A cold gust of wind blew through the air, causing Clary to shiver and pull her coat tighter around her body. Her eyes followed CeeCee as the little girl ran around the playground, squealing and laughing with other children. Clary had really not wanted to go to the park on such a blustery day, but she did not stand a chance against CeeCee when she wanted something.
Another chill ran up Clary's spine, but this time it wasn't from the cold. She scanned the park, her eyes falling on a man standing along the perimeter, staring at her with cold, dark eyes. She immediately recognized him as the man she caught staring at her on the subway one night. Was he following her?
"Everything alright?" Jordan asked, walking up behind her. He had stepped away to take a phone call.
Clary turned head toward him. "There's a—" She tapered off as she turned back to where the man had been standing. He was no longer there, and Clary began to wonder if maybe she had just imagined it. "Nevermind," she muttered under her breath. "Who was on the phone?"
"Luke. Jace seems to have a busy day ahead of him, and he might be a little late tonight. Should be home in time for you to go to work, though," he said as he sat down next to her on the bench.
Clary nodded, looking at the few children on the playground. Jace was spending his Saturday volunteering his services at the oncology unit of the children's hospital. Looking at the healthy, energetic children run around the park, she couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like to see those children pale and frail in hospital beds. She remembered how worn and thin her mother had been during illness, and could not fathom what it must be like to watch a child go through that.
"Jesus fuck it's cold out here," Jordan said, breathing air into his hands in an attempt to warm them up. "How did you let her convince us to come out here again?"
"Have you ever seen her pout and give puppy dog eyes?" Clary asked, raising a brow.
Jordan shook his head. "No five-year-old should have that much power."
Clary laughed lightly and glanced at the time on her phone. "We should head back soon anyway. CeeCee has a piano lesson at three."
Clary sat on the couch, a sketchpad resting on her knees as she drew dark, angry lines harshly across it. The clock on the wall read just after eleven. Jace should have been home hours ago, but there wasn't a single sign of him. She had tried calling him, but he didn't answer. She was tempted to call Jordan and ask him if Luke had told him anything, but she didn't want to bother him while he was at home.
The pencil in her hand snapped in half from the pressure she was putting on it, and she threw it on the floor with a huff. Jace being late would not have been that big of a deal had Clary not had to call out of work at Pandemonium. She knew Bat was mad at her for calling out on such short notice, but she didn't have a choice. She couldn't just leave CeeCee alone, especially when she had no idea where Jace was.
CeeCee was another issue with him being late. She had expected her father to be home before she went to bed, but he had never shown. CeeCee had kept asking where her dad was, and she got as close to a tantrum as Clary had ever seen her. It had taken Clary awhile to calm her down and get her into bed and asleep.
The elevator doors dinged, signaling that someone had arrived. Clary threw her sketchbook down on the couch and stood up. She watched as Jace stumbled into the foyer, his arm around Luke's shoulders. Her eyes met Jace's bloodshot ones, and another wave of anger rushed through her. He had the nerve to come back late and drunk.
"Where the hell have you been?" she ground out.
"Clary!" he slurred, voice loud and eyes wide. "I looked for you at Pandemonium, but you weren't there!" He unhooked his arm from Luke's shoulders and stepped toward the living room. "Why weren't you there?"
She shook her head and put her hand up, motioning for him to stop. "Your daughter is asleep just down the hall. We're not discussing this here." She pointed to the stairs. "Your office. Now."
She gauged his reaction carefully. She never would have dared speak to Raphael like that, especially not in a drunken state, but nothing about Jace conveyed anger or violence at the moment. She knew that might change based on the town she was using with him, but with Luke standing a few feet away, she felt safe.
Jace sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said before he went up the stairs anyway. Clary watched him walk, making sure he made it safely and didn't fall over.
"I can stick around and make sure—" Luke started to say, but Clary cut him off.
