Not Honest Enough
A/N: Sequel to Never Going to Work. hope you like it. please review!
"You guys have a good night and enjoy yourselves." Peter said, turning away from her.
MJ doesn't understand what's happening. She left the hotel with Peter less than ten minutes ago, looking forward spending time with guy she liked and now she was here on this historic bridge in Venice, with him walking away from her, leaving her here with another guy.
"Peter wait—" She begins to call out but he cuts her off, saying, "Goodnight guys." Without turning around to look at them. She feels hurt at that. Peter never dismissed her. He never dismissed anyone.
But MJ knows she deserves that. Telling him the only reason she was watching him was because she thought he was Spiderman wasn't cool, she saw the hurt on his face and cringes knowing she made him feel that way.
Peter just gave her the perfect opportunity to tell him how she felt about him and she didn't take it. The words were on the tip of her tongue but she panicked and she didn't just miss her chance but she hurt his feeling as well.
MJ liked Peter. Like really, really liked him and she had for a long time, since before the blip, before Homecoming, before Washington, before Peter even liked Liz. He was so dorky and cute, and was always friendly to everyone, for no other reason other than that was who he is.
Her feelings for Peter had grown so much more serious since they returned from the blip. They're friendship became so much stronger as they leaned on each other for support while they adjusted to world they lived in now, a world where they'd been gone for five years.
Since finding out that he's Spiderman, she's been waiting and hoping that he would tell her and trust her with his secret, like does Ned, because there's no doubt in MJ's mind that Loser#2 knows the truth. She would keep his secret. She wanted to be there for him too.
But MJ doesn't have much luck at getting close to people. The best experiences she's had with getting close to people were her friendships with Peter and Ned. They'd become her best friends but still her whole life she'd struggled at being good with people. She lied to Peter because she was scared of trying to get closer with him and it not working. She hates that she let herself get scared enough to hurt Peter like she just did.
Brad looks at her and smiles, "It's awesome out here isn't it."
MJ rolls her eyes. MJ doesn't hate Brad but they're not friends and he just interrupted the time with Peter that she's been wanting.
"Yeah, it's great."
"It's sucks we have to go home tomorrow."
"Yeah, it sucks." MJ says, most of her attention on Peter's retreating form at the other end of the bridge. She wants to tell Brad to piss off, chase after Peter and tell him she wants to spend time with him tonight, in Venice.
But the way he said 'goodnight' told her that her chance at spending time with boy she had feelings for was ruined and it couldn't be saved.
"So where do you wanna go?" Brad asks, smiling, "There's still heaps to see here late at night?"
MJ shakes her head, "I'm not going anywhere, Brad. I'm just gonna go back to the hotel"
"What?" Brad exclaims, surprised, "Come on, its our last night before we go home, we may as well do something fun!"
MJ raises her eyebrows, wondering where the hell he got the idea that there was 'we' between them. They aren't friends and Brad isn't the guy she wanted to spend this night with.
"I'm really tired." MJ lied, which she didn't do often. But she really didn't feel like explaining herself to Brad Davis right now.
"Oh, come on—"
"Brad, I'm going to bed." MJ cut him off, beginning to walk in the direction Peter just left, "Goodnight."
Brad obviously got the hint that she didn't want to hang out tonight in Venice but not that she really wanted to get away from him. As they walk back to the hotel, he keeps asking her about what she's thought of the trip so far, if she liked the opera (which she didn't see most of) and tries to tell her about how great he's been doing on the basketball tea, which she has no interest in. She replies lazily to all his questions until they get back to the door of her room.
"Goodnight Brad." She says, not looking at him. His reply was half cut off by her shutting her rooms door closed in his face.
MJ throws her backpack on the floor and runs her hands through her hair in frustration.
She just wishes she had let Peter talk instead of bringing up Spiderman out of the blue the way she did. He wanted to tell her something and she remembers he had something in his hand, looking like he was about to show her something as well.
MJ wonders what it could have been. She remembers him asking, was she only watching him because she thought he was Spiderman? She realises he'd obviously noticed her watch him. She remembers his hurt face when she'd told him yes and asked why else would she be watching him other than to confirm that he's Spiderman?
The idea that maybe, just maybe, Peter liked her back enters her mind. She smiles at that thought, she's liked him for so long and only ever dreamed that he would one day feel the same way about her. Maybe that was what he was going to tell her tonight?
MJ pushes that thought away, trying to contain the small glimmer of hope she's beginning to feel. Whether Peter feels the same way for her that she feels for him doesn't matter. All that matters right now is that she has to apologise for hurting his feelings tonight and let him know that she will keep his secret.
