*Just noticed that the ending was cut. It is now fixed.* So here's chapter three. Two more to go! This one is kind the long. Please feel free to tell me what you think. :)
The bedroom door flew open, and Gail flung herself onto the bed. She could feel a monster headache taking over, and she wanted to be sleeping before it hit. The frustrated mother had survived an entire afternoon with her ex-girlfriend, her ex's current girlfriend and more than two-dozen children. She had earned her rest. Luckily it was Chris' turn to read the goodnight story to a sleepy Sophie. It meant Gail would get a little more time to enjoy the entire bed before she was forced into the corner.
Of course their daughter was old enough to read her own self to sleep, but they all enjoyed the nightly ritual. It helped to bond them early on in the building of their family. It still amazed Gail how far they had come since they first won custody of Sophie. She used to have nightmares of being returned.
The dark dreams would come so regularly, Gail used to stay awake well into the night until Sophie had made it through one of her dreams. The fear of rejection choked the small girl. But she never lost her welcoming smile. Gail admired her so much, the child who struggled but survived.
For the first six months after her adoption, Sophie kept to herself. She refused to let her new parents see her pain. She thought if she did nothing, absolutely nothing wrong maybe Gail and Chris would keep her. Every spill, every mistake put the fear of God in her. It took constant reassurances from both of them to finally calm Sophie's insecurities.
Thinking about how settled their life was now, Gail admitted she spoiled Sophie. But for a kid that wore her soul on her sleeve, spoiling her was the only way to get through to her. Yes, she sometimes took Gail's unwavering support of her for granted. But Gail did not care. Because the more Gail shared, the less she saw the expression on Sophie's face that called back to a darker uncertain time in her life. Because when those moments, those dark moments, hit her, Gail could only pull Sophie close. She could not erase the memories.
Gail could feel herself drifting off to sleep when she heard Chris's large, clunky feet hit the wooden hallway floor. It sounded like a hammer hitting a hollowed door. She knew the exact second he entered the bedroom. Although it pained her to move, she rolled onto her side of the bed. Fortunately she was able to accomplish the move without lifting her head from her pillow.
"So you're just going to go to sleep now?" Chris asked, his tone sharply cutting into the peaceful night. He puffed as if releasing pent up emotions into the air. He was upset. She heard the irritation in his voice and grumbled. She was just too tired to care.
"Chris, I hope you weren't thinking tonight would be the night we consummated our marriage. The only thing that's getting lucky in this bed is my pillow." The pillow in question swallowed up most of Gail's snarky remarks.
"Can you just look at me, Gail?" Chris griped.
Gail groaned. She guessed sleep would wait. She flipped onto her back and sat up on the bed. Chris leaned against the doorway, a stone-like expression on his face. It was a mixture of disappointment and annoyance. And it made Gail feel like she was sixteen years old standing in front of her father explaining why she had not lived up to her parents' expectations.
"What's got your panties in a wad this time, Christian?" She let the venom drip from her lips. "Spare me your pouty routine and just tell me your problem."
"I don't have a routine." Chris frowned down at Gail, unsure of what she was referencing.
"Yes, you do." Gail gave a drawn out sigh, as if she was a long suffering wife with a dunce of a husband. "I do something you don't like. You bitch. You moan. You pout. Then you apologize. Wait for the next problem. Rinse and repeat."
"Who knew you knew me do well?" He asked sarcastically.
"Get to it or let me sleep." She ordered. Chris rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Apparently, he had elected to sulk. Gail elected to sleep. She threw herself back on the bed, back first, and turned away from him.
"Were you ever going to tell me about your date with Holly?" Chris bit out. "Before Holly brought it up?"
Gail sat back up and looked at Chris. Her face contorted in confusion. He could not be serious.
"I don't have a date with Holly." Gail said clearly, as if trying to pacify a child. "We are just getting together to hash a few things out."
"Who are you trying to kid?" Chris spit out at her. His harsh tone took Gail by surprise. Gail could not tell if Chris was really in a mean mood or if he was being a brat. She gave him a good look. She noted his frown was not angry. It was more like a pout. His crossed arms were obviously meant to be a barrier between them. His eyes were weary, not heated.
Gail forcibly bit down her angry retort. "Chris, I'm not trying to kid anyone."
"I can tell since it's not working," Chris griped. "You are usually better at this."
Gail struggled to keep herself from finding Chris's weak spot and ripping him a new one using it. She counted to ten. Then twenty. By the time she finished Chris was venting his frustrations like he was taking part in a poetry slam.
"I hope you understand that you are putting everything at risk right now, Gail. You do get that, right? We finally have a stable life. No inspections. No pretending. No sudden rearranging our lives. The court is off our backs. Sophie's settled in. And now you want to blow everything up."
"Hold on one minute." Gail jumped in, overtaking Chris' steadily rising voice. Her feet smacked the floor as she sprang out of bed. "You don't know what you're talking about, Chris. It's one meeting. The only blowing up going on here is you blowing the situation out of proportion."
Chris shook his head wildly in disbelief. "You really don't see your actions as putting this family at risk?"
"No. Because they are not putting this family at risk." Gail reassured Chris. She desired normalcy just as much as her friend. And while seeing Holly dredged up old feelings, Gail felt she could control them. If she saw Holly again, when she saw Holly again, she would contain the emotions that filled the air around them when they came together.