"Go home, Luke. I can handle him on my own." Luke did not look too convinced so she added, "I have Jordan's number and can call if I need anything."
This seemed to appease him, and he nodded. "Have a good night, Miss Fray." He paused in front of the elevator. "And try to go easy on him, alright?"
"No promises," she said before going up the stairs.
She was honestly a little surprised to find that Jace had actually gone to his office like she instructed. He was sitting his chair, leaning back with his eyes closed. Clary briefly wondered if he had passed out, but he stirred upon hearing her close the door. He opened his eyes and looked at her, a lazy smile appearing on his face.
"You're really beautiful, you know," he murmured.
Clary ignored the fluttering in her stomach that followed his words. It was just the alcohol speaking, which meant he was probably a very affectionate drunk.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" she demanded.
Jace looked taken aback, clearly not expecting that response to his compliment. "What?"
"What the fuck were you thinking?" she repeated. "What made you think you could just run off and get drunk when your daughter was waiting for you to get home? What on earth possessed you to do that?"
Jace seemed to deflate in his chair, casting his eyes downward. "I-I lost patient today," he said with a barely audible whisper.
Clary's eyes widened and her heart constricted slightly. Most of the anger she had been feeling left her body. She had not been prepared for that response. "Oh, Jace," she said gently, moving to stand closer to him. "I'm so sorry."
He shrugged, still looking down. "It happens often in my field, but it just never gets easier. I should no better than to grow attached to patients."
She carefully placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up at her again. His eyes looked clearer, and she wondered if the somber turn the conversation had taken was sobering him up. "You're human, Jace. These things happen. And I'm here for you if you need anything."
Jace picked her hand off his shoulder, placing in on his cheek and holding it there with his hand. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. "I don't deserve you, Clarissa."
His action and statement had her retracting her original thought of him sobering up. With a soft sigh, she removed his hand from her face and stood up. "We should probably get you to bed."
He nodded in agreement, and she helped pull him up out of the chair. Keeping his hand in hers, she walked him down the hall and stopped outside of his door. Jace's room seemed like an off-limits type thing, and she did not want to overstep any boundaries.
"Do you need any help or are you good from here?" she asked.
"I think I'm good," Jace responded.
Clary dropped his hand and went to leave, but Jace caught her arm.
"Wait," he said. "There's something I've been wanting to do."
Clary's brow furrowed as she looked at him, but she didn't get a chance to ask what he meant. Before she could speak, Jace had moved her around so that her back was flush against the wall. With his hands lightly gripping her hips, he dipped his head and attached his lips to hers.
Shocked, Clary froze for a moment before allowing herself to melt into the kiss. Her hands slowly travelled up his arms, pausing over his biceps, before continuing up and landing in his hair. She weaved her fingers through his golden curls, deepening the kiss.
She allowed herself to get lost in the moment, letting herself fully experience everything. Jace's hands left trails of heat as they frantically moved over body, from her hips to her waist to her ass. His lips were soft and plump and tasted like alcohol and spearmint gum. She felt a coiling in her stomach and a wetness pooling between her thighs.
It was only when she felt Jace's own arousal pressing against her that she regained her senses and pulled away. She was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Jace didn't miss a beat after she pulled away, attaching his lips to her neck instead. As he reached that spot right under her ear, she almost forgot why she had pulled away in the first place.
She lightly placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away from her. "We need to stop," she breathed, meeting his gaze. She regretted doing so. His dark, hooded eyes didn't help to lessen the arousal she was feeling, and she found herself tempted to give in to him again.
"I don't see why," he responded, his voice low and husky.
She closed her eyes, not being able to think clearly with the way he was looking at her. "You're drunk and emotionally vulnerable and I'm not taking advantage of you," she rushed out.
"It's not taking advantage if I'm encouraging it," he said, moving to close the distance between them.
She put both hands out in front of her, stopping him. "Jace, please," she whined slightly. "You're not thinking straight."
