Clary stared at the candle's flickering flame as she shifted uncomfortably in the plush dining chair. She half-listened as Jace spoke with the waiter. They were speaking in French, though, and she had absolutely no idea what was being said. When they had shown up, she had taken one glance at the foreign language in the menu and immediately told Jace to go ahead and order for her.
Her eyes moved to the place setting in front of her, which contained more cutlery than she knew what to do with. She felt extremely out of her element sitting in the darkly lit, intimate restaurant. She had noticed the other diners as they were led to their seats. A few she had recognized from tabloids and society pages, and others just looked rich. She chewed on her lip thinking about the cheap dress she was wearing and the bargain bin heels that were on her feet.
She had never been to a restaurant as upscale as the one they currently sat in, even when she was with Raphael. He had taken her to fancy places, but this one was above and beyond any she had visited. She also had a different outlook on extravagant places and meals than she had before her break up with him. During her earlier glance at the menu, she had noticed the prices and couldn't help but remember those months she had spent struggling just to get buy. The amount some of the entrees cost would have been enough to get her at least two weeks' worth of groceries during that time.
She let her eyes roam around the room, taking in the other couples celebrating the day of love. In the process, she felt even more like she didn't belong there. Her navy dress was from the clearance rack at Macy's and obviously nothing like the designer clothing that the other patrons were wearing. The only jewelry she had one was a diamond-encrusted heart-shaped necklace that Jace had given her in a recognizable light blue box earlier that day. The other women around her had tennis bracelets, diamond studs, and flashy rings accessorizing their outfits.
"Hey," Jace said quietly from across from her. She hadn't noticed that the waiter had left, or that he had left a bottle of wine behind in an ice bucket. "Are you okay?"
Clary forced herself to loosen her shoulders and offered him a weak smile. "This is just… a lot, I guess."
He reached over and grabbed her hand and gently ran his thumb over her knuckles. "I know I haven't been very present these past few weeks, and I wanted to give you a special day today." He gave her a reassuring smile. "This is one of the best restaurants in the city, so try to relax and enjoy it, okay?"
She nodded but didn't meet his eyes completely. Since the holidays had ended, Jace had gone back to work full force. He had made a few more trips to California. He explained he was still looking for a new medical research scientist after having to fire one last year. However, it didn't seem like any of the people he had met with at Stanford were up to his standards. When he wasn't flying across the country to meet with prospective employees, he was spending late nights at the office trying to find other candidates and even helping his current team in whatever ways he could.
Clary couldn't help but feel like things had been off for the past month or so. Any conversation they had seemed to be very superficial and surface-level. Most of said conversations seemed to happen over the phone. When Jace did come home while she was there and awake, he always seemed to bring some sort of trinket or gift for her, as if he was trying to buy her forgiveness. It seemed like he was doing that again with his Valentine's Day plans.
This had led to her thinking a lot about their relationship and exactly how well they knew each other. If they were as in love as they claimed to be, shouldn't he know that she wasn't into any of that by now? Shouldn't he know that she just wanted to spend time with him? That she didn't want any fancy gifts or expensive meals? It all had caused her to wonder if maybe they had moved too fast. Maybe it was all just infatuation and not truly love. Who could blame them for mistaking one for the other, though? After all, they had been living together since meeting. It was hard not to grow close to someone when you shared a home with them. She was wondering if maybe they needed to find a way to get some more physical space from each other and each other's presences in order to sort out their feelings and discover what those feelings truly were.
Jace lightly squeezed her hand, bringing her out of her inner musings. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem a little distracted."
Clary fingered the heart charm on her new necklace, trying to focus on the meaning behind it. He had said he wanted her to know that he always had his heart with her nobody how far apart they were. He wanted her to know that she always carried a piece of him wherever she went.
"I think I'm still getting used to all this," she said, waving her hand around, gesturing over the room. "The fancy dinners, the extravagant parties and galas, the expensive gifts, you know? It's just not really me."
He brought her hand up to his mouth and brushed his lips across the back of it. "You'll get used to it, love. I plan on keeping you around for a while."
She forced another smile, knowing that his words were meant to be reassuring. They were anything but, though. She didn't know if she wanted to get used to it all and what it would mean for them if she didn't.
They walked down the street, their hand entwined, as snow gently began to fall from the mid-February night sky. They both had consumed their fair share of wine and decided to take a late night stroll instead of heading back home right away. The air was cold and biting against the exposed skin of her face, but there was warm buzz thrumming through her veins—coming both from the multiple glasses of wines she had and the fact she had finally allowed herself to loosen up and focus on enjoying her time with Jace instead of mentally questioning their relationship.
The night was quiet as they trekked down the sidewalk. Most people were huddled up inside celebrating the holiday together. The silence of the night allowed for Clary's growling stomach to be heard, and Jace shot her an incredulous look.
"Are you really still hungry?" he asked.
She shrugged in response. "Those portions were tiny. Not my fault it wasn't very filling."