MJ picks up her bag wondering about the weird object she picked up tonight, that was covered in Spider-Man's webs. She grins thinking of how Peter tried to deny that's he's Spiderman and how cute he looked, fumbling over his words and the ridiculous claims that it was the 'Night Monkey'.
Yeah, right loser.
MJ's proud of one thing and that's how fast she picked up this thing and hid it away when Brad showed up, interrupting her and Peter. She didn't even give it much thought, the second she heard Brad call out and saw him running towards them on the bridge, she just acted and put it away in her bag. She hopes that Peter could see that she cared about protecting his secret and that he changed trust her with it.
MJ takes her phone out of her pocket and unlocks it, holding her finger over Peter's name in her contacts, debating whether or not she should call him to talk about what happened on the bridge. To say sorry for hurting his feelings and to tell him she wasn't just watching him to solve the mystery of him being Spiderman. To tell him how she feels and that she was watching him because she liked him so much.
MJ bites her lip, looking at Peter's contact on her phone screen. She decides not to call him, Peter deserves more than apology over the phone but the guilty feeling in her stomach as she remembers the hurt expression on his face is growing bigger and bigger. MJ closes her eyes, she feels ridiculous. She feels on the verge of a panic attack and Michelle Jones doesn't have panic attacks.
MJ stands up, getting her breathing under control. She needs to fix this now, she can't go to bed tonight knowing she's screwed up with Peter. She takes hers bag, opens her room door and walks out into the hallway towards Peter's room.
She rubs her hands nervously. She feels almost like she did earlier, before she entered the hotel lobby to meet Peter but than she was nervous and excited. Now she feels nervous and scared. MJ doesn't know how to make Peter understand that she lied, that she wasn't just watch him because she thought he was Spiderman. That the reason she was watching him was way more important to her than that.
MJ closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She'd panicked earlier and let that ruin what was supposed to be a great night with the guy she liked. She's not gonna let that fear stop her from trying to make it right.
MJ raises her hand to knock on the door but stops when she hears Peter's voice through the door. She backs away, not wanting to interrupt him.
"She doesn't like me, May."
MJ froze, hearing Peter's words through his room door. Her mind floods with all the ideas of what Peter was talking about. The idea that he was talking to his Aunt about her. That he was talking about someone else. She doesn't know but she can't get what he just said out of her head.
MJ hears him talk again. She knows it's wrong, she shouldn't listen to what he was saying but she heard what he just said to his Aunt. She needs to know if he was talking about her.
"No, May, don't understand." She hears him say, exasperatedly, "I know she doesn't like me. She told me."
MJ's eyes widened. Her first thought is that Peter's talking about her and that flares the small flame of hope inside her. But than she realises she never said that she didn't like Peter. That could mean he was talking about someone else….
"She didn't say those words but the point was very clear."
"Okay." MJ thinks. He still could be talking about her and God, she hopes he is. If he is that means he likes her too and she's wanted him to feel the same way for her for so long.
But if this is about her, it also means that he took what she said tonight, as meaning she didn't like him. Back. That she really did only think of him as a mystery that she need to solve and tha couldn't be further from the truth.
He keeps talking and MJ struggles unto hear what he saying, he must've moved further away from her. She leans her ear on the door to try to hear better.
"I don't think I could watch her wear it and not think about how I feel about her and how she doesn't feel the same about me." He speaks and MJ can hear the sadness in his voice.
MJ feels like she could cry. She's sure now that Peter is talking to his Aunt about her and that makes her happy, knowing he likes her back. But Peter's sounds so upset, thinking she doesn't want to be with him.
But she does. So, so much.
MJ's sure now that whatever Peter had in hand on the bridge earlier was a something he wanted to give to her. He'd actually tried to give her a gift tonight, though he didn't have to. Peter feeling the same way for MJ that she felt for him would be the greatest thing he could give her. But Peter's always been the sweetest person MJ's ever known, asking her out on this field trip, with a grand gift would definitely be something he would do.
She goes to knock again, but stops, hearing Peter say, "I'm really tired and I want to try to sleep before the flight tomorrow."
He sounded tired saying that. Tired and sad. MJ wants barge into his room, wrap her arms around him and tell him she's sorry and that she want to be his girlfriend and wear whatever he wanted to give her. She wanted to go out and spend their last night together in Venice, to kiss him on that bridge where she had screwed up and stupid Brad Davis had interrupted them.
