I took mythology a lot more seriously since I'd entered my new life.
Often, when I looked back over my first three months as… whatever I was, I imagined how the thread of my life might look in the Fates' loom—who knew but that it actually existed? I was sure my thread must have changed color; I thought it had probably started out as a nice brown, something supportive and non-confrontational, something that would look good in the background. Now it felt like it must be bright crimson, or maybe glistening silver.
The tapestry of family and friends that wove together around me was a beautiful, glowing thing, full of their bright, complementary colors.
I was pleasantly surprised by some of the threads I got to include in my life. The werewolves, with their deep, woodsy colors, were not something I'd expected; Julie of course, and Seth, too. But my old friends Quil and Embry became part of the fabric as they joined Julie's pack, and even Sam and Emily were cordial. The tensions between our families eased. Sam explained that the wolves felt a kinship towards me they couldn't quite explain, and I wasn't going to question it too deeply.
Sue and Liam Clearwater were interlaced into our life, too—two more I had not anticipated.
Sue seemed to have taken it on herself to smooth Charlie's transition into the world of make-believe. She came with him to the Cullens' most days, though she never seemed truly comfortable here the way her younger son and most of Julie's pack did. She did not speak often; she just hovered protectively near Charlie. As I watched their interactions, I couldn't help but smile to myself as I began to recognize the little gestures and actions that belied deeper feelings hidden beneath the surface. I hoped Charlie could see and understand Sue's motivations as well as I could.
Liam was even less comfortable than Sue and was the only part of our recently extended family was openly hostile to the merger. However, he and Julie had a new camaraderie that kept him close to us all. I asked Julie about it once—hesitantly; I didn't want to pry, but the relationship was so different from the way it used to be, and when I had been able to comb back through my human memories leading up to my change I found myself replaying the conversation between Liam and myself the day he had confronted me. What Liam had said, the passion with which he had defended Julie had gotten me thinking, coupled with the little nuances I had noticed in how Liam acted around and responded to Julie. Surely, when they were in their wolf forms, Liam's thoughts and feelings would have been obvious to Julie given their telepathy, but Julie didn't seem to quite catch on the way I thought she would so my curiosity won out. She had shrugged and told me it was a just a pack thing. Liam was Julie's second-in-command now, her "beta," as I'd called it once long ago.
"I figured as long as I was going to do this Alpha thing for real," Julie explained, "I'd better nail down the formalities."
"Mm," I had responded, raising my eyebrow. "How does Liam feel about it? Like, truly feel about it?"
"What do you mean?" Julie asked, puzzled.
"I mean, the whole wolf-telepathy thing," I waved my fingers around my head to emphasize my words. "You probably know better than he lets on?"
Julie had frowned at that, "Not really. Liam's gotten really good at only sharing the thoughts he wants me to hear, which is weird. I don't get why he's being so careful."
"Why indeed." I stifled a laugh. Julie would figure it out eventually.
Liam's new responsibility as Julie's second, coupled with what my intuition informed me was a deeper desire, made Liam feel the need to check in with Julie often, and since Julie was often at the house…
Liam was not happy to be near us, but he was the exception. Happiness was the main component in my life now, the dominant pattern in the tapestry. So much so that my relationship with Jasper was now much closer than I'd ever dreamed it would be.
At first I was rather annoyed, though.
"Yeesh!" I complained to Edyth one night as we were undressing. "If I haven't killed Charlie or Sue yet, it's probably not going to happen. I wish Jasper would stop hovering all the time!"
"No one doubts you, Bella, not in the slightest," she assured me. "You know how Jasper is—he can't resist a good emotional climate. You're so happy all the time, love, he gravitates toward you without thinking."
And then Edyth hugged me tightly, because nothing pleased her more than my overwhelming ecstasy in this new life.
And I was euphoric the vast majority of the time. The days were not long enough for me to get my fill of my family and my friends—long phone conversations with Jeremy and Allen included; the nights did not have enough hours to satisfy my need for Edyth.
There was a flipside to the joy, though. If you turned the fabric of our lives over, I imagined the design on the backside would be woven in the bleak grays of doubt and fear.
We still weren't entirely sure what I was. The best we could decide was that I was a half-vampire, though there was no precedent for such a thing. Julie occasionally teased that I was one-fourth vampire, one-fourth werewolf, and two-fourths human. This, despite the fact that she meant it as a joke, didn't seem out of the question.
