It took longer than he thought for Izaya to stop crying, and really, he wouldn't have minded even if he had to stay there for an hour just covering those red, strained eyes because who knew how long had it been that the tears were held back?

Shizuo didn't know how to organize his thoughts now that things had gotten more complicated like this. This event had made him realize that Izaya wasn't all like he'd thought of—that there was a delicate part of him that Shizuo had never seen before. He'd always known that Izaya was a coward, hiding behind his masks and snide remarks but to see Izaya crumble before his eyes was still a surprise.

It felt like he wasn't supposed to see this.

The person in front of him felt foreign, that he almost thought he'd hurt someone again and they were crying because of his violent tendencies.

"Why didn't you participate in Shinra's plan?"

Izaya's voice brought him out of his stupor, nimble fingers encircling around his wrist to tug his hand aside, which was sticky from Izaya's tears but Shizuo wasn't going to make comments about that.

"He never told me, not even Kadota did. Uh, how do I say this," Shizuo scratched at the bridge of his nose, noting how Izaya's grasp on him lingered until there was the littlest hint of confusion on Izaya's face when he realized it and pushed Shizuo's hand out of the way, giving Shizuo a better view of the discoloured skin on Izaya's hand from the fight with the thugs.

He didn't really know what happened back there, but from the injuries on the boys, he had to admit Izaya was actually good at using his fists (which he didn't expect since all Izaya loved to use was his talkative mouth and knives), despite the knuckles getting bruised so easily compared to Shizuo's own.

It was comforting to see that it was clean from blood and a new bandage was wrapped neatly around the palm.

"It was kinda weird, how different they were treating you- especially Shinra, but they didn't include me in so I thought nothing of it, especially when it involved you."

They both knew Shizuo wouldn't have cared even if a truck hit Izaya.

"Before you accuse me of anything, I'd still choose the same route even if I'd known."

"I don't want it to be Shizu-chan."

"Huh?"

"Anyone, someone who only came to recognize me from the hushed whispers on the street of Ikebukuro, or an acquaintance of mine whose ties I can cut off at any moment, or even someone I can consider a friend. I want anyone but Shizu-chan," the truths, when sugar-coated seemed to be rolling off his tongue easily.

But— what he really wanted to say was locked behind his heart, only for Orihara Izaya to know. The twisted love he'd tried so hard to supress and the hatred he grew the moment he saw those flames in Shizuo's eyes the first time they met, threatened to unleash. He was too proud to step down from his pedestal and be one of the humans he'd laughed at before, who was longing for any semblance of care.

Despite what was promised, everything would be gone the moment the sun comes up tomorrow, that much he was sure of. It'll disappear like it never happened.

"…but in the end, why did it have to be you?"

Shizuo didn't understand that part, but he couldn't bring himself to ask.

"Well, I'm sorry, I guess."

The sharp look Izaya was giving him only brought more confusion to his already muddled mind, the reddened eyes that still glistened with tears made him look rather docile, but from what he could observe, it seemed like Izaya was battling with himself (between appreciating Shizuo's presence and not liking the fact that it's Shizuo at the same time)— and Shizuo didn't hold that against Izaya, really, when he would've done the same thing if he was in Izaya's shoes.

Truth to be told, Shizuo still couldn't forget the destructions he'd caused with his own strength (though originally it was Izaya who provoked him into doing just that) which costed a fortune, and the way Izaya had framed him for murder, which also demanded a lot of money to get him bailed out of jail.

And his family had to bear the burden to do so, leaving him with guilt to know that he was only giving them trouble each time.

That was only a ¼ of how Izaya had ruined his life, and Shizuo really didn't wish to delve deeper into that right now.

"What do you really want me to do? Do you wish I was Shinra?"

"Shinra wouldn't have been as gentle as Shizu-chan is being right now."

Was it the first time? Shizuo couldn't remember any words close to that being uttered towards him before. He paused for a moment, shock receding as he calculated the truthfulness of it. Putting aside the catastrophe Shinra had caused today, he didn't know how Shinra would treat Izaya.

Then again, Izaya never really let anyone see this side of him.

He wondered if Izaya wanted people to display such kind of tenderness when they're with him— and if Izaya's personality would change depending on that.

What would it have been like if they were friends, then?

"Shouldn't friends comfort each other?"

"Me and Shinra aren't exactly what you'd define as normal friends."

"No shit."

"He'd… probably give me some advic- no, no. I don't know what he'd do anymore."

"We don't have to talk about this. Have you eaten?"

"I blacked out as soon as I reached home. Probably what Shizu-chan does daily, eh? But my muscles feel so sore now," Izaya gave him a sigh, massaging his own shoulder, "but no, I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"And you threw away the ice-cream I bought for you."

"Correction. The thugs did."

