The doctor quietly exited the room, giving them some privacy. Jace's hand gripped hers tightly, and he didn't even try to hide the tears that slowly slid from his eyes. Clary held back the I told you so that so desperately wanted to slip out.
"We're going to have a son," he said in awe.
Clary rolled
her eyes. "We are. But one of us already knew that," she replied, unable to help the small dig. Afterall, she had told him more than once, and he had brushed her off.
He chuckled and turned his attention away from the small screen. "I know, I know. You were right. I just didn't want to get my hopes up."
"You really wanted a boy?" she asked. Even though she actually had nothing to do with it, she felt oddly happy that she could give him what he wanted.
He nodded. "I'm a man, Clare. Of course, I wanted a boy."
She sat up, resting her hand on her stomach and kicking her feet slightly. "Would you have been upset if it was a girl?"
He frowned at her question. "Of course not. I'm just excited to have a boy. Plus, CeeCee is probably going to turn me gray early once she hits her teens. I can't imagine what having to go through that twice would do to me."
Clary laughed at the way he shuddered dramatically. "Yeah," she sighed. "She's definitely going to get the attention of boys."
"And now she'll have a brother that can help me scare them away," he said, his eyes twinkling.
She snorted. "If he's anything like you, he's going to be too busy breaking his own hearts to help."
He gave her a crooked smile. "That's when I sit him down and have a nice long talk about treating girls right. And all about protection, of course. Don't want to unexpectedly become a grandpa in my 40s," he joked.
Clary didn't laugh in response. Instead, she found herself bursting into tears, untangling her fingers from Jace's and burying her head in her hands.
"Oh shit, Clare. That wasn't a dig at our situation," he said, placing a hand on her back and rubbing in small circles.
"But I fucked up," she cried, her voice slightly muffled by her hands.
"What do you mean?"
She lifted her head and looked at him. The corners of his mouth were turned down, and a small pucker had formed between his brow. She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, which was pointless because she was still crying. She felt like that was all she was doing recently.
"You wanted to do it right this time. I remember you talking about it. You wanted marriage and to plan for a baby before it happened. But then I got pregnant and ruined everything."
He cocked his head to the side. "Last I checked, you didn't get pregnant by yourself. It takes two people to make a baby."
"But I'm the one who wanted to stop using condoms and I'm the one who forgot to reschedule my birth control appointment."
He moved in front of her, bending over slightly and putting his hand on her knees. He kept his eyes level with hers. "I didn't exactly fight you on the condoms, did I?" She shook her head. "And I knew the risks that came along with that. There's always a small chance of birth control failing, so this could have happened whether or not you forgot."
She closed her eyes and groaned. "Stop being so understanding and let me wallow."
"What do you want? For me to be upset with you? Because that's not happening." His hands squeezed her knees. "Is this ideal? No. But am I unhappy about it? Also no. You having my child, my son, could never be something that upset me."
"I just—I feel bad, you know? You had this whole plan in your head, and now it's messed up."
He let go of her knees and stood back up to his full height. "Life hardly ever goes as planned, Clare. Besides, there's still plenty of time for us to do it the 'right' way."
She snorted, rubbing small circles on her stomach. "We haven't even had the first kid yet, and you're already thinking about more.
"I'm always thinking about more when it comes to you, Clare. Having more kids. Loving you more. Loving you more." He shot her a suggestive wink.
Heat rose in her cheeks, and she looked down at her lap. It was the first time either of them had brought up sex. They'd shared a few kisses here and there, some of them more heated than others, but that was the farthest they'd gone.
"Hey, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was speaking without thinking. Again."
"No. If we're going to be back together, that's going to be a part of it, and it's something to think about. I just don't think I'm ready for it yet," she said, her voice getting quieter as she spoke.
He reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear and lifting her face slightly. "That's completely fine, Clare," he said. "I can wait."
"Thank you."
"Do you wanna go get lunch?" he asked.
She sighed, hopping off the table. "I would but I promised Izzy we would get together today. She knew we were finding out the sex today and wanted to go shopping as soon as we knew."
"She's going to be so upset to learn it's a boy and she has to go with all the blues instead of pink frilly stuff."