For one thing, there was the strange connection I felt to the wolves—different from when I was human—it was something beyond friendship or caring. I had noticed it first when Sam and his fellow pack brothers from Julie's pack had come to confront us when I had first changed. It was like I could almost hear their thoughts when they were in wolf form. It wasn't mind-reading like Edyth, though. It was like I could sense the feel of their thoughts. There was the one moment that stuck out in my mind with particular importance.
When we had been waiting for Sam's decision, I had wished I could know what he was thinking—what the pack was thinking—and for the briefest, fleeting moment I could have sworn I had gotten that wish. It had truly been a millisecond, but I remembered the feeling with crystalline clarity; first, I had felt the sensation of something shifting in my mind, followed by a sudden burst of feelings that weren't my own. It had ended as soon as it had started. But something else had happened in that moment; Alice had reacted to something at the same time I had felt that shift. So much had happened that I hadn't thought about it much. It would be wrong to say I had forgotten; I forgot nothing now, I merely moved thoughts out of the forefront of my mind until I was ready to address them again.
When I had asked Alice what had happened from her perspective, she was hesitant to answer me at first. After some prying, she finally admitted what had happened.
"I didn't want to mention it, and Edyth agreed," she began, "but there was a moment where… Well, where…"
"Where what, Alice?"
"I could see the wolves." She said, barely above a whisper.
I stared at her, dumbstruck for half a second. Alice's visions were blocked by the wolves, it had been an interesting dilemma to work around when they were involved in any of our decision making. "You mean you could see the wolves?"
"Yes, that's why I knew everything would be alright," her eyes became distant, like she was focusing on something. "It was just the one time, though. I could see their future. It was just a flash, and then it went dark again. It hasn't happened since then."
"What changed?" I asked.
She looked at me for what felt like a long second. "I'm not sure, Bella. But something tells me it had to do with you. What you are."
"Me?"
"I see vampires because I am one, I see humans because I was one," she had told me this before, "I can't see the pack because I have no connection to them, but maybe you do. And maybe because I have a connection to you, and maybe you have a connection to them…" She trailed off.
"I could feel their thoughts, for just a second, that day." I said quietly. "It was weird."
She contemplated this for a moment, before shrugging. "Well, it hasn't happened again. All dark when they're involved."
"All dark…" I repeated.
She watched me for a second, then sighed dramatically. "I swear, if you don't let me teach you how to use your closet soon, I'm going to lose my mind."
When I had discussed the matter with Carlisle and Edyth, they had explained that they had already discussed it privately, to my mild annoyance. Edyth told me they hadn't wanted to worry me too much, perhaps it was a strange fluke, perhaps it was signs of some sort of extra power my vampire nature had given maybe it's not forever. Either way, there were more pressing matters to attend to. Matters that had undercut my happiness.
The source of my chagrin was a journey that had to be made, a very important and potentially dangerous journey that I felt had to be a solo trip.
This was the only argument that Edyth and I had gotten in since I'd changed. The main point of the contention was the "solo" part. But the facts were what they were, and my plan was the only one that made rational sense. I had to go see the Volturi, and I had to do it absolutely alone.
Even freed from my old nightmares, from any dreams at all, it was impossible to forget the Volturi. Nor did they leave us without reminders.
Until the day that Aro's present showed up, I didn't know that Alice had sent a wedding announcement to the Volturi leaders; we'd been far away on Esme's island when she'd seen a vision of Volturi soldiers—Jane and Alec, the devastatingly powerful twins, among them. Caius was planning to send a hunting party to see if I was still human, against their edict (because I knew about the secret vampire world, I either must join it or be silence… permanently). So Alice mailed the announcement, seeing that this would delay them as they deciphered the meaning behind it. But they would come eventually. That was certain.
The present itself was not overtly threatening. Extravagant, yes, almost frightening in that very extravagance. The treat was in the parting line of Aro's congratulatory note, written in black ink on a square of heavy, plain white paper in Aro's own hand:
I so look forward to seeing the new Mrs. Cullen in person.
The gift was presented in an ornately carved, ancient wooden box inlaid with gold and mother-of-pearl, ornamented with a rainbow of gemstones. Alice said the box itself was a priceless treasure, that it would have outshone just about any piece of jewelry besides the one inside it.
"I always wondered where the crown jewels disappeared to after John of England pawned them in the thirteenth century," Carlisle said. "I suppose it doesn't surprise me that the Volturi have their share."
The necklace was simple—gold woven into a rope of a chain, almost scaled, like a smooth snake that would curl close around the throat. One jewel hung suspended from the rope: a white diamond the size of a golf ball.
