Before he could say anything, let alone process what was happening, he heard an unfamiliar voice call out.
"Kathryn, there you are I've been looking everywhere," a young man said.
She smiled brightly and leaned in to kiss this mysterious man. Chakotay's jaw clenched at the sight of someone else kissing the woman he loved, but this was obviously long ago and he knew there was no real reason for him to be jealous. His rationalization did nothing to rid him of his discomfort towards their display of affection.
"I'm sorry I was just finishing something," Kathryn whispered.
"Well, we'd better get off this ship and meet up with your father before he writes us up for tardiness and inappropriate behavior."
"What inappropriate behavior?" she asked with a raised brow and a slight smirk.
"Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something," he chuckled.
Chakotay was silently taking in the scene between the young lovers. Was this some sort of temporal anomaly? That wouldn't explain what happened in his vision quest. He realized he had still been staring awkwardly when his eyes caught the young man's apprehensive glare.
"So, are you going to introduce me to your friend here?" he asked.
"Well, I was waiting for him to introduce himself. I'm afraid we've never met," Kathyrn smiled.
Suddenly Chakotay realized they were talking to him.
"Oh, my apologies. My name is Commander Chakotay-"
"Commander? Of what ship?" the man asked.
He had spoken without thinking things through, now flustered and searching for an answer, he said the first thing he could come up with.
"Well, she isn't quite ready for action quite yet but the ships name is Voyager,"
"Never heard of it," he said.
"It's not quite public knowledge, but I trust you two can keep a secret," Chakotay replied.
"That we can," Kathryn spoke while putting a hand on the man's chest, an obvious warning for him to back off of Chakotay and calm down.
"Are those the new uniforms?" she asked in confusion, her eyes looking him up and down quickly before returning to his eyes. He searched in the deep blue depths for some sense of recognition, but there was nothing there except curiosity and politeness. He gathered his thoughts and answered her question.
"Uhhhh..yes, yes I'm just trying them out," he said nervously.
"Well they look to be an upgrade from these stuffy things," she laughed and tugged at her collar.
"I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself yet," the young man spoke up.
He stepped forward to shake Chakotay's hand.
"Justin Tighe."
He stepped back and wrapped his arm around Kathryn's waist.
"And this is my fiancee-" he paused and looked down at Kathryn with a soft smile.
"And soon to be the mother of my child, Kathryn Janeway."
She gently elbowed him in the stomach but was concealing her obvious delight.
"Justin! I thought you said we'd wait to start telling people," she whispered, but Chakotay could still hear.
Justin looked up at Chakotay with a smug grin and said, "Well he trusted us with his secret, I'm sure we can trust him with ours,"
She shook her head and then turned to face Chakotay who had turned pale as a sheet in a matter of seconds.
"I'm only ten weeks. We were supposed to wait until the thirteenth week to start telling everyone, but apparently, he's a little impatient to spread the news."
Chakotay's head was spinning. Pregnant. But to his knowledge, she never had any children, at least none that she spoke of. He felt sick thinking that she may have kept something like this hidden from him.
"That..that's wonderful, congratulations," he said, stumbling a bit over his words.
"Thank you, we're very excited," Justin said proudly.
"Well, if you'd excuse us, we have somewhere to be," Kathryn said.
"Of course! It was nice meeting you both," Chakotay managed a polite smile and a nod.
They returned the gesture and walked away hand-in-hand. His heart and mind were racing. He didn't have time to process what he had heard, he just needed to figure out what was going on and how to get out of there. He turned to walk down the next hall, but as he took each step, his surroundings began to dissipate. Like grains of sand blowing away in the wind, it all faded away until he was left in an empty void of darkness. He turned quickly, his breath catching in his throat. He managed to still see a light and chased after it.
When he reached it, he realized he was in a Starfleet office, and there were Kathryn and Justin with an older man he could only assume to be…
"Daddy, I told you it's perfectly fine," Kathryn said.
"Alright, you can come, but if I hear one word about this from your mother-"
"You won't, you've said it yourself that the ship couldn't be safer."
He stood there in silence waiting to be noticed, when suddenly Kathryn looked right at him, still stoic and calm in her expression. He frantically began speaking, trying to come up with some excuse or apology for intruding, but she went along talking to Justin like he wasn't there.