Clary shrugged as she walked toward the door. "I'm not planning on getting a lot of blue stuff either. I want something more neutral. Like yellow or green. Besides, I'm probably just going to window shop and not actually buy anything."
They started the walk to the receptionist, and Jace shoved his hands in his pockets. "Why's that?"
"I don't want to buy a bunch of stuff until I know where I'm living and what kind of space I'm working with."
They reached the desk, and Clary quickly made her next appointment. She asked for two reminder cards again, wordlessly handing one to Jace.
"You already what space you're working with," Jace said as they exited the building.
"What do you mean? I haven't even looked at any apartments yet," she said.
They stopped at his car, looking at each other over the roof. "We'll turn your old room into a nursery."
"Okay," she drawled. "That works for your home, but my—"
"It works for our home," he interrupted. "I plan to have you back in there before he comes. In fact, I plan to have you moved back in before you can even find another apartment."
"Jace," she said on an exasperated sigh.
"I know. You're not ready. Yet. And I'm just being open and honest with you, making sure you are completely aware of my future intentions."
He unlocked the car doors and slid in. She followed suit, and he started the drive back to her place.
"You're sounding pretty sure of yourself there," she said.
"You've been spending more time there already. I just think it will be easy to transition into living there again."
She had been spending a lot more time at his apartment. Sometimes she went to spend the day with CeeCee. Other times, she had Jace help her search for jobs and apartments online. And on more than one occasion, she had gone just to not be alone.
"There's a difference between hanging out there and living there."
"Not really. If you think about it, it's like hanging out with the added benefit of also sleeping there. Anyway, will you come over after your Isabelle-filled afternoon?"
"I'm not staying the night, Jace," she responded. Part of her knew that if he really pushed the subject, she might change her mind, though.
"I'm not asking you to. I think it would be a good night to tell CeeCee about her little brother."
Izzy had been slightly disappointed to learn that Clary wasn't going to be popping out a little girl in a few months. Clary knew she had probably been looking forward to having someone to play dress up with and spoil. With the way Izzy quickly got over it, she had a feeling her son was going to end up being the best dressed baby they knew.
She followed Izzy through a multitude of stores, her anxiety slowly rising as they went. She'd browsed through baby stores before, but that was just to see what was out there and get used to the idea of being pregnant. Now that she was actually looking for the things she would need, she was feeling completely overwhelmed by everything she was seeing. Cribs, changing tables, car seats, strollers, highchairs, breast pumps, towels, diapers, bottles, bottle warmers, rattles, pacifiers, toys, and on and on and on. And all the newborn clothes were so, so tiny.
It was hitting her that she was about to be responsible for that very, very tiny life. A baby that would not be able to do anything for himself. He would be depending on her for everything. As they stood looking through a furniture catalog, she was suddenly very unsure about whether or not she could do it.
Isabelle must have noticed the shift in her mood, because she closed the spiral-bound book and looked at Clary. "You've been quiet. What's up?" she asked.
"I—I don't think I can do this," Clary said, her voice barely audible.
"That's okay. We can call it a day. There's still plenty of time to get the shopping done."
Clary shook her head. "No. I don't think I can do this," she gestured to her stomach. "Be a mom."
Izzy's eyes widened. "What the hell are you talking about, Clary? This is something you've always wanted."
"Just because I want it doesn't mean I can do it," she said.
"Where is this coming from?"
"I don't know!" Clary practically shouted. She quickly lowered her voice again as her outburst drew looks from other shoppers. "We're just looking at all this stuff, and knowing I'm going to need all of it and thinking about how much work is involved in being a mother and taking care of a baby and what if I'm not good?"
Izzy gently grabbed her by the arms. "First, I need you to calm down," she said. "Second, there's no reason for you to be worrying about being a good mother. If the way you are with CeeCee is any indication, you're going to do great."
"But that's different, Iz. CeeCee is a grown child. She can already do so much on her own and doesn't require constant supervision and help. A baby is completely different. They rely on you for literally everything. And did you see how small all those clothes are? His life is going to be one hundred percent in my hands, and there's so many chances for me to mess it all up."
