AN: I don't know where these chapters keep coming from, I swear.
Chapter Note: Slight AU, in which Chizuru is a normal human woman and Okita does not have tuberculosis. Also a play off of Okita's route in Zuisouroku, where Chizuru impersonates a geisha in order to help the Shinsengumi.
Sake Drops in Teacups
Part IV: Cold Feet
Chizuru wasn't sure how she did it, but she managed to find the kitchens without anyone spotting her.
It was early morning after her arrival to the Shinsengumi headquarters, and she had barely been able to sleep at all in the precious few hours before morning broke. She'd dressed for the day in a simple yellow kimono, one of the few pieces of clothing she owned. But since no one had come to get her, and no one seemed to be around, she had to wonder.
What should I do while I'm here?
"A woman in the compound will be distracting to the men," Sannan said, though he wore somewhat of a resigned smile.
"Might make 'em a bit more lively, but…" Shinpachi glanced at Souji, who sat leaning against the wall with his sword propped against his leg. His smirk was lazy, but his eyes were still sharp.
"I don't think it'll be a problem," Souji said simply.
Harada's brow rose in amusement. "Not for your sword, anyway."
"We don't need any more challenges in recruiting new men," Hijikata said flatly. "You better hope no one forgets who she is, or there'll be hell to pay, Souji."
"I pity the man that does," Harada remarked.
Ignoring Hijikata, Souji turned his grin on Saito, who remained his typical reserved self.
"Have anything to add, Hajime-kun?" he asked lightly. Though by the look in the stoic man's eyes, he knew what Souji was really asking. Will you tell me it's a bad idea too?
"Regardless of what I may think, you've already made up your mind," Saito said. His expression didn't change much, but Souji noticed the slightly rueful gleam in his eyes.
Souji smirked. Good ol' Hajime-kun.
Their impromptu meeting broke up soon afterward, when Harada pointed out that Heisuke (late sleeper that he was) would probably be complaining about breakfast soon. Shinpachi lamented on cue, that his stomach was already growling.
It was Saito and Harada's day, but even Souji got curious when he heard Harada's surprised voice carrying on from the kitchens.
"What's going on—" Souji couldn't help his own surprise.
Chizuru wiped her hands on a washcloth and met him with a beaming smile. She tucked her hands together and bowed, a pretty blush staining her cheeks. "Good morning, Okita-san."
She'd obviously been busy. Even now there was a large pot of stew simmering, rice cooking, and sides of vegetables prepared. It did smell more delicious than anything the guys could concoct.
Harada shot him a look, crossed between amused and suspicious. "You didn't put her up to this, did you?"
Okita sent him a bland smile in response. Saito only peered at the bowl of tofu she'd set aside with interest.
"Forgive me for being so presumptuous," Chizuru spoke up again. She held her hands in front of her, ducking her head sheepishly. "I just wanted to do something...useful."
"Oi, what smells so good in here?" Shinpachi peeked his head in, smiling when he saw his friends, and wider still to see Chizuru.
"I heard you were gunna be staying here, Chizuru-chan. Oooh, did you cook for us?"
Shinpachi started bulldozing his way in before Chizuru could even respond, but Harada stopped him.
"All right, it's too crowded in here. Let's let Souji help her with the rest then," he said.
"Isn't it technically your day for kitchen duty?" Souji remarked. He didn't like people volunteering him for things, though he wasn't particularly bothered by it this time. Even when Harada shot him a knowing smile he wasn't altogether happy about.
Smiling slightly, Saito followed them after Harada pushed Shinpachi out of the kitchen.
Souji finally turned to Chizuru, who was already preparing trays with bowls and things for serving. She'd even boiled the tea. Her small, dainty hands moved deftly, and though she hadn't had all the natural talents of a geisha, it was clear she was very good at this.
It reminded him of that day.
"Ah…yes, I can make tea."
"I guess that means you cook for yourself too."
"Of course," she said. Suspicion crept into her gaze as she frowned. She had to be wondering what he was on about.
"Would you cook for me?" he hedged. "Anything I wanted? I have a feeling you would spoil me."
In his imagination, she hadn't been cooking for all the Shinsengumi captains. Actually, Souji had the sudden urge to trap her where she stood against the counter and let the rest of that little fantasy of his play out.
Instead, he stood close behind her. Chizuru was so lost in her task that she'd forgotten about him. He smirked devilishly and leaned in, just next to her ear.