"Do you want to go back home? I can make you something to eat real quick."
Clary took in their current location and shook her head. "No, I have a better idea."
Jace's brow furrowed, but he followed her wordlessly as she pulled him around a few corners and down a couple of streets. She eventually pulled him into a rundown building, and he looked around at the vinyl booths and tables skeptically before asking where they were.
"Taki's," she answered simply.
A young waitress came up to them, and Clary told her the table was just for two. They were taken to a secluded booth in the corner, Jace sliding in across from Clary. The waitress set two flimsy, plastic menus on the table and asked what they would like to drink. Clary asked for a sweet tea while Jace just went with water. The waitress nodded in affirmation and announced she would be right back to take their food orders. Clary didn't even pick up a menu, already knowing what she was going to get. Jace just stared down at the menu with a slight frown on his face.
"It's not going to grow teeth and bite you, Jace," she teased.
"Have you been here before?" he asked while gingerly picking up the worn menu.
She nodded, leaning her face against one of her hands. "Si, Izzy, and I used to come here weekly. I also used to come here a lot when my mom was sick since it's close to the hospital."
His eyes scanned over the menu. "So what's good?"
She laughed and sat up straight again. "Everything. I've never had something I didn't like here. However, I've gotta say their coconut pancakes are my favorite."
"That sounds good," he responded as he set the menu back down.
The waitress came back with their drinks. She set them down on the table and the pulled out a little white lined notepad to take their orders. Jace went with the pancakes, and Clary asked for a double cheeseburger with extra fries.
Jace quirked an eyebrow at her once the waitress walked away again. "A double and extra fries?" he questioned.
She just smirked at him, taking a sip of her tea. "Again, not my fault."
His frown came back in full force. "Did you not enjoy the other place?"
She swirled her straw around her cup for a few seconds before answering him. "I dunno. It was nice."
He snorted. "That sounded really reassuring."
Leaning her head back against the booth, she let out a sigh. "I just… I felt how you feel slumming it in here with me right now."
A scoff came from his throat. "I feel just fine 'slumming it' with you here."
It was her turn to snort. "Please. Your spine is so stiff I'm surprised it hasn't snapped in half. I know you're uncomfortable in here. You feel out of place."
"In case you haven't noticed, we are out of place," he said, gesturing to their attire.
She lifted one of her shoulders in a half shrug. "We may look it but I feel completely fine. This place is familiar territory to me. That restaurant definitely was not."
The crease between his eyebrows deepened. "But you went to nice places before with… you know," he trailed off, not wanting to bring up the ghost of her past.
"Very few times. And never somewhere that nice. Christ, Jace. How many favors did you have to call in to get us reservations somewhere that's probably booked up over a year in advance for Valentine's?"
He dropped his gaze to the table but didn't deny anything she said. Clary felt a stabbing pain at the look of hurt that had taken over his face, and she reached out to grab his hand.
"Listen, I know you wanted tonight to be special, which is why I didn't say anything earlier," she explained. "But that's just not me, you know? I don't need some fancy meal that I can't even pronounce or order myself. Something like this, casual and low key, is way more speed. And as long as I get to spend time with you, it's special enough. Understand?"
He gave her a slight nod and smile. She noticed the smile didn't quite reach his eyes, though. Guilt started to gnaw its way into her heart at the way she seemed to have ruined the night for him. Thankfully, she was given a few more moments to gather her thoughts as the waitress came back with her food. She asked the couple if they needed anything else, and they both mumbled a quiet no.
Clary gave Jace's hand a light squeeze before retracting her hand to her side of the table. "Just forget I said anything, okay? All you were doing was trying to make sure I had a good night, and I'm kinda acting like an ungrateful bitch."
He shook his head as if coming out of his own thoughts. "No, I'm sorry. If I really wanted the night to be special for you, I would have thought more about what you would have liked. I guess sometimes I get a little wrapped up in what most of the people around me are into, and I forget that you aren't like them. You're so different from them, and that's one of the things I love so much about you."
Clary gave him her first genuine smile of the night along with a little wink. "Let's hurry up and eat so we can get back home and enjoy the rest of our night completely alone."
They had been unable to keep their hands off of each other for most of the journey home, and now that they were in the semi-privacy of the elevator, all bets were off. Jace had Clary pressed against the elevator wall with her dress hiked up to her waist. Her legs were wrapped around him, his arousal pressing deliciously into hers. She had her hands tangled in his hair as his hands grabbed at her exposed ass cheeks. A throaty moan escaped her as he sucked at the spot right behind her ear and thrust his erection against her.
The doors slid open, signaling their arrival back to the penthouse. Clary kept her legs hooked around him as he attached his mouth to hers and carried out of the metal box and over to the kitchen counter, which was the closest stable surface. He set her down on the cold granite countertop, and she felt a zing of excitement rush through her. They had kept their sexual encounters to his bedroom considering CeeCee was around most of the time. Now that she was spending the night with her Uncle Alec, though, there was nothing holding them back.