Her best friend stared at her thoughtfully, trying to carefully pick her words. "I'm sure you're not the only expecting parent to feel this way, Clary, but, I want you to think about how you are not going to be alone in this journey. Simon and I will always be here for you. Most importantly, Jace will be there for you, and he already has experience with this whole baby thing."
"Jace has never been pregnant, though. He's never had to carry a baby or give birth or breastfeed or anything else involved in being the uterus bearer. Like, what if I carry this baby for nine months, destroy my vagina pushing him out of me, only to do something wrong and have him hate me for the rest of my life."
Izzy exhaled loudly. "Okay. Let's call it quits on all this for today. We can go to Barnes and Noble, get some coffee or tea or something, and find you some of those What to Expect When Expecting books or whatever they're called now. Does that sound good?"
Clary gave her friend a grateful smile. "That sounds perfect."
Clary walked into Jace's apartment later that evening. She was exhausted from her day out with Izzy, and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed with one of the new parenting books she had purchased. But she had promised Jace they would tell CeeCee as soon as they knew the sex, and she was going to follow through with it.
Jace was just getting CeeCee out of a bath when she showed up. She decided to make herself at home while Jace finished getting CeeCee ready for bed. Clary wandered into the kitchen, wanting to make herself a cup of tea to help calm down. She was feeling inexplicably nervous about telling CeeCee their news.
She was stirring some honey into a cup of chamomile when Jace entered the kitchen.
"How was your afternoon with Isabelle?" he asked, filling a glass with water.
She shrugged as she blew gently into her cup. "Fine. She wasn't too heartbroken about it being a boy."
He leaned against the counter across from her. "Did you end up buying anything?"
"Just some books. I, um, got a little wigged out looking at everything, and Izzy thought some parenting books might help."
He pushed himself off the counter and stepped toward her. "Anything you want to talk about?" he asked, removing the cup from her hand and taking her hands in his.
She shook her head. "No. It was a very in-the-moment thing, and I think I'm over it now." She was sure that would only be a temporary feeling, though.
"Okay. But you know that I'm here for you right? We're in this together, Clare."
She gave him a smile. "I know."
"Miss Clary!" CeeCee called from the kitchen's doorway.
"Hey, sweet girl," Clary replied, crouching down so CeeCee could run over and give her a hug.
"Why're you here?" she asked.
Clary's smile faltered a little, the nerves taking over again. "I'm here because your dad and I have a huge secret we've been waiting to tell you." She tried to force as much enthusiasm into her voice as she could.
"A secret?" CeeCee gasped.
Clary stood up, grabbed CeeCee's hand, and walked her into the living room. Jace followed quietly behind. Clary sat on the couch with CeeCee next to her, and Jace sat on the other side of his daughter.
He met Clary's eyes and gave her an encouraging nod.
"Honey, do you remember when you asked me if you would ever get a sister?" Clary asked.
CeeCee's face immediately lit up. "I'm getting a baby sister?" she squealed.
Clary mentally chastised herself for not setting that up better. At this point, she decided it would be best to just rip the band aid off. "You're actually getting a baby brother."
The little girl stared at her. "No, thank you. I don't want it."
Clary glanced over at Jace. She had no idea how she was supposed to respond to that.
"A baby isn't a gift you can return," Jace said carefully. "I thought you would be excited to be a big sister."
"But I don't want a brother. I want a sister," she said, crossing her arms with a huff.
"We know you do," Jace said. "But when people have babies, they don't get to pick whether it's a boy or a girl. And once your brother comes, I know you'll love him just as much as you would a sister."
She jumped off the couch and stomped her foot. "No!" she yelled, her face turning red and tears swimming in her eyes. "I hate him! I want a sister!"
"Sweetheart," Clary began softly, "I know how much you want a sister, and I wish I could give that to you. But I'm having a boy and can't change that. Maybe—"
"Then I hate you, too!"
Clary flinched, not only at the words but the volume at which they were said.
"Celine," Jace said, his tone even but authoritative. "Please go to your room. Now."
CeeCee had angry tears streaming down her face, but she listened to her father. A few seconds after she ran down the hall, they heard the slamming of her door.