"They can't see you. Not right now at least," came a voice that sent shivers down his spine.
Chakotay jumped nearly a foot in the air as he turned around to see a short woman with dark brown hair and striking green eyes.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"Me? Well, I'm anyone I want to be...at least in here. Out in the real world, they call me many things: batibat, sleep demon, witch, incubi. All very lovely, but I prefer Mara."
"What is this place?" he asked.
She smiled and looked over at Kathryn.
"We're in her dream...her memory, really. Truth be told it was hard picking which one to use. She's been through so much. I was torn between this...or the Cardassian prison, but I'm not one for boring run-of-the-mill torture. This day is much more...appropriate," she said with a grin.
"How did I get here?"
"That is a very good question. One which I'm curious to find the answer to myself. I've never seen anyone just walk out of their own nightmare like that. But no matter, I'm perfectly content to watch you run around in hers. After all, her pain causes you pain, if I'm correct. I can see from the way you look at her that she means everything to you. And I will take divine pleasure in forcing you to watch her fall apart over and over again for the rest of eternity,"
His eyes quickly shot up to meet hers.
"I don't understand."
"Oh dear, the fun has only just begun. You'll understand soon enough, but by then it will be too late," she giggled, walking around the room and in between Kathryn and her father. She examined all their faces with a delighted stare.
"Why are you doing this?" his rising anger was demonstrated in his tone, but it only caused Mara to laugh more.
She walked over to face him with an amused gleam in her eyes.
"I have three thousand years of hell to unleash. Finally, someone let me out of that damned box. It's no fun all alone in there, nothing to do, no one to play with. I fully intend on making up for lost time,"
"Why can't she see me anymore?"
"In here, I control everything. She'll only be able to see you when I say so, and I'm waiting for the perfect moment."
The three occupants of the room moved towards the door and walked right through Chakotay like he was nothing.
"Oh! It's showtime. Nearly my favorite part, you won't want to miss this…and I won't let you,"
She snapped her fingers and with a flash, he reappeared on a small ship.
"Welcome aboard the Terra Nova!" Mara said gleefully, outstretching her arms to showcase the ship in all its glory. She giggled with a giddy sense of anticipation.
Chakotay looked around in confusion, but before he could ask any more questions she whispered.
"Oh! Here they come!"
"I hope you're up to pilot, son," Edward said, patting his future son-in-law on the shoulder.
"Of course! If you think I'm up to the job."
"Well, if you're capable of making my daughter happy, I'm quite sure you can do anything,"
Kathryn shot a glance at her father but was unable to conceal her smirk.
"I plan on making her very happy for a long time," Justin replied earnestly.
Edward gave a smile and a slight nod at the boy before turning to his daughter.
"Katie, would you mind helping me in the back with something?"
"Sure," her voice remained flat but her eyes and a slight wrinkle in her brow conveyed her confusion.
Once out of earshot from Justin, Edward turned to face her.
"So, when were you planning on telling your mother and I?"
"Telling you what?" she asked innocently.
"Don't play dumb,"
She huffed in frustration and her cheeks turned pink from embarrassment.
"How did you find out?" she asked.
"I remember long ago when your mother was pregnant with you, and then Phoebe. She showed the same symptoms both times, symptoms that I've noticed in you over the past few days. Nausea, over-heating, and you suddenly went from eating nothing to eating almost everything in sight,"
"I was going to tell everyone after we passed the 13th-week mark,"
"You mean after you were married?"
"Well yes, I suppose the timing does line up quite well," she agreed, guiltily.
"Katie, please promise me that you aren't marrying that boy because of the child."
"Daddy! How could you say a thing like that! Justin is truly the love of my life. You of all people should know that I would never marry anyone for anything less than true love. He's the one, and this child we're bringing into the world solidifies every promise we plan on making in a few weeks. Besides with today's technology, it's hard to have a child by mistake. I know that I'm young but he and I both agreed that it was a good time and we didn't want to wait any longer,"
"Alright. I'm just making sure. Honestly, I just can't believe how grown you are...and how old I've gotten. Grandpa… not sure I'm ready to hear that quite yet."
