WARNING; This chapter contains a lot and I mean a LOT of F-bombs because Hiroshi has one heck of a potty mouth (or at least in his head since most of them pops out during his inner monologues).

Enjoy the chapter and please Follow, Favorite and leave a Review or I'll summon the Great Red on yeh! ;)

No seriously; Reviews are the only thing that keeps an Author motivated!
All mindless flames will duly be ignored (like all immature shits (Trolls) of the community should be), but constructive criticism is highly welcomed if it means I could potentially improve the quality of my story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Highschool DxD it belongs to its respective owner.

I only own the SIOC.

Speech: "What"

Thoughts / Inner speech: 'What'

Speech in non-japanese language: "What"

Demonic/Distorted voices: "What"

Tiamat Speech: [COUNTER!]

青竜帝 - SEIRYUUTEI
THE BLUE DRAGON EMPEROR

=CHAPTER 4=

=RED KARMA=

-Kuoh Park-

Right after mom basically scared the literal shit out of me; we grabbed whatever we needed, dressed up (along with fresh underwear) and departed from our house. Though we did make a small detour by the Shidous in the purposes to pick up Irina on the way and ask if she'd liked to come along to the park. At our arrival Irina was the one who responded at the door and like usual she immediately beamed at the first sight of us. At the time Touji seemed to be the only one home besides Irina and according to him he had a pile of important paper work to do (church reports perhaps?), so he couldn't come along with us (better for me then, hah!). So with the permission from her father (the latter seeing her off with a kiss to her temple); we finally made our way towards the Kuoh park.

Mom was wearing a standard-looking, sleeveless white sundress, pair of slippers and a tan sun hat with a rose-looking accessory attached to its band.

And to sum up the looks of the rest of the co; my brother and I were wearing a matching set of wardrobe consisting of (black/white) sneakers, (grey) boxers and a T-shirt, with only our shirts showing the differentiating color code, with mine being dark blue and Ise going with RED.

Speaking of which; lately I've found myself with this really damn odd sense of distaste towards the said color (red)... And by that I don't mean your typical sort of a dislike comparable to kids with their veggies, but more of the kind where I actually feel offended by it... Frankly I have no bloody idea where the hell I even got that from, but nowadays whenever I spot anything red; I always feel this subtle... nudge somewhere at the back of my subconscious to go ballistic at it... Fortunately the impulse of it wasn't too strong so I learned to ignore it soon enough, so nowadays I merely shrug it off as some kind of weird-ass quirk that somehow developed in my new body as I grew.

Now then back to track; as for Irina... Just like how the anime had portrayed her in Issei's childhood; acts and looks like a tomboy, something that apparently remained unchanged even with my existence here, wearing a slightly baggy (Black and grey) basketball shirt with equally baggy (tan) shorts that reached just beneath her knees.

And now here we are; our mother (Haruna) got comfortable on one of the wooden (two-person) seats adjacent to a streetlight post just a small distance away from us, where she got a clear eyesight on us. Right now while we, the children were doing our own thing; mom kept herself entertained with a light novel (she took with her before our departure from home), but she always made sure to give us an occasional glance to make sure everything was alright at our end. Meanwhile me, my brother and our childhood friend Irina were now standing in a circle in the middle of the park (beside the certain water fountain), pondering what to do now that we got here.

Though every time we visit the Kuoh park I always get this sense of dread whenever I my eyes land on this particular fountain, knowing full well Issei was fated (in canon) to die right at this spot at the hands of Raynare... I shook my head at this as I figured I still got plenty of time to figure out how to deal with that event...

"So what should we play?" Issei asked as he eyed between me and Irina.

Those who once knew me may heavily wonder; why exactly do I bother playing with these two, despite me being an adult in soul ALONG with the fact I had this heavy dislike towards children in my past life?

Few reasons really, though I suppose one is simply due to boredom... As I literally had nothing else to do the way I am now!

One: Video games were out, since (by not including our old dusty computer) Hyoudous don't exactly own any gaming platforms. (And the last I checked; it seems some kind of Gameboy-like device had gotten into development only till recently)

Two: I only recently started to re-learn how to read, so novels were also out.

Three: I don't feel like lazying around (aka taking a nap), considering how this toddler body was practically bursting with energy.

However ignoring all what I just mentioned; to tell the truth, there actually IS something a bit more ambitious in mind by letting myself go along with this little charade of mine in playing the guise of an innocent child (well as innocent as a foul-mouthed kid can be...). To put it in simple gaming terms; I'm basically raising my reputation bar with both Issei and Irina!

I've read my fair share of Self-Insert (aka SI-OC) stories where the SI wishes to keep all of the main characters at the arm's length and not get involved until (cue finger quote) the time is right just so that they don't potentially screw over the canon timeline. However I am different and will do the exact opposite, especially since creating bonds early on would be highly beneficial for me in the long run.

Not that I have the leniency to avoid screwing up the canon anyway... That option was practically thrown out the window the second I got born as the TWIN of the Sekiryuutei himself...

And as far as I am considered, I only have two choices to proceed with;

Act upon my inner age and ignore others so I can be alone, resulting me walking the road of a loner (again) and risk both Irina and Issei branding me as some introverted asshole.