As their tongues danced together, Jace's hand trailed up one of her legs, landing between her thighs. His fingers slipped underneath the silky material of her panties, and he began teasing her entrance. His pushed two of his digits into her, his thumb at her clit, and she threw her head back a groan. He didn't miss a beat once their mouths disconnected, placing hot, open mouth kisses down her throat.
"Have I ever told you how much I love the noises you make when I touch you?" he asked in a husky whisper.
Her only response was a whimper as his fingers found the right spot inside of her and his thumb increased the pressure against her little bundle of nerves.
She felt him smirk against her neck. "Thatta girl."
A few minutes later, her teeth were sinking into the flesh of his shoulder as her first orgasm of the night hit her full force. He continued his ministrations as she rode out the waves of pleasure, only stopping once her body relaxed on the counter again. He withdrew his hand from her panties, and she immediately reached between them, her hands making quick work of the button and zipper of his dress pants. Her hand wandered beneath the waistband of his boxer briefs, and she wrapped her fingers around his length, stroking gently.
He captured her lips once more, moaning quietly into her mouth as her hand picked up its pace. His hands moved up her thighs again, only this time they worked on dragging her panties down. Once they were removed, he pulled back from her, panting with his forehead against hers.
"I need to be inside you," he groaned.
She nodded, removing her hand from his underwear and pushing them along with his pants to the floor. He bent down to pull his wallet out of his pocket, but she grabbed his arm with a shake of her head.
"I want to feel you, Jace. All of you," she said with a pointed look. He wanted the night to be special, and she was going to make sure it was.
His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "You sure?"
She gave him a tiny nod. "I—I trust you, Jace. And I'm, uh, on the shot so we're all covered."
He grabbed her face with one hand while the other dug into the flesh of her hip. "God, I love you," he whispered before pressing a kiss on her lips and sliding into her.
"I wish you didn't have to go," she muttered into his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around him.
"I know. Me, too," he said, resting his chin on top of her head. "It'll hopefully be the last trip, though. I have very promising interviews lined up this time." He pulled back and grinned at her. "And next time I travel, you will be with me and we'll be on our way to Paris."
She smiled back and bit her lip. Paris was only a few short weeks away, and she honestly couldn't wait. Things had been better between them since Valentine's, but they still hadn't been seeing much of each other. She knew he would still be working in Paris, but she was hoping they would still manage to spend more time together than they had been recently.
"I'll miss you," she said, pressing a soft kiss to his chin.
"I'll miss you, too, but I really gotta get this take care of." He removed his arms from around her and stepped out of her grasp. He bent down and picked his packed bag off the floor. "You'll be okay taking CeeCee to her mother's tomorrow?"
She nodded. It was CeeCee's weekend with Kaelie. Normally she'd be happy because it meant more chance of alone time with Jace. However, with Jace gone to California again, she was about to spend the weekend by herself, and she was not looking forward to that.
"Hey, I'll be back before you know it," he said before giving her a quick kiss. "Love you."
"Love you, too," she replied as he stepped into the waiting elevator.
She wandered back to her room, prepared to sleep for a few more hours before she had to get CeeCee up and ready for school. Sleep didn't come easy to her, though, as memories of her mother flashed through her mind. She hadn't told Jace, but today would be one year since her mother's death. She knew she should have told him, but it never seemed like the right time to bring it up. Then, he had planned another trip out to Stanford. She knew he would have postponed it for her, but she didn't want that to happen. Like he said, he had to get this issue with his understaffed research team taken care of. She wasn't about to get in the way of that.
Sleep eventually made a visit to her, but it only felt like a few minutes before her alarm was ringing shrilly on her nightstand. With a groan, she rolled over and shut it off before getting out of bed. She took her time showering and dressing before waking CeeCee up for the day.
The morning passed in a blur, and the next thing she knew, she was sitting in the passenger seat of the car watching CeeCee walk through the school's doors. Clary could hardly even remember how the morning went. She had just been going through the motions helping CeeCee get ready. She had decided to just shut her brain off in a way, trying desperately to push thoughts of her mother out until she could safely breakdown.
"Are you doing okay?" Jordan asked from next to her. "You seem a little spacey today."
She startled in her seat, having somehow forgotten that she was not alone in the car. "Yeah, yeah," she said as Jordan started to pull out of the parking lot. "Do you think we could make a quick stop on the way home, though?"
He gave her the okay, and she gave him directions. He easily maneuvered around the city, and quirked an eyebrow at her as he pulled the vehicle up in front of a cemetery.
"I have someone I need to visit," she explained. "Um, you can stay in the car if you like."
He shook his head, already unbuckling his own seatbelt. "Nope. I'm not supposed to let you out of my sight when we leave the house. Especially when Jace Is out of town."
She swallowed but nodded. "Okay. But just, give me some space, please?"
"Of course," he said as he got out of the car.