"It is just drinks," Gail said with a nonchalant shrug. "She wants to talk."
"Just drinks?" Chris scoffed. "There is no such thing as "just drinks" with you and Holly. And where was this great concern for communication five years ago?"
"You are not going to let this go. Are you?" Gail stared him down. It was a look that has caused weaker man, including Chris to buckle.
"So what if this was a date, which it's not? Chris, you go out with a different girl every night. Sometimes it's more than one!"
"That's different. And you know it." Chris argued.
Gail's hands flew to her hips. "How is that any different?"
"Because I don't consider any of those girls the love of my life!" Chris bellowed.
The words ripped out of him and stayed in the air around them. He could not take them back. Gail could not ignore them. Because he had voiced the real problem between them.
For the first time, Chris looked as lost as he felt. He stormed out of the room. He stopped in the hallway. Gail could not see the emotions that played on his face, but she could guess them. The worry. The frustration. The fear. How had they gotten to a place where they stood yelling at each other while their daughter slept a few feet away? Gail groaned. Sophie. How could she have forgotten?
"Chris." Gail called. He looked at her through the doorway. Sadness filled his eyes. He had already figured it out.
"She's sleeping," He said quietly. He appeared to be assuring Gail, but the words were really for him. Gail still accepted them, unsure of what to do if they were not the truth. She prayed Sophie was curled in her bed sleeping, not listening to them scream at each other. Gail's hands covered her face in despair. They were really screaming at each other.
Chris stepped back into the room and quietly closed the door. The fight that had quickly surged inside both of them seeped out. The headache Gail had been hoping to avoid made its presence known in the ringing of her head. She felt more tired than ever as she sat back on her side of the bed.
"It's just drinks, Chris." Gail said once again. Her voice sounded as weak as she felt.
She did not know what else to say. Not when they were talking about Holly. She could not say he was wrong about how she felt. But she did not think it was right to ban Holly from her life because of it. Gail saw the crack in their relationship, and her mind screamed for her to tread lightly. But Gail feared she could not, not if it meant treading away from Holly.
"I know it sounds crazy to you. Hell, Chris it feels crazy to me." Gail laughed, yet the sound was devoid of any real pleasure. "I shouldn't be fighting for a meeting. But I am, Chris. I am. Can't you see what it means to me?"
"I can." Chris replied with a heavy sigh. "And I'm scared what that means for us."
Gail wilted at the defeat in his tone. Why must this be a battle? Why must someone lose? Gail caught the regret in Chris's eyes before he turned away.
"I guess..." Chris exhaled, trying to shake up what little energy he had left. The stiffness that had him leaning like a board left him.
"Okay, here's the truth. When we first decided to get married for Sophie, a part of me was still in love with you." Chris glanced at her guiltily as Gail groaned his name. He waved away her incredulous expression.
"I know. I'm an idiot. And as time went by, I realized that. Those feelings eventually went away. But they were replaced with something better." Chris smiled so sincerely down at Gail that it changed his entire demeanor. He looked softer, happier.
"They were replaced with a feeling of belonging. We got a family, Gail. You and Sophie are my family. I don't want to lose that. I can't lose it."
"And you won't," Gail pledged passionately.
"How can you be so sure?" Chris volleyed right back to her.
Gail looked at the worry in Chris' eyes and felt tears collect in hers. She wanted to declare that nothing would change between them. If it had been anything else, anyone else, she would have. But they were talking about Holly. That fact alone kept her from making all declaration except one.
"You and Sophie will always be my family, Chris. Nothing will change that. We went through hell to get her. She went through hell to get us. We are a family." Gail spoke the words with complete certainty. It was not just a statement, but a promise.
"Do you trust me?"
Chris tilted his head and looked at his fumbling hands like a petulant child. "That's not fair."
"But it is," Gail argued calmly. She approached him. Their eyes were centered on each other.
"We've been in this together for a long time now. It's the fairest question I got."
Chris' eyes bore into hers, the emotion in them changing in flashes. First confusion. Then fear. Finally acceptance.
"Yeah, I trust you." Chris said reluctantly.
Gail smiled. She took him at his word and hoped he did the same for her. If he could do that, she was sure they would get through whatever was thrown at them, because they had the most important element that bonded partners, trust.
"Okay." Chris said, as Gail patted shoulder. She moved as he walked to the dresser and pulled out his nightclothes. "You have your drinks with Holly if you need it."
"This won't end badly." Gail said with more assurance than she felt.
"I'll follow your lead, Gail." Chris replied, turning towards the bathroom door. The argument was dropped. Chris was resolved. Gail was relieved. She went back to the bed and laid her body down on the welcoming covers. Maybe she would actually get some rest tonight. Maybe everything would work out. Her eyelids slowly found their resting spot when Chris spoke again.
"You didn't try to correct me." He uttered.
Gail's eyes popped open, and she stared at Chris in confusion.
"What?" Gail asked, the thought of sleep put on hold.
"When I said she was the love of your life, you didn't try to correct me." He stood at the door of the bedroom, closely watching her face. "You didn't even look surprised. What does that mean for us?"
Gail looked on silently as Chris left the room. She once again had nothing to say.