She laughed and shook her head.
"What would you prefer...Pop-pop?" she asked jokingly.
"Maybe grandpa is more suitable. Katie...I'm happy for you two, don't doubt that,"
She smiled and leaned in for a brief hug. Once they were done, she stood straightened and smoothed out her jacket
"Well, let's get back up there," she suggested, turning around, but he caught her arm and gently had her face him once more.
"One more thing," he said seriously.
"Hmm?"
"Promise me you'll take it easy? I know you, you'll be working yourself to the bone even when you shouldn't, you get it from me."
"Justin said the same thing. He's been checking in on me every few hours. Bringing me food and encouraging me to take breaks. It's almost like he's practicing parenting on me."
She turned and started walking back towards the helm and he followed, whispering, "Good. Someone ought to remind you to take care of yourself a little better, especially now that it isn't just you,"
Chakotay watched them all happy and going back and forth easily in conversation.
"Why today?" Chakotay mumbled.
"What was that?" Mara asked.
"I asked, why today? You said you had to choose which day and this one seemed more appropriate. Why?"
"It's my job to find a person's absolute worst memory. The one that crushes a part of them so completely that even just thinking about it takes their breath away. This is that day for her."
"She seems so happy,"
"Only for a short while longer. This process is much more entertaining when I give them happiness to hold onto before ripping it away. Provides a better impact,"
"Don't worry Chakotay. In a little bit, you'll see exactly why I chose this day,"
He felt the familiar humming of the ship's core beneath his feet, and they began their journey.
"I'll be back later. I have some other...friends I need to check up on. But rest assured that I'll be back in time for my favorite part!"
It had taken an hour, maybe longer, for the first sign of turbulence. He noticed the location and immediately he remembered, her father died on Tau Ceti Prime, the same planet gracing the viewscreen before him. She had told him about the crash but failed to mention that she was involved.
They began a descent as the alarms started blaring. He watched in numb confusion and helplessness as the three of them began to panic. Justin raced past him to go fix a problem in the back of the ship. Kathryn soon followed as her father remained to try and regain control.
"Justin, we need to eject the warp core!" She yelled.
"The ship won't hold during the impact of the explosion," he replied and continued to work furiously on the console in front of him.
"We don't have a choice!" she shouted.
He looked at her with concern in his eyes before grabbing her harshly by the wrist and leading her somewhere.
"Justin what are you doing?" she shouted angrily.
He didn't reply, opening the hatch on an escape pod.
"No, Justin stop!"
He lifted her petite body as she fought against him and put her quickly in the pod, closing it before she could get out.
"Justin please!" Her cries were muffled as she banged her hands to try and open the pod. His hand rested on the pod, a loving and gentle touch, and she realized it was a goodbye, but neither would say those words, holding on to the smallest bit of hope that it wasn't true.
"I made a promise to your father. No matter what happened, you'd be safe. I love you, Kathryn," he said tearfully before hitting the commands to eject the pod.
Her eyes, flooded with tears, grew wide in shock as she slipped away.
"No! Please don't leave-" she was cut off as the pod flew out of the ship.
"Sir! She's out. Eject the core!"
Chakotay's perceived sight had vanished. When his eyes readjusted to his new surroundings, he shivered as he acclimated to the low temperatures.
He heard it like an aching cry. The sound of metal as it began to sink to the bottom of the icy depths. The terra nova had crashed, it's hull was nearly demolished. His heart ached at the sight, but a soft moan of pain brought his attention elsewhere. He immediately turned to see Kathryn lying on icy ground. Her escape pod must've been thrown by the blast of the ejected warp core, he saw it crashed and smoking a few hundred feet away.
She was bloodied and crawling slowly towards the sight of the sinking ship. Her breaths came in harsh and labored gulps. From the way she moved he could tell she had several broken bones and her adrenaline was the only thing keeping her going. He wanted so badly to help her, to hold her and tell her she would be alright, but he couldn't. He was a ghost, a spectator to her agony and nothing more. He watched as she gathered scraps of things and began fiddling with them. He realized they were parts of the transporter.