She followed suit and started down the path that ran between the rows of headstones. Jordan listened to her and made sure to hang back a few paces. She blankly made her way to her mother's final resting site, the heavy feeling in her stomach growing. The snow on the grass crunched beneath her boots as she stepped off the path, and she pulled her coat tighter around her body as she stopped in front of her mother's grave, a new chill settling into her bones. She glanced behind her to see that Jordan stayed standing on the path, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.
"Hi, Mom," she said, voice cracking and tears starting to fall. The numbness she had been feeling all morning had suddenly disappeared. It was replaced with a sorrow almost as painful as the day her mother had breathed her last breath. She fell to her knees, a strangled sob coming from her throat as she buried her face in her hands.
Snow seeped through her jeans as she kneeled their crying, but she ignored. The cold and wet didn't matter to her right now. She was too focused on the searing pain cutting through her chest. A year. It had been a whole year since she'd last seen Jocelyn. A year since she had been on her own, losing the only actual family she had ever known. And with everything going on between her and Simon and then her recent issues with Jace, she wanted nothing more than to be able to crawl into her mother's comforting embrace.
She couldn't do that, though. So instead, she started to talk. She told her mother about everything that had happened since her last visit on Thanksgiving. She told her about the falling out she and Simon had. About her second guessing everything with Jace. About how things were getting better, but she still wasn't sure they weren't rushing things. They hadn't even been together that long before professing their so-called love for each other. She went on and on, wishing more than anything that she could actually be having a conversation with her mom. She knew Jocelyn would have been able to point her in the right direction with her advice.
She wasn't sure how long she had spent just kneeling there and talking and crying, but the silence of the cemetery was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. It was Jace's ringtone, and she had a sense of déjà vu, comparing this to the last time she had come to visit her mother.
She quickly wiped her eyes and cleared her throat before pressing the accept button. "Hey, babe," she answered, cringing at how thick her voice still sounded.
"You didn't tell me," he said without missing a beat, his tone accusatory.
"Tell you what?" she asked even though she knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Don't bullshit with me right now, Clare. I got off the plane to a text from Isabelle saying to make sure I'm with you today, and when I ask what she means by that, I don't get a response. Then, I get a call from Jordan informing me that you're at a cemetery and you're crying your eyes out over your mother's grave. It didn't take much for me to connect the dots."
Clary shot a glare at Jordan, who at least had the decency to look a little sheepish. She stood up, clutching her phone tightly in frozen fingers. "Jordan follows me to make sure I'm safe," she seethed, "not to spy on me and report back to you about every little thing I do."
"Jesus fuck, Clary," his raised voice came through the speaker. "I think I have a right to know when my girlfriend is having a breaking down while I'm on the other fucking side of the country because she didn't bother to inform it's the anniversary of her mother's death."
"I didn't want to worry you," she said, her voice small. "You have more important things to worry about with your work situation."
"I should be there with you, Clare. I would be there with you."
"I know," she whispered.
"I'm going to get the next flight back."
"No!" she half-shouted into the phone. "I'm fine, Jace. Really. I've gotten most of it out of my system. I'm just gonna have Jordan take me home, and I'll veg out or something until we have to get CeeCee. Please, don't cancel your interviews or anything to come back here."
"I don't like this."
She sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you. I just—I'm tired of you always having to take these trips. And if this could really be the last one, I didn't want to jeopardize that by making you stay here. I promise I'm as okay as I can be."
He didn't say anything for a few moments, but eventually spoke again, sounding resigned. "Alright. Just call me if you need anything?"
"Always."
"I love you, Clary. More than I think you know."
"I love you, too, Jace. I'll talk to you later."
She hung up the phone, her heart feeling heavy.
The ringing of the house phone pulled Clary from a deep, dreamless sleep. Her brow furrowed as she became slightly more consciousness. It was five in the morning, and she had no idea who would be calling that number at this time. She threw herself out of bed, tripping slightly over the stilettos that were on the ground from when she had kicked them off upon returning from Pandemonium only a few short hours before.
She made it to the phone and answered with a yawn escaping her lips.
"Miss Clary?" CeeCee's trembling voice came through the line.
Any sleepiness that remained in her system immediately left at the sound of the little girl's voice. "CeeCee, honey? What's wrong?"
"I got sick and threw up," she cried.
She felt relief at this statement, having thought that something horrible had happened. "Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. That sounds terrible, but you should go tell your mom instead of me."
"She's not here."
And just like that, all the relief was gone and her blood ran cold. "What do you mean?"
"I can't find her," the girl cried into the phone. "I woke up because my tummy hurt and I got sick and she's not here and Daddy said to call home if something ever happened."
"Hey, sweetheart," Clary said as soothingly as possible, "I need you to calm down." She moved through the apartment back to her room, where she hastily threw on the first pair of non-heeled shoes she could find. "I'm going to come get you, okay? Just sit tight."
"O-okay. But hurry please, Miss Clary."
"I will, sweetie. I'll see you soon."
