no! I'm scared!"
"Just you wait," he tried to make his voice sound threatening, but he just sounded like every defeated parent who can't talk his kid into behaving.
"What are you going to do?"
"For now, I'm ordering lunch. Last chance to pick what you want or I'll make the decision for you."
"I'd like a vanilla or chocolate milkshake and some French fries and some indigo."
As much as Tara's sexual teasing frustrated him, he enjoyed this fun, playful side to her. When their relationship was at its best, it was light, happy and fun. They had just gotten so weighed down by all the MC shit that they, or mostly him, forgot to spend time together enjoying each other's company. He still couldn't understand how he could have put the MC ahead of Tara and his kids.
While he waited for the robots to make their food, he thought about what kind of father he wanted to be. He realized he had only seen one man who was a truly great father. That was Adam. He and Tara met him and his three kids during their first Christmas together as a couple when he surprised her with a getaway to a cabin in the snow. Adam had been a great father. He and his kids enjoyed spending time together. That was the kind of father he wanted to be. (Tara's Still Perfectly Imperfect Christmas)
He brought the food into his bedroom in two trips. Tara was sitting cross-legged on his bed, her back against the wall. She had changed into a crimson V-necked shirt and she'd cleaned up a bit because the hair around her face was a little damp.
"How are you feeling?" Jax asked. He put their plates down and handed her the vanilla milkshake she requested.
"Better. I'm usually really foggy and weak, but Ryland's Tara packs are great. Thank you for taking care of me. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to call Ryland."
"It was actually OK. He was very professional and told me exactly what I needed to do."
"It's been awhile since you took care of me. Even when my wrist was injured, I didn't need much help."
"I think you needed help, I was just too busy with the MC to see it."
"I remember that I needed to carry a gun with me in the house."
"That was a crazy hell. I see SAMCRO so differently now. I feel like I was in a cult and now I'm free."
"I hoped that you would get to that realization. I'm just surprised that you got there so quickly."
"The conversion kind of helped me see things differently. Like I gained wisdom or something."
"That's common with hybrids."
They finished their food and Jax cleared their dishes away and returned with two glasses filled with indigo.
Tara stretched her legs out in front of her and took one of the glasses from Jax.
"So, what do you want to talk to me about?"
"Am I that transparent?"
"We've got a lot of history. You like to have discussions in bed."
"I just want you to understand why it's so hard for me to make a decision about you and Ryland."
Jax took a quick gulp of his indigo. Another relationship talk. That's what hell must be like—a never ending relationship talk. Well, there was plenty of indigo thanks to Cas and the robots, so there was a bright side.
"So tell me."
"Donna and I talked a lot when I first came back. She told me that when she returned, she couldn't bear to see anything of Opie's life or her kids. It hurt too much for her to see them struggle and there was nothing she could do to help. She sort of thought of them as dead. She left California and went to live with some Paralorns in Maine. She built herself a new life."
"Did that include a boyfriend?"
"I don't think so. Anyway, I wanted to take her advice, but I couldn't. You know me; I always have to do things the hard way. I wanted to see what was going on with you and the kids. It turns out that Donna was right about not watching what was going on because it was too painful.
"Watching the kids was like a dagger to the heart especially seeing them with Gemma. I knew she would poison their minds. I could already see signs of it in Abel. Can you imagine how scared he must have been when he realized that she killed me?"
"I'm worried about Abel. Once we figure out our future, we'll be able to help Abel get through all the Gemma poison. You were right to try to get our boys away from her toxic influence."
"Did you know that she told him that one day he would patch in to SAMCRO and be its president?"
"I don't remember hearing her say that, but it doesn't surprise me. It's back to the cult thing. You get the kids in too."
Tara finished her indigo.
"I'm getting another drink. Do you want one?"
"Sure," he said, draining his glass.
He knew Tara so well. It was this next part that was going to contain the emotional punch to the gut he knew was coming.
She handed him another glass of indigo before curling up on the bed with her glass.
"Humans fall in love. Paralorns fall in love but they also begin to develop an empathy bond. It holds the relationship together. Once Paralorns are married for two or three years, they rarely ever divorce. That bond is too strong."
"Are you trying to tell me that you have formed this bond with Ryland?" Jax's voice was calm, but inside he felt like he was about to get bitch slapped by reality again.
"No. I've only known Ry a couple of weeks. I'm talking about us. If we get back together, we will build this empathy bond. You got a taste of it when you had to experience all the pain you have caused me and I experienced that when I watched what was happening to you after I died. The Paralorns are very good at helping hybrids stay in touch with their former lives if they make that choice. Between the bug in your cut and all the monitors they had placed, I saw much of what was happening to you.
"I know when you felt the pain you have caused me, that was difficult for you. When I watched your life, I can't really figure out the words that describe what I felt, other than it felt like I was in hell. When you experienced how you hurt me, at least you knew that I was OK. I had gotten through everything."
"Adding Gemma taking over with the kids, you must have been out of your mind with misery."
Tara nodded.
"I would watch and I couldn't stop no matter how bad it made me feel. Do you think that's the way it is when you die? You see your loved ones living their lives and you suffer when they suffer and you can't help them?"
"I hope not."