She managed to have it in working function within a few minutes, but quickly realized she would only have enough power to save one. She saw their life signs, weak and growing weaker with each passing second. A sob escaped her lips as she tried to think of who she should save. She watched as the life sign of her father faded away in the blink of an eye.
"No, oh...please no," she cried.
She quickly regained her focus and began to transport Justin. Looking to her left she noticed him begin to materialize, but then he faded away.
"No….no!" she shouted in frustration, hitting the buttons again to try to get him back.
Before the last bit of power drained from the makeshift transporter, she saw his life sign slowly wither away along with her will to keep fighting.
"Justin," she whimpered as her aching cried shook her broken body.
Chakotay fell to his knees upon watching her. Physically broken and moments from death and her heart had completely split in two, her soul had faded away just as those life signs had. She was forever changed at that moment, destined to never fill her heart with love out of fear it would shatter. Determined to never depend upon people, because they can so easily be torn from you at a moments notice. No promise that love will last forever, can ever protect her from the universe's cruel and bitter nature.
Her sobs grew quiet as she drifted out of consciousness. Chakotay let a few more tears slip as he noticed the blood spreading between her legs, knowing then exactly why she never mentioned her child.
His surroundings blew away once more and he found himself in a hospital room. There she was before him, so fragile and pale. She was sleeping while monitors kept track of her every function. He stood back up on shaking legs and slowly walked over to her.
Her eyes began to flutter as she moaned. She slowly opened them and met his sorrowful stare with one of confusion.
"Where am I?" she asked.
"You...you can see me?" he asked in shock.
"Yes, Chakotay. She can see you now," Mara interrupted.
"You're at Starfleet Medical," he said assuming from a glance at his surroundings.
"Where is my father. Admiral Edward Janeway and my fiance Lieutenant Justin Tighe. They were with me on the ship…"
Chakotay remained silent and looked away, holding back tears.
"Look at her Chakotay. She's lost her father and her fiancé and she has no idea. Someone has to tell her."
He refused to look into her eyes, unable to watch her heartbreaking once more.
"No. Look at her," Mara commanded.
He obeyed unwillingly, losing control of his own muscles as they forced his head to face Kathryn and held his eyes open.
"Good. Now... tell her they're dead. Tell her how she failed to save them,"
"No, I can't," he said, fighting back tears.
She laughed.
"You act like you have a choice. You don't"
She snapped her fingers and the words began to fall from his lips without a thought. He looked into Kathryn's teary eyes, his heart crumbling to pieces.
"I'm so sorry. You were the only survivor of the accident. Your father and lieutenant Tighe had passed before anyone arrived at the scene. Attempts to revive them proved unsuccessful," he stated coldly, colder than he would have liked.
Her mouth fell agape and tears fell from her eyes.
She struggled for a few seconds to speak, her lips trembling and her voice raspy.
"My baby?" She croaked.
His heart dropped to his stomach. He looked up at Mara who was wearing a sickening grin. She nodded at him and once again he began to speak. He had no choice.
"You suffered a placental abruption from the trauma. When you were brought here...we couldn't detect a fetal heartbeat. I'm very sorry," he felt the bile rise in his throat.
"No...no please," she sobbed. As she began to take all of the information in, her crying became violent and turned into a need to leave.
Kathryn tried to haul herself over the side of the bed, trying to get up. Alarms began to ring in his ears and a team of nurses rushed in to hold her down and sedate her. She threw her arms around, not caring if she hit anyone. She was fighting them with every ounce of strength she had left. She screamed at the top of her lungs, in a broken voice.
"Let me go! No! I want to die, please just let me die!"
Chakotay's tears were streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to stop watching. He wanted to erase this pain from both of their memories, but all he could do was view it and take it all in.
Eventually, someone retrieved a hypospray and injected her with it. She immediately stopped fighting but he could still hear her sobbing. He could still hear her begging to be let go; begging to die.
Mara had snuck up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Unable to look away from the scene he stared ahead, tears streaming down his cheeks and his heart disintegrating with each passing second.
"This is why she'll never love you, Chakotay," she said, feigning care for him.
Before she walked out of the room she leaned in closer and whispered, "She's too broken to love,"