Clary hung up the phone and picked up the spare set of keys to the Lincoln from the bowl next to the elevator. Her hands were shaking slightly as she called the elevator and pressed the button for the parking garage. She was out and running across the parking garage before the doors even fully opened. She slid into the driver's seat of the car, barely remembering to buckle her seatbelt before pealing out of the garage.
Her foot continued to press on the gas as the speedometer crept well past the posted speed limit. She wanted to get to CeeCee as soon as possible and just prayed that there weren't any cops lurking around the roads she was taking. She expertly maneuvered around the drivers on the road, her hands gripping the wheel so tight that her knuckles were turning white.
She stopped outside Kaelie's house with screech brakes. She rolled down the window and punched in the security code even though she was more than half tempted to just drive through the gates. Once she reached the front steps, she threw the car into park and jumped out with the engine still running. She sprinted up the stairs and was equal parts relieved and angered to find the front door unlocked.
"CeeCee?" she called out as soon as she had the door open. "Honey, where are you?"
"Miss Clary!" a voice called out.
Clary didn't even bother taking in the interior of Kaelie's home as she went in search of the little girl. She guessed it was just as extravagant and flashy as the outside, though. She looked through a few doors before finally finding CeeCee laying down on a bed in one of the rooms clutching her stomach with tears streaming down her face. The bed was covered with soft pink bedding and had a cream colored canopy over it. Clary figured this was CeeCee's room and had been decorated by her mother.
"Oh, CeeCee," she breathed, rushing over. She placed a hand against her forehead, which felt slightly hot. "Is it actually painful or do you just feel sick?" she asked, wondering if she was about to have to take her to the ER or something.
"Just sick," she sniffled.
Clary ran her hand through the girl's soft curls. "Okay, honey. Let's get you home, okay?"
She scanned the room, seeing a waste bin in the corner. It would work for something to CeeCee to hold on to in case she got sick in the car. She easily lifted CeeCee out of the bed, holding her close, before walking over and picking up the trash can. She sped walked out of the house and carefully placed CeeCee in the car seat in the back of the still-running car. She handed her the trash can.
"If you have to throw up again, do it in here, okay?"
CeeCee nodded, running the back of her hand under her runny nose. Clary tried to give her an encouraging smile before closing the door and rushing to the other side of the car. She got in, adjusting the rearview mirror so she could see CeeCee in the back. On the drive back home, she made sure to abide by all driving laws. She didn't want to risk an accident or getting pulled over with the child in the car.
By the time they got home, CeeCee had gotten sick twice in the car. Clary figured that was from a combination of whatever stomach issue she had and motion sickness. She was still a little worried, but figured she would monitor her for a few more hours before deciding to take her to a doctor of any kind. It was probably just the stomach flu, and she had been raised to go to the hospital over every little thing.
She carried CeeCee into the penthouse, pressing a comforting kiss to the crown of her head and telling her everything was gonna be fine. Once safely inside, she gave CeeCee a quick bath to clean her up and helped her dress in a fresh pair of comfy pajamas. She had found some Emetrol in the medicine cabinet and gave her a dose.
She was now sitting on the edge of CeeCee's bed, running her hands gently through her now dry curls. She had already read a few books to the little girl and helped to the bathroom to throw up once, making sure she brushed her teeth well after. Humming softly, she was trying to get CeeCee to fall asleep. She hoped that sleep would help her get better sooner.
When CeeCee's eyes closed and her breathing evened out, Clary quietly got off the bed. She walked over to the book shelf where she had seen an old set of baby monitors earlier. Checking the batteries, she saw they were still in working condition, and she turned them on. She placed one on CeeCee's nightstand and took the other one with her, silently closing CeeCee's door.
She walked into her bathroom, setting the monitor down on the counter. After turning the water to the highest comfortable heat, she peeled off the work uniform that she hadn't changed out of earlier. She took the fastest shower of her life, anxious that CeeCee would end up needing her.
After quickly drying off, she dressed in a pair of soft jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt. She made her way back to CeeCee's room, wanting to double check that everything was still okay. The little girl was still in her bed, fast asleep, her chest rising and falling steadily. Clary checked forehead again. It was still a little warm, but it wasn't that bad or something she felt she needed to worry about.
She thought about all the times she was sick as a child and how her mother helped her or made her feel better. She remembered Jocelyn would always sleep next to her. She wasn't sure if that had been more for her own benefit or for Clary's, but Clary had always like knowing her mother was right there. She crawled into the bed next to CeeCee, just watching her face as she slept. Her own eyes grew heavy, and she eventually closed them, falling asleep the child's even breaths.
When she woke again later, it was a little after noon. CeeCee was poking a small finger into her side and calling her name.
"Miss Clary," she said once Clary had opened her eyes, "I'm hungry."
Clary frowned slightly. "You sure? Is your stomach still upset?"
"Upset and hungry," she said with a pout.
"Okay," Clary replied, stifling a yawn. "I'll go make you something that will be easy on your stomach. Try to get a little more sleep, okay?"
