8

Jax Is Really Alive

Chapter Recap 45Jax and Opie return to Hale's house. Louise takes the evidence envelope from Jax to run for forensics.

Opie calls the MC cancer and Jax tells Opie that the MC killed JT when he told them to get out of town or he would help the law shut the MC down.

When Opie shot Clay after learning Clay killed his father, the attack was blamed on black and Tig went off to kill Laroy.

Opie reveals how stupid he thought Tig was for trying to kill Laroy by running him down in a car while he's sitting at a crowded outdoor café. He asks Jax what he did to Tig for that?

Chapter 46 Hate on Jax

Jax looked down at the table. This was a damned difficult conversation. The withering sarcasm in Opie's voice when he asked him if he had scolded Tig would stay with him for the rest of his life because Opie was right. He had scolded Tig and that was as far as it went.

"In your first test of leadership as SAMCRO president you failed," Opie said.

Jax wanted to punch Opie, smash the table or break beer bottles. He wanted to do anything but face this truth. The past could not be fixed. He had avoided thinking about the way he handled Tig because he had been focused on other priorities like keeping the club from getting broken up with RICO.

"You have no idea what I was facing," Jax said, his voice tight with anger. "Right after Clay got shot, I had to takeover the arms deal with the Irish. I found out that Clay tried to kill Tara because she had letters from my father saying he thought Clay was trying to kill him. I was going to kill Clay, close the deal with the Irish and get out of town."

"And where is the concern for your friend who had just had his father murdered by the president of the MC? When my father died, how much thought did you give me? It was just like you said; you were on to the next bit of business and that was closing the deal and getting out of town.

"Fuck Opie and finding the truth and taking it to the table. And you wanted to kill Clay. Couldn't let me do it, could you? He murdered my father and you couldn't even let me have the satisfaction of killing him. No. It was all about you and you think only of yourself."

"I was afraid you would get caught," Jax said.

"Bullshit," Opie said. He picked up a chair and hurled it at the wall behind Jax.

Jax stood up.

"Just fucking hit me Ope. Just do it."

"Hell no," Opie said shaking his head and laughing sardonically. "That would make you feel better."

Ope was right. He would feel better if Ope hit him. It would transfer some of the mental misery to the physical. Son of a fucking bitch. He had fucked things up with Opie in ways he hadn't seen because he didn't want to face just what a bastard he'd been to his best friend.

"I got sidetracked Ope. You are fucking right though. I was running on emotion. I was going to kill Clay and I didn't even fucking consider letting you do it."

"It was just more of the same old shit from you. You are supposed to be the center of everyone's world. We're all supposed to make Jax feel better. Do you remember how much we talked when JT died? How much did you talk to me about my father dying? Was that even worth ten minutes of your time?"

Jax returned to his chair. Opie paced around the room.

"It was worth more than ten fucking minutes of my time, but I didn't give it to you because I was stupid and wrong. I don't know what else to say. You're right. I wasn't there for you when Piney died. I was busy playing brother and trying to keep the MC from falling to RICO."

"Always the fucking MC."

"Wait a minute, that's not fair. If I hadn't taken the actions that I took to make the gun deal with the Irish work, the club would have been crushed with RICO. That's not just SAMCRO. Maybe every SOA charter would have fallen to RICO and a lot of people would have gone to jail and a lot of lives ruined."

"No, you could have crushed RICO if you had just managed to think a little. RICO needs past and present crimes. Otto was crazy by this time. You could have challenged the past based on Otto's mental instability. For the present, there was a small circle of suspects. Juice was always being called in by Roosevelt for drug testing. Hmmm . . . Could there have been something else going on? Of fucking course. It was obvious that Juice was the rat. Why the fuck didn't you look for the present rat because he was a present danger to the club first? Instead either you or Tara came up with the dumbest fucking plan in MC history to reason with crazy Otto."

Jax lost it and punched the wall a couple of times. His anger at Opie for saying the words that had hovered around in his brain spilled out. He got that he should have figured out that they only needed to kill the present rat Juice and the MC would have been safe. Why the hell hadn't he done it?

"You know that hindsight is twenty/twenty," Jax said. The anger was gone for now. Instead, he was beaten down by the weight of Opie's words and being forced to shoulder the weight of all of his SAMCRO blunders most made by his leadership.

"I wasn't deliberately not thinking and doing the dumbest fucking thing possible," Jax said wearily. "I was doing the fucking best I could. That's the part that's really sad. I was so fucking stupid and made some damned many mistakes. Believe me, I see it now clearly. I wish to fuck I didn't."

Opie got another chair and sat back down at the table. Jax's angry explosion seemed to have brought some calm to Opie as well.

"Better to see clearly, brother, than have shit in your eyes," Opie said. The anger was gone from his voice.