OR I can just sacrifice my inner dignity by actually socializing with the kids of my (physical) age range and achieve a potential love interest (raising the Osananajimi(1) flag) in Irina while also becoming a more dependable brother figure for Issei.

I believe it is rather unnecessary for me to even mention just which of the two sounds more tempting option to go with here...

Also on an offhanded remark; I would be lying if I ever said I've never had one of those nostalgic "If only to be a child again" moments.

Ise's voice however brought me out of my little inner monologue.

"Onigokko(Tag(2))? Hide-N-Seek? Or— Oh! Oh! I know! How about catch the predator(3)!" Issei loudly exclaimed with an excited expression.

Issei's last words however caused me to sputter wildly as I ended up choking on my own saliva. It took a moment (few minutes or so), but once I finally got my bearings I turned to my brother with a understandably incredulous look. "Ca-catch the what!?"

I hope I heard wrong!

Issei and Irina only stared at me in confusion at my reaction, though the latter showed confusion both at the terming Issei used along with my outburst. "Catch the predator? You know the thingy that has two teams with good guys chasing baddies? The one similar to Onigokko?" Issei explained (or at least tried to) with furrowed brows.

I blinked before narrowing my eyes in thought as my brain racked about and tried to come up with a child's game that had such characteristics.

"I thought that one was called Cops And Robbers?" Irina casually commented from the sidelines.

How in the flying fuck does one mistake "Catch The Predator" with "Cops And Robbers"!?

Child's mind is amazing in its own bizarre ways...

"Oh!" Issei dropped a fist into his open palm. "So that's what is was called! No wonder Papa looked me oddly after I asked him to play that with me, especially if I spelled the game wrong." He exclaimed in a very convinced tone.

I felt like crying. "You... You asked our dad to play... Catch the predator with you...?"

Issei nodded firmly as he closed his eyes and crossed his arms. "Umu, though when I did he looked very co- conas- cortasti- conostabi- Uhmmm~" His eyes scrunched up adorably in concentration.

"Constipated?" I tiredly offered.

He beamed at me. "Yeah that one! He looked reaaaally consitipabed-" Close enough I suppose. "- when I asked him that!" He finished with a grin.

I facepalmed with a sigh.

ANY sane adult would get the same reaction if a toddler suddenly walks by and asks anything of sort out of blue!

I made some nervous glances around us to check the surroundings, but I sighed in relief when I noticed that the park was pretty much barren of people sans our mother back at the bench some distance away. And fortunately she was distracted enough by the literature in her hands to not take a notice of Issei's outrageous exclaim.

"Though then papa suddenly became mad and started to scold me and told me to never say that word again..." My twin explained with a pout.

I turned to my brother. "Ise... For everything that's holy... Trust our dad's judgement on this and never and I mean NEVER say that term in public."

"Eh? Why?" From the way he stared at me, Issei looked like a confused squirrel if anything.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "JUST trust me and dad on this okay...?" I told him in tone of finality.

Issei blinked before he bopped his head with a grin. "I don't really get it, but okay!"

I sighed in relief. If there's one thing I'm really fond about my brother would definitely be his honest demeanor and the fact that he actually listens what others say.

Though unfortunately that former-mentioned trait of his will be one helluva pain in the ass for me to deal with later IF I let him meet that damn old creep who turns my brother into this Oppai-Looney in the first place... Now that's a tough decision; either ruin canon further (And possibly FUBAR everything) or be blessed with a brother who actually acts like a NORMAL person!

GAAH! I want the latter to happen so bad~! But with the God gone, how am I supposed to pray for that!?

(And I sure as hell won't be praying for Michael, that's for sure!)

Siiigh~ I suppose that's just another thing for me to put into back burner for later date. Now I should focus back at the two toddlers in front of me, who has been staring at me for a while now while I was swimming in my thoughts again.

I cleared my throat. "Anyhow, name of the game aside; sorry to burst your bubble but—"

"What bubble?" Issei blurted out, cutting me off mid-sentence.

"It's an expression Issei." My brother only kept his confused stare locked on me. I groaned. "Basically me being a party pooper."

"Oh." Was Issei's response, before he pouted. Seemingly finally realizing where I'm heading at. "Oooh..."

"Yup!" I popped the P. "Anyway what I tried to say is that we would need at least one more person to even play it. It's not really fun game with uneven teams after all, especially with only three of us."

Irina nodded in agreement at my explanation. "Hiro got a point."

Issei just continued to pout. "Boo~ I really wanted to try that one!" He grumbled out loud, while kicking a random pebble that happened to be by his feet.

I walked over and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry there's plenty of changes to do that in the future, I'm sure." I told him with a lopsided grin and fortunately Issei responded with a bashful smile of his own, trusting my words.

With one more pat, I removed the said limb from Ise's shoulder, before my eyes roamed towards Irina or more specifically at the item she had been carrying over her shoulder this whole time. "So~ I see you brought a ball with you Iri?" I asked this with a raised brow as I eyed the small orange-colored individual ball bag Irina had on her. Though I honestly don't know why it took ME to point out she even had that with her...

Irina beamed. "Hai!" She then slung the said bag off her shoulder and proceeded to loosen the ties around its orifice. "I thought we could something different today so~" She dug out the ball and raised it over her head with her right arm. "Ta-daa~! A Sucker ball!" She exclaimed in an act of theatrics.