CeeCee mumbled an agreement before rolling over and closing her eyes again. Clary forced herself out of the bed and to the kitchen. She made sure to grab the baby monitor on the way just in case. She rummaged through the cabinets, looking for something that wouldn't make CeeCee even sicker. Remembering the BRAT diet, she pulled out a bag of rice from the pantry.
As she was boiling the water, the sound of the elevator arriving drew her attention. She froze, knowing nobody else should be coming around today. Silently opening a drawer, she pulled out a large kitchen knife and gripped it in her hand. Her footsteps were careful and quiet as she moved toward the entryway.
Turning the corner, her shoulders sagged with relief when she saw Jace standing there, taking off his coat and placing it on a hook. She placed the knife behind her on the counter, the metal clinking against the granite. He looked up, having heard her, and she automatically took a step back at the fire the burned in his eyes.
"What are you doing home?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from wavering.
"Is CeeCee here?" he asked in response, his voice hard.
"Yes, she—"
"So Kaelie wasn't lying then," he said with a humorless laugh as he ran a hand through his hair.
"I—What do you mean?"
He looked at her, his eyes steely. "I got a frantic call from her saying that my insane nanny came and just took our daughter."
"CeeCee called here saying she was sick and—"
"So what, Clary? If she's sick her mother can take care of her. That's not your place."
"But she—"
"No but's! I had to cancel one of my interviews to hop on a plane and fly back here because you crossed a line this morning."
Now it was Clary's turn to get mad. She was tired of him cutting her off, not letting her explain herself and what happened. Plus, she was quickly figuring out exactly what his actions that day meant. "You didn't have to fly back," she retorted. "You could have called me and asked. But I know why you didn't."
Jace remained silent, and she saw his jaw clench slightly.
"You don't trust me, Jace. That's what this all boils down to. If you trusted me at all, Jace Herondale, you would have called me before getting the first flight back here when Kaelie calls whining about something."
"She wasn't whining. She was frantic, Clary! Our child was missing."
"Kaelie had no right!" she half-yelled, pointing a finger at him. He opened his mouth to speak again, but she shook her head at him. "You know why? Because she wasn't there. CeeCee called me because she was in that house completely alone! And I show up to get her because she's throwing up and doesn't have her mother there to help here, and the goddamn front door is unlocked."
She saw surprise flash across his face, but he quickly schooled his features again. "Then you should have called me."
Clary glared at him. Why wasn't he admitting he was in the wrong right now. "Maybe. But I was a little preoccupied with making sure your daughter was okay and safe and helping her get better."
"When something happens with her, it's your job to call me!"
Clary through her hands up into the air. "I wasn't doing this as your goddamn nanny. I was doing this as your girlfriend, who happens to care a whole awful lot about your daughter!"
"Exactly! My daughter." He pointed a finger at his own chest. "That means I have a right to know immediately when something is happening with her. She's mine. Not yours. Just because you wanted a kid and lost yours doesn't mean you can just act like CeeCee belongs to you!"
Her hands dropped to her sides, and she shook her head. "Fuck you, Jace," she said, angry tears burning at the back of her eyes.
She walked over to the elevator and began pulling on a pair of sneakers she had discarded there a few days ago. Jace didn't speak again until she took her coat off one of the hooks and began to put it on.
"Where are you going?"
She shot a glare at him. "Out."
He closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. "Clary, I—"
He was cut off as CeeCee's voice came through the baby monitor in the kitchen. "Daddy?" she called out.
"You should probably go and check on your daughter," she said before turning to leave.
Clary showed up to work early that night. She hadn't been back home since walking out on Jace that afternoon, having no desire to be anywhere near him. There fight had been bad, and she probably could have gotten over it. But that final comment about the child she lost pushed her over the edge. She had told him about that in a moment of vulnerability, and she had trusted him with the information. He threw it in her fact to hurt her, though, and she wasn't sure how long it was going to take for her to forgive that.
Bat always had extra uniforms stocked, so she asked him for one before hunting down someone who might have some make up she could borrow. She hadn't realized how bad she looked until Bat asked her what had her looking like shit. She had shrugged him off, saying it was just a bad day. After leaving Jace's, she had wandered around the city until it was reasonable for her to go to work. In her haste to leave, she hadn't grabbed a wallet or phone, and she was lucky that her subway card happened to be in her coat pocket. During her meandering, though, she had ducked into a few bathrooms to cry her eyes out when overthinking her argument with Jace.
She couldn't believe him—both the flying back without talking to her first and the comment he had made. She knew she had made mistakes and wasn't necessarily the most forthcoming person, but she never, ever fucked up when it came to CeeCee. Jace should have recognized that. And the fact that he immediately went with whatever Kaelie said was unfathomable to her. He'd rather take a five plus hour flight than take five minutes to call and check in. She knew she said she trusted him, but could she really when the feeling wasn't mutual?