But she hears how tired he is and thinks he doesn't even have the energy to really have a conversation about them right now. Also MJ was tired as well. The quick change from leaving the hotel, excited, with Peter, an hour ago, to standing in front of his room right now had left her drained.
They would be able to talk better in the morning, after they had both rested and gotten some sleep.
Though MJ doesn't think that she's going to get much sleep tonight and from how Peter sounded in his room tonight, MJ doesn't think he's going to sleep well either.
MJ wakes up early in the morning. The suns hasn't long been up but MJ really wants to see Peter as soon as possible today.
She takes a shower and gets dressed in a pair of blue jeans and in a comfortable grey hoodie, preparing for the air conditioned flight home. Slipping her shoes on, she leaves her room and makes her way to Peter's.
A part of her thinks it may be too early to knock on Peter's door but MJ's nerves are driving her crazy and she desperately needs to talk to him. She hopes he'll forgive her for waking him up as well.
MJ knocks on his door and waits for Peter to answer. He doesn't, so she knocks again.
A woman walks by her, who looks like she works at the hotel. "The boy who was in that room is downstairs in the restaurant sweetie." The woman tells her.
That surprises MJ, Peter has never been an early riser. But MJ knows, like her, he probably didn't sleep much at all last night.
MJ takes the elevator or downstairs, rubbing her hands nervously, thinking of what she was gonna say to Peter when she sees him. She's not used to feeling nervous, she was always confident and sarcastic but Peter Parker had a knack for turning her into a puddle of feelings she didn't have often.
She finds him in the restaurant standing near Mr Harrington, who's sitting at a table, enjoying his morning coffee. Unfortunately, she also sees Brad Davis, sitting the end of the table closer to her. He looks up and smiles at her, "Hey MJ!"
MJ ignores Brad, her entire focus is on Peter who turns around, hearing Brad say her name. He locks eyes with her for a second before turning back to Mr Harrington. He says something she can't hear to the teacher before turning back and moving towards her.
MJ smiles at him as he approaches. "Hey." She greets him, nervously.
"Hey." Peter says, quietly, back to her, his face completely vacant from the dorky smile she knows so well.
"Listen," MJ begins, hesitating. She'd been thinking all night of how to begin this conversation but now that she's finally around Peter again, all her plans are lost on her. "About last night…."
"You were right." He says abruptly, cutting her off.
Her eyes widen, "What?"
Peter turns to look at Brad, who looks down and focuses on his phone that he now had in front of him, obviously trying and failing to not be caught eavesdropping.
"Come here." Peter says, walking past her, back towards the lobby. MJ follows him right back to where she met him just last night before they left the hotel.
"You were right."
"I was?" MJ asks, incredulous.
"Yes, were right, you are right. I'm Spiderman." Peter says, looking down at his shoes. MJ's stand there stunned, not knowing what to say.
When Mj left the hotel last night, she was about 67% sure that he was Spiderman. When she saw his reaction, when she confronted him and showed his webs on the thing that was still in her backpack, she knew for certain that she was right. That he was Spiderman, that he was the superhero who defended New York
But that's not what MJ wants to about right now.
"Ok…." MJ begins but Peter cuts her off, "Are you going to tell anyone?"
MJ's eyes widen again. Will this boy please stop saying things that will surprise her?"
But MJ could understand the question. Finding out that she knows his secret identity was truly a big shock for him, that was so obvious. Still, MJ feels sad that Peter has to ask her, that he doesn't know he can trust her with his secret.
"No." She says, seriously, "I won't tell anyone."
"Thank you." Peter says and MJ could see some relief in his eyes.
"Peter—" she begins but Peter cuts her off, "You don't have to watch me anymore."
"What?"
"You don't have to watch me anymore. You know the truth now."
MJ wants to cry at his words, she can feel the hurt in them and his eyes showed sadness. She hates that she's made him feel this she feels stupid for not taking the chance that Peter had given her last night and instead hurt him with a lie because she was too scared to tell the truth.
MJ was usually obsessed with telling the truth even if it meant hurting peoples feelings. How ironic is it that the one time she really hurts someone, it's the one person she really cares about and she hurt him with a lie?"
"Thanks for not telling anyone." Peter says, walking backwards away from her, "I'm going for a walk, before we go to the airport."
"I'll come with you." She says quickly.
Peter smiles, sadly, "No, it's okay. I have to do something. Brad's in the restaurant waiting for you anyway." He turns around and walks out the door, onto the streets of Venice, leaving MJ standing there in the lobby, watching him go.