I snorted in amusement at Irina's mispronounce for soccer ball. "It's soccer ball, Iri. Soccer ball."

Irina blinked in confusion, before she tilted her head cutely. "That's what I said? Su-cker ball."

I sighed. "You pronounce it wrong Iri." I just knew this is going to take a while considering how the two were practically pronounced in an exact same manner.

-One brief grammar lesson later-

"Neeerd!" Both Issei and Irina quipped at me.

I blinked.

Did these two just pull a TeamFourStar(4) on me?

After a moment, once I got the surprise out of my system; I scoffed at them. "I prefer the term 'Well educated'."

Irina shrugged. "Meh, that's only a generous word for a nerd!"

I deadpanned. "Do you know what generous even means?" I couldn't help retorting.

"Of course I do!" She argued back.

I crossed my arms and stared her down with a challenging eyebrow raised.

"Do so~!" She whined, but I just kept staring her with the eyes of a dead fish (a neat skill I learned some weeks ago), causing her to fidget in place in clear discomfort.

Just as I anticipated it didn't take even two minutes before she begun to break. "Fine! Fine already~! I don't know! So please stop the stare~!" She comically cried out.

Heh, works every time~!

I nodded in satisfaction and walked up to her. "There, there~ it's always better to be honest." I remarked in a sagely manner, before placing my hand over her head to ruffle her hair affectionately.

"I do know it's a big word though..." Irina mumbled with a big pout and slight blush.

"I'm sure you do~" This time the tone of my voice turned into that of a pampering adult, making her pout to become even more prominent.

"Mumumuu~~" Daww, despite her tomboy-ish outlook; she looked like an adorable little squirrel whenever she gives me that pout of hers~.

Although despite not knowing the exact meaning of the word itself, she DID use it in a correct context just now. But no need to tell her that lest she gets a big head~.

Okay I lied; Call me petty, but I am NOT getting one-upped by a four year old!

(Fun fact though; my name "Hiroshi" literally means "generous child" apparently. Just like how Issei's means "Honesty".)

"Oh well, our clear gap in intelligence aside—"

"HEY!?" The two interjected heatedly, which made my lips quirk upwards in amusement. They just inadvertently admitted that THEY were the inferior ones, considering I didn't exactly specify which end of the said gap they belonged in.

"That aside, what's with the sudden interest in soccer, Iri?" I asked her, honestly curious.

Irina merely shrugged in nonchalance. "Dunno, I saw it in TV and thought it looked interesting."

Issei turned to Irina with tilted head. "Isn't that thing just a bunch of actors where both teams race to burden the opposite team with a pile of penalty flags?" Aaand how in the fuck would a toddler know that?

I gave Issei a perplexed look.

"What?"

I stared at him inquisitively. "How... do you even know that?" This time making my inner question audible.

This time it was Issei's turn to shrug. "Papa always screams at the TV when a game is up."

"Oh yeah..." That was a thing, now that he mentioned it... Although that part had been toned down considerably after father finally got a hint that his outbursts in the middle of a night tend to be often rewarded with a freaking frying pan in the skull by the courtesy of our mother... The fact I'm actually musing over how mom beats dad up with a freaking frying pan so casually as if I was talking about a weather tells me just how much my logical mindset had been fucked over in my new reality that is the world of DxD...

I felt myself sigh for the umpteenth time today.

I then looked down at the round item held between Irina's hands with a grimace and a hint of distaste. I've never been that particularly good at sports that has anything to do with ball related items (or hockey puck). If only due to the fact that I have this baffling trait where I get my aim wrong EVERY. DAMN. TIME! Basically I either miss the ball entirely and land on my ass for my efforts (which is like the half of the time!) or I get the kick in, but the ball's trajectory goes off by miles from my intended target...

Without sugarcoating it; I fucking suck at ball games! There's no constructive criticism around it!

Irina seemed to notice my inner conflict (if my constipated frown was anything to go by), considering the way she's grinning like a cheshire cat. "Weeell~, since Hiro looks so eager~; lets let him have the first shot with the ball." She excitingly declared before she tossed the ball at me, which I caught by reflex.

I looked down at the ball and felt one of my brows twitching in agitation.

That little rascal, I should've known she would come up with a comeback from before...

I taught her well...

I consented with a deep groan. "fiiine..." I drawled the word out, before I put the soccer ball down on the ground before me and placed my foot on top of it to keep it in place (it was pretty breezy outside today, nice combination with the Japan's summer air.). I turned to meet Irina's violet orbs. "Soooo~ how should we proceed with this? Pass the ball between us at random? Or perhaps practice a spot-kick with one of us taking the role of a goalie?"

It seems the latter option made Irina beam at me. "Can I be the goalie!?" She asked in an excited tone.

Irina's bright smile was practically contagious as I couldn't help returning a smile of my own towards her. "Sure, I'm okay with it. How about you Issei?"

"No probs~!" He called out with a thumbs up.

"Then it's settled." I nodded to them before taking a look around us. "What should we do for the goal, though?" I asked the two, which made them mimic me by inspecting their surroundings.

Ise was the first to call out. "Uhm, how about that big bush over there?" Issei called out pointing at the said bush adjacent to one of the park's trees.

Few minutes later with the goal set up; I positioned myself about 8 meters away from the said goal and placed the soccer ball by my feet before taking a few steps away from the round object to gain some distance. "Okay..." I took a deep breath.

