They walked side by side, and he wondered if any of them even knew where they were going— if there was a destination. Shizuo certainly appeared as though he was well aware of it, but who knew what was going on in that head of his? Izaya wouldn't be surprised if they somehow end up at a dump site.

"There's no one at home."

"Huh? Oh," Shizuo's brows furrowed for a moment, confusion etched on his face before it disappeared as quickly as it came.

"Do you know where they are?"

Shizuo didn't answer.

"So that's what going on. I shouldn't be surprised."

"I didn't think Shinra would turn even my own sisters against me."

"Since when did you care about them?"

"I have always been."

"Ha?"

He finally managed to divert Shizuo's attention back to him.

Exhaling a deep sigh, Izaya let his chin hang low, and as if on cue, tears were already building up in his eyes. It didn't take much to fool Shizuo— yet he'd never expected that the words of his true feelings would flow out of his mouth so freely. If only it could've been that way when he wasn't acting, then perhaps things could've gone smoother.

"It's lonely acting tough, but if I don't, how will I survive the underground? I've seen how people let their emotions control them, and building relationships just to drive knives into each other's backs after. Only Shinra was able to get through me. But even then, there's only Celty in his eyes. He would leave me for Celty. In the end I only have my sisters, who'd surely leave me too. Do you think it's easy…? I don't have anyone I can be myself with."

It was unfair that he was the only one hurting— to be the only one baring his weakness, and to Shizuo nonetheless.

"And now, as you can see, my only friend is walking out of my life unannounced. I don't even know what I did wrong, but if even he's tired of me, then I really don't know what to do. I envy you. Despite that scary strength, there are a lot of people who sticks by your side. It's really unfair."

How pathetic.

"I didn't know, Izaya-"

"Didn't know what?"

"That it was this hard on you— Shit-"

Shizuo should be hurting too.

"Pff. Haha!"

"Don't tell me that you really did believe me?"

"What-?"

"I never knew Shizu-chan had such a soft heart. You'd think that after watching countless of gangs beg for mercy like this that Shizu-chan would at least be aware of this tactic. Haha!"

"Bastard!"

There was a roar and Izaya grinned, clutching his stomach as he broke into a fit of laughter, but it was cut short when a fist collided with his cheek, sending him stumbling a few steps back before his back hit the brick wall behind harshly when Shizuo pushed him against it.

Shizuo was still holding himself back, fingers trembling yet he didn't throw another punch.

Disgusting.

Disgusting.

Monsters shouldn't act this way.

"You're lying through your teeth even now," Shizuo seethed in anger, hands that were pinning Izaya against the wall dug into Izaya's shoulders— and if he didn't restrain himself that moment, there would've been sounds of bones cracking underneath his palms.

"What's so bad about showing me the real you, huh? You coward!"

"This is the real me. Surely Shizu-chan wasn't expecting another side of me, one who's very sensitive, kind and loves you."

Izaya chuckled and spat the last part with a hint of disgust.

"I expected nothing of you. But you can't tell me that that look on your face, throughout the day, didn't come from your heart! If there's any bits of heart left in there."

That made him frown.

He couldn't tell what Shizuo was doing. Why was Shizuo so keen at getting him to spill out his thoughts, tell all of the sob stories he'd bottled up inside? They were supposed to be enemies. Izaya couldn't deny that Shizuo was similar to him in aspects that they were both not ordinary, and have received snarky remarks and glares from those around them.

Even so, the 4th of May only lasts 24 hours— and soon, this will be over. Knowing that everything will end soon brought confusion onto Izaya. How was he supposed to act like? Accept Shizuo's company just to be robbed of it after, left alone and heart full of wounds, or keep a distance between them so he could protect himself?

Either way, he would only have himself when the sun rises.

"Don't act like you know everything. You, of all people, wouldn't understand."

"Have you tried?" Shizuo prodded further.

"Do you feel so exposed? That I can see through your shit? Is that why you're pushing me away now?"

"It'll no longer be my birthday after this, and Shizu-chan will no longer care as well. What's the point? You'll forget all of this."

"How'd you know that?"

"Because Shizu-chan is just like the others."

That hit the spot. Shizuo raised his fist, aiming it right at Izaya's nose and if he angled it right he could've broken that nose but his knuckles only came as close as the bridge of Izaya's nose, hovering over it shakily.

"Don't you dare say that."

"Are you going to do it?" Izaya asked with nonchalance, gesturing towards the fist.

"What do you take me for?"

"A monster."

Heh.

Izaya kept his eyes fixated on Shizuo's, gaze narrowing before he rested the back of his head against the wall and relaxed into the loosening grip that Shizuo had on his shoulders (he knew Shizuo gave up the moment his fist fell back to his side).

"I want to run away, but you always pull me back, Shizu-chan. Going back and forth like this is draining me."

"You know," Shizuo started.

"This is all just a prank."

"What?"

"It got out of hand. Shinra gathered everyone to play a prank on you for your birthday. The plan is to treat you coldly. Supposed to be a light thing or some shit, but clearly things became worse than he originally planned."

"Ha…" He had to stifle a chuckle.

Izaya shook his head, flashing a lopsided smile.

"To pull that kind of thing on me seconds after I lied to you, Shizu-chan? Did you think I'd believe you?"

"I'm not like you. The party's at his apartment. You need to go."

It only took one look into Shizuo's eyes for him to uncover the truth. He wished he could pull some strings right then, turning Shizuo's words into lies— and just making him angry as usual.

Izaya couldn't describe the feeling. He was frustrated, but he could feel his heart breaking. For once in his life, he didn't know what to do with this information and how to keep his composure from shattering.

"Shinra must be stupid if he thought that plan would work on me," he laughed, but they both heard how forced it sounded.

"I never cared for all these people he dragged into the plan. They don't hold a significant place in my heart. What's the difference when most of them already hate me?"

"But— did Shinra think he was important to me? How laughable."

And he laughed, but the way his brows knitted gave away what he was hiding underneath that mask to Shizuo, gaze unfocused and breath hitching accompanied with gasps.

"He's- nothing! I just tolerated him since he told me he had no friends, and he'd come in handy later on. Kishitani Shinra is just a boy who has an unhealthy obsession with a headless woman, and other than that, he's just your typical nerd who loves science, more specifically the human body. There is nothing special to him, and he's honestly annoyin-"

Izaya didn't know what to do.

"Fuck, Izaya! Stop. Just let yourself go for once."

It felt like Shizuo was scolding him. It was a funny sight, really, and he would've recorded it and played it every night in his room, laughing to it if there wasn't a tear trickling down his cheek despite how hard he tried to hold it back.

There were strong hands pushing him against the wall again, but it seemed as though they were only doing so to snap Izaya out of his trance, because after that they were placed against Izaya's closed eyelids, causing the blurry figure in front of him to disappear and only darkness remained.

"I'll take you to his apartment later. You don't want Shinra to see this, right?"

"I won't forget today, but I'll make this part an exception. I promise."

"I don't trust Shizu-chan," Izaya spoke, bottom lip caught between the set of his teeth and his words came off firmer than he appeared to be, back already slumping down the wall as the strength in his knees slowly gave away.

"You're not Orihara Izaya to me right now."

He thought he no longer had that ability to cry, after holding back many times, and only the worst grief could have Izaya doubled over, trembling and sniffling like a child. There he was, though, tears falling freely and he could feel the warmth from Shizuo's palm which was pressed against his eyes. It was dark but he didn't need to see the expression on Shizuo's face that way, as he whimpered and sobbed until his heart no longer hurt.

"Then what am I?"

"Someone who just wants to be loved."