"Chizuru-chan.~"
She jumped with a loud yelp. Luckily for her, she managed not to knock anything over. She aimed a disgruntled look at him over her shoulder, but the moment she locked eyes with his gleaming ones, the protest died on her tongue.
"I think like it when you're presumptuous." His voice was like velvet, a secret just for her ears only. She shivered, making him smirk wider as she blushed. She tried at a smile that was just a bit nervous.
"Would you like to help?" she asked.
Not really, she seemed to have things in hand. And he liked watching her do something she clearly enjoyed. But if she insisted.
"Where do you want me?" he teased. His lips were a whisper away from the shell of her ear. Her breath hitched, and she tried not to look at him. Souji didn't touch her, though he really wanted to. He settled for moving her hair away from her neck, damp with sweat from all the heat in the kitchen. He thought it was weird that she didn't have it pinned up.
Chizuru cleared her throat. She tried taking a step back, but that only pushed her back straight into his chest. He could see the bright flush spreading down her neck. "I-If you could just…"
"Hmm?~"
"Help me with…with setting the trays?"
"Sure thing."
Souji stepped away from her suddenly, and with ease. Well, to her it might've seemed that way, but it actually took some effort to force himself away and do something productive. Any longer and he was sure one of the guys would come barging in, complaining that the food wasn't out yet.
He helped Chizuru bring out everything she'd prepared, handing her utensils and bowls when she needed them. Though he didn't really like the days when it was his turn for kitchen duty, it was worth it enough to see the little grateful smile she would give him as he helped her. He could tell that she was enjoying herself, but if he were more honest, it was probably that she was enjoying doing something as simple as this…with him.
Damn it. Since when did I get to be such a sap? he wondered ruefully.
Hijikata wasn't particularly happy that Chizuru had supplanted Harada and Saito out of their responsibilities, but despite how Souji often teased him, the man wasn't dumb. It was something she could do, while she's here, as he'd said. Souji had snorted to himself.
Where else was she going to go?
It went on like that for a while. She cooked their meals and washed after herself, and cleaned their dishes too. Rarely did she let them help either. Only if Souji teased her into a frenzy, did she finally give in. There was a real stubborn streak hidden under that soft demeanor.
When they left the headquarters for supplies and ingredients, she would give them tips about what to bring back from town. When Shinpachi scored a rip in his haori, Chizuru mended it for him, almost as if it had never been torn in the first place. Little by little, she was finding ways to be useful, and Souji was beginning to notice how resourceful she was. There were a lot of things he was starting to notice about Yukimura Chizuru.
He knew why she was trying so hard, and it was endearing as it was somewhat…annoying for him. If she was supposed to be a normal girl now, why was she forced to cater to a bunch of men, all of them dangerous (including himself)? She couldn't leave the compound without permission, and she couldn't exactly wander around that much. But there was only so much he could do for her.
Had she just traded one cage for another?
After two weeks, Chizuru was finally starting to feel like she was doing something. Something that mattered. The captains seemed to like her food (even Hijikata hadn't seemed so dour after the first time he'd tried the stew she made).
Luckily, many men in the Shinsengumi had been going to Shimabara for a long time. The captains she knew fairly well—Harada, Shinpachi, and Heisuke had been the most constant patrons. Though she was noticing that even Saito, though a quieter man, had interesting thoughts and insights. She got the feeling he was a deep thinker, and just as fiercely loyal as any of them.
The thing was, as Harada had made sure to point out to her (without being in Souji's range of hearing), there were other men in the troop that recognized her face, if not who she was. There was a good chance she'd attract attention without meaning to, and not the kind of attention she wanted from anyone else. She understood that, better than most.
But one day, as she was washing up some laundry, a young man stood in front of her as she knelt at the wash bucket.
"Well hello again, Chizuru-chan."
She blinked up at him curiously. He looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place his face.
"Good afternoon. Can I help you?"
The young man chuckled and squatted so that they were on eye-level. "I knew it was you. Same pretty face."
She had to lean away from him as his eyes roamed over her. There was something about him that she remembered.
"Oh! Aren't you a member of Okita-san's unit?"
He smiled slightly, acknowledging that fact with a nod. He straightened then, offering her a playful bow and a wink. "Yatsudora Kenta. I'm hurt you don't remember me, Chizuru-chan."