It's just a soccer ball and I'm in the body of a child so messing up is perfectly okay! "Here it comes!" I shouted, dashing forward and duly proceeded to kick the ball (hopefully) aiming at the goal.

*Thud!*

My sole made a contact with the round object... Wait what!? Heh-hey! I've actually managed to hit the damn thing!

Am I cure—

*SMACK!* "GYAFU!?"

Oh God...

The ball somehow freaking curve balled mid-flight in an impossible curve and flew straight at my twin's face, causing the latter's eyes to bulge out comically from shock (both the actual impact and surprise), before he landed spectacularly on his face with his rear sticking up...

Everything was silent for moment before I finally got my shit together.

"Oh Fu—! Ise!?" I refrained myself from cussing before I rushed at my little brother's side, along with Irina who also ran over to see if Ise was okay. I turned him around so he was laying on his back and cradled his head. "You okay bro!?" I asked while raising 3 fingers before his eyes. "How many fingers?"

"Hueeh~? T-twelve-ish?" My brother slurred, dazed.

...

"Yeah he's alright." I convincingly stated to myself, before I took Issei by the shoulders and started to heave him up from the ground, albeit carefully.

I know my brother enough that if he truly was hurt; he would cry, loudly if I may add. Fortunately Issei is one tenacious son of a bitch. Trait of a pervert (or future one in this case) I suppose...

Aw hell! I just realized calling my twin brother a SOB would technically make me one as well! Not to mention if I do that I would inadvertently insult our mother by extension and I love her way too much to even consider referring her as a bitch in ANY shape or form... Please forgive your foolish son mom~!

(As I made that statement in my head; I could've swore I heard a sneeze coming from mom's direction in the distance... The damn anime logic...)

"Auh~ I think I'm seeing the light~" Ise moaned out in dazed tone, which made me roll my eyes at his fit of dramatics.

"Oh go towards it~! I heard there's lots of happy things like puppies, kittens and lots of goldfish beyond it!" Came the sudden remark from the only girl of our group (which Issei still remained oblivious about btw...), which immediately caused me to deadpan at her.

Did this airhead just basically tell my brother to die?

"It's the complete opposite Iri... You're NOT supposed to go towards it!" I reprimanded her with a roll of my eyes.

Seriously what the hell (or heaven) were her religious parents teaching this girl!?

Irina looked like a kicked puppy... "Bu-but the puppies and goldfish~!" Why is she whining about that!?

I groaned. "There's none of that out there Iri!" I cried out in exasperation, throwing my arms up for better measure.

*Thud!* "Ow..." Theeen I realized Issei was only half-way up, so I ended up dropping him in the process when I took my hands off him...

"Ah crap sorry brother!" I apologized and hoisted him up the second time, this time not letting go in mid-lift. Once Issei was secure as I held him by a shoulder (this time for certain); I turned my attention back to Irina. "In Heaven Irina, there's just this boring old fart (aka God) sitting on his royal ars—Err, bottom, reading a bible to you over and over for the rest of the eternity!" I dramatically declared to her and if this was your typical anime I would likely have this thunder strike effect appear in the background behind me for additional effect.

The little girl's expression was absolutely priceless, looking just as if I've just told her that her whole life had been a lie till this point. Irina then suddenly dropped down to her hands and knees. "Just what have I been living for till now...?" She lamented to herself with a rain cloud hoovering over her head.

My lips quirked upwards in not-so hidden amusement at her antics.

Should I feel bad for openly mocking God right in front of Irina, the highly religious daughter of a (possibly) renown Exorcist AND Michael's future Ace?

Meh! Fuck those guys!

Sans Irina, I seriously don't to give a flying feather of a fuck (pun totally intended) for anyone else within the angel faction (former members like Asia and Xenovia doesn't count).

Gabriel is still up to debate considering I know next to nothing about her other than the fact that she's considered the most beautiful woman alive, but that's not really much to base my opinion on her.

With a slight chuckle at Irina's antics, I turned back to Ise with irritated frown. "Also, the light you're staring at is the effing SUN! Stop being dramatic, lil-bro." I reprimanded him and gently smacked the back of his head. Ignoring his moans of protests, I once more faced Irina and blinked due to how she had at some point leapt off the ground and was now once again standing on her feet as if I didn't crush her beliefs one minute prior... Bipolar?

I shook my head before giving the girl an odd look. "Also why Goldfish?" I curiously asked.

Irina gave me a nonchalant shrug from her position. The girl seemed to shrug at anything you ask... "They're cute..."

Heeh, never knew Irina liked goldfish. You learn something new every day it seems.

Maybe I should consider buying her a goldfish for her birthday? I mean that can be easily arranged for how bloody cheap those little pisces are!

Oh well.

"You feel okay now Ise?" I asked my brother.

"Peachy..." He groaned out.

I again begun to wonder how does a toddler even know such terming, before I shrugged it off as a fucking anime logic and let go of him allowing Issei to stand on his own.

I turned to Irina. "You caught the ball Iri?" I asked the girl, who blinked at me owlishly at my inquiry.

"I kind of got distracted..." Irina admitted as she rubbed the back of her head in a sheepish manner.

"Err, found it..." Issei suddenly blurted out, causing me and the chestnut haired tomboy to turn towards him expectantly.