"I have a bit of money left. Come here."

"Will your mother be okay with this?"

"She'd be glad to know I'm helping someone," Shizuo paused for a moment.

"But I wouldn't be able to rest."

"I can't believe Shizu-chan is treating me again!"

Izaya let out a small laugh, his eyes felt itchy but he didn't dare to scratch it and be reminded of the moment of weakness he'd displayed earlier— instead his hand reached out to take the mentaiko onigiri from Shizuo, carefully tugging the packaging apart according to the instructions.

Shizuo had led them to the convenience store he went to earlier, and he left Izaya to sit on the curb outside while he went to get some food, where Izaya might add, Shizuo stared at a chocolate bar for approximately five minutes before he (probably) decided that he didn't have enough money for that.

Needless to say Izaya was a bit touched to know that Shizuo didn't switch his onigiri to the cheapest one and get the chocolate bar.

"It doesn't taste as bad as I thought… Do you eat this often?" the rice was good for food bought from a convenience store, and the salty caviar practically melted in his mouth.

"Huh? No. Just sometimes."

The words 'thank you' lingered on his tongue as he chewed the onigiri thoughtfully, reminding himself he should probably repay Shizuo for this in the future.

"What did Shizu-chan eat for dinner?"

"I wanted omurice, so mom made that."

"Omurice? You could've picked something like curry or something. Even I can cook omurice."

"Well, I miss her omurice, and I can't cook for shit, anyway. Where are your parents?"

"They're overseas."

He didn't miss the apologetic gaze Shizuo sent his way, fingers reaching for something in his pocket, which turned out to be his pack of cigarette (figures.), and he lit the one of the few sticks left in the pack. It made Izaya briefly wonder of how much second-hand smoke he'd inhaled while Shizuo was with him on the rooftop earlier.

"That… must feel lonely."

"Ah, but it doesn't feel that different from a few years ago, they weren't around often, anyway."

"If it was me, I'd miss the memories, still."

"Well, the house was exceptionally quiet today."

"Isn't that good?"

"What?"

"That it's quiet. You can rest. After all that chaotic stuff, I'd want some peaceful time-out."

"I suppose."

Izaya had been dreaming of moving out and living by himself, away from the twins, but now he wasn't so sure if it was a good idea.

Actually— maybe it was too soon to judge.

Today's events were messing with his head is all, he probably wouldn't even feel an ounce of loneliness when they part ways. It'd be good to have a break from the shrill voice and constant prodding while he's sleeping, plus his line of occupation made it unsuitable for them to be around.

They'd just be in the way.

Finishing the onigiri, he tossed the wrappings into the plastic bag Shizuo had been carrying from the convenience store, which Shizuo probably wouldn't even take home since he'd been drinking gulp after gulp of the milk he was supposed to buy for his house.

"I don't know when Kadota's gon' bring them back, s'ry."

"I suppose I have company now, but since it's Shizu-chan, it's not really enjoyable."

"A presence is still better than none at all."

"Is it fun to feel like a human for once?"

That came off sounding more of a taunt than he meant to.

If there was one thing he always prattled on about when it came to Shizuo was that how much of a monster Shizuo was, which he then used as a reason for his hatred. Since Izaya loved humans, it meant that Shizuo was an exception but despite not being able to love Shizuo on the same level as humans— instead of loving Shizuo more, he chose to hate Shizuo.

Because Shizuo also hated Izaya.

It would be foolish to love such a brainless monster while being hated, and though Izaya didn't care as much when it came to humans, Shizuo was a whole different matter.

"Stop trying to provoke me."

Izaya smiled at Shizuo's reply.

"If Shizu-chan's more like a human, then I'll like you a bit more, perhaps?"

That was a lie he'd told before.

It didn't seem as easy as he'd expected, well that's as far as thinking that Shizuo would ever come close to actually act like a human being, especially towards Izaya.

Yet there he was, once again, exceeding Izaya's expectations of him. How troublesome. To think that in the past days, the only way Shizuo had ever made him happy was by being entertaining and fun to mess with. Not because Shizuo was nice to him.

Now, however—

Izaya took a deep breath.

Having that small bit of happiness blooming inside him wasn't something he wanted to get used to.

What'd happen if he actually allowed himself to like Shizuo, without the restrained feelings and lies he told himself in attempt to blur such doting view?

Would Shizuo become one of his humans?

or would it develop into something more?

"Anyway, it feels good to know that I'm helping someone, but I don't know if it's doin' anything at all. I mean, I tried, but dunno if it was any good to you."

"Since when did you start to care for me?"

"The moment you asked me for it."