Gail was surprised at how much she was enjoying her night at the Penny so far. She spent her first hour with Holly making small talk and it seemed to be going smoothly. Neither woman wanted to be the one who started the serious part of their conversation. And while Gail hated small talk, the conversation with Holly came with such ease for her she dreaded the thought of changing it.
So far, their meet-up had been the easiest part of the day for Gail. Her day started off in misery due to her late night discussion with Chris. Their argument remained under the surface of all of their interactions this morning. The dark cloud hovered as they went about their routine, getting themselves and Sophie ready for the day.
The dark cloud then stuck around as she partnered with an idiot of a rookie. He nearly got her shot. What was worse, because of him, she nearly missed an after-school tutoring session for Sophie. Luckily Sophie did not seem to mind rushing to make it to her appointment on time, but Chris had minded. His displeasure showed when he met them at the center.
Gail told herself this was just a small hill of trouble they needed to climb. Chris would be in a better mood after daughter-daddy time with Sophie. She expected his frustration to wane. It was Chris after all. Of course it would eventually wane.
Yet when he dropped Gail off at the Penny, neither of them said anything except goodbye. The man, who had claimed he would follow her lead, was freezing her out despite promising to trust her. Sophie must have felt the tension because she hugged her mommy little longer and tighter than usual. Gail forced a smile at her frowning baby girl as she told them to have a nice evening. Her eyes lingered on their car as it pulled away.
Her day had been horrible. So much so Gail thought about calling the night off. She thought about not going inside the bar and instead, going home. But she knew Holly was waiting. And she could not leave her there watching for someone who would never appear.
Gail walked into the bar with her horrible day weighing her down. But when her eyes fell on Holly, all of those heavy thoughts, the fighting and the frustration, left her. Her mind dumped them to make room for the rare sight of Holly Stewart sitting at a table in the middle of the bar. Her fingers played with the straw of her drink. Her eyes and smile focused on Gail.
The dark cloud above Gail died. She felt like she was walking into a dream. Nothing felt real in that moment, but everything felt perfect. She realized she could handle Chris' coldness. She could handle the tension. Because as she walked into the Penny, her eyes meeting Holly's in a silent communication of a mutual need, Gail knew she was right where she needed to be.
For the first hour with Holly, Gail clung to the ease of their conversation. It was as casual as her simple blouse and slacks combination. And it worked. They talked about the weather, about life in San Francisco, changes to Toronto, and any nonessential topic that came to mind. But as the hour passed, Gail realized they had strayed away from the purpose of their meeting. They were there to say the things they never got the chance to say, to clear up their mistakes, mend fences, and possibly even move on.
"Are you still thinking about moving back?" Gail blurted out as their server walked away with the glasses from their second round. She left behind a new set.
The change in topics obviously caught Holly by surprise. The glass in her hand froze in the air next to her lips. She looked startled at the question, but quickly hid it in an awkward smile. She sat down her glass, cleared her throat, then she answered.
"Yes, I have thought about moving back. I guess you can say I'm still thinking about it." Holly pushed her glasses more securely onto her face. Gail recognized the move as a nervous tick.
"What would you do?" She asked. She noticed Holly stiffen. Strange. The woman seemed to pull back though she was never one for being shy. Holly bit her bottom lip and gave a faint smile.
"I don't really know…" Holly stuttered as she looked down into her drink.
Gail did not believe her. Holly may be impulsive at times, but she always eventually analyzed every action. Gail guessed Holly had been thinking about a possible move for longer than she felt comfortable. The intuitive cop in her could also see the doctor, now toying with the napkin in her hand, really wanted to talk to someone about it.
"Come on, Holly." Gail leaned in with a grin. Her entire demeanor beaconed Holly to open up. "You forget I know how much you love details. If you are thinking about moving, there is no way you have not already figured out the when, where and how."
Holly's lips lifted slightly in a smile. The evidence of how well Gail knew her never failed to soften her. No one used to know her quirks better. Her eyes drifted over Gail, weighing on whether she should just let her in.
Gail waited. She liked having Holly's eyes on her. She felt warmth wherever they lingered. When Holly finally leaned in, Gail felt as if confetti exploded around her. Holly had chosen to share with her. Gail felt the air lighten around them as Holly lessened her guard.
They leaned towards the center of the table. The similar moves brought their faces closer together. So close, Gail could feel Holly's sweet breath leave her body. She held in a slight shiver. Goose bumps form along her arms. It was as if her body anticipated their first touch.
Gail ignored her body's reaction and focused on the woman besides her. Holly's smile seemed freer than any other time tonight. Gail reacted with a smile of her own. Holly's eyes danced with excitement and Gail's smile grew.
"No one knows yet but-" Holly whispered. She leaned in even further. "Grant may be retiring soon." She ended with a full on grin.
"Grant?" Gail asked, the name unfamiliar to her.
"Grant Smith." Holly supplied. "He's the chief forensic pathologist here. We worked pretty closely together while I was at the morgue. He actually hired me. A few months ago, he reached out to me to see if I would be interested in being his replacement. He's thinking of leaving town all together. He would even rent me his place." The hopefulness in Holly's voice sent a sharp prick of excitement straight to Gail's heart.
