Promises
"Locket?"
Katniss didn't mean to startle, and the fact that the now intimately familiar voice of Finnick Odair made her start was embarrassing. An unnecessary, petty, small emotion in the arena where she was going to die but it couldn't be helped and by now she was a bit too tired, too preoccupied, to care. After she flinched, Katniss turned to Finnick and raised a brow.
"Locket?" She echoed his question as a challenge, and Finnick huffed a sigh in response. It was good-natured and just a bit teasing.
"I was right there. I may not have super-hearing like you but I like to think I'm not totally useless."
The quip had been in jest, but her chest tightened all the same. Not useless. Far from useless. Unbidden, the memory of his arms around her came to mind- one night ago? Two? Surely not more than that but time was starting to lose its meaning- and Katniss was fairly sure that without his embrace she might not have been able to put herself together.
That embrace and Peeta's locket. Which brought her back to the present.
"Don't get too full of yourself there, Odair," she rebutted, tone as light as it would ever be. Neither of them were fooling each other, but both seemed to have decided it was more enjoyable, easier, to pretend. So Finnick laughed.
"Haven't you heard? It's what I do best." Before Katniss' thoughts could spin out to the other things she wanted to ensure that he could do well but never would, he pressed on. "So- locket?"
She snorted and her lips quirked up in a wry sort of grin. "So you think you're entitled to information because...?"
Finnick, who had been sitting about a foot away suddenly shifted closer, bringing his fingers to her cheek to brush away a few errant locks of hair. Katniss froze, eyes wide as his lips ghosted against her ear.
"Don't you remember?" He whispered, breath warm as it tickled her skin. "Secrets are my talent."
And then, just as soon as it started, Finnick backed away. His entire face was pinched in delight and it was clear that he was holding back a tremendous laugh. Breathlessness hardened into irritation and indignation in her stomach as a few giggles escaped his lips.
"Oh man, Katniss, you should see your face!"
A quick glance confirmed that the pair had garnered the sparse attention of the others. Joanna rolled her eyes in a strange sort of exasperation, Beetee blinked rapidly at them, and Peeta raised a curious eyebrow at her. Katniss shrugged to signal what can you do before she made a shooing motion. He nodded and turned back to Beetee who was resuming ministrations on his specially designed wire. Trying to understand what the inventor was planning soothed him, made him feel as if he had some control over what would happen. Katniss was happy to grant him anything soothing.
It felt so overwhelming normal- all of it. Joanna keeping watch, Beetee working, Peeta learning, and Finnick still laughing at her ruddy complexion. She opened her mouth to give him a tongue lashing when realization dawned.
The darkness had been theirs for as long as they had been in these Games (such a terribly short time, really, and awfully long at the same time). Darkness had kept them safe and offered the illusion of protection from the omni-present prying eyes. But daytime was different. They couldn't afford to forget in the light- not their roles, not their fate. Darkness was for huddling into their combined warmth, daytime was for pressing your scab-covered face against Peeta's to wake him up and laugh at his reaction.
Katniss' jaw clamped shut. She tossed her hair, crossed her arms and turned away from him. The perfect show of haughtiness after being the butt of a practical joke.
Finnick's laugh faded naturally, lapsing in comfortable silence before he inched closer again. Katniss' shoulders relaxed infinitesimally, and she tilted her head to see him in her periphery. Up close and not distracted by his, well his everything, she could take in what she knew he'd rather keep hidden. Lines marred his eyes, criss-crossing at the corners. His mouth seemed outlined in weariness, lips set heavily against flushed skin. His posture wasn't carefree, open, or straight. It sagged like the rest of him. Katniss could almost feel the weighty tiredness that tugged on his limbs.
Up close, he didn't fit the picture of normalcy he helped restore.
Then again, she was sure at this point that those things were always present in him. Just hidden better.
"So you're not going to tell me about the locket," he mused gently. Katniss shrugged and he chuckled. "Alright, alright. Damn, Everdeen, no need to get huffy about it. Where's that smile?"
The cruel thing was that she wanted to. Peeta was presenting a challenge now to her plan, Beetee asked for nothing, and Joanna was Joanna. But here, partially bisected by his shadow, Katniss wanted to follow his tender encouragement and smile.