"Watching our boys with Gemma. Thomas is too young to have any memories, but I worried that he was neglected. He should be crawling and trying to talk. Poor Abel. I worried that he would be so scarred with everything he's gone through that he'll end up messed up for the rest of his life."
"I'd spend a few minutes with them here and there, but I wasn't a father. You did most of the parenting because I was too busy pretending to be a brother instead of being a real father."
"Watching what was happening with our boys was bad enough, but Jax, watching you almost killed me. I saw you in prison and watched you brutalize another inmate. When I watched you torture and kill the guy Gemma pointed out as the one who killed me, I felt pure hate for Gemma. I wanted to kill her and not with some nice little bullet to the brain. She knew what her lies would do to you. She saw your torment. She did nothing to help you."
"Ryland told me he had to sedate you after you watched me kill the Chinese guy."
"Did he tell you anything else?"
"He mentioned you were upset over the incident in prison."
"It went beyond that. Ry's the only person who knows this. I was helping him in the medical unit. They have a lot of drugs. I took some and I thought about killing myself. I couldn't stand the pain of watching, but I couldn't stand not watching. I just didn't want to hurt anymore. Ry figured it out before I could end my life. I don't know if I would have taken that step and used the drugs to kill myself. I hated myself for being weak and for being a coward. He helped me find my strength."
"I understand why he's important to you."
"When Donna told me about creating another life, I thought that he could be the answer. I tried to figure out my life. I didn't know that you would end up dead. I always thought you would find some way out. I also had no idea it would happen so soon. Ry's in love with me. I'm not in love with him, but I do love him. He's been really great to me. I started to see my future with him. I think that with some more time, I might eventually fall in love with him."
"I think you are mistaking gratitude for love," Jax said with surprising gentleness.
Tara looked down at her glass of indigo.
"There's a lot to be said for being with someone who makes me feel safe."
"And you'll never have to worry that he'll spin out of control," Jax added.
Tara continued to stare into her glass of indigo. She could have the conversation with Jax, but she couldn't look at him.
"No and I know that he and I could be happy."
"What about us?"
"I don't know."
"So this isn't a decision?"
She shook her head.
"No. I'm still working my way through it. I just want you to understand why this is so hard for me."
"You're worried that we'll build this empathy bond and I'll put you through hell like I did when you were watching me on monitors at the prison and in the house."
She nodded, still unable to look at him.
"You don't know Ryland that well. It's only been a few weeks."
"My mother, Meg, knows him well."
"Is she pushing you into a relationship with him?"
"No. She just wants me to be happy."
"So do I. The Jax you saw spinning out of control is dead literally. I'm not that person anymore. I've grown up through that death experience."
She finally lifted her chin and looked into his sky blue eyes.
"I see that. I like the person you're becoming. I just need some time."
"You told Ryland that I was using sex to get you to break up with him."
Tara's face flushed and she went back to looking into her glass of indigo.
"I did. As soon as the words left my lips, I realized that I was wrong to mention it. I should have kept that between us. I'm sorry."
"That was quick."
She shrugged.
"There's no point arguing. I was wrong. It's this new Jax that has me completely off balance. I never imagined that you would turn down sex."
"I surprised myself, but old Jax was sex first and think maybe later or not at all. New Jax, thinks first. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to prove to you that you can trust me. I'm with you by choice and not because hybrids have limited sexual options."
"Donna told me something interesting."
"With the way you're smiling at me, I'm guessing it has to do with sex. I really don't need details about Donna and Opie's sex life."
"Not details," she said with a smile. "Donna told me that hybrid sex is off the charts great. Longer and better than anything you can imagine."
Tara finished her indigo and put the glass on the nightstand. Jax stood up and put his empty glass next to hers.
"You enjoy tormenting me, don't you?"
She grinned and nodded her head.
"Is that the truth about hybrid sex?"
"Cross my heart," she said, unbuttoning the top three buttons on her crimson top.
"You are a very bad girl."
He grabbed her ankles and pulled her down onto the bed. He straddled her and pinned her to the bed, one hand easily holding her wrists.
"I like where this is going."
"Too bad for you it's not going anywhere. This whole sexual control thing isn't that hard. And remember one thing, I may decide I like not having sex with you. Maybe I'll learn to love celibacy. How are you going to feel about that?"
NEXT UP
Jax learns from Meg the alien's real end game. Tara torments Jax. Ryland returns. Tara makes an important decision. And the three bad things that I've been mentioning for what has seemed like years will actually happen.
This chapter looks fluffy and not much has happened, but their conversations are laying the groundwork for some future plot developments. It was important for Tara to tell Jax just how his spinning out of control hurt her. It's also important to see Jax and Tara changing and trying to figure out their relationship. You get glimpses of what their relationship looked like when they were happy before the MC destroyed everything and you see that it's worth fighting for.
NEXT UP FOR ME
Finishing and posting the last chapter of Tara's Still Perfectly Imperfect Christmas next week. The week after that, I'll post the JaxAlive chapter I've been mentioning.
AND SURPRISE ME BY WRITING A REVIEW. I'M GOOD WITH BAD REVIEWS TOO. I spend so much time writing this and all my stories. The least you can do is dust off your little fingers and help me write a better story.