Clary just stared after her in shock, her stomach turning. She didn't know what she had been expecting, but that definitely was not it. She knew CeeCee might not be the happiest about the news, but she didn't think she would get so mad and hateful.
"I—I should go," she said, standing on shaky legs.
Jace stood and pulled her to his chest. "I'm so sorry, Clare. I had no idea she would react that way," he said. "I'm going to have a talk with her, try to calm her down. Let her know she can't speak to people that way. Just know that she does not hate you."
"I know, I know. She was just unbelievably angry. I'm not used to that from her."
"She's been acting out and having more tantrums since the incident. I'm sure this is part of that." He sighed heavily. "I'll probably call to set up an extra appointment with her therapist tomorrow."
"I still think I should go." She removed herself from his embrace. "This is a talk you should have with her alone. Most of her anger is directed at me, and I don't think I should be around for it."
He frowned slightly but nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I really am sorry, though. I thought it would go better than it did."
She lifted and dropped a shoulder. "She's just shocked and disappointed. Things will be better once she has time to cool down."
She was trying her best to sound nonchalant, but on the inside she was falling apart. She wasn't sure things would get better. What if CeeCee did resent her for not giving her a sister? What if she never actually got over it? What if she really did hate Clary now? She didn't know what she would do if this had put a permanent rift in her relationship with CeeCee.
After saying goodbye to Jace and promising to call the next day, Jordan took her home. She was pretty sure he could sense her downtrodden mood because he didn't try to make any sort of conversation during the ride.
Once home, she quickly changed and climbed into bed with one of her new books. She had been exhausted earlier, but after everything with CeeCee, she found herself too keyed up to sleep. Her mind kept replaying the evening's events and the book be a welcome distraction.
She had randomly grabbed a book from the bag and found herself reading about fostering a healthy pregnancy. She snorted out loud when she got to a section about keeping stress levels low. That was something that was a lot easier said than done. Mending a relationship, an angry five year old, and an impending trial were all definitely making that a difficult thing to accomplish.
Clary got through a good portion of the book before the exhaustion finally returned, making her lids heavy. She marked her page, set the book on the nightstand, and burrowed under her covers. In only a few minutes she was falling asleep, information from the book swirling in her mind.
She bolted upright in her bed, her heart beating erratically in her chest and her body drenched in a cold sweat. Most of the dream had already faded from her memory, but she could still recall the ending. Blood everywhere. The hateful look on Jace's face. The empty feeling in her heart and soul.
Her hand went to her stomach, but she found little comfort in the small bump there. She took stock of her current condition. No pain. No blood soaking the sheets. Everything had been just a dream. Still, she couldn't shake the anxiety rooting itself in her body. She needed reassurance. She needed comfort.
Without even thinking, she threw the covers and jumped out of bed. She grabbed her phone and slipped on her shoes, not bothering to change out of her sleep shorts and top. After locking up her apartment, she hailed a cab, ignoring the slightly chilly air.
During the taxi ride, she kept replaying what she could remember from her dream. The empty feeling that was so similar to what she had experienced in real life had been unsettling enough. What was bothering her, though, was Jace's reaction. His resentful glare and the hateful words he spewed at her, blaming her for not taking better care of herself. Telling her it was all her fault and that he would never forgive her.
The cab pulled up outside of Jace's, and she threw the driver a few bills. A little bit of rational thought finally hit her. It was just after three in the morning. She couldn't barge into Jace's home unannounced. Instead, she quickly dialed his number, hoping he had his phone on and would answer.
"Hello?" he picked up after a few rings, his voice husky and slurred with sleep.
"I'm downstairs," was all she said.
"Clary?" She heard some rustling in the background. "What time is it?"
"Can I come up?" she asked, her voice cracking slightly.
"What is it? What's wrong?" He sounded much more awake now.
"Can I come up? Please?" she repeated.
"Yeah. Of course. I'll meet you."
When she got upstairs, Jace was waiting in the foyer, wearing a pair of boxers and a sleep shirt.
His eyes swept over her, looking for some sort of physical damage. "What's wrong?" he asked again.