The unsubtle reminder in Aro's note interested me more than the jewel. The Volturi needed to see that I was immortal, that the Cullens had been obedient to the Volturi's orders, and they needed to see this soon. They could not be allowed near Forks. There was only one way to keep our life here safe.
"You're not going alone," Edyth had insisted through her teeth, her hands clenching into fists.
"They won't hurt me," I'd said as soothingly as I could manage, forcing my voice to sound sure. "They have no reason to. I'm a not human anymore. Case closed."
"No. Absolutely no. You may not be human but you're not a true vampire, Bella."
"Edyth, it's the only way to protect everything. If Aro reads your mind, he'll know how close we are to the wolves. If Aro sees that we've made alliances with the pack we could put them—and us—in danger. I'm the only one that Aro can't read."
And she hadn't been able to argue with that. My logic was watertight.
Given my new connection to the wolves, I had dedicated myself to learning as much as I could about them. Billy Black obliged with more of the Quileute history than I had previously known, and Carlisle had told me everything he knew about werewolves. Most distressingly, was the history the Volturi had with werewolves.
The Volturi had never, to any of our combined knowledge, met the Quileute, but they had met werewolves in the past. Met them, hated them, and hunted them. The Volturi had tried to wipe them out in the past—a particular passion of Caius, destroying werewolves. I knew that if the Volturi found out about our alliance with the Pack, they wouldn't be happy.
My status as a half-vampire was a concern, but the Volturi didn't need to know it was Julie's involvement that had made me a half-vampire. We'd just have to come up with as good of a story as we could, and Aro wouldn't be able to see the lie in my protected thoughts. Theoretically, a half-vampire was better than no vampire at all, right?
One of Edyth's concerns lay in something that even I knew about Aro in the short time that I'd known him. He was a collector—and his most prized treasures were his living pieces. He coveted beauty, talent, and rarity in his immortal followers more than any jewel locked in his vaults. It was unfortunate enough that he'd begun to covet Alice's and Edyth's abilities. If the Volturi accepted my half-vampire status, Edyth feared I would give Aro more reason to be jealous of Carlie's family. By Edyth's appraisal, I was beautiful and gifted and unique—I was one of a kind.
But Alice saw no trouble with my trip, though she was worried by the indistinct quality of her visions. She said they were sometimes similarly hazy when there were outside decisions that might conflict but that had not been solidly resolved. This uncertainty made Edyth, already hesitant, extremely opposed to what I had to do. She wanted to come with me as far as my connection to London, but I worried having Edyth anywhere near the Volturi. Carlisle was coming instead. It made both Edyth and me a little more relaxed, knowing that Carlisle would only be a few hours away from me.
Alice kept searching for the future, but the things she found were unrelated to what she was looking for. A new trend in the stock market; a possible visit of reconciliation from Ivan, though his decision was not firm; a snowstorm that wouldn't hit for another six weeks; a call from Renée (I was practicing my "rough" voice, and getting better at it every day—to Renée's knowledge, I was still sick, but mending).
We bought the tickets for Italy the day after the three month anniversary of my changing. I planned for it to be a short trip, so I hadn't told Charlie about it. Julie knew, and she took Edyth's view on things. She wanted to discuss it with me in private.
Julie and I had gone out to the woods for our talk, and to get away from the business of the house for a little bit. She offered to change into her wolf form and hunt with me for a bit.
Hunting wasn't as strictly necessary for me as it was for Edyth and the other Cullens. I could still eat human food and it satisfied me very well, though I still needed blood. I had experimented with my diet for a few weeks. I found a lack of blood made me feel more sluggish. It dulled my more supernatural senses. I had gone the last three weeks without hunting and my thirst was much stronger, though still not unmanageable. Physically, we had discovered that a lack of blood almost seemed to lessen my vampire nature. I was slower and not as strong as I would have otherwise been. Looking at me, my skin was still pale and free of imperfections, but my eyes looked less luminous and more like they had when I was human. My heart was beating faster than it had before, closer to a human meter. It was ironic, abstaining from blood made it easier to pass for a true human, but the increased strain the thirst caused made it more dangerous.But then again when i did drink blood my heart would only beat so many times like it will stop in the future making me a full vampire.
"A hunt wouldn't be the worst thing," I mused. "I'm getting tired of being so slow."Although It's weird it feels like my heart is getting Even slower. I don't think all this is permanent.
"You're getting tired of it?" Julie snorted. "I feel like I'm walking with a snail."
"Ha, ha." I rolled my eyes. "Before we hunt, let's get it over with. Tell me all the reasons why you think I shouldn't be going to Italy."