Shizuo passed him the milk, and Izaya wasn't originally going to take it (he preferred coffee), but only one mere onigiri wasn't going to satisfy his hunger that he'd been dealing with -now that he thought about it, he hadn't eaten a proper meal since yesterday, there was only an ice cream when he sent the twins off and the coffee Kadota bought for him, which both he'd thrown up in classroom- for the whole day.

"I don't think I did?"

"On the rooftop."

"I'd never do such thing."

"If this is your way to retain some of your huge pride, sure, you didn't. I already know you can't even keep the promise we made."

The milk was still cool when he drank it, so he opted for some more, lips stayed puckered around the rim of the opening as what Shizuo said circled around in his mind.

Did that really happen?

It angered him that he couldn't recall if he did exactly that, ask Shizuo for care and help. As of today, he'd let himself go far more than what he's usually comfortable with. And he wouldn't have mulled over it so much if they were just strangers that were passing by each other.

"So, do you blame Shinra?" it felt like a sensitive subject still, but he wanted to know what Shizuo thought of it, and he had to change the subject.

"Not really. He has his reasons. Things got out of control."

Izaya quirked a brow, head lolling to the side as he kept his gaze fixated on Shizuo with a newfound interest.

"Interesting, I thought Shizu-chan hated such discriminations."

"It makes sense, and he didn't mean to. I mean, I still think just buyin' a damn cake is still better than pranking anyone for a good laugh on their birthday. But that's not entirely his fault. It's just that you fucked so many people over that they took it too far trying to get their revenge on you."

"Hm. You really do have your smart moments, makes it hard for me to cope with."

"I wish you wouldn't cope with it."

"It'd be easier if Shizu-chan just die, ne? So I don't have to do that."

"And you'd too? I feel like you need support, and if I go," Shizuo took a long drag of his cigarette, almost as though it was the same amount of time for him to contemplate his next words before he exhaled, smoke flowing past his lips which had Izaya's nose crinkled over.

"…who knows what'd happen."

There he goes again.

"Showing off, aren't we?"

"Hah, well, it's rare of you to say any good thing about me."

There was an oddly cosy feeling in his chest, like a forgotten nostalgia coming back forth when Shizuo beamed a smile at him, ash from his cigarette stick falling to the ground from that flick of his finger, and Izaya was sure that Shizuo hadn't even realized that he was showing such sincere expression to someone he hated.

"…because there's nothing good about Shizu-chan," he returned the smile, accompanied with a small bout of laughter.

"Tch. As if you do. Hey, y'know, we probably should go soon."

"Are you going to take me to another convenience store for our wonderful date? No, could it be, an ice cream shop?"

"What are you even on about? We're going to Shinra's."

"Shin—"

"Oi."

Must all good things end so quickly?

"Do I have to?

"Until when are you going to run away?"

"Why should I go to Shinra's?"

"To settle this shit, of course, unless you're going to avoid him forever."

"Isn't that what he wants me to do? Why should I conform to his expectations and hopes? A better choice here would be foiling his plan— despite how late I am, all of his hard work would go to waste."

Izaya knew he was babbling at this point, and he hoped that it all made sense, the words he was spewing out while Shizuo kept his eyes on Izaya.

It made Izaya feel more conscious, to be scrutinized like that, seen through, all of the panic that was building inside him, the anxiety— and by his nemesis no less, who'd never taken the time to do such thing before this.

"You're not telling me something," Shizuo murmured.

"Guess you're gon' hide again."

Shizuo's words had him feeling helpless. Brows knitted and frown etched on his lips, Izaya watched as Shizuo averted his gaze, hand brought up to skim his palm across the nape of his neck.

It frightened him that when a new day arrives, only an expression painted with loathing will greet him again.

"What's wrong?"

That was the softest he'd heard Shizuo's voice ever sound.

"Can I even say this?" Izaya started, and he didn't even mean say his thoughts out loud, but he couldn't go back now, because it's Shizuo, and Shizuo will keep being persistent, and if Izaya didn't say anything, he'd just find out on his own anyway, by reading Izaya effortlessly.

Izaya didn't know when was it that he started to wear his heart on his sleeve.

"I never thought I'd be experiencing a Cinderella story. To fully submit to this, it comes with a risk of desiring it even tomorrow— although it's already slipping from my fingers with the ticking of the clock. Soon it'll be midnight, and I'll still want this tender treatment," there was a lump in his throat now, anxious fingers close to crushing the carton of milk in his hand.

This care.

This warmth.

He wante—

No.

He hated it.

It disgusted him to know that it'll be stripped away from him after having it dangled in front of his face, close enough for him to indulge in it even just for a moment, enough to feel the addicting effects.

"I know you've lived having wish for this kind of dependency, whether you're on the giving or receiving half. So tell me, can Shizu-chan give me such a thing?"

True to his prediction, Shizuo didn't respond.

"I thought so."