Besides his current physical state, there was another factor keeping her from wanting resume their previous activity: Aline. She might not have come home with him the night of Clary's encounter with Raphael, but she had definitely still been around. Clary had caught her sneaking out early in the morning before CeeCee was due to be awake one more than once occasion. She didn't want to bring Aline up, though. She didn't want Jace thinking she was jealous, even though she definitely was. She also didn't want to bring her to the front of Jace's thoughts, allowing him to compare Clary to her and ultimately seeing everything that Clary was lacking.
"If it really makes you uncomfortable, we'll stop," he said.
Clary's shoulders sagged in relief. "Thank you," she said. "You really should go to sleep, though."
He nodded again, and Clary offered him a small smile. She bid him goodnight and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before finally walking away, not giving him a chance to try to persuade her again.
The next morning, Clary was up before anybody else. She hadn't slept well at all. She kept replaying her and Jace's kiss her mind. Sometimes, she found herself lost in a feeling of wanting, wondering what would have happened if she had let thing progress. Other times, she worried about what the morning would bring. If Jace remembered the kiss, what would it mean for them moving forward?
She had just finished pouring two cups of coffee when she heard Jace walk down the stairs. He appeared around the corner, dressed in a pair of low hanging gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt. His hair was more of a tousled mess than usual, and dark circles lay beneath his eyes. Clary's gaze stayed on his lips for a few seconds as she remembered how they had felt pressed against her own.
Clearing her throat, she placed one of the cups of coffee on the breakfast bar and pushed it towards Jace. "Thought you might need this," she said, taking a sip of her own drink.
"Thanks," he responded as he took a long drink from the cup.
"How are you doing?"
He shrugged. "Little hung over, but not too bad."
She shook her head, giving him a sympathetic smile. "That's not what I meant."
He set his cup back down on the breakfast bar, gripping it with both hands and looking down. "I'm managing."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, fighting the urge to reach out and touch him. She didn't want to make any moves before she knew where they stood.
"Not really."
"Okay. That's fine." She took a deep breath. "I-Is that going to be a common occurrence?"
He shook his head, still not looking up. "This was the first time. I just… He was a really great kid, you know? And it really took us all by surprise. He seemed to be doing a lot better. Usually we're more prepared when we lose a patient, but this time it came out of nowhere."
Clary remained silent, not knowing what to say. It's not like she really knew what he was going through. Sure, she had lost her mom, but that was definitely something she had seen coming. Her mother had been withering away for weeks before finally taking her last breath. She had been given false hope with her mom getting better only to have her suddenly lose her life one day. Her mother had also been an adult, not a child. She truly had no idea what Jace was going through at the moment, and it was making it difficult for her to know what to say or do.
"I'm really sorry about last night, Clary," he said, breaking the heavy silence and finally looking up. "I honestly do not remember much, but I shouldn't have behaved the way I did."
"Behaved like what?" she asked quietly, wondering if he was regretting the kiss.
"I shouldn't have gone out drinking like that when I had an obligation to be home. It was a very inappropriate thing to do as an employer."
Clary nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. He still hadn't mentioned the kiss, and it was making her nervous. "Jace, what do you remember from last night?"
"Like I said, not much. I remember Luke bringing me home, and then you making me go up to my office so you could yell at me. That's about it. Why? Did I do something embarrassing?"
Clary's chest tightened. He didn't remember the kiss. She knew she should have been relieved. At least it wasn't going to affect whatever relationship they had. But part of her had been hoping that he'd remember and that he didn't regret it. That he had some sort of feelings for her. It was stupid of her to think that, though. She was his daughter's nanny. His employee. He wasn't going to spend his time chasing after a girl like her while girls like Aline were readily available to him.
"No! Of course not. I was just making sure you remembered our conversation, you know?" she said, trying to keep her voice from breaking. All she wanted to do was run to her room and cry. She felt like a stupid, love-struck teenager, and she hated herself for it.
