Giles' House, 2200 hours.
Miss Calendar was following Giles who had placed the sobbing Willow's arm around his shoulders. The I.T teacher couldn't believe that it was Willow, the mousy Willow who had been Nighthawk all this time. She had so many questions but she pushed all of that to the back of her head as she rushed ahead of Giles and Willow before she cleared the couch, leaving one spare cushion at the end as a makeshift pillow while Willow sat down sobbing before she lay sideways facing them. She then pulled her feet up to her chest and rolling up like a ball. She then started to mumble that 'Angelus killed him' repeatedly as she shook her head, her tears travelling sideways down her face and staining the pillow under her head.
"Willow?" asked Giles as he crouched down while Miss Calendar was looking at the crying young woman, "Willow? Who did Angelus kill? We were with him and…."
"He killed…. He killed…," said Willow as she closed her eyes and swallowed before opening then again, "he killed Oz, he killed Oz."
"Will…" said Giles with his eyes opened wide while Miss Calendar stepped back and put her hands over her mouth and gasped, "are… are…"
"He made me… Giles," said Willow as she closed her eyes while her body shook, "Angelus made me a hero… he finally made me a hero."
"I don't understand," Giles shook his head as he placed a hand on Willow's arm to comfort her. Willow looked at Giles, and then at Miss Calendar while she repeated that Angelus wanted to make her a hero.
"He killed someone close to you," said Miss Calendar as Giles looked up at her, "the classic way a superhero is formed in the comics; Batman loses his parents, Superman loses his planet, Spiderman loses his uncle… tragic loses that define a hero. I'm so sorry Willow."
"I saw his body," said Willow softly as the tears dried up while she was still lying on her side, "he was dead… I thought he could be turned so… so I used my powers and blew up… oh God, I blew up the house. He's gone… Angelus killed him... he's gone… he's gone."
Giles just gently squeezed Willow's arm as he looked at Miss Calendar, and then back at Willow who was looking out into space.
"This is my fault," said Willow softly, "I wanted to do this and…"
"Willow," said Giles, "it's not…"
"I played hero and he died," said Willow softly while she was looking off into the distance, "he died because of me, it's me.. my fault. I'm so tired, Giles… so very tired… so much my fault, so much my fault."
"Sleep, Willow," said Miss Calendar as she stroked the top of Willow's head, "we're right here."
"Sleep," whispered Willow nodding her head as she sighed, "Giles… Angelus came into… my house. Please… please use spell and…"
"I will," said Giles as Willow closed her eyes, "I'll set up the dis-invitation spell again."
"Sorry, Oz," said Willow as the hand that was gripping her badge tight, loosened and it fell onto the floor with a 'clang' sound, "come… back."
"Willow?" asked Giles as he felt for a pulse, and sighed in relief when there was one. He then looked down at the gold coloured badge and then picked it up, and looked at it while brushing his thumb over the word 'Ranger' before he stood up with Miss Calendar standing next to him, and then looked at the badge, and then at Giles' face, "I… I need to call Buffy and the others, and…"
"Rupert," said Miss Calendar as she rushed behind him while he placed the badge in a drawer at a side table and then reached for the phone. Miss Calendar hadn't been talking a lot on the drive to Giles' home… she was shocked about the revelation of Nighthawk being Willow, and the fact that Angelus had targeted her because of what she found to restore his soul.
And she needed to let Giles know.
"Rupert," said Miss Calendar as he started to dial Buffy's number, "I know how to restore Angel's soul."
"Oh dear lord," said Giles with his eyes wide open as he looked at Miss Calendar, and then at the sleeping Willow, and back to Miss Calendar again as he placed the receiver back on the cradle, "but…."
"Somehow Angelus knew what I planned to do, Rupert," said Miss Calendar as Giles stepped back and placed a hand on the top of his head, "but I had the entire ritual on the computer, I have the ritual of restoration… I mean I had it. I don't know if Angelus will get back to the school and destroy everything that was in the room... I mean I'd wait until we left before making sure everything was destroyed. It was meant as a surprise for Buffy, Rupert. And if Angelus is so adamant about not being re-ensouled then… then this is the perfect punishment for him, Giles. Dusting him is too easy for him, Buffy gets Angel back… and he gets his soul along with the fact that he murdered Oz; Willow's boyfriend. This is why my people cursed him, Giles… he's going to hurt for what he did and… and maybe that is the best thing to do."
"Drusilla must have tipped him off and he ambushed you at the school," said Giles, "that's the only way that Angelus must have known. Do you still have that ritual somewhere?"
"I saved it onto a disk," said Miss Calendar, "but I need to check on the lab. Like I said, he may have doubled back and tried to destroy what I had in the computer room. Hopefully he didn't."
"We'll go to Willow's house first thing tomorrow morning," said Giles as he looked at the sleeping Willow, and then at Miss Calendar, "we'll do the ritual to keep out Angelus and any other vampires, and then we head to the School to search for this disc of yours. How long will it take to…"
"Angelus destroyed an important ingredient," said Miss Calendar, "it took me a few days to track down the one that he destroyed. An orb of Thesula."