"You're serious?" Gail could see the giddiness in Holly. It turned her a light pink as if pressure from the inside pushed to burst out of her. Gail knew this was Holly's dream job. If she closed her eyes she could see them in bed, giggling and speaking softly with each other. Holly would jokingly plan their future together, and she always spoke of her desires to be the boss. The protocols she would change. She described the position as the best of both worlds. It gave her the ability to achieve her ambitions while staying in the city she loved.
"Can you imagine, Gail?" Holly said with a childlike awe in her eyes.
"Yes I can," Gail declared cheerfully. The two shared another smile. Gail held up her glass. "Let me be the first to welcome you home, Doctor Stewart."
"It's not a done deal." Holly chuckled and Gail felt pure joy in every wave of her laughter. Still, the two clinked glasses happily.
And Gail was happy for Holly. Sure their silly plans of a picket white fence, a two story country home with a balcony, a garden and a dog Gail would use to scare the neighbors while letting lovingly protect their children had not panned out. At least a part of the dreams whispered into the night would come true.
But as Gail let herself feel happiness for Holly she could not help but also feel a seed of frustration plant itself in the middle of her joy. Instead of creating more happiness the seed spewed into her brain bitter questions Gail did not want answered.
It asked if Holly thought she was coming back why she had not reached out to Gail. It pondered if Holly had even thought of Gail at all. It dug deep into her memories to bring up past insecurities and worries about the importance of their relationship. The seed clouded the happiness Gail felt for Holly and left her confused about where she stood in both their past and present.
"If you were coming back to the morgue, then you knew you would see me. Unless... were you planning on avoiding me?"
Gail knew the question was rooted in the awful seed, feeding on her insecurities, and she regretted it. It made her sound selfish and secretly unhappy for Holly's success. She hated her question even more when she saw Holly lose the light in her eyes.
"I wasn't planning on avoiding you, Gail." Holly leaned back, putting space between them. Gail felt the loss of their connection to her bones. Still, she didn't buy it. She looked away to prevent Holly from seeing her roll her eyes. Holly saw it anyway.
"I wasn't." Holly defended herself. "I wanted to see you."
Gail bit her lips trying to keep the words forming in her brain from slipping out. But their bitter taste could not hold and they escaped.
"Holly, you haven't wanted to see me for five years. So forgive me if I don't believe you were anxiously awaiting our reunion at the morgue."
Holly's lips drew into a thin line. Her eyes harden. "You know that is not all together accurate, Gail."
"It sounds about right to me," Gail declared. She took another sip of her drink. The alcohol had lost its sweetness. She could only feel its sting going down her throat. "But I guess we see it different."
Holly's eyes darkened, their usual warm brown nearly black. She glared at Gail, perturbed. "I don't know why you hold me responsible for our breakup."
"You left." The statement held a finality to it that those two little words could not contain.
"You told me to go." Holly rebutted. Her lips withdrew even more, making a thinner line. Gail could see she was really trying reel in her emotions.
"You told me to leave and then apparently you forgot that part of our conversation."
"I've forgotten nothing, Holly," Gail finished her drink. She did not want to talk anymore. She sat the drained glass down and looked into its depths.
"Believe me. I remember everything. The entirety of us."
Holly's head went to the side. She inspected Gail, going over her as she would a set of bones. Whatever she saw did not make her happy. Apprehension swam in the eyes that looked Gail over.
Gail's hand flew to her temple and began a sharp massage, easing a headache that had not yet appeared. When she looked at Holly, her eyes darkened with weariness.
"Can't we get passed it?" Holly asked. She searched Gail's face for a clue or possibly an answer. "Can't we be friends again?"
"Is that what you want from me?" Gail asked in response. "Do you want us to just be friends again?"
"Yes." Holly answered earnestly.
She then paused, letting Gail's question and the connected question in her eyes sink in. Gail was not just asking should they be friends. She was asking if she toss away their past, start over.
In the silence of the moment, Gail took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. She looked at the worry creases in Holly's forehead, the frown lines along the side of her mouth. Time had passed and they had changed. Gail understood those simple facts. She also understood Holly's desire to want to go back to the ease of their first meeting.
But when she remembered their first meeting, she also remembered their first kiss. The first time her hand softly caressed Holly's cheek. The first time they made love. The first time they confessed their love. Gail could not go back to being friends, because she could not ignore that they had always been more.
Holly looked away, her eyes no longer in Gail's view. Gail wondered about the obvious conversation going through her mind. Whatever its topic, it caused Holly's eyes to water when she looked back to Gail.
"I don't know." Holly whispered.
"You don't know what?" Gail asked.
Holly wanted to agree to the stipulation. Gail read it in her expression. She wanted to say she was willing to erase their history. Yet she slowly shook her head as she answered again.
"I don't have to take the job." Holly sighed, demoralized. "I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it anyway."
Gail hated herself at that moment for taking away the joy Holly had so easily shared with her. She did not want to be the cause of Holly giving up her dream. She signaled for the server to return to their table.
"No. It's your job. You earned it. Take it. We will figure this out." When the server stood before her, Gail smiled with a tinge of darkness. She just had three words for her.
"Another round please."
Holly connected with Gail's eyes. Where do they go from here? Her lips separated, but no words came out. She closed them, tried again. Again, there were no words. They decided to look at the bar and wait for their drinks. They sat silent. Waiting.