"I really am sorry. I can pay you whatever you would have made at Pandemonium last night."
Clary rolled her eyes. "It was not about the money, Jace. It was about the principle. You had made a promise to be home, and you weren't. CeeCee was asking about you all night."
A frown appeared on his face. "She was?"
"She wanted you to tuck her in and read her a story before she went to sleep. It took forever for me to actually get her down for the night."
He closed his eyes, placing his head in his hands. "I am such a jackass. I was busy getting wasted while my daughter was at home waiting for me. Fuck."
"Yeah. Not going to argue with you there," she said, rinsing out her now empty coffee cup. "Just try to make it up to her today?" She glanced at the clock. "If she's not up within the next half hour, wake her up and take her out today. Just the two of you. She's been on a park kick recently, so maybe start there and then take her to cocoa or something."
He looked up at her and smiled. "That's a really good idea," he said. "God, we don't deserve you."
Clary's heart stuttered at his sentence. It was so close to what he had said to her last night. "It's what I'm here for," she responded, shrugging. "Listen, I'm going to go to Izzy's. Get out of your guys' hair for the day."
Jace cocked his head to the side. "Are you sure? You don't have to do that."
"Izzy and I haven't hung out for awhile, so it's really no problem."
"I'll see you tonight, then?"
"Yeah. See you tonight," she said.
Clary had taken the subway, despite Jace insisting it was really no big deal if she took one of his cars even though she wasn't on the clock. She had declined, telling him she wouldn't feel right about it. She really had just wanted the time to think, though.
She hated how upset she was. She was being ridiculous. Jace had been drunk when he kissed her. He probably hadn't even fully understood who she was in that moment. Thinking he might actually want her had been stupid on her part. He also didn't even remember the kiss, so being upset was pointless.
Now she was sitting on Izzy's couch, her elbows resting on her thighs and her head in her hands. She had told Izzy everything that had happened and was trying to hold the tears back. Crying over a stupid kiss was not something a grown ass woman like her was supposed to do.
"So you didn't even tell him it happened?" Izzy asked, handing Clary a cup of tea.
Clary gave her a thankful smile and shrugged. "Why would I? It will just complicate things."
"But you can't be one hundred percent sure he doesn't want anything if he doesn't even know it happened. They say drunk words are sober thoughts. I don't see why that can't be applied to actions too."
"He's still with Aline, as far as I know. And you've seen her. I can't compete with someone like that."
Her best friend scoffed. "You are just as attractive as Aline, Clary. Stop shitting on yourself."
Clary let out a humorless laugh. "I'm not in the same social circle as her, Iz. I can't offer Jace anything. I'm just a working class, indebted woman without a full college degree. He's not going to pick me over someone like her."
"Hey! What did I just say? Stop shitting on yourself. You're beautiful, smart, and kind. If he can't see that after living with you for a few months, than that's on him. Not you. Just tell him about the kiss."
"What am I supposed to even say? Hey Jace, just so you know, you kissed me last night and I really liked it and would like for it to happen again?"
"I don't see what's so wrong with that."
"What I do if he rejects me?"
"Move on? At least you'll know how he feels."
Clary groaned and threw her head back against the couch. "It will make things so awkward."
"It might. But so what? You'll both get over it."
Clary closed her eyes, sighing. "I don't know if I can do it. I've never been confrontational or the one to take the first step. You know this."
"If you don't do it, I will, Clare."
She sat straight up and stared at her friend. "You wouldn't dare."
Izzy smiled at her, raising an eyebrow. "Do you really want to risk it Clary? I don't want you being all whiny and mopey for no reason. If he does reject, at least you'll have a reason. And I can kick his ass."
Clary let out a laugh. "I'll have to warn him, then."
"So you'll do it?"
Clary sighed but still offered a smile. "Yeah, I guess."