It was obvious he didn't trust her back. Even before that day's stunt. She understood Jordan being around to keep an eye out for her safety, but having him report back to Jace about everything was ridiculous. She hadn't told Jace about her mother's death anniversary two days earlier for a reason, and that reason had nothing to do with trust. Even if she actually had a secret, it would be nearly impossible to keep with Jordan always playing spy with her. Then there was that whole thing that happened with Bat. Yes, Raphael had hurt her, but she was going to tell him about when he got home from his trip. She didn't not tell him things because of trust. She didn't tell him because she didn't want him to worry about her.
She shook herself out of her thoughts once more and went on a hunt for beauty supplies. One of the other servers luckily had a makeup bag in her locker, and Helen had a brush and some product she could borrow. Once she had herself looking somewhat decent, it was close enough to her shift start time for her to clock in.
She was thankful for the busy night they had. She was too busy running between tables and remembering drink orders to dwell on Jace and their current situation. When she was able to put her tray away for the night, though, she was also thankful that she would soon be in a cozy warm bed. The day had been exhausting both emotionally and physically, and all she wanted to do was crawl between the covers and pass out. She was hoping Jace would already be in bed by time she got home and that she wouldn't have to deal with him until the morning.
As she was walking down the back hallway to the Employees Only section, someone grabbed her by the arm and shoved her up against the wall. An arm was placed on either side of her head, and a familiar scent filled her nose. A scent that sent her heart into overdrive, and not in a good way.
"I've been trying to get you alone for a while, princesa," Raphael murmured into her ear.
She forced down the bile that was rising in her throat. "What do you want?" she asked, her voice only wavering slightly.
"Just want to talk," he said, moving one of his hands down to rub up and down her arm. "Ask some questions." He stopped the movement, his grip tightening painfully. "Figure out what the fuck you said to Herondale."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, trying to pull her arm free. He wouldn't budge, though.
He brought his face right in front of hers, so close that their noses were almost touching. "Herondale didn't just blackball me for no reason, Clarissa. What the fuck did you tell him?"
"Let go of me, Raphael," she demanded, her voice coming out stronger than she felt. She was angry, though, and that was making her stand up to Raphael for the first time in her life. She was tired of everyone trying to push her around and walk all over her. She was tired of being controlled. She was tired of Raphael having such power over her despite their relationship having ended almost a year ago.
"Not until you start talking, dulce," he hissed, his hand twisting her arm a little.
"I said let go, you asshole."
Raphael actually looked shocked for once, not used to her talking about to him at all. While he was stunned for just that one second, she managed to move herself away from him a little. It was only a small distance, and he still had a hand on her arm, but she was able to draw her free hand back enough to put some power behind her punch. Her fist connected with his face with a crack, and he immediately let go of her, both of his hands flying to clutch his nose as he stumbled back. Clary clutched her own hand to her chest, her fingers throbbing.
"You fucking bitch!" Raphael spat out, blood seeping through the cracks of his fingers.
He took a step toward her, but there was suddenly another body between them.
"You're out of here, Santiago," Simon growled. "For good. This was your last strike."
"The bitch hit me and you're kicking me out?"
"We saw what led up to that," Bat said. Clary hadn't even noticed him standing off to the side. "You put your hands on her, and I warned you last time. You're gone. I don't give a shit about keeping your business anymore."
Raphael shot daggers at Clary. "You're going to pay for this, cunt."
"Don't make me drag your ass out of here," Bat threatened.
With one last glare, Raphael turned and started to walk away. Clary watched as Bat followed him, expecting Simon to tag along. He remained in front of Clary, though, his arms crossed over his chest. She was surprised to not see the anger that she was used to seeing etched on his face whenever they happened to see each other. Instead, his features were neutral.
"How did you get here today?" he asked, voice even and not giving away how he was feeling.
"I—I rode the subway," she stammered out, confused by this seemingly normal conversation.
"You should call your boyfriend. Have him come pick you up. You never know where Raphael might be lurking around."
Clary glanced down at her shoes. "I left my phone at home." She paused. "And, uh, we had a really bad fight today. I don't think he'll want to be bothered with me right now."
"Don't be stupid, Clare. He cares a lot about you. Even I can see that. He'll want to know and make sure you're okay."
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and asked for Jace's number. Clary recited it to him, her brow furrowing deeper as Simon pressed the phone to his own ear. His eyes scanned over Clary as the line rang, probably looking for whatever damage Raphael might have done.
"Hey, man. It's Simon," he said into the receiver. "You might want to come get your girl." He gave Clary a wry smile. "There was an incident involving Raphael. She's all good, I think, but I don't think either of us want her riding the subway alone right now." At this he gave Clary a pointed look. "Alright, we'll see you soon."
He ended the call and slid the phone back into his pocket.
"See? Told you he'd want to know."
Clary just nodded numbly.
"We should go get your things and wait outside."
She nodded again, following him to the locker room. "Why are you being so nice to me right now? You didn't have to do that. I would have been fine."