The doorbell was a really fun thing to ring, Gail thought. She decided to keep pushing the button no matter how many times Holly told her to stop. She even pushed it after the front door of her home swung open and a bleary-eyed Chris glared down at her. She decided to stop when he physically removed her hand from the button.
"What in the hell, Gail?" He whispered. "Are you trying to wake up Sophie?"
"Sorry Chris," Gail apologized, drawing out the words so they sounded as one. She wore the pout of a six year old. Chris grimaced. He had seen inebriated Gail enough to know the signs. He opened the door wider and moved to let her in. Gail tried to walk on her own, but she nearly slammed into the wall. Luckily Holly caught her.
"I think she is going to need some help upstairs." Holly shared. Chris went to grab Gail but found his wife had a death grip on her ex.
"Gail, let her go." Chris ordered.
"Nope. Not ready to." Gail replied with a cheeky grin. Her hold tightened. Holly looked worrisomely outside the door.
"The cab," she nodded towards the road. Chris looked out and saw the car waiting. He gave a frustrated groan.
"Okay. I'll take care of the cab. You can take her upstairs," Chris turned towards the door. He stopped when Holly grabbed his arm. Her purse landed in his hand. He looked at her questioningly.
"You are going to need money, and you don't have on any pants." Holly explained with a wryly smile.
Chris looked down and realized she was right. He took her purse and walked out of the door. Holly looked up the stairs and wondered how she was going to get Gail to the top quietly. She didn't even know which room was hers. She calculated the best angle to push Gail when the drunken blonde let go of her and headed for the stairs herself.
"Our room is to the right, at the end of the hall." Gail grumbled as she stumbled up the first few stairs. Holly rushed behind her to catch her in case she fell back.
Gail felt the hands on her back and gave a small laugh. "You still know how to take good care of me."
"And you still know how to be a pain in the ass." Holly replied with a smile. She maneuvered Gail up the final steps.
"It's such a lovely ass though." Gail smirked as they turned towards her room.
"Thanks I guess." Holly smirked.
"Hey, I was talking my own ass. It's so beautiful." Gail heard Holly chuckle and felt flush by the melodic sound. She could never tire of hearing it.
They made it into Gail's room, taking extra time to be as discrete as possible as they passed Sophie's room. Holly complimented Gail on her home, but Gail merely grunted in response. Once inside of the room, she guided Gail onto the bed and slipped off her shoes.
"Holly, you don't have to do this," she reminded her.
"I know," Holly replied as she grasped Gail's jacket and pulled it down her shoulders.
Gail let Holly take charge. She rarely felt completely comfortable being in someone else's care. But Holly was different. Holly knew how to care for Gail without making her feel pathetic. She put up with Gail's attitude, which made Gail want to be less difficult.
Holly moved a little roughly but Gail loved the feel of Holly's hands on her again. Where she touched her, Gail's body felt intense emotion. Accidental skin to skin contact created immediate sparks.
Holly worked without a word. She did her best to make Gail comfortable. The entire time Gail felt herself weakening at Holly's soft hands and sweet demeanor. Gail's head fell against Holly's neck. Her forehead rubbed against the crook of her neck. Holly paused. Her hands tightened on the jacket, crushing it between her fingers.
"What are you doing?" She asked. Her voice trembled slightly.
"I need to tell you something." Gail spoke the words quietly into the air. Her mind felt like cotton candy that would dissolve at any moment. But she knew there was something she had share with Holly.
Holly only heard Gail because her lips were so close to Holly's ears. She scooted back on the bed, putting space between them. She saw that look on Gail's face. The look that said she was going to do something she probably shouldn't. When they were together, Holly loved her unpredictable nature. But they weren't together. They were separated, and she did not need the flutters she got from Gail's tender gaze.
"No you don't." Holly's voice flickered in and out in a nervous beat.
Gail looked at Holly. She took in her firm expression and rigid body. Gail's cloudy emotions cleared a little bit, enough to realize she was not the only one still affected by their close proximity.
She leaned into the space, bringing them back together and put her head once in the crook of Holly's neck.
"Don't you care what I have to say?"
Holly shook her head against Gail, her hair softly brushing over her. She listened closely and heard Holly's breathing quicken. Before Gail could speak, Holly stood up and took a few steps away from the bed. She was still close enough for Gail to feel heat. But she was at a safe enough distance that the fire did not burn.
"Stop it," Holly ordered.
But Gail did not see a problem with wanting to be near Holly. Maybe Holly did not want the same? She frowned at the thought. One look at Holly wiped away her frown. The dark desire in Holly's eyes was blatant. Right now, she seemed very interested in Gail's lips. Gail gave a tilted small smile. She definitely was not the only one affected.
Gail laid her body back on the bed, hitting the mattress and bouncing some.
"I guessed I ruined your night," She muttered.
Holly stared back down at Gail with eyes so tender, the color would disappear if they softened anymore. Gail did not know if it was the alcohol or just Gail, but her look that made her stomach do jumping jacks. The look only lasted a moment. It disappeared when Holly saw the same look mirrored on Gail's face.
"I would not say you ruined my night. It wasn't perfect," Holly shrugged. "But it was-"
"Still kind of beautiful?" Gail finished quietly as she closed her eyes. She felt smooth fingers caress her forehead, moving the hair from her face.