The way her name rolled off his tongue made her a bit nervous. She recognized the flirtatiousness of his tone, but not what he aimed to do in the middle of the temple in broad daylight. Her eyes shifted to her surroundings, seeing if she could spot any one of the captains. If she remembered right, Eighth and Tenth Divisions were out on patrol today.
"You don't have to look so nervous," Yatsudora laughed. His attractive brown eyes glittered with humor, which she suddenly remembered earned many of her friends' attentions at the Sumiya. To her, they had a similar gleam as Katsura's had. "I just wanted to say hi. Heard Okita brought you here."
"Yes," Chizuru said eventually. She really wanted to get back to the laundry. If she didn't finish soon, it would put her behind schedule on other chores.
"I thought, since you'll be here for a while, that we could reacquaint ourselves," he said, with an air of nonchalance. But he took her wrist when she tried to deny him her hand, and forced her to stand along with him. His eyes peered into hers. "Can't we be friends, Chizuru-chan? I doubt Okita would mind sharing—"
Yatsudora yelped as he was nearly choked at the collar, yanked back several steps until he stumbled to the ground.
Framed with the bright noon sun behind him, at first, Chizuru didn't recognize him until he spoke.
"Yatsudora, I believe your division is supposed to be in training," Saito said. His tone was flat, as usual, but his blue eyes were biting cold. The younger man looked like he wanted to protest, but when Saito rested his hand on the hilt of his blade, Yatsudora's wits seemed to return to him. He scrambled to his feet, mollified, though his eyes showed his irritation.
"Yes, Captain."
"If you can't perform your duty, then be prepared for the consequences next time," Saito said. His hand tightened almost imperceptibly on the sword. Yatsudora paled. Bowing deeply, he then stalked off in the opposite direction and back to the training hall.
After a beat of tense silence, Chizuru bowed her head low.
"I-I'm sorry, Saito-san," she said nervously. "I should've—"
"It's for eventualities such as these that we cautioned Souji against this," he said. It was neither kind nor cruel, but it hit Chizuru like a slap all the same.
"While it isn't necessarily your fault, these are the effects of his choice. Be mindful in the future, and more vigilant," he cautioned. She nodded vigorously, apologizing again.
"Apologizing is unnecessary." Saito paused, his eyes flicking to hers. "It's also unnecessary to tell Souji of what happened here."
Chizuru thought about it, but she soon saw his point. It wouldn't be right to worry him needlessly. The last thing she wanted to become was a burden.
"I understand," she said.
"Good," he said, and soon he was gone. Chizuru sighed and gathered up the laundry.
She would just have to do better, that's all. Much better.
"I think he's finished, Souji," Harada drawled.
Yatsudora was panting and sweating, definitely more than a little bruised as he tried and failed spectacularly at trying to stand. He was also failing to hide a glare at his own captain. Souji sighed, lowering his training sword.
"How boring," he sighed.
"Don't you know how to hold back at all?" Heisuke said. He was grinning, but he looked sorry for the guy.
Souji shrugged. "Where's the fun in that?"
Harada wasn't about to point out that it was actually Souji who challenged the kid for a spar. Souji called it "training," and the consequence of missing some of his duties the day before, but there was a reason only the captains ever sparred with Souji. He'd nearly broken the younger man's left arm with his first strike, and it had only gotten uglier from there.
But Harada wasn't the only one to spot the way Souji's eyes hardened, glinting even though he smirked in his usual devil-may-care way.
"If you were just going to embarrass yourself, you shouldn't have pretended to be a challenge," he said, his smirk stretching. "Next time, I might just gut you and be done with it."
Yatsudora said nothing, but his irritation followed by the way he lowered his gaze spoke volumes.
Harada shared a look with Saito, who fairly rolled his eyes.
Souji had issues. But this at least, Harada understood.
when Kondou entered a room, people took notice. Not just because he was the Chief of the Shinsengumi, but because his presence seemed to light every corner of the room. Chizuru could tell by how often he smiled, the man preferred to be jovial and approachable rather than stern. Perhaps he left that to Hijikata, but Kondou was the kind of person no one could stay unaffected by his charm, along with his boisterous laugh.
Today he came into the common room with Hijikata, where the other captains had been told to gather. Chizuru had prepared tea for them all, but it looked like they wouldn't need it. Kondou had brought enough sake for everyone.
The doors were open, giving them a wonderful view of the cherry blossoms that had finally bloomed outside. Chizuru had just swept the courtyard of all the dead leaves and twigs, so it really was a lovely scene.