The ridiculousness of what she was doing set in. The adrenaline rush that came from her dream was wearing off and rationality was returning. All that happened was a little nightmare, and she had decided to come all the way to Jace's. What had she been thinking?
She shook her head at him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. Please go back to sleep."
She turned to leave, but he gently grabbed her arm.
"You didn't show up here at three in the morning for no reason, Clare. Talk to me."
She dropped her gaze to his bare feet. "I had a bad dream," she mumbled, her face warming as she waited for him to go off about waking him up over a silly little dream.
As usual, he surprised her. "It must have been some nightmare for you trek all the way here in the middle of the night."
She nodded minutely. "It felt so real and I got scared and I didn't really think before coming here."
He moved his hand down her arm, wrapping his fingers around hers. "What can I do? Do you want to talk about it?"
She removed her hand from his, opting to wrap her arms around his torso instead. She rested her cheek on his exposed chest and inhaled deeply, taking comfort in his familiar scent. "I just don't want to be alone right now."
"I can provide company," he said, returning her embrace and beginning to move them in the direction of his room.
"Jace, I don't—"
"Only to sleep, Clare. Don't worry."
She let him lead her to his bedroom, where he gestured for her to get in bed. She had forgotten how cozy his bed was and snuggled into the mattress as Jace turned off the light. He crawled in behind her, pulling her back against his chest.
"Is this okay?" he asked, his breath warm against her ear. She nodded mutely in the darkness, and he brought his hand down to rest on her stomach. "Will you tell me about it?"
She shuddered slightly and placed her hand over his. "I don't remember how, but I… lost the baby. "
She heard his sharp intake of breath. "Oh, Clary."
"You got—You hated me because of it. And when I woke up, I just panicked. Rationally, I knew it wasn't real, but I couldn't help but remember how absolutely alone I felt after everything with Raphael, and I don't want to go through that again. Please don't make me go through that again."
He moved his hand from her stomach and pulled on her arm until she rolled over and faced him. He tucked her body into his and gently squeezed. "Know that is never, ever going to happen. It's you and me, Clary, and it always will be. I mean it."
"You don't know that, though," she said into his chest. "What if something bad like that really happens? How can you possibly know that you'll still be there?"
"There's a lot I don't know, but I do know I love you, Clary. Nothing is going to change that. Pushing you away, even though it was my own fault, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I can't imagine making that mistake again." He placed a kiss on top of her head. "Your feelings are very valid, but you can't keep working yourself up like this. It's not good for you or the baby."
"I'm sorry," she mumbled.
"Don't apologize." He swallowed loudly. "I think that maybe you should think about seeing someone. They could help you work through everything you've been feeling and give you ways of coping and managing everything."
"You want me to go to a therapist?" She tilted her head up to look at him, his features barely visible in the moonlight.
"I think it might be a good idea. After your relationship with Santiago, the way I recently treated you, everything freaking you out with your pregnancy, it could be extremely beneficial."
Therapy hadn't been something she'd considered before, but she could see where Jace was coming from. There was a lot in both her past and her present that she hadn't fully addressed. Plus, she was tired of feeling the way she had been. She was tired of being set off so easily, feeling so anxious, and second guessing almost everything.
"I guess I could give it a try," she finally said.
The corners of his mouth tilted up slightly. "I can ask around a get you a list of people if you'd like," he offered.
She nodded heavily. "That'd be cool," she said on a yawn. She had no idea where to start, and his help would be appreciated.
He chuckled quietly. "Go to sleep, Clare."
She hummed in response and closed her eyes.
The other side of the bed was empty when she woke the next morning. She was slightly disappointed to wake up alone, but she knew Jace was an early riser. She laid there for a few minutes, enjoying the plush mattress and bedding. Her bed really had nothing on his.
Once she decided to get up, she took a sweatshirt from Jace's dresser and pulled it over her head. She left his room and made her way into the kitchen, where she found Jace and Imogen.
"Morning," Clary said quietly.
Imogen gave her a polite "good morning" in return as she bustled around working on breakfast.