"Yeah." Holly said in a voice that sounded miles away. "Still kind of beautiful."
Gail felt Holly's eyes of her and knew if she opened her eyes at that moment she would meet an intense gaze. She was about to do just that when she heard Chris' heavy footsteps. She really wanted to avoid getting yelled at so she kept her eyes closed. She knew she had done right thing when she heard the frustration in Chris' voice.
"That asshole of a cabbie... I think he overcharged you." Chris bit out. "I tried to get him to lower it but... Let me grab my wallet and pay you back."
"Don't worry about it." Holly said. Her voice sounded father away. Gail figured Holly put more distance between them when Chris entered the room. She immediately missed her.
"I think I should call Meg." Holly stated as if it was her big escape from the night. "She can pick me up."
"No, I'll take you home," he offered.
"You have a child in the house," Holly said in her tone that gave no room for argument. "And the only other adult here is out for the night. I'll call Meg, but thank you."
The room grew quiet. Gail wondered if Holly left to make her call. She regretted how their night had taken a bad turn. She probably should not have enjoyed the bar so much. She opened her eyes and saw the room was empty. Gail lay there thinking about Holly and Chris downstairs, talking. She did not like the thought. Her drooping eyelids argued for sleep. But her instincts told her she needed to get up. She hadn't heard Chris' clunky feet so it can't have been far.
Gail gingerly got off the bed and walked out of the room. She stumbled but was able to make it down the hall with the help of the wall. She heard Chris talking when she made it to the stairs. Looking down she saw two figures standing at the end. She easily made out who was who but she could not see their faces.
"Chris, what's going on with Gail?" Holly asked bluntly, interrupting whatever lame conversation Chris had started.
Gail did not like her almost maternal tone. She remembered the worried frowns Holly gave her when she started to drink more alcohol. She remembered the haughty suggestions from her that they find something else to keep them from fighting, like talking.
"She's..." Chris struggled with the right words. Gail stiffened in apprehension. Then he exhaled harshly. "I don't know. But she'll figure it out. She always figures it out."
Chris's faith in her just made Gail feel more awful. Gail understood she really needed to get her shit together. But she definitely did not support what Chris had to say. She did not always figure it out. That was part of her problem.
"Maybe you should give her some space?" Chris suggested pointedly to Holly.
"Excuse me?" Holly asked, shocked by Chris's advice. "What do I have to do with any of this?"
Chris shifted on his feet. "You and Gail have a lot of baggage."
"I would not say-" Holly tried to refute but Chris did not let her finish.
"I know you don't agree. But Holly, maybe thing would return to normal if you just backed off some? You need to stop seeing my wife."
Gail felt the tension spike in the room and she was in the hallway.
"Chris, I'm not seeing Gail." Holly said calmly, too calmly. Gail did not have to see her face to know Holly was fuming inside.
"Holly, we don't need to pretend here. I was there for round one of you two." Chris said derisively. "I picked her up after the first knockout."
"To say something like that, then you obviously were not there for round one." Holly retorted.
"Sadly I was. And I'm here now," Chris' palm connected with the wall. He leaned over Holly almost like he was Gail's older protective brother. Holly was not intimidated but she was dumbfounded that he thought he needed to be intimidating.
"Holly, this is hard for me," Chris began. "I have always liked you. And if this was a different circumstance, I would be rooting for you. But this is my family. I'm here now. So I'm asking you to stop whatever it is you two are doing. We can see clearly that it's not good for Gail. Just. End. It."
"Chris!" The name burst from Gail's lungs when Gail least expected it. The two bodies at the bottom of the stairs turned and looked up. Chris looked both guilty and determined. He thought he was making the right move. Holly looked from him to Gail and back again, then took a step back.
"I will wait outside for Meg." Holly said and hurriedly left out the front door.
Gail watched Holly scurried away. The sight made her even more furious. Her eyes connected with Chris. Her anger seemed to fuel the anger in him. Gail knew two things. She was going to need coffee. And they were facing another long night.
Gail and Chris was playing the silent game. At least that's what they told Sophie. Neither of them had said a word to the other since last night after Holly left. After Gail stopped Chris' ranting to her ex, their conversation had ended. She could not even look at Chris without seething inside. How dare he try to push Holly? She would not allow anyone else to attack her. Holly did not deserve it.
The two friends had went to bed without as much as a goodnight. They ate breakfast in silence, breaking the quiet only to talk to their daughter. They were out of sync. But Gail was too upset to be worried.
It was her turn to take Sophie to school but Chris bucked their routine, grabbing the car keys before Gail could. She said nothing, quietly watching as they left the home without a word spoken. Once they were gone, Gail sent a quick text to her partner for the day to pick her up and went back upstairs to get dressed.
Gail tried to understand Chris' point of view. He was coming from a good place. She was sure of it. Her certainty did nothing to lessen her sour mood. It also did nothing to change her conviction when she noticed a strange purse on her bedroom dresser.
Gail decided she needed to meet the problem head on. She needed to apologize, an act Gail dreaded even thinking about. When Chloe showed up to pick up Gail, she worked out a plan. When they arrived to the station, she took Chloe's car and put her plan into action.