He rose a hand and pointed at something (likely the ball) behind us, we followed the said digit and saw him pointing at our makeshift bush goal... Or more specifically at the certain ball laying right by the roots of the said "goal"...

I turned to look at Irina before giving her devilish grin. "Sooo~ does that count as a goal?"

I say it again, Irina's flabbergasted expressions are freaking priceless~!

-Some time later-

We kept playing with the ball for an unknown amount of time, each of us alternating between kickers, goalies and whatnot. All in all having a good time.

Issei perhaps not so much if only due to the sheer reason how half of my shots somehow always ending up in his face... The bruises around his face speaks for themselves...

Mom's light novel must be pretty damn good for how she has yet to even intervene, despite me gradually turning my brother's face black and blue here... For curiosity's sake I looked at mom's way over my shoulder and true enough to my hunch; her eyes were practically glued to the literature before her, wearing a small grin along with a... was she blushing?

I felt something die inside me as I stared my mom's direction with driest look I could muster. I know that expression from seeing it plenty of time in all the anime I've watched... The one I've dubbed as the Pervy-Face...

My mom's reading smut... in public no less...

I felt my gaze slowly shift over towards my brother.

Huh... I suppose there was a tree where that apple had fallen off from...

I shook my head at this revelation, while pinching the bridge of my nose out of exasperation.

"Well, well~! Look what we got here!"

My eyes immediately begun to twitch when I heard that high-pitched pompous voice coming out of nowhere...

I knew that tone all too well...

My group of three turned around in unison to look behind us and lo-and-behold!

Pre-teen Bullies...

Oh, Yippie-Kai-Fucking-Yay!

If you were wondering my non-existent audience; yes, I AM being sarcastic.

There were three of them and judging by their age, each seemed old enough to be second graders at least.

The brat in the middle had a punkish look with short but spiky wine RED hair, onyx eyes, while wearing a bright RED hoodie with denim jeans.

The brat on the right was a scraggly and pale emo-looking megane (Four-Eyes) with shoulder length messy dark hair, green eyes, black polo shirt and grey shorts.

And the last brat on the left was some fat kid with beady black eyes wearing this goofy expression as if he was high on something constantly... He wore a green T-shirt and baggy black shorts and had no hair...

...

I deadpanned... Really?

I only now realized just how fucking cliche this goon squad was...

A punk for a leader (likely with balanced skill set) flanked by goons consisting of a single lanky dude (the brains) and that one fat imbecile (the brawn)...

Alrighty then, for convenience sake lets dub these three dimwits, shall we.

Red Bastard (The RED Punk)

Emo Megane (Tis' self-explanatory)

Diddle-Doo (The Bald Fatass)

"Hey! Give us our ball back!" Irina's defiant barks brought me out of my thoughts as I looked over and noticed that the Red Bastard was holding Irina's soccer ball on his palm and kept the said object just beyond her reach in the obvious attempts to get a rile out of her.

"Ah-ah-aah~" Red Bastard tutted. "I don't think so! You see our own ball has been in a rather bad shape as of late, so we would really appreciate if you'd let us have it?" The politeness in his tone was so fake it would make a viper seem non-venomous in comparison. "I'm sure you three would understand if we— What are you doing?" Red Bastard suddenly inquired in confusion.

Everyone turned to look at me as I had stepped forward at some point without anyone noticing and casually stuck my right hand out (palm up) at the bully (who stared at the said limb in utter confusion), while my other hand was resting on my hip. "You'll have to pay for that then." I told him as I tapped the ground with the sole of my feet expectantly.

I might be playing cool, but inside I was a bit nervous since I knew kids can be particularly nasty if given change...

It seems that my words took everyone around me off guard. "Huh!?" The bully trio blurted out in incredulity.

"Brat... Who do you think you are!?" Emo Megane screamed in outrage.

"Just a good hearted Samaritan trying to prevent an attempt of thievery by a bunch of goons." I dryly stated, and to my satisfaction I was rewarded with irked looks from the older trio.

Red Bastard growled. "And who exactly would stop us? Huuuh?" Really n***a? You're pulling a yankee dialect now?

"Well if you know what's good for you; you WILL give the ball back." I remarked to him, not backing down.

Red Bastard's eyes narrowed down at me. "Was that a threat, runt?"

"Now, now. No need to get your panties in a bunch. I'm merely giving you a choice to the betterment of your future here." I coolly said while making an appeasing gesture with my hands.

"Huh?" He blinked, obviously more confused.

"Weeell have you stolen anything before?"

"Err no I— I-I mean o-of course I have! I'm a badass after all!" He actually boasted and stuck his chest out like a flamboyant peacock...

More like a Bad-asshat if you ask me.

"Derr, no you haven't?" Diddle-Doo the fatass pointed out. Oh look that Hippo can talk! No I take it back as that would be an insult towards the endangered species everywhere.

Red Bastard growled at the fatty. "Shut it fatso!"

"Hurr-durr..." Diddle-Doo pouted sadly.

My eye twitched. Why does this dude keep talking like a more retarded version of Hodor (Game Of Thrones)...?

"Anyhow~ if I'm to trust the words of the Dumb-'N-Dumber over here." (That earned a few snickers around me) I pointed at the fat kid. "Then I'd suggest you to keep it that way. Start robbing now then you surely form some form of addiction to it and years later; you're some kleptomaniac hobo living under a bridge or something." I explained to him in a manner of fact kind of a tone.