"We've all been so busy lately, but we shouldn't be too lost in our work that we pass up the chance to savor a beautiful spring day," he said, patting Souji's shoulder as he offered a warm smile. Souji's grin softened for Kondou.
"As usual, you say it best, Kondou-san."
The older man laughed and continued their conversation out in the courtyard.
Chizuru smiled to herself. She had gathered tokkuri flasks and begun serving the other men, falling into familiar habits as she quietly accepted thanks from Shinpachi, Heisuke, and even Saito who took part with a cup.
"Aw, you know you don't have to do that, Chizuru-chan," Harada said. His smile was charming, but the difference with Harada was she knew he was always sincere. He was an honest, kind man who considered the thoughts and feelings of others.
"It only makes sense if I do it, right?" She smiled a little impishly. Harada chuckled.
"I see Souji's rubbing off on you," he said. "Just know, you've been helping us a lot, and we appreciate it. But none of us expect that kind of thing from you. Don't feel like you have to."
"Not at all," she protested. "I like helping. And if I can do any small thing, it means you all can focus on what's important."
Harada eyes widened a little, but eventually he smiled. His gaze turned heavenward as he took a sip from his cup. "He does have some amazing luck."
Chizuru blinked in confusion. "What?"
"Don't worry about it." He shook his head, though his smile remained in place. Heisuke soon came over, already with a suspicious blush on his cheeks and a too-wide smile.
"Chizuru-chaan! Could I get a refill?"
"How many have you had already?" Harada remarked. Heisuke waved him off.
"Just one or two. Could you serve me another one, Chizuru-chan? You're still so good at it!"
Chizuru smiled, but she happened to glance over where Hijikata was sitting with Sannan close by. His sharp violet gaze flicked toward the courtyard. Kondou and Souji were still talking outside. He frowned a warning at Heisuke. "You've had enough."
Sannan smiled in that deceptively placid way of his. "If you're so intent on getting drunk inside the compound, you should pour your own drinks, Heisuke-kun."
"I don't mind," Chizuru said. She had already gone through the trouble of refilling the tokkuri, but something stopped her. She couldn't quite explain it. Maybe it was the subtle strain of tension she sensed between the Commander and Heisuke, and even Harada who silently watched.
"I-I'm not drunk!" Heisuke refuted. "What's the big deal? It's not like she hasn't done it before."
"He's right."
Their heads snapped to Souji, who stood in the entryway with Kondou beside him. While the other man took a seat beside Hijikata, Souji crossed his arms and sat against the wall, his sword propped against his shoulder like usual. His expression looked impassive as he smiled.
"It doesn't really matter," he added.
"Eh?" Heisuke uttered. His smile was a touch nervous.
"I don't mind if Chizuru plays geisha for Heisuke-kun," Souji's lips curved into a smirk. "In return, I'm sure he'll be free to be my sparring partner tomorrow."
Chizuru didn't know what it meant that Heisuke seemed to pale and immediately start backtracking. He claimed that maybe he'd lay off the sake for a while anyway. But she knew by now, the look in Souji's eyes was anything but amused.
Did it bother him that she was trying to help? He hadn't said anything about it, but he'd looked pleased before when Kondou or Hijikata entrusted her to a task. Maybe it was…oh.
And then it hit her, with a blush that stained her cheeks. She smiled, gathering the tokkuri, and got up to kneel beside him. He looked up at her. Without taking her eyes off the saucer (she'd blush even more if she met his gaze so directly), she filled it with sake. It was still warm, but not as warm as her face when she caught the way he was grinning at her now.
"Thanks, Chizuru-chan."
"Ah! I forgot to mention," Kondou said, earning their attention. "I have to admit, the main reason I wanted all of us together was to share some important news."
He graced Souji and Chizuru with a father's smile.
"I've been able to set a date with the shrine for a month's time."
It didn't take long for choruses of congratulations, laughter, and some pointed teasing at Souji's expense to fill the room. Chizuru found herself permanently flushed from some of it, but she couldn't help smiling. Despite the difficulties, she felt surrounded by warmth and kindness here. Like she finally belonged somewhere.
When she looked up at Souji, he didn't look comfortable with so much attention, and clearly wasn't used to being teased so much. But there was something else about the way he frowned, his eyes drifting away from it all to the courtyard outside.
Chizuru should be happy, and she was. Yet there was still an ache in her chest that suddenly made her feel like crying.