Again, MJ feels hurt at Peter just walking away from her again, just like he did last night. But now she knows he has feelings for her and she understands why he keeps walking away. She lied to him and that lie has made him think she doesn't want them to be more than what they already are and she does want more.
With Peter.
Not Brad.
The way Peter looked at her when he said that Brad's waiting for her in the restaurant. It was more than just hurt and sadness.
It was defeat.
MJ growls at herself in frustration, wishing she'd told Peter to stay with her last night and Brad to fuck off and leave them alone. She'd let her fear of getting close to people and the guilt of hurting Peter last night stop her from going after him on that bridge.
She wasn't going to make the same mistake again.
MJ started towards the the door Peter just walked out, intending to follow him and tell him the truth, here in Venice, like she should have last night. Before reached the door, she's stopped by the voice of someone she really doesn't want to talk to right now.
"Hey MJ!" Brad calls out behind her and she turns around, glaring at him.
"My name Michelle, Brad."
The smile on his face disappears and he looks uncomfortable under her glare, "Sorry MJ—, ahh I mean Michelle."
"What do you want, Brad?"
Brad frowns, "I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to have breakfast with me?"
MJ rolls her eyes and steps forward, close to him, "Ok, Brad, I want to make this very clear, alright?" She gestures with her hands that she's serious, "I'm never going to go out with you."
Brad's expression is stunned, "I didn't mean—" He stutters, shaking his head, "Like ever?"
"Ever." MJ clarified, deadpan, "I don't like you like tha and we're not even friends."
"You tutor me in English!" Brad exclaims, loudly, "We were watching movies on the plane! You went to the opera with me last night!"
"Ah, no Brad," MJ shakes her head, "I was assigned as your tutor, we just happened to sit next to each other on the plane and I sat next to you at the opera— after I went looking for Peter, who is the one I was there with."
Brad's face showed disgust, "That loser, Parker? You have a thing for that loser?"
"I'm the only one that gets to call him a loser." MJ snarls. MJ calls Pete a loser on a daily basis, because he doesn't fit the arrogant jock stereotype like Brad does. He's a loser because of how dorky and awkward he is, which has always made him adorable to MJ.
"Well, you know he doesn't like you!" Brad argues, angry, "I want lying about him yesterday! He was getting naked with a Blonde girl in the bathroom!"
MJ's lips curl upwards and she wants to laugh. She's usually good at reading people and Brad didn't seem like he was lying when he told her about Pete and some blonde European yesterday but MJ finds it funny, because whatever Peter was doing yesterday, there's no way he was hooking up with a blonde stranger he met at a rest stop!
MJ swears to herself, if what Brad's saying is true, she'll go on a date with Flash!
"Yeah, it's too bad you interrupted them Brad," She said, sarcastically, "I was really looking forward to joining them for an orgy." She turns around, ignoring his stupid, frozen, shocked expression.
MJ shakes her head, walking away, out the doors of the hotel. She doesn't have any more time to waste on Brad Davis or on her own fears. She's wanted this boy for a long time and MJ decided right now that if he still wanted her, she's going to get him.
She takes her phone out of her pocket and presses call on Peter's contact. She's not surprised when he doesn't pick up.
MJ sighs, trying to think of a way to get a hold of Peter. Eventually she scrolls through her contacts and presses call on the contact 'Loser#2'.
Ned pick up after three rings, "MJ! What's up?"
"The roof, the clouds, the sky Leeds." MJ replies, rolling her eyes, a smile appearing on her face. Like Peter, Ned had away of bring out happiness in MJ.
Ned laughs, "Yeah, ok, you got me there. What are you calling me for this early in the morning? And why didn't you just knock on my door?"
"I didn't want to interrupt you and Betty."
MJ can actually hear Ned blushing over the phone, "That's not…we…we haven't…" He stutters, incoherently.
"Relax, Leeds." MJ rolls her eyes. At least Ned Leeds and Betty Brant could be together without any drama. MJ wishes it was the same for her and Peter, though she knows it's her fault, everything g that's happening between her and Peter right now.
"I'm not gonna tell anyone I heard Betty sneak into your room last night. I just need you to help me find Peter."
"He's not in his room?"
"No," MJ says, trying not to sound impatient, "He's gone for a walk in the city. I need to talk to him, it's important but he's not answering the phone for me."
"Why not?"
"Because he doesn't want to talk to me, Leeds! Can you please help me!"