Jace reached out to Clary, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Better," she said, glancing at Imogen out of the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry about showing up announced like that. Like I said, I sorta acted without thinking."
"Hey, no apologizing. I'm always here for you if you need me." One side of his mouth lifted up. "Although, situations like that would be a lot easier if you just lived here."
"Jace," Imogen said, not looking up from her cooking, warning her voice. "Leave the poor girl alone."
Clary couldn't help the laugh that came from her. She loved knowing that Imogen was on her side, and she gave Jace a smug smile. He rolled his eyes in return and poured himself a cup of coffee.
"I'm nothing if not persistent."
Clary looked at the clock on the wall and stifled a sigh. CeeCee would be getting up soon. She was debating if she should leave or not before that happened.
"How did your talk with CeeCee go?" she asked, shoving her hands into the front pocket of the sweatshirt.
"It went pretty well, actually. After I got her calmed down, I told her that she can't go around telling people she hates them and that she really hurt your feelings. I think she's still confused about why she can't have a sister instead, but she at least knows it was wrong to say those things to you."
"That's good. Do you think she's still mad at me, though?"
"Can't say. She's a kid, her emotions can change every two minutes. You can hang around for breakfast and talk with her if you want."
"I dunno," she said, her shoulders slouching slightly. "What if she's still upset?"
"Then you ignore it. She'll get over it eventually, if she hasn't already."
Clary nodded, knowing he was right. Besides, she was about to be a mom. Part of that would be her children getting upset with her, probably more often than she'd like. That was something she was going to have accept and deal with.
"I'm gonna put something other than pajamas on. I still have some clothes here, yeah?"
Jace gave her an affirmative nod, and she excused herself to go change. Once dressed, she sat on the edge of the bed, giving herself a moment to think. It said a lot that she had instinctually sought out Jace the previous night. She had known he would be able to make her feel better and calm her down. And he had done it so effortlessly and without question.
She talked a lot about him still having to make things up to her and regain her trust, but, really, what was she waiting for? He was showing her so much through all the little things he'd do. Going to appointments with her, buying her a pastry from her favorite bakery if he happened to pass by it, making sure she got home safe when she stayed over late, calling every day just to talk, and letting her show up in the middle of the night in a panic and comforting her.
At some point, she had to finally forgive him and stop holding on this mistake. At some point, she needed to start showing him that she was in it for the long run and ready to start moving forward. She felt that time was now, but she didn't know what to do to show him. It was obvious that he wanted her to move back in again, but that wasn't something she was ready for yet.
With a sigh, she got up to rejoin the others, hoping she would think of something soon. Imogen was alone in the kitchen when Clary returned. She informed Clary that Jace had gone to wake CeeCee. Clary accepted the cup of tea that Imogen offered her and took a seat at the breakfast bar.
Imogen set a plate of eggs, toast, and fruit in front of her. Clary gave her a soft thank you, and Imogen set two other plates in front of empty chairs for Jace and CeeCee. The pair appeared a few moments later, and Clary couldn't help but notice that CeeCee was avoiding looking at her.
Breakfast was an awkward and nearly silent affair. Jace tried to get conversation going, but Clary and CeeCee both only offered monosyllabic responses. Clary wasn't interested in talking and just wanted to get breakfast over with so she could go home. It was clear CeeCee was still upset with her, and she wasn't interested in having a repeat of the previous day.
Jace, of course, finished eating quickly, and excused himself to go get ready for work. Before walking away, he gave Clary a pointed look, which she took to mean he wanted her to try talking to CeeCee. She glared at his retreating form, not knowing what the hell she was supposed to say.
CeeCee took the pressure off her, though, by speaking first. "Do you hate me now?" she asked quietly.
Clary dropped the fork she was holding, the metal clanking against the glass of her plate. "What?" Her voice was a little louder than she meant it to be. "Why on earth would you think that?"
CeeCee looked at her with watery eyes. "'Cause you told me a happy secret and I was mean and hurt your feelings."
Clary slid to the seat next to CeeCee's and hugged the little girl to her chest. "You did hurt my feelings, very much, but I could never hate you, honey."
"I'm sorry I said I hate you. I don't, I swear!" she sobbed.