"What's a kleptomaniac?" Issei asked curiously from behind me.

I shrugged, but answered nonetheless. "Basically some asshole who just can't stop stealing stuff."

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE gasped from my sudden cussing.

Diddle-Doo stared at me as if I killed a puppy as he raised a shaking finger at me. "Hurr, you said a bad word!"

I deadpanned up at him. "Do I look like I give a shit?"

Cue second chorus of gasps, making me roll my eyes. Children...

W-wait did Irina just pass out in Issei's arms!?

"Hi-Hideo t-this kid means business!" Emo Megane pointed out.

How dramatic were these kids?

Red Bastard looked flustered for some reason. "S-shut up I can totally do that too, sh... shiiii... Doodey..."

Everyone deadpanned at him now...

I couldn't help giving him the most sarcastic claps I've ever done. "You truly are an inspiration to all the thugs across the country." I said this entirely in a dead monotone.

The Red Bastard actually had the nerve to grin proudly... "I know right!"

I stared at him with the eyes of a dead fish, before I turned towards my brother and Irina. Once I met their (equally dry) eyes, I made a gesture towards the head bully, while giving them the clear look of "Is this guy for fucking real" in which they responded with helpless shrugs.

I sighed, I already felt my anger for this dude diminish completely only to be replaced with sheer pity. "Just give us the ball or we have to call for our parent's assistance." I told him while I thumbed at mom's direction over my shoulder, clearly giving up with my attempts to get these brats back off without the assistance of an adult.

They turned their sights towards where I was pointing. However instead of backing off from realizing that we got an adult along...

"Holy— Check out the utters of that lady! A total Milf~!" Emo Megane exclaimed loudly.

Instead... These... Little... Fuckers...

"Pwetty~" Diddle-doo blurted.

Dares... To...

"Yeah! Man, I would totally motorboat those melons!" The Bastard remarked.

*TICK!* (Sound of a red vein popping on my temple)

That's it...

I may have sworn to myself never to fall so low to hit a kid, but once these rot-nosed, wastes of space begun to ogle MY mother with such eyes... That's where they crossed the line...

I suppose it's enough of a notice that these brats were technically older than me so~~

"DORYAAAAH!" *CRACK!*

BEATING THESE LITTLE SHITS UP SHOULD BE COMPLETELY OKAY THEN, RIGHT!?

As the knuckles of my right fist made contact with the smug Bastard's underdeveloped nuts; I could practically hear the song of Ave Maria being played in the background as the Red Bastard's body hunched over a full 90 degrees, eyes turning into the size of dinner plates, while his jaw opened in silent scream.

"H-Hideo!?" Both Diddle-Doo and Emo Megane yelped out in alarm from witnessing their "Valiant leader" brought down his knees by someone half his age, before the remaining bullies rushed to their leader's side...

Me?

"LEMME AT EM! LEMME AT EM!" My vision was covered in RED as I screamed and kicked while yelling all kinds of random profanities. (Some of them made Irina, who regained her consciousness by now, blush heatedly and looked like she was on the verge of fainting the second time)

"C-calm down Hiro/Nii-san!" Right now the only thing keeping me at bay were Irina and Issei (intently struggling to do so however) each of them having a solid grip on one of my arms as I struggled against them to cut me loose to get another piece at the asswipes in front of me.

"What on the Earth is going on here!?" While the filthy runt groveled by my feet; It seems our little scuffle here had finally sparked our mother's attention if the way she came in rushing with scandalized expression was anything to go by.

I made an immediate 180 and gave my mother a bright smile that didn't really meet my (mad) eyes. "It's alright mom! I'm just helping the world by preventing a parasite from spreading by going after its reproductive organs!"

Mother's jaw duly proceeded to drop from utter incredulity. "E-excuse me?"

"I aimed at his nest bags of infestation!"

"You're not making any sense!" Mom cried exasperatedly.

"Nii-san punched him in the... jewels, mama..." Issei confessed uncomfortably. Damn it Issei and your traitorous honesty!

Mom narrowed her eyes at me in a disappointed manner. "Is this true Hiroshi? You know what I've told you about violence!" She scolded me, but I wasn't having it.

"But mom I was defending your honor!" I loudly exclaimed.

She blinked. "Huh? My honor?"

Cue the crocodile tears. "*sniff* H-he called y-you a-a Redlight district h-hooker and—"

"WHAT!?" Everyone screamed in incredulity and in mom's case, outrage.

"A-AND he told us that we were nothing but mere accidental byproducts s-so I- *hic* *Sniff!*" I told her as I cried into the crook of my arm, only to hide my face from her as I raised the limb covering my face enough so I could make a discreet eye contact with the bully still laying on the ground and duly proceeded to smile at him in the most menacing way possible.

The bully's eyes widened into dinner plates. "Y-you l-little—" His words were barely even heard, considering how he was still on the ground while holding his family gems. Though his voice has gotten considerably deeper than last time. Heh I didn't know punching pre-teens in the balls would give them a head-start in puberty!

What a scientific breakthrough!

By now mom's eyes were shadowed by her bangs, her body once more surrounded by the familiar dark miasma as her body shook from barely controlled rage. "I-is this true Issei, Irina?"