"Why doesn't he want to talk to you?" Ned asks, confused. MJ growls, impatiently, "Ned can you please call him and ask him where is for me, please? I need to talk to him!"
"Ok, ok." Ned says, almost yelping, and MJ almost smirks, glad at the moment for her ability to be intimidating.
"I'll call him and I'll text you where he is."
"Thank you." MJ whispers, grateful. She hangs up and bites her lip, anxiously waiting for Ned to text her. She wonders how's she's going to explain to Peter how she found him and how to apologise for lying last night about her feelings for him.
Her thought are interrupted by her phone vibrating. She looks at the text from Ned, 'He said he's going to the fountain we passed on the way to the opera last night.'
MJ smiles, she knows where that is, it's not far from the hotel.
Walking the streets, in the direction of the fountain, she feels nervous. Peter's always made her feel nervous. Her whole life, MJ's never cared what people thought of her, she's always been sarcastic, blunt and brutally honest. Always obsessed with telling the truth, even if it meant hurting other people's feelings.
Peter's the one person who's feelings she has never wanted to hurt and she's actually hurt him by not telling the truth. She hurt him, because last night, she was finally not honest enough.
She's going to make it right though, by telling him the truth of why she was watching him. Telling him the truth about how she felt about him. Her brutal honesty was not always the best way to be with a lot of people. But with Peter, honest is the best way to be.
She feels excitement in her chest and butterflies in her stomach when she finally sees him. He's standing near the fountain, looking intently at the water in front of him. MJ smiles and begins to approach him but stops about thirty meters away, when she sees him take something out of his pocket.
It looked like a small box and MJ sees him pull something out of it. It's too small for MJ to see what it is but holds the small object in front of his eyes, looking at it intently. MJ begins to feel like she's intruding on a private moment for Peter but can't bring herself to walk away. She has to see him, she has to speak to him.
MJ's shocked when she sees him fling the whatever it is into the fountain in front of him. She watches him for a moment, as he watches it sink to the bottom and he turns, moving in the opposite direction from her. She flows and calls out his name but he doesn't hear her, as he joins in a crowd walking in the same direction he is.
MJ stops in front of the water fountain, watching him walk away. He's going in the direction of the hotel and MJ checks her watch, seeing the have to be back soon. She's glad that at least they're going to the same place. Maybe he'll let her sit next to him on the plane and she can talk to him there.
MJ nods to herself, thinking that might actually be the best way to speak to Peter. He can't walk away from her on a plane.
MJ looks at the water fountain and feels curious about what he threw into the water. He said he 'had something to do'. Was this it?
Again she feels like she's invading his privacy but MJ can't stop herself from looking down into the water, to the floor of the fountain. She sees a small object at the bottom, glowing in the glimmer of the sun shining on the water.
Biting her lip, MJ rolls up the sleeve of her hoodie and reaches down into the fountain. It's not that deep, so she reaches it easily.
She pulls it out and feels the metal of the small chain between her fingertips, looking at the small black pendant on the chain. It takes her for a moment before she realises it what it is is.
She'd drawn it so many times in her artwork. She'd read poems about it, done class projects on it and watched a dozen documentaries on it. Most importantly she'd spoken to Peter about it many times, in his room at school, on his couch on their movie nights.
He remembered it.
The Black Dahlia.
Her favourite flower and her favourite murder. Most people would think it was weird to have a favourite murder but MJ's never said she's not weird.
So many of her favourite poems, books and artworks were based were of the Black Dahlia. And Peter remembered how important they all were to her.
MJ smiles, tears brewing in her eyes. If there was any doubt in her mind about Peter's feelings for her, it was gone now. He obviously felt the same about her and that made her happier than she'd ever been.
She looks at necklace in her hand. Peter had thrown it away because of what she said to him last night. She's going to make it right for both of them. She will give him the chance to give her the Black Dahlia and she will tell him she feels the same.
She has to.
MJ begins walking back to the hotel, back to Peter. She wants to put the chain around her neck but doesn't. She wants Peter to do it. And she hopes he will.
He's so thoughtful, getting her something he knew she would love and would mean so much to her. Looking at the Black Dahlia in her hand, MJ thinks she might love Peter Parker.
MJ doesn't think she's ever had a happier thought.
A/N: This is a bit longer than I intended it to be. I've actually re wrote this three times, I'm still not one hundred percent happy with it but I don't feel like I could get this one any better. This series is the first time I've ever written just in present tense, it's a new challenge. :)
Anyway, I hope you like it. Please comment! Any advice and criticism welcome!