"Oh," said Giles perking up, "I actually have that in the library… I've been using it as a paperweight."
"Okay," said Miss Calendar shaking her head, "if the disc is still there, I'll need a few days to get the other materials, we can do it the day after tomorrow if we can get everything in time. Re-writing the Ritual shouldn't take too long."
"Alright," said Giles, "although I do believe that Willow will have a lot to say about this. In the meantime, I shall call Buffy and the others. Give them the terrible news. And then I need to call a friend of Willow's, Althanea."
"I'll stay with Willow," said Miss Calendar recognizing the last name but unable to place it for now. She knew it was a question for another time; as well as the questions she had about how Willow became Nighthawk. All of those questions took a back seat as Miss Calendar sat on the floor next to the redhead, and brushed her fingers through Willow's hair.
Sunnydale High, The next morning.
The news had travelled fast in Sunnydale High as Willow walked through the hallways to her locker. Her eyes where just looking forward as she walked in a shirt and ankle length skirt that belonged to her mother; Giles had brought her home that morning with Miss Calendar, and by then news had broken about the explosion, as well as the identification of three burnt bodies; with one of them being Oz thanks to the Police department coming to that conclusion by the virtue of the van parked in the driveway being Oz's van.
Giles was doing the dis-invitation ritual while Miss Calendar was watching the news at Willow's house; and the redhead herself was in the shower sobbing as she thought about what she did.
She destroyed the house to make sure that her boyfriend didn't come back as a vampire. All she knew was that if he was going to come back as a vampire, then he would have done so, and he would have been ashes from the fire. Walking out of the shower, Willow went to her closet and opened it. She reached for her hanging clothes and then she remembered that Angel must have rifled through her closet before finding her jacket and her 'costume'. The redhead closed her closet door and stepped back, refusing to wear her clothes since it was possible that Angelus touched them all. She looked around fond nothing to wear, so she walked out of her room wrapped in a towel and went into her parent's room. Willow went to the closet knowing that she and her mother were a size up, so Sheila's clothes would be a bit looser.
But Willow didn't care.
She wore a shirt and a skirt, telling herself that she needed to get something new on the way back from school. Willow then walked back down with her backpack and looked at Giles who had just finished the dis-invitation ritual. Miss Calendar had turned off the TV by then and walked up to the bottom of the staircase. The redhead had woken up early that morning, and heard both Giles and Miss Calendar talking about the Ritual of Restoration. She didn't tell them that she was awake and heard everything before she finally got up when Giles told Miss Calendar that he talked to Althanea, but she wasn't going to do anything without talking about it with Willow. Willow heard Giles tell Miss Calendar that Althanea was still working at the hospital, but she could feel Willow's anguish; and that she'll agree to help only if she agrees.
"Do it," said Willow softly as she slowly sat up and looked at Giles and Miss Calendar, "I don't care."
And she didn't care as Willow reached her locker. The redhead opened it and saw a picture of herself and Oz as people walked past behind her. She looked away from the picture and then took out some books from the inside… the while time she felt as if Oz was looking right back at her from the picture. Willow grabbed a book and then looked at Oz's picture while she was hearing the familiar 'click-clacks' of a certain Slayer's shoes, followed by the whispered voices of Xander and Cordelia.
"Will?" asked Buffy as Willow looked at Oz's picture, closed her eyes, and then sighed before closing the door and looking at the three of them, "Giles told us last night and… I'm so…"
"Don't say you're sorry," said Willow as she glared at Buffy, it was something that Buffy hadn't seen before from the redhead, "don't you dare say you're sorry."
"Will," said Buffy, "I…"
"You had a chance to kill Angelus," whispered Willow, "you had a chance and you didn't take it; so don't you dare say that you're sorry."
"I think we should just cool it and…" said Cordelia as Willow shook her head and stepped back.
"No," said Willow as she put her hands up, "you killed him Buffy, you killed him and you're getting rewarded for it. Just… just leave me alone."
"Willow," asked Buffy as she watched the redhead turn around and walk away. She was about to walk after her since what just happened seemed so out of character for the Willow that she knew, but it was Cordelia who stopped her, instead telling Buffy that she'll go talk to Willow.
"You?" asked Buffy.
"Yeah," said Cordelia, "you know she told you the truth, you had a chance to kill Angelus, and you didn't. I get that you love the guy, or at least who he used to be but… that's what happened. And she just lost her boyfriend… the only boyfriend she had in her life. So… yeah."
"I could talk to her too, you know," said Xander.
"But this is a girl thing," said Cordelia as she walked backwards and then turned before running after Willow who was walking away with her head down.
"Let's get to Giles," said Buffy as she looked at Willow as Cordelia came up to her, "I wanna know what's going on."
"Buffy," said Xander as he looked at the Slayer, "you know that she's…"
"She's right about me letting Angel go," said Buffy, "but it's complicated."