"Eh?" The two blurted out in sync, and hesitantly glanced towards me, looking for an answer.

While mom's attention was away from me, I grinned and winked at them in a discreet message to play along.

Irina and Issei glanced at each other and with subtle nods—

The two began to cry in a hysterical manner. "Yes! T-they said that with other horrible things~! They insulted my parents, my hair and—" Whoa, Irina is sure letting loose there huh...

As I listened to Irina's tirades I couldn't help but wonder; the fuck does a bible beating border bunny even mean?

-One fake confessions later-

Once Irina and Issei were finally done with their outcries; Mom was now seen with a smile that was basically something straight out of our worst nightmares.

"Really now? Then I believe someone needs to teach these children some... humility~" She said this while giving the bully trio the evil eye, despite still wearing this serene smile of hers...

"Eep!" The bully trio winced audibly in response, before they started hug each other in fear.

And the next thing we knew; Mom grabbed Red Bastard, Diddle-Doo and Emo Megane by the scruffs of their shirts and dragged them away from us for this lesson of humility of hers.

"M-ma'am! You gotta believe us y-your kid is lyin—!"

"MY BABY BOY IS NOT A LIAR!"

"Hieeeeeeh~~!" Aaah the cries of filthy infidels are just music to my ears~

Kukuku~!

"H-Hiro? Y-you're scaring us..." Irina commented from the side with a disturbed look.

"Umu..." Issei nodded, also having a nervous expression while using the girl as a cover...

Wups, I just let my inner demon out for a second there!

I consider myself fairly rational and calm person, who is very hard to anger, but when someone finally gets to strike the cord with me; I snap... And I mean I fucking SNAP!

With a deep breath I composed myself and turned back to the two. "Yosh, I'm cool now." I said this while looking at the ball that had rolled by my feet when the bully dropped it. "Soooo now that we got the ball back; continue? I can be the first kicker if ye guys wish?"

Issei winced immediately at my suggestion by a reflex and made sure to take a good few steps away from me. "Uhh, Nii-san I don't think that's a good—"

"Bring it ooon~~!" Irina bellowed in funny fake-macho tone from her spot in front of our makeshift goal.

"EH!? Since when—!?" Issei questioned loudly, completely perplexed.

"Fire in the hole~!" I stated as I prepared my shot at the ball.

"Wai-wha-!? Yaba(5)—! Daaaash!" In the corner of my eye I saw Issei scuttling away from the spot he had just been standing on and repositioned himself somewhere behind me.

*Thud!* My sole made contact with the round object. This time it will be perf—

*SMACK!* "GUHAFU!?" NO VOI NYT PERKELE!(6) I craned my neck to look over my shoulders. My eyebrows begun to twitch heavily in clear annoyance once I saw that Ise's head was tilted backwards (eyes comically white) AND that there was visible STEAM pouring out of his bruised forehead as a clear indicator just where exactly the ball had landed!

Bu- But how!? He stood behind me this time for Christ's sake! Is it just me or did the laws of anime logic somehow mutate my utter lack of talent in ball-games into something completely ludicrous!?

Issei slowly fell backwards and hit the ground with a soft thud... "Whyyy~?" He whimpered...

Still. Not crying so gotta hand him the props for it, seriously.

I grunted loudly, which increased in volume once I heard Irina laughing her ass off by the bushy goal. "Hahahaha~ Hi-Hiro, y-you are just so baaad~ Hahaha~!"

I felt my face burn, feeling utterly humiliated. "I... L-lets just fetch the ball and call it a day..."

But as I was about to go after the ball; Irina decided to beat me to it. Still laughing... "Haha~! I-*hic* I'll go get it, you check on Issei!" She told me before she went after the ball not waiting for my response. I apparently managed to ricochet the ball off of Ise's face with enough force that the ball itself had managed to cover quite a distance away from us and is still bouncing about...

With a sigh I turned around and begun to walk towards my brother to check on him (again), but in mid-way; as I took one more glance towards Irina's direction... I froze and my eyes widened...

That idiot! She's running towards—!

"WAIT! Hold on Irina! That's—" She was chasing after the ball that was bouncing straight towards the traffic road that is right adjacent to the entrance of this park!

"No worries I got it!" Irina called back, completely ignorant of the clear warning in my tone.

"That's not what I— Oh God dammit all!" I turned away from Issei to rush after her in haste.

"Nii-san!?" I ignored Issei's surprised cries behind me and resumed my chase after the girl.

Kuoh is relatively small town that mainly consists of suburban residential areas (the area around this park being no exception), in such regions there tend to be a lot of these one-lane sized roads (which are pretty much typical in Japanese neighborhoods), where traffic is allowed for pedestrians, bikers and cars alike. The funny thing with these roads is that in most of them; vehicles can go both ways despite being a single lane wide...

"Irina! Wait, stop!"

There may not be all that much vehicle traffic seen in the middle of the day (especially during summer) in these roads, but there still is the risk for—

*Hrruuuuum~~!*

My heart went cold the second I heard the tell tales of a car engine's roars in the distance.

Oh fuck, oh no, oh fucking shit!

Please God don't let that vehicle be traveling this exact lane!

*HrrrruuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUM~~!*

It's getting closer!?

Fuck you God—! Oh right he's dead... Well fuck you Michael and your stupid sad face!