Maybe she was overthinking it.
Chizuru smoothed the lines in Souji's brow. His head was pillowed by her lap as he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger.
She hadn't expected him to visit her, but he'd come late after dinner that night.
"You didn't have to do that earlier, with Heisuke-kun," she told him. "I don't mind doing things for the other captains. You all act like brothers. It's nice to see."
His smile flattened somewhat. "They're not my brothers."
She smiled secretly at his grumpiness. She didn't realize how jealous he could be.
"And you're not their servant, so don't act like one."
His tone was terse, but she understood why this time.
"But I'm allowed to serve you?" She gestured pointedly to a half-empty cup of tea on a tray next to him. He smirked, reaching up to gently grasp her chin in his hand. His long fingers brushed her cheek.
"I'm a very selfish man, Chizuru. I don't share well."
That particular confession predictably left her with a hot blush. His green eyes were sharp then, almost predatory in their honesty. It took her breath away for a moment.
"I really don't mind," she whispered.
"There will be a lot of things you'll have to deal with," he said, "least of all something stupid like this."
"What do you mean?"
Souji quirked a brow up at her, but eventually, he sat up out of her embrace.
"Forget it. 'S not important."
It didn't seem like something unimportant. In fact, Chizuru thought something deeper had been bothering him since this afternoon. "Is there something else troubling you, Okita-san?"
He shot her a somewhat guarded look.
"Like what?" he smirked. "Think I have cold feet or something?"
Chizuru looked away from him, fingering the hem of her kimono sleeve out of embarrassment. "I-I didn't say that."
She knew he cared for her, but maybe he just didn't want to do this. Maybe all the little things she was doing just wasn't enough, in light of the kind of trouble she could make for him. Yatsudora was a soldier in his own unit, after all. She doubted Saito had told him about that day, but still…
"You know this already," Souji said, breaking her from her thoughts. He didn't look at her, but he was uncharacteristically serious. "I'm a sword for the Shinsengumi, for Kondou-san. I can't really do anything else. I'm just not cut out for it."
So what is he saying? she thought. What was he trying to tell her?
Did it have something to do with what Kondou was speaking with him about earlier in the courtyard?
She was curious about his relationship with the chief. He obviously cared for him like a brother, maybe even a father figure. Kondou similarly treated him almost like a son, and there was no one, besides maybe Hijikata, who was so fiercely loyal to him than Souji was.
But while she admired that fact, he seemed to think that all he was good for was being a tool to be used.
Chizuru wasn't sure what would happen once they were married. She didn't even know if they would continue living here in the compound, let alone if she would be a good wife. She'd lost her mother before she could learn so many important things; she was genuinely worried about disappointing him.
Was it possible that Souji was having similar thoughts?
"Okita-san," she said slowly, "are you worried?"
He didn't answer her, but the way his eyes slid up to hers, hesitating, told her she'd probably guessed correctly. Feeling somewhat emboldened, she reached out for his hand, holding it in both of hers.
"I just want you know that I'm happy here. Truly," she smiled. "So…so you don't have to worry about me or anything."
He looked surprised for a moment, but it was soon overtaken by warmth and his usual flirtatious smirk.
"Heh?~ Is that so?"
She nodded firmly. Chuckling, he laced their fingers together.
He shifted and laid back down again, resting his head in her lap with a cavalier sigh. "I'll try not to then."
Chizuru frowned down at him.
"That-that didn't sound very sincere."
"Not going to let me off easy, huh?"
"I've known you long enough to tell when you're lying."
"Man, what a pain," Souji lamented. He let go of her hand to roll onto his side away from her. "I can see what I'll have to deal with from now on."
She pouted. He never stopped teasing her, and he was complaining that she was the stubborn one?
"Okita-san—"
Before she knew it, he was settling in her futon like a cat curling up for a nap.
"All your nagging's made me tired. Maybe we should practice sleeping in one bed then?"
"You have your own room, Okita-san," Chizuru shook her head. No matter how appealing the prospect was to sleep in his arms, rather than sleep alone, it wasn't proper and he couldn't be caught leaving her room in the morning.
"By the way," he said, glancing at her over his shoulder with a decidedly indecent veneer. "you'll have to learn to call me something else soon. Why don't you come warm me up, Chizuru-chan?"
Was it possible to die of embarrassment? Chizuru didn't know for sure, but if it was, then Okita Souji would surely be the death of her.