Gail did not think about where she was going until she was inside of the swankiest hotel she had stepped into in years. She stood at the front desk and gave the card in her hand another look. Her eyes zoomed around the room, searching the lobby for any familiar faces. She was disappointed when she did not see anyone. Giving up, Gail dropped the purse off at the front desk and turned to leave. She made it halfway to the front doors before Holly jogged into the lobby.
She stopped moving when she saw Gail. Her eyes wide with shock. "What are you doing here?"
Gail refrained from staring at the glowing woman. This was not the time. She rushed back to the front desk and grabbed the purse. Giving the concierge a quick thank you, she made her way back to Holly.
"Can we talk?" The words flew out of her mouth with an urgency. Confusion contorted Holly's face. Gail looked at her scrunched face and closed the gap between them. She pulled of the earbuds out of Holly's ears.
She tried again. "Can we talk?" She saw Holly visibly repel.
"I don't think that's not a good idea." Holly looked around the room. Gail considered that Holly was worried they could be caught talking. She could also be having the same issue with her girlfriend as Gail and Chris.
"I just want a moment." She assured. She did not wait for an answer. She grabbed Holly's hand and headed down the hall. She searched for an open space and found it in what looked like a banquet room. Pulling the brunette inside, Gail closed the door and turned around. She found Holly watching her closely and was suddenly hit with apprehension. Now what, she asked herself.
"Your purse." Gail shared, holding it up as evidence. "You left it."
"Yeah," Holly acknowledged as she took the purse. "I realized that last night. I didn't… I wanted to…"
"I got it, Holly." Gail interrupted Holly's uncomfortable pauses. "You didn't want to come back to the house after Chris' ridiculous outburst."
"It wasn't ridiculous." Holly wrapped her hands around the purse as she looked down at it in discomfort. "He's your husband. I'm your... I'm...
"You're Holly." Gail finished with a small smile.
Holly looked at Gail's smile and softened. Gail could see her second guess the move when she looked away again.
"It's no surprise that he doesn't like us spending time together."
"It's not as simple as that." Gail refuted. She knew what Holly was doing. She could tell Gail's anger was focused on Chris. She seemed worried about hurting their relationship, proving Chris right.
"Trust me, Holly." Gail vowed. "None of our relationships are that well defined."
Holly still refused to look at her. In fact, she turned her entire body away.
"Be that as it may, I think it's best that I'm leaving tomorrow." Holly spoke to the wall in front of her without any emotion. But Gail felt the words like a slap on her face.
"You're leaving?" She wanted Holly to repudiate her earlier statement or at least make a clarification. "But you're coming back for the job, right?"
Gail's eyes bore into Holly's back as the quiet doctor shook her head.
"I've decided not to take the job offer."
Gail's chest took the impact of each wave of her head like the toss of a jagged rock. The pain fanned out through Gail's body until it took everything in her to remain standing.
Of course, she told herself bitterly. She repeated the two words. Each time was more sickening than the last. She let it sink in, but did not let herself fall apart. Holly would not see her pain.
"I'm glad I didn't buy that fruit basket," Gail laughed but the sound was hollow. She pulled every piece of emotion from her face. When she was confident she was a clear as a stone, she spoke again.
"I just came to apologize for last night. It was a bad move. It shouldn't have ever happened."
Holly turned to Gail. Concern created lines on her face. "I'm glad you think that. That has to help."
"Help what?" Gail frowned. "What do you mean?"
She was fighting the dueling emotions inside of her. One set told her to ignore Holly and walk swiftly. The other set kept her feet planted in that spot.
"I want to make sure you're fine." Holly said earnestly.
"Of course I'm fine." Gail griped. "This isn't the first time you've walked out of my life, Holly. I'm starting to get used to it."
"That's not what I'm talking about." Holly grumbled. She looked at the door, like she wanted to leave right now. But nothing was holding her back. So Gail was surprised when she took a step forward.
"I've seen you for three days since I've been back, if we count today. And on two of those days, you were at some stage of inebriation." Holly paused, searching for the right words. Gail grimaced at where the conversation seemed to be hinting at.
"Gail, I wonder if the coping mechanism you use is healthy for you or your family."
Holly exhaled slowly. She seemed relieved the words were out but scared of Gail's reaction. And she should be. Gail's lips were so drawn, Holly thought she saw her teeth. She looked furious.
"Are you kidding me right now, Holly?" Gail screamed without raising her voice.
"I didn't want to bring it up." Holly stumbled over the words, anguish in her voice. "But I'm worried about you. You don't seem happy."
"And you are the happiness guru?" Gail growled. "You have seen me for three days. But you have been M.I.A. for five years. Not to mention you are a forensic pathologist, not a damn psychiatrist."
"I get it." Holly mumbled. "But if you witnessed the same troubling behavior with me, you would say something." Her eyes implored Gail to understand. Gail nodded swiftly, even though her expression remained heated.
"You are right. I would say something. I should say something. Because I heard everything your girlfriend said to you. Your total lack of commitment when it comes to her is very concerning, Holly. You were never one to shy away from the connections in your life. You have this loving girlfriend who just wants to make a home and family with you, and where are you? With me. I think that's cause for concern."
Holly's expression went dead of emotions. It matched her tone perfectly. "Okay. I should not have said anything. This conversation is over."
Gail threw up her hands in frustration. "Of course that's what you do best. Walk away. Some things never change."