Huh... That actually felt surprisingly refreshing—

*HrrrruuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUM~~!*

Not the time Hiroshi!

With that thought I pushed my little feet harder than I've ever had in the best attempts to close the distance with Irina before anything can happen.

After this I'm going to have a looong, meaningful talk with Irina about how tunnel visioning at shit is NOT the way to go!

"Haha~~! I've got it!" Irina called out in victory for finally catching the damn thing... Right in the middle of the God fucking damn road!?

"Irina get out of the road!" I screamed at her, despite being nearly out of breath.

"I'm coming, I'm coming geez~ No need to yell." I'm worrying my ass off and she dares to roll her eyes at me!?

I've nearly reached the exit of the park and fortunately Irina had finally started to walk to my direction—

*HOOOORN!*

The sound of a car's horn made my breath hitch in my throat and this time it felt as if my heart dropped straight down the gullet, before I snapped my neck over to my right to see—

A roofless RED painted sports car driving towards us at the speeds which should by all means be illegal around these corners of the town!

A FUCKING speed driver!? Just my FUCKING luck!

And it's coming in FAST!

"IRINA! MOVE YOUR—" As I moved to order the girl to get the hell out of the way, my eyes widened when I noticed that the poor girl had frozen in place and had this deer caught in the headlights kind of an expression. I dared to spare one last look towards the incoming vehicle and to my horror... It wasn't slowing down... And at the speed it was coming... Irina won't make it...

{AN - Play song: You Say Run - My hero academia}

My heart was practically trying to ram its way through my rib-cage...

*Thu-dum~*

At this rate Irina would... Die...

*Thu-dum~*

B-because of me...

*Thu-dum~*

Because I kicked that ball...

*Thu-dum~*

Irina's going to die because—

*THU-DUM!*

BECAUSE OF MY INCOMPETENCE AT SOCCER!?

*THU-DUM! THU-DUM~~!*

DON'T FUCK WITH MEEEEEE!

My body moved on its own. "IRINAAAAA!" I won't allow it! I will NOT let Irina get killed due to some butterfly effect horseshit!

*HOOOOORN~~!*

That asshole of driver can just shove that fucking horn where light doesn't shine! With that heated thought I duly proceeded to ignore the damn incoming vehicle and instead solely focused ALL of the energy I could muster from this inconvenient four year old body of mine with a single task in mind.

Fix my own mess and rescue Irina!

In my past life I was basically a coward who prioritized his own hide over others in most situations, but I'll be damned if I let HER die because of MY mistake!

Almost theeeeeere~~!

*HOOOORN~~!*

"GRRRRAAAAAAH~~!" In a high pitched warcry; With the last of my strength I decided to make leap of faith to cover the required distance and raised my hands forward. "DOOOOOODGE!" Without even realizing; I just released my inner TFS Piccolo.

*Thud!* "Kyah!" Irina cried out (also dropping the ball from her hands) as I finally managed to push her out of the way.

YES! She's safe—!

{AN- Song Ends}

*HOOOORNN!*

BUT WHO'S GONNA SAVE ME!?

I was still mid-air as everything seemed to slow down around me and I felt my entire being filling in dread once I took a glance to my right.

The car was only a few feet away... Still no signs of stopping...

At this point my mind had gone into overdrive.

AM I SERIOUSLY GOING TO GET KILLED BY A CAR THE SECOND TIME IN A ROW!?

IT HAS BEEN ONLY FOUR YEARS!

DO I HAVE ANY RESPAWNS LEFT!?

DUNNO DON'T WANNA TEST THAT OUT!

WHAT ABOUT MY FAMIL—

Then out in the distance came to most heart wrenching sound I've ever heard...

"HIROSHIII~~!"

My mother... The sheer despair in her voice made something snap within me...

I CANNOT DIE YET!

I CAN'T LEAVE MY FAMILY BEHIND THE SECOND TIME!

I HAVEN'T EVEN—!

By an instinct I raised my right arm and held the said limb right between me and the incoming vehicle.

I DON'T WANNA DIE A VIRGIN THE SECOND TIME~!

Eh? Is it just me or is my arm glowing blue—?

*CRASH!*

Pain filled my whole being and the last thing I heard before everything went dark...

Were the horrified screams of my family and Irina...

.

.

TBC

AN - That's a wrap! And we have now learned new things about Hiroshi!

1) He cusses a LOT (though he usually keeps most of it in his head in wishes to avoid his mother's wrath)

2) He's absolutely horrendous with certain kind of sports.

3) He goes completely batshit if someone manages to piss him off (along with a mean sadistic streak).

Hiroshi harem list:
(Image in my profile)

- Irina

- Akeno

- Kuroka

- Secret!

- Secret!

- Secret!

- Secret!

- Secret!

- Secret!

.

Issei harem list:

- Rias

- Koneko

- Xenovia (?)

- Asia

- Ravel

- Secret!

- Secret!

- Secret!

(1) Osananajimi = Childhood friend

(2) Japanese term for the game of Tag.

(3) To the blissfully unaware; It's a reference to the reality show; "To Catch the Predator"...

(4) Fans of TFS should know this reference.

(5) Yabai = This is bad/Oh-oh!

(6) "NO VOI NYT PERKELE" I suppose the most relating translation would be "Oh For Fuck's Sake!"