"He's still a vampire, Buff," said Xander as he walked with Buffy towards the library, "he became a monster after he lost his soul."
"I know I made a mistake," said Buffy softly, "but I've never seen Willow like that before."
"I've known her entire life, Buff," said Xander as the two of them stopped and looked at each other, "she had a crush on me for a long time, I know that. But she loved Oz, and then to lose him like that… she's angry."
"How long?" asked Buffy.
"I don't know, Buffy," said Xander as he and Buffy looked at Willow and Cordelia walking away.
"I'll make it up to her, somehow," said Buffy softly as Willow turned a corner with Cordelia into another hallway, "I'm sorry, Willow."
The Rosenberg Residence, 1800 hours; two days later.
For the past two days, Willow had been purposely missing Buffy and Xander's calls by screening their caller I.D numbers, she had been avoiding them at school, although she couldn't avoid them for the test that they had earlier that day… a test interrupted by a vampire that seemed to have been sent by Angelus to send a message for Buffy.
But Willow didn't care.
The only calls she answered when she got home was from Giles who kept Willow apprised of what was going on from the problem with the swim team the day after Oz's death, to the return of Kendra the previous day since her watcher said that there was a dark force rising in Sunnydale; that a demon called Acathla was going to be brought forth to the real world. He told Willow that Buffy agreed to Angel getting resouled again, which made Willow snort before apologizing to Giles.
She told him about the talk that she and Cordelia had after the day after Oz's death, that everyone had a part to play in his death; from Buffy herself, to Willow, to even Giles. They had all included his in their Scooby activities, and of course he was automatically a target because he was Willow's boyfriend. Willow remembered Cordelia being brutally honest with her that she should get off the 'depression train' since Oz knew the risks of the life he was involved in, and he accepted it.
"Yea, Buffy didn't kill Angelus," Cordelia had told her in an empty classroom after they walked away from Buffy and Xander, "that's on her, but you wanted to get into this fight too… you wanted to help her, Willow. I mean secretly help her, but still help her fight. You told me just now that Angelus could tell who Nighthawk was, that was a risk you knew about. And I know you told me about the letter he left you, and that was the danger that you put yourself in too. You think I like being a target? I'm just glad that Xander's… well, Xander. If he had your powers, then I'd be a target. Willow, you did what you could… so did Buffy. Wrong or not, disgusting or not, she loves Angel. And she'll do what she has to save him from Angelus.. but I think she knows about the blood on her hands after she let Angelus go after the mall."
"I can't get rid of my anger, Cordy," said Willow as she looked at Cordelia, "I admit that maybe Angelus didn't kill Oz, but he's the one who encouraged it. One way or another, it always falls back on Buffy."
"I know," said Cordelia, "but you have to move on, Willow. You just have to; you can't remain depressed like this."
Back at her home, Willow was floating above the bed meditating. She had just received another call from Giles telling her that he needed her there to protect Althanea who was going to be doing the spell. HE told Willow that he understood how upset and depressed she was, but what they were trying to do was save the world. He told her that Angel wanted the world gone to hell, literally; and that they needed Willow help while Buffy was going to meet with Angel, and distract him long enough that the ritual works and her gets his soul restored. Giles told Willow that he'd like for her to be there, that even with Kendra remaining.. they needed more people to protect Althanea.
"And she asked for you, Willow," said Giles as Willow frowned.
Back in the present, Willow was meditating above her bed when her alarm went off.
It was seven in the evening as she opened her eyes and lowered herself to the bed. She looked at her Nighthawk costume on the floor and was about to wear it as she got off her bed when she suddenly stopped. She stood up straight and shook her head before she wore some of the newer clothes she bought; she had kept her old clothes and intended to fry clean them all to get rid of Angelus' stink. The redhead had a feeling of dread that she couldn't shake as she changed while looking at herself in the mirror, and then at the picture of herself and Oz that used to be in her locker. There was something that was gnawing at the back of her mind, telling her to take the picture back home.
Willow looked at the mirror after she had put on her clothes, and smiled at the grey haired old woman in the green and silver jumpsuit who seemed to be standing next to her.
"Hello, Ariel," said Willow as she looked at Niko's mentor.
"Willow, my dear," said Ariel, "you going through something that Niko's also gone through as well, she lost a lot in her life.. but she would always grow stronger after overcoming her grief. You still have grief in your heart, Willow. And you will overcome it, and you will become stronger for it. You have my teachings, you have the teachings of the Circle, and you have Niko with you in terms of her experiences and knowledge; use them all for what's coming, my dear. You will overcome Oz's death, and you will be stronger. Now go, Willow… and remember. I am always with you."
"Yea," said Willow as Ariel vanished, and then she looked at Oz's picture, "I love you, Oz."
Before Willow left for the High school, she made a call to her parents who were on a flight to Rome, so she left them a message. A few seconds later, Willow put the phone down, and then she climbed out of her window and flew towards the school.
TBC.