Clary spent the day with Izzy having a girls' day. They ate junk food and watched shitty rom coms, kicking Simon out of the living room and into his and Izzy's room when he came home. She was really glad to have a friend like Izzy. Sure, Simon was also her best friend, but she couldn't really talk to him about things like boys. Especially not when that boy was Jace. Simon had always been overprotective when it came to her, and she had a feeling if anything did end up happening between her and Jace it would take Simon awhile to warm up to the idea.
She finally left Izzy's once it was well past CeeCee's bedtime. She didn't want to have to wait around to talk to Jace. She said goodbye to her best friend, promising to let her know how things went.
When she did get home, the only light came from the television screen in the living room. Jace was sitting on the couch, back in his sweatpants and t-shirt. He moved his eyes away from the screen and looked at her.
"Hey," he greeted.
"Hi," she said back, wrapping her arms around herself. The nerves hit her hard as she realized what she was about to do.
"Did you have a good time with Izzy?"
"Yeah," she said, stepping into the living room. "It was really nice to spend some time with her."
"That's good." He turned his attention back to the screen.
Clary studied him for a moment. His hair looked slightly damp, indicating he recently took a shower. The circles under his eyes were smaller, and she guessed he had taken a nap with CeeCee earlier in the day. His mouth was slightly open, and Clary felt that familiar tingle in her stomach as she thought about their kiss. Her gaze moved down to his hands, one was holding the remote while the other rested in his lap. She thought about the way his touch had felt and all the other places she wanted to feel those hands.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. "Can I, uh, talk to you about something?"
Jace placed the mute button on the remote. "Of course. What about?"
She kept her arms wrapped around herself and looked down at her feet. "I wasn't completely honest with you earlier, when you asked about last night. You didn't do anything embarrassing, but you did, um, kiss me?" She didn't know why, but it came out sounding more like a question than a statement.
She heard him breathe out heavily. "I wasn't completely honest with you, either," he said.
Her head snapped up. That was not what she expected. "Y-You weren't?"
He clasped his hands in front of him, and his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "I lied when I said I didn't remember much. I remember everything, including the kiss."
Clary's stomach dropped and a familiar burning stung the back of her eyes. He remembered. He remembered and he lied about it. That had to mean he regretted it, didn't it? Why else would he act like he didn't know it had had happened. Her mind was racing, and all she could do was force out a pathetic "oh."
She heard Jace curse under his breath. "Please don't take that the wrong way."
"Wrong way?" She blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over.
"You're thinking the worst. I can tell. I pretended like I didn't remember because I- I honestly thought you were upset about it, and I was embarrassed."
"Why did you think I was upset?"
He ran a hand through his hair. "You stopped me."
A short laugh escaped her lips. "Christ, I didn't stop you because I was upset. I stopped you because I didn't want you to be upset. You were drunk and I didn't want you to regret it the morning."
He pushed himself off the couch and stood in front of her, only inches away. "I would never regret it, Clary. I meant what I said last night. I don't deserve you."
"What about Aline?" she asked quietly, avoiding eye contact.
Jace reached out, tucking a finger under her chin and forcing her to look up at him. "Aline and I aren't together, Clary. We've just been passing time. I wouldn't have kissed you, even drunk, if I was in a relationship with someone else."
"Okay," Clary said lamely. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to that. She was also too distracted by the lust swimming in Jace's eyes to full form a sentence.
"So you weren't upset about the kiss?"
Clary shook her head, as much as she could with Jace's hold still on her chin. "Quite the opposite," she whispered.
Jace gave her a smirk, moving so he held her face between his hands. "I am so glad to hear you say that," he murmured.
Clary held her breath in anticipation as he ducked his head, his mouth moving closer to hers. Once their lips touch, she felt warmth spreading in her abdomen. Their lips moved together in a familiar dance, and his tongue gently began to explore her mouth, causing her to hold back a moan.