He sighed, his shoulders tensing before turning to look at her. "I've been a dick lately, and I'm sorry for that. I just—I was so afraid of Herondale ending up like Santiago, and I didn't want to watch that happen to you again. And I was hurt that you didn't tell me about it sooner, but I guess my reaction probably gave you good reason. But I miss my best friend, and I'm tired of avoiding you and making an ass of myself."
"So you just woke up one morning and decided all this?"
He shook his head. "No. You guys lasted way longer than I thought you would, and I've seen some of the tabloids that have come out. The way Jace looks at you, you just know he's not like Raphael. But if he does end up hurting you, I won't be afraid to throw an 'I told you so' out there."
"Well, I appreciate it. I miss my best friend, too."
She started to gather her things, struggling into her coat while trying not to jostle her hand too much. It was still throbbing and she was hoping she hadn't broken it. It wouldn't be the first broken bone she'd gotten from Raphael, but it definitely would be the first she caused herself.
"How's your hand?" he asked as they started to walk toward the back exit.
She shrugged, cradling it to her chest again. "Hurts but I'm hoping fine."
He smirked at her. "Well, I'm sure your doctor boyfriend will be more than willing to look at it."
She forced a laugh. "Yeah. Probably."
The truth was, she was preparing for another big fight. She had a feeling Jace was about to go off on her for multiple things. Leaving her without saying where she was going, not taking her phone, letting herself get into something with Raphael. The list went on.
"Well that fucker had it coming is all I'm saying," Simon said, shoving his hands into his pants pockets as they waited for Jace. "I'm proud of you, though. You were handling yourself pretty well. I only stepped in because I think punching him might have pissed him off enough for him to really go off, ya know?"
"Yeah," she said. "It felt pretty good, too. Well, minus the hand pain."
A familiar pulled up in front of them, and Jace was out of the driver's seat as soon as it was fully stopped. His hair was a mess and he was still in the same clothes from earlier. His frantic eyes looked over Clary's body.
"Are you okay? What happened?" he asked seemingly all in one breath.
"Raphael decided to corner, but your girl managed herself. She's got a pretty wicked left hook; I'd watch out if I were you," Simon said, trying to ease some of the tension.
Jace's eyes fell on Clary's hand, and he reached out to gingerly take it. She hissed at the contact, but he continued to twist and turn it. "I don't think it's broken, which is good. Most likely just severely bruised."
"Just like Raphael's ego after tonight," Simon said.
Clary snorted, a small smile playing at her lips.
"Thanks for calling me," Jace said to him. "Since someone thought it'd be smart to walk out without her phone."
"Hey," Simon snapped, all joking gone. "Don't talk to or about her like that. Don't make me regret giving you my blessing."
Clary gave Simon a half-smile. "Don't worry about it right now, Si. We're in a fight, remember? But thanks for helping out tonight. I appreciate it."
"Anytime, Clare. I've got to get back in there, but call me and maybe we can meet up and catch up on things?"
Clary nodded, her smile growing. "Definitely."
Simon disappeared back inside, and Jace gestured to the car. Clary reluctantly got into the passenger seat. She did not want to be in a car with him right now, unable to escape whatever discussion turned argument was about to take place.
Jace drove for a few minutes without saying anything. "I'm so glad you're safe," he began. "I was so worried when Simon called. But, I just don't understand how you could be so stupid. You really left for hours without saying anything about where you were going and without a way of contacting you? Do you have any idea how worried I was between CeeCee and you? You should have at least let Jordan go with your or something."
"I think I should move out," Clary suddenly blurted, surprising even herself.
Jace slammed on the brakes, pulling the car off on to the shoulder of the road. He killed the engine and turned to look at her, eyes wide. "You're quitting? I know what I said earlier was way out of line and—"
Clary held up a hand to stop him. "I'm not quitting. I just need somewhere that's mine when I'm not working. I realized that we need some sort of boundary. A line between Nanny Clary and Girlfriend Clary."
"But why? Our situation is working just fine the way it is."
She rolled her eyes. "No, it's not. You are constantly treating me like your employee, and the situation with CeeCee is a perfect example of that." He opened his mouth to retort, but she kept going. "And then just now. I get that you care and you worry, but when I'm not on the clock and don't have her with me, you do not need to know my every single goddamn move, Jace. I survived New York without a cellphone and without my mom always knowing where was as a kid, I think I can survive it just fine now."
He stared at her silently for a few beats, his eyes searching hers. "You really want to move out?"
She nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. "Just part time, though. Like weekends."
"And it will make you feel better? It will help whatever is going on between us?"
"I think so," she said. "I think we might have moved too fast, which can't really be helped when you already live together before you start dating. I think this little bit of space will help us slow things down and get back on track."
He let out a deep sigh. "Okay."
She raised an eyebrow at him, not expecting him to give in so quickly. "Okay?"
He nodded. "Okay." He gave her a cheeky smile. "Plus, you having your own place means I can properly do dates now. Picking you up at your apartment and everything."
"Now you're getting it," she responded with a smile of her own.
Kinda a lot for one chapter but here ya go.