Julie tensed, she shifted uncomfortably, and I strange look passed over her face. "Well, about that…"
"What's wrong?"
"I don't think you should be going alone, for the record." She said quickly. "I don't like it. I get why you're doing it, but I don't like it."
"Okay, well, you're taking it better than Edyth." I chuckled. "But I thought you wanted to come out here so you could convince me not to go?"
She didn't answer, shifting her weight again. I raised my eyebrow expectantly.
The narrow meadow we were standing in was very still, very empty. The fluttering snow was thinning above me, almost gone. Alice had seen that it wouldn't stick for many weeks.
"Here's the thing, Bella," Julie began slowly, "You're my best friend. And we've been through a lot together…"
"Yes," I said slowly, confused.
"And I'm happy for you, Bella. I'm really happy for you and Edyth. You guys are great together, and I'm sorry it took me so long to see that."
I blinked, watching her struggle through her speech.
"I hate that it took you almost dying for me to realize having you as my best friend was more than enough."
"Be fair to yourself, Jules." I sighed, "things were complicated and it wasn't all your fault."
"Sure, sure." She said, then she paused for a long second. "Bella?"
"Yes?"
"You want me to be happy, right?"
A dim memory of a conversation between Julie and myself came to the forefront of my mind; "I hope, beyond anything, that you find someone who makes you happy because you deserve to be happy, Julie. You deserve to find someone who loves you."
The memory was dim, because it was a human one. Back when Julie first found out I was dying, and I had tried to say goodbye to her. I had meant the words, and I still did. Nothing would make me happier than to know Julie was truly happy.
"Of course I do, Jules," I smiled. "You know I do."
"Okay, right," Julie shifted again, "because, well, here's the thing—"
"Liam told you how he feels about you?" I guessed, fighting a wide grin.
Julie's eyes grew wide with disbelief, her mouth went slack. "What?"
I furrowed my brows, "Liam! He finally told you how he feels about you, right?"
Julie blinked a few times, "Liam… feels about me?"
Now I was confused, "Yeah, didn't he…" Julie's surprised expression told me what her words did not. "Liam… didn't tell you."
"Liam hasn't said anything to me," Julie swallowed, "But I… I mean, I don't know, the last few weeks I just… I've been thinking about him a lot and, well, I don't know. We've just been connecting and—Does Liam like me?"
"Oh, god, Liam's going to rip me apart." I groaned.
"Wait, wait, wait," Julie grabbed my shoulders. "Did Liam tell you he likes me?"
"Not exactly," I winced. "But when he came to yell at me that day, the way he talked about you, Jules. I mean, if he doesn't like you then he thinks the world of you."
"So you're basing this off of a rant from almost four months ago?" Julie's face fell.
"No, it's not just that. It's the way Liam is around you. The way he looks at you when you're not looking. The way he gets… I guess it would be jealous when you tell me you love me or we're spending a lot of time together."
"Really?" a spark lit up Julie's eyes.
"That's why I asked you a the other week how Liam feels about everything, if you heard anything when you were connected. I figured he would have let it slip in his thoughts—"
Julie clapped her hand to her forehead. "That's why he's been so careful when we're phased…"
I grinned. "Well, looks like you're going to have to be the one to tell him how you feel."
Julie nodded slowly, then she stopped, and her eyes met mine. "Bella, are you… okay with that?"
I furrowed my brows again, confused. "Why wouldn't I be, Jules?"
"Well, after everything that's happened… After me being so, uh,stubborn about us being a thing… You don't think I'm the worst because I like Liam, do you?"
I burst out laughing. "Julie Black, you're ridiculous."
"Hey, come on, I'm trying to be honest and open here."
I reached up to hold her face in my hands, "Julie Black. You are my best friend in the whole world, I want nothing but happiness for you. If you like Liam I think you should tell him and see where things go because you deserve to be happy." I laughed, "I mean, I got everything I wanted, didn't I? I have Edyth, the Cullens, I still have all my human friends and family. It's about time you got some happiness, too."
Julie smiled and pulled me into a tight hug. "Thanks, Bella. I'm sorry about everything that went wrong. But I'm glad I've got you for a best friend now."
"Now and forever, Jules."
"Sure, sure." She chuckled.
"Just don't tell Liam I said he liked you." I warned, pulling away from the hug.
Jules laughed, "Yeah, that's probably for the—" Her voice cut off with a sharp intake of breath. Her eyes went wild as she scanned the area.