Clary placed her chin on CeeCee's head. "I know, sweet girl. You were upset, and sometimes we say things we don't mean when we're upset. But you can't tell people you hate them. It can be very hurtful."
"That's what Daddy said. I'm really sorry I was mean."
Clary kissed the top of her head. "And I forgive you." She took a deep breath. "Are—Are you still upset about your new brother?"
CeeCee nodded meekly, and Clary pulled back to look her in the eye.
"I want you to know that's okay and I understand," Clary said softly. "But I do hope your feelings change. I love you so much, and I already love him so much, and it would make me very happy if you loved him, too."
"I'll try," CeeCee sighed. "But it'd be easier with a sister."
Clary let out a small laugh. "Thank you for agreeing to try. Now, why don't you go get dressed?"
CeeCee hopped out of her seat and disappeared down the hall. Clary slumped down in her chair once she was out of sight. She felt lighter after how well the conversation went but was still ready to go home. She had some errands to take care of and wanted to see if Izzy wanted to go to lunch or something.
Pushing herself out of her chair, she went to Jace's room to say goodbye. He was standing in front of his closet pulling on a pair of dress pants when she walked in. He turned, hearing her approach, and she stopped in her tracks at the sight of him. His hair was wet and disheveled from his shower, and his dress pants were unbuttoned and unzipped, hanging low on his hips.
"Hey. How'd it go?" he asked.
"Very well, actually," she said, reaching behind her to shut the door.
An idea had come to her. She could show him she was ready to move forward by physically taking the next step. She flicked the lock and closed the distance between them.
Jace looked at her quizzically. "What are—"
She cut him off by reaching out and bringing his face down to hers. When their lips connected, his hands immediately went to her waist, and she tangled her fingers in his hair. He parted his lips, and she gently teased his tongue with hers, eliciting a small moan from him.
She removed her hands from his hair, placing one his shoulder and trailing the other down the hard planes of his exposed abdomen. His breath hitched slightly as she ran her palm over the front of his pants, and she felt him harden easily under her touch. Her hand moved up to slip under the waistband of his boxers, and he broke their kiss as she came in contact with smooth, hard flesh.
"Clare," he gasped. "We don't have to—"
Her other hand moved to cover his mouth. "Let me do this," she said.
Wide-eyed, he nodded, and she removed her hand from his mouth. He started to move them backwards toward the bed, but she shook her head. Without breaking eye contact, she dropped to her knees in front of him, both of her hands going to his hips to pull down his pants and boxers. His eyes widened even more as he realized where things were headed.
She took him in her mouth, still looking up at him, and a guttural sound came from the back of his throat. He laced his fingers through her hair but didn't try to control her movements, letting her keep up the steady rhythm she had going. He kept his noises down, but she was proud of the soft moans and grunts she was causing.
His grip on her hair tightened, and she knew he was close. She picked up her pace slightly, feeling his body tense.
"Oh, fuck, Clare," he breathed. "I'm almost there, baby."
She hummed a little, and almost immediately felt him come in her mouth. She swallowed quickly to avoid the taste, her lips still wrapped around him. He tugged her head back until she released him. He pulled her back up to her feet, crushing his mouth to hers.
They pulled apart, both breathing heavily. Jace pushed Clary's hair out of her face and rested his hand on her cheek.
"Where did that come from?" he asked.
She took his hand and placed a kiss on his palm. "I love you and just wanted to show how much I appreciate you."
"Message well received," he said with a lopsided smile.
They were interrupted by the sound of his cell phone ringing in the en suite. He asked her to hang on for a moment while he went and answered it.
She sat on the bed to wait, a satisfied smile on her face. No matter how many times they had been intimate with each other, she always felt good knowing she was able to bring him pleasure like that. She was also glad she was able to find a way to show him that she was ready to move on, even if it wasn't a dramatic step forward.
Jace came back into the bedroom, his phone clutched in his hand and all earlier joy gone. Clary was off the bed and by his side in a flash.
"What's wrong?" she asked, reaching out to take his free hand.
He squeezed her fingers, trepidation on his face. "That was my lawyer. They've set a date for the trial."