"We were going to run the MC together. Change it and make it what it should be, what it was supposed to be; a club centered around brotherhood and a love of riding bikes."

"JT, Piney and Bobby were the true believers," Opie said. "We believed that too at one time."

"In the end, I believed in it again. That's what I was trying to give back to the club," Jax said.

"Look at who you left in charge. Chibs. He's not a bad guy, but what kind of man is he really? Remember all that bullshit he spouted about his family. How many times has he been to Ireland since the trip to get Abel back? How many times has his family been in Charming. Same answer. Zero.

"What about Happy? You know he killed his father. Years later, he killed his mother on Christmas (info from SOA app. Go to back of van and click on skull and it will pull up Happy's journal. It's darkly funny). He has no moral compass. He's a psychopath. He kills without reason or remorse.

"And then there's Tig," Opie said spitting out Tig's name like a piece of bad food. "He is so fucking stupid."

"Is this still about Donna?"

"Tell me, what would you have done if Gemma told you that she accidentally killed Tara immediately afterward? What would you have done?"

"I don't think I can answer that," Jax said after several moments of thought. "I just don't know if I could have forgiven her. I didn't kill Gemma because she killed Tara. She died for the lies she told."

"She was still your mother."

"I know. I don't know how I feel about Gemma. Part love. Part hate. She watched me spiral out of control leading the club on more and more killing all because of her lie. How do I forgive that?"

Opie got up, went behind the bar and got two beers for them.

"We're going to owe Hale for trashing his bar," Opie said setting down a beer in front of Jax.

"Yeah, we are. Funny thing about Hale. He was right about a lot of things like the evils of the MC."

"He's a man of honor. I've got nothing but respect for him," Opie said.

"He's leading the effort to find Abel. I owe him a lot."

"Tig needs to die. It's not about Donna."

"It's back to my failed leadership," Jax said. He took a long swallow of beer. "I should have dealt harshly with Tig. Should have kicked his ass out of the MC. I should have delivered him to Pope told him the hit was unsanctioned and outside the club."

"If you had done that, you might have saved his kid's life."

"Fuck," Jax said disgusted. "I scolded him. Some leader."

"Tig dies. He's too fucking stupid and reckless to be allowed to live. How the hell does it make sense to use a car as a weapon on a crowded sidewalk? How can anyone come up with a plan that fucking stupid?"

"You're right. If he hadn't killed Pope's daughter, I wouldn't have been in prison, you wouldn't have come to help me and we all might have lived better lives."

"Damon Pope was a victim. His daughter was rundown by that inbred half-wit Tig. He did what we would have done to get vengeance. Tig's daughter didn't deserve to be burned alive, but Tig barely noticed her death even though he witnessed it. He cares more about his dead damned dog Missy than he did his daughter."

"I still hate Damon Pope, but fuck, you're right. If someone killed Abel, I would have made the club that killed him pay. August Marks was still a bastard. There's no excuse for what he did to Bobby."

"We agree on that," Opie said.

"To Bobby," Jax said and they clinked beer bottles. "I'm good with you killing Tig."

"You know, I was going to do it with or without your approval," Opie said.

"Yeah, I figured that out. Opie, you have been nothing but the best most loyal friend and I've been shit to you. It's so clear to me. I am going to find a way to make things right."

That night, Jax stayed alone in a room at Hale's. If he'd gone to be with Tara, she would have comforted him. He didn't need comfort. He didn't deserve comfort. He owed Opie. He needed to make things right with Opie and the world.

When he woke up the next morning, he had a new plan for his life, for Opie and for Tara. He just needed to get Thomas back.

"

Author's Note: When Opie began telling Jax all the wrong he'd done him, I don't know if I realized some of this stuff for the first time, I ignored it or I just didn't think about it. Opie's right about how Jax seemed to blow off Piney's murder and how he completely failed as a leader over Tig's unsanctioned attempted killing of Laroy and his screw up resulting in Veronica Pope's death.

It does make Jax look pretty bad, but this story's past matches the show's. Maybe looking at Jax's actions without picturing the hot blonde charismatic actor playing him shows the character in a more accurate though much less flattering way.

And let's all blame Tara a little because she could have suggested finding the current rat and dealing with the problem that way. Thinking wasn't only Jax's duty. Women get to think too. Tara was a doctor. She should have been able to figure this out.

Or you could feel sorry for Jax because he's the victim of some tortured plotting in Seasons 5, 6 and 7.

A reader messaged me about chapters 9 and 10 being missing. I replaced 9 from my writing files, but I cannot find chapter 10 on my computer or any of its back-ups. I know people download the story sometimes. If anyone has a chapter 10, please PM me screen shots or snips of the file, I'll restore it. Thanks.