"Jules, what is it?" I asked, sniffing the air. My senses really were dulled, I couldn't sense anything.
"Vampire." She growled, "I don't recognize the scent." She leapt back from me, and by the time she hit the ground again she was in her wolf form, the shreds of her clothes fluttering to the ground.
My eyes swept the area, searching for danger. First the trees, then the mountainside. As my eyes flitted across the edge of a distant cliff, standing out starkly blue-gray against the green-black forest, a glint of silver—or was it gold?—gripped my attention.
My gaze zeroed in on the color that shouldn't have been there, so far away in the haze that an eagle wouldn't have been able to make it out. I stared.
He stared back.
That he was a vampire was obvious. His skin was marble white, the texture a million times smoother than human skin. Even under the clouds, he glistened every so slightly. If his skin had not given him away, his stillness would have. Only vampires and statues could be so perfectly motionless.
His hair was pale, pale blond, almost silver. This was the gleam that had caught my eye. It hung straight as a ruler down to his chin.
He was a stranger to me. I was absolutely certain I'd never seen him before, even as a human. None of the faces in my muddy memory were the same as this one. But I knew him at once from his dark golden eyes.
Ivan had decided to come after all.
For one moment I stared at him, and he stared back. I wondered if he would guess immediately who I was as well. I half-raised my hand, about to wave, but his lip twisted the tiniest bit, making his face suddenly hostile.
Julie growled at my side, her enormous body wrought with tension. Ivan's eyes jerked reflexively to the sound when it echoed to him a few seconds later. His eyes narrowed, and I imagined what it must look like from his perspective. An enormous russet werewolf, perhaps the very one who had killed his Laurent. How long had Ivan been watching us? Long enough to see our affectionate exchange, I was sure.
Ivan's face spasmed in pain.
Instinctually, I opened my hands in front of me in an apologetic gesture. He turned back to me, and his lip curled back over his teeth, his jaw unlocked as he growled.
When the faint sound reached me, he had already turned and disappeared into the forest.
"Crap!" I groaned.
I pulled out my cell phone and hit the speed dial. Edyth answered on the first ring. Julie remained tense at my side.
"Come, bring Carlisle," I trilled so fast I wondered if Julie could keep up. "I saw Ivan and he saw me, but he also saw Jules phase and Ivan got mad and ran away, I think. He hasn't shown up here—yet, anyway—but he looked pretty upset so maybe he will. If he doesn't, you and Carlisle have to go after him and talk to him. I feel so bad."
Julie rumbled.
"Oh," I added, "and bring some clothes for Jules."
"We'll be there in half a minute," Edyth assured me, and I could hear the whose of the wind her running made.
We waited silently, listening carefully for the sound of an approach we did not recognize.
When the sound came, though, it was very familiar. And then Edyth was at my side, Carlisle a few seconds behind holding a bundle of clothing. I was surprised to hear the heavy pad of big paws following behind Carlisle. I supposed I shouldn't have been shocked. With the threat of a strange vampire, of course Julie would call in reinforcements.
"Ivan was up on that ridge," I told them at once, pointing out the spot. If Ivan was fleeing, he already had quite a head start. Would he stop and listen to Carlisle? His expression before made me think not. "Maybe you should call Emmett and Jasper and have them come with you. Ivan looked... really upset. He growled at me."
"What?" Edyth said angrily.
Carlisle put a hand on her arm. "He's grieving. I'll go after him."
"I'm coming with you," Edyth insisted.
They exchanged a long glance—perhaps Carlisle was measuring Edyth's irritation with Ivan against her helpfulness as a mind reader. Finally, Carlisle nodded, he handed me the clothes, and they took off to find the trail without calling for Jasper or Emmett.
Julie huffed impatiently and poked my back with her nose.
"Oh, sorry, Jules." I held the clothes out and she gingerly took them with her teeth, she turned to run back to the trees but not before giving me a pointed glance and nodding her head toward Seth and Liam.
I turned to face them. Seth had an odd, wolfish grin on his big face. Liam, however, looked like he wanted to snap my head off.
"Crap." I said again.
I was wondering if I'd be able to outrun Liam, but then he let out a huffing sound like a laugh, shook his head, and winked at me.
"I'm sorry, Liam. I thought she knew."
Liam rolled his eyes before turning to run back toward the house, Seth followed, still grinning.
Julie joined me a second later. "How bad is it?" She asked, adjusting the waistband of her new pants.
"Liam? Or Ivan?" I asked darkly.
She didn't clarify as we sprinted after Liam and Seth.