"Stop it Gail." Holly snapped. "Stop blaming me. I did not walk away. You told me to go."
"You were going to go anyway," Gail argued. "I could not have stopped you."
"But I wanted you to come with me!" Holly hands went into her hair as she turned from Gail. It always came back to their past, she thought, full of sorrow.
"I couldn't leave Sophie." Gail said. They were similar to the words she had spoken five years earlier. Holly's head dropped as she tried to steady her emotions.
"You couldn't leave Sophie," Holly repeated. "So you chose, Gail. You chose to stay here. I wasn't the one who walked away."
"What other choice did I have Holly?" Gail asked bitterly. "Tell you to stay when you so obviously wanted to go?"
"You don't know what I wanted, Gail." Holly answered with the words she had always wanted to say. "We talked about it twice. We had longer conversations about the shows on our DVRs."
"So you wanted to talk." Gail crossed her arms in defense as the memory of that night raised its ugly head. "About what? How your eyes lit up when you told me about the job. How this was a step up for you?"
She remembered being so happy with Holly and having it ripped away. She remembered waiting for emotions to calm before they talked about it. She could still her Holly's voice jump in excitement as they talked. Excitement she tried to hide. Excitement Gail never wanted her to hide.
"You are right. I told you to go." Gail walked in front of Holly. She wanted her to see the sincerity in her eyes.
"I let you go because it was San Francisco. A new job. A chance to be the boss. Be excited over something. You didn't have your dream here, Holly. I wanted you to have your dream."
"But I wanted you." Holly declared. Her eyes watered as they gazed into Gail's deep blues. "I wanted... I wanted the dream. But the dream included you."
Holly shook her head as if trying to shake the bad memories. Her sad eyes eventually came back to Gail.
"Why we let this go?"
"You know why, Holly." Gail pushed, "You know why. I know why. Chris knows why. Hell, your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend probably knows why."
Holly shook her head at Gail's words.
"Come on, Holly. She's probably packing her bags as she speaks. Do me a favor. Make sure she doesn't take the soap. I don't want to be called back here for a domestic."
Holly's mouth went upward at the memory Gail decided to play with. Their argument over a scummy bar of soap Gail wanted to keep from their first weekend away. Holly found it utterly disgusting. Gail found it hilarious. Holly shook her head at the thought.
"There's the Gail I miss." She gazed deeply at Gail. The fury was gone, replaced with regret. "I miss you so much."
Holly took Gail's hands into hers, cradling them lovingly. Gail used her thumbs to caress the back of Holly's hand. The women looked at each other, letting their emotional history settled around them instead of in between them.
"Don't be mad," Holly whispered as more of the space between them disappeared.
"I have to be." Gail said just as quietly. Her words filled with an unspoken pain. "I can't let go of the anger, Holly."
"Why?" Holly groaned. "I don't want you to be angry anymore. It's not good for you."
Gail's head twisted repeatedly from left to right. "You're wrong. My anger keeps me strong." She pulled her hands away from Holly.
"That's insane, Gail." Holly grabbed Gail's chin stilling their motion, connecting Gail's gaze back with her eyes
"No it's survival," Gail rationalized. "If I don't have the anger then all I have is this." She pressed her hands to her chest. "All I have is regret. Mistrust. Uncertainty."
Gail laid her forehead against Holly's. She closed her eyes hoping it could stem the growing emotions in her.
"There is so much fear, Holly." Gail groaned as she replayed her life. The moments of suffering, disappointment and disaster. She reminded that she had made it through all of it, but not unscathed.
"There's also hope, Gail." Holly gently reminded Gail.
Hope seemed like a foreign idea to Gail. Truth is she had used up all her hope trying to get Sophie the first time around. Now they mostly lived on Chris' supply. And with his sunny disposition he had more than enough to steal.
She couldn't allow herself to hope. She said as much to Holly.
"If I had hope..." Gail swallowed hard. "If I hoped, imagine what that would bring."
Gail's eyes flew open to find her and the awaiting warmth of her gaze. All she wanted to do was lose herself in the woman besides her. Gail licked her lips suddenly parched from... hell, She didn't know what.
"With hope comes desire..."
Gail felt herself falling, going against everything she thought was right for her. Her hands moved of their own accord to cup Holly's cheeks. As her thumbs caressed her lips, she heard Holly whimper. Gail bit her bottom lip.
"If I lose the anger, I could lose everything." Gail's voice grew thick with emotion.
Gail looked at Holly as an admirer would a work of art, taking in every part of her lovely face. Her entire body tingled with awareness. Her blood raced. She felt hot, but in a heavenly sort of way. She let herself become absorbed in Holly. And saw Holly become just as absorbed in her.
"But look at what you could gain." Holly asked.
Holly wet her lips with her tongue as Gail leaned in towards her. Hope. Holly. Talk about a pair too addictive to walk away from.
Gail and Holly's lips met in a light caress that slowly deepened. Gail let loose a small moan which Holly felt cascade down her body. In the back of Gail's mind, a screaming warning list laid out everything that could go wrong with this. She knew she was crossing a line. That she was breaking a promise that could never be fixed. But she felt it. She felt the sliver of hope creeping in as she pulled Holly even closer. Gail no longer cared about the consequences. Instead she let herself think that maybe things would turn out okay.