His hands moved away from her face, trailing down her arms and landing on her hips, squeezing tightly. Boldly, she placed her hands at the top of his sweatpants, moving them slowly under his shirt. She took her time feeling his abs, her fingers running over every rise and fall of his muscles. Continuing to move her hands up, she brought them around to his hard back, pulling him tighter to her.
He responded by taking his hands lower, stopping them right below her ass. He pulled her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling him press into her, just centimeters away from where she wanted him the most. Keeping his hold on her, he moved back until his legs hit the edge of the sofa. He sat down, and Clary moved so that her knees were on either side of his waist. She sat herself down on his lap, letting out a soft moan into his mouth as his arousal hit her in just the right spot. His fingers dug into the flesh of her hips in response.
Her hands continued their exploration under his shirt, and he briefly pulled away, allowing her to pull the material over his head. She only got a small glimpse of his stomach before his mouth was on hers again. His hands moved from her hips and up the sides of her torso. They landed on her breasts, giving a slight squeeze. She bucked her hips on him and internally smiled at the groan that came from his throat.
He removed his lips from her mouth, reattaching them to his neck. She tilted her head to the side, giving him more access. His fingers quickly made work of the buttons on her flannel, and soon her shirt was in a pool on the living room floor. He moved his mouth down her neck, nipping and sucking at her skin. He gently ran his tongue along the edge of her bra, causing her to shiver.
She felt his fingers as they moved up her back and deftly undoing the clasp of her bra. She let the straps fall down her arms before removing it and throwing it to the ground with her shirt. He stared at her breasts for a moment before dropping his head again, taking one of her nipples into his mouth. She bit back a cry of pleasure, suddenly aware of where they were and who might hear.
"CeeCee," she managed to get out.
She had expected for Jace to pull away and stop everything, realizing that he was about fuck his daughter's nanny. Instead, he moved his mouth back up her neck, standing up and forcing Clary to wrap her legs around his waist once again. He continued his assault on her neck as he carried up the stairs and to his bedroom. He placed her in the plushness of his bed, her knees bent over the edge of the mattress.
He placed himself between her thighs, trailing kisses back down her body. He stopped at her breasts, taking the other nipple into his mouth. He bit down gently, and this time she did allow herself to cry out. Jace gave her a devilish grin before continuing his journey downward. He ran his lips along the top of her jeans before undoing the button and pulling them down her legs, running kisses down her legs as he did so. He repeated the action as he removed her panties to.
Jace looked up at her, his eyes a smoldering, molten gold before running his tongue along her most private part. She threw her head back, arching her spine as his mouth worked magic on her sensitive flesh. He wrapped his lips around her little bundle of nerves, gently pushing two fingers into her. Her breathing picked up as he sucked on her clit, his fingers pumping in out of her in a "come hither" motion. She felt a tightening deep in her core and gasped as her orgasm took hold of her, her hands reaching down to grip Jace's curly locks.
He moved back up her body as she came down from her orgasm, her hands still entwined in his hair. She brought his face up to hers, pulling him down to kiss her. She knew his lips were covered in her own cum, but she didn't care. As he kissed her hard and passionately, she reached down, sliding her hand under the waistband of her sweatpants. She wrapped her fingers around his hardness and stroked gently, causing him to buck into her hand.
Bringing her feet up, she used them to push down his pants and underwear without having to break their kiss. Ones all clothes were out of the way, Jace brought his hips against hers, rubbing his length along her slit but not making a move to insert it.
She pulled away from, her breathing labored. "Please," she nearly whined.
"Please what?" he asked before sucking on the skin right behind her ear.
She let out a groan. "Please fuck me," she whimpered as his length his her clit once again.
"Are you sure?" he asked, staring into her eyes.
She nodded, a barely audible yes escaping her lips. He grinned at her, leaning over and opening the bedside drawer. He pulled out a little foil packet and tore it open with his teeth. She watched, fascinated as he sheathed himself before lining himself up with her.
Then, he pushed himself into her, giving her exactly what she wanted.