You are going to die, she told him- herself- mentally. I will and you will and then what good will smiling do?
Oblivious to her reassurance, he ventured to look at where her belongings were secured at her waist. The spile and something far more precious.
"So what about that? Want to talk about that?"
She glared at him before rolling her eyes. Obviously not.
"Too bad you can't fashion that into a wedding ring. Or one of those promise rings-"
"Shut up."
His formerly lulling voice grated on her nerves, and her body instinctively curled around the pearl fastened in its parachute. It was sacred. It was Peeta's, and she refused to taint its purity by whatever this was between her and Finnick. She noticed his expression drop, a little crestfallen, but she was too busy tamping down irritation to question why that might be so. Had it been part of a plan? To engage the Capitol audience, satisfy them without blood? It didn't matter. Some things had to be refused to the lemmings that were glued to their television screen. To Finnick.
"Just making conversation," he replied quietly. She sniffed.
"Then why don't we talk about Annie."
Immediately and without question, Katniss realized she'd crossed a line. Though he was usually so skilled at hiding any change in emotion, Finnick's entire flushed complexion blanched white. His lips parted but any words he tried to speak were lost. His arms trembled, fingers jerking into a fist in the beach's sand.
The worst part, Katniss realized, was that she knew. She may have been focused on Peeta's survival, may not have picked up on many clues that had been thrown her way through the last Games and these, but she had put the pieces together. The poem, Mags' sacrifice, and most blatantly of all Finnick's own cries of the girl's name in the Jabberjay section of the jungle.
She understood that poor, mad, Annie was kept safe by Finnick's silence. And she realized that whatever he said now would be for naught. Deny and it would hurt her and fail to impress Snow. Admit it and throw Annie to the wolves.
Her stomach felt icy and tight all at once, and her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. Not for the first time, she wished that she had Peeta's gift with words. He'd know how to fix this; or better yet, he'd know not to say something so damn stupid in the first place.
Because both of them seemed at a loss for what to say, they let the silence speak for them. At least that relieved them of the liability of making things worse. So for a few long minutes they watched the seawater lap onto the beach. In and out, in and out. Ebb and flow.
Finnick's voice startled her again.
"Hold onto them."
"-What?"
When Katniss turned to look at him, his expression was far from unkind. It was soft and sad and sweet and her insides flipped.
"Your things. That pearl. Promise me you'll hold onto it?"
The request made no sense. He had done so much to protect Peeta and was so naturally quick on the draw that he should know by now that Katniss had no intention of making it out of the arena alive, right? She gaped at him, bemused. It seemed important to him that she say yes. Katniss had no intention of letting the pearl go, even before he asked her to hold onto them.
Strangely, frighteningly, it registered that before his question sunk in it had sounded like Finnick was saying goodbye.
"Yes. I will." She didn't qualify the statement with the fact that she could only do so for a few more hours, a day at the most. It didn't seem like it would sit well with Finnick.
He nodded, smile tinged with relief. "Thanks." And without explanation he stood and walked over to the huddle that Peeta and Beetee were making. Joanna raised an eyebrow questioningly at her but Katniss didn't notice.
She was too consumed with the desire to hold Finnick and keep him from vanishing.
A/N: I'm so sorry for the lateness! Last week was midterms week and I've been a little run down from the stress, weather, and sickness. But everything should be back on track now, plus spring break is coming up so I'll try to have a little something extra out then.
Alright hold onto your hats guys, because with the next chapter comes action! Something I'm a little dreadful at but have to face at some point in my life. And after that comes the biggest departure from canon. Up until now I've only played with time a bit to give them more opportunities to talk but once we hit the end of Catching Fire and the beginning of Mockingjay the plot changes altogether. The chapters will be less chronological oneshots and more cohesive.
Important! I have a poll up on my profile, asking you guys what my next story should be! Vote or PM me- I'd love to write whatever you're yearning to read. I want to start writing while I'm still writing this so I have a larger buffer of chapters and I don't run into this problem.
Thank you for all your lovely reviews and favs- it means so much to me that you're enjoying this! Please continue to tell me what you like and dislike!